Jan 25 2008Britney Spears’ photo deals questioned
Sam Lufti gave his deposition yesterday to Kevin Federline’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan. The line of questioning involved finding out if Britney brokered deals with X17 through Sam. It’s been speculated that Sam is on the X17 payroll and Britney was receiving payouts for photos of her day-to-day life including time with the children which violates her custody agreement. Photographer Alison Silva was quoted this week saying Britney calls the paparazzi in advance, according to E! Online:
"Britney is in on it. [She] calls the paparazzi before she goes out. We know 15 minutes before she leaves the house. It's all staged," Silva said.
To drive that point home here’s a staged photo of Britney pretending to use a pay phone last night. Conveniently left out are shots of her swallowing two quarters before chewing on the Yellow Pages. Numbers make Britney hungry!
NOTE: Hey, guys, sorry the comments aren't weren't working today. We've got some people looking into it and should hopefully have this baby back to normal. I'm pretty sure I know what the problem is but Tech Support doesn't know how to troubleshoot "Criss Angel's douche magic."
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Reader Comments
1. row - January 25, 2008 4:04 PM
first!
2. Ted from LA - January 25, 2008 4:05 PM
I'll fix this for you Fish. As for the Olsen twin story earlier,
I heard the masseuse also ordered a pizza to be delivered before calling 9-1-1.
3. D. Richards (Bastion.) - January 25, 2008 4:05 PM
Fucking Criss Angel.
Did I mention Criss's forty?
4. jas - January 25, 2008 4:06 PM
Like, we're surprised here?
All aboard the attention whore train! Toot toot
5. Angus - January 25, 2008 4:08 PM
I'm glad the c-sections allowed her to keep her figure.
6. DJ Jazzy P - January 25, 2008 4:08 PM
Why would that dumb bitch use a pay phone?! Of course i's staged.
7. Greedo the Dead - January 25, 2008 4:15 PM
Please die, Britney.
I promise you a media circus just like Heath Ledger's. All you have to do is let me read those four little words on your autopsy:
"The anus was unremarkable."
Assuming that it will be, indeed, unremarkable.
8. Auntie Kryst - January 25, 2008 4:15 PM
The screwed up comments are kind of fun. I like the weeping stories about Heath Ledger on a Jessica Simpson thread, making fun of Tara Reid's privates in Mary Kate Olsen story, etc. Only the Britney story is in order, which is sort of unexpected. Nice fucked up Friday, and I'm not even drunk yet. Thanks Fish.
9. Mike - January 25, 2008 4:15 PM
I would still fuck her and her sister..............NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
10. fa-la-freakin'-dah - January 25, 2008 4:16 PM
"Pretending" is exactly right.
Britney: "...Oh, thank y'all, yer so kind! Yes, I am great! Yer so smart for noticing!"
Voice on the other end of the phone: "...At the sound of the tone the time will be..."
11. granada - January 25, 2008 4:18 PM
What?!?!?! Are you telling me her whole life was staged?! Fake?!!? Thanks, Fish; first you ruin it for me by telling me "The Hills" is scripted, and now this...!
12. Flicker - January 25, 2008 4:18 PM
@6 DJ Jazzy P, Don't you know that all psychotic serial killers use pay phones? Duh.........
13. Ript1&0 - January 25, 2008 4:24 PM
Wait.... Tech Support??? Are you guys hot and nerdy over there? Do they push you out of the way and tell you to move?
Give 'em hell, Tech Support. Download porno to Fish's desktop when he's not looking.
14. shanipie - January 25, 2008 4:30 PM
This is sorta on topic, because it is about Britney, but off topic because it doesn't pretain to this post.
Didn't Madonna start talling with a british accent out of no where once?
I think Britney is trying to either copy cat this...because she figures if Madonna can get away with it than so can she, or she is just trying to make everything she is funny/insane.
Stop the mind games you cow.
