Mar 12 2007Angelina Jolie almost kidnapped not almost kidnapped

she's so hot most men would want to kidnap her...

I'm a chick and I would kidnap her! Then I would cut her face off and wear it as a mask... hahaha

Maddox points a toy gun at her and this is what she turns it into...

Serves her lame ass right for trying to play Humanitarian.

She should leave that kind of work to the professionals.

would anybody really miss her?

Maybe they tried too...but her lips wouldn't fit into the creepy van! derpa derp derp!+

she's going to get fucked by a whole village of uncut AIDS patients. then she'll be elevated to sainthood for sacrificing her life to help those in need. But something tells me she's still destined to burn in hell.

Did she get caught stealing another rugrat?

God, I wish someone WOULD kidnap her. I'm so sick of her faux humanitarian bullshit.

Just a publicity stunt to distract people from the fact she's a dirty tattooed freak who french kisses her brother, steals someone's husband, and wears vials of blood around her neck.

Angelina. Super Humanitarian of the World. She needs more kids, the first six weren't enough. But still hot enough to go lesbian for. hah hah

I think it was skeletor who's trying to kidnap her.

Thank GOD a criminal was thwarted in his attempt to bring harm to this beautiful woman!

NO, Jennifer is NOT behind it!

you just wish...

...you could
...have been

our
lara
croft

thanks babe : ))

I don't care how much good you do in the public eye, it's how you live your private life that matters. She is a home-wrecking whore.

It's great that her life isn't too different than her movies.

She is a very beautiful and talented actress. Just my favorite

I hope next time the kidnappers are a little bit better organized.

if she's really interested in destabilizing the system, she should quit being ostentatious in the same old way.

she's like that princess from "drawn together" who makes the dildo man sick so that she can "take care of him." you're dabbing peroxide on the very cancer that you are, you stupid bitch...

that aside, she's ostentatious in style. she's so fucking pretty.

How boring!! It would have been better if they had actually kidnap her, this news is worthless

#5: I sure as hell wouldn't. If I never hear her name again it will be too soon.

Aniston was kidnapped recently. Ransom was a bag of Doritos and half a pack of Marlboros.

#21 That has to be danielle trying to keep busy. A smart person would've asked for a whole carton of smokes.

Um, I'm confused. Who would pay this massive ransom to have Jolie released?

I could understand if some one was planning "kid" napping........for a missive ransom, but "home wrecker" napping?

herbie
frog...
are you
...lacking
in sentence
structure...
fundamentals?
or do you
think...
that is
prose?

#11- HAHAHA! That was awesome!

This chick seriously needs to get over herself. I agree with #20.

While she's saying this

"It was in a small village. I won't say where, or with whom, but some gangsters planned to kidnap me and extort a massive ransom. I was warned at the last minute, and managed to escape, luckily."

The Frog is really thinking this

"It was in a small village. I won't say where, or with whom, but I was doing all these really great things and there was no photographers taking photos of me so I paied some poor, stinky people massive amounts of money (at least massive to them $5 to me)to make up a rumor about how some gangsters planned to kidnap me and extort a massive ransom. The photographers came just like I knew they would to take more photos of my frog like face but I was warned at the last minute, and managed to pretend I was annoyed at them being there taking photos of me faking doing really great things, luckily."

GAWWSH, she nauseates me to no end.

I wish she'd get over herself and her perceived magnificence and eminence in our daily lives. You can tell that she think's the patron saint of humanitarians. Get off it and just admit that you parade around to try to make yourself feel better for being a adulterous freak.

@27 ha ha, PERFECTO.

Slut.

Okay, I was just testing.

I can't post at home and I thought I was banned for complaining about the jokes for the last week.

I'm at the library, which means I can't jerk off and write at the same time, which is a real drag.

Has anybody had similar login problems? Or has my ISP been banned? It still says "welcome sid," but I can't post :(

You know it was just two guys who were idly wondering what she was doing there. I imagine they walked up to her, asking if she'd been in the country long, when she pepper-sprayed them both and ran away screaming.

What his cunt won't do for attention. Reminds me of the time she hired a hitman to kill her. Oh yeah, she's changed loads.

A commenter on Us Weekly's story of the kidnapping is hawking Team Kidnappers shirts for $19.95. I'm getting one. Do ya'll want one, too? Angie (Lara) has finally gone over the edge with this cock and bull story. And where is Pitt in all this - at home mindin' the kids. What a wuss. What a way to run the United Nations.

She makes my naughts bits all moist like Duncan Hines Butter Recipe Golden cake mix.

When Little Brown Adoptees Attack.

Team Kidnappers...LOL!

I believed Tonya Harding, too, when she fought off all those kidnap attempts. They've just gone international.

