Christina Aguilera and Jordan Bratman were spotted in New York last night celebrating Bratman's 30th birthday with a Hawaiian themed party. And judging by his expression I'd say he had a blast. I've seen children who just found out they have cancer that look happier than this.
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Reader Comments
1. Bort Simpsoy - June 5, 2007 5:32 PM
Haw-Haw!
2. James - June 5, 2007 5:34 PM
i get his "Hawaiian" look. but what is she supposed to be?
3. Bern - June 5, 2007 5:34 PM
She looks like Skanky Hawaiian Fluffer Barbi.
4. Kate - June 5, 2007 5:35 PM
She's got an ANGRY INCH
5. Kate - June 5, 2007 5:36 PM
Hawaiian Themed? I thought she was supposed to be HEDWIG
6. Jimbo ∞ - June 5, 2007 5:37 PM
Nice sausage-casing legs. Plump and bowed, just like when you take them off the grill.
7. Ooba Gooba - June 5, 2007 5:37 PM
This guy either has a ton of money or a huge schlong, cause he sure ain't pretty.
8. Kate - June 5, 2007 5:38 PM
My sex change operation got botched
My guardian angel fell asleep on the watch
Now all I've got is a barbie doll crotch
I've got an angry inch
Six inches forward and five inches back
I got a
I got an angry inch
Six inches forward and five inches back
I got a
I got an angry inch
9. schack - June 5, 2007 5:39 PM
dammit, the maid's been eating the chocolates and stealing the pantyhose again.
10. Kate - June 5, 2007 5:40 PM
[img]http://www.losanjealous.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/06/Hedwig.jpg[/img]
11. Rachael - June 5, 2007 5:42 PM
She's so gorgeous him yeah well not so much. To score a girl like that and look like he does he must be an extemely nice guy or yeah what #7 said - have an extremely large penis.
12. Jimbo - June 5, 2007 5:44 PM
@6 Thanks troll, that was kind of funny.
13. Drewus - June 5, 2007 5:47 PM
Looks like his plumbing is backed up! I gladly change positions with him and......... have her scream in my ear.
14. Jimbo - June 5, 2007 5:47 PM
Christina is dating that troll? The guy must either be able to lick his forehead or he's hanging to his knees
15. wedgeone - June 5, 2007 5:48 PM
He looks like he's going along with it because he doesn't want to be dumped by his hot girlfriend.
She looks like she has no idea what planet she's currently living on. Can we see her on "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?"
16. Zeke - June 5, 2007 5:50 PM
Now we know what happened to Gabe Kaplan's love child..
17. wedgeone - June 5, 2007 5:50 PM
One more thing - where's her Hawaiian outfit? He's wearing the grass skirt and she isn't?
Damn - we know who runs this relationship.
18. gina - June 5, 2007 5:52 PM
He's prolly tired just trying to keep Xtina happy!
Paris Hilton Prison Game:
http://www.innerdrama.com/games/game2709.html
19. skankalicious mom - June 5, 2007 6:01 PM
They are both so ugly they deserve each other.
20. mrs_primevil - June 5, 2007 6:03 PM
She'd be so pretty if she ditch about a pound of that make-up
21. bamboozled - June 5, 2007 6:03 PM
AWWWWE HELLL NO. Whut she wearin'? Dis girl trippin fo real peeps! That ain't no hawaiian outfit. Girl been runnin round in minnie mouses underwear drawer.
22. Eyeballs - June 5, 2007 6:05 PM
That's the look of a husband on his birthday that just finished waitin 12 hours for his wife to get ready for his party.
23. Victor - June 5, 2007 6:07 PM
She makes Jordan Bratman happy, and makes my dick very happy. Instant hard on, I need to get off this keyboard so I can do my business.
24. BarbadoSlim - June 5, 2007 6:07 PM
What a greasy mess, get me some industrial de-greaser and a belt sander STAT!
