Christina Aguilera's marriage: Seriously, how?

Yeah an Ooompa Loompa blow up doll!

FIRST!!! Now where is that blow up doll. I need a hug.

I'd still do her.

I think he's just a good guy. Ladies like that in a husband.

"Forage all the cheese and apple cores you need then retreat back below the Earth's surface from whence you came."

LMAO - classic

I'm with you superfish.......I am completely stumped as to how an UGLY schlub loser like that guy landed Christina.

Maybe he's got a big brat- get it?!!

This is a simple question:

Both of these lovers are transexuals; but here's the catch -- they're both straight!

Bratman is a woman, stocked full of all kinds of ungodly hormones (look at the jew beard), and Aguilera, well, she's a charlatan disguised as an ugly, paint-faced woman with horribly bowed legs. End of story. You go, you couple of progressives, you.

I wish she would slide her penis in my mouth.

MOBY

says it all.

She must have insecurities to date such an ugly guy for worry that a good looking one would cheat on her.

@2 and 9

Give it a break "Iwish". Just cause I ralphed on my keyboard after I saw that photo you sent me doesnt mean you have to hold a grudge.

Christina can be pretty, but that makeup she seems to prefer makes her unattractive. Maybe she's trying to make the contrast between her and her not really attractive husband not so obvious.

Eh, men don't have to be as conventionally attractive to interest women as women do for men. But he is kinda shrimpy. Maybe he's really funny or has a really big schlong or something like that. Pros and cons, people. Looks fade, the other shit is important for the long run.

What did they have for dinner? I bet they had a salad first, no..soup du jour, it looks a little cold. Was the service good, and the silverware clean?...

@12 ralphed? you are one gay son of a bitch.

jewish guys make the best husbands-she figured that out

#11

maybe she's just not as shallow are you are.

Im sorry, I just need attention more than ever now since I've been housebound with shingles this past month and I used up all the batteries in my house

HATER!!!...hahaha...yeah, I ask myself everyday. and then I go home to my ridiculously hot ass wife, open a few colt 45s, with my dookie rope chains and say, "welcome to the good life."

in the words of the ying yang twins, "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

christina picked the best man to be her husband:

1) clearly on looks alone, he could never hope to snag such a beauty as her so you know he'll be faithful til the end

2) he's rich

3) he's not threatened by her success

4) he's a jew so you know that no matter what, they'll never be in the poor house. i mean really, have you ever known a poor jew?

Shut up troll!! I can't take this anymore. You wouldn't want to be me if you knew me. My penis is unusually pink. Akwardly pink. And small.

#11

she's totally smart for marrying someone who's not going to cheat on her. anyone who does anything less is a moron.

Feh, she's a Shikseh!

where the hell did the post about "paris Hilton's week kind of blows" go?

Richport. My dad says he's sore.

Who cares about the fugly man, he's boring. WWhat perplexes me is how the fuck you turds consider this slut attractive. She wears a permanent layer of whore paint at all times. She's an implanted, bowlegged, dirty, saggy assed, big nosed, squinty eyed, weird boddied rat faced piece of filth with horrible skin. I thought she would have at least gotten one attribute but, she has NONE of them she wasn't even blessed with being tall (which some consider a good thing) she won NOTHING on the genetic lottery. If you took her home in the morning your wake up next to Gollum and by the sink you'd find a wig, fake eyeleashes, fake nails, and 15 rolls of toilet pare covered in a mulch of of melted makeup.

I mean look at her this woman she is like the anti christ of the hot, toned, natural blonde?brunette/redhead, who looks incredible without an ounce of makeup. To cheap trashy guys whose mothers were and are total whores this painted heap of silicone who screams "everything in my house is covered in leopard print" may be attractive but to the guys who like their woman to look um... lets say classy and clean this bitch is a fucking nightmare. Put an Adriana Lima, Rachel Mcadams, Isla fischer type next to this chick and you'll see what I mean. She's a walking caricature and until some Britney style bald eagle pics come out I REFUSE to believe that this thing is a woman.

The paparazzi need to leave these two alone...it's no wonder they always look so pissed in the candid shots..! They have done nothing to warrant media attention, always keeping their personal lives as private as possible...I think it's wrong that they are hounded like the media whores who actually need the attention to make up for a lack of talent.

He has a big DING DONG! Hello??!

No other explanation and as someone pointed out, ugly men won't cheat. She KNOWS he won't find anything better. Not that she's a great prize, but still!

#27 - I think it would be best if you kept your personal life as private as possible.

