Paris Hilton prepares for prison, rape

first! ;)

Scientists where astounded today, after examining an x-ray of Paris’ skull and finding she doesn’t actually have a brain. Instead, the young heiress’ motor function is derived from a kitten chasing a butterfly.

mmmm, jail showers! Either too hot or freezing cold water. Paris can use her plastic spork to diddle her twat with.

She is going to need a team of delousers when she gets out of prison.

#4, don't you think she needs a team of delousers already?

A $275 hoodie with the word "Faith" on it in medieval script? She must be a goddamn saint! I'm sold. Self-help books that her friends or extended family gave her? If books had feelings, those would be the saddest, loneliest books in the world.

I hope they cavity search the fuck out of her.

She won't learn a damn thing sitting in her special cell...put her where everyone else in this fucking country has to go when they break the law.

I can see it already, bullshit survival story and some sappy fucking program on how 'tramatized' she is and how she's been awakened to the error of her ways...god I hope at least one inmate gets to her and beats her privaliged little head in.

Posted by booga1134 on June 1, 2007 10:04 AM

mmmm, jail showers! Either too hot or freezing cold water. Paris can use her plastic spork to diddle her twat with.

Sorry, booga1134, if she keeps her plastic "spork" after dinner and the guards find it, that is CONTRABAND, and she'll be written up on a disciplinary report.

Who in the hell is gonna' read her "diary"?

I couldn't care less what she writes, nor do I care what she "goes through" in jail. Good luck on selling that piece of garbage!

Posted by booga1134 on June 1, 2007 10:04 AM

mmmm, jail showers! Either too hot or freezing cold water. Paris can use her plastic spork to diddle her twat with.

Sorry, booga1134, if she keeps her plastic "spork" after dinner and the guards find it, that is CONTRABAND, and she'll be written up on a disciplinary report.

what does she think is going to happen to her in there? she's not doing "hard time" and what exactly is she going to write about?

p.s. "friend" of paris, the only way she can make money is if people actually buy this stuff. i'm pretty sure everyone is sick of her skank ass by now. i hope.

She's so phony she must really believe the hype that she's fed that people love her, what kind of moron would be taken in by someone carrying around books about Spiritual stuff she must really undermine the public.

Their should be a prison sentence for anyone caught in the possession of that "diary". And god help the publisher because we should go alquaeda on their ass for publishing it.

Get the shivs ready ladies! Actually get the cement dildos ready. I hope she gets seriously plowed in there. I'm sure there will be a video and she make another couple of million for just sitting there and taking it.

She hasn't made it past the frontispiece of one of those books she's been carrying the past two weeks.

@ #10, I will read het "diary"! It will be the most funny book I read for a while.

hihihi... I'm already laughing... hihihi...

im just glad this bitch IS GOING to the pokey; even if it is for 23 days. OH, I can't wait.

btw #2? a kitten chasing a butterfly?
hysterical.

Next on the Paris Hilton Show: Paris Joins A Convent!

Anything this bitch does, good or bad makes money! she can't sing to save her own life and her "album" sells millions! We all know she can't put two words together and her book sells millions! she has sex, the tape sells millions! Now she goes to jail and she gonna make money anyways! She could shit a blue turd and find a way to make money off of it!! Instead of jail time they should have sentenced her to never be fotographed again. Take that Paris, you cum guzzling, money grubing twatwaffle!

@ #13, [...]alquaeda on their ass[...]

Al Quaeda means "Saint war"....

Nothing saint in killing publishers,... only common sense ...

So who will have the better party? Paris when she gets out or Lohan's Birthday?

Could there be a schedule confict brewing?

God, she looks exactly like al the trashy little grits at the mall, only they are kicking her ass in the brains department. While she probably spent $1,500 on her giddyup, they got all of it plus a free sparkly body lotion at Delia's for $34.50.

#20

I never heard that before. I thought it meant "the homeland" or 'the base"

Are you confusing jihad?

#5- Perhaps.

"Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit"

OK, she is a genius now? For what, being considered the biggest slut on the planet? Quite a meaningful achievement.

#23... yep you are right.... it is jihad... okay... let's return to the base (or return to Al Quaeda) now.

88 hours and 21 minutes. This is going to be great

Who cares about Paris. I'm hungry, what's for breakfast?

okay... read post #13, #20, #24

Well now : "going Al Quaeda on their ass" mean going to the base on their ass....

8| ... nope, not going there.

