January 15, 2007
Steven Tyler is the missing link
I've never understood how Liv Tyler came from Steven Tyler, but now looking at these pictures of him on the beach I can't even understand how he manages to stand upright. Or speak. Or is able to grasp the concept of the wheel. He looks like he should be clubbing a pterodactyl to death in these pictures. At first it'd be like, "Hey, I didn't know they had cameras during the Cretaceous period." But then you'd shrug it off, because how else would they have gotten a shot of a homo erectus in his natural habitat.
A ton more of Steven Tyler showing off his negative ass and looking all around disgusting after the jump.










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» Miss Nevada turns down Girls Gone Wild for Playboy


Comments
1. Posted by curves left on January 15, 2007 9:16 AM
jrz's hubby is looking hot!
2. Posted by phungi on January 15, 2007 9:18 AM
mine eyes, the pictures, they burn...
3. Posted by jpjrocks on January 15, 2007 9:23 AM
I'm gonna hurl
4. Posted by alwaysclassy on January 15, 2007 9:24 AM
These pictures were bad enough until I got to the ones where he pulled his trunks down.. wtf is his problem?
5. Posted by Naid on January 15, 2007 9:25 AM
He's kick ass with his clothes on, but honestly men his age, with bodies like that shouldnt run around in what appears to be a skirt on the beach. He prolly wouldnt look THAT bad in a regular pair of swim trunks, but sheesh. Crack kills people... Show these pics to Lilo - thats what she'll look like in 3 years
P.S - Thats what years of drugs and hookers does to ya! Still love his music
6. Posted by GeneSimmons on January 15, 2007 9:26 AM
Dear God.
Is it human? And did we really need those ass shots?
This debonerfied me since I watched the new Keeley sex tape. I think the fish is way behind since there still isn't a story on it.
7. Posted by alwaysclassy on January 15, 2007 9:26 AM
Also, in the last pic, I wonder how he got a little girl's bracelet stuck in his hair?
8. Posted by Lowlands on January 15, 2007 9:26 AM
Finally some hot manflesh for you girls!
9. Posted by Naid on January 15, 2007 9:27 AM
#4 - I think, by the looks of things, his "shorts" were pulled down by the water, clothes that dont fit will come off easily, or show things the world doesnt need to see, ask britney, she knows
10. Posted by Pointandlaugh on January 15, 2007 9:28 AM
that dude has been balls-deep into so many thousands of women......he's my hero.
11. Posted by blahblahblah on January 15, 2007 9:30 AM
Grandpa?
12. Posted by laikiska on January 15, 2007 9:34 AM
Considering he's almost 60, he is actually still in excellent shape! (How many guys sport a beerbelly at 30 already?!) And in some really warped, weird way I even reckon he has sex appeal. Different people, different tastes! ;)
13. Posted by PrettyBaby on January 15, 2007 9:35 AM
I met Steven Tyler years ago back stage at an Aerosmith concert. I didn't get to barely say anything to him, but I got to say Hi and he said "Hi Hotstuff" That was it.
He isn't good looking up close at all, but he has a presence and he is very sexy. He sort of eyeballs you up and down really close. Lots of charm and charisma.
14. Posted by tits_on_snack on January 15, 2007 9:38 AM
An old guy looking like an old guy - how gauche.
15. Posted by suzy on January 15, 2007 9:39 AM
hes an old man, leave him alone
16. Posted by RussianMafia on January 15, 2007 9:42 AM
She is one lucky lady. And by lucky I mean crazy, blind or money-chasing.
17. Posted by Solaera on January 15, 2007 9:45 AM
He looks good for his age! He is toned and his skin is taut and smooth looking for someone nearing 60.
18. Posted by Binky on January 15, 2007 9:51 AM
Ladies - never trust a guy who wears more jewelry than you do - especially at the beach.
(a lil' tip there)
19. Posted by Brain Embolism on January 15, 2007 9:52 AM
Steven T is T-H-E man!
No if ands or buts about it.
Him and his music have gotten me through some tumultuous times.
PrettyBaby - Hi Hotstuff!!!
20. Posted by Lowlands on January 15, 2007 9:54 AM
Tittie-,vag- and ass-flashing.What's next?
21. Posted by PrettyBaby on January 15, 2007 9:55 AM
I can't post on here Punkin. Superfish man hates me. Sorry for making trouble Superfish, I will be nice to all. (For the most part)
22. Posted by cruzin333 on January 15, 2007 9:59 AM
Recently in Chicago, there was a UFO sighting above O'Hare airport. It looks like Steven found his way off the ship and managed to make his way to a warmer climate on the beach...
