Mar 2 2007Lindsay Lohan sort of kind of shows her nipple
Lindsay Lohan was spotted at Les Deux in Hollywood wearing a sheer top with no bra on. And even with the terrible lighting conditions that thing is see-through. Is it possible she doesn't even realize it? She probably rubs herself down with butter and then heads off to meetings thinking she's in an Armani suit.
Mar 2 2007Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen look, uh, nice?
Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were spotted shopping in Paris. And even though they both look like idiots, at least Ashley looks like she made it through the evolutionary process. If I didn't tell you who this was you probably would've thought it was photographic evidence of the missing link.
Mar 2 2007Nicole Richie might be engaged
Nicole Richie and Joel Madden sparked engagement rumors when they visited a Los Angeles jewelry store last week and looked at engagement rings. Then on Wednesday Nicole Richie was spotted getting coffee with a turned-around diamond ring on her wedding finger. They've only been dating for a few months but the two are also reportedly house hunting together.
I don't really care about the story, I'm just impressed Nicole Richie managed to carry her entire month's supply of food in both hands.
Mar 2 2007Paris Hilton brags about sex tape
Back in 2003, Paris Hilton claimed she was horrified when "One Night in Paris" (her sex tape with Rick Salomon) was released. But during Patrick Whitesell's post-Oscars party, Paris Hilton and Rick Salomon were allegedly bragging about how they each made $1 million off the tape.
So basically Paris Hilton released the sex tape on purpose for attention and money. Is this really surprising? If you could peer into her soul it'd just be dollar signs and a giant mirror. And maybe a monkey picking its nose.
Mar 2 2007Bobby Brown bailed out by radio station
Bobby Brown was arrested in Massachusetts last Sunday for not paying child support, and a radio station offered to pay his $19,150.00 bail in exchange for a week's worth of work. Hot 99.5 says:
We will have security, transportation, accommodations and everything to make Bobby feel like the star that he is. He accepted! "We are really doing it for his children, we sympathize with Bobby and hope that this will give him a head start and will put him back on track", said Kane.
Didn't this guy used to be famous? Shouldn't he have more money than, what, zero? You've fallen pretty fucking hard when you have to accept janitorial offers from radio stations to stay out of jail. In another year Bobby Brown will be the guy who unclogs toilets at the DMV. Only he won't even be that guy. He'll be the guy who's working for that guy.
Mar 1 2007Britney Spears in bikini right before rehab
Here are the rest of the shots of Britney Spears in a borrowed bikini right before checking herself into rehab for the second time. Notice how smooth her legs are? That's because before getting the bikini she stripped down to her underwear and shaved them in the pool bathroom. You can't buy class like that. You can't even rent it. I'm surprised she's not in a top hat and monocle, taking a sip of tea with her pinky extended, and saying, "That's mahvelous, dear."
Mar 1 2007Britney Spears leaves rehab again...sort of
This barely counts as news, but Britney Spears left rehab last night to attend an AA meeting in Santa Monica. She was escorted to the support group by her assistant and returned to the Promises treatment center right after the meeting ended. And because she's lost her mind, Britney had weird scribbles all over her hand and even drew a fake ring on her index finger. I wouldn't be surprised if that thing went completely up her arm. She's like this close to snapping and probably spends all her time in rehab rocking back and forth while chanting, "They're all gonna pay." And when the doctors ask "Who's gonna pay?" she growls at them and says, "I'm a tiger!" And then starts pacing around on all fours while the doctors stare at each other confused.
NOTE: That's not her wedding ring. Not the one on her ring finger and not the one drawn on in pen.
Mar 1 2007Pete Doherty feeds weed to penguins
Pete Doherty moved in with Kate Moss after being kicked out of his east London flat where he owed $20,000 in unpaid rent. And because he needs adult supervision at all times, while visiting the Cotswold Wildlife Park in Oxfordshire he fed a penguin his joint. Seriously. He allegedly threw the joint into the penguin pen to show off and one of the penguins immediately swallowed it. A source tells The Sun:
"Everyone knew he was smoking grass. He was joking about getting the penguins stoned. He threw them his joint and it looked like one penguin gulped it down. It seemed very wobbly."
