Feb 2 2007Denise Richards snorts some cocaine at the beach
I don't know why Denise Richards is suddenly famous again, but here she is allegedly snorting some cocaine and playing it off like she just put on lip balm. She really sticks to her lip balm story so it's tough to tell what exactly is going on. Although there's some potential white residue in her nose here which makes me lean towards the cocaine theory. Plus if you check the closeup most people don't apply lip balm to their noses. I mean my friend Joe used to do it, but he was just stupid as hell.
Thanks to the spectacularly curvy Regina for the tip.
Feb 2 2007Denise Richards flashes her labia
While hanging out at the beach with Richie Sambora, Denise Richards accidentally flashed her labia. I feel bad even calling it a flash since she's still wearing her shorts. It shouldn't even be in the same category as Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears flashing their bojangles. It'd be like taking an x-ray photo of Scarlett Johansson in jeans and t-shirt and then calling her a little slut.
Click the thumbnails for the NSFW closeups.
Feb 2 2007Mena Suvari's hair is...I don't even know
I don't usually care about hair, but what the hell is going on here? Mena Suvari was spotted at Mercedes-Benz fashion week looking like she's smuggling a vase under her wig. Are those even considered bangs anymore? She looks like the love child of a Conehead and Cousin Itt.
A couple more of Mena Suvari and her ridiculous hair after the jump.
Continue Reading "Mena Suvari's hair is...I don't even know"
Feb 2 2007Paris Hilton might be Hitler
Here are some more videos from ParisExposed.com of Paris Hilton calling people "niggers" and "faggots" and "chinks" and pretty much every other ignorant ass thing a person can say. She's also seen doing ecstasy and smoking pot and in one of the videos says: "I get fucked in the butt for coke!"
These were leaked awhile ago but I thought you were as sick of the ParisExposed stuff as I was so I didn't post them. Unfortunately the ton of email I've been getting suggest otherwise so here they are. You can see the rest of the clips after the jump, but they're all equally boring.
Thanks to everybody that sent this in.
Feb 2 2007Britney Spears maybe begging for K-Fed to come back
According to close friends of Kevin Federline, Britney Spears has allegedly been making late-night phone calls to K-Fed in hopes of getting him back. They also say Britney's relationship with Isaac Cohen is just a ruse to make Kevin jealous. Other sources say Britney is completely over him and that when they do talk it's about their two kids.
According to these sources, the reports that Britney will ante up $25 mil to K-Fed to end their marriage are ridiculous. One connected source says the $25 million figure is grossly inflated, "by 25 times." In other words, the bad news is that K-Fed will be a millionaire. The good news -- just barely.
I'm pretty sure Kevin Federline's "close friends" are really just him calling up reporters from his motel room and pretending to be other people. And after making up fake stories about himself he lies in bed crying, wishing he didn't have to save money for breakfast so he could order some porn.
EDIT: I added some more pics of Britney Spears at Target because, well, they're funny.
Continue Reading "Britney Spears maybe begging for K-Fed to come back"
Feb 2 2007Fergie not yet reproducing
Fergie told reporters in Miami yesterday that says she's not engaged and not pregnant. She says:
"I've heard that I've been engaged probably about seven times, and pregnant, but I've never been either. Sorry to disappoint."
Sorry to disappoint? Who the fuck is disappointed that Fergie isn't engaged or pregnant? It's like rooting for the Wolf Man to have kids. Nobody wants that. Because that just means there'd be more Wolf People in the world. If this is Fergie after tons of plastic surgery can you imagine what she naturally looks like? Her kids would come out looking like radioactive mutants.
Feb 2 2007Linday Lohan and Paris Hilton are terrible actors
Page Six reports Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton have been having trouble on their respective movie sets. A source on the set of I Know Who Killed Me says that ever since she went to the Wonderland clinic, Lindsay Lohan has been trailed by a "sober coach" as well as an entourage, and has been "moody and is making everyone miserable around her. She'll be late and sometimes won't come out of her trailer." As for Paris Hilton, a source says she's been arriving late on the set of The Hottie and the Nottie and has trouble learning her lines. A source adds: "Everyone is really fed up with her right now."
I'm not sure how this is news. I mean, sure, memorizing lines is easy for the average person, but expecting Paris Hilton to do it with the brain she was given is like expecting a mouse to build you a working rocket ship.
