Jun 1 2007Avril Lavigne loves the paparazzi
The always pleasant Avril Lavgine was spotted leaving the Roosevelt Hotel giving paparazzi the finger. Man, what a lady. I read somewhere they were going to ask her to write the Miss Manners column, but were afraid everybody would get discouraged when nobody could live up to the example she'd set. I believe their exact words were, "Her manners! They're too mannerly! She's too mannerful!" And then they just repeatedly screamed "manners" for three hours straight. I dunno, I guess that's what they do in the newspaper business.
Jun 1 2007Nicole Richie shouldn't still have her license
Even though Nicole Richie has the same DUI charge as Paris Hilton and a record as a repeat offender, she still has her driver's license and nobody seems to know why. TMZ reports:
Paris was busted September 7, 2006 -- and around 5 months later, she had already lost her driving privileges and was later arrested for violating her probation for driving on the suspended license. Richie was busted for DUI on December 11, 2006 -- and almost 6 months later, she is not only still driving ... but the California DMV hasn't even begun to take action against her ... [A rep for the California DMV] said: "I have no idea why Nicole still has her license."
What the hell are they talking about? So now all of a sudden taking drugs and driving on the wrong side of a freeway is grounds for losing your license? Last I checked this was America, not Nazi Germany. Next you'll tell me I shouldn't steer with my feet, or cover my face with both hands when switching lanes.
UPDATE: Turns out the DMV only has a mandatory license suspension when alcohol is involved, and Nicole Richie only smoked pot and took Vicodin. Take that legal system!
Jun 1 2007Jessica Simpson has seen better days
Jessica Simpson was spotted at a pharmacy in LA looking like she just wandered in off the street. You can't always look your best all the time, but you should never look like this. I've seen homeless people who looked more put together. Hell, I've seen piles of garbage that looked more presentable. And I have no idea why, but this picture cracks me up. She looks like she stole her pants from some big fat guy named Carl.
Jun 1 2007Lindsay Lohan anti-drunk driving PSA
This is an anti-drunk driving public service announcement Lindsay Lohan filmed two years ago with A Simple Plan, before getting arrested for a DUI and checking into rehab. Oh, the irony. She basically laughs her way through, which is to be expected. It'd be like Godzilla filming an anti-shooting beams out of your mouth and fighting giant moth creatures PSA. You can't expect him to do that with a straight face.
And because Lindsay really knows how to make good decisions, her lawyer says her 21st birthday bash in Vegas is still on. He tells BWE: “Just because you’re sober doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have fun. Part of sobriety is that you can go out into normal society and just go out. Who say’s you can’t move your boot on the dance floor?”
Jun 1 2007Paris Hilton prepares for prison, rape

Paris Hilton has ordered a hair and makeup team to meet her at her home 9 AM Monday so she can get done up and look her best for the media when she walks into prison. A friend tells Rush & Molloy:
"The timing is to make sure she makes all the celebrity weeklies. Paris is a genius at marketing herself. She managed to turn having a sex tape to her benefit, and she's going to do the same out of going to prison. It's not just about marketing, it's about making money. If she can set up her entry into jail in a very grand way, the payoff will be greater ... Paris doesn't do contrite very well. She will be glam, and Paris is the queen of the prop. Expect her hair pulled back in a ponytail, big sunglasses and maybe a Holy Bible under one arm. And she just got a new kitten, so maybe she'll hand that to her sister [Nicky] as she gets out of the car. There might even be tears."
Paris has also decided to write a prison diary during her 23-day sentence, in hopes of publishing it upon release.
"Paris' prison diary will make a more dramatic read than Martha Stewart's. If she can make it believable, and not exaggerate too much, she might expect to make a million dollars out of it."
You know, maybe getting all done up before entering a prison filled with lonely inmates might not be the best idea. After the mustached creatures they're used to seeing, Paris is going to look like a lobster stuffed with filet mignon. And I don't know if she'll be able to find a publisher for her diary. There's not a very large market these days for books filled with 23 pages of frowny faces.
Jun 1 2007Paula Abdul is very hurt

