Sep 25 2007Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon getting cozy
Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon’s recent behavior is fueling rumors of their alleged romance. The two were spotted getting cozy by the fireplace at a party at Carrie Fisher’s house. Carrie was toasting singer Rufus Wainwright who performed at the Hollywood Bowl over the weekend. E! Online reports:
“Jake and Reese were sitting by the fire all night, talking,” a fellow party guest tells me. “Everyone was talking, laughing and celebrating Rufus, but they were deep, deep in conversation. It was like there was no one else in the world.”
So, this is some really boring news. I’m almost in a coma, it’s that dull. Time to switch things up a bit: How about that Halo 3? I stayed up late playing it last night, and, according to the police officer who drove me home this morning, I may have been a tad bit intoxicated. He told me not to worry. The monkey will pull through and those nuns needed to be taken down a peg or two. That’s all well and good, but here’s my dilemma: It looks like I vomited directly into the Xbox. I pretty much opened up the CD tray and unleashed the fury. Is that covered by the warranty?
NOTE: If you wanted me to keep talking about Jake and Reese, you must be suffering from insomnia. Try taking some Tylenol PM – with whiskey. Just like mom used to make.
Reader Comments
1. hill - September 25, 2007 10:46 AM
FRIST? Anywho, who gives a crap. I'm just happy that my boyfriend will no longer be crushing on Reese seeing as how she's with a brokeback mountain boy. Hoooo ray
2. FRIST!!! - September 25, 2007 10:47 AM
I have insomnia...no whiskey though
3. freakwad - September 25, 2007 10:47 AM
what's a frist?
4. jakebarnes - September 25, 2007 10:47 AM
Wasn't he gay, like, a few weeks ago?
5. veggi - September 25, 2007 10:47 AM
no. That was Ted from LA and I
6. Oops, I crapped my pants! - September 25, 2007 10:51 AM
My mom made a mean whiskey and Tylenol. I remember her saying to me "Oops, I crapped my pants, have a glass of shut the fuck up!" God damn that was one effective drink.
7. Oh Please - September 25, 2007 10:51 AM
I don't read the first 5 comments of any entry because they're all stupid FRISTS. Anyhow, I do like Reese and don't care much of who she wants to date.
8. FRIST!!! - September 25, 2007 10:51 AM
What's a FRIST!!!???
You must be new here.....
9. Jimbo - September 25, 2007 10:52 AM
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Is there a new post? Wake me when there is
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
10. Bartface - September 25, 2007 10:54 AM
is that really reece withersaway? my grandma has perkier breasts than those and they've been through hell! and that flabby stomach? again, my gran has a more tanned stomach and she hasn't seen sun since 1967....
wait a second! gran?
11. hegadeth - September 25, 2007 10:58 AM
More annoying giant sunglasses. Christ they're everywhere. Grrrrr.
12. oscar - September 25, 2007 11:00 AM
holy christ. way to start the day with a non-story. should be on the whogivesashit blog.
13. Jimbo - September 25, 2007 11:01 AM
@10 Bartface - that is pretty scary that you notice how perky your grandmas tits are. How about her ass? Does she have a nice firm ass too?
14. El Sueno - September 25, 2007 11:03 AM
She runs like a girl.
15. @14 Jimbo - September 25, 2007 11:14 AM
Thats how we roll down here in the south! Nascar not on this weekend?
"Grandma?!!"
16. havoc - September 25, 2007 11:16 AM
Yeah, just wait until she catches him in a tent with another cowboy.....again.
Fur will fly bitch!
.
17. ryan starr - September 25, 2007 11:19 AM
jake,
we are finished! don't ever call me again, you dog!
drop dead, jake!
ryan starr
18. Zing! - September 25, 2007 11:20 AM
Reese has a penis? Who know.
19. lambman - September 25, 2007 11:25 AM
so now we're in the fabricate a romance to promote our new movie stage or the relationship. I'm sure their first official outing as a couple will be the films premier and then they will break-up the week the DVD is release.
Just like Jennifer Maniston and Vince Vomit
20. supes - September 25, 2007 11:28 AM
18: I knew. Look at that jaw and chin. She's a frucking man. And she's hideous.
21. Cal - September 25, 2007 11:28 AM
You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game.
22. Sofia - September 25, 2007 11:29 AM
So... this site sucks now. And sadly, I keep coming back for more. Why, do you ask? Well, it's because I'd rather be on some shi*y site then actually be doing office work.... On another note, Jake is cute, too bad he's gay.
So where's that whiskey...
23. Jimbo - September 25, 2007 11:30 AM
@15 Get a life you fucking troll
24. wedgeone - September 25, 2007 11:32 AM
Thin lips? Check. Flabby stomach? Check.
Yep, it's mom. Not a MILF, just mom. No wonder she has to turn to a closeted dude desperate for a beard.
25. PrettyBaby - September 25, 2007 11:34 AM
Yeah, this shit is boring. If I were Screeching Reese I woulda probably shied away from the Fag and cozied up with Joaquin Phoenix instead.... wtf?! Real lapse in judgement there. I betcha Joaquin could fuck the screech outta her.
26. combustion8 - September 25, 2007 11:36 AM
sure jake will cozy up, until the kids show up.. then it's see ya later mom.
27. Cindy - September 25, 2007 11:39 AM
Run all you want, mom. You'll never catch up to the perky boobs and flat stomach you used to have. Stick a fork in her - this chick is done.
28. Oops, I crapped my pants! - September 25, 2007 11:44 AM
OK I found the deep deep conversation they were having.
