Feb 15 2007Britney Spears' ex-assistant expresses disapproval

Oh god, I'm so fed up of seeing this skank!

Clitney aside. Since when do the opinions of the help count?

Oh yeah, I forgot, never.

Britney=turn off and also first!

This can't be real. Her name means "happy ass". I know that can't be right because when I was boning her she kept screaming "no mas! no mas!"

Sounds more like she's off the wagon than the porch to me...

Oh, boo-fucking-hoo.

#4 - Your act is getting fucking lamer by the minute. You're not funny. What's scary, is you're actually starting to think you're me. That's just sad. I take pleasure in knowing that you're a low class individual. Go play with a nail gun. Thanks.

She had an assistant? Britney's gonna have to find another dork to pick up the cheetos and the Jack Daniels. That's a hard job. Then again, hanging around Britney to 'assist' her would suck ass.

That paragraph of garbage is so annoying I feel like my brain might implode. WHO CARES what you think, you freak show.

Felicia Culotta?
Is that her porn name, or the name of a character from the Austin Powers movies?

Who is that in the pic, BS or the assistant? Assuming that's BS, why is she so less than even average?! I mean, damn, with all that money and celebrity status, how do you let yourself become uglier than the average person?

RichPort I'm surprised you're showing your face here. You posted some fucked up repugnant shit on that thread about Anna Nicole's baby.

12 - I am surprised you have nto figured out that someone else is posting as RichPort. They changed their handle in TypeKey and are trolling... It is not RichPort...

@12, that all depends on which RichPort you are referring too. There's the real deal, and then the stalker, and his stalker's stalker, and that stalker's stalker and then the people who troll all of them.

Anyway, posting "fucked up repugnant shit" is what this place is all about.

Well... They are not all RichPort... The funny ones are RichPort... The lame ones are some douchebag...

Grape I'm with you on that. Whoever is writing for this blog is extrimely lame and not funny at all. I'll be back in a couple of months to check if they replaced this unamusing retard with apparent low self esteem.

I swear, you kick a guy in the dick a few dozen times and he has a vendetta against you for life. I thoroughly enjoy the banter here and the funny posters, but the troll shit is just beyond stupid at this point.

@17... What the hell is the deal anyway? It's just weird.

@16....You will be sorely missed, but I'm sure most of us, not all of us mind you, but MOST will SOMEHOW, manage to go on without you.

godspeed.

I don't know what the deal is, I just know some pussy is too scared to come at me. I'd much rather kick Britney in her Cesarean scar, but apparently I have to read this idiocy posted by some guy who falls in love with men online they'll never meet. Very "rabbit in the stew pot" if you ask me.

Slim, you are a funny motherfucker.

Its not a marriage proposal. Its about their sex life. Didn't Britney's ex say that she was a sex addict?

"I cannot love her enough for the both of us."

This translates to I had a lot of sex with her but it still wasn't enough.

"You can just kick an old Dog so many times before he gets off the porch. I, FELICIA, am OFF the porch"

She liked to get rough with me in bed but I had too many bruises so I had to end it.

WHAT A FUCKING TRAILER TURD POTATO HEADED PIECE OF DISEASED SHIT. WHY DIDNT THIS SLUTS MOTHER USE CONTRACEPTION WHEN SHE COULD HAVE. FUCKING NASTY WHORES.

@20... It's very creepy. I hope he doesn't know any personal stuff about you. He's a tad excessive.

#23 - I think you should tell us how you really feel. Don't hold back... you're amongst friends.

I just hope the whore dies soon.

#24 - Nothing I wouldn't tell anyone else I just kicked in the nuts.

What exactly is an assistant to Britany Spears? A designated driver? Does being in her employ for 9 years certify one to care for the mentally handicapped? Does anyone not see this as a preamble to the inevitable book deal? Let's break Ms. Culotta's e-mail down, shall we? "Cherish ALL the incredible opportunities" read as free drugs and sex with doped up celebs. "Cannot convince her in ANY way to love herself" she tried to turn Brit on to masturbation, to give the cootch a rest, but to no avail. "I'm so Southern" product of incest. "I, FELICIA, am OFF the porch" Seacrest out.

Oooooh....Jules seems to be the Grand Poobah......I'm surprised you're showing your face here...........shut the fuck up. I'm surprised you figured out that all those funny shapes on the buttons you push down on make words come out.

I think Felicia Culotta is the funniest name I have ever heard.

That or Huge Jass

Or maybe Harry Wang...

low class ugly fat bitch.

I hope britney throws all her money away. The world is better with her bankrupt.