#13, #20, #23 in fact... typo

Now I stop spamming... promised

This is the girl actually starred in Carls Jr. commercials, the ghettoest & grossest burgers on the Goddamn planet.

That is considered more humiliating than her leaked "porn" tape where she just laid their like a dead corpse getting porked.

Whatever, this is just going to be a fucking vacation for her, a retreat. Everyone knows that. The jail staff will be all googly-eyed starstruck over her, tripping over themselves to bring her food and shit while she acts dumb and talks like a baby.

Dress her up, dress her down, expose her poor fucking skills and her poorer intellect, insult her, arrest her, gang rape her in prison, doesn't matter. Nothing's ever hurts this bitch. She's a goddamn cockroach.

Paris' diary: "Dear log, today I had to get up at 7am! I even had to make my bed... I believe I have some how travelled back in time to the year 1915 and I'm in Auschwitz, and Adolf Hitler is being bad to me"

Day 2: "2 prisoners were chasing after me so I thought to myself, why not use my anorexia to good use? so I stood sideways and I became a 2D image to them, they had no clue where I went..."

Day 21: "I forgot the other days lolz"

Shouldn't she have the hair and make-up team waiting for her on the way out instead - when she has to come out as a brown eyed, brown haired girl

any chance she will be so distraught she will hang herself with the bed sheets?

I have a reminder to celebrate her incarceration day on my calendar. out of all of them though, she seems to not have chemical or substance addictions, maybe because her parents are still together. she is what she is.

any chance she will be so distraught she will hang herself with the bed sheets?

any chance she will be so distraught she will hang herself with the bed sheets?

RAPE?

You are a SICK ASSHOLE! Why would you wish that on anyone? WOMAN HATING JERK! Your karma is going to get you good you piece of shit!

Great rape joke, asshole.

Is anyone really buying into the new penitent image? Paris Hilton wearing a sweatshirt that says "Faith" and carrying around a bible & spiritual self-help books in front of the cameras is equivalent to Mother Teresa dangling antibiotics and a hunk of BBQ'd beef in front of some starving, cholera-ridden Hindu children in Calcutta, then yanking it all away and laughing under her breath with a sense of smug self-satisfaction while walking to her air-conditioned hut with indoor plumbing where, once inside, she kicks her dog, flushes the meds, cracks open a beer and has BBQ for dinner in front of the TV while watching lesbian porn.
It's just not in her inherent nature.

40, you are right. but it's not rape if she likes it!

It's great that she's actually going to lockup and all, but gimme a break, it'll be a cakewalk, and maybe won't even reach the full 23 days. Nobody who owns a battalion of lawyers (ok, her family does) is going to be mistreated in prison. The only reason that crimes like rape are routine in prison is that 99.9% of prisoners are poor, and have no financial means of forcing the prison system to abide by the laws that apply to everybody on the inside. The minute somebody lays a hand on Paris a lawsuit will be filed and the staff will be ground into the dirt (the employees aren't rich either).

It'll be a cakewalk, and afterwards Paris will trot out a fake humbling/personal redemption persona that the media will eat up (they love those stories) until she fucks up again (they love those stories more).

Anyone who buys her prison diary should be shot in the forehead and fed to feral cats.

It's not like she's going to HBO's "Oz" (huah!), but still, my advice for Paris: on the first day, pick the biggest toughest nastiest-smelling black girl on the cellblock, walk up to her and say "whatcha lookin' at, monkeygirl?!" and reach up and ripe out one of her fallopian tubes and start eating it right in front of her before she passes out. Nobody will fuck with you after that.

Pff I'm sure it will be her writing the diary and not someone who can...well...actually write...because paris' submission will just be a pop up book...with herpes scabs stuck on with chewing gum...and the word innosendhjkajce scrawled across the page in purple crayon

#19 - It's called FREE ENTERPRISE! I can't stand this blond piss stain either, but she's not that dumb if she knows how to find buyers for what she's selling. Try it sometime!

The real question is, how do we bring this thread back to coprophilia, like the last Paris thread? I imagine something about a prison stool pidgeon would work as a nice smooth transition...

You never know - she might be stupid enough to try to have something (alcohol, drugs) smuggled in, and end up with a legitimate prison stay.

@46 Bern, outlandishly massive tits on your site today. is that the same chick as yesterday?

i think she looks kinda cute!

I think Paris is a HOOT - she cracks me up. I'd like to see her do just ONE calculus problem. Then she would know what feeling helpless really feels like. She is plastic.

http://belleesprit.blogspot.com/

53, not cool man!