Is it just me or does she look like a dude in the picture? I think its the massive neck....

Anyway, onto the topic at hand. No one tried to kidnap her, the gansters she was talking about were probably the family of some kid she was trying to steal, who were trying to keep her from adding to her collection.

She's incredible. Bully for her . . . and fuck ya if you don't think so.

Almost only counts in horseshoes & hand grenades.

I cast my vote for Sid as the new Superficial writer.
This person that writes this shit now should go back to working the window at McDonalds.

I totally did this too last weekend! We're like twins now :)

"All I did over the weekend was punch a terrorist in the mouth before stealing his helicopter and blowing up a gang of pirates. I guess nobody ever tries to kidnap me because they know they'd also be kidnapping the worst ass-kicking they'd ever receive in their entire lives."

#41 Either Sid or Mr. Semprini. Sid will have Thora Birch in every story, but Mr. Semprini knows everyone.
The new guy is flat as two day old beer.

Too bad it didn't work ...

They would've might be able to make her eat ...
Everyone has lost a close family member, get over it Voight ...

That sounds about as credible as my story on being a transsexual gypsie in my previous life.

Are we sure that she just wasn't going over the plot to her next movie?

#43-
Even Lowlands is better than this putz.

That's a compliment Lowlands.

I just need to say that all of you haters are really pathetic. At least she actually uses her fame for a better cause. You bitch when celebrities just shop and buy houses and then you bitch when they get involved with causes instead of just shopping and buying houses.

And to HerpesHilton, I did not realize that you were the third person in Brad and Jen's marriage and have ACTUAL proof that Angelina is a home-wrecking whore...

She goes from blood-smeared skank of the year, to Mother Theresa Jr, and all it took was a stylin' Cambodian orphan. If she's such a humanitarian, where is the poor little handicapped child? EVERYTIME she's pictured with her family of photo-ops, she's playing the "protective" mother role, and as soon as they're alone, you know that she tosses those kids to the first in-sight nanny, injects her lips, sucks the breath out of a 16-year-old virgin, fucks Brad Pitt in the ass, crank calls Jennifer Aniston, screams at her publicist because that bitch Anna Nicole died, and SHE's adopting again...plant story that she's the baby's father, OR offer to adopt it..., scratches her huge balls, and invents MORE stories about how fucking wonderful she is. In the story she just made up, do the bodyguards live in her head? Maybe she should explain them away, before acting like she's NOW Rambo. Hello, normal people! This bitch isn't capable of being kidnapped by a bunch of roadside thugs! Yet, some believe her...maybe Skange and her fans should be abducted by UFOs, and deposited on an island...Yeah, Yeah! That's the ticket...an island, I say, and Jon Lovitz lives there...that's the ticket!

there is a reason why
some people hate so much...
they almost cant help themselves...

but...

shhhh...

quiet... : ))

[lol babes]

[...are we nearly there yet?]

no... we are still pretending

...etc

Baby Shiloh - I feel so sorry for you. Your mom doesn't love you near as much as the others. However - you have one HOT ASS Dad!

#49 - I just choked on my drink...that was hilarious....

#2 Ha ha ha ha, you're sick, I love it.

@48, could you just get syphilis and DIE already?! God you are fucking annoying. Why are you defending her you fucking bull dyke? Everyone knows she's a home-wrecking Whore, that's right with a capital W! Fuck her and her fabrications.

Oh and #49, Brilliant!

Sounds like fish lips is getting a tad bored and needs some via trying to play lara croft again.
Most people would be smart enough to shut up about something like this, at least until an investigation is complete and to avoid copycat incidents. But one of Hollywood's biggest attention whores is burbling on (yeah, we see you Angie).

"Massive Ransom"?? Oh, yeah, you're so crucial to world peace and the survival of orphans in the 3rd world that your skinny ass commands massive sums of cash. And by cash I mean semen. You're confusing your status as being among the top ten jack off fantasies with being genuinely important, Ms. Jolie.

Hello, Venus in furs,
Your name implies that you are a stupid bonde bitch, married to an older man. Get with the REAL world, bitch! You know...Angelina Jolie is today's Joan Crawford...Brad Pitt has become her "pool boy", and it's not cool to wear fur, anymore...Cunt! Get a job!

Venus...DROP Howard Stern, and give up Baby Dannylyn...Gee, those strip clubs were bad for you...Why don't you marry a REALLY rich guy, treat him like TOTAL shit, and then demand his money? OH? You're basically doing that! How's that fur feel? I hope that your stupid blonde ass enjoys it as much as the animal that wore it...CUNT! And you feel like, after your champagne haze, you can defend Skangelina...go right ahead...you might want to take your fur off, and wait for the old man to go sleepy before you regale us with your "wisdom".