In a statement regarding yesterday's leaked telephone conversation, Paula Abdul tells TMZ:
"I am deeply hurt and extremely disappointed that someone has taken a private telephone conversation that I had with my representatives and released it to the media. This is not only illegal but also highly unethical. While I don't feel a need to justify or explain my conversation, even as a public figure I do feel my privacy has been violated and find this action to be unacceptable."
I agree that sometimes the public can go too far. Just the other day somebody broke into my home and stole all the trophies I won for being the world's greatest lover. So, you know, if you come over that's probably why you won't find them anywhere.
May 31 2007Paris Hilton still living life
Paris Hilton heads off to jail in less than five days, but that hasn't stopped her from hooking up with new guys and finding work. She was spotted at The Grove shopping center in LA with a new boy toy who refused to give his name when asked for it by the paparazzi. Additionally, she was seen coming home carrying a new script and looking absolutely delighted. This is just disturbingly optimistic. The first time I was sent to jail I wasn't making new boyfriends and reading scripts. No, I was getting stopped at the border while trying to cross into Mexico.
May 31 2007Lindsay Lohan addicted to OxyContin

Lindsay Lohan's dad, Michael Lohan, is claiming that Lindsay is being treated for the powerful painkiller OxyContin in addition to her drug and alcohol addiction. He tells E!:
"I spoke to the people treating Lindsay, because I wanted to make sure she was getting the right care. And I'm satisfied they are doing the right thing for her, helping her detox from the painkillers and things. That's a very important step. And I learned they use the 12-step program which includes a lot of lessons based on God's teachings, so I was satisfied with that. First she needs to get clean, then she needs to let God into her life."
Keep in mind this guy was also just released from jail and is estranged from his daughter. The guy who works at Starbucks and saw Lindsay Lohan from across the street one time probably has a closer relationship with her than this guy.
May 31 2007Pax Thien Jolie becomes a Pitt

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's newest adopted child, 3-year-old Pax Thien Jolie, was officially renamed Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt today in a Los Angeles County Superior Court. Keep in mind this kid's original name was Pham Quang Sang. So, yeah, it makes sense that now his name is Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt. It's practically the same word. Only completely different and not the same at all.
May 31 2007Jessica Alba hates the paparazzi
It's basically assumed for all celebrities, but Jessica Alba says she hates the paparazzi. She tells Parade magazine: “I could give two shits about them. They’re so lame, I can’t even believe that’s a real job. I can’t imagine they even pay taxes.”
How ironic. I usually hate the paparazzi too, except when they're bringing me pictures of Jessica Alba. When they're bringing me pictures of Jessica Alba I want to lift them on a pedestal and sacrifice small animals to them. And maybe brush their hair as I hand-feed them grapes. You know, regular stuff. Healthy stuff.
May 31 2007Lindsay Lohan might lose birthday sponsors
Lindsay Lohan checking into the Promises rehab facility could cost her hundreds of thousands of dollars in sponsorships for her upcoming 21st birthday party. Svedka vodka has already backed out, and now other prospective partners (including Caesars Palace, the Social House restaurant at Treasure Island, and Pure nightclub) are considering backing out too because of stricter underage drinking rules in Vegas. An insider tells Gatecrasher:
"Rules are much stricter in Vegas than in New York or L.A. because we have casino gaming [licenses]. When Ashlee Simpson did her 21st at Pure, they had to keep her on the red carpet literally until 12:01 a.m. on the day of her birthday."
Lindsay's currently in a 30-day rehab program which will discharge her less than a week before her two-day birthday party in Vegas. It'd be like Rosie O'Donnell fasting for a month and then being let loose in a buffet. Or a farm. Or an elementary school. Basically anywhere she can find something to fit into her mouth.
May 31 2007Paula Abdul has a meltdown

Paula Abdul was captured having a meltdown during a recent conference call with a group of publicists this week. She says on the tape:
"I've never been treated this way and I've never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach. I've been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time. I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on 'American Idol.' Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I'm being told by Howard Bragman that I'm too old and no one will ever want to do a cover. I'm being tested. All I've ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I've never in my entire career been treated this way. The people who are supposed to take care of these things do not. I have to clean up after them everywhere they go. And I'm tired of it. Howard Bragman on Monday - he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel with no publicist there. [Abdul appeared on Kimmel's show on May 15.] I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man ... I don't understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I've never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser."
Remember last week when she allegedly broke her nose after tripping over her Chihuahua? Turns out she lied, and she actually cut it when she threw a glass against the wall and it shattered. So, yeah, if you couldn't already tell from just looking at her, there's something very wrong with her mind. I give it a week before she can't even walk straight, and starts stumbling around mumbling incoherently, unable to focus her eyes. And by a week I mean two years ago.
May 30 2007Celine Dion has a masculine son

