Jan 24 2008Ben Stiller defends Tom Cruise

turd....

That is great. It is spooky how much he looks and acts like Tom Cruise....

I admire Tom Cruise too. Scientology is a sound religion based on many truths of the universe. Just because it is too intricate for you fartknockers to understand.....

When Ben Stiller speaks, people listen.

Who let in all the retards?

And by retards, I mean BaconMessiah.

Piss on Ben Stiller.

Jerry is my new hero!

What he really meant to say is "I know my father is funnier than me and most of my movies blow, but so what because Tom Cruise is gay."

Just have to read between the lines, that's all

Tom Cruise a human...ha! That makes me giggle. That video was hilarious and I wish these damn celebrities would realize that the only reason people talk about them so much is because they're crazy. The less crazy they are, the less we laugh at them. Tom Cruise is a crazy and his wife is a crazy by default. Poor girl...so young...oh well. I like to laugh.

It's Adam Sandler, if you read People.com...not Ben Stiller...

BACON Messiah you need to be hooked up to the E-Meter.

Did anyone see the Tom Cruise romp of insanity? That dude is batshit crazy as it comes. he makes brit-brit look normal, yall!

Tom Cruise is not a person, he is an alien.

I am just a bit curious...His profile was found on millionaire dating site 'BillionaireCupid.com' last week.

Tom Cruise... a person?!?
Isnt he an alien or something?!? :)

Tom Cruise once forcibly gave me a blowjob in a Pizza Hut bathroom. Then he bought me a delicious slice of pepperoni and all was forgiven. He always gets me when he bats those "Scientology" eyes at me. It makes me forget about the man-rape he just performed on me.

O'Connell's got TC's laugh down to a perfect science....

If faggy Timberlake's "Dick in a Box" video can win an EMMY...This video deserves 10.

adam sandler or ben stiller,isnt that the same. tom cruise
is scary and obsessed as hell.

weird

It'd be hilarious if Jake Gyllenhaal was suddenly found dead and that story trumped Jerry O'Connell, again.

#16 Yes Papa, you see, the supernatural integrity of the universe is preserved in an eternal way by such unions. Tom has a higher way of thinking than most people.

I love that people are surprised that Jerry O'Connell did this video. It makes perfect sense to me, he has the least to lose! You can't screw up a career if you don't have one.

"hen he bought me a delicious slice of pepperoni" I'm sure that's code. But reciprocity should always be appreciated during sexual encounters.

What does ugly Suri have to do with the video highlighting Tom Cruise's insanity?

L. Ron Hubbard, a *fictional* author, developed Scientology :-) That's enough for me to sign up, but wait, there is that other one by Joe Smith and his magic mushrooms... decisions, decisions...

he's not so much a person as an enturbated theta that needs to be cleared through engrams. yeah, and donations of his personal fortune to the pyramid scheme *cough* scientology leader. oh xenu, why?

Does anyone ever ask WWBSD? Who was the asshole that asked for Ben Stiller's opinion (on anything) in the first place? Hey Joke man, less talky more funny.

Tom Cruise will SAVE THIS NATION!! One prepubescent runaway boy at a time.

Lady Jane why so bitter? it's not my fault your food stamps ran out.

I liked Ben Stiller in Zoolander.

After reading that comment it makes me think he wasn't acting in Zoolander, thats the real deal Ben Stiller.

leave tom alone, MI1-3 rules!

BaconMessiah, and it's not MY fault that you were born with a dick AND a twat.

How does one type when jerking off with bacon grease?

Tom Cruise should jump off a Ledger and die.

#31, Lipalicious... are you for fucking real? Even Heath Ledger could act better in the Mission Impossibles, even if shooting started next month.

Awesome, Janey! Now BaconM can go FUCK HIMSELF.

@33 - I think there must be saran wrap involved.

Tom Cruise could jump off a curb to commit suicide.

Is it you number 34? Hmmmm?

WOW...Where's Jerry been for the past 10 years, besides cheesy original SCi-Fi channel movies??

Isn t he married to Rebecca Romaine (spelling) God I would damage her

@39 - your such a collossal douche this whole place smells like Summer Rain.

I just lost all respect for Ben Stiller, and any other celeb that defends the midget Cruise.

But Jerry O'connell on the other hand, I gave him props since Stand By Me.

She's not a fucking salad ingredient, deaconjones.

People, People!
Settle, settle... NOW! Tom Cruise is a lovely fellow! Full of zip and vigor!!! This Jerry McDonalds seems harsh and soooo uncouth. How Tacky!

#38 You miss are a funny young lady.! Kudos to you!!!

