Mar 30 2007Paris Hilton violates probation, faces jail time

FROST!!! shit! i meant FRIST!!!

It would be awesome if she got in front of a judge that wanted to make an example out of her.

The night vision prison porn would be fantastic!

Man, if only the bitch could be sentenced to Death Row for spreading that deadly bird flu.

Um, she should totally go to jail for this....and it is VERY likely that she will...though not for the max sentence.

If you have a DUI, and get your license suspended, and then drive, violating your parol that means that any time that was stayed from your sentence will now go into effect and you have to serve it.

Forget about it, EVEN IF SHE DID GO TO JAIL... she would totally pay her way out after 15 seconds of being held.... but, it´s always good to dream ;)

*sigh* will they send her to men's or women's correctional facility?

Is she ever *NOT* on the phone? How glamorous.

Well, if she could pay her way out out...wouldn't it be a smart idea to set the bail ABOVE $2.00?

In the 5th picture: She's trying to unlock the door with her cell phone. tee hee.

Who the hell is that scary looking troll in the background? (1st pic) He looks sadistic.

I would love it if she got raped by some big bull dyke in jail.

GET YOUR LAZY EYE FIXED!

Lazy eye? How about her lazy ass, her lazy face, and her lazy everything else? Why is she even famous?

oh, don't be so hard on her Jimbo. She did get off her lazy ass on to her back to make a sex tape....

Is it even physically possible for anyone to even kiss Parasite? I try to imagine the act in my head but all I get is a pair of lips running off into the sunset crying.

Strange.

And what is with these tramps all of a sudden looking like the just came from Church?

And it was a lot of work to spread her lazy legs and put them real high into the air.

Let's all pray that she gets shanked in the spleen.

Huh. Yeah. I just still can't believe that's what her schnozz looks like AFTER a nosejob.

One of you should write a screenplay involving Paris Hilton and Chuck Norris. It can start off with Paris saying "That's Hot." Then two seconds later, she can say "You broke my fucking nose" and Chuck will say "it's a gigantic target." From that point forward Paris should be beaten like a homo at a bike rally. You'll make a million dollars.

superfish, mary-kate has a better chance of eating period. that skinny blonde whore would be lucky to have half a hotdog in her system now THAT'S hot...wait, no it's not.

oh yea, Paris? DON'T DROP THE SOAP!

Holy crap, Batman! I never realized she has MAN-HANDS!!!!! Oh well, it goes well with her big stinky feet.

@20.

I think Parasite and Blowhan would be a better match.

Ya see, Parasite can start out by accusing Blowhan of stealing her Valtrex prescription refill and slap her across the face so hard that a few freckles fall off.

Then, Blowhan can say "That's Hot"...

And then greasy bear aka Brandon Davis shows up outta nowhere and hits Parasite in the head with a brick. I dunno, I'm kinda going for a "Brandon and Blowhan Run Off in the Sunset to Make Alien Babies" kinda ending.

Not sure if it will get picked up by FOX but hey, it's gotta be better than Amerian Idol ya know, ever since Sanjaya's been screwing it up.

http://hollywoodsquared.com/ urging you to become famous not infamous.

hey babe...

isnt it about time... ?

...to shave that head ?

keep your f*****g comments
about our friends...
to yourself

...and
...apologise when necessary

or just die : )

noone will notice [or care]

If you look at the first pic just from the elbow up, it looks like Piss is carrying around a metro (i.e. gay) yoda in her bag.

In a really catty voice:
"Ready you are not until you can take an entire fist honey."

Dum-Dum really needs to hire a limo driver.

She's hot as hell, and so is Lohan with her perky nipples through the tshirt.

That would be cool if she went to jail. My new toy came with a free DVD and it showed this woman locked in jail and the BIG guard came over and flipped her upside down and they did a standing 69. That's what I picture when I think of Paris in jail. Well, lunch time!!!

She lost her boobs again.

Now that is one reality show i would watch..

Paris getting banged with a plunger by some big butch dyke.....

Woohoo!!!!!!

she didn't lose the boobs. look at the one taken from the side. she looks pregnant.

maybe they fell into her stomach.

13. she's famous for being famous. duh. paris is like puberty or balding. the onset is never clear, goes unnoticed, but one day you realize it's already happening to you.

and there's no turning back.

Did she take off her color lenses in the other pics? I can see her brown eyes.

Her tits are inflatable. Just put an air hose to her nipples and blow them up

umm, someone might have to kill me for saying this, but i actually really like what she's wearing. i would wear that in a second.