25. shallow - June 5, 2007 6:11 PM
Every time I see them as a couple, I can't help but think that it's just a bad fucking joke that is being played on the public.
But, I must be jealous, right?
Cause the hairy little nematoad is boning X-tina every day.
Or maybe not, judging from the look on his face.
26. amma - June 5, 2007 6:12 PM
...His look basically says he
married his masturbation fantasy.
And it was great. The first four
months. Except that now he has
slept with her a gazillion
times and is bored. And
she eats a lot and is always
drunk. And posing. And eating.
And talking. And falling down.
And spending money. And putting
on make-up. And drinking more.
27. Ronald McDonald - June 5, 2007 6:15 PM
She is about 5'2" tall. He must be the same height. Salema Hayek could eat that tiny little homo.
28. schack - June 5, 2007 6:17 PM
that's the way of the world, shallow. for some unknown reason (if one can call it that) women are really attracted to douche-bag tossers.
29. kwsoze - June 5, 2007 6:19 PM
wait, why is wearing flowers on your head considered dressing in Hawaiian garb?
30. Chauncey Gardner - June 5, 2007 6:21 PM
Dud-dud-dud-dud-dud-dud!
Dud-dud-dud-dud-dud-DUD!
BRATMAN!
POW! ZONK!
BRATMAN!
BAM! THWOK!
BRATMAN! BRATMAN! BRATMAN!
Dud-dud-dud-dud-dud-dud!
Dud-dud-dud-dud-dud-DUD!
BRATMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!
31. Juego De Poker - June 5, 2007 6:23 PM
when i look at the picture the only thing that comes to my head is this:
"she really needs to work on her colors"
32. Chauncey Gardner - June 5, 2007 6:23 PM
You know, I can't see his utility belt from here, but he can't possibly have enough Brat-Ho-Repellent if he's hanging around with Christina.
33. honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah! - June 5, 2007 6:28 PM
He's wearing a "Get Lei'd" shirt. You can't hate on him too harshly.
34. honeycomb's_big_yeahyeahyeah! - June 5, 2007 6:30 PM
Also, the outfit on Christina is less "Hawaiian" than it is "feed the sacrificial virgin to the angry volcano gods"-ian. Or IS that Hawaiian? The little I know of US history/geography comes from that Animaniacs song about the US capitals.
35. Angry Ferret Jones - June 5, 2007 6:38 PM
I think that look on his face is his intense fear that one day he is going to wake up and this dream will be over. Or that she will wake up and realize what a useless, ugly fucking retard she is with and run out of the room screaming.
Honestly, do us a favor and fuck somebody pretty. It would be good for the whole group. I give this douche-bag another 6 months tops on holding this charade together.
AFJ
36. Angry Ferret Jones - June 5, 2007 6:40 PM
Richport - there's your choke-fuck right there!!!
37. captain obvious - June 5, 2007 6:41 PM
Sooo much makeup. This girl tries way to hard. She has an amazing, strong voice, but she's not the icon she thinks she is. She's always posing and acting like she's so sexy; she thinks she is this generations Marilyn Monroe or something. Sorry, Christina, not even close. You're just another pop princess, the only difference is you can actually sing (though personally I don't care for her voice or her music, but I can admit talent when I hear it). Well, at least she finally stopped that whole disgusting "dirty" look...eeew
38. woodhorse - June 5, 2007 6:43 PM
in pic two - he looks so fucking funny, *catching breath from laughing so hard* I want to fuck him - if he leaves the skirt on.
39. dudley - June 5, 2007 6:49 PM
What an ugly bastard.
Jesus christ
40. King Dong - June 5, 2007 6:50 PM
that dude's shirt is sooo gei.
41. Petite - June 5, 2007 6:50 PM
Why do stage performers always dress like they're about to put on a show?!?!?!
42. noway - June 5, 2007 6:51 PM
i would be angry if i was married to this bitch- she's a total diva who makes a scene when things don't go her way. i once saw her bitch this 13 year old girl out for asking for an autograph. god forbid anyone bother this prima donna!