Feb 1 2007Danny Bonaduce is a freak of nature
Danny Bonaduce showed up topless to Podfitness.com's TV launch party yesterday because apparently 'hobo' is proper red carpet attire. I dunno what it is with washed up celebrities, but they always seem to gravitate towards looking like monsters. One of these days Scott Baio is gonna show up to the Emmy Awards looking like a chupacabra and eating a live goat.
A few more of Danny Bondacue defying description after the jump.
Feb 1 2007Sienna Miller goes crazy on photographer
Sienna Miller flipped out in New York City yesterday and shoved a photographer trying to take her picture. Which is probably what I'd do too if I was wearing those boots. You don't want photographic evidence of that. It'd be like getting caught wearing a banana peel as a hat.
Feb 1 2007Lindsay Lohan has a healthy appetite
Lindsay Lohan has reportedly been sending Brody Jenner text messages the last couple weeks while in rehab, and last Saturday she allegedly texted him that all she wanted was "McDonald's and sex."
Really? McDonald's and sex? She's officially become a caricature of herself. If I was to make up a story about her texting from rehab that's exactly what it would've been. I'm just waiting for the day she puts on a silly hat, picks up a rifle, and goes hunting for wabbits.
And because she's a child, here's Lindsay Lohan screaming for attention by trying to make love to the camera and then pretending to hide under a jacket. She might as well be twirling a fiery baton while trying to do cartwheels and yelling: "Look what I can do!"
Feb 1 2007Fergie is still a tranny
It's no surprise that Fergie is ugly, but is she even trying to cover up the fact that she's a dude anymore? She might as well let that beard of hers finally grow out and stop taping her penis back.
A few more of Fergie looking like she's wearing a really bad Fergie mask after the jump.
Feb 1 2007Tyra Banks stands up for fatties
On today's episode of The Tyra Banks Show, Tyra Banks puts on the bathing suit everybody's been calling her fat over. Then she goes ape shit and starts raging on anybody who's ever ridiculed somebody over their weight. In an attempt to fish for some viewers, the clip cuts off at the end of her rant telling the viewer to tune in to find out what she says. And not that you couldn't have guessed, but the part that was cut off was: "Kiss my fat ass."
The worst part of the clip is when she tries to hit her "sexy" poses. I'm pretty sure nobody is "used to seeing her like that." You don't get used to seeing horror. You could spend everyday with Brian Peppers and everytime you ran into him it'd still be: "Ahh! Jesus, Brian, put the bag back on."
Feb 1 2007Denise Richards and Richie Sambora hit the beach
Denise Richards and Richie Sambora were spotted at the beach together despite 4 billion years of natural selection suggesting otherwise. And I never noticed before but there's something very peculiar going on with Denise Richards's body. In this shot she looks like she could be Hercules, and in this shot she looks like she could be Tara Reid's stomach double. Which is basically the equivalent of saying her abs look like they've turned into peanut butter.
A few more of Denise Richards and her bunny shorts after the jump.
Continue Reading "Denise Richards and Richie Sambora hit the beach"
Jan 31 2007Courtney Love not replacing Paula Abdul
Courtney Love claimed yesterday she was being brought in to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol, but now the executive producer who allegedly called her is denying he ever made the call. He says:
"I did not call Courtney Love and am afraid someone may have misrepresented me. Courtney Love is a very talented artist, but the judges for American Idol are Paula, Randy and Simon. We have no plans to add to or replace any of them." So who made that mysterious phone call? A source close to Love says, "It was probably a prank." A rep for Love adds, "There's no truth to it whatsoever."
The first sign the story might not have been true was that the source was Courtney Love. I'm surprised she was quoted as even using words. Usually it's just some slurred mumbling like: "Iaa wannna make nngggghh. Nggghhh it huuuuuurts. Huungry. I'mma so huungry. Nggghh." She probably thinks she gets important calls all the time, when really she's just talking into her shoe like it's a phone.
Jan 31 2007Sienna Miller has sex, can't dress herself
The New York Daily News reports Sienna Miller and Hayden Christensen were allegedly having real sex during the lovemaking scenes in Factory Girl.
