Feb 16 2007Britney Spears shaved her head completely bald
Britney Spears showed up to a California tattoo parlor Friday night with a completely shaved head as she got a new tattoo of red lips on her wrist. Jesus fucking Christ, what happened to her in rehab? I'd say she's this close to a mental breakdown but I can't get my fingers close enough to convey just how deeply in the middle of a breakdown she is. My fingers would have to actually meld into each other to be accurate. I'm guessing she was forced to shave her hair after it got so dirty a family of gophers made it their home.
UPDATE: Here's some video footage of Britney with her shaved head at the tatoo parlor. Whee.
Feb 16 2007Jennifer Lopez booed to tears
Jennifer Lopez had a screening at the Berlin Film Festival for her new movie Bordertown but started crying after the audience responded with muted applause and boos. I almost feel bad for her, except maybe this'll stop her from making any more movies. I mean Anaconda was a masterpiece, but what are the odds she'll ever recreate that magic?
Feb 16 2007Niciole Richie charged with DUI
Nicole Richie was charged with a DUI today for the incident in December when she was arrested for driving the wrong way on the freeway in her SUV. The case allso alleges she had a prior misdemeanor DUI conviction in 2003 and according to Calfiornia law, if convicted of a DUI twice within 10 years a person faces a sentence of 90 days to a year in jail, a fine between $390 and $1,000, and a suspension of driving privileges.
So here's to hoping Nicole Richie gets convicted. If prison is anything like my DVD collection has taught me, she'll have the time of her life in there. You wouldn't believe what those security guards do with their nightsticks during shower time. Oh, no, you would not believe. It is wonderful and arousing to say the least.
Feb 16 2007Britney Spears enters and exits rehab
Britney Spears checked into a rehab facility two days ago but refused to stay and checked out less than 24 hours later. The facility was located outside the country and she's currently on her way back to Los Angeles.
Wow, a whole day of rehab. I wonder if we'll even be able to recognize her anymore she'll be so different.
Feb 16 2007Anna Nicole Smith's will leaves nothing to Dannielynn
Anna Nicole Smith's will has been leaked and apparently it leaves everything to her dead son Daniel. The will was written in 2001 and wasn't updated after the birth of her daughter Dannielynn Hope. Howard K. Stern is named as the executor of her estate and there's a clause in the document that says: "I have intentionally omitted to provide for my spouse, including any future spouses or children" meaning Dannielynn will be excluded and receive nothing.
Now every single one of those people claiming to be the father is going to issue statements saying they were just kidding. They'd probably be like ten feet away from the paternity testing facility when they heard the news, then they'd slow down, casually turn the other direction, and start sprinting away.
Feb 16 2007The Hoff goes drag
I was tempted to put this picture up of David Hasselhoff dressed in drag without an explanation but I figured that'd be unfair. He's currently appearing in a Las Vegas run of The Producers. Which explains why The Hoff is wearing a dress, but not why he has a lifesize cardboard cutout of himself in his room. Does he carry that thing with him wherever he goes? I thought I was the only one who did that.
Check out the rest of the pictures of The Hoff in drag here.
Feb 16 2007Jayden James Spears makes an appearance
BreatheHeavy.com has a scan from the upcoming issue of OK! Magazine that features a pretty good shot of the top half of Jayden James Spears' face. I can't say for sure, but Jayden James looks infinitely cuter than his older brother Sean Preston (in the circle). Although he could have scales and an extra eye growing out of his cheek and he'd probably still be cuter. Jesus, Sean Preston looks like he could bring dolls to life and turn you into a jack-in-the-box with his mind.
Feb 16 2007VIDEO: Paris Hilton flees autograph signing
This is the video footage of Paris Hilton getting stuff thrown at her while signing autographs in Vienna yesterday. Although it's kind of disappointing since all they threw was little pieces of trash. If they really wanted to make a point they should've gone with my idea and thrown a 900 lb Grizzly Bear.