Celine Dion posed on the cover of Hello magazine with her six-year-old son, Rene Charles. Wait, son? That must be a typo. A horrible confusing typo.
May 30 2007David Hyde Pierce comes out

David Hyde Pierce (the guy who played Niles on Frasier) has officially come out of the closet after an AP story appeared on CNN saying: "Pierce got to Los Angeles in the early 1990s when his partner, actor-writer-producer Brian Hargrove, wanted to write for television." Pierce's sexuality has always been an open secret in Hollywood although he's never formally come out. AfterElton.com contacted a rep for Pierce about the AP story, and they confirmed that Hargrove is indeed Pierce's life partner.
Well this is just shocking shocking news. If you told me he wrestled bears all day and won a tree chopping competition then, yeah, that makes sense. But gay? No, no, that just doesn't sound right at all.
May 30 2007Paris Hilton getting special treatment in jail
Paris Hilton's cell mate was hand-picked and it's an inmate currently doing time for reckless driving. Additionally, the jailers have put together a special protocol for Paris' stay, detailing how things should be done for her. TMZ reports:
Jailers were looking for someone who they believe will not try to cash in on Hilton's stay. The woman is already in the cell that Paris will be in ... jailers are already conducting searches of anything electronic -- they are prohibiting cameras, cellphones and the like ... a memo has gone out to the staff, warning them that anyone who takes pictures of Paris will be disciplined -- i.e., fired ... a "written protocol" has already been prepared especially for Paris' stay, detailing "when and how things should be done for her."
They wrote up a special protocol for me when I was in jail too, but that was basically for the safety of everybody else. When God gives you lethal killing machines for fists, it's only natural that other people are a little nervous around you. And also that you fight for justice and say things like "Head's up" as you punch off somebody's head.
May 30 2007Britney Spears vomits uncontrollably
Yesterday, Britney Spears posted a message to her fans blaming everybody else for her problems and saying she didn't need to go to rehab because she didn't have an alcohol problem. But just two nights before on Sunday, she allegedly partied so hard at the Mondrian Hotel's Sky Bar she had to be carried out of the men's restroom where she was found vomiting uncontrollably and unable to walk. The Sun reports:
She was overheard telling hotel staff: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Things aren’t going well for me at the moment.” The troubled pop princess, who spent a month in rehab earlier this year, was then carried out of the bar sobbing and covered in sick.
A source adds:
“Britney was found slumped over the toilet bowl with make-up smeared over her face and her wig hanging off. She had a room booked at the hotel but was too ill to stay and was begging her bodyguard to take her home. She looked a real mess and was sitting on the floor with her head over the bowl throwing up. There was vomit down the front of her black dress and around her mouth. Britney was on her knees and must have been sick four or five times. She didn’t really seem with it, but I don’t know if she was drunk or not.” The mother-of-two then had to be helped out of the hotel because she couldn’t stand up by herself.
Notice the hat and ring? That's a good role model for her kids right there. They'd probably be better off if she just tied them to a donkey and left them in the woods. Hell, they'd receive better parenting from the inside of an oven. That was on. And filled with bees.
May 30 2007Calum Best enjoys hookers, cocaine
Turns out Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend Calum Best is every bit the winner you thought he was. Last Wednesday he was taped snorting cocaine in a London hotel room with two hookers he had hired. The Sun reports:
The TV Love Island hunk was videoed during a frenzy of drug-fuelled depravity lasting three hours. Sex toys and a cat-o’-nine-tails whip were used as he: SNORTED lines of cocaine off a glass table while the naked vice girls looked on.LICKED the Class A drug off one hooker’s body and let both women pleasure him at once — before romping with each in turn. SHOUTED at one of them to “take a f*****g line” as drugs were laid out ... Then he dropped his pants as the girls — who used a rolled-up banknote to snort coke off a glass table — simultaneously pleasured him. Calum necked vodka and wine as he switched partners or romped with both. Gripped by lust he used his mobile phone to film a girl pleasuring him — just as he did with MICK JAGGER’s daughter JADE. After nearly three hours the girls asked a complaining Calum to leave — only for him to demand they should “learn some manners”.
If a love of cocaine is as good a foundation for a relationship as I think it is, then these two are destined to be together forever. Seriously though, Lindsay Lohan couldn't pick a worse guy even if she tried. She could ask out a pirate trying to stab her and he'd make a better boyfriend.
May 30 2007Nicole Richie's Memorial Day Party invitation