Deacon Jones thinks women buy their panties at "Vidalia's Secret"

Wow Lady Jane that was a good one. Someone write that for you? The term is Hemaphrodite BTW, you should remember that I'm sure it will come in handy for you someday soon..

#41 classic

I only really come here for the weekly Tom Cruise beatings.

THANKS TO YOU... ONE AND ALL!

TCLTC
xrist, it's a freakin' Ferret reunion in here this morning.

35. pinky_nip - dude you gotta admit those motorcycles on M2 were sweet! dont haaaaate!

This from the guy who made losing your jerk juice famous??

@ 49
Not exactly.

Hey, BaconMessiah, it's HERMAPHRODITE, and if you want to whip out the zingers, I suggest taking a lesson from anyone else on this thread.

LadyJane and Zanna, you know you love it like this.

@49: Not even close.

What's up Ponk. Dude, I just found out last week you were a guy. I thought you were a chick. No offense, I really did. But if you take offense, I will gladly teabag you in front of a church.

"Imagine having a baby and people talking about it the way they did," says Stiller.

Ben, if you mean saying things like "eat the placenta" bronzing the first turd, and hiding the baby in a dark closet until they land the priciest photo op - then yes, people that do that kind of thing to a baby are batshit crazy.
oh and btw Ben, you're not funny.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ferrets are disgusting creatures, and you can't use them like you can a gerbil, right p0nk?

@57-
Jerry O'Connell is, however. And does a damn fine Cruise impression... except for the fact that he's about a foot taller, but what are ya gonna do?

Gerbils- I find them to be a bit tooo fiesty for my taste. pinky_nip.

JANEYHAIKU

There are those who come
many who are not worthy
click the link to see.

See you.

Im sensing a lot of hostility from Lady Jane and Zanna...
they must be fat pigs

Ferrets are nasty creatures, you're correct, Pinks. So are possums. Make good speed bumps, though.

What the fuck is up with all the links to some xanga shit?? Are you ALL the same fucking person??

Jerry's thinking this will be more of a come back than Jenna's c u m- back..

@54- Yeah, we're gonna click on a link that says sexual abuse rape victim you fucking fuckwad..

Jerry O'Connell should be offered a $20 million dollar movie role as a reward for making this most excellent video. I say replace Tom Cruise with Jerry O'Connell

The link is very enjoyable! You will enjoy it. ENJOY!!!

@65--

Ya never know.

@63 - you sound hostile yourself. I deduct from your choice of lower case letters that you have a small penis.

You fuckers aren't chicken are you???????? Go and find out.
bock bock bock BUKAKKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@69--

Probably drives a truck with very large tires, too.

i really can't figure out what Bacon has done to piss off the ferret clan to bring them all in here this morning, other than general douchebaggery, but there is never a lack of those in here.
and papa, not sure what your prob is, finally have a sober moment? nice to know you all still talk about me.

Zanna- #63 is not necessarily true. I sometimes type in lower case letters because when I have my dick out while typing, it covers everything from F5 down to the letter "v" and everything to the left of it, including the shift button. (it's a visual). My right shift button doesn't work because I tore it off in frustration for having such a huge penis.

It's easy to be the Office Whore when you work for your daddy at the tire shop.

Do NOT criticize deaconjones, he is very silly and soooo butch, right ladies?

Who said it has anything to do with Bacon?

Ponk- don't kid yourself, I've never had a sober moment. The last time I had a sober moment was when

What's supposed to be so bad about the picture linked by the FerretGirls (sorry, that's your SuperFish birthname and your stuck with it)? It'd be different if the heel of the shoe was puncturing the scrotum. Any guy who played competitive sports and got kicked or elbowed in the 'nads, or hit by a baseball or puck, has already had that experience. Come on, you can do better than that, FerretGirls.

p0nk- looks like Tom got to them.
Fish, can you get these dipshits to go back to their own lame site? This is OUR lame site!!

@73-thats what I love about you Papa. The educational factor. Your like, "All Discovery Channel All the Time"

p.s. Send pics.

very interesting. i'm curious what i've done to piss off the entire ferret clan.
Office Whore, meet the AFJ clan.

@69

you hit the nail on the head, or is it NAIL ON THE HEAD?

Were you one of the 80% of girls in college who thought they were going to become a psychologist with a degree from the local community college?

p0nk is a clever and interesting person and the Fish is lucky to have him as a poster. And he is tres manly!

Elton's Lover has seen all, knows all and sometimes does all. ;-)

@78--

Fuck off. We were here before Ferret, and outlasted him in every way. Ferret's gone, deal.