I agree schack. Meet you in hell.

#38- "yesterday's science fiction is today's science"

fembot or the real paris?

Pah-ris, baby, the skirt is supposed to cover the control tops. Nobody wants to see your thigh-rubber peeking out.

@35 - At least with puberty you have something new and fun to play with. With Paris, you are just hoping that she goes away or tries to out run that Metrolink train

Martha Stewart is going to make Paris her bitch.

i didn't really get anything new...it was just invasion of the body hair. but i guess the analogy breaks down for people who got nice dicks and breasts.

she'll never go

And NO, I don't want her in a soft-porn Caged Heat fun for the guys prison. I want her in a mental/infectious/disease/medical tight security facility. Preferably 100 stories under ground.

Maybe you did not get anything new beside body hair, but some switches were turned on and there were some new found toys to play with. Boy find them and use them much more often

Why oh why with all the sh*t that's going on in the world today, the thing that I want to know more than any other is what the hell is going on with her breasts?

Is this a recent pic?

Paris Hilton goes to the gynecologist. The doctor immediately recognizes her, and despite her bad reputation, all of his professionalism goes out the window and he is smitten. He immediately asks her to undress. After Paris disrobes, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.

"Do you know what I am doing?" he asks.

"Yes," Paris replies. "You are checking for any abrasions or abnormalities, I guess. That's hot."

"That is right." says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I am doing now?"

"You are checking for any lumps or breast cancer. That's so hot." she replies.

"Correct," says the doctor. Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her. "Do you know what I am doing now?"

"Yes," Paris replies. "You are getting herpes, which is what I came here about in the first place."

i'm pretty sure even prepubescent children can be brought to climax

Yes they can:)

50. very nice.

please tell me that you, like me, know that from watching the movie made about the book about alfred kinsey, and not from personal experience!

yeah, there's no way she's going to jail. and while I'd like to blame it on her being rich, more serious criminals wouldn't even go back to jail for driving on a suspended license. still, I feel like spoiled brats such as herself should have MORE severe punishment for their actions, cuz they have no excuse for it

oh, and 51--SICK!!

Now that the Fish has posted my 11:30 news articles, here is the 3 PM update:
http://www.pr-inside.com/rss/drew-barrymore-reportedly-had-
lesbian-sex-with-a-magazine-editor-r80256.htm

Jane Pratt slipped out this goody on Howard Stern's show.

Catch up with me, Wanger!

It wasn't my idea

jimbo- what is that supposed to mean?

wedgie- lesbian sex is so old hat, you know?

@29.

Seriously, get a life, a job, a woman/male/animal to fuck...something.

This little game that you like to play is beyond useless, grow up..(cough) maxi.

It means the nasty little baby sitter wanted to show me a few things. My parents told me I had to do what ever she said.

1. this site is late on the news today.
2. who the hell is she always on the phone with

@50

LMAO. Fucking brilliant.

You should write a script for Southpark, or SNL.

yay 50! You're my hero. Along with that guy that can solve the rubix cube blind folded in under 2 minutes.

danielle, go die in a fire plz thx.

Anyway, Paris Hilton. What a whore. Must be nice when your billions of inherited dollars magically transport you above the law. How many DUIs and misdemeanors does this slut have to get before she gets what she deserves?

#60. i'm sorry. left alone with big fat fanny, i see. so, do you think women are evil now?

Ummm 64? Who the hell are you and why should I care?

If I fucking mentioned your name, which I didn't, then you can talk smack.

Until then, do us all a favor and fuck off.

11. so would she.

Um, why do people keep saying she can "pay her way out of it"

Do you know what a parobation violation is?

She'll be charged, and can get out on bail for the time between being chared and appearing before a judge. The judge will then decide if she has to serve some or all of the 90 days, and you can't pay your way out of that.

if the probation period included a stay on jail time for her original offense violating the probation means that stay is removed and she has to serve the time.

you seem to know alot about this, lamb

#68 - Obviously you've never heard of the term "bribery". Guaranteed that Paris will relieve the judge's clogged up prostate in return for clemency.
She's going to jail all right. Her, and Nicole, and Brandi. All sharing a cell.
The next season of "The Simple Life" will be called "Back on the Chain Gang".

Shiv them all. For the love of God, someone PLEASE INTRODUCE THEM TO THE SHIV!

And what the heck is the slang for the Latino gangs in a women's prison? Someone must know it, and I'm tearing my hair out trying to remember it.

Is it Saku Koivu behind Paris ?

