Feb 9 2007Anna Nicole Smith definitely died of something
Anna Nicole Smith's autopsy was performed this morning and the police held a press conference saying there was no evidence that her death was a crime. The medical examiner said no pills were found in her stomach, although the final determination of the cause of death will take another three to five weeks. He did rule out any physical injury, such as blunt force trauma, gunshot wounds, or asphyxia (meaning she didn't suffocate to death on her own vomit), and said the death could only be attributed to natural or chemical causes.
Also, a search of Anna Nicole's hotel room showed no illegal drugs, although prescription medicines were found in the name of Howard K. Stern, and included Valium, methadone (part of the deadly combination that killed her son), antibiotics, and other over-the-counter drugs including cold and flu medicines.
So there you have it. The mystery of Anna Nicole Smith's death is finally solved. And by solved I mean it's even more confusing now than when we started. Halfway through the police investigation they're gonna discover a giant rubber chicken suit and it's gonna somehow play a vital role in all this. And then a man with one glass eye will step forward and throw the entire case off the trail.
Reader Comments
1. Brak - February 9, 2007 1:35 PM
... the Hell?
2. trashtalker - February 9, 2007 1:36 PM
so sad.
3. clarkehead - February 9, 2007 1:37 PM
So does this mean it'll continue to dominate the news for another week? I miss the NASA chick in her diapers.
4. Nia - February 9, 2007 1:41 PM
Are all the other celebrities on vacation or something?
5. lulu - February 9, 2007 1:45 PM
Those eyes were dead even back then ...
6. lulu - February 9, 2007 1:46 PM
Those eyes were dead even back then ...
7. misanthrope - February 9, 2007 1:53 PM
So... she's still dead.
8. iburl - February 9, 2007 1:55 PM
Molly Ivins died too..... aw nevermind.
9. wedge1 - February 9, 2007 2:01 PM
#3 is right, the only thing that's tragic about this story is that it knocked the diapered astronaut right off the front page. now we'll never know if she got so emotional that she dropped a deuce during her drive.
10. Amy3000 - February 9, 2007 2:03 PM
Stern Killed her...I'd bet money on it.
11. SmyLee - February 9, 2007 2:04 PM
Duh. NASA had her whacked.
12. Argyle - February 9, 2007 2:05 PM
So sad. And by sad I mean hystericalarious.
13. Richie Rich - February 9, 2007 2:06 PM
Of course the drugs were in Howie's name....for Anna's privacy. So what.
14. jc - February 9, 2007 2:07 PM
Wow she looks like the Bewitched cartoon in this pic!
15. DrBob2607 - February 9, 2007 2:07 PM
Is it me, or does she always look like Mr.Ed the talking horse with those lips and teeth?
Jesus, WTF is it with all these freaks climbing out of the woodwork claiming to be the father of her baby - especially now the kid may be worth $250 Mil... Christ, the next thing you know Michael Jackson will be on TV saying he's the dad. How weird is this going to get??
16. theflipflopgirl - February 9, 2007 2:07 PM
Anna Nicole Smith is hotter than ever and I do find it sad and possibly fascinating. I haven't really kept up with Anna Nicole Smith before her death but now, that she's dead, I'm sort of interested. No one can say this person was a talent, or a radiant personality. What does she leave behind? Nothing. Nothing except all this drama between a lot of creepy little minor characters. Well, that alone could be fun. Maybe Dominick Dunne needs to sort through this mess and whip something up that is truly engaging.
17. misanthrope - February 9, 2007 2:07 PM
So the drugs were in Howard's name, eh? That is so surprising.
18. Praz - February 9, 2007 2:12 PM
I seriously doubt that it takes more than a week to get a toxicology report. Anyways, it's just pathetic that methadone was part of the reason her son died a few months ago and yet she kept abusing it.
19. crazybroad - February 9, 2007 2:15 PM
Oh, this and the last one makes this almost much more fun that when she was alive. This is better than ...
