Jun 15 2007Victoria Beckham launches denim line

Victoria Beckham celebrated the launch of her dVb denim line yesterday at Saks Fifth Avenue in New York. Although I find it difficult to believe women actually want to look like her. Yeah, she's skinny, but she barely looks human anymore. I could put together a more natural looking person with some brooms and some tape.

Jun 15 2007Linday Lohan leaving rehab

Lindsay Lohan might be leaving the Promises rehab facility soon. A source tells Gatecrasher:

"She's scheduled to be out of rehab by next week. She's taken rehab very seriously. She has cut a lot of negative influences in her life. She and [mom] Dina speak every day."

She checked in May 28th and was supposed to do a 30 day program, so if she gets out by next week it means she'll have left the program early. And if there's one thing Lindsay doesn't need, it's to get out of rehab early. You wouldn't set Hannibal Lecter free just because "he hasn't eaten anybody in over a week." I know it's not like prison and she can leave whenever she wants, but if she's really taking this seriously she should complete the program. Otherwise I'll save myself some time and start writing future headlines now: "Lindsay Lohan arrested after driving her car through an office building."

And here's Lindsay taking a break from rehab to go workout at a Malibu gym.

Jun 15 2007David Hasselhoff gets primary custody

David Hasselhoff was awarded primary physical custody and sole legal custody of his two daughters today, despite the fact that last month a judge suspended his visitation rights when a tape surfaced showing him drunk and eating a burger off his living room floor while his daughter pleaded with him to stop drinking.

Just goes to show nothing can stop David Hasselhoff. You could drop a truck on him and he'd just catch it and throw it to the side while laughing. Then he'd say something into his watch and get into a talking black car before driving to the beach and running around in red shorts saving people's lives. I think I saw a documentary about him on TV once and that's what he does right? That's his life?

Continue Reading "David Hasselhoff gets primary custody"

Jun 15 2007Nicole Richie is pregnant

Rumors have been circling that Nicole Richie is pregnant with Joel Madden's baby, but she's been dodging the question in interviews. However, a good friend of hers says she's definitely pregnant and is hoping it'll keep her out of jail. She tells Page Six:

"Nicole is kind of hoping her pregnancy will keep her out of jail," the friend said. Richie is facing time due to a DWI arrest earlier this year. But friends are concerned and "wondering if she can carry the baby to term because of her weight issues."

I can't figure out what's more horrifying, that people are actually having sex with Nicole Richie or that she's carrying a baby in that tiny little body of hers. There's no way she's going to be able to carry this child to term. She can barely eat enough to keep herself alive. And can you imagine her trying to raise a child? An erupting volcano would make a better parent.

Jun 15 2007Bob Barker's final episode

Just a friendly reminder, Bob Barker's final episode of The Price Is Right will air tonight at 8pm. As long as he doesn't physically turn into dust I think it'll be considered a success.

Jun 15 2007Angelina Jolie wants 14 children

Angelina Jolie was on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart yesterday and when asked how many children she'd like to have she responded:

"It fluctuates between seven and 13 or 14."

She was also asked about the Fox News story claiming she had asked the press to sign a contract before interviewing her, and she said it was put together by her lawyer and she had no idea it was going out.

"There was a memo that went out to ask people if they would sign it that said, 'Don't get into personal questions, focus on the movie,' and things like that," Jolie explained. "It was from my representative trying to be protective of me, but it was excessive and I wouldn't have put it out there."

And then when she was asked about renaming her 3-year-old adopted son, Pax Thien, she said it was because her mother suggested the name before her death from ovarian cancer.

"My mom wrote a list of names when we were going to have Shiloh. One of the names that she suggested was Pax because it meant peace. [But] he's anything but at the moment."

So pretty much every problem I had with Angelina Jolie isn't even a problem anymore. How is it possible she can be so perfect? I guess I can take some satisfaction in knowing that she's dating Wyatt Earp. Seriously, what the hell is Brad Pitt wearing? I understand getting dressed up for a premiere, but he looks like he should be slapping people in the face with a white glove or performing magic.

Jun 14 2007Jessica Alba is an American hero

OK! Magazine is reporting that Endeavor Talent Agency dropped Paris Hilton because Jessica Alba pushed to have her kicked. An insider reveals:

“They were getting a lot of pressure from bigger clients to get rid of Paris. None of them wanted to have the same agents as Paris; she’s an embarrassment to any real artist. Jessica is the anti-Paris — a real star who hates the silly L.A. party scene that Paris reigns over. She made it clear to the folks at Endeavor — either Paris goes or she goes.”