She is gorgeous, I am very much impressed by everything she does for film and society.

As if she doesn't get enough press with her international baby collection, now she has to make up stuff just to get herself in the news.

What Angie left out was that the alleged would-be kidnapper was a hirsute, Birkenstock-clad, crazed and delusional "female" fan exhibiting Libra characteristics........just sayin'.

Somewhere Aniston is out there asking "Damn, how much more do I need to pay to get this bitch off the earth???"

Uh oh, sorry jrzmommy, didn't mean to be the thread under you again today, don't call me a moron please, I'm very sensitive!

61-- I didn't call you moron ...that was clearly marked as a comment to another person, although I don't remember where, but I know what you're talking about. Jeez, put on your big-girl panties and don't be so sensitive!

wahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! You're mean and I'm telling the hall monitor!!!!!!!! I hate you and I'm gonna go try to kidnap Skankalina and her 17 United World of Beneton kids!!!! And blame it on jr! wahhhhh!

It wasn't a kidnapping, it was an attempted ADOPTION. Gaaah.

Maybe it was Brad's way of breaking up with her. Someone else offered to pay him more to be their nanny.

Damn it, we almost were gonna live in a world without this whore! Damn you, Angelina, for thwarting your own kidnapping!

I am so glad they did not get her. I love this woman. To hot for words

9. Posted by bluecanary on March 12, 2007 2:47 PM

God, I wish someone WOULD kidnap her. I'm so sick of her faux
===========================================
Is that you Chinny, haaaaaaa, You Fug Fraud, Go walk Norman, its the only man you will ever have. No one wants you. This is way Brad Kicked your fug mug to the curb.. lol

Jennifer Aniston must have something big, like a movie premier or she just found the cure for cancer or some shit and this is Angelina's way of stealing her thunder for the nth time.

Massive ransom in a third world country? What was it $32.50?

49 I heart you

PS if you can't come here and make fun of celebrities that aren't dead or have sick kids then fuck off. How many times do we have to tell you that we don't want to hear how much you like these assholes. Keep it to yourself.

can someone ban herbiefrog?
its taking away from my reading experience

I'm starting to feel like a celebrity Jizz. I don't come to the Fish for days, and yet I'm mentioned in almost every thread!

I'm gonna guess #49 hasn't gotten laid in a loooooooooooooooooooong time

#86....you and your "we" can go fuck yourselves, loser

You're either 13 or someone aint hittin it right.

yeah MASSIVE ransom

She'll probably end up planning her own kidnapping so everyone feels bad for her and gives her even more attention.

BTW I know she is a "home-wrecking whore" as so many people say but I mean you CANNOT steal a GOOD husband. Brad Pit is as much to blame, infact even more. You can't make anyone cheat who doesn't want to.

BTW I want Angelina to die already, seriously, I fucking hate her.

Libraesque, (whatever that is...)
My sex life has nothing to do with Skange (I HAVE been told by many non-stolen men that I was their best LUHVA). But I have never traded in career and marriage for the big ole bend-over that Brad Pitt has...Skange has to be packing! I'm sure that the grocery list is...fresh blood, 16-year-old virgin, diapers X 20, formula X 20, Special K, pickles, lunchables, eye liner, vaseline, and KY. And a stun gun for the next non-existing faction that will try to kidnap The Skange-ster...can we fund them? Unfortunately, that's just a hypothetical question, considering there ARE no kidnappers. Maybe we could pay people to think about it...Here's the ticket! We all give money to kidnap Paris and Skange! We ALL know that that's no virgin, but Skange can kill her after sucking her bloodless!

By the way, Lib, we're not up to 86, so make a point...I think we're having problems, so just bend over, and I'll call Skange. Can I ask if you're a virgin?...She'll wanta know.

OH! I usually don't read all the comments, but I heart you, too, 86! I guess I owe an apology to Libraesque (WHATEVER THAT IS!), but I still don't like the comments about MY sex life...my business, satisfied customers, and everyone SINGLE! I guess that's the difference between me and Skange...plus the whole blood-sucking thing.

Oh and PS. what good movies has she actually been in? I know she has been in a shit load of movies but they all suck, can someone name one decent film she was in? She gets WAY more credit then deserved, especially as an "actress".

To the gullible: if someone had actually attempted to kidnap A-Jo, do you honestly think a few bodyguards could have twarted it?... why is she babbling about it, if it were and actual kidnapping attempt (D'oh)?... and why in the holy fuck do you think anyone other than you and your mouth-breathing, drooling kindred would think she's that important?

lol, i can't imagine angeline trying to take things in her own hands....and where was brad?