Oh I dunno, this is pretty good. Wouldn't be surprised if the rubber chicken was the REAL father.
20. Mandy - February 9, 2007 2:18 PM
Refer to comment #22 on the prior post, that should sum all of this hoopla up. The only person this is really sad for is the baby.
21. UVALAX24 - February 9, 2007 2:20 PM
What happens to those two giant balloons she had? Who gets those?
22. Ted...From LA - February 9, 2007 2:23 PM
I just can't believe that astronaut got out on bail. She has to be an extreme flight risk to leave the counrty... or for that mattter, the planet.
23. Richie Rich - February 9, 2007 2:34 PM
Tranquilizers and Methadone when used together produce a Heroin high. I feel sorry for ANS. Whatever.
24. fuctheworld - February 9, 2007 2:35 PM
Yea today I even heard that Michael Jackson is claiming to be the father of her baby...
but it did not wear a blanket or a feather mask so I doubt it is true...
25. Richie Rich - February 9, 2007 2:41 PM
In that pic, ANS is wearing a 3/4 caplet wig. You can't see the roots on the crown of her head. Howie K. Stern probably borrows them and dances in the mirror with his whatnots tucked in.
26. PunjabPete - February 9, 2007 2:47 PM
13 - I don't think it would be a big deal if we were talking Dimetap and salve for her yeast infection. Those would be OK for her lawyer to get her as a matter privacy. Methadone? Come on!!!
Just imagine.... She pops a methadoen to cut her jones, is taking an antibiotic for the flu, downing cough syrup for the symptoms, and taking valium to sleep...
There is little question where this train is heading....
27. PunjabPete - February 9, 2007 2:50 PM
OK. Want to see some funny shit?
Someone go the the zoo... Throw a cardboard sign that says "I am the father" into the nearest primate exibit. Is anyone not the father at this point?
28. Richie Rich - February 9, 2007 2:52 PM
^#26 Methadone for the old boobie back pain she always complained about. I'm not a detective. The son got it for backpain. Some doctor may have been bedazzled by her. Who knows.
29. sdtangler - February 9, 2007 2:53 PM
Isn't it wierd that everything that stood in the way of Howard K. Stern inheriting a $400 million estate is now taken care of?
- HKS claims to be the father of ANS's daughter
- HKS married ANS just to make sure
- ANS's son Daniel mysteriously dies
- ANS mysteriously dies
???
Another thing that really bugs me, if HKS really loved ANS, why did he let her have Methadone and Valium in her possession after that mix already killed Daniel????? This is all just too convenient.
But her son would have to also be dead and he'd have to be the father of her baby daughter...um...wow...
30. JessicaCha - February 9, 2007 2:56 PM
Please superfish... the 3-5 weeks its going to take to get the autopsy toxicology report.... how bout no more ANS til then... tired of the re-caps... bc I honestly didnt care much for her, thought she was a strung out flusie.... and wasnt suprised to hear she died.... especially not for two days straight now...
sorry so honest,
jess
31. Richie Rich - February 9, 2007 3:01 PM
I wonder what's in ANS's will. Time will tell!
32. PunjabPete - February 9, 2007 3:06 PM
Her will.... Written by HKS no doubt... Boy I wonder...
33. MrSemprini - February 9, 2007 3:22 PM
Here's a new theory being floated around: Daniel is DannieLynn's father. Your guess is as good as mine (let's compare notes...heh heh, heh heh) as to how but considering the drugged up state those two have been in, anything is possible. Only problem we have now is that if Dannie is the product of an incestuous relationship AND her mother was taking whatever chunk of pharmacy over the course of the pregnancy, how long before her sentience awakes and we all get sucked up in the force that will be known only as "The Dannie Zone". Whoops, gotta go. Sirens.
34. poop - February 9, 2007 3:25 PM
Superficial is such teh gay now. Seems like you bite your information off perezhilton. LAME-O.
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35. poop - February 9, 2007 3:25 PM
Superficial is such teh gay now. Seems like you bite your information off perezhilton. LAME-O.
