Jul 5 2007Britney Spears doesn't make any sense

Remember back in February when Britney Spears shaved her head, went crazy, and then attacked a car with her umbrella? Well she wrote a letter to X17 (the paparazzi agency that photographed her) and it makes absolutely no sense at all. She writes:
Dear x17
I want to apologize for the past incedent with the umbrella. I was preparing a character for a possible movie role where the husband doesn't play his part so they swap places. Unfortunatly I didn't get the part. I'm sorry I got alil carried away with my role!
Britney
What the hell is this? If it's a joke I don't get it. And if it's serious, well, then I weep for her DNA. She was probably sitting at her little kiddie desk, furiously writing this thing with her tongue sticking out and thinking to herself, "This is gonna be the funniest joke ever!" Then when she proudly shows it to everybody, instead of laughing they just exchange concerned looks with each other. I know she's trying to explain her bizarre behavior, but the only thing this letter makes clear is that Britney Spears would fail a third grade spelling exam.

Reader Comments
1. Sportsdvl - July 5, 2007 10:08 AM
Stupid is as stupid does! Why would anyone believe Britney's letter? LOL, stupid skank.
2. redhot - July 5, 2007 10:11 AM
so cheap!
3. kara - July 5, 2007 10:13 AM
Second!
ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!
4. Mick - July 5, 2007 10:13 AM
Does she really think people are more stupid than she is?? No one is going to believe that bullshit lie. I really can't believe she won't take responsibility for her actions. What an immature fat loser.
5. Stickman - July 5, 2007 10:14 AM
"alil"
Dumbass.
6. whatthehell - July 5, 2007 10:15 AM
..wow..
7. Monica - July 5, 2007 10:15 AM
hahaha, this made my day
8. lee lee - July 5, 2007 10:16 AM
I Am Officially Totally Pissed Off With All Her Shit Now
9. dode - July 5, 2007 10:17 AM
she's morphed into something possibly classified below sub-human standard.
shouldn't she have had her kids taken away by social security already?
10. kristin - July 5, 2007 10:17 AM
Dear x17,
Sorry about the incident with the umbrella. I was preparing for a role I was going to play right before I got checked into a mental hospital for being fucked in the head. The ratty extensions and cheap 80's hooker look is just part of the wardrobe. Guess I didn't get the role. Oops! :] QUOTE OF THE DAY: you can be anything you want to be as long as you are beautiful and not fat. Love, Britney.
11. Boba Fett - July 5, 2007 10:20 AM
Wow.
Guess she really fried her brain with all the coke she was doing while hanging out with Paris.
12. Judy Greer - July 5, 2007 10:21 AM
HANG IN THERE BRITNEY!
You can outlast this stuid website!~
13. Jimmy - July 5, 2007 10:23 AM
If you listen very carefully as you are reading Britney's letter to x17 you can hear the nuts rolling around in her head.
14. nevermore - July 5, 2007 10:23 AM
What? Don't you believe her? We all know how pure and honest and dedicated to her work she is!
15. Stickman - July 5, 2007 10:27 AM
"You can outlast this stuid website"
Dumbass.
16. pointandlaugh - July 5, 2007 10:27 AM
I never expect Britney to make sense. So this is not news.
17. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 10:27 AM
Meh, she can still spell better than Lindsey lohan.
Be Adequite
18. female canuck - July 5, 2007 10:30 AM
Finally. I've been waiting forever to find out how one spells "alil".
Thanks, Britney.
19. Bern - July 5, 2007 10:30 AM
You are the one who is stuid!
Haha.
MY BOOBS ARE BACK FROM HOLIDAY:
http://thelifeandtimesofbernard.blogspot.com/2007/07/hey.html
20. gay4girls - July 5, 2007 10:30 AM
I know this is a shocking revelation: have a seat please, everyone . . . this is so difficult . . . I'm not sure that Britney Spears is completely . . . how do I put this? . . . Let's just say that she's not not completely batshit insane . . . *audience gasps in shock/confusion*
21. Judy Greer - July 5, 2007 10:33 AM
"You can outlast this stuid website"
Yeah... stuid is a new word for FLOWING STUPIDITY like yours!
I see you sign your posts with your nik-name, DUMBASS.