Amanda Hugginkiss

#29 There's no need for that. I'm a noob here and others already explained what I missed, without being hostile. I'm reading the older stuff and now I see what they're talking about. If there was a way to delete a comment, I'd do it for #12.

@28...whatever being her assitant entails there are TWO prerequisites:

1. having a stunted/non-existent sense of smell

2. having a license to handle hazardous substances

Those who don't have that need not apply

Okay. See, I'm an amicable and agreeable Jrz.

I, MAGICKAL, don't give a fuck!

I'm seriously sick and fucking tired of this filthy piece of crotch rot. There was that one minute in November when it seemed as though she was going to pull it together, but, alas, she is just a backwoods piece of trailer trash so, she's actually managed to find a way to sink to an all time low on a weekly basis now.

P.S. - Oh, Jules, thou art so naive. And cunty.

Haywood Jablowme. Ba-dum-bum!

Mike Hunt

Jack Hoffmeister

#25 don't lie to the pervtard. no one likes him.

If you're all sick of reading about her, then STOP!!!! No one is making you. I think that what she does is her own choice and everyone has hard times. It's not effecting you so who cares. You all just wish that your life got this much attention!!!

I know you say you don't understand because you are trying to be humorous but you can catch Felicia's full email at http://trent.blogspot.com/. It really lays it all out for you and hopefully then you'll get it.

BS didn't need an assistant anyway. She seems to be doing just fine developing her skanky white-trash image all on her own.

WAY TO GO BRIT -- nice to see at least one celeb doing something on her own, without assistants/-ance. Now, if only you could add bathing to your list of skills.

Christ, it's hard to tell who's more uneducated, Britney or her employees. I've lived in the south all my life and have never heard "You can just kick an old Dog so many times before he gets off the porch." That doesn't even make any goddam sense.

Does anybody really give a rat's ass that Felicia is "off the porch"? Moron. Wouldn't it have been easier to say, "There's not enough money in the world to make me clean barf out of her car one more time"?

Speaking of Pop Music, can anybody help me out, here?

About a month ago, I heard the beginning of a song on my local top 40 station, and it began with notes that sounded like they were played on a flute. Kinda went like this:

Doo, doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Dooo dooo

Driving me nuts. Anybody know which song I mean?

Please help :/

I'm embarassed to know this, but this woman has been with Britney since the beginning. She is a friend of the family from Kentwood. I could be wrong but I would like to believe that this woman actually cares for Britney.

If she's willing to walk away from her I guess things are really that bad with her partying and such.

Britney will go Anna Nicole is less than five years.

Gfun loves Cltney!, Gfun love Cltney! he loves her soooooooo much that he came HERE to defend her honor.

Gfun, can I call you G'dawg?

G'dawg take a moment to read up on what this site is all about so you don't end up looking like an ass 'dawg.

again

Wally - i posted to you under ANS baby.

Money can't buy common sense or self esteem - poor little rich girl needs to go do a year's worth of charity and hard labor without the pavarotti's and her and her self-esteem and her kids will be better off.

"You can just kick an old Dog so many times before he gets off the porch."

Yeah that is nonsense, isn't it? I think it's a garbled version of the proverb, "You have to kick the wigger so many times before he'll get off the porchmonkey." Apparently she was referring to how Brit lured KFed away from Shar Jackson.

Hi. Me again with the song question. Somebody must know. I'll check back a little later :)

@46/52.. Did it have any 'Deet Dee Deet Deets' in it? I don't know, the second line of Doos is throwing me off.

Where's JULIABELLA? I want to make fun of the Canadians and it's always easier when they provide the material.

#54 Amen, sister!

Canada is a very funny place to live regardless, we don't need help. Our national hobby is bitching about the US while watching American Idol on a US station on our US made TV's while listening to American music artists and eating Macdonalds. Of course Canadian TV consists of hockey games, bad sitcom's and left wing bitchfests on the CBC so I can't really blame anyone.

Yes the great white north has no shortage of of snow or hypocrisy, believe me.

Howie Feltersnatch

PS. Her hair looks greasier every time I see it.

Hey Sid... is it the Titanic theme song?

52, 58: Thanks for pithcing in :)

"Did it have any 'Deet Dee Deet Deets' in it? I don't know, the second line of Doos is throwing me off."

Is there any song you know which has the "Deet Dee Deet Deets" that you can name? That might be it, as we may hear "doos" adn "deets" differently. But these seemed to be lower "doos"

This was just the beginning part of it, as I recall. It was on one of those awful top-40 stations, so I know it's recent. I know I've heard it more than once, but those notes won't leave me alone.

"Hey Sid... is it the Titanic theme song?"

No, but thanks for suggesting. That does start with a flute, but it's a real flute, and sounds delcate. These notes were synthesized.