#46 - Bern, that one actually left a smudge on my glasses.

Is ginormous a word? 'Cuz if it is, the definition would be "See Bern's DMBS."

Just outstanding work. Outstanding....

AFJ

@53 that's hot!

Hey.. do you think she qualifies as a gangster now?

She's so well prepared she already has a valentine ready for the person who does the cavity search.

What's bizzare is that "Preparing For Prison and Rape" was the theme to my Senior Prom.

It's a fact. You can look it up.

#52 & #56 - Thank you very much. I work hard all week to find pictures of girls with massive breasts. It's painstaking, but someone has to do it.

I bet they bring her weed

@61 Yes Bern another great DMBS. Did you get the note I left you on your blog?

What's up with the fingers on today's DMBS?

They are all gnarled up. Maybe from years of trying to hold those fun-bags in whlie hooking up the bra?

Wait - how gay is it that I care about her fingers?

Oh please. Her cell mate has already been arranged as some other lady who had a DUI. Not exactly someone Paris should be worrying about. And if you think for one second that she'll be abused or mistreated...no chance that would happen. She'd make such a big deal about it and it would become such a serious public issue so quickly. The system will be on it's best behaviour and treat her with as much respect and consideration as possible, considering she'll be in "jail" and all.

As for the book, it has that same appeal as a bad car crash. You don't really want to look, but you just can't help yourself. I have no doubt that at the very least I'd flip through a few pages in the book store just to see what it's all about.

#7 wins.

Rape rape rape rape rape rape rape rape

why is she dressed like the unibomber?

she will not even spend a full week in prison due to overcrowding. she's already gotten time-off for good behavior and she's not even in yet.

I heard the working title of the book is : "Me like go to jail and stuff."

As a former slacking highschool student myself I know what a book that's read looks like, and was a master at making my required reading materials look as though they had been used. If she insists on carrying those books around (which we clearly know she has never cracked, and probably cannot even read the title) she could at least try and make it look as though she even opened them. That close up of the books is the evidence!

Oh my gosh, this is too hilarious. Is she being serious, or is she really trying to make some last amends to try to appease the Lord so that she doesn't get her ass reamed in prison? Either way she looks ridiculous and pathetic. And if I was her I wouldn't be getting all fixed up to go to prison. I would say look as unattractive as possible when going to a place where there's going to be a bunch of horny, manly lesbians. But then you know she's going to be totally protected and treated differenly. Which I guess is semi fair because she is too famous; she'd get eaten alive in there...hmmmm...on second thought...

Go away already Paris.

If any of you are buying Paris's converted Christian act, I have some Enron stock I'd like to sell to you, cheap!!!!

Im sorry but am i the only one who noticed it looks like she got a NOSE JOB in those pics?! Seriously look at the 8th pic.

i read on msn that she's not going to be getting as much special treatment as it's being speculated. i don't know if this is true but i hope it is.

on the other hand, probably the last time paris was in a 10 x 8 space was in a bathroom stall (a really giant one) and i know the prospect of spending 23 days in such a small space that reeks of disinfectant and b.o. would drive me insane. i have cheered myself up by thinking "hmm, paris hilton is going to be in the same room as someone anytime either of them goes to the bathroom." i can't imagine jail food is easy on the gastro-tubes so perhaps she will spend a bit of time fighting with her roommate over who gets the toilet after taco night. the thought is disgusting yet hilarious. it's not as if she has much farther to fall...she hasn't crawled between any hobo legs in an alley yet to make money for drugs...but let's just give her time.

yea, thatz right girl
wear that cell phone out
coz that shitz about to end.....

#68 - That's "Unabomber", and any amount of time that she spends in jail away from cameras and parties and shopping malls is good! Very good!!
So long as she learns that she's held accountable for her actions just like everyone is!

Can I ask why she's wearing George Michael's 1987 concert tour hoodie?

"There's not a very large market these days for books filled with 23 pages of frowny faces."

haaaahhh

Wow, I can't wait to read her diary. I know it will just rival Anne Frank's.

she looks ridiculous

imran karim

What r those books for...can she even READ!?!?

two newz flazhez:
#1). Tropical Storm
party, we need a victim
(Mia)to offer up to the
sea...the stormz name
is Barry...how fiting for
U...

#2). Seems the air in
Rome is full of cocaine
and pot...Hollywood should
move there...Now we know Y
the Pope is so freakin rich.
Pop=piez......also don't
forget the money they made
off of whiteboy slavery...

jail food zaps the sex drive anyway
Damn fool.

