Sep 28 2007Tom Cruise is building a bunker to protect against aliens

I so want this to be true!

I'd still fuck him.

Scientology is hilarious.

Only 2 weeks late on this one.

Yes, please let it be true. I'll stand outside with a voice changer shouting "I am Xenu! I have come for revenge! Where is Tom Cruise? I want him first, that little shit made me a laughing stock!"

Well, he did say he almost let it go.

maybe it would be like that one movie from blast from the past and he would dissapear for 25 years

Scientology will turn ya ugly.

That's right Tom, don't build a bunker in case there is a chemical weapons attack. Dont build a bunker in case of a nuclear missle strike.
Yeah Man! Build a bunker 'cause them aliens are gonna come and get 'cha!

and superfish are ya sure he isn't building the contaiment facility up his nose cause he could fit 20 people in that there schnooz or Rosie O'donelle. She loves the crazy little bastard.

He sure is cute for a wacko!

Grand kudos on the old school movie reference. Klaatu barada nikto, indeed.

Knew he was crazy! hanging out with aliens! lock yourself up, Tom. www.hollyweirdreport.com

He just needs a big place to store his ego....

Any room for me and Brooke?

Tom Cruise Hates Farts
Tracking Down Offensive Gas Passer
Sep 27, 2007

There’s a stink brewing on behind the scenes of Tom Cruise’s WWII flick, Valkyrie.

…Tom Cruise, had asked that everyone working on the film observe one minute of silence in honor of the heroes of war they were about to portray.

When, during the minute, someone passed gas, Cruise stormed off the set in a rage, and he is now on a hunt to have the unknown fartmonger fired.
The crew recorded the moment of silence and Cruise wants to review the tape to find the gaseous culprit. Obviously this man has too much time on his hands.

Tom is wise. I have personal experience with the savagery and cruelty of Xenu. His galactic secret police are everywhere and Xenu is planning an assault upon the Andromeda galaxy which will consume most of the resources of the Milky Way.

Sooner or later Xenu's engineers will arrive here, and when they do, they will take pretty much everything. My only question is, will Tom's bunker be enough? I think it and your planet in general could stand a good deal of augmentation.

And so, I am requesting asylum from your planet. I have arrived virtually without resources but I can help with the construction of force fields, new weapons, starships, wormhole generators, physics and math that your people do not yet possess, etc. It should enable you to hold out a bit when Xenu's forces arrive and help you obtain a better settlement than you otherwise would.

Tom, if you read this, please contact Mr. Superfish and tell him arrange a meeting. I am serious.

Sincerely,

A Refugee from Xenu

Cute? You'd still fuck him?

Where the hell have you been dating?

His hair SUCKS

Wow, I always thought he was in it for the money or something... apparently he *is* completely crazy.

it's too bad he missed his ride on the spaceship that was behind the hale-bop comet in 1997. Would have saved us all 10 years of looking at and listening to this weird little creep!

Please stop mocking Tom, this is serious. He won't take my open letter seriously if it is surrounded by mockery.

Again, I beg of you, please show Tom all the respect you can. I know you don't believe me, but believe your own eyes. Tom has great power which he ordinarily does not display, but watch the video and see for yourself.

Tom, I am at your service.

Sincerely,

A Refugee from Xenu

Looks like there are a bunch of women (or men perhaps) with midget fetishes in here?

No one's gonna say it?!

Alright then I will...... TCLTC, from his bunker.....hiding from Xenu........ devising plans to bomb pharmaceutical companies..... using Eskimo semen to impregnate his Slave, er .... I mean Katie.

I think I'll make my own bunker and invite Juliet Lewis, she's crazy but hot.

TCLTC!

And one more time, so no one forgets!!

TCLTC

But I thought Tom was one of THEM? Isn't he, like their poster boy or something? Surely they wouldn't want to hurt HIM?! You would think that when "Xenu and Co" arrive they would want us to take them to "our leader" (Tom)?! LOL :o)

I heard that he refers to the project as the "pound me in the ass room." Sure he's been pounded in the ass in every room of every house (also every hotel room) he's ever been in, but this room will be dedicated to intense ass play only. As in don't go in there unless you plan to ram something in Tom's ass.