I might have one note wrong, perhaps, but it's still a lot of "doos." Almost sounds like the notes produced by wetting the top of a glass and rubbing it.

Doo, doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Dooo dooo

I'll check back :)

Pre-KFed, when Brit's last CD came out, there was a special about her touring clubs and Felicia was shown quite a bit. She seems like a very nice, level headed person who was diligent with all the behind-the-scenes stuff she had to do for Britney. Being a PA for a celeb is actually a big pain in the butt - really demanding.
I think she had also been a childhood friend of Britney's. I can imagine she got fed up with Britney's crap and her destructive lifestyle. I believe her that she cares about Brit and tried to help, but if it was me, I'd be at the point of bailing, too, if I had a friend who was being as STUPID as Britney is being.
And let me add, Brit has such a big ass forehead she really should stop pulling her hair back in a sloppy bun or whatever that is. She looks more like a man than a woman.

#46 - are you talking about Top 40 in the 80's 'cause it sounds like "Down Under" by Men at Work -
To all posters - I LOVE YOU FUCKING PEOPLE - you always give me the laugh I need!!!!

No one has mentioned Pat McGroin or his twin brother Phil McGroin.

Who cares what Britney does really!!, everyone knows she is pining after K-Fed and thats ok she should she married him.

I could care less who she fucks, i could care less what she drinks, people think she is being a bad parent?, well guess what! She grew up being her parents cash cow, she has never had the chance to do anything but exactly what her mother wanted her to do . If her kids are with trained professionals and are being taken care of then who gives a shit!!
Its not like she took them to the nightclub with her
There are many Hollywood freaks who leave their kids with nannies and no-one puts them on the front page of everything.
God damn leave the girl alone.

haha...i love the website

#63 - most likely those other celebs aren't seen as a role model by young girls.

Britney got tired of being her parent's cash cow and so she thought she'd be happy if she got married and had a baby. She did that and now she's bored and moving on. Those kids were the fad of the moment to her and I think she's mega selfish. If she didn't have nannies, CPS would be knocking on her door. The rich get away with almost anything.

#56 No! All wrong. you sound like someone I would share a bag of chips with while encouraging each other to say something obnoxious. We want JULIABELLA fake french accent, overblown opinion of herself, opinions about everything else that doesn't make any sense, moderately hateful, stupid, hasn't been laid in about 8 years and blames it on George Bush. Now THAT'S Canadian.

I love thesuperficial. that shit just made me laugh out loud for real...

61: "Down Under," by Men at Work

Kinda sounds to me like:

Doo doo doo dooo-eww doop
Doo doo doo doo dee doo doo doo-eww doop

Thanks, but no, that's not it. But, yes, you're right about the flute, there. I didn't even realize that Celine and Men at Work had songs that began like that.

It has to be recent, as I don't remember hearing it before last month, and it was on an awful top 40 station. Hmmm :/

Doo, doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Dooo dooo

I will check back :)

Sid,

Is it "Just Can't Get Enough" by Depeche Mode? Very synthesized and flutie at the beginning.

@68

I'm not great with beats, but it reminds me of "Laffy Taffy" by D4L.

It's not very flutey during any part of the song, but the beat reminds me of it.

Sorry if this didn't help...

Megan

OK, Sid, this is my last guess. Is it True Colors by Cyndi Lauper? The flutie wet glass sound is throughout, especially at the end. It's bad, it's 80's, it's Cyndi!

sid, I'd love to help you but I'm a heterosexual male. Sorry.

my god i just spit liquid out of my mouth, laughing at your commentary. i'm here for your comments more than i am for the gossip.

have you ever considered snl?

*homosexual*, fuck, ...

You may actually believe that you are trolled by only one person, but then you are clearly not too bright.

Oh, and about the "ball kicking" thing. How exactly did you inflict multiple ball kickings on your tormentors? You are impotent, and owned by anyone who chooses to post as you and dilute your "brand" for sheer sport.

G'night fucktard ;^)

Five easy steps to troll the Port, and you know you want to :

1. Go to www.typekey.com ^

2. Log in with your id and password.

3. Change your nickname to RichPort.

4. Save changes.

5. Have fun!

Why does Britney Spears look like a fuckin' big bag of horrible twats all the time? Also who gives a fuck about this shit? You're all gay.

Tracy, Astrid...

Thanks for trying :)

But, it's not Depeche Mode or Cyndi (hey, I like Cyndi. hee hee). I went to Amazon to look up Laffy Taffy, and it's not that, either.

I know I can't keep bugging you all over this, but the Doos are kinda slow. Depeche Mode was kinda fast for that song. My fault, as I didn't mention it earlier.