43. BarbadoSlim - June 5, 2007 6:58 PM
Bratman better enjoy his little dish while she's young 'n tight. Seriously her body is a little whack. C'mon that bow-legged deal, she's a midget, flat ass.
I want to see what she'll look like after a coupla kids.
44. skankalicious mom - June 5, 2007 7:12 PM
@#37 - well said
she really does go way over the top with all that war paint, sheesh - tone it down Xtina you look like you walked into a cosmetics factory and got pelted.
45. Binky - June 5, 2007 7:30 PM
Well,ok, I've seldom been called a 'Fashion Maven.'
But if I were her, I'd subtly mention to him sometime that he could maybe lose the 'faux' grass skirt.
I just don't think it's working.
46. Negatrice - June 5, 2007 7:35 PM
THAT FUCKIN TIBIA-CALVES COMBO.
47. Kathleen - June 5, 2007 8:02 PM
She wears a LOT of make-up...
48. anna - June 5, 2007 8:11 PM
If my wife were walking around like a common street whore I wouldn't look happy either. Additionally, if people were taking pictures of her to send all around the world for guys to jackoff too...i would look like this.
49. Dianne - June 5, 2007 8:16 PM
UMM YEAH, EWW. SHE LOOKS LIKE A CLOWN...
50. lambman - June 5, 2007 8:18 PM
That would be a really cute bathing suit if not for that white thing around her waist. Plus it fits with her whole, pretend everyday is Halloween and dress like a 1940's clown hooking thing...which I still support over having a cottage cheese ass and no talent like Britney
51. sandy - June 5, 2007 8:20 PM
LOL @ Chauncy Gardner's sound effects and lyrics(?). Esp. the long Braaaatman.
52. freakoid - June 5, 2007 8:20 PM
yum! because wimmin who wear body stockings with swimsuits are soooo hot! just ask kirsty ally!
53. Chirpy - June 5, 2007 8:24 PM
HE IS NOT CUTE.
IN THE LEAST.
(He must be very nice.)
54. Chirpy - June 5, 2007 8:24 PM
HE IS NOT CUTE.
IN THE LEAST.
(He must be very nice.)
55. sandy - June 5, 2007 8:25 PM
He looks so BUMMED. My boyfriend should give me some diamonds and flowers just because I would never do this to him.
56. The Superfish guy is on coke - June 5, 2007 8:43 PM
Somebody finally told her to lay off the tanning bed. That orange shit does not look good. You live in California for fuck's sake. Just lay out in your back yard and only tan the ass and the titties in the bed.
57. Stew - June 5, 2007 8:49 PM
As ugly as this fucking guy is he should be happy he sleeps in the same bed as Christina Aguilera. On another note, if this dude is hitting it then he is truly God's child and is blessed for life.
58. Erka - June 5, 2007 8:54 PM
what an ugly couple.
59. dickritchey - June 5, 2007 8:58 PM
check this out, it's better... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAcpLiw4qt4
60. Sassy - June 5, 2007 9:16 PM
Okay this guy MUST have a big wang and/or is fabulous in bed because he looks like a creepy troll-man.
61. troublebunny - June 5, 2007 9:20 PM
Is it just me, or does anyone else think he looks like a cartoon mouse?
62. BOMP - June 5, 2007 9:22 PM
IT'S HEDWIG AND YITZAK!!!!
63. Lobo - June 5, 2007 9:25 PM
The guy is the kind of coyote ugly that when he wakes up in the morning, she's trying to gnaw his pecker off.
64. bob0so - June 5, 2007 9:25 PM
Does Xtina strike anyone else as venturing into Boy George territory?
65. WowJustWow - June 5, 2007 9:26 PM
If that was a Hawaiian-themed party, what the fk is she supposed to be? Since when do Hawaiians dress like cheezy hotel maids?