Pardon my spelling their combined super fugliness gives me the shakes and inhibits my typing.

He won the Ringo Starr Look Alike contest and she was first prize.

yes, she is horribly bowlegged. her thumbs are deformed somehow, too, she can bend them like hell. her singing is uncontrolled screeching and yelling.

and why in hell would i chose an ugly guy over an decent AND at least somewhat handsome guy. and if he cheated, well, i'd cheat back. no probs there. as long as we love us, ha. gotta be the progressive kind of couple (like Fish said).

puh-leaze. what's this constant BS about uglies don't cheat? never watched springer or maury ..?? DUH. and this guy has money, so, why shouldn't he cheat????

look at the noses on these two....

I saw the baby pics in People, this child is gonna have a monstrous jew-beak. You can already tell.

Those are MUTANTS and uneducated hillbillies on those shows. I'm talking about real people, lol.

#32

you are about as smart as a candy corn. i bet you have the local health department on speed dial. you're just mad because she's happy and your crotch itches.

I think he must just be really, really, really kind to her.

Didn't Christina's dad beat the hell out of mom while lil Chrissy watched? She's probably terrified of the more manly/suave type of man so she goes for the nice, meek uglies. And they have to be small enough that she could beat them up if necessary.

A Greys Anatomy star is mising a MAJOR part of her anatomy can you guess what it is?

http://www.people.com/people/gallery/0,,20178254_6,00.html

I agree with #4, just because a guy isn't hotter than hell, doesn't mean he isn't a bad guy, maybe this guy is nice to her and takes care of her and the baby, not monetary wise maybe, but what a dad/husband should do; loves her and the baby, makes sure they have eaten, are warm, have a good homelife and shows Christina affection...

You see what happens to people who pick the hotties; Dennis Rodman picking carmen Electra-Divorce, Tommy Lee picking Pamela Anderson-Divorce, not to mention watching her tramp around Hollywood, Jennifer Aniston picking Brad Pitt-Broken up, Britney and K-Fed-do I need to go into that???
MY POINT?? LOOKS AREN'T EVERYTHING!

#36: fuckin prude USA.

He found her physically attractive, she found his wallet physically attractive. Things are as they ever were.

@38 - Good god. WHERE DID IT GO?

Also, to all the people who are all "ohh, looks aren't everything, blah blah" you're right. A big cock goes a loooooooooong way.

He's probably the only normal guy in LA. And she's hot.

I think it's related to him thanking his parents for his "large willy" at the reception dinner or whatever it was.

@39 Fuck you lila. You are a moron

It could be that his name is Bratman, which is almost like Batman...shit, I'D marry marry Batman...

It's actually true that ugly people have better marriages many studies have been done and it's well proven. See fuglies have to spend more time cultivating personalities, skills and interests to attract ass. Uglies have lots to talk about and they have intrests like ugly people sports (golf) and uggly people hobbies (stamp collecting) and they are knowledgeble about ugly people things like history and geography and they didn't get everything handed to them because no one likes giving things to ugly people so they had to work hard and earn things like inner beauty and character, you know ugly people qualities. Anyfuck of course there are ulgy people who have no qualities, or skils, or brains like Dr. Phil and Oprah but, they are not important. What's important is my main point; ugly people have more succesful marriages than hot people, so these two will surely have THE most successful marriage EVER.

Yay Uglies! People like you because you make them feel purdy.

My spelling sucks but, like daddy these fukcking dogs make me sick sos that I can't concentrate on my spelling.

He's rich, and she's a prostitute with a ring on her finger. Lots of wives are like that.

Wow @26

o_0 !

Sounds kind of personal......

Here's a theory, as to their happiness, an explanation maybe. A guess.

Maybe they are actually in love. Maybe they actually enjoy each others' company. I think they are the sweetest couple, really. She is one high maintenance bitch and you can tell he understands that and worships her. He's proud to let her be the star. He supports her in the background.

What exactly the fuck is the problem here???

#32! I said that: I said they're a couple of 'progressives'.

Goddamn Euro-trash.. Kidding -- you're alright, kid. Wink.

It is personal. I personally find this girl fucking revolting. Since my lady looks like a taller brunette Isla Fisher meets Catherine Zeta Jones this woman is as appealing as sticking my penis in a vat of acid. She's as fugly as Paris Hlton meets Tori Spelling and that's saying something.