Feb 16 2007Daniel Radcliffe bares his butt
Daniel Radcliffe's new play Equis premieres tonight in which he allegedly gets completely naked on stage for 10 minutes. So if you're looking at the above picture and thinking to yourself "yummy" then maybe the play is for you. As is psychiatric help. Oh, and don't thank me for the picture. Your high-pitched shrieking and gasps of horror are all the thanks I need. And I hate to break it to you, but if you're a dude and you looked at the picture you're automatically gay now. It's science.
Feb 16 2007Foxy Brown attacks again
Rapper Foxy Brown was arrested in Florida yesterday for battery and obstruction of justice after a disturbance at a beauty supply shop. There weren't any further details, although in a similar incident in New York last October she was sentenced to three years probation and anger management classes for assaulting two nail-salon stylists over a $20 manicure, and was ordered to stay away from the manicurists for the next five years.
Can you imagine going into a beauty shop expecting to look beautiful but coming out looking like Foxy Brown? You'd be crazy not to attack the people you thought were responsible.
Feb 15 2007Paris Hilton gets trash thrown at her
Paris Hilton is currently in Austria to attend the prestigious Vienna Opera Ball, but when she appeared at the Vienna mall today to sign autographs she had to be pulled away by security guards because the crowd started throwing trash at her. Included in the items thrown were cigarette packs, tissues, and lipstick. Hilton later dismissed the incident as "no big deal" and said she loved her fans. She also ran into trouble in Germany yesterday because her passport had expired, and she needed the U.S. ambassador to Austria to vouch for her.
Taking questions from some 100 reporters earlier, Hilton said she "loved" classical music and that she grew up listening to it. "As a little girl, it really helped me fall asleep at night," she said, adding later that she "really loved" old Michael Jackson songs, Madonna and hip-hop. Hilton said there were "a lot of people who need help" in the world and that she planned to go to Africa sometime this year. "As a celebrity, you can really make people aware of what's going on in the world," she said.
She's attending the Opera Ball and said she enjoys classical music because it's so boring it helps her fall asleep. Nice. And only Paris Hilton could have trash thrown at her and misinterpret that as loving fans. She's in such denial you could push her down and pee on her while yelling: "Take that, you useless whore!" and she'd laugh it off and tell everybody her fans love pulling pranks on her.
Thanks to Sonia for the tip, and for having much nicer eyes than this.
Feb 15 2007Britney Spears' ex-assistant expresses disapproval
Britney Spears' former long-time assistant of nine years, Felicia Culotta, posted an email on a fan site speaking out against Britney's recent hijinks. She writes:
"I cherish ALL the incredible opportunities that came my way thru my job with Britney and am crushed/saddened/heart sick by the way her life is unfolding. There's just so much you can do to help a person - I don't dare want to be an enabler, and I cannot love her enough for the both of us. I cannot convince her in ANY way to love herself. I'm so Southern, and the BEST way for me to tell you how I feel is to say - You can just kick an old Dog so many times before he gets off the porch. I, FELICIA, am OFF the porch!!"
I can't really make sense of the email but from what I can gather Britney Spears kept kicking her assistant until she got off her porch. Is that right? No wait, her assistant is sad because she loves Britney Spears like an old Dog. Wait. Okay, just wait. Fuck. She's proposing? This is a marriage proposal.
Feb 15 2007Mariah Carey still a ridiculous human being
Mariah Carey was reportedly asked to travel in economy class to cut costs on her new film Tennessee, but being Mariah Carey she bought out every single economy seat on the plane and flew alone in the cabin. Common sense says if you're gonna pay enough money to buy out every seat in economy you might as well upgrade to business class. But this is Mariah Carey we're talking about, so common sense isn't really an option. I hear she wipes her ass with live minks and eats her cereal with $100 bills instead of a spoon. It was on CNN or something.
In case you forgot just how insane Mariah Carey really is here's a little reminder.