66. troublebunny - June 5, 2007 9:47 PM
It's Fievel! Fievel Mouskowitz from American Tail! That's who he looks like!
67. Hollie - June 5, 2007 9:47 PM
AM I THE ONLY ONE DISGUSTED BY THIS COMMENT:
I've seen children who just found out they have cancer that look happier than this.
HORRIBLE!!!!!
68. mada - June 5, 2007 10:13 PM
Um, Gwen Stefani called; she wants her one-piece swimsuit from her last tour.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=mSAUhsN00tE
69. krazihottkelli - June 5, 2007 10:14 PM
her make=up lookz
like zhit.......
hez got dumbo earz.
damn U think all
that money, he
would have them
pinned back....
70. no1justminda - June 5, 2007 10:25 PM
You'd look like that too, if you tried to kiss your wife on the cheek and all you get is an inch of makeup caked on your lips. Doesn't leave a good taste in your mouth for sure!
71. DahliaRose - June 5, 2007 10:39 PM
Her mother must have forgotten to potty train her. Otherwise, she wouldn't still be wearing diapers. Poor thing.
72. mabbo - June 5, 2007 10:41 PM
Well I see Xtina is fat again. Man, she is ALWAYS copying Britney Spears. Britney married white trash, then so did Christina. What next, Chris gonna pop out two kids in a year and a half too? Britney is chubby and so now is Xtina, LOL. Despite the big voice, poor poor Christina will always be SECOND to Britney, which is kinda sad. I hear that Xtina's new album is not selling very well. Time to get Stripped and dirrty again.
73. Choocher - June 5, 2007 10:42 PM
You folks act like you've never seen that spoiled semite "I smell kitty litter" look etched on the faces of yahudeys from Loowong Island to Pwahm Springs. The last time that rat-faced spawn of a moneylender ever experienced adversity was the day of his Bris. He needs to get chased around by some Cossacks or sumpn, jar him out of his privileged hell. Then he'll learn how to play the violin or embroider hannukah hats, some kind of contribution so he can experience the joy of giving . Friggin parasite. Not to sound hateful or bitter, though.
74. cosmetologist - June 5, 2007 10:44 PM
I bet he has a hairy back, too.
75. Saera - June 5, 2007 10:55 PM
LOL SO TRUE!
76. Lindsay - June 5, 2007 10:56 PM
Why the hell did she marry him? He must have a huge, huge wang. But even so - WTF
77. star69 - June 5, 2007 11:04 PM
Never underestimate the power of a giant shlong! And the power of bleach and the power of gallons of makeup!
78. zuzuspetals - June 5, 2007 11:07 PM
He's really sad that she isn't wearing enough makeup
today. Only 14 layers, not 20.
79. Condom Man - June 5, 2007 11:12 PM
Hope she doesn't get preggo .. that'd be an ugly fucking baby
80. Casey - June 5, 2007 11:20 PM
Is there a reason she's not wearing a ring?
81. sarah - June 5, 2007 11:37 PM
I think she is pregnant. Either that or she is really chunking up. Her face looks really swollen in these pics and so do her boobs. That would also explain the hideous white thing tied around her waist.
82. carsten5577 - June 6, 2007 12:08 AM
That's one ugly jewboy.
83. krazihottkelli - June 6, 2007 12:25 AM
#72=Brittney(mommiefreakindearezt)
can not sing..thatz why she fakez
it like Ashlee Simpzon, azzhole...
chriztina on the other hand, can
sing the shit outta anyone, bitch.
stop kizzen mommiedeareztz azzhole,
she can't do anything except, wear
shitty clothez, drezz like a 14 yr.
old, and of courze ignore her kidz!
84. frenchie - June 6, 2007 12:41 AM
.... umm ... nothing
85. bill brasky - June 6, 2007 1:23 AM
what's that on the inside of her left arm?
and what are those big things on the side of his head....wait those are his ears
86. DT1018 - June 6, 2007 1:29 AM
I don't care how big a man's penis is, ugly is still ugly.