And if that doesn't qualify her for greatest woman on the planet, she also says she's up for one night stands as long as the guy doesn't stick around the next morning. She tells Cosmopolitan magazine:

"I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don't think a girl's a slut if she enjoys sex. I could have a one-night stand, and I'm the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, 'Do you really have to be here?' I don't need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don't try to make it more. I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don't feel so bad about just wanting to have sex. I don't really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have. Even when I was a virgin and wanted to marry the first guy who I slept with, I never passed any judgments about that. But now I'm done with dating around."

The word 'hero' is thrown around a lot these days, but I think it's safe to say Jessica Alba is the greatest hero to have ever lived. I once ran into a burning building to save a child and his pet dog, but compared to Jessica Alba I might as well have spent that day beating up kittens.

Jun 14 2007Cameron Diaz goes surfing

These photos of Cameron Diaz surfing were taken a few weeks ago while she in Waikiki, Hawaii. Her mouth is a scientific anomaly, but she has a pretty decent body for a 34-year-old. Wait, 34 isn't that old. I guess she'd have a pretty decent body if she was 90. But she's not 90. So she's got the 34-year-old body of a 34-year-old. Congratulations!

Jun 14 2007Paris Hilton getting cartoon, losing weight

A friend of Paris Hilton says she's dropped about 5 pounds since being sent to the Twin Towers Medical Center because "she's still depressed and not eating or sleeping much." Meanwhile, Marvel comics legend Stan Lee has confirmed that he's developing an animated series for MTV starring Paris Hilton which will be similar to the Stripperella cartoon he developed for Pamela Anderson. Although they really don't have to animate this thing. They could just make a documentary about her life and it would turn out more cartoony. Heck, they could put up an old Garfield episode and nobody would tell the difference.

Source

Jun 14 2007Brooke Hogan makes faces

Brooke Hogan showed up to the opening of Danny DeVito's restaurant in Miami last night. Which isn't really news, I just got a kick out of the faces she's making. She's not really even that ugly*. Although it's hard for me to judge, since being the daughter of Hulk Hogan, I always expect her to be bald and with a full grown beard.

*She's a dude, right?

Jun 14 2007Angelina Jolie is a hypocrite

In the most hypocritical move ever, Angelina Jolie tried to censor all her interviews yesterday while promoting A MIghty Heart, her new film about freedom of the press. Jolie had her publicists ban FOX News from the red carpet of her premiere, and then had her lawyer require all journalists to sign a contract before talking to her, which basically said nobody could talk about her personal life and that "the interview may only be used to promote the Picture. In no event may Interviewer or Media Outlet be entitled to run all or any portion of the interview in connection with any other story. ... The interview will not be used in a manner that is disparaging, demeaning, or derogatory to Ms. Jolie."

USA Today and the Associated Press canceled their interviews, and eventually Jolie cut off all print interviews when she heard the reaction. And if all this wasn't hypocritical enough, the premiere was a benefit for the organization Reporters Without Borders and she's got a tattoo on her back that says "Know your rights." How did she go from the hottest woman on the planet to the most annoying one? Nobody would even care about this except that she's running around the world pretending to be better than everybody else. It's like finding out instead of helping all those starving children in Africa she's actually been giving them wedgies.

Jun 14 2007Britney Spears invites fans to vote on album titles

On her official site, Britney Spears is asking fans to vote on a new album title. She writes:

"You'll Never See it My Way, Because You're Not Me"

Britney is asking her most die-hard fans for some assistance in order to name her upcoming album.

Possible Album Titles:

1. OMG is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like
2. What if hte Joke is on You
3. Down boy
4. Integrity
5. Dignity

I'm pretty sure they're all joke titles, which makes it funny that she lumped 'Integrity' and 'Dignity' in with 'OMG is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like.' I mean, yeah, they're equally laughable to associate with Britney Spears but I didn't think she knew that. And she left off "I Heart Cheetos" because, well, I guess you can't put the actual album title up with a bunch of joke ones.

Jun 14 2007Paris Hilton finally sent back to jail

Paris Hilton was transferred out of the medical ward of the Twin Towers Correctional Facility late last night and back to the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynwood where she started her sentence more than a week ago. She was undergoing medical and psychiatric testing to determine where she should be held and I guess they went with the Lynwood facility. Although I was kind of hoping they would've gone with a zoo. Or maybe a rocket ship aimed directly at the sun.