I didn't know aliens liked tropical weather, but apparently UFO's are FOR REAL.
23. Posted by Lowlands on January 15, 2007 10:02 AM
The first alien-celebrity...I'm touched...
24. Posted by jrzmommy on January 15, 2007 10:04 AM
Random Fuck (#1): He is. You shoulda seen him when he stepped out of the shower this morning..... 6'2" 190 lbs of Italian perfection. Some of the water still on him, his muscles rippling, his jet black hair wet, those big chocolate brown eyes, that smile and as smooth as silk, Buon giorno, bella. Yep. My hubby is looking real good these days.
Think of that the next time you roll over in bed and see your fucking cat sneering back at you, you lonely frigid douche.
25. Posted by misanthrope on January 15, 2007 10:09 AM
Topless pics of Carly Simon! Wait... what? oh. Nevermind.
26. Posted by jrzmommy on January 15, 2007 10:11 AM
I've never seen someone so skinny that spandex hangs off of them.
Imagine if he and Keith Richards had a baby?
27. Posted by Naid on January 15, 2007 10:12 AM
hmm Jrzmommy - im jealous ok ? :)
28. Posted by bumble on January 15, 2007 10:19 AM
ha de ha! more pictures of disgusting men on this site please. comments were brilliant also.
29. Posted by jrzmommy on January 15, 2007 10:21 AM
If he can't sing anymore, he can do Geico commercials.
30. Posted by Schwa on January 15, 2007 10:22 AM
Sure, his ass is a disaster, but he's brill in those Geico commercials.... So easy, even Stephen Tyler can do it.
31. Posted by danielle on January 15, 2007 10:27 AM
Looks like an extra from planet of the apes.
32. Posted by veggi on January 15, 2007 10:27 AM
#18- no butts about it??? Oh, Steven, I love you and your speedos.
33. Posted by curves left on January 15, 2007 10:30 AM
i'm glad (and not surprised) that you enjoy the "big chocolate brown eye"
34. Posted by Lowlands on January 15, 2007 10:37 AM
She loves chocolate,especially those from Belgium.True story.
35. Posted by Kristin on January 15, 2007 10:47 AM
Fuck, I was eating my breakfast when I looked @ this. Lol.
36. Posted by skilzaw on January 15, 2007 10:49 AM
I'd still lick, suck & swallow that man.....if Perry wasn't around.
37. Posted by libtard on January 15, 2007 11:08 AM
Oooooooo, jrzmommy - better be careful with this one. Curves left eats pieces of shit like you for breakfast.
No, on second thought, he just eats shit. CL, I don't know what your problem is, but I look forward to her batting your half-dead carcass around for a good hour or so before finally devouring you.
I bid you goodbye, Asshat.
38. Posted by jrzmommy on January 15, 2007 11:23 AM
See, it's not funny because it's not a direct quote. Now had I made a mistake and left the "s" off, then that would be funny irony--using my own words against me. But that's not the case so it doesn't work. What else you got?
39. Posted by NipsyHustle on January 15, 2007 11:26 AM
he would have been perfect in PLanet of the Apes. No make up or costume needed.
all i know is he has Hep C and shouldn't be hooking up with anyone other than Pam Anderson, Kid Rock, or Tommy Lee.
40. Posted by jrzmommy on January 15, 2007 11:40 AM
John Merrick lookin' mother fucker.
41. Posted by MrSemprini on January 15, 2007 11:45 AM
Thanks for the final encouragement to learn to touch-type. I am now blind after seeing those pictures of Steve Tyler's rumpus and I instinctively grabbed a soldering gun and burned out both eye sockets. I feel fine now and I'll be in rehab to learn how to walk with a cane and I get to have a DOG!
crap
42. Posted by SuperG on January 15, 2007 12:23 PM
Steven's been famous for over forty years, a living legend and you choose photos of him on the beach with a much younger, hot babe as a source of humor.
The only one that's laughing is him...all the way to the bank!
43. Posted by jrzmommy on January 15, 2007 12:31 PM
He can laugh as hard as he wants, but he still looks like the Elephant Man.
44. Posted by happy_bunny on January 15, 2007 12:32 PM
He's no Jessica Alba, that's for sure.
45. Posted by curves left on January 15, 2007 12:43 PM
ok, you win, hubby sounds gorgeous. he must daydream about being with somebody with more libido.
46. Posted by jrzmommy on January 15, 2007 12:55 PM
More libido? Nice try, blubber.