No intelligent, elegant woman looks like this she's such fucking trash, no one wants to take this home unless they live in a trailer and if someone rich looks like this they are certainly of the nouveau rich variety and the trailer park ain't far behind them. She's fucking hideous, she looks like a goddamn tranny?welfare recipient and it just depresses me that people don't know what beauty is. Good fucking god what how can anyone not see the hideousness that is this painted plastic whore.

I actually thnk this is pretty simple. All he needs to do is unceasingly tell her how beautiful she is, hose her down with fake tanner and touch her roots up every six and a half hours.

#53: damn, Denise, you're right. sorry. see, I just confused your writing skills with the Fish's. feel honored! (or not)

i know, we euro-trash kids can be a lot of fun. *winkey* Ript1&0: not so much. i'm totally disappointed in her by now. seems like she watched too much jennifer-aniston-movies or crap of that sort.

#52. Please...
That is the obvious answer but, that aint no fucking superficial answer. We don't give a shit about love and happiness here we have that in our own lives personally but, we come here to trash the celebrity douchetards and watch Brit the festering zit implode. Happiness and love in Hollywood are like pack of twinkies anywhere near Rosie O'Donell, they don't stand a fuckin' chance.

#56. Let's hook-up. I'm not afraid to use my mouth (get it).

I love how everyone thinks just because a guy is unattractive that he won't cheat. Please.

Don't tell me how it is here. I hang out here everyday. And I'll say whatever the fuck I want. I'm not interested in your approval.

You have love and happiness in real life and want to come on here and talk shit about this couple? Congratulations. You're an asshole. I don't have love man. So when I see someone who actually does, I tend to support it. End of story.

#58: not afraid to use your mouth, huh? neither am I. you seem more and more like a fun guy to hang out with .. !

#60. Look love is all around you you'll find your love. Although i don't think #59 and #61 are looking for love but it's still a good sign-ish.

People don't really mean what they say here, this is their verbal punching bag and celebrities are greedy overpaid attention whores so people trash them, Is that right? Not really. It most certainly is not right that some idiot celebrity makes $40 million a year for making a movie or a cd when a fire fighter who saved 10 lives and put theirs at risk day in and day out never expecting a room full of applause, a golden statue, staff to wipe their ass, constant attention and recognition and a giant cheque makes only $40,000 a year. The world is a mess and these celebrities live the most unreasonable, self centered, materialistic, lives imaginable and they waste the most incredilbe potentital to make a difference and really give back (throwing a little money at charities is not giving back, choosing to live in a normal sized house and turning your ridiculous giant mansion into a shelter for abused women or a home for children with cancer that would be giving back). Kids go to school without a lunch and die of poverty ever second in this world yet Miley Cyrus some Disney manufactured child product is a multi millionaire? WHAT THE FUCK? So there are reasons people trash celebrities and don't share in their happiness but, it doesn't mean they are evil or heartless they are just venting their frustrations and enjoying a little black humour.

So on a totally non-superficial note you seem very nice and in the end that will come back to you and you'll get all the happiness you deserve. So peace and sorry if I offended you.

how could "panty cheese" possibly offend anybody here? it's the one thing female commenters produce, in addition of course to the least-funny comments.

#62: you seem a nice person and stuff, but I strongly object to your first statement , the one about #58 (#59) and #61: why shouldn't there be love in the air when two people mutually agree about their verbal awesomeness and oral skills?

ript1&0: you're a cool chick. heads up and forget about stupid v-days; love will strike when you expect it least!

should be: (NOT #59). duh.

I was wondering why I got dragged into that (I was #59), but since I am in fact not looking for love I wasn't about to argue with panty cheese.

Remember how he was married to the beautiful Mia Farrow? Ha ha ha and then he molested his own children. And then he fucking married her teengage adopted daughter. Remember how all his movies involved an obsession with sex? Why would anyone care about an ugly little fucker and his sex drive? He should not have had sex he is sooo ugly.
Same thing here.

#64. Well at first I was just going to write love and then I thought well if that's not what they are looking for then I may have killed the mood or whatever. Anyway I appologize. Let there be love, all you need is love, and all that jazz.
In fact you and D. Richards seem perfect for each other (in a good way).

Nothing says soulmates like agreeing that this whore is fugly. My other half and I agree that Christina is a hideous bowlegged skank and we've been together a long time. Good luck to ya.

i fucking love "revenge of the mole people"....fish, im on to your wily movie references

Jebus, when did this become a fucking episode of The View? Let's keep our love lives to ourselves, please. This site is for celebrity bashing and lude commenting, not for commiserating over other commenters' personal lives. And just for the record, #63, not all women want to kiss everyone's ass. I obviously just offended all the over-estrogenated (yeah, I just made up a word, shut the fuck up) women on this site. As for the funny factor, I guess if women can't make a comment about dick-spitting all over someone (your mom, etc.)you don't think it's funny. Oh well.