22. gay4girls - July 5, 2007 10:33 AM
Seriously, she's ahead of fucking Michael Jackson when he was her age. I wonder what she'll get caught trying to fuck when she's 40?
23. Dirty Sanchez - July 5, 2007 10:36 AM
"a possible movie role where the husband doesn't play his part so they swap places."
Wow, I can't wait until this movie hits the big screen. I wonder if it will be like Freaky Friday, only they can call it Freaky Sanchez because I'm sure it's a porn flick. So sad that Brit is being turned down for porn flicks now.
24. Texas Tranny - July 5, 2007 10:37 AM
Come on.....no panty shot? nip-slip?
It's not fucking news that Shitney doesn't make sense.....It's just fact.
Lets have some masturbation material, please.
25. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 10:38 AM
I wonder though, if she suddenly gets hot again people are going to be all "Oh, I loved her all along". Face it, if Jessica Alba wrote this letter no one would rip the piss out of her like they do with Britney.
26. Jimmy - July 5, 2007 10:40 AM
@22 She is getting close. There are those photographs of her driving with her baby on her lap. that is getting close to hanging a baby over the balcony
27. Jimbo - July 5, 2007 10:47 AM
My head is starting to feal better, thanks to these magic pills LeeRoy gave me.
Anyway, Britney doesn't have any lips at all. Why does she put lipstick on? LeeRoy looked more like a girl than her.
28. George clooney - July 5, 2007 10:48 AM
What the fuck!! This girl is real patetic i hate Him!! Fucking american drunk cocaine eater fuck off!!
29. George clooney - July 5, 2007 10:48 AM
What the fuck!! This girl is real patetic i hate Him!! Fucking american drunk cocaine eater fuck off!!
30. Jimbo - July 5, 2007 10:52 AM
correction of 27-feel, I still can't see straight.
Just for future reference, footlongs hotdogs are much better than the short ones.
31. Jimbo - July 5, 2007 10:55 AM
Is that George Clooney? Honey, I love you. Remember the night we had in Italy at your house on the water? You really need to tell people that your gay. Everyone who is gay already knows it anyway. Love you, George.
32. schack - July 5, 2007 10:55 AM
Hey Jimbo why didn't you call me yesterday? Are we still meeting for dinner this weekend?
33. gay4girls - July 5, 2007 10:55 AM
I like this logic: Prepare for role as surrogate male provider=attempted umbrella fuck of photographer. Let's hope she doesn't try out for a role of a disaffected anthropologist trying to reconnect with her estranged grandmother--she'll probably machine gun an orphanage.
34. Jimbo - July 5, 2007 11:01 AM
Lucy in the skys, I see you finally spelled diamonds right. It's about time. Shut up with kissing Britney's ass, your hurting my head again. Only trash talk please, that's all I understand.
35. miss oblivious - July 5, 2007 11:06 AM
What do you expect from trailer trash that couldn't even get her high school diploma? All she could ever do was dance around and show off her body. Now she's got nothing to show for. Unfortunately, she's still laughing all the way to the bank, while our dumb asses sit at work; another day, another dollar...then again, I don't think she's any happier than the rest of us. Probably even less so...
36. Jimbo - July 5, 2007 11:07 AM
32-you'll have to call LeeRoy to see if I have any plans. He's now keeping track of plans. Sorry, I'm still sleepy right now.
37. KILEY - July 5, 2007 11:11 AM
Wow.... just wow.
Before today I was really kinda rooting for her and thinking that she was just going through a tough time. You know, we're all human and all make mistakes.
Now I just think she's screwed in the head and needs to check into a mental facility.
If she actually believes people will buy that excuse Im not sure if she is fit to have custody of children.
Not that it's any of my business.
Anyhow...
38. brit=always entertaining - July 5, 2007 11:13 AM
I'm sure this is her idea of a joke. Remember the album "naming contest" on her website, and the fake Valley Girl parody she did to mock all the bad headlines written about her?
39. Stickman - July 5, 2007 11:13 AM
Good, solid comeback Judy. Nonsensical, but solid. Keep up the fine spelling.
