Feb 27 2007Britney Spears rehabs in style
Britney Spears reportedly booked an entire wing at the Promises treatment facility where she's currently in rehab. She allegedly wanted to avoid mixing with other patients and was also worried about stories being leaked to the media so she paid for every room in her wing. A source says:
"She wants all the rooms on her wing. It will cost her hundreds of thousands. If that's what she needs to get well, good for her."
I tried renting out all the rooms at rehab once, but the chick behind the counter said they didn't accept chewing gum and a paper clip as payment. Then when I handed her my credit card she threw it back at me and said it was a receipt from Denny's. Plus I ordered a donut and never got it. Man, rehab sucks.
Feb 27 2007Jenna Jameson looks like beef jerky
Jenna Jameson showed up to the 17th Annual Night Of 100 Stars Oscar Gala with Tito Ortiz looking like a, uh, this thing. I have no idea how these two even got in. Even if they were famous enough, you'd think the guy at the door would've stopped them and said, "Nuh uh. No mummies allowed." Isn't she supposed to be a famour pornstar? How is this possibly sexy? Her face looks like a giant tumor.
Feb 27 2007Paris Hilton kicks out Baby Luv
Paris Hilton has apparently gotten rid of her pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, because it kept scratching and biting her. Paris was trying to pose for pictures with the kinkajou on her shoulder at an event for Beverly Hill Choppers, but Baby Luv kept clawing and biting her until a handler finally grabbed the animal and put it back in its cage. A few days later, Baby Luv apparently bit Paris so badly she was rushed to the emergency room for a tetanus shot, and that's when Paris gave her the boot.
Paris Hilton clearly has no idea how to handle animals. She's like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. The animals are getting their bones broken by her and she's just softly repeating to herself, "So pretty."
Feb 27 2007Jennifer Love Hewitt has amazing boobs
Jennifer Love Hewitt showed up to The Envelope Please Oscar Viewing Party looking like her boobs traveled back in time to when they were spectacular. My God, they're mesmerizing. Godzilla could be fighting Chuck Norris in the background and I wouldn't notice. I don't even know what Jennifer Love Hewitt has done recently, but if I was presenting an Academy Award and she showed up like this I'd just start drooling and hand it over to her. The category wouldn't even matter. Best Sound Editing? Yeah, sure, whatever, just stay out of the way of my imaginary air-squeezing.
Feb 26 2007Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz share some weed
Did I miss something or is weed totally legal now? Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz were spotted in their bikinis getting high in what appears to be a public park. Although I can't tell if that's from the impaired judgement or because they're just stupid as hell. They could be doing this in the produce aisle of a supermarket and they still probably wouldn't realize where they were.
Feb 26 2007Petra Nemcova and James Blunt hate their fans
Last Friday in Los Angeles James Blunt and Petra Nemcova reportedly ran over a guy's foot who was trying to get their autograph. According to witnesses Blunt and Nemcova then drove off without even checking to see if the injured fan was okay (he wasn't, he was rolled away on a gurney).
I'm guessing they didn't bother checking on the guy because they were both too busy trying to figure out why or how they were with the other person. No matter how many times I see Petra Nemcova and James Blunt together I'm never gonna understand it. My brain just can't comprehend why she would choose to be with him. I might as well be looking at a picture of a dog walking a person. Dogs don't walk people! It's crazy!
Feb 26 2007Pink wears bikinis too
Pink was spotted at Miami beach in her bikini last week. At least I think it's Pink. I suspect the photographer may have gotten his photos of Pink mixed up with his photos of, well, a dude. Isn't there some unwritten rule against wearing a bikini if you look like this? She (he?) looks like she's three-quarters done with a sex-change operation, only I can't tell which gender she's switching from. I'm just glad she's wearing pants and not a bikini bottom, because by now her vagina probably looks like some sort of claw.
Feb 26 2007Jessica Biel doesn't need a bra
Jessica Biel obviously got my memo that bras are for losers, because she showed up to the Academy Awards without one. Now I just need to figure out if she got all my other memos. Although they're less 'memos' and more 'drawings of her naked.' I've found that the quickest way to a woman's heart is to send her drawings of stick figures with giant circle boobs. It's romantic and it's art.
A bunch more of Jessica Biel letting her breasts hang free after the jump.