Captain Hero: Don't make me kick your ass!
Wooldoor Sockbat: Don't make me suck your dick!
Captain Hero: Don't make me cuddle you like a baby!
Wooldoor Sockbat: Don't make me suck your dick!
Just replace Reece with Captain Hero, and Jake with Wooldoor Sockbat. It works perfectly.
29. LadyJane - September 25, 2007 11:48 AM
I hear Reese's vagina has thousands of tiny little teeth in it.
30. Ted from LA - September 25, 2007 11:52 AM
#5 Veggi,
Are you trying to infer or imply that I am gay? Grammar police, is he/she implying or inferring that? Because I am not, but I do feel gays should be allowed to get married and be as miserable as the rest of us.
31. WooHoo - September 25, 2007 11:53 AM
@17: ryan you're a hottie!!! : )
32. alex cutter - September 25, 2007 11:56 AM
Two months ago called...
33. veggi - September 25, 2007 11:58 AM
Ted from LA! No. I know you like the ladies. Are you calling me a he/she? Cause I believe that hermaphodites should be allowed to get married and be as miserable as the rest of us.
34. Riotboy - September 25, 2007 12:00 PM
OVERRATED!
/did not deserve an Oscar
//Kate Winslet is the best actress of our generation
///Heavenly Creatures is my favorite KW movie
35. freakwad - September 25, 2007 12:14 PM
@8: yes, i'm new here. :]
must be an inside joke. like, "an hero."
36. Katie - September 25, 2007 12:16 PM
Just because Reese WItherspoon is a decent human being doesn't make her boring, for christ sakes. All anyone wants to hear about is Linsay's fire-crotch and Britney's coke sniffing habits.
37. lapluie - September 25, 2007 12:25 PM
#35 Frist is "first" as a typo.
38. gerard Vandenberg - September 25, 2007 12:39 PM
People don't say I didn't warn you. And the reason we see onthis picture. I really wonder sometimes what kind of action a girl must do to be part of the CREW? I think she fucked about fourty producers and playing Lesbian friends with another "WEIRD" girl. That other WEIRDO is christina aguilera. These and other girls too are a BIG MOTHERFUCKING SHAME to the honest Americans!!
39. jrzmommy - September 25, 2007 1:12 PM
So why post pictures of Chin Girl........how bout a little suh'um suh'um for the ladies.....Can't a sistah get a little Jake, Mr. Fish? DAMN!
40. emily a - September 25, 2007 1:47 PM
i thought jake was a fudgepacker?
41. FRIST!!! - September 25, 2007 2:57 PM
I'm FRIST!!!
I'm going to Jimbo's site now. Bye!!!
42. Ted from LA - September 25, 2007 3:13 PM
Where is the metal detector?
43. Italian Stallion - September 25, 2007 4:06 PM
Why she keep dating these fucking tossers?
44. DIEGO - September 26, 2007 4:25 AM
She needs a longer shirt.
....Or a bit less fat.
I'm flexible, see.
45. Poodoo - September 26, 2007 5:47 AM
I do have insomnea... and I do wish I had whiskey... and I oddly enough DO want to hear more lol.
46. @-@ - September 26, 2007 6:26 AM
The best thing about this story is the mention of Rufus Wainwright. He is worth hearing about.
47. tommy salami - September 26, 2007 10:24 AM
who cares she is a total bitch to work for.....( i know) she must be total cunt in a relationship
48. Paris - September 26, 2007 8:57 PM
#29,
Those are warts. I should know, she acquired them from me.
49. bella420 - September 27, 2007 3:37 AM
@1- Show your boyfriend picture #2 and if he is still "crushing" on this hag you both need to go kill yourselves. Immediately.
@11- Giant sunglasses are everwhere because they look good on even the ugliest people. Unlike the 2003 era "Oakleys" that are probably sitting atop your empty head. You have no style, and do not matter.
@17- Really? I thought only attention-starved 16 year old girls posted links to their myspace page.
@19- Guess what? The superficial does not want your resume and never will. So you can stop trying so hard, please...its making my head hurt. That's because I'm allergic to stupid.
@27- Congratulations on having the only comment that was worth the typing you did.
@38- I want to hammer punch you. Super Mario brothers style.
Sorry, but I read almost every comment on this thread, desperate for something funny and the monotonous, trite stupidity I found only filled me with hatred. Don't worry I feel better now.
50. Jackson Wallace - September 30, 2007 5:22 AM
Jake, I respected you.
You seemed discreet, the kind of guy who would follow George Çlooney's lead and screw a gaggle of nobodies across many continents. Why go for a starlet?
And one with kids no less? Jake G could sit around waiting for girls to turn 18,
and bang a new one each week for a week. Of course, the holder of the all-time fame-waster award is Ashton Kutcher. That guy had coeds wearing t-shirts saying they had facked him when they hadnt. Did he take advantage of this incredible opportunity? No, he bangs Demi Mommy Moore, and stays with her. ICCCk.
Jake, snap out of it. Reese is younger than Demi, but a no-lipped midget.
Yeah, I'm sure this is just a temporary rumor, really.
51. yeah - October 24, 2007 11:21 PM
Big deal! I saw her profile on WealthyRomance.com where Charlie Sheen found his girl last May. I heard that she was dating a young billionaire on that site last month!
52. Cathy Sunderland - June 19, 2009 7:38 PM
Jake! Please don't do this. I'm afraid this will end like Heath when she leaves you!
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