Pete Doherty is out of control. Somebody needs to find this guy a babysitter before he eats the world's last bald eagle because he thought it would be funny. My 2-year-old niece has more self-control than him, and she thinks ice cream is the only necessary food group.
Mar 1 2007Alessndra Ambrosio and company boggle the mind
Alessandra Ambrosio, Karolina Kurkova, Isabel Goulart, and Selita Ebanks made an appearance at a Victoria's Secret store to promote the new Secret Embrace collection. The day they figure out how to sell women's underwear without supermodels is the day you'll find me locked in my closet weeping. I don't understand why they don't just have supermodels sell everything. I don't have a cat, but I'd still probably buy cat food if Alessandra told me to. She wouldn't even have to say anything. She could just open her mouth and purr and I'd start throwing money in her general direction while yelling, "I'll take ten!"
A ton more of the Victoria's Secret models showing off their ridiculous legs after the jump.
Continue Reading "Alessndra Ambrosio and company boggle the mind"
Mar 1 2007Lindsay Lohan has a really shapely butt
Lindsay Lohan was spotted at Sheila Kelley's S Factor studio in LA taking striptease and pole dancing lessons to prepare for an upcoming movie role. And to help get in the mood she apparently put on her mom's jeans or something. I mean look at those things. It's not like she has a spectacular ass, but those have to be the most unflattering pants I've ever seen. She'd probably look better wearing her grandma's panties or an adult diaper.
Feb 28 2007Victoria Beckham goes blonde
I don't know how this is news, but Victoria Beckham bleached her hair blonde yesterday. Whee. Now all she needs to fit in with the rest of Los Angeles are implants and a fake tan is a hat that says "I'm from L.A." and she'll be set.
NOTE: If she's serious about getting skinny she should consider getting her skeleton removed. Look at those arms! Can anbyody say "Moo"?
Feb 28 2007Matthew McConaughey cleans up good
Jesus Christ, what happened to Matthew McConaughey? I'm used to seeing him looking like the Wolf Man, so when he shows up like this it boggles the mind. How did he go from being part dog to making me feel all confused and tingly inside? Must...find...cure.
Feb 28 2007Britney Spears borrows bikinis
Us Weekly has an account of Britney Spears hanging out with two strangers and borrowing their bikini before she checked into rehab for the second time. She allegedly showed up at the Mondrian hotel with a newly bald head but was denied a room due to lack of credit cards or cash. By 11am she had stripped down to her bra and panties and was shaving her legs in the pool bathroom.
"It was sad," says a source. "It looked like she really needed a friend." She got two - at least for a few hours. Around noon, Spears (then in a blonde wig) began chatting up a woman in the bathroom, who offered to loan the pop star a bathing suit. Spears followed her new friend to her hotel room where -- after changing into a borrowed bikini -- she raided the minibar. "She grabbed four or five bottles and just started mixing everything and drinking them."
I'm not sure if lending a bikini to Britney Spears is the best idea. You might as well fill a bunch of syringes with random diseases and start juggling them with your mouth.
Feb 28 2007Tori Spelling still super huge and pregnant
Welcome to Boner City. Population: Me.
A few more shots of Tori Spelling looking mighty tasty after the jump.
Continue Reading "Tori Spelling still super huge and pregnant"
Feb 28 2007Paris Hilton drives on suspended license, gets towed
Paris Hilton was returning from the Virgin Megastore in West Hollywood last night when she was pulled over in her $200,000 Bentley for speeding and driving without her headlights on. When the LAPD checked her license they found it was still suspended from the DUI she got last year so they towed her car and she had to walk across the street to The Standard to hide from the gathering crowd of paparazzi and onlookers. Paris' rep Elliot Mintz tried to explain the situation, saying:
"The parking lot is brightly lit so she had not noticed that her headlights were not activated."
