Sep 7 2007Kevin Federline’s lawyer has a secret witness
The Britney Spears/Kevin Federline custody battle is already the circus we knew it would be. Kevin’s lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan is trying today to get a secret witness to testify against Britney Spears. The witness apparently worked for Britney after she left rehab. TMZ reports:
Dennis Wasser, who reps Spears, said, “Shame on Mr. Kaplan. How can he let this go on?” We're told Kaplan made a play for the witness last Tuesday, but was shut down by the judge. Gloria Allred, who reps the witness, is about to address the court and explain why the judge should consider his testimony in the custody dispute.
I have some breaking news: I know the identity of the secret witness. It’s Tom Sockington – Kevin Federline’s sock puppet. Ridiculous, I know, but wait until he delivers his damning testimony. Although, it’s not so much a testimony, but a declaration under oath of Tom’s undying love for Cheetos. Because, really, at this point if you were Kevin Federline, wouldn’t you be showing off too? He could drop dead in the middle of the courtroom and still win custody. Why not have some fun?
UPDATE: Kevin Federline invited five strippers into the courtoom. He’s now riding an ostrich and throwing grapes at them. The judge is actually laughing! And, what’s this, the judge is presenting Kevin with a “Father of the Year” award. Incredible!
Reader Comments
1. Deborah - September 7, 2007 2:47 PM
Fist bitches!
2. Riotboy - September 7, 2007 2:47 PM
He's first.^
3. Ruff - September 7, 2007 2:47 PM
XXX
4. Deborah - September 7, 2007 2:50 PM
Caption: "here...smell my finger...huh...yea it does...smells just like Brit...hun?"
5. amaia - September 7, 2007 2:50 PM
#4 lol xD
6. amaia - September 7, 2007 2:51 PM
this guy is sooooooooo ugly
7. Barry LeFarge - September 7, 2007 2:53 PM
Secret witness? I bet its her crack dealer.
8. hannah - September 7, 2007 3:00 PM
Now!! I bet.. Kevin would want a
cheap dirt bikes than a second marriage with Britney... LOLZ!
9. cocaKelli - September 7, 2007 3:05 PM
LOL I WUZ AT TEH HOWZ
TRYN TO PUTZ TEH BOOGER ON YEU.
Dick.
10. hollyj - September 7, 2007 3:06 PM
Do they really NEED a secret witness???
11. Clem - September 7, 2007 3:09 PM
And that witness is Ronald McDonald.
12. Texas Tranny - September 7, 2007 3:10 PM
Here pull my finger.
13. cookievanderbilt - September 7, 2007 3:16 PM
Brit Brit's life is like a 4 day-old bag of Doritos . . . crunchy, stale and oddly-scented.
14. Violet Sin - September 7, 2007 3:22 PM
Should that say "has a secret witness" or is this now LOLficial?
15. Violet Sin - September 7, 2007 3:23 PM
Oh sure, fix it right as I go all grammar nazi on you. I see how you are.
16. Fifth Stooge - September 7, 2007 3:23 PM
I'm happy to report it's not me or none of the four Stooges.
17. FRIST!!! - September 7, 2007 3:30 PM
Who is messing with the colors on this site? WTC is going on here?
Where's my lunch? Somebody stole my lunch!!!!
18. Jimbo - September 7, 2007 3:31 PM
FRIST are you going to get me a slice of pizza today????
19. jrzmommy - September 7, 2007 3:35 PM
You just know that about 100 times a day, KFed is saying "Yeah, I've got a secret witness - IN MY PANTS! HAHAHA!"
And he's the...winner?
20. wedgeone - September 7, 2007 3:37 PM
#7 - You mean the photographer from Allure who took the pictures of her butt crack?
Gotta agree with #10 - no secret witness needed.
I just want to know who in their insane mind would think of let Britney open the MTV VMA's? Guaranteed to get the entire show censored.
21. FRIST!!! - September 7, 2007 3:43 PM
Sure Jimbo, but they only have pepperoni, canadian bacon (don't say it), and cheese. What do you want?
22. Avril - September 7, 2007 3:45 PM
Looks like TheSuperficial just got its period. I'm not surprised, it's been kinda irritable and crampy the last couple of days.
23. Jaffo - September 7, 2007 3:47 PM
I bet the secret witness is a ham sanwich that barely got away. Oh the stories it could tell!!!