15. Lowlands - January 25, 2008 4:35 PM
My gracious,this could keep going on forever.Later on this day the lawyers of both sides will have a meeting for a friday afternoon drink and shoulder slapping.....
16. Toolboy - January 25, 2008 4:39 PM
She was calling Sir Toppumhat to let him know that Thomas and Gonad (Adnan, whatever) would be late. They were going to be busy pulling another train...
Oh, and for all the idiots that were boo hooing for poor Brit while she was being hounded by the Pap Smears for Spears, you can all shut the fuck up now.
17. RichPort - January 25, 2008 4:40 PM
Fish, threaten the servers by telling them you'll spraypaint them Cheeto orange and lock Britney in the data center with them... don't worry about needing to make it genuine with that unmistakable cheesy scent, Brit's on the rag this week... that'll learn 'em.
18. Sauron - January 25, 2008 4:40 PM
I'll bet those lawyers don't have a ' no cure no pay' assignment.
19. gotmilk? - January 25, 2008 4:42 PM
nice gut
20. FRIST!!! - January 25, 2008 4:44 PM
So I wonder where all the comments I made today went. I commented, clicked "Post" and poof! Gone!
I wonder if they will show up a week from now on the "Amy Winehouse Found Dead in Her Apartment" post..
21. Callie Jordan - January 25, 2008 4:54 PM
Aren't you fucking tired of this chik? GOD, enough is ENOUGH!
22. Mike - January 25, 2008 4:55 PM
#20.........HI FRIST.........how you doing you sexy thing? Why don't you have your link to your MySpace page anymore?
23. D. Richards - January 25, 2008 4:56 PM
Fuck Britney Spears. She may have problems and who doesn't, but she's just as much at fault of her own life as her mental illness is. Maybe she deserves the punishment that psychosis has wrought.
24. sunny - January 25, 2008 4:57 PM
i love britney! i think she's in on this whole big joke and you should ALL THANK HER for giving you meaning in life by reading about her escapades because obviously your lives are boring as shit compared to her!
25. FRIST!!! - January 25, 2008 5:00 PM
Mike, HI!!! It's there. Isn't it? I am on my laptop, that's where it is saved.
26. DJ Jazzy P - January 25, 2008 5:01 PM
LOL @ #12!
27. Superevil - January 25, 2008 5:01 PM
I hope they get these comments fixed soon, I can't wait to find out who else has a profile on spamwebsites.com
28. melly - January 25, 2008 5:03 PM
don't celebrities have CELL PHONES? why is she using a payphone?
29. my comment - January 25, 2008 5:04 PM
Nice belt.
But those boots must be burned!
30. FRIST!!! - January 25, 2008 5:04 PM
Staged. You all know she has like ten blackberries and a blueberry in her purse, whatever, I'm breaking out the vodka. Bye.
31. Champ - January 25, 2008 5:05 PM
Scabby.
32. PunkA - January 25, 2008 5:06 PM
She totally has one upped Paris at being an attention whore. Talk about a pathetic human. She has no shame. Of course, being as stupid as she is, what do you expect? Her life has been one piss poor decision after another. She reeks of ass.
33. Mike - January 25, 2008 5:37 PM
#30 FRIST, why don't you e-mail me anymore? I miss talking to you.
34. CougarTexas - January 25, 2008 5:42 PM
If Anna NicHOLE had lasted a little longer, she and Spitney coulda hada two fer one bonfire of the vanities and just left this world a better place by, well, leaving.
So, did it take a scientist to figure out that this stupid hag is staging all her papa outings? I think not. It takes alot more than that to fool the Fish readers.
NEXT!
35. Ana - January 25, 2008 5:46 PM
c'mon brit, adnan is soooooooooo gross!!!!!!!...you didnt lose my admiration to you until adnan...everytime i see the guy i really do wanna puke
36. Mariah - January 25, 2008 6:05 PM
Why won't she take off those horrible boots!!!!??????