Source

Jun 13 2007Britney Spears flashes her panties...again

As if flashing her boob and ass weren't enough, Britney Spears showed what a lady she was by flashing her panties as she was leaving a nail appointment in Los Angeles yesterday. She's almost too classy. I bet when she sips tea she sticks her pinky finger out and says stuff like, "Mahvelous, dear!"

Jun 13 2007Britney Spears holds Jayden James Spears

Britney Spears was spotted in a yellow bikini carrying Jayden James over the weekend. And I'm tempted to say she almost looks good here. But I won't, because that would go against everything I believe in. Actually, eating peas would go against everything I believe in. Why eat peas when you can eat candy? That's what I always say.

Jun 13 2007Britney Spears wears small clothes

You know how rich people buy really nice expensive clothes and then look really good in their really nice expensive clothes? Well none of that applies to Britney Spears, because she always looks like she just fished something out of the Wal-Mart bargain bin. I like how she chooses to dress like this, but then obsessively pulls her shirt down to cover up her belly. And you know what else I like? Baby pandas. And ice cream. Put those two together and you've got yourselves a party.

Jun 13 2007Paris Hilton sees plastic surgeon

It's unclear why, but Paris Hilton reportedly saw plastic surgeon, Dr. Steven Hoefflin, last Friday while she was on house arrest. A source says he's sort of the Hilton family's private doctor, and consults family members on medical issues including, but not limited to, cosmetic issues.

This guy used to be Michael Jackson's former plastic surgeon and has also done work on Sylvester Stallone, Joan Rivers, and Janet Jackson. So really, he's less of a doctor, and more of a guy with a scalpel who has absolutely no idea what he's doing. I really have no idea why Paris would be seeing him, since you'd get about the same quality of work from a blender.

Source

Jun 13 2007UPDATE: Shar Jackson pregnant with Kevin Federline's baby

Shar Jackson is reportedly seven weeks pregnant with another of Kevin Federline's children. She got a positive result from a home pregnancy test and then confirmed it with a visit to her gynecologist a few days later. A good friend of hers tells Star:

“Shar wants to tell Kevin, but she keeps getting cold feet! She’s really scared of what he’ll say – if he’ll be excited or furious. She said, ‘What if he doesn’t want another kid?’ After all with her two, and Brit’s two, he’s got his hands full already! It would be Shar’s dream for them to get married and have another baby. She’d love to be living the family life with Kevin.”

Wow. Really? I mean really? I can't figure out who's dumber, Kevin Federline for being Kevin Federline or Shar Jackson for letting him get her pregnant three times. After having two of his kids you'd think she would've already learned her lesson. And by learned her lesson I mean killed herself. How do you have K-Fed's penis inside of you and go on living?

UPDATE: Shar Jackson is denying the story and tells Us, "It is not even remotely true.”

Jun 13 2007Paris Hilton still getting preferential treatment

Paris Hilton's parents visited Paris in jail for the first time yesterday, and were allowed to skip the line at the Twin Towers Correctional Facility, once again sparking concerns of preferential treatment. One visitor said she had to wait four hours instead of the usual two because of the Hiltons. Another visitor said she was asked to leave the jail's visiting room soon after her husband walked in because of the Hiltons, and was told to return after lunch. Additionally, Paris is being housed in the medical ward, which costs $1,109.78 a day to house a female inmate compared to $99.64 a day in the general population. The AP reports:

Mary Tiedeman, who regularly visits the jails as a monitor for the ACLU, said the area where Hilton was being housed was usually reserved for high-security inmates or those worse off than Hilton has appeared. "I don't know what her health issue is, but you have got to have a pretty intense medical or mental health problem to be in that part of the jail," she said.

Anybody who thought Paris would be treated fairly must be completely out of their mind. Judging by the way she's been treated so far I'm surprised they haven't awarded her the Congressional Medal of Honor and bought her a pony.

Jun 12 2007UPDATE: Britney Spears nipple slip / butt flash

Britney Spears was spotted leaving Winston's in Hollywood with some friends before stopping by Jack In The Box and heading home at 2:30am. And I don't know what you'd call a top like this, but it was barely staying on. But don't get all excited, because it's not even close to a nip slip. It's barely even an areola slip. It's more of a, "Hey, is there a smudge on my camera? Wait, that's Britney Spea-- BLEEAAAGGGGH!"

UPDATE: New pictures show the slip is a bit worse than originally imagined. For my EYES that is. Zing!

UPDATE 2: I don't know how, but she somehow managed to get her dress facing backwards here. It's like some sort of magic act.