87. Pope Nyx - June 6, 2007 1:35 AM
Um... two things. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE WEARING ON HER LEGS? Are those orthopedic support tights?
Also, when the page first loaded, I didn't even recognize her. I thought, "Who is the horse-faced blonde I've never seen before?"
88. ctti - June 6, 2007 2:17 AM
What the hell is she wearing?!!
Also, forgive me for stating the obvious but that husband of hers is butt-ugly. I do like Christina but this is...EWW.
Just when you thought things were taking a turn for the better...
89. andreea - June 6, 2007 3:14 AM
why do these stars always marry - instead just buying a dog when they need some unpretentious company?!
90. Guy - June 6, 2007 4:18 AM
Well I think it is (don't know the right word here) great to see that Christina married someone that isn't really good looking, but probably married him because of his personality.
91. Daisy - June 6, 2007 6:17 AM
Looks like she's hiding a baby bump.
92. techclerk - June 6, 2007 6:24 AM
#83
I counted eight "S"es in your post!
93. techclerk - June 6, 2007 6:26 AM
His shirt says he'll get "leid" tonight....
He looks like an idiot haoulie tourist and he knows it. She dressed him, I'll bet.
94. techclerk - June 6, 2007 6:29 AM
#79
What are you talking about? Ugly parents have adorably cute babies... and then those babies grow up to be just as fugly as the parents.
95. theoriginalmilf - June 6, 2007 7:28 AM
What's up with the two red marks on her arm? It looks like she got drunk one night (or sober, if you really wanna psychoanalyze her) and tried slitting her wrist. Except, of course, she never finished kindergarten and thinks her elbow is her wrist.
Besides that, she's still hot. If you like looking at trannies who can't dress them themselves.
96. Darth Hater - June 6, 2007 7:40 AM
Did we just go an entire day without a Li-Ho, Shitney, or Parasite post? That's got to be like one of the seven seals or four horsemen.
Why must she wear Tammy-Faye makeup all the time? Sheesh. Sometimes less is more.
97. G to tha regama - June 6, 2007 7:51 AM
I love that I click on one of the photos and the add at the bottom of the page is 'collectable barbies' !! :D
I'd still hit it, and her husband can't even buy decent kicks! Fool.
98. Raptor Porn - June 6, 2007 8:08 AM
Raptor Porn
99. Angie - June 6, 2007 8:44 AM
She's the ugliest tranny that i've ever seen.
100. T-Bone - June 6, 2007 8:45 AM
I'm sure I've got it...He looks bored because he spends his nights BONING CHRISTINA AGUILERA. A Hawaiian-themed party? YAWN.
101. Fluffy Butt - June 6, 2007 9:11 AM
wtf does she use to get that shit off of her face? a Brillo pad ... christ!
102. Locode - June 6, 2007 9:15 AM
He's busy listening to broadcasts on his ear antenna. Man, if he doesn't give hope to all motherhumpingly ugly big-eared trolls of the world. Unless he's just the exception that proves the rules?
103. Screaming Viking - June 6, 2007 9:28 AM
he is the luckiest douchebag on earth. he must pack 10 inches.
104. Raptor Porn - June 6, 2007 9:35 AM
I think she needs to come get fitted for a Raptor's dick.
Raptor Porn
105. njanjanja - June 6, 2007 9:37 AM
jeezzz...she must really hate herself..i mean..just look how much shit shes got on her face.and the thing is, it doesnt even make her more pretty....she just looks cheap and dirty..
106. Chris - June 6, 2007 9:40 AM
They both have the same long, ugly nose. She's fug, I don't know how anyone says she's hot. both Alba and most other current celeb girls are waaaaaay hotter. She even has ugly legs, no definition. And googly muppet-eyes to boot. Fug.
107. Miserable Bastard - June 6, 2007 9:56 AM
She looks like a transvestite Jesus on crucifixion day.