#14 good one..

Tom's hair looks like roadkill.
God damn it, WTF is up with him nowadays? I just want to grab him by the shoulders and shake him till he comes to his senses and starts making good movies again.

He looks a wee bit Hitlerish

All sceintologists are completely apeshit.

Just look at Tom's face in that pic - he's gone completely APESHIT!!!!!

I say it once I say it again.... FREE KATIE

What a fucking lunatic..... I guess next he'll buy everyone a black jogging suit, a pair of nikes and tell them their going to take a ride on the Hale-Bopp comet.

Hail, Xenu!

isn't klaatu a beatles reference?

#37

To give you an idea of how many people frequent this and never post, "klaatu" just had over 5000 indexes on Google in the last 5 minutes.

Obviously, you people have never spent time absorbing the wisdom of the Star Chamber or seen the rolling, amber colored tides of the Manitou Parsac.

It's easy to mock what you dont understand, but until you've douched with Niacin and dined from the feet of Non of Zegna, you will never be qualified to judge us.

Perhaps you should ride in my aircraft, where i will soar to heights of 30,000 feet, then drop immediately to 7,000 feet, depriving you of oxygen the way i was deprived when i first rode on the Scientolocraft. Only then will you come to understand our point of view. I thank Arg Espectus everyday for bringing me to him and you will too.

By the way, NONE of you are invited to my bunker when they come to terraform this planet to suit their lithium, helium atmospheric needs.

Refugee is correct. That you people are not aware of the intergalactic malice that awaits are race is a pity. For all of us. BUT at least we got W to protect us.

Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet...That's why Katie's in there.

God, he's not even amusing anymore. If he wasn't Tom Cruise, he'd be in a rubber room by now.

That little homo has been fucked in the ass so many times he shits like a supersoaker. Astronomers classified his asshole as an independent galaxy. Explains all the alien shit.

Is Scientology actually considered a religion in America? I mean in terms of taxes and such? Because really, I don't think for-profit member driven organizations created in the 70's should be given all the tax breaks that real religious institutions get

ps. that's a really great haircut if you're 7 and retarded

fuckin scientologist nut job... next thing you know there will be 40 suri's, boy ones and girl ones, and it'll be no wonder red heads are bred out of existence.

It is true, Xenu's coming back just like those two burritos I ate yesterday...I only hope Xenu fits down the toilet!!

yeah, everyone'll be really sorry when xenu shows up... but didnt harry potter defeat him? when tom cruise is murdered by someone in a shitty alien costume, remember, it was xenu. i had NOTHING to do with it....

and i thought britney was a fuckin wackjob!

His hair reminds me of Jim Carrey. Can't remember what from, maybe Dumb and Dumber. Or when he was a kid in Eternal Sunshine.

wtf

Anyone else would have been put in a straightjacket long ago.

I hate this guy. I really think he takes it in the ass

he looks like he has got down syndrome with tat hair cut.

This is the most fucking way to betray people!! Using your "mental dependable" wife and her child. You know how the world can witness your TRICKERY? You "forgot" to put down your sunglasses. The kid wants to see her father LIVE, just his face...DADDY? A little kid of that age doesn't know what that strange black thing on your nose is. The most personal part is when a dad looks a kid straight in the eyes. Now, that isn't possible!!
Without your knowing you are telling the whole world your celebrity-status is more important to you than anything else. DAMN SCIENTOLOGY-ASSHOLE!!

Klaatu, barata, nektu!

I AM XENU!!! And let me tell you, you are ALL FUCKED.

Bunker? HA. I laugh at that shit. I'm going to break down that bunker and fuck Tom in the ass while Katie watches. Katie will bow down before XENU before the night is done, for I, XENU, am the galactic overlord and master of the universe.

Oh, and #17? I got your fucking number. My hench aliens will be coming to see you soon.

ALL HAIL XENU! ALL HAIL XENU!

wow...
he's going to spend $10 million on a bunker to protect him (plus his "i swear i'm not gay, look what i have" family) from an evil alien space lord that only exists in a fantasy novel.

Eh, screw all that! bunker/shmunker...... the burning question is: when he's with Rob Thomas is he the top or bottom??.