"It's not simulated," an insider tells us. "They're really doing it." At the movie's premiere on Monday, director George Hickenlooper would tell us only: "Sienna and Hayden grew close during the filming. It was an emotional experience for all of us." As for the sex, he said, "We tried to portray it tastefully." And was congress actually in session during the shooting? "I can't comment," Hickenlooper answered. "You'll have to ask Sienna about it." Yesterday, Miller's publicist said the sex wasn't bona fide: "She's just a really good actress."
And after the premiere for Factory Girl Monday night, Sienna Miller changed into this thing for the after-party. This isn't like her caught between changing, this is the actual final outfit. This is the result of her changing. Can you imagine what she was wearing before this? It must've been like dead animals stapled to a cardboard box.
Jan 31 2007Pete Doherty still doing the drugs thing
I don't even know how this is news anymore, but The Sun got video of Pete Doherty injecting himself with cocaine in a Thai hostel after joining three girls in their room. The video was taken just two days after his and Kate Moss' Buddhist blessing on New Year's Day. He was invited back to the room after being recognized by an Australian fan. She asked if rumors he had married Kate were true and he replied: "No, I love her but I wouldn't marry her if she was the last woman on Earth. She's too paranoid." Then after going back to the room he injected himself with cocaine three times between 1:30am and 4am. Eventually the girls got nervous and tried to get him out of there, but Pete couldn't remember where his villa was.
"When we got him downstairs, he asked the man on reception where he could score some heroin. Then he went up to every taxi driver asking if they could score him some drugs. I sent Kate a text reading, 'Dropped Peter off at the Bob Marley cafe. He's a bit out of sorts'. That's the last we saw of him." The next day, Doherty had a bust-up with a cab driver and furious Kate ordered him home to England. The Sun told yesterday how the pair are attending a London clinic together to battle the singer's addictions.
How is Pete Doherty even still alive? At first I wrote him off as a joke, but now he's a miracle of science. The amount of drugs he's taken should theoretically kill a whale. You could probably inject him with lava and he'd just laugh it off as he drank a cup of paint.
Jan 31 2007Jennifer Aniston talks about her new nose
Jennifer Aniston has an interview with People magazine and talks about her "lesbian" kiss with Courteney Cox on Dirt as well as the recent plastic surgery she got on her nose.
So what about that kiss between you and Courteney? It was touted as a passionate lip-lock.
It's a good-bye kiss. I don't honestly think people want to see Rachel and Monica have at it.
Did you two laugh when it became such a big deal?
Of course! I think I won a bet. I told Courteney, "How many days will it take to come out? 'Lesbian kiss! Lip-lock!' " It was a record: about a week.
Currently the tabs are having a field day over rumors about plastic surgery - your nose, your boobs. What's going on?
(Laughs) It's funny. I had [a deviated septum] fixed - best thing I ever did. I slept like a baby for the first time in years. As far as all the other [rumors], as boring as it sounds, it's still mine. All of it. Still mine.
They're still gonna run before and after pictures ...
Short of letting everybody have a feel, I don't know what else to do. I really am pretty happy with what God gave me.
Saying you're happy with what God gave you only counts when you haven't had plastic surgery. You can't get three nose jobs and be all: "Yeah, God really blessed me." It'd be like RoboCop saying how lucky he is God gave him a naturally bulletproof body and a sweet robotic head.
Jan 31 2007Daniel Radcliffe to show off his dong with a horse
This news has been around since late last year, but I guess it took an erotic photoshoot with a horse for everybody to start caring. 17-year-old Daniel Radcliffe is set to star in the London revival of the Tony award winning play Equus. The original calls for full frontal nudity including a scene where the main character simulates a sex act while riding naked on a horse. Who knows how faithful the new version will be, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed. And by "keeping my fingers crossed" I mean I've got a knife ready to lop off my penis if that horrible day ever comes.
A ton more of a half-naked Harry Potter looking ready to get it on with his horse after the jump. Thanks to all the bestiality perverts that sent this in.
Continue Reading "Daniel Radcliffe to show off his dong with a horse"
Jan 31 2007Brandy is getting super sued
A day after the California Highway Patrol recommended Brandy be charged with misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter, the parents of the woman killed in the car accident announced they're suing her for $50 million, with the wrongful-death suit claiming Brandy drove recklessly when she caused the accident.
This just isn't Brandy's week. Later today she's probably gonna find out she has AIDS and then when she sees her doctor she's gonna get her arm bitten off because turns out her doctor is really just an alligator disguised in a long white coat.