If you ever wondered how a proper party invitation should look, look no further. Nicole Richie sent the following email invitation for a Memorial Day party she co-hosted Sunday night.
From: Nicole RichieSubject: Masha and Nicole's Memorial Day Party
My fellow Americans its that time of year
To celebrate our country by drinking massive amounts of beer
Let's stand together as one, live the American dream
Take shots, pass out, & wake up with our pants ripped open at the seems
Let's glorify this day in your sluttiest tops and your tightest pair of tsubi jeans
Even though we have no fucking clue what Memorial Day really means!!There will be a scale at the front door. No girls over 100 pounds allowed in. Start starving yourself now. See you all then!!!
This is the same party Mischa Barton attended where she mixed her drugs and alcohol and, according to an insider, "was rolling around on the ground... and then suddenly she began screaming that she was dying." She then passed out and was taken to Sherman Oaks Hospital. So yeah, basically the classiest party ever thrown. I'm surprised the Monopoly Man didn't attend.
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May 30 2007Kevin Federline and Wilmer Valderrama hook up

Wilmer Valderrama and Kevin Federline were spotted partying together in Las Vegas over the weekend, and the two hit it off so well K-Fed invited Fez to collaborate with him on his next album. The NY Daily News reports:
The new BFFs "chilled out together and insisted on rapping along to every song played ... K-Fed invited Wilmer to be involved with his next album." Britney's baby-daddy even had a nifty new trick to foil the paparazzi at Heineken's Thirst Studio Global Sessions. "He had a little flashlight he would shine in cameras so they couldn't get any shots."
This might be the greatest partnership since peanut better and jelly. Assuming, of course, that peanut butter and jelly were douchebags with no careers. I guess they could, like, hold meetings and discuss their goatees. Maybe braid each other's hair and have pillow fights? And at the end of the day they can fall asleep in each other's arms while reminiscing about better times, trying to be brave for each other as a single tear rolls down their cheek.
May 29 2007Shanna Moakler feels no pity
Shanna Moakler wrote a post on her MySpace yesterday taking a jab at Lindsay Lohan and then going into an attack on Paris Hilton. She writes:
HERES A TIP....When you making 8 million dollars a film.....HIRE A DRIVER!!
I've been getting a lot of letters asking my thoughts on recent events, so here it goes.... I know a lot of people think karma is going around and yeah I guess it might be, but to me..this is far from karma, if anything people like Paris love this shit, walking out of a court house to be met by a bevy of paparzzi like princess diana...carrying the bible around...loves it! Karma will be the day she's married and has kids and her husband goes and fucks a 22 yr old and knocks her up. I don't find happiness in others when they are down, but I sure in hell don't feel bad for people who play the victim constantly and are far from it. People who feel it's their job to make people feel beneath them or take opportunities others would die for an shit on them and frankly make a mockery of. So as the penis posse goes down one by one and enters jail or rehab...I don't really think anything of it...they just show me what I always knew and thought they were _________. ( you can fill in the blank)
I hope you are all well and as always thanks for your letters,
shannaB.xoxo
And this is Lindsay Lohan's reponse on her alleged MySpace, which I'm not actually convinced is hers:
starkittenim going to keep this simple and brief, like her career
for someone who "doesn't really think anything of it" sure had a mouth load to say. don't blame "young hollywood" for your FUCKED UP relationships you old haggard. maybe if you fixed yourself up a little bit, you wouldnt be so jealous of others. you know, a nice face/breast lift, lost a couple pounds (40), got rid of the paris haircut, and found yourself a decent looking boytoy you wouldn't be so depressed and feel the need to comment on other peoples lifes that you dont know.
p.s. your kids are ugly.
Just in case you had any doubt that Hollywood is just slightly less mature than junior high. They might as well be accusing each other of having cooties here. And then one of them would be all, "Oh no you did not just brought it." And then the other would be like, "Oh yes I did just broughted it." And then they'd make a movie about it and it'd be awesome. Word.
May 29 2007Britney Spears wets herself
Britney Spears was spotted in Bel Air over the weekend wearing what I hope was a wet bikini under her clothes. Either that or she started lactating while simultaneously peeing herself. And sure, why not? It'd still be the most normal thing she's done in the past three months. The most normal thing I've done in the past three months? Dress up as Salvador Dali and get into a fist fight with an employee at Hot Dog On A Stick. You don't even want to know what my weird days are like.
May 29 2007Lindsay Lohan heading back to back in rehab
Lindsay Lohan is reportedly heading back to rehab after she crashed her car over the weekend and was photographed two nights later (above) completely trashed in the passenger seat of a car being driven by her friend Samantha Ronson. The NY Daily News reports:
"She finally realizes it's the right thing to do," In Touch quoted a friend of the actress as saying. "She is going willingly." The pair had just left a Memorial Day pool party at Teddy's at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood when a paparazzo caught up to them at a gas station around 4a.m. yesterday ... Ronson tried in vain to rouse her sleeping pal, who wore a gray hoodie but no seatbelt, when she realized a photographer was snapping away ... Ironically, the photos show a medallion dangling in front of the slumbering star from the rear-view mirror. It reads "30 Days" - a reference to the number of days of sobriety. One particularly shocking photo shows Lohan out of the car and on her knees, being watched over by two unidentified men as she seems to vomit on the sidewalk. Another shot shows what appears to be an inch-long fresh cut on the back of her left hand. It was unclear how or when she got the injury.
In Touch claims Lindsay checked into the Promises rehab facility yesterday afternoon, which sounds sketchy at best. I'm not saying their reporting isn't reliable, but they once claimed that I totally made out with Jessica Alba. Which actually turns out to be true, but, wait, where was I going with this again?
UPDATE: It's been confirmed, Lindsay Lohan was escorted by her lawyer and checked into the Promises rehab facility yesterday.
May 29 2007Britney Spears writes a really long message to her fans