40. Texas Tranny - July 5, 2007 11:13 AM
@32....you have mail. :-)
41. schack - July 5, 2007 11:14 AM
Well send me an e-mail so I can get a hold of you and leeroy
42. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 11:14 AM
You guys are right. She is the most stupid person in the whole world. She is ugly, and won't even buy good hair extensions, and where is her children? Aren't mothers suppose to take their children with them when they go riding in cars? I guess she's just too dangerous.
43. jrzmommy - July 5, 2007 11:14 AM
someone needs to take her aside and level with her...or just level her, actually, that would be better...like with a great big shovel...just WHAMMO against the back of the head....lights out!
44. Jimbo - July 5, 2007 11:18 AM
LeeRoy is viberating on my cell phone right now, I'll hava to call you in a few.
45. Blowhard - July 5, 2007 11:19 AM
Kristin, funny post.
Only thing is, Britney's not actually beautiful. She's kind of funny looking even when she's sane. All she had going for her was EXTREME CAMEL TOE and POINTY NIPS. And before that a schoolgirl outfit.
Now all she has is a bald head and a bald crotch that NOBODY WANTS, poor thing.
46. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 11:20 AM
38, You are not sure of anything, unless you are her. Maybe you are, that's why you are kissing her ass.
47. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 11:22 AM
So, Frist tell me, is the cock's in the Middle East as big and steamy as the West? Tell me, are they circumcized? Just can't stop thinking about them.
48. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 11:24 AM
HELLO, I need a cock report here. anyone?
49. Texas Tranny - July 5, 2007 11:26 AM
Cock report?
.....Looking in my pretty white panties.......
Yep, I have one :-)
50. citizenstrange - July 5, 2007 11:29 AM
Here is a sneak peek of the choreography for Britney’s upcoming “Get Your Crazy On” tour.
http://static.flickr.com/51/118310426_8b096b55e1_o.jpg
51. Faith - July 5, 2007 11:30 AM
ha hHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I JUST PISSED MYSELF LAUGHING!!!
52. noone you know - July 5, 2007 11:32 AM
I STILL love this coked-up, trashy, washed-up, actress/singer/role model!!!
I want to eat her poop!!!
53. JamJam - July 5, 2007 11:33 AM
Obviously this is a joke about KFed. she isn't really expecting everyone to think she was preparing for a movie role...
54. Judy Greer - July 5, 2007 11:35 AM
Dear STICKMAN...
If you did not get your name from a stick up your ass I would be happy to help you aquire one.
Love,
Judy
55. Hecubus - July 5, 2007 11:42 AM
So what's going on now ? Is she preparing for a starring role in the Chris Farley story or something ?
As much as I laugh at her though this same tactic did get me out of serving jailtime for raping and killing a 6 year old girl. 'Hey I was just preparing for a role as a child killer' hook, line and sinker.
56. pocahontas - July 5, 2007 11:52 AM
I'm looking for that English dick, John Smith. Anyone sees him, his ass is mine.
Britney is losing her mind. I hear that happens after you have a couple kids, even if you don't take care of them. Remember that one chick from Texas, Andrea Yates?
She drowned all 5 of her children, one by one, while the others were in the other room, and then layed them side by side in her bed.
57. Chris - July 5, 2007 11:54 AM
She's obviously not smarter than a fifth grader.
58. Lux - July 5, 2007 11:55 AM
Sarcasim only works if you're clever. That valley girl rant was retarded too. She is so dumb it's mind boggling.
59. noone you know - July 5, 2007 11:58 AM
No, I wouldn't eat her poop, just kidding. She is worse than any barfly that I ever fucked, even the ugly ones.
60. Lex - July 5, 2007 12:02 PM
Her mind has fallen apart from the real world. She's like paris in a way. They really don't think they are living in our world, but that we are living in there's. One day, she will hurt someone for sure. If it's not the kids, then I'll be laughing my ass off. Just waiting until she pops her lid.
61. sir scottie - July 5, 2007 12:03 PM
Hey Pat....fattie tendon on Friday?
Spears 4 ever.
62. lambman - July 5, 2007 12:04 PM
I can't even comment except to say 'I don't get it'
63. justifiable - July 5, 2007 12:07 PM
Britney is crazy, but I'll bet k-fed taught her some crazy stuff. I'd fuck her in the ass with a dildo, but I really wouldn't want her germs, she's such a whore.
