Mar 23 2007Victoria Beckham is starting a book club
Victoria Beckham is allegedly starting up a Hollywood book club, with Katie Holmes and Jennifer Lopez set to join. She plans for members of the book club to meet once a month at each other's houses where they'll discuss the book they've been reading. A source tells the Daily Star:
"When Victoria told Katie about a book club, Katie thought it was a great idea, especially as she would love to learn more about British classics. Victoria has asked five of her friends, including Jennifer Lopez and Katie, to become members."
Keep in mind this is Posh Spice, who awhile ago admitted to have never read a single book in her entire life. At their first meeting everybody will be ready to discuss Pride and Prejudice and she'll have brought a copy of Green Eggs and Ham. Then before they even start she'll break down and admit she rented the movie.
Mar 23 2007Mel Gibson tells people to fuck off
Mel Gibson apparently went crazy again last night at Cal State Northridge when a Mayan culture expert accused him of racially stereotyping the Mayans in his movie Apocalypto. He was giving a presentation and afterwards the crowd was allowed to ask questions. An Assistant Professor of Central American Studies asked if Mel had read about Mayan culture before shooting the film and Gibson said he had. Then she pushed even further, saying his representations of Mayan sacrificial ceremonies and bloodlst were racist. Mel responded, "Lady, Fuck off." Then members of the Mayan community protested on how they were portrayed in the film and as they escorted from the room by event organizers Mel screamed at them "Make your own movie!"
It's nice to see his anger management classes have paid off. I just hope he never stops being crazy so that in thirty years I can read about an 80-year-old Mel Gibson breaking his arm after trying to punch out a woman for, well, being a woman.
EDIT: Had to take down the photos but you can check them out here.
Mar 23 2007Anna Nicole Smith died of an overdose
The National Enquirer and Star are reporting that Anna Nicole Smith died of a lethal level of a potent sleep medication, although she also had a blood infection that would've killed her had the sleep aid not. She took the sleep-inducer chloral hydrate (used in date rape drugs) on Feb 7 and then never woke up.
The official results were supposed to be announced Monday by the Broward County Medical Examiner but the National Enquirer and Star broke the story. They're usually a little off with their reporting but this just sounds right. Although any explanation involving the word "overdose" probably would've sounded right. They could've said she overdosed on horse manure and I would just nod my head in silent knowing.
NOTE: Not really related, but two handwritten private diaries written by Anna Nicole between 1992 and 1994 were bought off eBay for $512,500 by a businessman from Germany.
Mar 23 2007Christina Aguilera is a chameleon
I'm starting to think that Christina Aguilera is color blind. That's the only explanation for why she's always three shades more orange than every other person on the planet. It's like self tanner and orange highlighter are the same shade of gray to her so she just goes with the orange highlighter because it's always on sale. It's weird, because she showed up to the Nylon celebration looking fairly decent, and then just a day later she was spotted leaving her hotel in NYC looking like this. This is exactly what a pod person pretending to be Christina Aguilera would look like. Only they'd probably do a better job of match the skin tone of humans.
Mar 22 2007Rumer Willis likes putting condoms in her mouth
ONTD took the liberty of grabbing all the pictures off Rumer Willis' Facebook and putting them up. Rumer isn't really famous herself, but she's the daughter of Demi Moore and Bruce Willis which makes her, uh, still not famous. Anyways here's a little tip for kids of famous people: don't use the internet. Especially if you're going to use it to post pictures of yourself trying to eat condoms. Plus I read somewhere that the internet can give you gonorrhea. I think it was a newspaper. A newspaper of truth!
The rest of Rumer WIllis' Facebook pictures after the jump, including her posting about dropping out of USC and working retail at Marc Jacobs.
Continue Reading "Rumer Willis likes putting condoms in her mouth"
Mar 22 2007Lindsay Lohan finds Jebus
Lindsay Lohan was spotted outside the Ivy yesterday carrying around "God's Promises For Your Every Need", a book filled with comforting Bible passages for a variety of occasions. I don't think I need to point out the irony here. Although the whole thing seems a little too forced. I'm surprised she didn't "accidentally" drop a piece of paper with "This is Jesus. Lindsay Lohan is a very good girl." scribbled on it. Only Jesus' name is misspelled and the whole thing is written in crayon. And at the bottom is Lindsay's name crossed out where she accidentally signed it.