24. FRIST!!! - September 7, 2007 3:49 PM
#22 I know, and totally bloated.
No, seriously dude, change the color it's burning my brains
25. Greta - September 7, 2007 3:51 PM
chester cheetah will come skulking into the court room in tears, trying to avoid britney's gaze. they'll ask him where on the doll she touched him...
26. LadyJane - September 7, 2007 3:52 PM
He makes my clit shrivel up and cry...
27. Texas Tranny - September 7, 2007 3:55 PM
FRIST
I agree, it hurts my fucking eyes.
28. Jimbo - September 7, 2007 3:55 PM
FRIST - I think I will go with the Canadian Bacon. I think I could get my mouth around a nice round piece of Canadain Bacon.
Sorry I could not help myself.
Is this page like the top of Avril head? I feel like I am a tampon just waiting for someone to pull my string!
29. Quick Cash Surveys - September 7, 2007 3:57 PM
Is it a trouser pixie?
30. Jimbo - September 7, 2007 3:59 PM
Ohhhh Does LadyJane's clit need a hug?
31. Texas Tranny - September 7, 2007 4:01 PM
Yeah Jimbo...........
aaaaawwwwwwwwww
Poor little clitty, clitty.
32. Mardi - September 7, 2007 4:05 PM
I like the colors!
33. Alotta Fagina - September 7, 2007 4:16 PM
I just peed on a stick and saw 2 lines. Just because he pointed at me. Girls, look away, now!
34. veggi - September 7, 2007 4:17 PM
He's so hot, it's like looking into the sun! Literally! *swoon*
35. Annie Rexia - September 7, 2007 4:18 PM
WTF. Did Perez Hilton buy this site? Why is it so queened up?
36. p0nk - September 7, 2007 4:22 PM
@35 - because your dad's running it.
37. Jaffo - September 7, 2007 4:27 PM
BA-ZING!!!!
38. No I'm not like that - September 7, 2007 4:49 PM
The ads don't display correctly in a column either. Do you guys get that? It did that a lot right after the redesign.
39. hollywood_hillbilly - September 7, 2007 4:51 PM
Oooh! Is that his new ride in the background? Guess he had to get rid of the Federrari. In the cash game indeed!
40. Fodd - September 7, 2007 4:56 PM
Why would you need a secret witness? There are probably dozens of out in the open witnesses that will get the job done. Like shootin' fish in a barrel.
41. sksksksk - September 7, 2007 5:07 PM
First witness..... Lindsay Lohan.
42. Frick! - September 7, 2007 5:14 PM
Ok, he looks mentally challenged in that picture. Anyways, he's such a sleeze, and yet Britney is actually making him look like the (semi) "good guy" thru all of this. Amazing. All she had to do was keep her vag in her undies and take care of her kids responsibly, but she just couldn't do it, could she?
43. Tina's Twat - September 7, 2007 5:16 PM
God. He is so sexy. Just looking at him soaks my panties. Yum.
44. Darth Hater - September 7, 2007 5:18 PM
I wonder if Ms. Allred is aware of the term "discovery", what with her being a big-shot lawyer and all.
K-Fuck could could smoke crack in the courtroom and his secret witness could be O.J., and he should still win.
45. Annie Rexia - September 7, 2007 5:23 PM
@36. True. Dear old Dad died. Fucking fairy couldn't handle the AIDS diet. Mom couldn't wait to get rid of him too. He kept stretching out her underwear. Is that what you do to your wifey, you little faggot?
46. hollywood_hillbilly - September 7, 2007 5:59 PM
Caption should read: "K-Fed wants YOU to be his next baby momma!"
47. jrzmommy - September 7, 2007 6:24 PM
could someone respond to my comments. i'm lonely.
48. Victoria - September 7, 2007 7:04 PM
I think it is cute. I don't see what the big deal is.
49. who cares? - September 7, 2007 8:17 PM
Does anybody actually care about this guy? Or his kids?
50. Captain Pyro - September 7, 2007 8:41 PM
Oh, shit, it's Gloria Allred...
51. BRANDISH - September 7, 2007 9:15 PM
THIS BUM IS LYING, AND BUFFING! HE IS THE LOWEST OF THE FUCKING LOWEST! HE NEED TO BE KISSING BRITNEY'S MOTHERFUCKING FEET, AND PRAY TO GOD THAT HE EVERRRRRRRRRRRRR MET HER!