UPDATE 3: Added some shots of Britney flashing her ass as she climbs into the back seat of her car after the jump. They're not worth a whole new post so I just threw them on at the end of this one.

Continue Reading "UPDATE: Britney Spears nipple slip / butt flash"

Jun 12 2007Paris Hilton dropped by agent

Paris Hilton has been dropped by her team of agents at the Endeavor Talent Agency because she "just wasn't worth it." A rep for Endeavor confirmed that, "Paris is no longer a client." A source tells Us:

"There was a lot of tension between Paris and her agents for a while. Her legal messes have totally consumed her, and she was always a difficult client. The goal was to make her the Martha Stewart of her generation. It just didn't work out that way."

How did Paris even land a talent agency in the first place? "Look, she can, like, stand around. You need somebody to stand around? We've got your woman." And how were they thinking she's anything like Martha Stewart? Hey, guys, I found an old basketball on the street. Maybe that can be the next Martha Stewart too. How about this bowl of cereal? My sock?

Jun 12 2007Lindsay Lohan getting sued

Lindsay Lohan is being sued for crashing into a parked van in October of 2005. She had left the Ivy in Beverly Hills and was driving her black Mercedes when she hit a vehicle that was making an illegal u-turn. Her car then crashed into the parked van. She claimed she was being chased by paparazzi at the time, but the Sheriff's Department issued a statement saying: "Preliminary investigations have revealed that paparazzi were not a factor in the traffic collision." The owner sent Lohan a letter asking her pay the repair bill, but when she didn't respond he filed a suit in small claims court for $3,624.84.

I don't really understand how Lindsay still has a driver's license. She's been in more accidents than any other human being on earth. You could put me in a car with a blindfold and a cougar and I'd still drive better than she does.

Source

Jun 12 2007Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts are married

Not that anybody cares, but ET is reporting that Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts have gotten married. The two were making their way into the Tony Awards at Radio City Music Hall in New York City Sunday night when Liev allegedly said:

"We are married. You got it first. Break the story!"

This sounds like one of those offhand comments celebrities make to mess with the press. Although that's usually done by celebrities who are actually famous. Naomi could give birth to a talking dinosaur and these two would still be the least interesting couple in Hollywood.

Jun 12 2007Owen Wilson bikes to strip clubs

Need to get to a strip club but don't have a car handy? No problem. Owen Wilson pedaled his mountain bike to Scores West Side where he parked his bike in the check room and then sat down for some lap dances. A source tells Page Six:

"After a few hours, he said he was meeting friends at another club to bring back to Scores and could he leave the bike. They said, 'No problem,' " our spy reports. "It was a fun night for him - Scores, regular clubs, then Scores again. Who needs Kate Hudson?"

Now that's dedication. I've never found myself so desperate for breasts that I'd actually bike to a strip club. Then again I'm lazy. My house could be on fire and I'd have to think twice about leaving the couch. I'm actually posting this in my sleep. Impressed, ladies? I also watch Grey's Anatomy and can do push ups with my tongue.

Jun 12 2007Naomi Campbell laughs about abuse

Naomi Campbell landed the June cover of W magazine and was overheard telling friends she was the first black model to ever do so (which she isn't). She then laughed: "All I had to so was scrub some floors and hit my maid."

Haha, get it? Because she physically abuses people and that's funny. All she had to do was hit her maid! Hilarious! I once pushed an old woman down the stairs because she smelled funny. Then when I started laughing she got all upset. I bet Naomi would've understood. She gets me.

Source

Jun 12 2007Anne Heche loses custody of her son

Anne Heche's estranged husband, Coley Laffoon, has been awarded primary custody of their five-year-old son by a Los Angeles Superior Court judge. Laffoon, a stay at home dad, was asking for $33,000 a month in spousal and child support to maintain the "marital standard of living" to which he had become accustomed but got "far below his original demands." In the court battled he alleged that Heche was insane and that he was the one who created a stable home life for their son. Heche fired back:

... that, yes, Laffoon might spend more time at home than she does, but only because she's out earning a living and home is where he could engage in his favorite hobbies—playing ping-pong, playing poker, checking out online porn and masturbating.

This guy sounds like a tremendous winner. I don't know if you can believe this, but he quit his $6,000-a-year career as a video photographer to raise their son. I mean, wow, he just walked away from all that money. What sacrifice. It takes an extraordinary amount of character to leave that kind of money so you can play ping-pong and masturbate to online porn all day. Abraham Lincoln could really learn something from this guy.