A few more of Lindsay Lohan and her new book after the jump.
Mar 22 2007Fergie encourages beggars
Fergie was spotted in London giving a beggar some money yesterday. At least I think it's money. Judging by her sunglasses she may very well have given her a handful of dirt, because, hey, that's what they use as currency in the future. Is sunglasses even the proper term here? Space goggles? Insane-O-Eyes?
UPDATE: I'm adding one more closeup of Fergie's sunglasses because, well, they're awesome.
Mar 22 2007Christina Aguilera blows stuff
Here's Christina Aguilera help celebrating Nylon Magazine's 8th Anniversary Celebration. And if you're thinking to yourself, "Who blows out candles like that?" the answer is me. I also pose topless in doorways and give intense stares over my shoulder for no reason. I mean, who doesn't?
Mar 22 2007Jesse Metcalfe checks into rehab
A rep for Jesse Metcalfe confirmed that he checked into a rehab center for alcohol abuse this week. His rep released a statement saying:
"On Monday, March 19, Jesse Metcalfe entered a rehab facility to deal with alcohol issues. He realized he had a problem and was anxious to deal with it immediately. The actor, best known as the hunky gardener on the ABC show 'Desperate Housewives' and the star of the film 'John Tucker Must Die,' hopes that the media will allow him the privacy to deal properly with his treatment."
Jesus Christ it must suck to be somebody's rep, because you have to refer to people like Jesse Metcalfe as "the hunky gardener on the ABC show 'Desperate Housewives' and the star of the film 'John Tucker Must Die.'" If I had that job I'd just refer to all my clients as Douchebag 1, Douchebag 2, etc. Unless I represented Angelina Jolie. Then I'd just remove my pants and refer to her as "My Love."
Mar 22 2007Jay-Z is a man of his word
Four years ago Jay-Z made a bet with Playboy editor Rob Tannenbaum for 50-1 odds that he'd never come out of retirement and took $20 from him at the time. Well Jay-Z did come out of retirement with the release of "Kindom Come" so Tannenbaum gave his assistant a call to remind him of the wager and last week a messenger sent him $1,000 from Jay-Z's office.
"Jay-Z is a man of his word. I just bought a plasma TV with the money, and the first thing I'm going to watch on it is a Jay-Z video."
When you've got $12 bajillion in the bank paying off a $1,000 bet isn't going to hurt that much, but it's still impressive that Jay-Z kept his word. If it was me I would've pretended that I forgot about the bet, then went for a swim in my pool filled with money and had brunch with my solid gold robot servants.
Mar 22 2007Queen Latifah doesn't like her swimsuit
Queen Latifah gave the paparazzi the finger while vacationing in Maui. And I guess I'd be pretty mad too if I looked like that. I sort of expected gravy to be dripping from the side of her mouth. Aren't there weight requirements for buying a swimsuit? I mean, Jesus, you need a license to own a gun, and I'd rather be shot twice than have to look at this thing. It's not even a body anymore. It's just...shapes.
A bunch more of Queen Latifah after the jump, including one of her picking her wedgie. Consider this your final warning before the ensuing madness.
Mar 22 2007Nicole Richie has low blood sugar
A rep for Nicole Richie says her health troubles on the set of The Simple Life (she collapsed last Wednesday while filming) are the result of hypoglycemia. Her rep says:
"In her ongoing effort to focus on her well-being, Nicole has recently been diagnosed with hypoglycemia (low blood sugar). [She] is taking steps to manage it."
A source also adds:
"Four or five times she's felt really faint and almost passed out. She has to go into her trailer for a good part of the day."
I feel faint four or five times a day too, but that's usually just because I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Mar 21 2007Janice Dickinson flashes her pantyhose
Janice Dickinson was spotted at the Christian Audigier Fashion Show acting like her usual self, which means flashing her underwear and desperately flailing around for attention. It's just so refreshing to see an ex-supermodel age with dignity. She should travel around the nation and give speeches at schools about how to stay classy. And at the end of her speech she'll get all serious and point at the crowd and say, "Just remember, you can never be too classy." Then she'll pull a midget out of her vagina and start doing the Macarena.