FUCK that shit! If it were you or me or anybody else I guarantee a harsher sentence. 23 days is a fucking joke. She thinks because she has a higher status that rules & laws shouldn't apply to her. I did 28 days for my first dui ever, I regret doing it, but still if I violated my probation I'd do a helluva lot longer than 23 days!
This crazy bitch thinks she's untouchable. I hope her stay is total hell!

An epidemic of herpes in prison! I can barely wait. :P

The words, "Paris Hilton" and "genius" in the same sentence..now, THAT's a stretch of the imagination! She is dumber than a box of rocks and a narcissistic party lush. Any publicity is handled by her handlers, what a joke. Nothing about her is admirable. That was said by one of PH's five NYC "free Paris" fans, I bet, lol.

look how big her hand is holding that phone, it's bigger than her face...enjoy jail..no matter how you look at it, it will suck for her.

I think shes going a little overboard with this whole new found "faith" thing. come on paris, you've done every sin there is. no one is fooled

I don't understand why they want to be sure that nobody will make money with pictures of her holidays in prison when everybody knows that she plan to write (She can write?!? I'm not even sure that she can read...) a book about her time in prison and make a lot of money with it?!? Is she the only one allowed to make money? Seriously, she's already rich..

Stop using the same pictures in your stories! Half the fun is the pictures.

Blast off in 3...2...1

your in jail,
hahahhahahah!

lookz like being
rich didn't stop
u from being stupid..
what a dumb bitch....

enjoy...

Let the little Paris go to Prison and get the same treatment as anyone else would doing her crime any special treatment is just so DAMN RIDICULOUSLY STUPID AND UNJUST!
Everyone who commits a crime should just try become famous be4 they go in then guess as lil Missis Paris is getting this special treatment with her cell being ther for her and her not sharing one and the hour break for shower and phone call should be therfore available for anyone else No?

Or therefore her crime is not fairly being punished and the law is being unlawful because what exactly makes a celebrity so diferent from everyone else is everyone not human? SHould she have a less stressful tym doing her punishment just cause she is Paris ?

@#33
"Dress her up, dress her down, expose her poor fucking skills and her poorer intellect, insult her, arrest her, gang rape her in prison, doesn't matter. Nothing's ever hurts this bitch. She's a goddamn cockroach."

*L*
Yep. I love it too.

well I like paris and i dont think shes nearly as stupid as most people think she is. She ficked up big deal shes dealin with it. She diserves to be in jail and serve her sentence and shes gunna hav a tough time in there regardless of wether or not she get a little special treatment. If you had her money then youd want to be reasured you would come to no harm. As for writing a jail diary i think this is a great idea, maybe its something that other people in prisons could do i think it would be an interesting read from paris or other inmates which hav served more severe sentences. shes got a brain and i think she uses to the best of her advantage! Why not try make the most out of it i would. i think people treat her harshly because they are jelous its not her fault that shes got money, but she has and she lives an extravagant life because of it. most people wont ever get to live like her so we will never really undastand. she should learn from her mistakes and move on. thats what we all have to do at one point or another in life. shes a person just like us at the end of the day she shits and gets sick crys and laughs. she just lives a different life then most.

These comments have proven to me one thing - Satan exists. You guys will have plenty of time to get to know him in a few more years.

Your pointless disdain for someone you don't even know sickens me. Even worse are some of the things you wish upon her. There are a lot worse people to hate, so maybe you should sink your fangs into the flesh of terrorists. Spit your venom at hateful, mindless beings with a desire only to kill.

Heh, if I didn't know any better, I'd think I was talking about you. I can only hope that the fate you have wished upon Paris will come to you instead.

what a fucking joke! but we should learn and take advantage of the situation. maybe other police systems will learn that it is not so bad to receive money for freedom. maybe next time I get stopped by the police I can buy myself out of a ticket and court!

#97 fuck off

paris is a lazy bitch who sucks random dick.......you mean that get you to heaven?

LOL fuck you. Paris has not done a thing in her life that means an ounce of anyhting. She SUCKS at singing, SUCKS at "acting" and SUCKS alot of dick.

Who the fuck cares about her? If that was me theyd say "your going to jail and thats it"

Serve youpussy sentece and get out and move on you fuckgin whore slut.

34: Paris probably has no idea who Hitler is and she probably thinks Auschwitz is an amusement park.

Tell me how you can't feel sorry for this sad face?...

http://parishilton.snagapic.com

nice blog

nice blog