I'll check back tomorrow.

Thanks again :)

68 Sid -
Perhaps it's Suite: Judy Blue Eyes by Crosby Stills & Nash. No flutie wet glass sounds, but the chorus is all doo doos.
If one kicks a dog off the porch, does that require someone to hold the dog, or is the dog placed on a kicking tee, or is it more like a punt?

Lobo-- I think the trick to successfully kicking the dog off the porch is the element of surprise. Tiptoe, tiptoe, KICK!

Sid-- It would be helpful to know if a woman or a man sings the song. You could also post a link to a site where you hum the song. HMMMMMMMMM.....

I find it interesting to see that assistants can't write emails any better than the celebrities can. This proves that Brit was an idiot to hire this assistant in the first place. Felicia Culotta and Brit would be better off to hire ghost writers. See what the Cabala does to people/entertainment/divas?

46/SID
This is probably wrong but I now have a song that I have stuck in my head as a result of trying to think it up!

Tom's Diner by Suzanne Vega??? Old song but was def a hit at the time.

SHE

IS AN

UGLY POTATO HEADED

PIECE OF FAT SHIT

#75 - I have no idea why, but I'm apparently everything you wish you were. If I wasn't so bright, you'd be attacking someone else. And it's not the attacks that I mind, it's the pussy factor where you can't come at me because, understandably, your self-esteem is already at an all time low. My brand? See you really do worship my presence, though I will say, I've apparently, yet again, touched a nerve with you. I'd love to entertain you with a seven course meal, then feed you to starving pigs.

hahaha i just love your comments....i didn`t understand shit of what she said either

Felicia Colotta mixed with Alotta Vagina (from the Austin Powers movie)........gives you Alotta Colotta.....now thats a name!!!!!

Rich - don't forget a nice Chianti and some faaava beans.

Reading Sid's comments and the responses are giving me such a chuckle--you guys are hilarious! Hope you discover the name of the tune before the weekend, Sid! ;)

#89 it also give the name Felicia Vagina...which is what Brit's next baby will be named

87. I was wrong, you are one funny cock whore!

"If I wasn't so bright, ( even more mindless shit deleted )."

Damn, you have a warped self-image. I eagerly await the moment when you elect to reveal the ability for cognition on any ( let alone an advanced ) level. By all means, impress me with your brilliance ;^)

Anonimity is for spineless bitches.

Lobo, NotANiceGirl: Thanks, but it's not CSN, as that's too old, and yes, the Suzanne Vega thing is like this:

Doot doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doot doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo

Doot doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo
Doot doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo...

Then she starts signing/talking.

Lemme do mine again:

Dooooo, doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Dooo doooo

This song is recent, as it was played a couple times within the last month of a local all-hit station. Nobody is actually singing "doo" at the start; it's a synthesized flute type sound, which kinda sounds like the sound you get from playing aglass xylophone:

Dooooo, doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Doo-doo-doo-doo dooo
Dooo doooo

Wild Rose: Yeah, I hope I find it, too. If the songs weren't being played by a computer I could just ask the DJ :/

Jesus, now I've got Suzanne Vega stuck in my head :(

Probably a bad time to hear it.

Help :P

@95... Well, if it's a recent top 40... I haven't a clue. Every time I see those 'Doo Doos' I think of 'Everything She Does Is Magic', but without the 'Da da das'. So, that's been in my head.

To clarify, I know the 'Doo Doos' aren't actual lyrics that you're referring to, but I hear them as Doo Doos.

Sid, your best bet is to go to a record store and do the "doo doo doo" thing and see what they come up with. Yeah it's dorky but odds are they'll know what you're asking for.

LyraBelacqua: Hmmm, as it IS a recent song, that does make sense :)

I will.

Thanks to all who helped and tried to.

Thank you :)

#65,
I doubt britney has been a role model for any young girl since the 90's.
And even if she were who cares, she is entitled to live her life, she doesn't have to watch hat she does just because there might be a stupid 13 yr old girl out there who might take it the wrong way.
Also who are you to say that she is bored with her life?, there are plenty of people with kids who go out, they just don't have cameras following them where ever they go.

The CPS would not be knocking on her door, because she has ever proven that she has put her children in danger.

i don't like her style of parenting either, but i do know what its like to be a young mother, and i wouldn't like it if there were camera's up my ass every 2 seconds making my silly mistakes world wide news to call em a bad mother.

Hmm..it's pretty low to compare yourself to a dog. One time someone told me a looked like a "cute widdle puppy" and I slapped them.

yeah, well, didn't you figure out she's a little crazy with all the time you spent with her?