Let's face it guys, she'd be a great fuck.

No prison can hold Paris. Mostly because the spaces between the bars are too wide, and any chafing can be relieved with a heady mix of bile and cum lodged in her larnyx from the last Backstreet Boys tour.

Still not fighting with the other celebs. C'mon Paris, knock 'em the f*ck out. Cops too. BAM!

I would pay to see this slag in jail. Not much, but I'd pay:P
How much you wanna bet she puts on her simpering baby voice for the judge? Oh, and like, a totally responsible outfit.

P.S. When is danyell going to die already?

I wonder if she is jailed if 'they' will jail her under her real name Sarah Harris?

@50 It's funny how everyone thinks you came up with that on your own. Considering I got that joke in an email two months ago, you're funny........

Those man hands are disturbing. Women shouldn't be able to open doors with a phone in the same hand. Doesn't she have size 11 feet too? Big hands + big feet = high probability of big penis.

All her various sexual escapades and STDs aside, she is still a very striking female (aka dreamy cute)

She's no LL, but she'll do in a pinch

Striking how? As in "RuPaul" striking? Yeah he's tall, but he's a man! Hell he's more femme than Miss Herpes.

Hi guys, I wrote post # 50. In the spirit of full disclosure, I have to let you all down.

Yes, I did take a well-known joke circulating on the net and modify it for Paris Hilton. But, if anyone would give her doctor herpes, it would be Paris.

Now, we return to our regularly scheduled programming of not-funny posts. Oh, and TCLTC, just in case you forgot.

Striking? Did you mean herpes-stricken? Or looks like she's been struck by lightning? Or "looks like someone's been striking her with wooden clubs"?

51 or so...

why not ask for help
like you did before ?

did you think we would ever let you down ?

not one of ours
suffers...

etc...

can we move on now ?

I WISH THEY WOULD!!!!
It'as about time these second rate people, who have too much money to care about the outcome of the lives they fuck up, get tossed into jail, and become somebody's bitch...
On the other hand, they wouldn't do anything Paris hasn't done already, so the broom and mop handle thing aren't gonna scare her.

I'd take her prisoner and force her to make hostage videos.

They need to stick her in an Ilsa prison and do some socio-sexual experiments. Anybody see Tigress of Siberia, when they took all those male prisoners and set them loose in a locked room full of female prisoners, just to see "how they'd respond"? Something like that, only there'd be no other women and some of the male inmates would be cannibals.

I addressed something to that effect earlier to BarbadoSlim, maybe my post was too vulgar to skip past the keen eye of Mr. New Fish... >:I

Yeah... she could buy herself out of jail time...

Although it would be "hot" for her to go to prison. it'd be a white collar prison, but think of all the puns people would make about her "stay" at the prison hotel!

@87...did you get modded? laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame that's communism fishdude!!!!

get out of jail free...

is that enough?

dont f*** with me ?

...are we nearly there yet ?

ps...
can you tell your forum mods
to go fuck themselves
cos they
annoy
the fuck out of us...
and they wont let us post any more

...who knows why ?
...maybe they support bush ?
...and the US police state ?

...your loss

isnt it your forum?
we would tell them to f*ck off
but you be as polite as you want : )

locationlohan

the new police state...

...apparently

I wish Paris would get plastic surgery on her vagina, surgery to seal off that hideous hell hole FOREVER. Unfortunately that monsterous gaping bagina sucks in anything that gets within
10 feet of it... okay, okay 10 miles, so no one has ever come close to shutting it off ... it's like the gateway to hell... okay, okay it IS the gateway to hell.

Man, if she goes to prison then I will finally know the truth; there really is a Santa Clause and he loves me and hates Paris Hilton, just like I always imagined.

Big chance thanks to me the single braincell of Paris has developed itself a bit lately because what she's wearing looks indeed like a victorian blouse/petticoat.

Well, good news at last!

Wow, Superficial - you're all over this story. "On Tuesday she was pulled over in her car by police in Los Angeles." No assholes - she was pulled over on February 27. So you're not even bothering to get your reporting right? It's one thing to give up being funny, but to give up any pretense of accuracy - that's just lazy and lame. This site sucks ten kinds of dick.

Unbelievable, she actually looks decent here, like a good & classy girl. What's going on?

NOOO PARIS! She cant do hard time!

wait-- that would make a great season of the simple life!

The Simple
-hard times in mailibu-

its great

NOOO PARIS! She cant do hard time!

wait-- that would make a great season of the simple life!