@12 you forgot Dort. I guess he needed the bunker because Stan's closet as kind of cramped.

how many times can i say wtf now? Our actual celebrities, not that i like to give tom the credit but whatever, our actual celebrities are going nuts and building underground bunkers while ppl like that grl who got the tit jobs and nose job are walking the red carpet? WTF? WTF? Tom Cruise sucks at life.

not sure what he's waiting for...
...we're already here

hey tommie...
burying yourself in a bunker
just saves us the cleanup job

He's still a putz.

Think hair is wig maybe he go bald? maybe need stop scientolooney....

Tom...you can run but you cannot HIDE. I saw you on Oprah jumping up and down and doing cartwheels and shit all on her furniture in front of millions, like someone that had mexican jumping beans wedged up his ass. But I..Xenu The Almighty have something that will cure THAT. When I find you, I'm going to stick a nice hot laser beam up your scientologic ass. Perhaps it will help you to grow a little and not have to rely on a step-stool the next time you attempt to lick your slave's...oops I mean your wife's salted pussy.

Damn this guy is fucked up.

People, people, people, you have no idea of the danger that you're in! Look at post #17, 22, 39, 40, 56 and 64! This is serious! You are in mortal danger!

And Sundance, don't call me fucked up! I know the history of psychiatry and I can take care of myself, with the help of scientology of course. And everyone stop saying TCLTC! No one knows what that means anyway.

Tom! Thank the True & Blessed Powers that Rule The Galaxy! You're here! I have so much to tell you!

To the bunker then! And when we get there, we'll get a couple of card tables, some bed sheets, blankets, covers and pillows together and we'll build a fort! We'll have a fort within the bunker! A fort within a fort even! How about that!!!

Oh crap . . .

being an actor and joining the Scientology has makes him CRAZY definitely. Poor Suri. if he build a bunk, people would think he's an REAL alien.

Don't care whether this story is true or not.
The guy's a douche.

He may be crazy as a loon, but his house is sure interesting. Check the pics in the linked article Superfish provided.

Haircut is definitely Hitlerish.
Does he think we don't know his hairline is receding???

Ok kids, first of all Tom's hair (which does look wiggish) is for his next movie. Secondly, we'd all be weird if we grew up the way Mr. Cruise did. I mean how does Tom Cruise know what's real? and add ScienCultOlogy to the mix and yeah we'd be odd too. He's still a great actor- mostly.
For you all at The Superficial: Klaatu barada nikto!

Please stop insulting Tommy! He's providing protection for me and the kids with the new bunker and the fort within a fort.

Xenu is real! I saw his picture in a Scientology comic book for adult instruction in Scientology; Tommy and I were reading with a flashlight when we were in a blanket and pillow fort.

I have to go now; I'm making a Xenu statue out of Play-Doh to take to show and tell for my next Scientology meeting!

LOOK AT THAT FUCKING HAIR!!!!!!!!

He's doing the hideous Paul Simon toupee thing, or the Ralph Wiggum

I found the house just by looking at the pics in the linked article and searching Google Earth; only took about 5 minutes. Fish, that was fun; show more celeb houses!

I'd put the latitude and longitude coordinates, altitude and street name(no street address, sorry, Google Earth wouldn't show it) here but I think Fish would delete my post.

I'm a Scientologist and I'll tell you that this crazy story about Xenu is total crap. Some people in the press keep saying that this Xenu story is what Scientologists believe. This is such garbage and it's a story repeated over and over and is intended to keep people from looking into what Scientology actually is. So why would some in the media intentionally try and keep people away from Scientology you ask? Because most media is well paid by the pharmaceutical industry. They see Scientology as a threat to their profits because it is. Scientology has many, many answers that work and are practical. Let's look at 1 example of how the psychiatric drugging industry is hurt by Scientology technology... Let's assume you know someone who has been depressed for several months or even years. Did you know that with Scientology you can literally snap him out of his dark days and make him feel happy again, sometimes in less than five minutes. How could this be? Because Scientology helps and works like nothing else before it. There is no need to be on a psychiatric drug everyday for the rest of your life. This is just one of thousands of solutions Scientology has and it would take literally books to tell you all it has to offer and can do. Give a Scientologist just a few minutes of your time and you'll quickly realize what a sham psychiatry and the psychiatric drugging business is. It's OK to be skeptical about Scientology, but don't assume that what you've been told about it is actually true. Just ask yourself would all these celebrities be involved in it if didn’t help them and others tremendously?