Feb 15 20072007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
Need something to do for the next eleven hours? I'm pretty sure this should cover it.
Feb 15 2007Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia get their fight on
Joe Rogan got banned from the Comedy Store yesterday because of the video below that's been circulating the internet the past couple of days. The video features Joe Rogan tearing into Carlos Mencia onstage for stealing other comedians' material, a fact that's apparently pretty universally accepted in the industry. The video is 10 minutes long, but if you can make it through the confusing editing and horrible sound it's a pretty interesting watch. I always knew Carlos Mencia was annoying, I just never realized he was a fucking thief. I mean how do you steal other people's material and still manage not to be funny? It'd be like robbing a bank and ending up with a giant bag full of dead chickens. Score!
Click 'Play' below to watch the video.
Feb 14 2007Alessandra Ambrosio gets playful for Valentine's Day
To help get in the mood for Valentine's Day, Alessandra Ambrosio shared some gift ideas from Victoria's Secret yesterday. Although her greatest gift of all? Making every woman on the planet hate themselves. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I think Valentine's Day is best spent masturbating at your computer to some woman who makes your girlfriend look like Screech from Saved by the Bell.
A ton more of Alessandra Ambrosio looking almost as hot as the chick I banged last night after the jump.
EDIT: In the spirit of Valentine's Day I'm moving this back up to the top of the page. I mean Anna Nicole Smith's baby is sexy and all, I'm just worried she might be a little too sexy.
Continue Reading "Alessandra Ambrosio gets playful for Valentine's Day"
Feb 14 2007Anna Nicole Smith starved her baby to make her "sexy"
A legal document written by Anna Nicole Smith's former nanny, Quethlie Alexis, in December has been leaked and it contains multiple accusations about Anna Nicole (aka Vickie Marshall), among them a claim she dangerously starved Dannielynn because "She wanted her baby to be 'sexy'." The accusations in the sworn affidavit include:
- Alexis was ordered to "underfeed" Dannielynn because "Ms. Marshall was obsessed with making sure that her baby was 'sexy.' Ms. Marshall knew that the correct amount of baby food was 3 ounces every 3 hours ... Ms. Marshall insisted that the maximum I was to give was 2.5 ounces. Dannielynn is badly underweight and not thriving, as a baby should."
- Anna Nicole threatened to "shoot her" if the baby ever addressed the nanny as "Mummy."
- Anna Nicole tried to kill herself two separate times. "On the first occasion, she drank in my presence an entire bottle of what I believed to be a sleeping aid." When Smith woke up from the resulting 48-hour coma, she blurted out the words "I wanted to die ... I meant to kill myself."
- Smith "tried to drown herself" in her swimming pool, but Howard K. Stern rescued her from the pool. After the rescue Stern was overheard saying to Smith, "If anything happens to you, I would go to jail."
- She never witnessed Shane Gibson (the Bahamian Minister of Immigration) and Smith having sex, but the former nanny claims the minister would, "spend hours alone with Ms. Marshall in her bedroom" on a "daily basis."
To be fair, fat babies are gross. I mean yeah, they might have a great personality and be full of life, but nobody wants to have sex with a cow. If anything we should applaud Anna Nicole for her continuing efforts to make infants look like the sexual objects that they are. I'm just surprised she didn't try to get the kid breast implants.
Feb 14 2007Paula Abdul has never been drunk, honest!
Paula Abdul claims she's never even been drunk, telling Us Weekly:
"I've never been drunk. I have never done recreational drugs. Just look at my 20-year career. Tell me someone who is into partying and or doing drugs that could have done that. There have been 100 million lies about me. I'm squeaky clean. I've worked my ass off my entire life. (But) being involved in the show causes people to question everything."
If you're Paula Abdul wouldn't you want people to think you were drunk? Like at all times? You don't want people thinking that's how you act sober. At least you have an excuse if you're drunk. The only excuse you have sober is that you're fucking stupid or there's a tumor the size of a gopher growing on your brain.
