Lindsay Lohan finds Jebus

FRIST!!!!

I got a different book when I accepted Jesus into my mouth...a sexy book!

...and a mouthful of sweaty man-sauce!

...didn't know she could read.

she LOVES the ivy

...hot, sweet, Jesus sauce splashing against the back of my throat on my way to salvation just like my close personal friend Lindsay!

Two things...

1. I HATE fucking Celebs that bitch about Paparrazzi and then spend all their time at the Fucking IVY which is known for having hoards of Photographers camped out there.

2. Lindsay, you want to improve your image, here is how...Stay home, rent a fucking movie, read a book. Stay away from the clubs for longer than a week you skanky drug riddled waste of a vagina.

Well since she found him, I wonder if her will turn her water into wine? Or perhaps her Voss into Vodka?

What's the verse? 'Thou shalt wear panties?'

Where is the edge anymore? Take a pic, write something totally boring, and ppl will be happy.

Ooh, look, she's with another lady. She must be lesbo.

#1 What?!?

Did she stole this at Britney rehab ? Else she may carry it because there is a small bottle of gin hidden in it !

Wonder where she and Britney are off to?

FRIST!!! will you explain please?

Of course, she thinks that this is an accessory to carry around. She has no idea that you can read what's printed inside.

And in other LiLo news her Mom declares in Harper's Bazzar that she's not a party Mom:
http://apnews1.iwon.com//article/
20070322/D8O1E6U80.html

Now reading this article is REALLY bizzare. Maybe worthy of a posting on the old Fish!

linds, not even Jesus can cure your problems, but i guess you'll figure that out...tomorrow.

cute. shes religious now. just precious.

Explain what?

Amazing how she couldn't fit that book into that big-ass purse of hers but was FORCED to put it between the seats. I know that's where I put all the books I read while I'm driving - it's just so handy there for easy reference.

Sorry about #16 - I just saw that it was posted in another thread. I swear I didn't steal it.

What do you wanna bet the pages are cut out and there's a liquor flask stashed inside?

if blowhan found jesus, then why is he hiding in her trunk?

something fishy go'n'on there...

I guess Jesus lives in the bottom of a Jack Daniels bottle... that's the only place where Linds would find him.

I see she's turning into a very good girl.What's next?A Victorian girl's sailoroutfit?

in more recent news: god breaks his promise to lindsay to make her the most famous and revered actress in hollywood.

Oh, CLEARLY the pages are cut out, but I bet she's storing a straw, a razorblade, a mirror and a sack of coke.
Hm...actually that sounds really good right now. I gotta go!!!

i once found jesus, and then my co-worker told me that some of them had put LSD in my water. "we knew you could handle it, L.dawg, we just wanted to see you prove it."

Of course she thinks that this is an accessory to carry around. She has no idea that you can read what's printed inside.

sorry about the double post no fucking idea what's going on

"Save me Jebus!"
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=save+me+jebus

Lindsay Lohan looking for Jesus is like Ghandi looking to pick a fight.... Who does she think she is fooling? Oh wait, all celebrities are smart and "us normal folk" are all stupid.

sure, Barbado, we believe your 'double-post' story. you just thought your comment was so damn funny that you had to post it again, hoping we'd see it this time.

well, it was sort of funny.

#19 -- I was exulting in beating you to be the first typographical error in the thread.

aaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha! obviously purchasing a book of verses instantly cures you of being a worthless ho.

Keep looking, Lindsay - "Thou shalt be adiquite" has be in there somewhere...

#34, I'm FRIST!!! How were you beating me?

you see the book and then you see the handcuffs hanging from the rear view mirror and you know this bitch is all shit. ATTENTION WHORE!

Why would she take the book into the Ivy anyway. You're meant to eat in their aren't you - not read???? I'm so out of touch i must remeber to take my bible out with me next time i go our for dinner.

"out" for dinner - not "our".

whoops a doodle.

She's so spoiled that now she thinks even God will cater to her "every need."

"Goddddd!!!!! I need a speedball and a quart of Bombay Sapphire!!!!!"

...for God so loved the World that he gave his only begotten Son--HOLY SHIT you can totally see that chick's pussy!!!

If it provides for EVERY need, does it include therapy and a paper bag?

I didn't know Jesus was lost? Where did she find him? Did she get a reward? I know Jesus Saves, did she run into him a Wal-mart?

LL in GQ magazine - superfish so slow

http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/index.php/2007/03/21/i-am-lohan-in-gq-of-the-day/

what does the star on the inside of the wrist tattoo mean? like everyone has one...anybody?