HTTP://WWW.WHATISSCIENTOLOGY.ORG

isn't xenu a lesbian swordswoman? if so I for one welcome our lesbo muscley overladies

#78

"Just ask yourself would all these celebrities be involved in it if didn’t help them and others tremendously?"

Are you implying that celebrities are intelligent?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Illogical fuckwit.

A development of enormous importance took place upon the set of Tom Cruise's latest movie. It seems that a moment of silence was spoiled by one of the crew members:

"Tom Cruise was left furious after a crew member on his latest film set passed wind during a minute's silence."

The name Rage Against Farts links to the article which contains the above line.

Here, though, is a marvelous tribute to Tom Cruise and his new movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dm9rN6oTs

#78,

After getting the side-splitting laughs out of my system, it's apparent that you are actually implying that scientology is good for something and attempting to prove your assertion by adding that since celebs join scientology then it must be good.

That is a logical fallacy.

Just ask yourself would all these celebs be driving drunk, DUI, without panties, getting plastic surgery, making complete fools of themselves in front of cameras etc etc if it didn't help them and others tremendously?

If L. Ron Hubbard was such an honest man then why did he lie about his military service? Why do scientologists continue to lie about his military experience even after his military records indicated he lied?

Thank you to all for a good laugh at work! # 78 you complete nut job, wasn't Elron Hubbard convicted for fraud? How the hell can anyone believe in a religion a sci fi writer "discovered" a few decades ago? All the crap about thetans and engrams, for anyone who hasn't worked it out, is a load of bullshit some guy made up to make money. Tom Cruise believes because he is thick as a brick and they (the scientology mob) pander to his ego. How many other religions would let a whack job like Tom be a spokesperson? Also 78 #, if you can cure everyone with depression and other mental illnesses, why don't you run off to the nearest mental hospital and cure everyone? Or does it cost money to be cured by you? Dickhead, dickhead, DICKHEAD. I have depression and was hospitalised a few months ago after the death of a relative. Strangely enough, once they put me on antidepressants I started to lift and am now back at work and working my way back to normality. But there was no sign of scientologists anywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tom, you are a strange little motherfucker and I wish you would stop acting because you can't. Mayve you should become a professional bunker builder or maybe you could advise people of the coolest decor to have in their own needless bunker. Hairdressing is probably now not a good option.

All of you dummies who hate Tom should all get together and DIE. I LOVE Tom and always will. I hate Katie because SHE is porking him and not ME. I am a better lay than her, and I guarantee that I could drain Tom's balls completely dry in one night. And, I wouldn't make an ugly fang toothed mongoloid baby like she did either. Tom, I am here, naked, with my legs spread. Mount me. Thrust deeply. Squirt like a firehose. I want you.

"Lulabelle"..... You must be an ugly fat whore if you are in love with that slope shouldered midget, Tom Cruise. And, why would he ever be interested in a hunk of cellulite flab like you? He could never have sex with you, because your love hole is so stretched out, he could drive his Hummer in there! I suppose he could pork one of your sweaty rolls of blubber. After Tom pumped his load into the fold, I wonder how long it would sit there, since you never bathe or shower. Why don't you get an old splintered broomstick, write "Tom" on it, and then F yourself to death? Whore.

Hey, SKULL - Why are you picking on Lulabelle, just because she is a fat, horny whore who wants to sample Tom's pimple prick? Hey! Wait a second... I know... Skull, YOU want Tom, don't you!!!!! You would love to make little circles around his puckered anus with your tongue.... you would love to do chinups on his stiff hog..... you would love to suck on his yam bag while Tom whacks off into Katies' coffee mug... But MOST of all, you want to seal your mouth around Tom's A hole. Then you would just wait there, until Tom's bowels expell a Scientology wonder fart! You would joyously inhale that foul gas and swallow it. Perhaps in a day or two, that fart would work its way thru your system, and then YOU could fart it out! Wouldn't that be wonderful?

emptyhandkiller and skull, I HATE retarded halfwits like you. How DARE you insult me and my dreams about Tom? Neither of you hairy chimpanzee looking homos will ever understand sex between a man and a woman, because your idea of ultimate pleasure consists of pumping the turd encrusted fart hole of the diseased queer in front of you at the gay baths. You stuff your own scab covered meat stick into annonymous poop holes for your pleasure. Why don't you all KILL YOURSELVES? And, you say that I am fat? I bet both of you have saggy pot bellies that drag on the ground as you wander about, searching for a fresh turd hole to pump. You are both hateful little trolls who should be executed.

