Jan 17 2007Britney Spears probably isn't pregnant
In Touch Weekly ran a pretty ridiculous story speculating that Britney Spears could be pregnant again and Britney's manager responded by saying:, "Britney is not pregnant," calling the story "absurd."
Rudolph tells Us that he believes that the "ridiculous" report came from an incident last week in which Spears' new boyfriend, Isaac Cohen, accidentally wiped peanut butter on his t-shirt while in the company of Spears. Observers wrongly concluded she had vomited, and thus was experiencing morning sickness. "Because Isaac didn't lick the peanut butter off his fingers, someone decided that it must not be peanut butter, but must instead be Britney's vomit," Rudolph joked. "Ridiculous."
That's too bad, because I've always felt that Britney Spears really needs another child to take of. The first two just don't seem like enough of a challenge for her. Sure, she probably confused the last one for a cupcake and ate it, but that's the kind of thing you do when you're a natural mother. That, and topping your salads with whipped cream and chocolate.
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Reader Comments
1. BarbadoSlim - January 17, 2007 3:19 PM
Since when does peanut butter come in liquefied form?
try again you dumb ho'
2. Twisted Humor - January 17, 2007 3:21 PM
I don't think Britney is pregnant with Isaac Cohen's kid... if anything it would be from K-Fed's leftover crusted sperm on her unwashed slop-hole.
In any case, Isaac Cohen is not supposed to date Britney spears because in the Jewish religion, a pig is considered a dirty animal.
3. sol - January 17, 2007 3:22 PM
jeez, she wipes her ass on her new boyfriend's t-shirt and look what an uproar it caused...
4. Binky - January 17, 2007 3:25 PM
Explaining the apparent weight gain, a Spears spokesperson said,
" It's not a Fed-Ex lay, or a new BFF lay. It's Frito Lay."
5. sol - January 17, 2007 3:25 PM
Britney: Want some bacon?
Isaac: No man, I don't eat pork.
Britney: Are you Jewish?
Isaac: Nah, I ain't a practicing orthodox Jew, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
Britney: Why not?
Isaac: Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Britney: Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
Isaac: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces.
6. twzzlrgirl - January 17, 2007 3:44 PM
O.k., so this new boyfriend is taking a page from the K-Fed playbook and wiping his fingers off on his shirt, just like any other mannerless slob.
You sure can pick 'em, Brit.
7. danielle - January 17, 2007 3:45 PM
Why does she always look like she just gave deep throat?...leaky mascara, blotchy skin, mouth partially open...yup, she sure knows how to keep a side job.
8. youdontwannaknow - January 17, 2007 3:50 PM
At what point will DSS step in an demand a mandatory sterilization? Soon I hope.
9. BarbadoSlim - January 17, 2007 3:55 PM
Okay, supposing I didn't know who she was, and/or the context of that picture, they could tell me it's a still from an episode of COPS and I would believe it.
titled as:
Palooka, West Virginia
Prostitution Stop
10. woodhorse - January 17, 2007 4:23 PM
if she probably isn't pregnant, then why is she so fat, probably?
11. LL - January 17, 2007 4:29 PM
If Britney's not pregnant and wants to stay that way, all she's gotta do is put this photo up on her mirror and use it for reference every morning.
12. farrah runs with scissors - January 17, 2007 4:52 PM
considering KFed already had visiting day #1, she SHOULD be pregnant by now...
13. Laffinmybuttoff - January 17, 2007 5:34 PM
haHAhaHa I saw the peanut butter pictures, yep he wiped peanut butter all over his hand, his shirt, her dress...big disgusting....Needless to say it was really gross, the "peanut butter" was everywhere.
Brit in rehab in the next 60 days. Mark my words.
14. eXtasyStef - January 17, 2007 5:49 PM
Who's bothering to watch Ms. So Yesterday closely enough to care if it's peanut butter or vomit?
Hey, you got your vomit in my peanut butter...
15. lattygirl - January 17, 2007 5:56 PM
Nah, can't be a pregnancy...if any barfing was going on, it was probably because someone looked at her in that dress and yakked on the Boy Toy, for his lack of taste...
16. kwiet3 - January 17, 2007 5:59 PM
Looks pregnant to me....I mean, why else would she be wearing that GOD AWFUL dress???
17. kathleen170 - January 17, 2007 6:56 PM
Oh Britney, what happened to you? You used to be hot, and now you're just... fat.
18. youdontwannaknow - January 17, 2007 7:19 PM
Isn't it sad when your career (and looks) peek at 16? It's been down hill since then.
19. drowningfool - January 17, 2007 8:09 PM
She looks like a bald Uncle Fester. A fat man tranvestite, it you will...with fake hair. And, no, I would not "hit that."