108. ctti - June 6, 2007 10:27 AM
@107: Yeah, really funny. Can see how fitting your name is.
109. Julie - June 6, 2007 11:02 AM
i love christina aguilera.
110. Hemlock Queen - June 6, 2007 12:21 PM
I just have to add...
Where is Christina buying her stockings? From the Dolly Parton Hosiery Line at Wal-Mart? I didn't know she was 80 needing support hose.
111. Nance - June 6, 2007 5:32 PM
She has so much make-up on that she looks like she is doing a Broadway play version of Lil Abner, and in that outfit. He is busted looking, looks like he's 15. Why is she so orange all the time, ugh. and those support fishnets are the worst!
112. StoneRose - June 6, 2007 5:36 PM
Haw Haw! They have the same nose and mouth in pic 2!
113. A - June 6, 2007 5:59 PM
#106
hahaha, yeah i couldn't agree more.
114. sweetnsnooty - June 6, 2007 6:22 PM
She looks too airbrushed, too much make up, too "tanned" skin ... meh!
115. dulce - June 6, 2007 7:43 PM
christina is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to pretty to be married to that UGLY ASS guy. he looks like ass
116. dulce - June 6, 2007 7:43 PM
christina is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to pretty to be married to that UGLY ASS guy. he looks like ass
117. hendero67 - June 7, 2007 4:26 AM
OK, so we've got Bratman, and the clown-painted Joker. But where's Commissioner Gordon? Chief O'Hara?
118. Snatchit - June 7, 2007 9:47 AM
Face made by Mattel.
119. UNCLE NED - June 7, 2007 1:47 PM
This one's easy. She loves this guy! That sad, big-eared puppy-dog that we all see when we look at Bratman, she finds it endearing. He makes her laugh, and I give her credit, cause she choose this guy not on his looks. She just loves this guy, and when a rich, famous, sexy singer loves you, you just go along for the ride. His face always says to me "I'm along for the ride".
120. JD - June 8, 2007 10:38 PM
Has anyone ever noticed that they have the same nose? look at pic#2
121. diana - June 9, 2007 7:57 PM
toooooooooooooooo MUCH MAKEUP
122. Tallyman - June 11, 2007 1:06 AM
He looks like the alien out of Men In Black that can re-grow its head. lol.
Christina needs to lay off the makeup gun. her skin is probably terrible because of how much she wears and therefore she has to wear it all the time. oh well...
Tally Out.
123. w00t - June 11, 2007 3:23 AM
Now thats sick. Ugly, rat faced jew that Bratman is, and swollen, double chinned Xtina.
124. Jackie - June 14, 2007 11:17 PM
God she is such a fugy piece of work.
Ok so heres a story ive heard about her and why she ended up settling for Bratman: A few years back she was fucking her way through the insiders of the music industry, bratman being one of them, these guys didnt have ANY respect for her - the only onw who was a big enough loser to form a relationship with her was Bratman, he was the only one which didnt have an ounce of dignity to be able to let this std-ridden whore be his girlfriend ... ok that was a very LIGHT summary ... but its what i heard.
Oh and on a final note fuck them both. Shes a dirty fake whore (who is completely BALD underneath those hair extensions - ala Britney) and hes a dirty shit boy with a head like half eaten hot dog. let them have eachother!
125. Rachel - June 16, 2007 11:10 PM
christina aguilera is a very beautiful woman. where did THAT guy come from? love is love, who knows?
126. Blue Moon - October 4, 2007 6:09 PM
82 - carsten5577 - You are one pathetic christian loser, who spends all his time jerking off on your computer. Get over your jealousy of Bratman, he is with her and she pretty much wrote a double album for him. Any girl even write you a letter, you fag.
125 - Rachel - you right Love is love! Losers love to spend all their time worrying about why she married him and really that doesn't matter. It just to bad everyone is making racist comments about it.