37. p0nk - January 25, 2008 6:10 PM
"Mr. Federline, is your refrigerator running...hahahahaha i'm so funny"
38. Realist - January 25, 2008 6:12 PM
# 9, you probably COULD fuck her and her sister. Pretty easily. I think anyone could. It's like an open door policy.
39. Jimbo - January 25, 2008 6:14 PM
Hey Fish! Come on now, a Heath story MUST be put on top for the weekend. And not, like, six feet under...
40. MLK - January 25, 2008 6:16 PM
My true vision...
41. sol - January 25, 2008 6:22 PM
The boots are back.
42. hammer - January 25, 2008 6:23 PM
oh my god that brittney's shameless.
43. omg - January 25, 2008 6:24 PM
I love you britney you are my obomb babygirl1! Btw, what a nice bra-rack.
44. hammer - January 25, 2008 6:25 PM
oh my god that brittney's shamless.
45. granada - January 25, 2008 6:31 PM
Nice stretch marks on the stomach, Britney.
And also, isn't wherever she is cold? Here in Florida, one of the hottest states so far this year, reached somewhere around the 50s...
46. Search◊ Engines Web - January 25, 2008 6:36 PM
Britney using a common pay phone
as if she does not the best of breed cell or mobile
47. Clem - January 25, 2008 6:45 PM
@46 Oh man, that's deep.
48. Wojamo - January 25, 2008 6:56 PM
Britney's jeans make her look so skiiinnneee!!!! They're People's Liberation. I found them online at bubbleloungesc dot com
49. Clem - January 25, 2008 7:06 PM
@48 Yippeee! Thanks! Now people know where to go to get jeans that show off their junior gunt.
50. sharpeidude - January 25, 2008 7:12 PM
Hey diddle diddle...she's soft in the middle.
51. WTF - January 25, 2008 7:52 PM
testes testes 1...2...3...
52. redsonja1313 - January 25, 2008 7:55 PM
where exactly are the the women that like chris angel...outside of vegas street walkers ?? He is just looks like pedpphile or serial killer ...barf
53. FRIST!!! - January 25, 2008 7:57 PM
I just hears Britney is responsible for the Monte Carlo burning down! Oh how low she has sunk..
54. Binky - January 25, 2008 8:05 PM
Hey Brit
Where's that 'Investigate 9/11' tee shirt ? Didn't that pap you're going out with 'fill you in' ? ( Lose him then)
Even George Clooney is pleading - 'Stop the Insanity'
(But don' t try to sing about it hun. Ummm..No offense. etc. )
55. Binky - January 25, 2008 8:24 PM
Frist - the Vegas Monte Carlo fire - was all because of the 'evil doers' and the 'axis of evil'. Was sorry to see how it collapsed completely within an hour killing thousands.Etc. Wha ? No ? (Get Vegas with the program !)
Ok. Wait a sec I'm a 'team' player - that's completely irrelevant - I'll just check the Rolodex here to be a bit more specific to see who Yanks will attack next. ( Don't let your kids join the military)....
Hummm...It looks like Iran and then Venezuela.
Kreskin : Good call Binky.
56. Dr. Mom - January 25, 2008 8:40 PM
I knew that she wasn't bi-polar, but it is obvious, even to the layman , that she definitely has some major character disorder and should be locked up in a mental hospital.
57. Rx Rep - January 25, 2008 8:50 PM
The only people that still use pay phones are all of those stupid pharmaceutical salespeople that waste your doctor's time and yours by making you wait for your appointment an extra hour, and the only reason these overpaid bastards use them is so their boss won't know that they aren't calling on doctors after 1:30 and are just flaking off by a pool somewhere.
58. Binky - January 25, 2008 8:53 PM
Hummm...Dr. Mom's a 'team player'
( for those of you keeping score at home)
59. fo'sXgirl - January 25, 2008 9:01 PM
Binky. I love what you have to say. :)
60. Binky - January 25, 2008 9:16 PM
Re:#57
Binky :Good point RX rep. K- Fed just texted me. He digitized a missive : "Ask Rex Rep if he has any comments on 9/11."
