May 10 2007Jennifer Lopez scared for her life
Jennifer Lopez has allegedly increased security because an animal-rights activist has been sending her letters threatening "'to kill her in public, just like the slaughtered animals whose fur she wears."
The source says J.Lo initially dismissed the notes, which have been arriving for a month, as lunatic junk mail. But husband Marc Anthony isn't taking the matter lightly. "He has hired two off-duty police officers, in addition to her usual security team, to watch over Lopez whenever she makes public appearances," says the pal.
What if this guy showed up one day wearing a J.Lo outfit? And I don't mean some outfit designed by her, I mean an actual dead Jennifer Lopez turned into an outfit. I think that'd be pretty ironic. Like the time I saved the President's life by having sex with a gang of hot cheerleader assassins until they died from exhaustion. I'm not actually sure what 'ironic' means, I just wanted to tell that story. That true story, I might add.
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Reader Comments
1. LolitochkaBC - May 10, 2007 8:12 AM
Ааану-ка ребятки голосуеп!!
Признавайтесь проказники и владельцы сатйа www.thesuperficial.com ))))
ЧТО вы бцдете делать этим летом?!
2. Fifth Stooge - May 10, 2007 8:14 AM
Shit happens, then you die.
3. Wow Just Wow - May 10, 2007 8:15 AM
Who cares about Jblow?
check out this awesome sculpture of Paris by the artist who did Britney giving birth! LOL
Paris Hilton sculpture shows heiress in deadly pose-
http://www.reuters.com/article/entertainmentNews/idUSN0936508120070509?src=051007_0824_ARTICLE_PROMO_also_on_reuters
4. Fifth Stooge - May 10, 2007 8:16 AM
That Russian fucker beat me to number one.
Oh well, we beat them to the moon.
Take that comrade.
5. N!k! - May 10, 2007 8:17 AM
That sux! But what really sux is that you readers are crazy!!! One of you copy and pasted my URL from myspace and are leaving comments with it. NICE!
6. LadyJane - May 10, 2007 8:18 AM
That. Is. Awesome.
7. Phazon - May 10, 2007 8:19 AM
She won't be missed.
8. Poroleishon - May 10, 2007 8:19 AM
Mmmmm I think it sucks that people kill animals for their fur, but still... she´s not the one killing the animals, I wouldn´t kill her, just the usual you know... throwing paint at her fur coat and totally ruining it.
That would be awesome.
9. N!k! - May 10, 2007 8:20 AM
Um Excuse me Mister #4 do you win something by being First? Cus everybody claims that shit and its lame!
10. YouRang - May 10, 2007 8:22 AM
If I only had a dollar for every time I fucked a gang of cheerleaders to death. The gas powered dildo gets um every time.
11. Poroleishon - May 10, 2007 8:25 AM
#1... What does he said anyway? :-/
12. BarbadoSlim - May 10, 2007 8:27 AM
Hope they skin her alive.
I mean, her ass alone has enough leather for the interiors of next years entire run Cadillac Escalades..... and a couch.
She should appreciate the irony of that.
13. Phazon - May 10, 2007 8:28 AM
Offtopic: Check out this article on Digg.
"Paris Hilton is too beautiful for jail, says Paris Hilton."
http://digg.com/celebrity/Paris_Hilton_Is_Too_Beautiful_For_Jail_Says_Paris_Hilton
14. Captain America - May 10, 2007 8:29 AM
J-Lo is an animal, so why wear fur? Isn't there some law of the jungle you know like, bash in another creatures skull with a rock & eat their brains is totally cool but wearing their hide crosses the line? Something like that? I need to brush up on my Doctor Doolittle.
15. Phazon - May 10, 2007 8:30 AM
oops. Here it is again
http://digg.com/celebrity/Paris_Hilton_Is_Too_Beautiful_For_Jail_Says
_Paris_Hilton
16. p0nk - May 10, 2007 8:32 AM
She pissed off all the animal-rights fanatics when she married that roadkill.
17. Poroleishon - May 10, 2007 8:32 AM
@#14 - WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
18. wedge1 - May 10, 2007 8:35 AM
It must have been quite a moment when Marc Anthony walked into the plastic surgeon's office and said "I want my eyes to look like 2 anuses!"
19. YouRang - May 10, 2007 8:40 AM
#18 Fucking Hilarious!