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36. Triumph Insult Dog - February 9, 2007 3:30 PM
Howard K. Stern, her "husband" and father of that child (maybe) stands to get all of the millions and millions that Anna was due.
Do the math! The old man died first, then his stepson, than Anna's son, and now Anna. COME ON, it's like a bad episode of "Law & Order"!!
Peace.
http://www.blackbeatpress.com
37. Lowlands - February 9, 2007 3:36 PM
It becomes more crazily and crazier.How will this end?Anna Nicole Smith was pretending she's dead?
38. p0nk - February 9, 2007 3:42 PM
poop, perezHilton called, they found a brain for you.
39. Lowlands - February 9, 2007 3:42 PM
(37)That would be the craziest.
40. Fifth Stooge - February 9, 2007 3:51 PM
FUCK YOU ponk! You piece of poop.
41. p0nk - February 9, 2007 3:51 PM
perhaps she thought that 'baring her teeth' was meant to be sexy, but i think it more closely resembles a rabid opossum.
42. AnnoyingPseud - February 9, 2007 4:00 PM
Harkening back to RichPort's comment about HKS's use of her wiglets & dancing. Okay, now I'm picturing Stern as Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs, with Anna's little poodle [remember she had one on that reality show of hers], wearing her outfits now, hoping to get possession of the body after the Med Examiner's office is done with it, skinning it, and making himself an Anna Suit. You know, to wear to less formal events & whatnot.
43. Lowlands - February 9, 2007 4:04 PM
We all know perezhilton is friends with 'celebrities'.I won't be surprised if 'diva/patroness' Anna nicole Smith have really known him.Maybe he's on the inheritance list and is the lucky one who's gonna get her pink tanktop.
44. Lowlands - February 9, 2007 4:08 PM
I'll bet his boobs are almost the same size.
45. dannielynn'sdaddy - February 9, 2007 4:11 PM
Perez Hilton is the only person I know that makes Brandon Davis look hygenic.
46. Lowlands - February 9, 2007 4:12 PM
Where's Richport when you need him?!
47. AnnoyingPseud - February 9, 2007 4:14 PM
Okay, everyone go read the bullshit that the twats at Trimspa.com posted over there - it's enough to make me vomit into my mouth more than a little.
www.trimspa.com - the splash page is a triple shot of Anna & the CEO's statement, calling Howard K. Stern "her husband". AS IF. The fact is, HKS didn't have a legally recognized marriage in the US. It was a sham/ceremony for PR purposes only. And it's bogus that Anna named Stern as the dad on the kid's birth certificate. She probably was given a few choices: Santa Claus, Scooby Doo, Howard K. Stern, old Mr. Marshall [the dead one] or Brad Pitt. While she wanted to choose Pitt as the daddy, and Scooby Doo came in a close 2nd, ultimately, maternity nurses decided that cartoon sperm weren't usually viable outside of Toontown, and Pitt had been busy carrying Angie's handbag, leaving only a dead man, a mythical figure from Germany & a live Jew as contenders for the father of little Dannielyn. The nurses ultimately chose the Jew because they knew Santa had fathered all the elves he could've possibly fathered back 2 centuries ago. They split on the dead Mr. Marshall, but he lost to one vote from a proxy, hence Stern the Jew was named father.
That's how it REALLY happened. I know because I checked Fox's website for "Dirt", the new trash show starring Courtney Cocks.
48. Foxbase Alpha - February 9, 2007 4:34 PM
Doesn't OJ live in Florida now? Maybe he did it!
49. Mr. Ed - February 9, 2007 4:36 PM
Such a sad day for all the 90 year old billionaires out there. There goes their final chance for one last blowjob
50. brain - February 9, 2007 4:36 PM
She wasn't made for that business.
51. wedge1 - February 9, 2007 4:41 PM
Good thing that this is Friday. No new ANS posts by the Fish for the next couple of days.
Get plenty of rest, my lovelies. Monday is sure to be a real bitch, keeping up with all of the ANS developments.