#68: seems like you got a valid point.

hey, and good luck with your sweetheart!

########## 27 SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!

As mean as it sounds, I actually agree with #26. Christina Aguilera DOES have squinty eyes, a big nose, weird legs, etc. And the makeup! Oh goodness, the makeup! She doesn't go anywhere without 10lbs of the stuff on her face.

But I guess when you're blonde-haired with blue eyes and have breast implants people automatically think you're hot even when you look and dress like a 50 cent prostitute.

she is cute. I just found her profile on the celebrities and wealthy club "SearchingMillionaire.com". she posted the same photo there. did you see it?

Thank you for apologizing. I really AM a nice person in real life. Although, I am not currently looking for love. Believe me.... I have enough problems.

(Oh yeah, and plus I'm ginger and apparently that makes me lowest on the rung of hotness.) Heehee

Jordan must be hung like a race horse to have little Chrisy hanging on his arm...I mean I've seen monkey's at the zoo that are better looking then what ever that is...I don't even think a mother could love that mug!!!

Hey Jordan show us the trick where you fly away with your big fucking jumbo ears again...the kids just love that one...!!!

#62 .. oh my god.. your so right!!!

I think it is easy to understand. They love, respect and care for each other.

I wish them well. What is the benefit in spending time dogging a relationship that works.

#48, you're a myopic moron. please cite those "scientific studies" you are so ambiguously speaking of. they don't exist. those "high school platitudes for ugly kids" have about as much factual foundation as the muppet show.

ugly people are not, necessarily, more interesting or possessors of better personalities. i'm sure that's just what mommy told you when you were 14 and began to look in the mirror for the first time. why is it always insipid idiots defending ugly people?

I was reading this and my cat jumped on my keyboard and started batting at the monitor. When I took another look at Bratman, I understood.

Jordan Bratman..........his dad is a famous rabbi, right?

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#79. How could you possibly take that seriously? It was a satirical comment mocking the superficial idiocy of society and how we label everything in this world.

Lighten up.

Deaconjones, you shallow stupid asshole. I bet you're a real looker now too, aren't ya?

Deaconjones, you shallow stupid asshole. I bet you're a real looker now too, aren't ya?

This is what's wrong with society today----we judge people on their looks and that's so shallow ! Christina must have seen beyond that and found a loving man with substance --how refreshing! Christina has a great deal of self-confidence and obviously doesn't care what people think. She must love this man deeply. Yeah, and how about Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett????

It's called Love!

BETTER CHOICE THAN BRITNEY'S.

I KNOW IT'S FUN AND VERY *OH, SO SUPERFICIAL* TO LAUGH AT HIM, BUT HE REALLY SEEMS LIKE A NICE GUY AND CHRISTINA ES A VERY INTELLIGENT WOMAN FOR CHOOSING HIM.

BETTER CHOICE THAN BRITNEY'S.

I KNOW IT'S FUN AND VERY *OH, SO SUPERFICIAL* TO LAUGH AT HIM, BUT HE REALLY SEEMS LIKE A NICE GUY AND CHRISTINA IS A VERY INTELLIGENT WOMAN FOR CHOOSING HIM.

#39-who's the hottie in that last scenario? Britney or 'K-Fed"??? Shouldn't you compare 2 people who aren't hillbilly mutants from skid-bubba-row?

Wow #62-you're so right, I totally agree. The reason we don't feel bad trashing celebs is exactly what you said/ they make millions of dollars to get doted on and ass-kissed, given everything free, and treated like royalty by everyone.
People who sweat their asses off all day fixing the highway or putting out fires, etc, make less than a celebrity's phone bill. And that's just not fucking right!..I think it's so true-not that I am not a fan of certain celebs but it's funny when people get all riled up, defending them like it matters at all.

#27, 54, whenever I see a guy who posts about his girl that she 'looks like Catherine Zeta meets Angelina, JLo meets Madonna meets
Marilyn meets..blah blah .etc" I always think one thing: she's probably cheating on you then.

joo bwoy has big ding dong or beeg bag of joo gold.cuz he one buh uglee mo fo to be tappin sum nyce poonanny like dat.

They're both friggin ugly!! That poor baby!! Anyone who says Christina Aguilera is hotter than Britney Spears must be gay!! At least Britney still has her hot looks and she doesn't gop on tons of makeup!!