And I texted back - 'K-Fed I think you're wrong. #57 is actually Rx (blank) Rep.' Etc.(so we'll let him continue)
K- Fed : Don't go all ' Britney' on me Binky. 9/11 was an inside job. I'm going to work it into my new album - don't tell TMZ - but I'm feeling a bit Marley, and willing even to go Reggae.
Binky : Well.ok.
61. Binky - January 25, 2008 9:19 PM
(#59 - you'll get over it - they all do)
62. Binky - January 25, 2008 9:52 PM
# 59 Thanks.
63. Wrench - January 25, 2008 10:28 PM
How can those be staged? She looks so natural...
64. gerard Vandenberg - January 25, 2008 10:29 PM
And there are ALWAYS the FUN-FAIR GOGGLES and the BAGS!!
65. HuckyDucky - January 25, 2008 10:42 PM
toolboy, sweet Thomas reference.
66. HuckyDucky - January 25, 2008 10:47 PM
toolboy, sweet Thomas reference.
67. Dani - January 25, 2008 10:47 PM
I like to try to imagine what was going through her head. "What should I do today? Hm... don't have to make my own food, clean my room, or dress myself... already went shopping for eight hours... I know! I'll set up a staged media event where I use a pay phone so that normal people will think I'm one of them and adore me again!"
68. spasmolytic46 - January 25, 2008 11:46 PM
I'm just glad she still shaves. I really don't want to imagine what the happy trail up her belly would look like otherwise.
69. beyonce - January 25, 2008 11:56 PM
You ppl jealous of Britney? Believe or not, Britney will still rock the year 2008. Britney is my favorite. I support her forever. The following is my personal info:
---------------------
I am a beautiful girl. I just want to take this chance to get to know a good man here for dating or marriage. If you are interested, check my profile and photos out at WealthyRomance.com. 1BEAUTY4U is my username.
70. LadyJane - January 26, 2008 1:07 AM
Sweet Baby Jesus, there's some retarded people around here.
71. jersey - January 26, 2008 3:38 AM
#43 omg
Once told me on tob that britney could kick my ass! I shit you not that is a true story! Silly silly fantards soooi desperate they are resorting to physical threats. How I laughed and laughed
72. chloe - January 26, 2008 12:28 PM
She is Dating someone who really understands the word 'commitment' on http://www.UniformedCupid.com - the best military dating site! ? Maybe she need this!
73. Thhpt! - January 26, 2008 1:14 PM
In the last photo- the chick behind her has a cell phone in her left hand. What facking trash. I think I'm going to go slam my head in the car door now. Maybe that will get the last five minutes out of my head.
74. Arejay - January 26, 2008 1:18 PM
Hey everyone! Remember a while back I posted here the REAL inside information about ALL OF THIS!!! This is just the TIP, this Staged stuff goes all the way up to K-Fed as well!! All this will unfold!! Stay tuned to this site, as its always RIGHT!
(you can check my ip from my comment before, its the same person)
75. Britney - January 26, 2008 1:45 PM
Cheerio Ya'll! This is Britney!
I just finished playing with me bangers and mash and me fingers are quite the sticky lot. Carla is a right trooper and will hack out the rest of this post for me.
Hi Everyone this is Carla! I'm going to type for Britney!
Britney wanted everyone to know just how she spends her day!
This morning Britney woke at 8:30am. (She's screaming for me to write- "Tell them I woke right bright and early with a chipper grin on me face! Then I tele'ed cook to bring me a serving of Bangers and Mash with a nice cuppa of Earl Grey Tea.") **Translation - And I'm not afraid of telling you the truth because Britney can't read!