52. katzie - February 9, 2007 4:48 PM
#8
I feel like nobody here knows who Molly Ivins is besides me and you. haha.
On topic of Anna Nicole--
she may have done some questionable things in her life, but shes had a hard life despite it all. She put her son in the ground, she had an awful mother, her husband (even if she did just marry him for money) died, she was in horrible emotional pain and it probably did force her to drink or take drugs, this is just an awful story
53. blogista - February 9, 2007 4:59 PM
Hey, isn't that Ann Margret?
Ann Margret is dead!?
54. Gwen - February 9, 2007 5:08 PM
This cements it...Anna Nicole Smith is now officially an icon. An icon of what, exactly, I'm not quite sure. But she's definitely an icon of something.
55. Lowlands - February 9, 2007 5:10 PM
After she married an already dying corpus,i still can't feel the pity for her.
56. Giggles - February 9, 2007 5:26 PM
Hey Amy3000 --- I'm starting to think that too.
How many people have mysteriously died around you? Howard K. has been there in "mysterious" deaths twice in 5 months. Hum........what are the odds of that?
57. licklick - February 9, 2007 5:54 PM
Fuck her and her cheap existence.
Nothing about her compels compassion. There are vastly more important things in the world than some fatuous cunt with the morals of a stray cat.
58. licklick - February 9, 2007 5:57 PM
#8 has got the goods. RIP Molly.
59. hobieluv83 - February 9, 2007 6:05 PM
I'm even more convinced Stern did it. However, I bet he'll never get convicted for it or it'll become a cold case and get solved years down the road with some kind of new evidence.
In my book, although she may have overdosed, Stern should still remain suspect numero uno for being the one to administer those drugs and play off the weakness of her own gullibility, lonliness and past drug habits...
1. He is a lawyer and thereforen likely have knowledge of inheritance laws.
2. If Daniel had outlived Anna, he would have stood to inherit her estate. Being that Daniel has no biological relation to Howard K. Stern, Stern would have gained nothing.
3. Eliminate the son, but not before impregnating a woman with your child. Son is gone and upon Anna's death the infant becomes sole inheritor.
4. Because she is an infant, the biological father would stand to be the trustee of all inheritance until the child is of age.
Also, Stern was there when Daniel died and while he was with Anna in Florida, he was mysteriously absent from the hotel at the time of her death.
60. greensleeves - February 9, 2007 6:18 PM
No kidding! God love Molly Ivins!
It really is sad that even posthumousely, celebrity trainwrecks like ANS get more coverage than truly great Americans.
I think that we are culturally fascinated with self-destructive behavior - like watching an accident on the freeway, or Lindsey any day of the week.
61. greensleeves - February 9, 2007 6:22 PM
#59 I agree with your logic on Stern.
However, if he were truly a saavy attourney, he would have married her before the baby was born. Then, she would have been the natural progeny of the union and there would be no substantive challenge for paternity.
62. greensleeves - February 9, 2007 6:26 PM
#34 "Poop" I believe you call yourself? (How apropos..)
Would you be a dear and get the hell off of this site and stop clogging up our pages with your PerezHilton spam?
63. FashionPundit - February 9, 2007 7:35 PM
THE FASHION PUNDIT IS COMING...
THE FASHION PUNDIT IS COMING...
THE FASHION PUNDIT IS COMING...
THE FASHION PUNDIT IS COMING...
FASHIONPUNDIT.COM
64. spottedtan - February 9, 2007 8:27 PM
Got a little hint for you Einstein....
If she's dead...OF COURSE she died of something...people just don't drop dead for no reason....unless they're like Britney and don't change their undies and rip their assholes off from the crotch buildup when they finally take them off!
65. Carrie bites - February 9, 2007 9:21 PM
At least if she died of a drug OD, she died just like (and oddly enough, close to the same age as) her idol--Marilyn Monroe.
ANS claimed that Miss Monroe whispered to her from the afterlife.. ..