Mar 21 2007Tom Cruise is still insane
Us Weekly reports Katie Holmes has been crying over the phone to Victoria Beckham because she says "Tom is denying her every single thing" and the two were once on the phone for over four hours. Not only that, but Tom Cruise reportedly left 18 messages in one hour on Victoria Beckham's answering machine trying to get her to join Scientology. A source says:
"Victoria is sick and tired of Tom being on her back about Scientology," says the source. "Victoria is an old-fashioned British woman who believes in God. She finds it quite rude that Tom is bugging her so much. Not too long ago, Tom left 18 messages in one hour to get them to join the church. When she says no, she means no."
Tom Cruise's rep responded, saying:
"This is completely false. Tom does not and never has encouraged anyone to adopt Scientology."
I know reps lie all the time, but at least try to keep it believable. Tom Cruise has never encouraged anyone to adopt Scientology? He might as well have told us Tom Cruise captured a triceratops in his backyard and taught it to fly into outer space.
Mar 21 2007Gisele Bundchen debuts shoe line
Gisele Bundchen debuted her new shoe line at the official launch of Grendene's new international brand Ipanema Gisele Bundchen. It's kind of surprising that somebody with so much experience in the fashion industry can be so bad at it. It looks like she bought a bunch of shoes from Payless and had kindergartners decorate them during arts and crafts. And did I mention they're blind? Because the kindergartners are blind.
UPDATE: Gisele has finally spoken out about her alleged pregnancy, denying reports and telling a Spanish TV show: "It's crazy how people can make up these stories. I'm not pregnant and I'm not planning to be pregnant anytime soon. I have so many contracts to do, so many projects. It's just something I don't want now - it's something for the future," she said. "I'm 26 years old, for Christ's sake! Why would I have a baby now?"
Mar 21 2007Phoebe Cates is apparently Asian now
Phoebe Cates (the hot chick who takes off her bikini top in Fast Times at Ridgemont High) showed up to the King Lear premiere looking like this. I didn't know it was possible to switch races midway through your life. Or, uh, genders. What the hell happened here? It's like visiting your high school girlfriend after twenty years and seeing that they've turned into a 40-year-old bald man with a mustache.
A bunch more of Phoebe Cates looking absolutely terrible after the jump.
EDIT: Turns out Phoebe Cates is half Filipino and 43-years-old, which makes me an ass. It's not often you see a 43-year-old with two kids who could pass for a teen. I'd say burn her at the stake but I'm sure her magic is too powerful.
Mar 21 2007Pete Doherty was is a crack whore
During an interview with Vogue Hommes International at Claridge's hotel in London, Pete Doherty pulled out a crack pipe and said:
"I always stumble back into it sooner or later, even if it's for a half hour a day," he says of the pipe, made from a miniature Martell Cognac bottle.
He then admitted he engaged in prostitution to feed his habit:
"There was no shame, because I kind of knew they were just lonely pissed-up old queens. And 20 quid was a lot of money!"
What kind of sad sad women (men?) are paying Pete Doherty for sex? You could glue fake eyes to a mop and get something more attractive. And seriously, if you're gonna have sex with Pete Doherty why not save yourself some money and just do it with a dumpster. It'd probably be more fun anyway.
UPDATE: Does 'queens' mean the same thing in the UK as it does in the US?
Mar 21 2007Natalie Portman is sort of not really nude
You'd think Natalie Portman naked and crying would be a little more entertaining than this, but you'd be wrong. You'd be so wrong. Especially if you thought 'naked' meant juggling chainsaws like I did. C'mon, woman, you call that juggling? I've seen better juggling at the platypus! I really need to learn what words mean.
Click the image for Natalie Portman's slightly NSFW nude scene from Goya's Ghosts.
Mar 21 2007Rose McGowan forgets her bra
If you can forget about these shots of Rose McGowan's droopy eye you might actually enjoy this shot of her braless in a see-through shirt. She looks surprisingly good for somebody who two days ago I thought made a living off scaring little children.
Click for the slightly NSFW nipple version.
Mar 21 2007Britney Spears is on the loose
Britney Spears has finished her one-month stay in rehab and has left the facility. Her manager announced in a statement late last night that she "has been released by the Promises Malibu Treatment Center after successfully completing their program." The typical stay at Promises is about 45 days but Britney stayed for 27 because, well, she's Britney Spears.
I give it less than a week before she starts drinking again and heads back out to the clubs. And by clubs I mean hitting up a restaurant and ordering a "deep fried piggy covered in Cheetos and chocoate. I'mma gonna eat it all up!"