Britney has not been to bed! She passed out for 30min. She woke up when she fell out of bed and hit her head on the night stand. She started screaming and ran into my room and hit me in the head with her shoe and said, "Wake up you dumb bitch and get me some diet Coke and Pringles!" When I brought her her Coke and Pringles she was laying naked on the bathroom floor with a curling iron up her hoo-haw and was smearing toothpaste on her boobs (AKA: Playing with her Bangers and Mash) Then she proceeded to take a fowl smelling dump on the floor! Oh wait, morning fun with Britney did not end there - She woke the rest of the staff to have them smell her rank shit! Britney likes to pretend she shits roses! So, when training a new cook, housekeeper, driver we have to train them to sniff and say, "Quite Right Madam, your shit does not stink! Might I say, Bravo on another masterpiece!"
O.k. Skank Whore is screaming for me, "Dearie please let me wonderful fans know that I am now dressing for a day at the studio where I shall exercise me vocal cords and prepare me a fabulous new music video that will premier on the tele on the fab Top of the Pops!"
O.k. the dumb bitch is sitting in front of her make up mirror totally naked! I think she might be peeing. She has that Doodie Face Look again! (That's what we call it here! She squishes up her face and starts sucking her thumb and 9 times out of 10 that means she pissed somewhere!) I swear she's not going into the studio! Most likely she going to run down to the kitchen and get a Hefty Garbage Bag, fart in it and run around the god damned house screaming, "Hefty, Hefty, Hefty, Wimpy, Wimpy, Wimpy!"
Oh lord, Britney wants me to let you know, "I'm quite round the twist! Someone nicked me tampons! Tell me fans to call me if they find them!"
Help us! When she can't find her tampons she usually wraps her vibrator in an old gym sock and sticks it up in that black hole she calls her Va-Jay-Jay! Do you know what a mess that causes? And of course when we try to tell her no - she screams! It's bloody freaking absorbent! I'm sure you all have seen that nasty bloody vagina photo!
Now she just handed me her day planner (FYI: She writes with eye liner and mascara!)
10:00 AM - Call Matilda Gertrude (AKA Jayden James)
10:05 AM - Drive to Sarah Michelle Gellar's House - Eat her Garbage (She's serous about this!)
11:00 AM - Go Home - Put on Pink Wig.
11:02 AM - Drive to In-n-Out Burger. Ask for 2 Double Doubles with extra Sauce and Cheese. Rub Burgers on Arm Pits. (It keeps the lady smelling fresh!)
11:45 AM - Drive to Rite-Aid. Take a Big Dump in the Hair Care Aisle. Buy Amber/Brown Loreal Hair Dye.
11:50 AM - Drink Amber/Brown Loreal Hair Dye
12:00 Noon - Blame Carla for letting me drink the Loreal Hair Dye
12:25 PM - Drive to Courtney Cox's House - Eat her Garbage and Poop on her Lawn. Scream to David Arquette that he's a douche bag!
12:30 PM - Go Home. Sleep
12:40 - 3:00 PM - Sleep
3:01 PM - Jump in pool with Mary Poppins Foaming Bath Wash!
3:01:001 PM - Get out of pool cuz I'm clean now!
3:10 PM - Call Smitty (Have no clue?)
3:15 PM - Drive to the Four Seasons. Strip naked in the Lobby Bathroom. Wait for a fan to change clothes with me. (She really does this!)
3:20 PM - Pass out in Carla's Car. (HELP!)
4:50 PM - Wake up when Carla takes me to the Car Wash and leaves the windows open so I get Foamy Fresh! (AGAIN - HELP ME!)
5:30 PM - Drive Home Change clothes. Have Carla wear the Blue and White Anna Sui Mini Dress and roll around in the yard to give it a lived in look. (HELP HELP HELP - NOBODY PICKS UP THE DOG DOODIE IN THE YARD BECAUSE WE AREN'T SURE IF IT IS DOG POOP OR BRITNEY POOP!)
5:45 PM - Call Sam to let X17 know that I am running out to Macy's to buy maternity clothes.
6:00 PM - Arrive at Macy's and pretend to be upset at the Paps! Call the police to help and pretend not to know Carla so she gets pushed around. (DEAR GOD NOT AGAIN! I WAS JUST THROTTLED BY THE OLD MAN THE OTHER DAY!)