Jan 30 2007Courtney Love might replace Paula Abdul on American Idol
Us Weekly reports that Paula Abdul is being replaced with Courtney Love on American Idol. Courtney says that American Idol's executive producer Nigel Lythgoe called her office last week inquiring if she'd be interested in sitting in as a judge.
"He called," Love tells Usmagazine.com. "He was wondering if I was interested. I thought it was kind of weird but brilliant." But a source tells Usmagazine.com that Lythgoe was considering having Love "replace Paula."
Doesn't replacing Paula Abdul with Courtney Love sort of defeat the purpose of replacing Paula Abdul? It's like getting bit by your pet dog and deciding to replace it with an angry polar bear that hasn't eaten in two weeks. Yeah, Paula Abdul is usually drunk and incoherent, but if they put Courtney Love on the show she'd spend 90% of the time crawling on the floor crying and calling up old boyfriends to take her back. Then she'd start dry humping a trashcan before throwing up and muttering about how embarrassed she is as she falls asleep.
Jan 30 2007Heidi Klum is a handsome fellow
It's like a no makeup freak show this week or something. Heidi Klum was spotted shopping without her makeup on looking like a damn monster. Didn't she used to be a supermodel? I don't know what having kids and being married to Seal is doing to her, but now she looks like Hannibal Lecter. I'm 95% sure she's eyeing up some guy's liver in this shot, planning which wine would go best with it over dinner.
Jan 30 2007Michelle Rodriguez pole dances
Michelle Rodriguez was spotted giving an imprompto pole dance at a New York nightclub. She reportedly danced on the pole for twenty minutes before kissing a mystery woman. A source says:
"She took lemon wedges and greased the pole so she could slide better," a fellow clubgoer told the New York Daily News. "She didn't get naked, but she was hanging upside down and twirling around. It was wild." The eyewitness said Rodriguez then "made out with this woman who she came in with," adding that the woman wasn't Kristanna Loken, the Lost star's girlfriend who outed the lesbian couple last year.
Whoever encouraged her to put on the show should see a medical expert about their eyes mental health. Watching a senile old woman make out with her pet cat would be more arousing.
Thanks to the beautiful Lauren for the tip.
Jan 30 2007Paris Hilton gets her sue on
Paris Hilton filed a federal lawsuit yesterday seeking to shut down ParisExposed.com which displays her personal photos, videos, diaries, and other belongings. The belongings were auctioned off for $2,775 after Paris failed to pay a storage facility fee and were later sold for $10 million to the creator of the site. Paris says:
"I was appalled to learn that people are exploiting my and my sisters' private personal belongings for commercial gain," Hilton said in a declaration supporting the lawsuit, adding she was concerned the information could be used for identity theft or harassment.
I'd feel sorry for Paris except that she's responsible for every step that led up to this. It'd be like building a giant tower out of glass and knives and then suing Ikea after it collapsed on you.
More of Paris Hilton smoking some weed after the jump.
Jan 30 2007Brandy might be charged with manslaughter
The California Highway Patrol recommended yesterday that Brandy be charged with misdemeanor vehicular manslaughter for that crash last month that ended in a fatality. The CHP is saying in a report that she broke the law by driving at a speed "greater than is reasonable or prudent" or that "endangers the safety of persons or property." If convicted she'd serve a maximum sentence of 1 year in prison and a $1,000 fine.
She should've just done what I do when I get arrested: bat my eyes and playfully push my chest together while purring "Oh, officer..." Keep in mind this only works if you're stunningly handsome like I am, so I guess if Brandy tried it they'd mistake her for an extraterrestrial and have her shipped off to a lab.
Jan 30 2007Ivanka Trump has ridiculous boobs
Ivanka Trump showed up to the 50th Annual International Red Cross Ball sporting some super lopsided breasts. I mean, really, when your dad's a billionaire you can probably afford a decent plastic surgeon. You don't have to go to that guy who meets you in the alley behind 7-Eleven and keeps his surgical tools tied to his donkey. Christ, a platypus could've done a better job. And they don't even have thumbs.
Jan 30 2007Hilary Duff is a drunkard
19-year-old Hilary Duff reportedly got drunk at club Hyde with her sister last Thursday and was seen teetering into the women's restroom with one of her girlfriends and a flamboyant male friend.