Britney Spears has written another message to her fans on her official site, except this one is 80 pages long and I believe has an appendix. She writes:
Dear Fans,I just wanted to reach out to all of you and explain some of the things that I have been faced with recently.
It's so funny how many stories are put out there about people. It's like we all want our side of the story out there as well, but at the end of the day only a few people care to hear what is really going on since the bad is always so much more interesting than the truth. I don't know why, but this is so weird to me. I used to be angry at the tabloids for printing horrible things about me, but now I try to just be numb to what I see. I saw Tyra Banks once get really upset and cry on her show because they made her look fat. We all want a certain image of ourselves out there, and at some point we all do really care what other people think or we wouldn't be here.
Recently, I was sent to a very humbling place called rehab. I truly hit rock bottom. Till this day I don't think that it was alcohol or depression. I was like a bad kid running around with ADD. I had a manager from a long time ago come in and try to direct me and my life after I got my divorce. I was so overwhelmed I think that I was in a little shock too. I didn't know who to go to. I realized how much energy and love I had put into my past relationship when it was gone because I genuinely did not know what to do with myself, and it made me so sad. I confess, I was so lost.
This letter is to not place blame on anyone, although I do see the world with a completely different set of eyes now. Being in that vulnerable state and taken to dinners and parties with friends and finding out later you paid for everything was a huge learning lesson for me. I think the whole problem was letting too many people into my life. You never know another persons intentions or what another person wants. I feel I was too open and looking for answers when I had it all to begin with. I have had to cut so many people out of my life. It is so sad, because if anyone is a family person...it is me. When I was little I remember every night watching movies with my family and feeling so at peace. Dancing and singing all the time just like a little girl should. Now recently I find with my children that I want them to have that feeling all of the time. I am having to face a lot of things right now since I have children of my own. A lot of insecurities from when I was little are coming up again. It is like we are never good enough.
I know everyone thinks that I am playing the victim, but I am not and I hate what is going on right now so much. Maybe this is the reason for this letter...to maybe allow people to look at me differently. It is like when you are a real woman and say what you feel and how you think things are supposed to be, that people just say you are a "bitch."
I feel like some of the people in my life made more of some issues than was necessary. I also feel like they knew I was beginning to use my brain for a change and cut some ties, so they wanted to be in more control of my life than me. I think it is actually normal for a young girl to go out after a huge divorce. I think it was a bigger issue because I had not gone out in such a long time. I am 25 and I do still have a lot to learn, and I am going to make mistakes everyday, and I am sure every mistake I make will probably be on CNN or Good Morning America. I am only human people and I love you for still loving me.
I am sitting here at home and it is 6:25 and both of my sons are asleep. I am truly blessed to have them in my life. Everyday is so surreal. Life in general is so surreal and crazy.