20. The Squizz - May 10, 2007 8:41 AM
JLo smells like piss.
21. CNN - May 10, 2007 8:43 AM
"Today Jennifer Lopez was stabbed in the ass 27 times by an animal rights extremist. Lopez failed to notice the attack. She was taken to the hospital only when her husband Marc Anthony was observed frantically moving his mouth from puncture to puncture."
22. gaygaygaygaygay - May 10, 2007 8:45 AM
Fucking insane eco-terrorist PETArds.
23. Poroleishon - May 10, 2007 8:45 AM
eeewww....
24. lambman - May 10, 2007 8:51 AM
Oh animal rights activists....lol
I wish other activists would be that insane, like Rosie O'Donnel would threaten to eat Bush if he didn't legalize gay marriage. And since she's COULD do it in one bite he caves in, until somebody explains what she meant by bush.
25. jrzmommy♠ - May 10, 2007 8:56 AM
I just loved the warped reasoning of animal rights activists....they're right up there with Abortion Clinic Bombers.
26. tits_on_snack - May 10, 2007 8:56 AM
J-Ho sucks and all, but fucking animal rights activists are looney toons and need to be wiped off the planet already. The president of PETA said nobody should even own pets, because it's animal enslavement.
The Animal Liberation Front fucking sends letters to little kids in the mail, telling them that they're going to kill their parents for allowing medical testing on lab rats. They stalk families involved in medical practice, and then leave them messages detailing their events of the day and how they watched them take their kids to school, drive to the 7-eleven, etc. They bomb people's cars, offices.
My favourite was when they let a bunch of pigs loose from a farm in the UK - half the pigs ran out into the roads and got ran over, and the other half ran right back into the barn.
27. tinyTy - May 10, 2007 8:58 AM
"JLo smells like piss" I'm thinking it's Marc Anthony zombie jizz
28. Jimbo ∞ - May 10, 2007 8:58 AM
@1 I completely agree with you. This is such a boring ass story. who gives a shit! Who cares? Fuck Jlo and her ass eyed husband the little puny fuck!! And who gives a shit about Peta! I think I will go out and buy a big ass fur coat and wear it to the next Peta meeting. Fuck them too!!!
29. BarbadoSlim - May 10, 2007 9:09 AM
@25 & 26 as much as I get where you're coming from, I just can't find fault with any reasoning that allows for J-ho getting splattered all over some sidewalk.
30. The Squizz - May 10, 2007 9:14 AM
PETA chicks don't give head. Something about putting meat in their mouth.
31. metaphor - May 10, 2007 9:15 AM
#1 Is that how you say first in Russian?
32. dumbphuck - May 10, 2007 9:16 AM
#18 was fucking LOL
33. jrzmommy♠ - May 10, 2007 9:16 AM
Slim....no doubt about it....but on a scale of 1 to Hate, PETA is at Abhor. JLO is at about Incredibly Irritated By
34. MrSemprini - May 10, 2007 9:19 AM
This is a great opportunity to make Bodyguard 2 with J-Lo and also starring John Ratzenberg as a tough-as-nails cop that she fall is love with after he drugs her with Rohypnol. And, shoots her husband. With a crossbow. A magic crossbow of Marc Anthony Slaying. And, he's my father.
True story...
35. kamihi - May 10, 2007 9:25 AM
I hate this fake fur wearing bitch Oooh what pure justice if she was killed by an animal rights activist, I would be having a few to celebrate that for sure. BITCH.
36. metaphor - May 10, 2007 9:26 AM
Animal rights are one thing but I think she should die for her movies alone. They are a crime against humanity.
37. kamihi - May 10, 2007 9:27 AM
I mean fake and fur wearing not fake fur wearing cos obviously I would love her then. ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVISM RULES target those bastards and pick them off one by one - I am all for it.
38. FRIST!!! - May 10, 2007 9:34 AM
OMG, I must've taken too many percocets this morning...I can't read what #1 said!!! What's wrong with my eyes??!!!???
39. tinyTy - May 10, 2007 9:51 AM
Did anyone else see that news story about the vegans that malnourished their 6 weeks old baby to death? It was 3.5 pounds. They gave it soy milk and apple juice. You know they Peta members.
40. Victor - May 10, 2007 9:53 AM
Jennifer can come here live with me and I would take total care of her. I would beat the monkey looking man of hers with my dick, then give the final knock out with my ball sack.