Mar 20 2007Jenna Jameson is, uh, sexy?
I'm sure there was a time when Jenna Jameson was sexy, but judging by these pics you'd think that was a time of dinosaurs and unicorns. She looks like a disgusting version of Victoria Beckham, and Victoria isn't all that non-disgusting to begin with. She doesn't have AIDS does she? I'll feel pretty bad if she has AIDS, but at least that'd explain why she looks like this. When the plastic surgeon asked what kind of look she was going for she probably responded, "Monster."
Mar 20 2007Britney Spears makes out in bushes, is broke
The Daily Star claims Britney Spears is facing "bankruptcy" after spending $21 million of her $32 million fortune in the past two years and is "scared to death" of the financial situation she faces when she leaves rehab. A family friend says:
"She has to concentrate on staying sober, but she can't do that if she has to worry about going broke - which is exactly what she thinks will happen."
I don't know how $11 million is even close to bankruptcy, but whatever. In another Britney story, the Daily Star claims she was caught making out with another patient in the bushes. A source says:
"Britney and her new male friend decided to play a game of tennis. Britney is allowed a little more freedom now she's been in the centre a while. The next thing they had sneaked off into the bushes and were getting pretty passionate. They weren't actually having sex but there was definitely some groping. We had to step in to separate them. They were told off. They're in rehab and relationships between vulnerable people aren't really encouraged."
So Britney Spears is broke and trying to have sex with drug addicts in bushes. I dunno about you but she sounds cured. Once she gets out I wouldn't be surprised if she worked her way up to become President of the United States. Or the Pope.
Mar 20 2007Keanu Reeves runs over the paparazzi
Keanu Reeves hit a paparazzo with his car yesterday while pulling out of a parking space. According to the LA County Sheriff's Department:
"Mr. Reeves pulled out of a parking space, parallel to the curb, and grazed a paparazzo" with his 1996 Porsche, around 8:45 PM Monday night in Rancho Palos Verdes. The Sheriff's Dept. claims that the man then, "fell to the ground," and "paramedics were summoned." The photog was transported by ambulance to a local hospital, where he was treated for unknown injuries. Reeves was not injured during the accident.
The biggest mystery here is why anybody is following Keanu Reeves around trying to take his picture. There wasn't a gas station attendant they could've been photographing? Or a gardener? Trying to get exclusive shots of Keanu Reeves is like trying to get exclusive shots of the dumpster behind Starbucks.
A few more of Keanu Reeves inspecting his Porsche after the jump.
Mar 20 2007Lindsay Lohan shows off her naughty parts
Lindsay Lohan was spotted at Plumm in New York City last Thursday chain smoking and drinking Red Bull all night. And because this is Lindsay Lohan, she decided to pull her skirt up to her waist and give everybody a peek at her private parts. She's just walking around and removing her clothes in public now. I mean, c'mon, at least pretend it's an accident. Put your hand up to your mouth and go "Oops." Fake that your clothes are on fire. Something more than just, "Hmm, I feel like showing people my vagina" and whipping it out.
A few more of Lindsay at Plumm after the jump. Thanks to everybody that sent this in.
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan shows off her naughty parts"
Mar 20 2007Salma Hayek still very pregnant
Salma Hayek probably has the weirdest pregnancy body I've ever seen. It's like her baby is growing in her boobs or something. Most women just grow a little belly but she's turning into The Incredible Hulk. I'm pretty sure eight months into this thing she'll be a solid block of concrete.
Mar 20 2007Kevin Federline starts his own search engine
Just when you thought the internet couldn't get any classier.
Mar 20 2007Paris Hilton splits with Stavros Niarchos again...again
Paris Hilton and Stavros Niarchos have reportedly split again. She allegedly ended things because Stavros was upset with all the attention she was getting from other guys. A source says:
"He gets jealous, so they argue. Not sure if it is permanent, but they have not been seeing each other for the past couple of weeks."
She's allegedly moved on to Josh Henderson, a musician and actor who used to date Ashlee Simpson. The two were spotted together at Area nightclub last Thursday and at one of Paris' house parties this weekend. Although another source says there's nothing between Hilton and Henderson, adding:
"She's been over Stavros for a while. Now she's into just hanging out with her girlfriends."