You're no fun to get into a pissing match with because you are dull and dimwitted. You're very boring. Matter fact, I'm drifting off replying to you. I feel like I'm in a Tae Kwon Do match against an armless, legless, blind and deaf nun. Know what I mean? I feel like I'm watching the Super Bowl when my team ain't in it.....ya know? Just 'cause it's........there.
47. Posted by PaisleyMoon on January 15, 2007 1:00 PM
LMFAO! Tyler looks like a featherless bird. Poor old fucker fell outta the nest. He still looks better than Jessica Alba, you pervert pedo.
48. Posted by jrzmommy on January 15, 2007 1:01 PM
my heart ain't in it. Maybe another time when you grow some funny bones or something. Or after intensive smart alec therapy. Or at least become incoherent. but now, bah.
49. Posted by GG 4.33 on January 15, 2007 2:10 PM
This is what drugs, whores, and more drugs will do to ya.
50. Posted by Sexy-Celebs.Com on January 15, 2007 2:33 PM
Ugly.
51. Posted by shofaz on January 15, 2007 3:03 PM
OMFG... My eyes!!!!!!!!
I've seen Steven Tyler's ass... I think this traumatic experience will last forever...
Now I'll sleep in fetal position, shaking and crying, thank you so much.
52. Posted by diddleysquat on January 15, 2007 3:05 PM
He's 58 years old, pretty good shape for that old if ya ask me.
53. Posted by biatcho on January 15, 2007 4:26 PM
I thought this was Keith Richards for a second, then I noticed there were still some viable veins left in the calf and realized it was only nicole richie.
54. Posted by u2aerofan on January 15, 2007 4:29 PM
Steven is awesome - and, yes, he's getting older, but I think he looks damned good. I met him a couple years ago and he was so sweet - one of the nicest people I've ever met, celebrity or not.
What we should be talking about his his hideous tranny girlfriend. She's horrid!
55. Posted by arden on January 15, 2007 5:01 PM
If anyone on here looks half that good at going-on-60, then they can try looking down their nose. Good luck.
56. Posted by Queen Eva on January 15, 2007 5:05 PM
His legs are nicer than hers.
57. Posted by NipsyHustle on January 15, 2007 5:21 PM
#55 you're comparing apples and oranges. you should question if another equally wealthy person will look good at 60. say, maybe chris martin of coldplay.
i'm never impressed with rich people "looking good". there is no excuse for them not too. they can afford the best doctors, chefs, personal shoppers, trainers, nutritionists...they can assemble a whole team dedicated to keeping them looking good.
of course we won't be looking "that good" (your words not mine) at 60 cause we are paupers working for the man.
58. Posted by frangly on January 15, 2007 6:29 PM
I don't know when I've laughed so hard. The ass flash? Oh my god...the cat looked up in alarm at my guffaws.
59. Posted by skisquash on January 15, 2007 7:16 PM
ROTFLMFAO!!!
This is by far the funniest text you've written. I just couldn't stop laughing...well done. This enters the '07 Best of the Year nominee list. LOL!
60. Posted by kingnoony on January 15, 2007 9:02 PM
my cock just crawled so far in me that i think it passed my spleen...
61. Posted by meee on January 15, 2007 9:11 PM
good god. he's seen better days. had i been alive in the 70's, i would have boned him.
62. Posted by RichPort on January 15, 2007 9:40 PM
I'd fuck him, ... while thinking about jrzmommy's imaginary man.
63. Posted by aurealis on January 15, 2007 10:04 PM
Paris died her hair again?
64. Posted by XeoRad on January 16, 2007 12:02 AM
This man was my hero in 7th grade, back before he died, was preserved and then reanimated in a complicated satanic ritual reserved only for the most unholy (Keith Richards, Fidel Castro, Elizabeth Taylor, David Guest).
65. Posted by Shelley Bonnechance on January 16, 2007 4:29 AM
Aw, I think he's cute. He's nearly sixty years old. Considering his age and the...er....interesting life he's led, I think he's in a remarkable state of preservation.
It would be very weird being that woman (his wife?) though. She is not fat by any means, but outweighs him by about fifteen pounds, I'd say. Makes me glad my husband isn't the beanpole body type.
66. Posted by Alex on January 16, 2007 6:49 AM
Cute?! Sexy?!
What the fuck is wrong with some of you? That's not being sympathetic! That's being plain retarded, like you are in some kind of ecstasy-induced stupor where everyone is your friend, even the handlebar mustached old guy in the club who is going to take you back to his shithole apartment.