I've made that mistake before, but then I looked out my fucking window and realized it was night so I turned my headlights on. Does Paris drive with her eyes closed? She was probably napping. Or, uh, checking out her tranny disguise. Don't worry, Paris, nobody will ever suspect you might actually be a woman.
One more of Paris getting her Bentley towed after the jump.
Continue Reading "Paris Hilton drives on suspended license, gets towed"
Feb 28 2007Geekologie gets a facelift
Our sibling site Geekologie just got an insane redesign so do yourself a favor and check it out. If you ever feel like you need a break from Paris Hilton and all her wacky hijinks this is the place to go.
Feb 28 2007Madonna is a hypocrite
In the latest issue of British Elle, Madonna says she's worried because her daughter keeps wearing jeans that are too tight. She says:
"My daughter is going through a phase of wearing jeans that are so tight she can't bend her knees in them. I have a go at her and say, 'Can't you wear something else? You have a closet full of clothes and you wear the same pants every day. And please wear a belt because I don't want to see your butt crack when you bend over.'"
Madonna getting upset with her daughter for dressing too slutty is like Mr. T getting upset with his son for pitying too many fools. I think there was a period in Madonna's life where all she wore was spaghetti pasta and condoms.
NOTE: It looks like Madonna attended a semester at Pink's School for Looking Like a Dude. And I think she already completed the course on arms.
Feb 27 2007Victoria Beckham is kind of a fat ass
You know the best way to distract people from how fat you are? Dress like you're off to conduct a train. And to make this at least somewhat relevant, Victoria Beckham is in talks to get her own fashion-based reality show on NBC similar to America's Next Top Model. Because if Posh Spice knows anything, it's fashion. Choo choooo!
One more of Victoria Beckham with her enormous thunder thighs after the jump.
Feb 27 2007Britney Spears rehabs in style
Britney Spears reportedly booked an entire wing at the Promises treatment facility where she's currently in rehab. She allegedly wanted to avoid mixing with other patients and was also worried about stories being leaked to the media so she paid for every room in her wing. A source says:
"She wants all the rooms on her wing. It will cost her hundreds of thousands. If that's what she needs to get well, good for her."
I tried renting out all the rooms at rehab once, but the chick behind the counter said they didn't accept chewing gum and a paper clip as payment. Then when I handed her my credit card she threw it back at me and said it was a receipt from Denny's. Plus I ordered a donut and never got it. Man, rehab sucks.
Feb 27 2007Jenna Jameson looks like beef jerky
Jenna Jameson showed up to the 17th Annual Night Of 100 Stars Oscar Gala with Tito Ortiz looking like a, uh, this thing. I have no idea how these two even got in. Even if they were famous enough, you'd think the guy at the door would've stopped them and said, "Nuh uh. No mummies allowed." Isn't she supposed to be a famour pornstar? How is this possibly sexy? Her face looks like a giant tumor.
Feb 27 2007Paris Hilton kicks out Baby Luv
Paris Hilton has apparently gotten rid of her pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, because it kept scratching and biting her. Paris was trying to pose for pictures with the kinkajou on her shoulder at an event for Beverly Hill Choppers, but Baby Luv kept clawing and biting her until a handler finally grabbed the animal and put it back in its cage. A few days later, Baby Luv apparently bit Paris so badly she was rushed to the emergency room for a tetanus shot, and that's when Paris gave her the boot.
Paris Hilton clearly has no idea how to handle animals. She's like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. The animals are getting their bones broken by her and she's just softly repeating to herself, "So pretty."