Source

Jun 11 2007Carmen Electra dances for Spike TV's "Guys Choice" Awards

Carmen Electra performed a stage dance with The Pussycat Dolls and The Bombshells during a performance by ZZ Top for Spike TV's first annual "Guys Choice" Awards. And in case you thought Carmen Electra dancing around half-naked on stage didn't quality as news, well, you're wrong. Just thought you'd like to know. And you know what else would qualify as news? Me not completely devastating a woman with my good looks. Hasn't happened yet!

Jun 11 2007Lindsay Lohan makes Pete Doherty look like Jesus

In one of the most ridiculous accounts I've ever read, Lindsay Lohan's ex-bodyguard, Lee Weaver, reveals he quit being Lohan's bodyguard because she was too out of control. He tells the News of the World that Lohan:

ATTACKED a gun-wielding cocaine dealer for ripping her off. SNORTED line after line with Simple Life star Nicole Richie in a TEN-HOUR binge. SLASHED her wrists with knives, sobbing that she "didn't belong on this planet". ENJOYED frenzied lesbian romps with scores of girls she picked up at parties — and even made a play for chart star Mariah Carey.

I don't doubt that Lindsay Lohan is out of control, but this is insane. And by insane I mean 100% totally true. Although he left out the time she got into a fist fight with a homeless person and then ate his brains raw.

Jun 11 2007Paris Hilton afraid to use the bathroom

There's all sorts of wild reports coming in about Paris Hilton's stay in prison. One friend claims the first time she was at the Century Regional Detention Facility "she had to use a sock as a scrunchy because her hair extensions got tangled." Another report (and I hope to God this is true) claims Paris didn't eat or drink for three days because she was afraid a prison guard might take her picture while she was on the toilet. A source tells the NY Daily News:

"She was absolutely terrified that one of the guards or staffers would get her with the cell-phone cam and it would wind up on the Internet," a Hilton insider said yesterday. "She didn't eat or drink a single thing for three days because she didn't want to use the toilet. She was in real danger. She cried the entire time, and that wasn't helping the dehydration."

And this, my friends, is the woman who's tired of pretending to be dumb. I can't even imagine what's going on in that brain of hers. If you x-rayed her head you'd see a kitten pawing at a ball of yarn. She's like a child. By the time she's released she's going to be caught trying to dig her way out with a spoon.

Jun 11 2007Sienna Miller gets dressed with her eyes closed

Sienna Miller showed up to this year’s Isle of Wight festival dressed like some sort of folklore creature. She looks like she should be living under a bridge, jumping out at passersby and threatening to take their first born unless they answer three riddles.

Source

Jun 11 2007Paris Hilton says she used to act dumb

Paris Hilton called Barbara Walters collect Sunday to discuss her state of mind and her experience in prison, saying she used to act dumb but now wants to make a difference in the world. ABC News reports:

"I used to act dumb," she told Walters in the exclusive phone conversation. "That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference. ... God has given me this new chance." Hilton confirmed to Walters just how terrible her initial three days in jail were. It might explain why she cried when she was handcuffed and transported back to jail from her Hollywood home. "I was not eating or sleeping," she said. "I was severely depressed and felt as if I was in a cage. ... It was a horrible experience."

It's going to be funny as hell watching Paris Hilton try to act smart. I think she actually believes she's not an idiot. In every interview she'll probably try to talk about the Middle East, but when she's asked to expand on it she'll panic and end up calling everybody racist names. Then she'll put on some fake glasses and a lab coat and try to work in words like 'molecule.' They won't even be sentences. They'll ask her a question and she'll just say "Molecule" and then nod her head in satisfaction.

Jun 11 2007Paris Hilton won't appeal

Paris Hilton issued the following statement over the weekend saying she wouldn't appeal her sentence:

"Today I told my attorneys not to appeal the judge's decision. While I greatly appreciate the Sheriff's concern for my health and welfare, after meeting with doctors I intend to serve my time as ordered by the judge.

I must also say that I was shocked to see all of the attention devoted to the amount of time I would spend in jail for what I had done by the media, public and city officials. I would hope going forward that the public and the media will focus on more important things, like the men and women serving our country in Iraq, Afghanistan and other places around the world."

Looks like somebody finally told Paris to stop acting like a bitch and try to spin this thing in her favor. Although talking about the Middle East is pushing it a little far. My pet turtle has a better understanding of what's going on over there than she does. Her original draft probably included references to Lord Voldemort and the horrible situation at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.