7:00 PM - Leave Macy's with a big bag full of Auntie Anne's Cinnamon Pretzels!
7:01 PM - Eat Pretzels!
7:20 PM - Call Adnan. Have Carla tell him that I a moist. (THIS MEANS I HAVE TO CHANGE THE FREAKING GYM SOCK! I Swear she doesn't pay me enough!)
8:00 PM - Time for Uncle Stoli and Cousin Vicodin! (AKA - The BritBrit Cocktail!)
9:00 PM - Turn into Harajuku Girl and speak with an Asian Accent. Impress Gwen Stefani! Eat Gwen's Garbage!
Well folks - She's a real trip and we will keep posting! Brit loves the Superficial and hates Perez Hilton!
76. Dougie - January 26, 2008 1:55 PM
Hey, is it true that Brit and her sister were caught and photographed fucking a pony? I read that someplace. You'd think the photos would turn up, wouldn't you?
77. Matthew - January 26, 2008 3:11 PM
britney:: hey yall hi yall i am calling brandine and cleatus for a moonshine party! OPERATOR:the time will be (thinks it is britney) trainwreck
78. El Ces - January 26, 2008 3:19 PM
Hm...wasn't it Mischa Barton's birthday a couple of days ago?
No word on it? She in jail?
79. Daniel - January 26, 2008 3:44 PM
Jesus, Titties is on fire
80. Ted from LA - January 26, 2008 6:29 PM
#76
Yo Dougie,
It wasn't a pony, it was a sheep. I have the pictures. They said it wasn't baaaaaaaaad.
81. anita - January 26, 2008 7:43 PM
why do her clothes always look like they are from walmart?
82. upset waitress - January 26, 2008 8:56 PM
She camps out in the Wal-mart parking lot is my guess
83. hausfrau - January 26, 2008 11:39 PM
#75- Wow- it's like being there.
Binky- was the Monte Carlo an inside job??
84. Cindylee - January 27, 2008 2:59 AM
I hate Britney . She wasn't a good star or wife. She puts herself ahead of her children's happiness. I am a single plus size girl who like child very much. I recently join one bbw dating club bbwconnect.com. I meet my lover here. We will married & accept a baby ...Also, i will send all my wishes to those who want to find true lovers like me. Visit bbwconnect.com now!
85. justtheobvious - January 27, 2008 9:12 AM
Who the F uses pay phones?
86. Luvmyselves - January 27, 2008 9:16 AM
#75- Britney- brilliant. LOL for many minutes. You must do this for a living
87. Blinky - January 27, 2008 10:34 AM
I'm just a jackoff trying to waste everyone's time.
So something happened on 9/11. Gee, where was I then. Oh, that's right, I was printing up "T" shirts in XXXXL to sell to Michael Moore.
88. Britney2 - January 27, 2008 10:41 AM
# 75
I hate Prez Hilton, too, the few times that I've been to that site my computer has gotten a virus. I think that the site has VD or an STD that they need to get some Herpes meds for.
89. Britney - January 27, 2008 12:35 PM
Ching Ching Chop Bokchoy Ya'll this is Britney!
I just wanted to check in with ya'll real quick! I've got to get back to the kitchen! I'm rewarding my staff with a super special Chinese New Year Breakfast! Carla is going to finish my post! I spent all night writing down my inner most secrets! Bing Bing Ding Tokyo Ya'll! (If you don't speak Chinese that means - Champagne Wishes and Caviar Dreams Love Britney!)
Good Morning Everyone this is Carla!
Sorry, for Britney's strange Ching-ing and Bing-ing she's stuck in the Harajuku Britney Personality and thinks that it is Chinese New Year today.