41. FRIST!!! - May 10, 2007 10:20 AM
#40, are you really Cisco Adler??? Come on, admit it
42. YouRang - May 10, 2007 10:38 AM
I think #40 might be the Todd from Scrubs, only more depraved and a case of Tourette's.
43. arden - May 10, 2007 10:40 AM
She looks gorgeous, but she doesn't look that happy anymore. And . . . are the sleeves on her dress badly unbalanced?
44. FRIST!!! - May 10, 2007 11:55 AM
What does she see in that guy??!!?? He's freaking HIDEOUS!!! He looks like some kind of alien vampire zombie.
45. Pikachelsea - May 10, 2007 12:18 PM
PETA is the ultimate hypocritical organization. Yeah, let's save animals by... threatening the welfare of human beings, which are also animals! PETA sucks because they shove all these cute cuddly images of puppies in your face and get the sympathy vote from overweight moms with 40 cats, when in reality they want to ban zoos, circuses, the entire meat industry, pets, and even GUIDE DOGS. There is no logic involved in anything they do. Freaking self-righteous goons are probably a bunch of furries. Go get humped by a horse and die already.
46. KoRneY - May 10, 2007 1:00 PM
He looks like a mexican zombie.
47. MrSemprini - May 10, 2007 1:04 PM
#34, you are the SNOOBS, man!
48. SCOTLAND - May 10, 2007 1:10 PM
Her times up no one cares about her anymore.
shes a twat.
49. Jafoo - May 10, 2007 1:30 PM
Finally an animal rights protest I can totally get behind.
50. Lowlands - May 10, 2007 2:41 PM
Maybe this activist doesn't know the Bonobo next to her is in fact Mark Anthony?
51. middleagedninjaturtle - May 10, 2007 4:27 PM
OOOh...Jloca...It seems like she goes out of her way to offend ppl but death threats? I mean, why go to jail for life for shanking HER?
Please...see: Lohan, Hilton, etc.
In the meantime, this poll on this crap amuses me. Ha. http://www.sodahead.com/poll/2613/?link=Jfur
52. justpassingthru - May 10, 2007 6:27 PM
Liberals threatening someone? Next, they'll start rioting and burning cars, smashing storefronts, etc! Wait...they've ALWAYS done that.
I like when those really smart PETA folks freed all of those pigs a few years ago and half got whacked by cars on the highway! What brilliance!
53. crazyotto - May 10, 2007 8:31 PM
is that Gomez and Mortitia?
54. krazihottkelli - May 10, 2007 8:39 PM
This is great, my prayerz r answered
no one do I hate more than her
that X=husband of herz lookz like
he came from the underworld
u know miaz world
he definately could be a vampire..
55. frenchie - May 10, 2007 9:18 PM
What???
56. frenchie - May 10, 2007 9:20 PM
Is it me or does Mark Anthony need to introduce some under eye concealer to his every day regiment?
57. krazihottkelli - May 11, 2007 6:09 AM
maybe if she knew how it felt to be killed for a coat, she might be more sensative to animalz.
58. K - May 16, 2007 4:40 AM
Marc should hire Creasy Bear !
59. Claire - May 17, 2007 12:26 AM
By buying the fur she supports the fur trade and encourages them to skin animals alive. She is fur scum, both her and her fat ass. Her ass alone needs a passport! She is an evil woman who doesn't deserve the life of luxury.
60. trolaay - June 2, 2007 11:23 AM
eeewww....love sure is blind
61. janie - July 17, 2007 8:08 PM
PLEASE LET PETA TAKE HER FAT ASS OUT, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!
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63. Lynn - November 3, 2007 4:36 PM
I think jlo schould be killed,cause she gives a fuck on any life on this world.Why scould the world care about her?i hate this furmonster like nothing.This song jenny from the block....they schould kick her fat ass back where she comes from.
64. Slaughter the bitch! - November 10, 2007 5:06 PM
Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch! Slaughter the bitch!
Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive! Skin her alive!
Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire! Douse her with gasoline and set her on fire!
65. Destiny. - July 14, 2008 4:10 PM
number 64 you are deeply deeply perturbed. U.U
remember: KARMA.
what goes around- comes around.
wish death to someone, and death itself will come to you loved ones.