HE IS STUPID, AND A DIRTBAG JIGGAHO! WORD IS THAT HE IS RUNNING OUT OF MONEY! FAST! HE KEEP BUYING HOUSES, AND CARS, AND TRICKING HIS MONEY OFF TO SHAR, BROKE DOWN ASS!
THAT IS WHY, HE IS TRYING TO GET CUSTODY OF HIS BOYS..NOT HARDLY FATHER OF THE YEAR! THOSE KIDS ARE GOLDMINES TO HIM! HE COULD CARE LESS..I BET YOU, IF THEY WERE BY ANYONE ELSE, HE WOULD LEAVE HER, JUST LIKE HE DID SHAR! BELIEVE ME, IT WASN'T JUST THE PUSSY ALONE..IT WAS THE MONEY! HE IS SO APPARENT! I AM SHOCKED THAT HE HAD SOME OF YOU [POSTERS FOOLED THAT LONG! LOL
52. cocaKelli - September 7, 2007 11:14 PM
As a true fan of the site for many months, I am seriously smelling a Provocateur Troll assigned to certain posts. Not the regular trolls who interfere with the Jimbo-Frist love affair, Tranny's button-pusher, or the long-lost Weasel-Wally-Stallion beef.
No, a prescient "celebrity" or their representatives.
Plants, rubes, red herrings, patsies, agents, hired guns. It's going to turn into a fucking game of Clue over here. The goal is to sway the verdict of public opinion.
Speaking of ratfaced opportunist Gloria Allred... 51... the entire Angelina-baby-bag post... Suri Cruise comments... "aw, cute"...
53. I'vegottabeme - September 8, 2007 12:00 AM
I can't believe that he had all you posters fooled for that long either - LOL! We're practically a K-Fed fanclub around here!
We LUV K-Fed!
54. Barryoffshore - September 8, 2007 6:59 AM
WOW - It's really scary to think K-Fed could be the BETTER of the two...!!!
55. onecritic - September 8, 2007 11:54 AM
Why are you people saying he's ugly? He's totally HOT!!!
56. Matthew - September 8, 2007 12:37 PM
the secert witness is.. A bag of Cheetoes LOL POPOZAO
57. lovelylacey - September 8, 2007 12:45 PM
K-Fed is attractive only in that white trash scuzzbucket sort of way. The kind of guy that will turn your life into a Jerry Springer free for all. No spank you.
58. Buns and Chou Chou - September 8, 2007 8:13 PM
the name's chou chou bitches http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8LNr1qJJtA
59. jrzmommy - September 8, 2007 9:55 PM
God damn! I said God damn! I sooooooo want to suck him!!!! suck suck suck slurp slurp glug YUM!
60. FromOutOfNoWhere - September 8, 2007 10:43 PM
K-Fed aka Desperate Gold Digger
61. Discuss Beauty - September 9, 2007 4:12 AM
He's got issues, mental and or otherwise.
(Come vote and chat at http://discuss-beauty.blogspot.com)
62. Nick - September 9, 2007 1:03 PM
That edit is the funniest thing I've ever read.
63. Dick Cheney - September 9, 2007 4:06 PM
What a hot piece of ass!
64. jane - September 10, 2007 4:43 AM
THIS IS NO SCAM... :) ....
BUX.TO IS REALLY GOOD!! I also had my doubts at the beginning about if it really paid
or not, but it's good! It does pay via internet!! The only thing you need to do is have
a paypal account!! You can get it here: www.paypal.com, once you do that, you go here:
http://bux.to/?r=yutiprix
and click on "Join now and receive a $0.05 Signup Bonus" !!
It's really easy!
Hope you enjoy it!
Cheers!!
65. Exyank - September 11, 2007 7:27 AM
And now, after Britney's craptacular performance at the VMA, she's been photographed YET AGAIN getting out of a car in a short skirt and no underpants. Won't that photo look lovely on the judge's desk?
Honestly, after the ostrich and the stippers, Kevin might want to do conga line in drag (hey, he was a dancer, right?). Britney's just basically handing the kids to him... Do you think she maybe doesn't actually want the kids and is trying to lose them?
66. mia judaken - September 11, 2007 11:34 AM
juicy