Feb 14 2007Heather Graham and Bridget Bridget Moynahan make out
There's only one way to celebrate Valentine's Day, and that's with Heather Graham tongue wrestling Bridget Moynahan in a lesbian make out session to the death.
Feb 14 2007Mischa Barton really doesn't know how to dress herself
I've seen some pretty bad outfits before, but Mischa Barton was spotted pumping gas in Los Angeles wearing what appears to be a garbage bag. And when I say garbage bag I mean it literally looks like she made her dress out of a garbage bag. Like she grabbed the nearest Hefty , cut some holes in it and put it on. And the boots. My God, the boots. She looks like she's entering a costume contest dressed as a sack of potatoes.
A bunch more of Mischa Barton looking like a pile of lumps after the jump.
Continue Reading "Mischa Barton really doesn't know how to dress herself"
Feb 14 2007Beyonce on cover of 2007 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
For some reason the clowns at Sports Illustrated decided to put Beyonce on the cover of their 2007 Swimsuit Issue, a privilege usually reserved for the baddest ass of supermodels. I'm not saying she doesn't look great in her bikini (because she does) she just has no business being there. This isn't Entertainment Weekly, it's the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Beyonce has about as much right being there as a dog dressed in a silly hat and a cape.
Feb 13 2007Gwen Stefani wishes she was tall
Gwen Stefani showed up to the Jimmy Kimmel show last week wearing the world's largest heels. I mean damn, dude, she might as well cut off the heels and glue ladders on there.
More of Gwen Stefani and her huge heels after the jump.
Feb 13 2007Nicky Hilton is getting sued
Nicky Hilton is being sued by a Chicago development group for breach of contract over a delayed hotel renovation project. The lawsuit was filed yesterday and claims she hasn't kept her end of an agreement in which she promised to promote the redevelopment project known as Nicky O's Chicago, a Nicky Hilton Hotel.
Hilton also allegedly contracted out interior design work she was supposed to perform and tried to charge it back to the developer, the suit alleges. The development group also claims Hilton misrepresented that she and her associates had experience in hotel design.
This is the developers' own fault for believing Nicky Hilton was qualified to do anything requiring skill. They should've been suspicious after seeing her damn hotel proposal. Jesus, they're lucky they got anything at all, and not some tiny Lego building 6" tall with Nicky insisting: "Everybody get in. It's finished!" And all the investors slowly look at each other in horror realizing they've just lost all their money to a mentally handicapped person.
Feb 13 2007Ashley Olsen shows off her underwear
Ashley Olsen (the one that doesn't look like a clown prostitute) was spotted on vacation in Mexico lounging around in her underwear. Which is weird because I thought her entire life was a vacation. And it might be my imagination, but for most of the shots Ashley seems to be looking at the camera and playfully posing for it. Although the photographer was most likely a mile away and hiding inside a trash can so probably not. Best job ever!
A ton more of Ashley Olsen posing for the camera in her underwear after the jump.
UPDATE: I didn't even notice, but in some of the pictures you can see some guy's head popping up from the ground. Apparently Ashley's putting on her little underwear show for gopher man.
Feb 13 2007Britney Spears trades her clothes
Remember those shots of Britney Spears in the tight red dress yesterday at Club One? Apparently she didn't like what she was wearing so she asked one of the dancers to switch clothes with her. They took her downstairs to their dressing room and she changed out of her red dress and returned wearing a dancer bikini and a white busboy jacket and "that's what she walked out wearing." A source tells People:
"So she called the dancers over to talk to them, she said, because she really liked those fishnet stockings. She just hung out with these two dancers all night and kind of befriended them. She was trying on all their outfits and left in a bikini and fishnets. That's it."
Only Britney Spears could wear what she was wearing and decide it wasn't whorish enough. "Yeah, my panties are hanging out the bottom, but there's gotta be a way I can show them off completely." And then a lightbulb goes off in her head and she tears off her dress. Then as everybody looks on in horror she pops a Mentos into her mouth and smiles at the camera while a catchy jingle plays in the background and some guy with a deep voice says, "Mentos, the freshmaker!"