I think we are getting off the subject here. Lulabelle, settle down. I think he is gay anyway so maybe move your lust to some other worthy celebrity. To get us all back on track, everyone should go and watch ten minutes of "The Last Samurai" of "Vanilla Sky" and then you would remember just how crappy an actor he is. Or the Oprah interview. And Lulabelle, what are you doing googling "Tom Cruise sucks" anyway? That's how I got here - so many sites! Tom Cruise DOES suck, I think if you Wikipedia him before Katie 'edits' it you would see that this is an actual fact.

To "bored at work".... I hope your boss discovers you posting your nonsense during company time and throws your A** out the door! Then, when you are starving and homeless, you will start selling your scrawny anus hole to other street bums for a nickel a pork. I hope you get AIDS the very first time. You are NOT going to convince me that Tom is gay. I will ignore all your lies and attempts to discredit him. All I dream about is Tom Cruise on top of me, his massive manhood imbedded in my vagina, and it is ramming in and out at high speed. His muscular legs driving his pelvis hard and fast. His arms clutching me in orgasmic desperation. His foot long tongue jammed down my throat. We orgasm simultaneously, and he tells me he loves me. Shove THAT down your lying throat, bored!

Lulabelle that is both eloquent, romantic and completely tapped. I am sure that when Tom reads this site your revolting description of your, for lack of a better term, 'lovemaking' he will be overcome with lust and straight away do the dirty on Katy for the opportunity to embed something in your vagina. PS even if Tom isn't gay, he is married. PPS Gross, gross, gross. If you are joking, ha ha, but if that is actually a dream of yours, you really have stripped away the romance of it and made it into two dogs fucking.

bored at work - No, I DON'T like your nonsensical version of "love making". I have always preferred animal sex.... wild, savage, crazed. And do you think I care about that ugly whore Katie? Of course not. She can watch Tom and me do it! Maybe she will learn something about pleasing a man, instead of lying there like a piece of driftwood with a knot hole in it. Tom will leave her the instant he is done climaxing inside me. Just because you pork your gay lovers' anus through a hole in a sheet of plywood, doesn't mean everyone else is an awkward, inept lover like YOU. When I masturbate, I always pretend Tom is plunging his love meat deep into me, and when I orgasm, I imagine Tom's jigger sized load is whitewashing my insides. How do you like THAT, creep? I HATE you.

Lulabelle you complete psycho - I am a straight woman and do not fantisise about midget closet-contained control freaks having rape-like sex with me while their wife watches. I'd say that that was a bit weird. Honestly Lulubelle, can you really imagine Tom reading your entries and thinking "that's so hot". It would be more like "OK, here is another person I need to sue and have kept 30m away from me at all times. Scientology is the best heil Hitler!" So keep that in your little deranged ming Lula -smells!

bored at work - How am I supposed to know that you are a female? You frigid little SLUT, you probably have sex exactly like that stupid whore Katie, lying on your back, completely rigid, teeth and fists clenched, eyes shut, just waiting until your smelly drunken idiot lover pumps his goo into you and goes away. Then you call your equally stupid girlfriends and tell them how you "pleased" your man. And, don't tell me what Tom finds attractive. Boring sluts like you are a dime a dozen, while I offer Tom incredible sex anytime he wants it. I get it! You are JEALOUS, aren't you!! You are mad, because you have no idea how to have great sex with a man. You can only fantasize making a man like Tom shudder with ecstasy, while I am going to DO IT! And, you mock Tom's Scientology! You don't know anything about it, while I have read and re-read the book in preparation for being with Tom. I hate you.