The superfish isn't making us go anywhere. More clicks more money.

Pinky_Nip is fucking killing me today...

#63 - The only things fat on those two are the sets of DDs their bras mysteriously contain. Oh, and my cock in their asses.

Lay off of p0nk people, he's one of the very few funny people left here.

TCLTC

@72 - It wasn't me. I'm a target of convenience. They must have been attacking themselves too much recently. Or not enough.

@81 -

It ain't all about you.

Yea, the only thing left of Ferret around here is his wife....LOL

Hello, Office Whore! Ummmm yeah, just so you know. p0nk is OURS not YOURS high school girl. Frankly, you know nothing about him. If you wish to have the fight of cats, I can diddly do that.

Can bitches synchronize their menstrual cycles over the internet?

85- not gonna happen dumbass. You're annoying as hell. You and your clan of tards are, well, fantastically retarded.

I am not a Ferret Girl. I'm a Breck girl.

@92--

Annoying as hell? Then we've succeeded. Thanks.

Karen, that doesn't even make sense.

93. we don't fucking care, douche.

Richport- I wasn't attacking ponk, I was joking with him. I remember when he had a sense of humor, and a loaf of bread was a nickel. C'mon man, if I can't joke with a cat about teabagging, then what's left? Chicken crossing the road jokes? OK Fine.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To see me teabag Ponk.

JUST KIDDING. For fuck's sake, I shouldn't have to explain myself to my fake internet friends.

I swear it's like kicking dead puppies around here... I mean sure it's fun the first 30 or 40 times, but after a while they just start to stain your shoes.

BRING ON AMOMYMOUS, THE ANTISPAM MARTYR!!!

@92 - REALLY???? THANK YOU! *happy dance*

So Ben Stiller added to the "don't see his movies" list...

Wait... Already on there. Gravy....

The best Tom Cruise impressions I have seen usually are to be found in kiddie porn vids. Alien kiddie porn vids. With turtlenecks...

Oooh, looks like we've upset the fine balance of "wit" that's been standard here for months. Boo-hoo.

Comeon Fish People.... joke around.... learn about humour!

*flips scarf over shoulder*

#97 - I assume you'll be mailing me a check for my nasal surgery, snce you just made me laugh so hard I have a piece of frit stuck in my nose... just not in the "Cruise" fashion...

So...stay and make the place fun again. I promise I won't peek at your privates.

um deacon, calling any of the xanga girls 'fat' misses by a mile so it would be in your best interest to chill unless you enjoy looking foolish. i can attest they are all quite hot. i'm not sure what prompted the uprising in here today or the anomosity towards me. I do wish you all would lay off of Office Whore because she is not part of the majority douchebaggery in here. And #90, i don't know who you are, but i'm pretty sure i'm not part of the generic 'yours'.

Hey Jennifer:

Hi there, I'm a loser with no life. I'm paid $3.50 per hour to post idiotic drivel, directing you to some lame dating website that takes your money and gives you nothing in return. I have no job, so I sit around all day and post this garbage on as many websites as I can under many different aliases. I don't have any friends, so I must rely on these moronic posts to make myself feel better about myself. My mother hates me and dropped me on my head as a child. You can find me at I'mAnIdiotTrollWithNoLifeAndShouldBeKilled.com
I heard Jamie Lynn Spears met her older man, I mean match, at this site.

Richromances.com and all those other fucking dating sites that get spammed around here are all registered to this asshole. Du Qiang ecomfun@aol.com 800 West El Camino Real, #180 Mountain View, California 94040 United States 650-906-0405

If no one's gonna peek at my privates, I am fucking out of here. --crosses the road with the chicken--

I'm loving this! I remember all you funsters from before... fuck, welcome back!

LOL! I love it!

If no one's gonna peek at my privates, I am fucking out of here. --crosses the road with the chicken--

I love how it goes from funny (or stupid...bacon...) comments about the story to bashing each other in 30 comments or less.

@106--

Thanks, blondie. Let me know if you need some, ah, sunscreen any time. *wink*

ok papa, my bad, you crazyass sheepfocking jew.

@105 *looks dramatically away*...well....I don't know if we WANT to stay now. If you don't look at my privates then why do I bother shaving and anal bleaching? it's like I'm doing all this for NOTHING.

Hey Ferrets, where's the Minnesota girl?

aww p0nk. I woulda stood up for myself, but fuckin' pops has me changing this stupid tire.

@106--

Thanks, blondie. Let me know if you need some, ah, sunscreen any time. *wink*

I wish this site had avatars because I would break out the sheepf0cking jew Papa avatar right now.