The Simple Life
-hard times in mailibu-

its great

I'm even a bit more surprised by this caper of Paris her braincell.She even found a matching door in the same victorian style,not quite yet the same style but almost.At least it's serious attempt.

I'm getting tired of knocking this little tramp. I give up. I love her.

yeah right. If she's even forced to go near a jail, I'll shave my head.

I'm getting tired of knocking this little tramp.I give up...

Paris Hilton is a featured chapter in our Talking Celebrity Fiction website:

http://www.puzzlekiller.com

Wild Celebrity Sex.

Paris Hilton: Jailhouse Sex Video, coming this august.

Dr. Phowstus stared at The Woman’s long, muscular legs crossed beckoningly before him as she sat on the end of his desk in a sleek black skirt that stretched to fit across her tight ass. The Woman’s arms were folded against her blue t-shirt that was too loose to reveal the actual size of her round and firm breasts and her sultry voice did not break his concentration as she stated, “You know how to get him here and I know how to manage the rest.” Dr. Phowstus glanced up at The Woman’s lavender eyes and responded with barely concealed fury, “Playing games with a man of his dangerous capabilities is one thing, but sitting on imported Teak from the Caribbean is something I will not tolerate, Madam!”

“Fine”, The Woman responded as she slid off the desk to stand confidently before him, “but you are not going to turn down enough money to purchase a warehouse full of your precious Teak, now are you?” “Very well, you’ll have your request when I have half of the money in my account and I expect the other half within the hour of your receiving your ‘present’.” The Woman smiled, a sparkle of anticipation lighting her eyes, as she left Dr. Phowstus’ office.

After giving The Woman several minutes in which to exit the premises, Dr. Phowstus arose and went into the hall where Lowlands was pushing a long handled mop across the marble floor. “Come here. We need to discuss an addition to your duties.” he commanded the illegal immigrant. “Why come I has more duties?” Lowlands questioned suspiciously.
“Because your blonde hair will make you seem a citizen until you start to speak which is what you will have to do if you’re looking for another job”, Dr. Phowstus said bluntly. Lowlands followed Dr. Phowstus into his office and listened intently as he described his ‘additional duties’ because Lowlands knew his chances of getting another job as well paid as this were slim to none.

It was after 5 o’clock when Dr. Phowstus rang up Wally and told him that he would need to come into the office tomorrow, well ahead of his next scheduled visit to remove the cast from his mending broken leg. “It’s because of some unusual lab results”, Dr. Phowstus explained, “and I really can’t do justice to an explanation without showing you the xrays.” Wally agreed to come in the next day at 8 a.m., feeling only mildly concerned. His leg seemed to be healing as expected and he was getting stronger each day. Dr. Phowstus then rang his secretary and told her to leave after clearing his schedule for the next day, Friday, and instructed her not to return until Monday.

Late Thursday evening found The Woman arranging terms with her accomplice and it was going as easily as she had imagined. Rich’ lust was too strong for him to turn down the only opportunity he was ever going to have to satiate himself upon Wally. “There will be three men to pin him down besides yourself” she reassured him. “Who is the third man?” Rich asked. “Wedgeone”, The Woman stated and responded before the inevitable protest of ‘but he isn’t gay’ could be uttered. “Wedgeone will do anything to see Wally raped after he seduced his younger brother, BarbadoSlim. He needed his brother to continue the family business but after the “Summer Experiment” with Wally, all BarbadoSlim wants to do now is be an interior decorator. And he has absolutely no talent for it. Just passion. Kind of like Sanjaya on American Idol only without the flair. Wedgeone is flat broke and without any future aspects. Yes, he’ll certainly be involved.”

“It is absolutely necessary for you to be completely still for these new xrays”, Dr. Phowstus explained as he wrapped the leather restraint around Wally’s leg and to the steel ring set near the floor. “My assistant is going to inject a little dye to help the pictures come out clearer”, he said as Lowlands approached Wally wearing a white lab coat and carrying a tray of instruments. Just as Lowlands started to push up Wally’s sleeve, he pinned Wally’s arm against his torso just as Dr. Phowstus did the same with Wally’s other arm. “What the fuck…”, Wally barely began as Dr. Phowstus called out loudly, “ENTER”. Struggling was futile, even as strong as Wally was because of having one leg clamped to a steel ring, the other broken and in a cast, and two stout men pinning his arms. Even so, Wally struggled even harder as he saw Rich enter the room. “You know I’ll slice your balls off for this”, Wally promised. “You won’t find us with the amount of money we’re going to have”, Rich countered as he pulled the stiletto from his pocket and neatly sliced through the jeans Wally wore, leaving them a worthless pile of fabric on the floor. Rich stepped around behind Wally and began to stroke his ass, spreading his cheeks apart firmly but gently with his thumbs. “You need to be a little harder for what we have planned” he said too loudly, considering that Wally was directly in front of him.
Wedgeone entered the room and, smiling cruelly at Wally, tied a black scarf over his eyes. He then knelt down before Wally’s thick cock and asked, “Is this what you did to my brother?” as he began to lick Wally’s balls. Wally began to grow hard despite his anger. Rich could restrain himself no longer and with a hard thrust he penetrated Wally’s manhole and moaned with the euphoria he felt rushing through his body.