I'm just wondering who's still willingly going out with Paris Hilton? I assume these are the kinds of guys who spend their free time lighting their penises on fire and putting them in mouse traps.
Mar 19 2007Lindsay Lohan forgets to button her shirt
Lindsay Lohan was spotted leaving her New York hotel without a bra on and forgetting to button her shirt. And by forget I mean the opposite of forget. She's completely run out of ideas to stay in the public eye. She's already showed off every part of her body so now she's resorting to wearing ridiculous clothing. Pretty soon it'll be like, "God, guys, can you stop taking my picture? You act like you've never seen a person wear a shirt made out of live cats before."
One more of Lindsay trying to show off her boobs after the jump.
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan forgets to button her shirt"
Mar 19 2007Fergie is very feminine
Is Josh Duhamel seriously still dating this thing? It's got the coloring of an Oompa Loompa and the facial structure of a Samoan sumo wrestler. She looks like if she stared at you long enough she could actually turn you into stone. Or at the very least make you start crying.
Mar 19 2007Kirsten Dunst and Johnny Borrell get it on
If you've ever wondered what kind of person Kirsten Dunst's beauty can attract, here he is. This is Johnny Borrell of the indie band Razorlight. The two met up after Kirsten went to one of Razorlight's gigs in LA on Firday, and last night the two were seen cuddling and kissing as they watched a gig at the South By South West Music Festival in Texas. A source says:
"Kirsten has fallen head over heels for Johnny. She met the band last week and immediately hit it off with him. They have been on the phone ever since and getting on like a house on fire. She flew all the way from LA to be in Texas with Johnny. It's the real deal - they're a proper item. They were snogging at the side of the stage. He was wearing an oversized leather jacket and playing air guitar and air drums. She was fluttering her eyelashes at him like a smitten teenager."
It's kind of incredible that the two least attractive people on Earth managed to find each other like this. Can you imagine what their kids would look like? Instead of teeth they'd just have jagged pieces of fungus coming out of their mouths.
Mar 19 2007Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie reshoot reality
Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were spotted reshooting a scene for The Simple Life because everybody knows reality requires careful scripting and multiple takes.
Moments before the scene, the "Simple Life" crew briefed the band of photogs waiting outside Hilton's home, telling them exactly what the two starlets would be doing in the next take. When Hilton and Richie emerged from Paris' pad, the smiling BFFs staged an "impromptu" photoshoot for cameras, before jumping into a waiting SUV which whisked the pair away. Minutes later, it brought them back. The girls then re-shot the exact same scene, to perfection if we might add, before retreating into Paris' place.
I can't figure out what's more depressing: that they actually had to reshoot a scene for a reality show or that Paris and Nicole screwed up walking down stairs and getting into a car so badly the producers felt it was necessary.
Mar 19 2007Rose McGowan almost lost her eye
Rose McGowan was in a car accident a few weeks ago and the accident pushed her glasses into her face, slicing into it. She was scared of scarring but found an excellent plastic surgeon. She says:
"I didn't realize I was hurt until I put my hand to my face and felt the flap of skin. My glasses had sliced me under my eye."
And that's basically why I stopped wearing glasses. Sure, everything looks blurry, but I think all the people at the mall I drove through yesterday will agree that it's totally worth it. At least they would if they could speak. Turns out blurry teenagers aren't as immune to being run over by a car as you'd think.
Mar 19 2007Tara Reid to open her own fast-food restaurant
Tara Reid is starting up her own fast-food joint called Ketchup and plans to open it in Los Angeles on March 31. She says:
"You probably won't see me behind the cash register, but I'll definitely be in the kitchen making sure everything is done right."
I know she has some experience in the restaurant business (she's also invested in Bella, Geisha House and The Shore), but she's not mentally capable of running a restaurant. The chef will be grilling a hamburger and she'll step in and go, "No, no, like this," and she'll pick it up and put it on her head. Then she'll walk around and squeeze ketchup on everybody while screaming "Pillow fight!"
Mar 19 2007Uma Thurman is single again
Not that anybody cares, but Uma Thurman and hotelier Andre Balazs have ended their three-year, on-again, off-again, relationship. Exciting news, isn't it? Did you wet your pants? Because I know I did. It's almost as exciting as watching competitive fishing. And NASCAR. At the same time.
And because it makes total sense, I included a shot of Uma Thurman spraying herself down with a hose.