-beaches his taint for his own personal amusement. And for the chicken...

apache, 'sunscreen' ah, good times, good times.

I want to take the person in #107 and pull off her panties, and with all my might and strength, open-handedly slap her cunt as hard as God will allow me to do so. I mean I really want to whack it.

@112-we made you love. WE MADE YOU FEEL AGAIN!!!

Oops, sorry for the double post. Why does the "movable type" thing like to mess with me? Hmm... don't answer that.

@122
Oh, Papa, you romantic fool, you.

Besame....mucho!!!!!!!!!

Besame!

Zanna, you rule...comment #41 is an instant classic.

@127....my God...I love the word FISTULA.

You.

Complete.

Me.

I guess the backlash backlash has begun. You know, if other celebrities made videos of themselves snake handling or speaking in tongues or molesting little kids or beating homos to death, we'd think they were fuckin' crazy too. Obviously, it's not TC's fault (or is it? some people do think there's no such thing as bad PR, look at Britney) that the video was made public, but you'd think that somebody would have thought twice about videotaping something that looks like a fucking Nazi rally if they didn't want the rest of us to conclude that Scientologists are out of their goddamned minds (LRH! LRH! LRH!). A sex tape could only improve TC's rep at this point.

The thing I dislike about celebrities (really the only thing) is that they love PR when it works for them and saturate the airwaves with their talk show appearances to shill their latest movie, book, religion, whatever, but when it turns against them, all of a sudden, we're a bunch of assholes for watching.
Bottom line, don't act like a nutjob and we won't think you are one.

The crappy current Fish writer is reading this saying "Thank God... I live another day... I mean look boss! Look at all these hits!!!"

Meanwhile, the high school students are shuddering nervously, debating whether or not to hit "Post Your Comment".

#129 That's so wonderful -all your interesting little words there, so neat and AMAZING, but..... we really would like to know ummm.... what side of the bread do YOU butter, what little tricks do you use to WOW your lovers, hmmmm?

@122--It's about time we had an open and honest discussion of the joys of 'cunt slapping' in this Nation. I commend you, sir...

Also, Tom Cruise has been married 3 times... I'll take my life coaching from someone who hasn't participated in two failed marriages. And hopped all over Oprah's couch like a monkey on meth. And doesn't cackle maniacally at nothing. And doesn't worship a dead science fiction writer.

K, Tom? Thanks.

Fistula is a pretty cool word, but I understand it is a very unpleasant condition.

Funniest thing about this post: "Unauthorized autobiography"

Bwah hahahaha.

Did Tom Cruise write it, then reject his own words and disown himself?

Now, now, Rich. You'll dislocate your shoulder patting yourself on the back like that. But yeah, it's way more fun today. Fuckers.

#135 - I'm double jointed... I generally dislocate my wrists whilst a-whack...

That was hilarious ............way to go Jerry !

That was hilarious ............way to go Jerry !

@ 3 HAHAHAHA. "FARTKNOCKER"??? Last time I heard that word was in the early 90s. At recess. Please tell me your entire statement was meant to be funny. Because either your sense of irony is finely tuned, or you are a fucking idiot.

Can someone point me to where I can see any of the original Tom Cruise scientology rant videos? There are a bunch of spoofs out there, but I guess I did not act quick enough to see what they are based off of.

Deal Dialy: Today, not so good. Roud mouth name Bacon Messiah tark beau coupe shit. Make me so piss off.

I love Jerry O'Connell. That was AWESOME!

#141 - Uhhhhhhhhh, what???

Oh. My. God. Jerry O'Connell is my new hero. That is genius. And much better than the Tom Cruise version. Did anyone else think at the end of Tom's 7 minutes "Actually, he didn't say ONE thing about the religion itself, or anything specific about ANYTHING?" Jerry at least makes it clear. He believes in KFC.

143--uhhhhhhhh, what? That's like the smartest thing to ever fall out of your pie hole I bet. Anyhoo.....don't you speak Korean? Cho said he's not happy because he came to the superficial and there was a loud mouth taking a lot of junk named Bacon Messiah. Sheesh!

Tom Cruise has a direct line to the Alien nation. That can't be fictional because Predator told me so.
Plus, Mr. Cruise is free to practice his insanity, just as we are free to make fun of it. I hope Tom Cruise gets a girly-man that wears eyeliner to cry on Youtube for him. Like Jared Leto or something. That would be made of win.

I love Tom Cruise and wish people would stop poking fun at his beliefs. He's incredibly polite and respectful, and has never really behaved in an haughty or obnoxious manner. So please, cunts, leave him alone and focus on the real turds.