Then The Woman walked into the room wearing sunglasses, a black trenchcoat, and black heels. All of these were on the floor in a matter of moments and she approached Wally naked and filled with heat at the sight of his erect cock. More than anything it was the mind in the man before her that filled her with desire. “I have waited so long for this” she purred. “Who are you”, Wally demanded at the sound of The Woman’s voice. “That’s for me to know and for you to find out” she laughed softly. Then she took his cock in her hand and guided it into her moist, tight vagina. As Rich thrust from behind, The Woman rode Wally’s cock and pulsated with the fullness of her orgasm. All of the men had erections now but only Rich was getting any immediate satisfaction. In what seemed too short of time, both rapists were satiated. Wally came with a hot rush despite his anger, his entrapment. “That wonderful feeling is going to stay with me a lifetime,” she said as she gently slid off of his spent cock and picked up her coat. While she dressed to leave, Wedgeone took the arm that Dr. Phowstus had been holding and Dr. Phowstus expertly injected the sedative into Wally’s arm. Before the sedative took effect, Wally said, “I’ll find you. I’ll find all of you.” The Woman said, “What are you going to do, punish me for my desire?” As the men eased Wally into a chair, The Woman leaned over and gave him a lingering kiss. And with that, she walked out the door. The next move would be up to him.

Paris is starting to gain points in my hot book. I'd do her, even though I'm gay. I wanted that Fendi bag she has on her arm for my birthday last week but my boyfriend wouldn't cough up the money. But anyway, I'd voluntarily contract herpes if it would bring me closer to that goddess named Paris.

Haha, I *love* the school-teacher-chic of her outfit - I'd so wear that if I wanted to elicit drools from my students ;) Now that's hot.

The funny thing is that she thinks we *care* about her. Does she realize she is my source of free entertainment? How can someone have so much money and be so stupid? My momma told me, life ain't fair.

#105)Is this a first of april joke or did i really get promoted to medical assistant?I'm looking forward to put this snowy white coat on tomorrow.

Can I fuck you Lowlands?

#110 Nice, troll. Sorry, lowlands, that wasn't me, apparently I'm trying to fuck Paris Hilton, so you'll have to stand in line.

#110)???

Apparently Paris is too busy. She said she's working on Simple Life. Nevermind 111.

So Lowlands, how's that package?

#113 Oh, fuck off and die, troll.

#112 Have fun with the troll, lowlands, I'm off. If anyone asks to see your package, make them pay you first.

I don't understand your oracular language.Where're you talking about?

Oh, fuck me Lowlands, I'll die if you don't!

Damn, I'm being trolled? Famous much? Go away 114, I have fucking to do.

Ok, I'm bored. This split personality thing is the only thing I have left to do on Sundays?

Come on Low, where did you go?

Fuck OFF troll!!!!!!

Leave me ALONE ALONE ALONE!!!!

GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S NOT ME IT'S NOT ME!!!!!

DON'T BELIEVE IT LOWLANDS!!!!!!

GO AWAY!! NOW!

#118)Did you just get back from a party or something?Just relax and breath and take a Zanax.

OK

Ok,you can fuck me.

Name the place.

I would almost say the elevator of the Empire State building but maybe London?Amsterdam?

Or maybe Toronto?

A suggestion? Toronto, a comedy club, and a really great restaurant. Not that I am an expert, I have never done any of those 3 but I was thinking that since Lowland's vernacular is part of his allure, an addition "eh" on the end of all of his sentences might be amusing.... just a suggestion.

those brown LEOTARDS are hot on my gramma, Paris is looking old and fat

Yea, I am really sure she is goning to get ANY time in jail. The worst she will probably have to do is PSA on the dangers of drinking and driving.