UPDATE: A bunch of screencaps from Extra's report after the jump.
Feb 13 2007Anna Nicole Smith's baby has another new father
Anna Nicole Smith's bodyguard is now claiming he's Dannielynn's real father, and that Anna Nicole suffered from life threatening seizures for which she was on medication. He tells Extra:
"She told me everything. She told me things no one else knows. I think it was an instant spark, and I think for her it was the same. She was wonderful. A very sensitive and emotional woman. A very good kisser, I must say. She was sick of being called names. Everyone was bashing on her and calling her names and putting her down and suing her. She always told me she wanted to have her kids with me. There's always a possibility. Poor Anna. I hope she's in peace wherever she is."
We could save a lot of time if everybody just got DNA tested to see who the real father was. Or, ya know, we can just keep on letting every asshole in the world come forward and try to claim the inheritance. Somebody could dig up Martn Luther King, Jr's corpse and say he's the real father and it'd be just as believable.
Feb 13 2007Bai Ling still part-time nudist, full-time attention whore
I still don't know why (or if) she's famous, but Bai Ling showed up to the "8 Spirits" Picture Exhibition in Berlin with her nipples popping out. I mean of course. It's an art exhibition, so why not? Plus she's Bai Ling. She could be getting knighted and her boobs would still pop out. Dad's funeral? Why, that's just another opportunity for attention. You'd be crazy not to show your nipples!
Click the thumbnails for the NSFW versions.
Feb 12 2007Britney Spears dresses like a whore, pukes
Britney Spears partied so hard over the weekend she threw up in her car. She was partying at Club Tenjune until 3:30am when an SUV picked her up and took her back to her hotel room, but after being escorted to her room a crowd waiting outside noticed the inside of her SUV was covered in puke. Undeterred, she went out again the next night and was spotted at Club One wearing a red dress she apparently stole from her kids. I mean that thing's not even close to fitting. I don't know how it's staying on, but the material must've been created by NASA to withstand tearing and extreme pressure.
A few more of Britney Spears looking really classy after the jump. And by classy I mean so classy she makes the queen of England look like a street prostitute.
Continue Reading "Britney Spears dresses like a whore, pukes"
Feb 12 2007Howard K. Stern hams it up for TV
Entertainment Tonight reportedly paid Howard K. Stern $1 million for an exclusive interview in which he pretends to cry and says:
"I just want her to be with Daniel, I hope that they're happy ... she was such a wonderful person."
He got paid $1 million for this. $1 million. Everytime he puts his hands to his face it's because he's about to break out in laughter. I'm not saying he killed Anna Nicole Smith, but he could be twirling a handlebar mustache and it'd look less suspicious than this.
Feb 12 2007Isaac Cohen spills about Britney Spears
In one of the strangest and most confusing interviews I've ever read, Isaac Cohen tells the News of the World that Britney Spears was a sex maniac and fell apart once the sex stopped.
On partying, having sex, and coping with her divorce:
"She loves sex and is incredibly adventurous. She was totally happy when we were locked in each other's arms. But once the sex stopped Britney was like a little girl lost, unable to cope. She would lie like a limp rag doll in my arms and and say, 'Why can't everyone leave me alone?' and, 'What have I done to deserve this?' By the time I met Britney she was burnt out. She knew she had been drinking and partying as a way to try to banish the bad stuff from her life. Far from the trashy drunk, I saw a very shy, sweet girl who was just desperately sad about what had happened with her marriage. Yes she enjoyed Jack Daniel's but she was trying not to get in the state she had been in with Paris. Her boys mean everything to her and she worried she might lose them in a custody battle. It was clear she was not over her marriage. The first time she invited me to her home I saw her wedding dress hung on the wall in a glass box. As we made love that night it was like Kevin was in bed beside us. She had not even begun to move on with her life. She needed me to hold her and tell her what a beautiful girl she is. We would make slow love until the sun came up. She has an amazing body and I loved exploring every inch of it. Britney is not shy about her body so she slowly stripped off her clothes and beckoned me to join her under the stars in the pool."