147--I beg to differ....exhibit A: Couch Jumping on Oprah.

It is sad to see all the hate and insecurity on this site that comes up whenever Scientology is mentioned. This is a classic defense mechanism -- Scientology shows you a way to improve your life, but you are too afraid to take it, so you lash out.

Don't be afraid.

The Matt Lauer interview was worse - arrogant, hyper-aggressive, and as always, shot through with tard in terms of what he was saying.

Uh, #149: You are obviously a troll. Run along now.

"Shot Through With Tard" should be the name of a country song. Of every country song.

Ground control to Major Tom:
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on
Ground control to Major Tom: Commencing countdown engine's on

wow. ben stiller truly lives in tom cruise's ass, doesn't he?

i thought that was just a stupid sketch.

#149 - You better run before #151, AnonymousSpamMartyr, makes you cry.

"I am Rich Port, and you bastards better start paying more attention to me, because I am SOMEBODY!"

Dude, you're worse than Twitney when it comes to attention whoring.

#156 - Hi pot... my name is kettle...

I try to keep the words as short as your attention span.

Rich Port, your attempts at humor are becoming increasingly more lame. Try harder, please. You are embarassing yourself.

#159 - I'm rubber you're glue...

What can I say? You're titillating tidbits truly tickle my tummy. Hey, millionairefriends.com just made MORE money while you were busy losing your dignity. Have you no shame???

Anonymouse.
Please.....I've seen dead kittens with more pizazz than Anonymouse.

It's clear to me that Anony-PUSS has a hard time moving on....he's still here and there are two other stories posted.

#159: That's better. You're getting there. Keep it up. You'll be doing standup real soon.

lol

#162 - If I attempt stand up with your material, it would be legal for the crowd to as train me... or as you like to call it, Saturday night me.

Anonafag, you are the epitome of failure in the entire human race, or maybe you're just someone who likes rice.

You don't hold a candle to our beloved pendejo.

C'mon ninj.... he CAN hold a candle to me... to light my fucking cigarette.

"it would be legal for the crowd to as train me."

Please decipher. I don't speak moron.

#151, I'm sorry to cause you discomfort, but please think about what I have said.

Anonymous is stomping you. Just as you cannot keep a woman to save your lives, you don't cut it here anymore. But cockninja might have some steam still.

#168: OK, I've thought about it. Can I speak with the aliens now, or will that cost more?

#169 - Shut it, wally.

We know you speak moron, Anonymous... well you cut and paste it 150 times a fucking day.

apologies if anyone else has already brought this up, but the rather hypocritical mr. stiller himself mercilessly spoofed tom on SNL's celebrity jeopardy. in conclusion, they're both retarded.

#7 - you took the words right out of my mouth!

OMG! HE IS GOOD. He is so good, its creepy!

Rich Port, stop with the hissy fits. It's not attractive.

Port_au_Princess, did you really just call us fartknockers?

Port_au_Princess, did you really just call us fartknockers?

Double comment ftw!

Now thats some Kush-Lash.

(Jerry Maguire reference in which O'Connell plays "Kush" the #1 draft pick and sings a song called "Kush-Lash") Ahem.

Is Ben Stiller the stupidist retard imaginable.....talk about career suicide, I used to think Ben Stiller was pretty cool and funny but his support of a completely deluded, Naziesque, prick of a human being has obliterated any respect I had for the man and his comedy. Ben, your a fuckin ass kissin moron to publicly endorse Tom as some kind of victim. fuck I hate actors..flakey self absorbed manipulative pricks the lot of them.

Great... The Anonymous Walrus fucked everything up... again.

I AM XENU! BOW BEFORE ME PUNY HUMANS!

I see that agents of scientology are trying to censor my posts! Good luck fags! I am the galactic leader and you will soon bow before my ass!

My DC-8 space plane does Warp 9 and I'm coming to Earth. And when I arrive I will spread the truth about my galactic presidency.

P.S. L Ron licked to lick hairy balls. Sick, I know, but he begged for it on his sea org ship.

I AM XENU!

As crazy as Scientology is, is any religion any better?

Opps! Looks like they got to Ben Stiller too! Too bad...all his brains have been sucked out of his head and replaced with 75 million year old alien space goo!

Next comes the Xenu-Vacuum to clean out all of his life's savings.
But hey...you'll get a ride on the "Big Ship" Ben!

Wait, so Ben Stiller's crazy too? Aww, man... actually, I never really cared for him. Oh well. Just another example of why celebrities have no business being on the internet.