20. Sassy - January 17, 2007 10:38 PM
Ya she needs another kid because clearly she's going to win 'mom of the year'. And that was so totally peanut butter. Because everyone carries around GLASS peanut butter jars. IN.THEIR.POCKET.
21. hempmonster - January 17, 2007 10:51 PM
My god
she just keeps gettin worse
22. BigMember - January 17, 2007 11:05 PM
My theory about the "peanut butter":
She was in a midst of giving him a blow job when her gag refelx caught up with her, so she barfed and that's why his hands were covered in peanut butter barf.He was simply trying to protect his "member" from the rain of puke coming from Britney's mouth.
23. Lowlands - January 18, 2007 12:12 AM
This was probobly the most flattering pic you could find?
24. abdomtv - January 18, 2007 3:41 AM
My god !!!! Why is she looking like that???
25. RichPort - January 18, 2007 5:34 AM
sigh...gotta give it up for danielle: "Why does she always look like she just gave deep throat?...leaky mascara, blotchy skin, mouth partially open."
that's some funny shit right there.
26. jrzmommy - January 18, 2007 6:26 AM
And by "Observers " they mean a couple of us nasty, mean-spirited, fuck-ups here at the Fish. Hee!
27. kingnoony - January 18, 2007 6:34 AM
and to think of the times that i surfed the internet with one hand while looking at her pictures. man, how quickly they fall....
28. RichPort - January 18, 2007 8:13 AM
#25 - Uh, yeah right. The only thing I'd give up to damnYELL are food stamps, insults and bullets... not necessarily in that order. It would take an Immaculate Erection for me to ever give her props for being funny. But at least she tries. You on the other hand are a me wannabe. Nice try, fart knocker.
29. cruzin333 - January 18, 2007 8:17 AM
You would think these celebrities have heard of "birth control."
But since Britney doesn't seem to know what that is, maybe Angelina Jolie can adopt Brit's next baby, the poor soul.
30. 86 - January 18, 2007 8:17 AM
WHAT??? This is the most absurd story ever. Just wait nine months and see if anything pops out, christ!! Would she really get pregnant while planning her big comeback?
But wouldn't it be funny if she WAS pregnant. Man how funny would that be. And by funny I mean hilariously sad.
31. Elwood - January 18, 2007 10:03 AM
Ok...peanut butter...that's a good explanation. I like how he decides to touch everything in the front of the car with his peanut butter hands. If I had a runny, fist-full of peanut butter, I would be sure to touch my phone and my clothes, the clothes of the person in the passenger seat, as well as random car parts...So wonderful!
32. BoardBetty - January 18, 2007 10:15 AM
Wouldn't it be funny if she were pregnant with some mutant spawn of both K-Fed and Isaac Cohen. Their sperm both fertilized Britney's egg at the same time!!! It grows in her and then suddenly, one night while she's partying it up it bursts forth from her bloated abdomen like in "Alien!!!"
The now eviserated Britney lies on the club floor with her cooter hanging out and the same clueless look on her face as the picture above while the K-Cohen spawn runs about the club demanding a cash settlement and child support.
33. RichPort - January 18, 2007 10:26 AM
"Why do I always look like I was on the receiving end of a brutal lubeless butt bang?"
That's a rhetorical question, folks. We all know the answer, ...
34. F-Sucker - January 18, 2007 12:18 PM
Sure she is..........I knocked her up.
35. Boogie Monster - January 18, 2007 1:54 PM
They are the worst hair extensions i've ever seen.
36. diarrhea riot - January 18, 2007 4:19 PM
Is it that nasty yellow yarn she's got on her head distorting my vision, or does she look more like a fucking mongoloid than usual?
37. diarrhea riot - January 18, 2007 4:20 PM
FrankenBrit
38. castanza - January 19, 2007 1:30 AM
So basically either 1) Hollywood, 2) K-Fed, or 3) Staying up too late at parties... results in making you look 40 when you're in your 20's. At least that's the vibe I'm getting from this photo.
39. licklick - January 19, 2007 6:14 PM
Trashier and trashier every day. A girl after my own heart!
Come on home, Britney. You can share my trailer and 'frig any day. (I just bought me a case of Bud and they're chillin' right now!)
40. sigmanu - January 22, 2007 10:05 PM
SHE IS SUCH TRAILER TRASH AND TO THINK EVERYONE WAS IN THE PALM OF HER HAND WHEN BABY ONE MORE TIME CAME OUT. THAT FUCKING REDNECK FOOLED US ALL. LIP SYNCING, TRAILER ROCKING, DUMB BITCH. SHE REMINDS ME OF A $2 HOOKER. EXCEPT THEY PROBABLY HAVE MORE BRAINS THEN HER.
41. HollywoodSnark - March 26, 2007 10:14 AM
yeah, well, who'd want to touch that fatty now?