She couldn't have found Jesus. He's in Texas. There's a sign not two miles from here that says "Jesus is Here! Appearing Nightly!" and LiLo hasn't been in Texas.

Um...thanks Rach, I went to www.drunkenstepfather.com and I didn't know what it was and one of the associates came out and I tried to close it, but it wouldn't go away!!! Now he thinks I'm a perv. And probably a lesbian.

How long until she sparks the rumours of her dating Jesus and the Vatican explaining that they are just friends and he doesn't know her?

Mary Magdalene can beat this whore ass: she was way more classy than this bitch, and she was the original firecrotch!

#47 I always blame shit like that on that weird guy Carl in IT. "Dammit, Carl, why are you spamming me with stuff like this?" Try it.

Does it mean that she'll stop whoring around and showing her vagina to all and sundry? Nah, I don't think so. Her religious conversion is as real as Jenna's tits.

This makes me sad in the pants.

Superfish took down the Rumer Willis post where she was smoking something naughty.

#41 - laughing so hard that I'm crying. Best post this month!

#52 oh fuck we forget about the transparency agreement

[what]

creepers ? ...already ? : )

ok hello babes
now fuck off
and yes...

"This is Jesus. Lindsay Lohan is a very good girl."

You guys got it all wrong. Lindsay doesn't even know how to read. The only reason she has the book of bible quotes is because she was being hounded by Tom Cruise during her time of weakness. Since she doesn't know how to read, she picked up the book of quotes by mistake, yelling, "Begone! Evil henchman of L.Ron Hubbard!" Since Tom Cruise is also illiterate, he thought it was a real bible, and scurried back into the darkness, whelping.

You guys got it all wrong. Lindsay doesn't even know how to read. The only reason she has the book of bible quotes is because she was being hounded by Tom Cruise during her time of weakness. Since she doesn't know how to read, she picked up the book of quotes by mistake, yelling, "Begone! Evil henchman of L.Ron Hubbard!" Since Tom Cruise is also illiterate, he thought it was a real bible, and scurried back into the darkness, yelping.

AA encourages this. Just let the girl be happy already. She's recovering and I hope she doesn't read this nonsense.

she just wants all the attention..that's it.

When the AA people mention a higher power,Lindsay thinks they're refering to a better quality coke.

Jesus should've hid better.

it looks like the only picture of the book is the book inside her car, so we can't actually say that it for sure hers

Actually I saw pics on another site, and she is totally just walking around with the book obviously displayed...I stand corrected

oh Lindsay, you always keep be guessing

Just like Skange...photo-ops with a Jesus book, or an adopted rainbow, do NOT make you classy! Lindsey and Skange would stop, if people weren't buying it! Wake up, people! Lindsey Lohan is a skank! Skangelina is a skank! (But the biggest employer of nannies in the US). I actually feel sorry for "firecrotch", has anyone seen her skankX2 mother???

When she finally gets arrested, you'll notice I said when not if, she should be sentenced to house arrested. All these pathetic celebs should always get sentenced to house arrested. The criminal's punishment is for the good of society and what we all need and they need is to be shut in, that's what their inner fatty really wants anyway.
All the idiots like Lohan, Paris, Nicole, Britney, need to be locked up in their houses and taken out of the vicious circle they're stuck in so that we can have a break and they can stop hiding from themselves. Shut them in and they will have to see what they really are. What these bitches need is a major fucking time out, if I was their Ma I would straighten those whores right the fuck out. There would be none of this shit on my watch. They would be going to rehab LONG TERM and then they would be donating every waking hour to charity until they had a little respect for life and what it's all about.

thats a hollowed out copy in which she keeps her weed

64--I was gonna say she tears out the pages to roll up and snort coke through.

Whatever. That's the Anarchist's Cookbook with a cover stolen from the local Best Western. The Gideons will not be happy.

yeah theres coke in that book.

Frist, explain this whole frist, first thing.

Lohan is clearly a Dupe of the Conspiracy. She a subversive Pinko who plays Golf with the Anti-Dobbs, himself! She is a parasitic Slack thief and I wish I could hold her down and tatoo 13013 across her forehead backwards so she sees it every time she looks in the mirror.

About as credible as her 90 day sober button from AA.

Hey! Maybe now she'll get baptised so the net will post pictures of her in a dripping wet, transparent, white robe that sticks to her surgical enhancements!

Breaking new ground! Paris, eat your heart out!