64. pocahontas - July 5, 2007 12:13 PM
That's right John Smith, hide. Just remember, I have so many brothers that will slaughter you ass when we find you.
65. krazihottkelli☻↓↓☺☻♣ - July 5, 2007 12:23 PM
OMG=not thiz zkank again☺♣♫♫↓♫
Where R her Kidz????????????
I guezz itz lucky for them♫☻☻☺
zhe doezn't hang out with them♥♠♣
zame ugly hair☻☻☻☻♫♪♪
I can zee her pimplez☻☻☻
and it lookz like zhez trying☺
to zhow off her new teeth↓♫♫☻♣♦♦
Yea, they look like new teeth♣♣♦☺
zhez ztill ugly az hell☻↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓☻
66. wiinja - July 5, 2007 12:33 PM
man, that crazy whore had me fooled! i totally thought she was just a crazy whore, but it turns out she's a crazy whore in denial... whaddaya know
67. BaldAsBritney - July 5, 2007 12:43 PM
I'm suprised she didn't just blame the whole thing on her mother.
Cause you know, she's the reason Britney's fucking insane and all.
68. Gaspi - July 5, 2007 12:46 PM
actually this was humour,pretty ironic and pretty good too ! I guess all the people here don't get it but she was refering to K-fed ans how he suprisingly changed his position while she had trouble .
Or she is stupid ... I don't know her so i would not say anything ...
69. michelle - July 5, 2007 1:08 PM
Yea, she is definitely referring to K-Fed, though, she does a shitty job trying to be clever.
But, she is STILL stupid!
70. Kris - July 5, 2007 1:26 PM
LOL. She's too good.
71. Miserable Bastard - July 5, 2007 1:26 PM
Her follow-up letter...
Dear X-Men,
The day after I sent you my last letter a van pulled up outside my house and some men in white coats got out. They said they were from my record label but when I opened the door they grabbed me, put me in a funny jacket and threw me in the van. I didn't like the jacket. I couldn't move my arms to chew my nails or scratch my itchy place and it didn't look good with my cowgirl boots. But they took me to a nice place where I made some new friends. I met this guy named Napoleon who used to own France. And guess what? Jesus lives here too, and his room is right next to mine! I like my room. All the walls are soft and they slide a bowl of Jell-O through the door every day. But those sticky things with the wires that they put on my head make my hair extensions sizzle. My publicist says it's all worth it though, for when I make my comeback.
Britney
72. kristin - July 5, 2007 1:42 PM
thanks, Blowhard. Also, to be honest, at least Britney isn't trying to be pretty or intelligent or classy anymore like she used to. She was quite transparent then. It's obvious she was trailer trash in the first place. You can't hide your true self forever.
"OMG=not thiz zkank again☺♣♫♫↓♫
Where R her Kidz????????????
I guezz itz lucky for them♫☻☻☺
zhe doezn't hang out with them♥♠♣
zame ugly hair☻☻☻☻♫♪♪
I can zee her pimplez☻☻☻
and it lookz like zhez trying☺
to zhow off her new teeth↓♫♫☻♣♦♦
Yea, they look like new teeth♣♣♦☺
zhez ztill ugly az hell☻↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓☻"
also. what the fuck? ^ lay off the fucking emoticons. you look like you were banging your head against the keyboard. i can only guess that's the reason for the lack of intelligence.
73. Kate - July 5, 2007 1:44 PM
"Lets have some masturbation material, please."
If you're masturbating to anything resembling Britney Spears, you need a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Whatever. Just please fuck something.
74. Texas Tranny - July 5, 2007 1:57 PM
@73, you would be right IF I masturbated to pics of Shitney, which I don't. I'm just looking for something to jack off to. You have any pics?
75. Roccdaboat - July 5, 2007 2:07 PM
What this means...if mm Brittney decoder ring is working properly is - her husband was the crazy ass partier...not doing his part - she wanted to swap lives with him, and see what he was he liked so much about that life - but for her, it was not ok - she did not get the part.
76. Antonia - July 5, 2007 2:32 PM
I think she was just trying to be funny and sarcastic about KFed, she's still stupid though, she should know that people are going to take it literally and rip her apart for it.