On their trip to Vegas:
It was an amazing view over the Las Vegas strip. But we didn't stay long as we wanted to try out the bed. So we clambered on and I grabbed the remote and started it turning round and round. All the time as we made love we watched ourselves in the mirrored ceiling. It was amazing but we did it so many times it made us start to feel sick. We had to turn it off."
On her figure:
"Like any woman who has had two children she worried about her figure. As far as I was concerned she was gorgeous, but she had such low self esteem she sometimes would not listen. She would say, 'Am I fat? Am I fat?' then spend hours dancing around the house trying to burn off calories. She was always jumping around. Other times, she got so low she didn't care what she looked like. She could not care less some days if she went out of the house without brushing her hair or checking to see if her outfit matched. That's just where she was in her life. She had so much on her plate with the children she had precious little time to worry about how she looked."
On Paris and breaking up:
"I rarely saw Britney with any friends and during our time together I never saw her with Paris, it was like that was a part of her life she wanted to forget. I adore Britney and in a different place at a different time we might have stood a chance. It was far too soon for her to get involved in a relationship with anyone. But she has coped with so much in her life I hope she does not give up now. She is too special for that."
What's wrong with this guy? He keeps using the phrase "made love" and speaks like he's writing a bargain bin romance novel. He probably has a giant poster of Fabio hanging over his bed. It's no wonder his relationship with Britney Spears didn't work out because apparently he has a vagina.
Feb 12 2007Tara Reid looks really smart
Tara Reid showed up to Jermaine Dupri's Grammy Invasion Party looking about as intelligent as we've come to expect. Namely very. I mean, c'mon, her face looks Photoshopped. I half expected there to be a speech balloon coming out of her mouth saying: "Hyuk hyuk. Hey guys, I'm over here. Want a pickle?"
Feb 12 2007Anna Nicole Smith sexed her way into Bahamian citizenship
A Bahamian newspaper published these two photographs on its front page this morning showing Anna Nicole Smith in bed with the Bahamian immigration minister - the same guy who approved her application for permanent residency.
How many more twists could Anna Nicole's life possibly have? Somebody's probably gonna find her true birth certificate and it's gonna turn out she's not even a person, just an oversized sea monkey.
Feb 12 2007Christina Aguilera at the 49th Annual Grammy Awards
It's weird how something as trivial as changing her lipstick color can make Christina Aguilera look awesome or like a clown prostitute. Yeah, she's trying a little too hard to look sultry and this pose is just ridiculous, but this is the best I've seen her look in recent memory. Although most of my memories of her are in a thong with a mustache talking in a funny accent. I might be thinking of Borat.
More of Christina Aguilera arriving at the Grammy Awards after the jump.
Continue Reading "Christina Aguilera at the 49th Annual Grammy Awards"
Feb 12 2007Tyra Banks has interesting eyelashes
Tyra Banks showed up to the Clive Davis pre-Grammy party looking like a freaky geisha monster. Who would do that to their eyelashes on purpose? It's like the look she was going for was: "Yowie zowie I'm shocked!"
Feb 12 2007Anna Nicole Smith's fridge
TMZ has what they claim is an authentic shot of what was in Anna Nicole Smith's bedroom fridge in the Bahamas. Apparently it contained methadone (part of the deadly combination of drugs that killed her son), SlimFast, Miracle 2000 (marketed as a nutritional supplement for "today's active lifestyle"), French's Worcestershire Sauce, yogurt, spray butter, and vials of injectable medicines.
Who knew that Anna Nicole Smith was such a health nut? With all that healthful food it's a wonder she didn't live to be 100. Or, you know, 25.