Lindsay is featured in Chapter on the Talking CelebFic site:

http://www.puzzlekiller.com

Celebrity Fiction with Britney, Paris, Lindsay and many others. Wild Hollywood Sex.

Does the book contain the part in the Bible where the drunken, adulterous, spoiled bitches get thrown into a lake of fire? Cause if I'm remembering correctly, that was one of God's Promises, too.

techclerk #71, that's some funny shiznit.

For LiLo to find meaning in something she reads would mean that she has read anything. The back of a box of Pop-Tarts or a shampoo bottle.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Oh, now I get it! It's all so clear now.

If, however, she is embracing a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, I predict that she will make an amazing change for the better. Do I expect it? No. I read some of the article of her mother. The woman should be retroactively arrested for child abuse.

I've been to the Ivy. When my wife and I first moved to LA we drove around in our sweaty moving clothes looking for a restaurant to celebrate at and ended there b/c it had a pretty patio, though we had no idea what it was (because we're stupid). It sucked. Almost $40 for a tiny cut of steak that they refused to cook rare. God-damn I hate restaurants that refuse to cook steak rare. I have since been informed that the Ivy is 0.01% famous people and 99.99% not-famous-people hoping somebody will think they're famous if they wear big sunglasses and dress like this ho-a-tard.

No surprise she carries a bible. Rehab is a thinnly disguised recruiting outlet for jesus freaks. They practically ram that shit down your throat.

Good, she needs him.

Thank you Mr Boognish for that in-depth report. Exactly how much rehab have you done in the last five years? You can round up or down. Doesn't matter.

#78
I have never been to rehab, but I know a few people who have and they all complain about being force fed the "higher power" crap.

Oh, and fuck off.

i love jesus

its...
almost
like

you are
the only
one
we can
trut=st

what?
a skank : )
is that what we'rer supposed to say?

frist, i really need to know the history of frist and first.

Fuck ou Lindsay Lohan, FUCK YOU!!!

she really has a great sense of fashion! i loved it. just keep posting her pictures.

I really wish more people could understand what its like to be followed on a daily basis.

Can you imagine if you were being followed all the time?

I would it hate it if someone was always following me around. I would especially hate it if someone was following me around while I was trying to get fucked up.

Wouldnt you?

I feel sick to my stomach over whats happening to all these young women...especially Lindsay.

Everyone is so quick to cross the line with her...how would you like it to be under surveillance 24/7?

I agree that she should find other places to hangout, but guys be reasonable....NOBODY IS PERFECT and she never claimed to be.

Stop scrutinizing every little thing regarding her personal life. Its so ridiculous already.

LINDSAY,

If you read this...email me, I got your back in NYC baby!
(everyone else can go screw!)

what happened to talking about jesus. i liked talking about jesus

Awwww......well let's talk about Jesus some more.....
Wait, who's Jesus?

LMAO. Please. We all know Jesus does NOT love Lindsay Lohan. Nor does anyone else.

Lindsay's committed so many sins that now she's afraid she won't get into heaven. She's to lazy to read a real bible so she's trying to get into heaven with Cliff Note's version of the bible.

Dear Boogie,

I am writing this from inside my closet cuz I am so scared from your colossal command of the english language that I am retroactively committing suicide.

Yah.

I am typing this very slow and I wil not use contractions so that I do not confuse you. If you are not part of a solution then you are a really big problem. Really big. Like your ego. I know that is a complicated concept but just think of yourself as a twinkie with twenty pounds of filling. Get it?

Good. Now run along.

PS notice how I did that without resorting to profanity. That's for simple minds like, well, you know...

OK, why does almost everybody in hollywood have tiny star tattoo *some*where? At one point I wanted to get one on my foot, but now that I've seen it popping up everywhere, I'm a tad creeped out. Is this some kind of 'sign'? are they in league w/ Lucifer.....?? >:D whmmwahahahahahaaaaaa!

Sad...so sad...

#85

She asks to be followed every day. She likes it. She deliberately puts herself in situations where she optimizes her chances of being photographed.

I really wish more people would understand what it is like to CHASE PAPARAZZI every day. If she didn't want to be photographed, she could hide. No big problem. Really. It's not too hard.

Soon she will be ignored and run for all she's worth (Like Britney) and you will see her freak out and melt down in public to get attention.

You are very naive to have sympathy for her.

Seriously, If she truly has Jesus in her life and turns her train wreck career around, I think that would be strongest proof of God that we could witness in our lifetimes.

She must have seen 'the light' lately reading books like this.It's probably the operationlight when she got her appendix removed.