77. Rose - July 5, 2007 2:33 PM
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha :-o
78. Kristin - July 5, 2007 3:17 PM
I love Britney so much. I am the girl in the picture with her all of the time. We have sex every night. She sticks big fake cocks up my ass and I stick them up hers. One day, she will come out of the closet, but she's just shy about it. She thinks that everyone will hate her if she's gay.
79. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 3:39 PM
Yay I have a clone, recognition!
80. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 3:43 PM
I don't mind Britney, actually, for some reason someone has decided to impersonate me, which is rather odd since I've been on this site for like, two days.
81. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 3:44 PM
Why does my clone keep going on about cock's? Perhaps he is a homosxualist.
82. krazihottkelli - July 5, 2007 4:01 PM
OMG= I am such an annoying retard☺♣♫♫↓♫
I can't spell to save myzelf????????????
I add uneccezary zz's to da end ov evry word♫☻☻☺
I'm tryin to act kool but fail at it♥♠♣
My muzzer dropped me on ze hed az a child☻☻☻☻♫♪♪
zat iz da reezon 4 my mild retardation☻☻☻
zat, and excezzive plastecine conzumption☺
I appologize vor inflicting you with my tragic attempt at pimp speek ↓♫♫☻♣♦♦
aztalovizta byatches!♣♣♦☺☻↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓☻
83. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - July 5, 2007 4:15 PM
80 and 81 is not me, it's my clone. I love big hot juicy dicks in my mouth and my ass. My ass is sore right now, but if anyone wants a hit, call me. My name is Lucy.
84. Lowlands - July 5, 2007 6:51 PM
Oh well,this is quite clear to me.She apologized for her indecent umbrella because her husband didn't want to swap a roll with her and that's why she didn't get any?
85. Sauron - July 5, 2007 6:54 PM
I understand her umbrella is her husband??
86. Jillblondie - July 5, 2007 7:14 PM
I hope that when Krazzeekelli said
"aztalovizta byatches!♣♣♦☺☻↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓☻"
she meant it. I hope she never comes back. Ever.
(sigh) every day I hope...and she's still there with the z's and now her new specialty - unnecessary emoticons.
87. kelly - July 5, 2007 8:03 PM
She's a fucking retard!
88. gay4girls - July 5, 2007 10:11 PM
Hey, I love the crazy hot underage girl! She gives ya'll something to bitch about. It's important.
89. ☺☻☻♪☺♦♦♦♫↓♥♀♣♦♣→→→♫♫☻§ - July 5, 2007 10:13 PM
↨☻↓↨↓)♫☼♦
♦↓→♣♦♣♣♣♣
♦♣◘♫♪♠♫↓↓
♫↓↑↑↑◘♥☻♦☻
90. Sliver - July 6, 2007 2:12 AM
Ok, so I'm confused, she's having sex with an umbrella?
91. koobooboo - July 6, 2007 3:29 AM
yea right, why would an umbrella wanna fuck her
92. Rinkydink - July 6, 2007 4:36 AM
I'm not a Britney fan but I feel sorry for her.
It seems as though the only functioning brain cell she had left has died.
Tragic.
93. krazihottkelli☻↓↓☺☻♣ - July 7, 2007 11:38 AM
86=Jillblowjob:
I didn't zay:
arevaderche=baby
ztupidfuck, my
troll did. like
I'd let any of U
fuckerz ezcape me.☻
maybe 4 A couple
hourz, coz I'm going
to the beach,enjoy your
zkoobyznackz fattazz
while I'm gone☻
94. me - July 7, 2007 7:33 PM
It kinda makes since if u think about it though...
95. Michelle - July 7, 2007 11:31 PM
She' knows every tabloid in the world reads her website 24/7 and she makes shit up to mess with them. See? It got her in the news and everyone talking--again. You can't stop the Brit-Brit train, she's a worldwide name, and she's not going away. There will always be the papp. and they'll always be desperate enough to follow her tails for whatever grasping moment of a story they can get from her.
96. krazihottkelli☻↓↓☺☻♣ - July 8, 2007 11:18 AM
#95=zo what your zaying iz that
it doezn't matter that zhe can't
zing or haz talent..☻