I just hope this letter made some of you think a little bit more of me and where I am coming from. I just want the same things in life that you want...and that is to be happy. It is just so weird because everyone has their own perception of me and how they think I really am. It is so weird how stories are told. There is your side, my side, and the truth. Somebody has to figure it out. I guess we will never really understand or figure out life completely. That's God's job. I can't wait to meet him...or her.Love, Britney
Quote of the month...
It is ok to disagree with people regarding certain issues. Youre not being true to yourself if you succumb to others opinions because you feel guilty.
She says she doesn't want to blame anybody and then goes on to blame like three or four or eight different people. And I might even feel sorry for her, except that it's tough to forget about stuff like this or this or this or this. In the words of Batman: "It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you." And me? Well this morning I saved an orphanage from burning down and then nursed a sick kitten back to health. I'm just saying.
May 29 2007Miss USA eats it
20-year-old Miss Japan ended up winning the 2007 Miss Universe pageant yesterday night, although Miss USA Rachel Smith totally should've won it. No, wait, did I say win? I meant place last. Because she definitely should've placed last (she got fourth runner-up). She slipped and fell during the evening gown portion and, well, that's kind of a big deal when you're in a competition where the only judging criteria are how you look in a bikini and your ability to walk.
Check out the video of Miss USA eating it after the jump.
May 29 2007Mischa Barton hospitalized
Mischa Barton was rushed to the hospital last night after suffering an adverse reaction to medication while at a friend's Memorial Day BBQ. She began feeling sick after downing some cocktails which reacted with antibiotics she had been taking to treat bronchitis. TMZ reports:
The 21-year-old celeb was rushed to an undisclosed medical facility in Los Angeles, where we are told she is "resting comfortably" ... the starlet is with family and "feeling much better."
I learned not to mix alcohol with medication in the second grade. Although to be fair to Mischa, I also designed a car that runs entirely on water when I was in kindergarten, and graduated from Harvard when I was twelve.
And here's Mischa Barton and Nicole Richie loading up on groceries right before that fateful Memorial Day BBQ. Judging by the events of the BBQ (and my x-ray glasses) the bags are filled with vodka, cigarettes, and maybe some coloring books. You know, for mental stimulation.
May 29 2007Lindsay Lohan crashes car, arrested for DUI and cocaine

In case you went on vacation over Memorial Day weekend like I did and missed it, Lindsay Lohan was arrested in Beverly Hills and charged with a misdemeanor DUI early Saturday morning after she crashed her 2005 Mercedes SL-65 convertible into a curb and some trees at 5:30 AM and then fled the scene. She was cited and then released because she has been admitted to a local hospital for minor injuries to her upper chest. Additionally, police found a "usable amount" of cocaine in her car which she could face additional charges for. The AP reports.
At the press conference Lt. McCann said: "A usable amount of an illegal narcotic tentatively identified as cocaine was recovered and booked. She was charged with a misdemeanor. There is a potential for additional charges." Her tentative arraignment date is Aug. 24.
I'm not entirely sure how she isn't in jail right now. Considering her driving and substance abuse record, the police could shoot her in the head and it'd be totally legal. It might even be written into the Constitution somewhere. I think near the bottom.
NOTE: Sorry it took so long to get this up. The moral of the story is: never ever go on vacation. At least not while retarded young girls are still considered celebrities. You never know what kind of insanity you'll miss.
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