She's down in the kitchen right now with a box of condoms and Cheez Whiz making us Egg Rolls! (When CNN reports that the entire Malibu Fire Department is at the house - she ignored my warning and did in fact deep fry the Egg Rolls (AKA: Condoms stuffed with Cheez Whiz)) And she was up at 6 AM making Wonton Soup! I'm sure it is going to taste so good! She boiled a gallon of SunnyD and threw the dog toys in it! She's down there screaming right now. I guess someone stole her Rice-a-Roni? (I'm going to ignore her. Get this post done and chug a bottle of Pepto! Maybe I'll be able to make it through Chinese New Year?)
Anyway, so Britney was up all night long writing down her inner most feelings for me to post. She found out last night - While she was eating Gwen Stefani's Garbage and screaming, "Gwen you looky at me! I Harajuku Girl! You see how slanty my eyes!" - that Adnan is selling videos he made of her for 2 Million Dollars. She got really depressed and decided to share her inner most thoughts and feelings. To let everyone know she is a human being with real feelings!
Sorry, the Rice-a-Roni Theft is now Top Priority! Sorry, this is my fault - usually I monitor her TV Viewing VERY VERY closely, but sometime between 3-6 AM (when I dozed off) she watched an old episode of South Park. The one with the Underpants Gnomes? Britney believed that the Underpants Gnomes stole her Rice-a-Roni. I had to very patiently explain that Underpants Gnomes do not steal Rice-a-Roni - they steal underpants She giggled, gave me a hug then walked away picking lint out of her belly button.
O.k. so she's wants all of her loyal and devoted fans to know that she is not Hannah Montana! There are 6 pages - written in toothpaste - that say, "I am not Hannah Montana!"
Then she wrote a very graphic 26 Page "Expose" on how she was vaginally and anally raped by Dakota Fanning over a grueling 3 day period in 2004 with a big stick, a shoe, hair pins, a set of Dutch Wooden Shoes, Jack Daniels BBQ Sauce, a Boxwood Hedge and a sippy cup.
Oops, Britney is here and wants to read the post. "Carla, I need to make sure that your are typing everything that I want to say to my fans." Folks - She's just LICKING THE SCREEN!
I told you before she can't read! She can write, but she can't read. (She says she's Dish-sexual, but I think she means Dyslexic?) Although, I wish she'd learn to write with a pen or pencil! Her essay on, "How Dakota Fanning Raped me over a grueling 3 day period in 2004" was written in Cheeto and I believe she used a Milky Way Bar as Highlighter.
O.k. so Britney wants me to transcribe her thoughts, she just crumpled up her notes and made this pooping sound and said, "I have new thoughts - CARLA!")
(This should be good.)
She wants all her fans to know that she is not like Princess Diana.
"No matter what Adnan-Cootie Head says I am not Princess Diana! He's a Dootie Footied though! I am the new Vanna White! Sometimes when I'm in the shower I open my mouth and let the water hit my teeth like a Water-Pik! Princess Diana never did that! Vanna did! Kevin read me her book. Ya know the one when she speaks! And when Augustus Monroe (AKA - Sean Preston) plays with his Alphabet Blocks I turn them!"
She wants all of her fans to know that she wants to start a Favorite Things list just like Oprah!
"I love Oprah! She has nice hair! I want to be like her! Carla I want to tell my fans my Favorite things! They will love it and can be just like me!"
(Here you go folks - straight from Harajuku Britney!)
1: Trojan-ENZ Condoms. "When I run out of Hubba Bubba Chewing Gum. I pop a condom in my mouth for lip smacking a cracking enjoyment! The Paps never know and they have a yummy creamy taste! Plus, when I get bored I can make Balloon Animals for Patrick Humphrey (AKA Jaden James) and Lola Hippitty Boo-Boo (AKA: Sean Preston)"
2: Poppers. "When I run out of Butter or Lard and want to cook my friends a nice down home Southern Meal I just heat up a pan and use Poppers! Nothing sticks and clean up is EASY!" (O.K. what the rank bitch does is - she heats up a pan to about 450-475 Degrees while dancing around the kitchen, usually just in her fuzzy bunny slippers and a dirty bra - then when it is good and hot she dumps a bottle of Poppers in the pan. She inhales the vapors and passes out for 2-3 days. When she wakes up she has lovely stories about how she had a dinner party for Liz Taylor, Ronald McDonald, the Fanta Soda Dancers (Do you wanna Fanta?) and Mr Magoo. How she cooked Chitlens, Grits, Okra and what-not and how they ate everything and clean up was a breeze!)