"It was kind of inappropriate," the onlooker sneers. "She was pretty drunk and staggering around the bathroom, bumping into people and shrieking that her gay male friend had a vagina so it was okay for him to be there." The sisters continued to party Paris Hilton-style throughout the night at a VIP table, where our source says they were "all over" their two man-dates. Haylie 21, whispered in the ear of her 30-ish-year-old date while kissing his neck. Hilary perched on her date's lap, laughing and flirting with her own older man. Says the source: "When I've seen Hilary out in the past, she has been relatively composed, but tonight she was acting pretty wild."
I'm confused here. I always thought Hilary Duff was the good one. While Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan were snorting cocaine off bathroom floors Hilary Duff was the one driving her boyfriend away by refusing to have sex with him. And now this? Next you're gonna start telling me she's not a real live horse-woman. It's like my whole world is turning upside down!
Jan 29 2007Kevin Federline's Nationwide Insurance commercial
Kevin Federline's Nationwide Insurance commercial has been released and it's actually pretty good. Not the rapping. Oh, no, not the rapping. But the commercial itself made me chuckle, and you gotta give K-Fed props for being able to laugh at himself. It's gotta be a pretty nice break from his usual sobbing. Plus I like how they spliced in footage from his documentary at the end.
Thanks to everybody who sent this in.
Jan 29 2007Victoria Beckham is frugal
Victoria Beckham is telling her friends she has no intention of becoming a Scientologist despite her close friendship with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes because it's too expensive.
"There's no way I'd spend any money on that nonsense," she told a friend recently about the faith founded by author L. Ron Hubbard. Says another pal: "It's completely laughable that there's even talk of her becoming a Scientologist. Just because people are friends with someone doesn't mean they do everything they do. Scientology is like kabbala in that it's become all about money. Kabbala bracelets are now $28! It's a joke. Scientology is an expensive religion; Victoria is too cheap to convert."
Victoria Beckham got her teeth whitened for $44,000 so I'm pretty sure wasting money on stupid crap isn't the problem. I suspect it may have more to do with the fact that she'd have to worship intergalactic space aliens and wear an aluminum jump suit. Two of the main reasons I've already signed myself up. Plus I like pretending to shoot laser guns and going "Pew pew pew!"
Eva Longoria was spotted leaving Koi looking like the woman I tip at the local drycleaner. If you know makeup can make you look this good, why would you ever step outside without it? It's like having the choice to dress in Gucci but putting on a potato sack instead.
A couple more of Eva Longoria looking like a Mexican lawn gnome after the jump.
Jan 29 2007Angelina Jolie's mom dies
Angelina Jolie's 56-year-old mother died Saturday afternoon at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after battling cancer for seven years. Angelina Jolie, her older brother James Haven, and Brad Pitt were at the hospital with her Saturday at the time of death.
It must've been pretty cool for her to have died with Brad Pitt at her bed. As a last request she should've asked to tongue kiss him or something. I would've said "do it with her" but let's try and keep her final moments classy.
Jan 29 2007Jaime Pressly got really fat
Wow, Jaime Pressly really let herself go. I used to think she was amazingly fit, but she showed up to the Screen Actors Guild Awards looking like a Fatasaurus Rex. It's almost as if she's got a tiny little person living inside her belly. But I'm a world class detective, so I'm gonna have to go with she totally porked out at a local buffet right before showing up. You know, like in a cartoon. Looks like my powers of deduction have solved the case again!
Jan 29 2007Rachel McAdams is a 12-year-old
It takes a talented person to make Rachel McAdams look like crap, so congratulations to Mr. Person who did her up for the Screen Actors Guild Awards. She looks like Jared Leto playing the role of Rachel McAdams in some futuristic Japanese kid's show.
Jan 29 2007Paris Hilton gets molested by Joe Francis
If you can make it through this NSFW 20-minute video of Paris Hilton being Paris Hilton you should consider becoming a Buddhist monk. I skipped through 98% of it and I still feel like I died a little inside. Anyways, included on the video are multiple scenes of Paris getting groped and molested by Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis in front of his friends, as well as an insane person doing a ton of cocaine off his own chest. That's about all I can tell you because I had to stop watching before I died of boredom. You'd probably be better off just staring at your own shadow for 20 minutes.