66. RachelSunshine - February 9, 2007 9:22 PM
I think Howard was kind of plotting this.
67. LyraBelacqua - February 9, 2007 9:25 PM
Imagine a woman with the body of Anna and the brain of Molly Ivins. She would take over the world.
68. Ted...From LA - February 10, 2007 7:11 AM
Imagine a woman with the body of Molly Ivins and the brain of Anna. She would not be able to get a job or get laid.
69. stefaniee <3 - February 10, 2007 8:03 AM
obv. she died of drug overdose
70. Chemicakitty - February 10, 2007 8:49 AM
Hey guys, how long do you think it'll be before we get 'ANS: The Movie'...?
71. Regnig - February 10, 2007 8:51 AM
Hey 22 - that is the funniest shit I've heard in days... so good in fact, that I had to call someone else and read it to them. Way to go and keep it coming!
72. Roughdaddy1 - February 10, 2007 10:24 AM
wow it all making sense now, the baby could be that old fools kid, I cant believe she is so damn calculated to froze his sperm,,, and what kind of douche is howard k stern to go along with this cherade when he knows its not his...
73. woodhorse - February 10, 2007 3:32 PM
I second #46. I'm tired of reading about ANS. I'll wait for the movie to come out.EVERYONE GO TO CARPEMUNDUS.COM FOR SOMEONE HOT TO LOOK AT.
74. wink - February 10, 2007 4:26 PM
I'm sorry for ANS unfortunate passing BUT ...NEVER laugh off the rubber chicken suit theory, NEVER....It's no more strange and tragic than the other things that have happened in ANS life....
75. woodhorse - February 10, 2007 6:37 PM
#29, I am thinking what you're thinking but maybe God wants Stern to have all the money! Maybe that's why everyone is mysteriously dropping like flies. It will be sad that Danielynn will develop a slowly weakening condition which will leave her dead on her 18th birthday though. But what God wants, God gets!!
76. RichPort - February 10, 2007 7:40 PM
Um, "poop", I'm thinkin' GAY PEREZHILTON is more relevant. A typo perhaps?
RPLTC, with the white hot intensity of 10000 suns.
77. AnnoyingPseud - February 10, 2007 10:41 PM
"I feel like nobody here knows who Molly Ivins is besides me and you. haha."
Oh, I know as I have her books [brilliant crazy bright woman]. I had no idea she kicked the bucket. What a blasted week afterall. RIP dear Molly. Nevermore shall we enjoy your skewering of that rabbit face fucker, Geo Shrub.
I say the Shrub had poor Molly killed off by the CIA.
78. AnnoyingPseud - February 10, 2007 10:50 PM
Bummer, I did a Google and poor Molly indeed passed away on Jan. 31st of breast cancer. Third battle, and she lost it. You go Old Girl! She gave us embattled liberals something to look forward to when we read her column. I can't believe I missed this actually IMPORTANT news. Versus the waste of inches devoted to the pathetic ANS issue. Molly actually did good in this world; ANS did nothing but shake her huge fake jugs at America & the world. Which pretty much informs me that the world is so fucked up, it makes me want to puke.
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/01/washington/01ivins.html?ex=1185944400&en=6a9711941967ca5a&ei=5087&excamp=GGGNmollyivinsdead
NYTimes about Molly....read it if you didn't know her or her work. And read it if you did.
79. NicotineEyePatch - February 11, 2007 4:43 AM
After seeing this snapshot I'd suggest the police not rule out 'super sexiness' as the cause of death.
80. Marlynn - February 11, 2007 8:15 AM
Stay away from the Methadone folks. My cousin just overdosed on that. Isn't that what they give heroin addicts to help curve their appetite? Yeah, it is. It is a form of morphine I believe.
81. wedge1 - February 11, 2007 7:42 PM
Molly Ivins was a cheap slut. She even let Bill Clinton rub one off on her face - while he was running for Governor of Arkansas. Now that's a slut.
82. HollywoodSnark - March 24, 2007 5:55 PM
i guess that narrows it down....lol