67. Posted by Gumbonation on January 16, 2007 8:17 AM
So easy a caveman can do it....
68. Posted by wwworldclique on January 16, 2007 11:15 AM
Oh, look-- someone thinks he's the cute, three year old girl from the Coppertone ad. Isn't that precious?
Excuse me while I barf.
69. Posted by wedgeone on January 16, 2007 11:49 AM
#12 - Reluctantly, I must concur. But he doesn't HAVE to put himself on display, does he? Surely he could be on a private beach away from camera lenses, yes?
Nips - you said it all right there.
#62 - it's been over 12 hours and you've received no response from the real Richport nor from jrz. So when are you going to give up the trolling and just post as yourself?
FTLTC.
70. Posted by cole007 on January 16, 2007 1:54 PM
AT LEAST ITS NOT THAT FAT FRENCH ONE, DEPARDEU. JEEEEEZZZZZZUS THAT WAS A BAD NUDIE BEACH PHOTO. gag.
71. Posted by sabbaroo on January 17, 2007 2:28 AM
I'd still hit that.
72. Posted by cayana on January 17, 2007 5:28 AM
Somebody needs to tell him that Speedos are a privilege and not a right. Also I don't think he's pulling his shorts down, I think he's pulling them UP after they fell off. That's what happens when you have a negative ass.
73. Posted by theropes on January 17, 2007 8:02 AM
Nah #26, he and Mick Jagger gave birth to Amanda Lepore already
74. Posted by MJ4Bucki on January 17, 2007 9:43 PM
Steven Tyler RULES!
Anyone that hasn't seen Aerosmith in concert is missing out!
75. Posted by moonmaid on January 18, 2007 6:23 AM
First of all, I gotta say that for his age and the amount of abuse he's heaped upon himself over the years, he's not so terrible.
But I agree that he needs to cover it up a bit at this point. Just like no one wants to see my 47 year old ass in a string bikini (well maybe my husband, but love is blind), no one wants to see that old wrinkled posterior winking at them.
Get a pair of nice baggy trunks, Steven, like the young guys wear. Stop being so damned European.
What cracked me up - in the last two he looks like that old footage of the Bigfoot running away, lol. He always had that chimp thing going anyway, because of the rubber face.
76. Posted by VT326 on January 25, 2007 10:24 PM
All you negative Nellies!! Must be nic eto have perfect bodies in and out of bathing suits. What would you all look like in a spandex bathing suit? Besides it's the inside that counts in a person. And I am not saying that because I am ugly I'm average but Steven's got a good heart. Back Off.
77. Posted by Martie on February 14, 2007 1:22 PM
I had to sign up here to make this comment...It is a terrible thing that a celebrity such as Steven can't go on a vacation and go to the beach and have a good time without someone around every corner trying to photograph his every move...but I must confess....I LOVED finding these pictures! I have been to 3 Aerosmith concerts and he has "IT !!!" He is sooooo talented, such an AWSOME voice,AWSOME MUSIC and undeniable delicous,wild,real magnetic sex appeal.....mmmmmmmmm.......go see them in concert....YOU WILL SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! It is a auora all around him. He is a unique rare ONE OF KIND entertainer. I so wish I could meet him one day....I just don't know if the ticker could take it though....lol. I had doubting friends that I drug to a concert...they are TOTALLY in agreement now....HE ROCKS !!! IGNORE THE HATERS....DON'T CHANGE A THING STEVEN! YOU ARE SIZZLING HOT!
78. Posted by Martie on February 14, 2007 1:23 PM
I had to sign up here to make this comment...It is a terrible thing that a celebrity such as Steven can't go on a vacation and go to the beach and have a good time without someone around every corner trying to photograph his every move...but I must confess....I LOVED finding these pictures! I have been to 3 Aerosmith concerts and he has "IT !!!" He is sooooo talented, such an AWSOME voice,AWSOME MUSIC and undeniable delicous,wild,real magnetic sex appeal.....mmmmmmmmm.......go see them in concert....YOU WILL SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! It is a auora all around him. He is a unique rare ONE OF KIND entertainer. I so wish I could meet him one day....I just don't know if the ticker could take it though....lol. I had doubting friends that I drug to a concert...they are TOTALLY in agreement now....HE ROCKS !!! IGNORE THE HATERS....DON'T CHANGE A THING STEVEN! YOU ARE SIZZLING HOT!
79. Posted by baker77 on March 6, 2007 9:07 AM
He's an entertainer and singer not a swimsuit model you friggin loosers. Go see a show a-holes.