3: Poop. Sorry, she's now singing her Poop Song! "Poop drops on roses and Poop on Kittens, Poop Paper Packages Tied up with Poop. These are a few of my...." (She's OBSESSED WITH FECAL MATTER! I think a new name for her should be Scatney!)
4: Gas Stations. "I love Gas Stations! I can pee there. Are we done yet? I counted to 100 Bazillion Million Kachillion!"
O.k. she's done. She has to go back to cooking Chinese New Year Breakfast/Brunch for us! I have to run - She's screaming for me to bring her Cream Cheese, Plastic Bags, Super Glue and Mr. Ippity (Our Turtle) - She's making us Crab Rangoons!
Anyway, I'll let you know how this day goes! Remember STAY TUNED TO CNN!
90. LadyJane - January 27, 2008 2:16 PM
You have WAAAAAY too much fucking time on your hands....^^^^
91. Foxy - January 27, 2008 5:58 PM
I personally think she doesn't have as much money as we think she does. I bet she and Adnan are in on all this and trying to make a buck. I mean, supposedly Britney gets $700,000 a MONTH! Where is this money coming from? WHY should she get so much money? How long is she supposed to get paid this? Maybe she doesn't really get paid that much anymore....
check out my blog http://i-heart-money.blogspot.com
92. Binky - January 27, 2008 8:43 PM
# 82 " This blog is known to the state of California to cause Cancer, anal seepage, .."
Don't worry, you had me at 'anal seepage.'
#83 Not sure , but apparently McCain wants to attack some of the older casinos.
#90 Good point Lady, but I don't like Perez either and some of Brit's info seemed rather credible.
93. Jennifer - January 27, 2008 9:55 PM
I am just a bit curious...Her profile was found on millionaire dating site 'BillionaireCupid.com' last week.
94. mizztissa - January 27, 2008 11:25 PM
I guess her lil sister will drive the attention whore train while she's in the mental hospital? When does her little sister's new CD come out?
95. Binky - January 27, 2008 11:52 PM
Whatever happened to BarbadoSlim ?
'Put on your sunglasses'
He seemed like a good shit.
96. Binky - January 28, 2008 8:44 AM
I'm just a jerkoff trying to waste everyone's time with my comments that are just plain retarded.
I'd better go to U Tube to figure this out becuase I didn't know that "The Superficial" was a blog; Oh shit, I thought this was a chat room.
97. RichPort - January 28, 2008 9:39 AM
#89 - Thanks... I've never actually seen type-written diarrhea before.
#95 - Frustration with TypeKey trolls. BSlim is one of the legendary Fish posters. Sorely missed...
98. yukadoozer - January 28, 2008 9:40 AM
Nice squishy paunch.
99. my comment - January 28, 2008 10:53 AM
Anyone know who designed her belt or where she got it? I want it.
100. who cares?! - January 28, 2008 12:03 PM
100th!!!!!!!
101. IWONKY - January 29, 2008 3:28 AM
#99...maybe her asswipe assistant will sell it to you, complete with Shitney's rancid cooch smell via proximity because there's no way in hell that malodorous smell has not permeated that belt.
102. cori - January 31, 2008 8:38 AM
u guys all have 2 much time on ur hands.,and i think u wish it was britney as much as u guys talk about her. Leave her alone she acts the same way u probably act, ur just jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
103. cori - January 31, 2008 8:38 AM
u guys all have 2 much time on ur hands.,and i think u wish it was britney as much as u guys talk about her. Leave her alone she acts the same way u probably act, ur just jealous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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