Feb 27 2007Jennifer Love Hewitt has amazing boobs
Jennifer Love Hewitt showed up to The Envelope Please Oscar Viewing Party looking like her boobs traveled back in time to when they were spectacular. My God, they're mesmerizing. Godzilla could be fighting Chuck Norris in the background and I wouldn't notice. I don't even know what Jennifer Love Hewitt has done recently, but if I was presenting an Academy Award and she showed up like this I'd just start drooling and hand it over to her. The category wouldn't even matter. Best Sound Editing? Yeah, sure, whatever, just stay out of the way of my imaginary air-squeezing.
Feb 26 2007Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz share some weed
Did I miss something or is weed totally legal now? Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz were spotted in their bikinis getting high in what appears to be a public park. Although I can't tell if that's from the impaired judgement or because they're just stupid as hell. They could be doing this in the produce aisle of a supermarket and they still probably wouldn't realize where they were.
Feb 26 2007Petra Nemcova and James Blunt hate their fans
Last Friday in Los Angeles James Blunt and Petra Nemcova reportedly ran over a guy's foot who was trying to get their autograph. According to witnesses Blunt and Nemcova then drove off without even checking to see if the injured fan was okay (he wasn't, he was rolled away on a gurney).
I'm guessing they didn't bother checking on the guy because they were both too busy trying to figure out why or how they were with the other person. No matter how many times I see Petra Nemcova and James Blunt together I'm never gonna understand it. My brain just can't comprehend why she would choose to be with him. I might as well be looking at a picture of a dog walking a person. Dogs don't walk people! It's crazy!
Feb 26 2007Pink wears bikinis too
Pink was spotted at Miami beach in her bikini last week. At least I think it's Pink. I suspect the photographer may have gotten his photos of Pink mixed up with his photos of, well, a dude. Isn't there some unwritten rule against wearing a bikini if you look like this? She (he?) looks like she's three-quarters done with a sex-change operation, only I can't tell which gender she's switching from. I'm just glad she's wearing pants and not a bikini bottom, because by now her vagina probably looks like some sort of claw.
Feb 26 2007Jessica Biel doesn't need a bra
Jessica Biel obviously got my memo that bras are for losers, because she showed up to the Academy Awards without one. Now I just need to figure out if she got all my other memos. Although they're less 'memos' and more 'drawings of her naked.' I've found that the quickest way to a woman's heart is to send her drawings of stick figures with giant circle boobs. It's romantic and it's art.
A bunch more of Jessica Biel letting her breasts hang free after the jump.
Feb 26 2007Hugh Hefner maybe marrying Holly
Page Six claims the buzz during the Oscar parties was that Hugh Hefner is getting married before the end of the year to Holly Madison, one of his three girlfriends.
"This is very secret, but the word is 'yes,' " one insider told Page Six. "Hef has decided he will marry Holly, and he wants it for his show, 'The Girls Next Door.' Hef thinks business all the time, and looks for a new hook, although he also does really love Holly... Hef sees that she is the most dedicated. Kendra is never there, and they both hate each other, and Bridget is hanging on by being very friendly to Holly."
That Holly sure is a lucky gal. She gets to marry a guy who's just, what, barely in his 120's? And has two other girlfriends? And looks like E.T.? It's like every little girl's dream come true. They should write fairy tales about her life.
Feb 26 2007Kirsten Dunst always looks great
God, Kirsten Dunst is sexy. And I'm glad she doesn't follow lame trends, like having straight teeth or looking pretty. Seriously though, how did she even attend the Academy Awards? Doesn't direct sunlight burn her skin? You'd think she would've at least taken bat form.
Feb 26 200779th Annual Academy Awards
It's kind of a rule that after a big event like the 79th Annual Academy Awards I have to post pictures of people from said event. So, uh, here they are. I'll put up some of the better ones later, but for now here's a little sampling to hold you over. And to hold me over? Well I've got three horny supermodels and an entire pizza so I think I'll be okay.
A ton more pictures of random celebrities after the jump, including some of Naomi Watts and her baby bump.
Cameron Diaz
Beyonce Knowles
