Jan 26 2007Sharon Stone "forgets" her bra
Sharon Stone was spotted leaving The Ivy without her bra on, which is the equivalent of wearing a big sign around her neck that says "Look at me! I want attention!" I mean yeah, people will look at you, but they'll also look at a naked clown walking into Chuck E. Cheese's. That doesn't mean he's a star.
Jan 26 2007UPDATE: Pamela Anderson and George Clooney might be dating
Pamela Anderson and George Clooney are supposedly a couple after the two were spotted having a romantic dinner date together. Clooney booked a private room at the Valley Inn restaurant in California recently, and the night ended with Anderson sitting on his lap and whispering in his ear. Since then the two have been inseparable, even walking their dogs together. A source says:
"George and Pam have been determined to keep this one quiet."
With all the selection George Clooney has to choose from you'd think he'd aim a little higher than Pamela Anderson. Ten years ago it would've made sense but now it's just perplexing. It'd be like going to a fancy restaurant and turning down the filet mignon to eat a used condom instead.
UPDATE George Clooney is denying the date ever happened, claiming he hasn't seen Pamela Anderson in seven years and hasn't even been to that restaurant before. Although he also once claimed I wasn't devilishly good looking, so I don't know what to believe any more.
Jan 26 2007Kathy Griffin wants attention
Kathy Griffin was spotted in New York the other day hanging out of her limo's window, waving her arms frantically and shouting:
"Hey, everyone! It's me! Kathy Griffin!"
Jesus, how did this actually happen? It's like an SNL skit making fun of Kathy Griffin, only it's not a skit and the person playing Kathy Griffin is actually Kathy Griffin. And how does she have a limo? Shouldn't she be driving a Kia Rio? Or a cardboard box with wheels taped on?
Jan 26 2007Joel Madden and Shifty Shellshock fight
Who knows how old this video is, but it's of Good Charlotte's Joel Madden and Crazy Town's Shifty Shellshock fighting each other. And I have no idea who Shifty Shellshock is but that's gotta be the worst name ever. Usually when you pick your own nickname you go with something cool, like Juggernaut. You don't pick something that makes you sound like a dipshit. He might as well call himself Sissy McLoser.
Jan 25 2007Lindsay Lohan keeps body parts in her freezer
Lindsay Lohan reportedly keeps her appendix in her freezer because she was so worried it would end up being sold on eBay she asked the hospital staff if she could take it home. Additionally, her friend Kimberly Stewart is trying to get her to auction it off for charity herself.
There's something very wrong with Lindsay Lohan's brain. It's like everything she learned she learned from watching Saturday morning cartoons. I wouldn't be surprised if she hides her cereal in her closet, constantly paranoid that the people she runs into are secretly the Trix rabbit in disguise.
Jan 25 2007Katie Holmes wears bodyshaping underwear
Katie Holmes accidentally flashed her bodyshaping underwear while getting out of her limo at Giorgio Armani's Paris couture show last night. Jesus, aren't upskirts supposed to be sexy? They're not supposed to conjure images of your grandma and make your penis melt. The only way these could be any more unsexy is if a tiny old man crawled out from under there.
NOTE: They're not pantyhose. Check the feet and how the underwear cuts into her thighs. Or don't and keep your eyesight.
Jan 25 2007Tyra Banks talks about being fat
Tyra Banks is publicly talking about her recent weight gain (she's 5'10" and currently weighs 161 lbs), and tells People magazine:
"I get so much mail from young girls who say, 'I look up to you, you're not as skinny as everyone else, I think you're beautiful.' So when they say that my body is 'ugly' and 'disgusting,' what does that make those girls feel like? I still feel hot, but every day is different. It's when I put on the jeans that used to fit a year ago and don't fit now and give me the muffin top, that's when I say, 'Damn!' I feel more comfortable when I'm lighter - I sleep better, I snore less, I have more endurance when I work out, my arms look better. I've made millions of dollars with the body I have, so where's the pain in that? If I was in pain, I would have dieted. The pain is not there - the pain is someone printing a picture of me and saying those (horrible) things."
Being fat is cool if you're a sumo wrestler or a circus freak or a hot dog eating champion, but usually it's just gross. I'm not saying fat people can't be sexy, they just have to be clever about it. You know, like printing out a full sized poster of a supermodel and taping it to their neck. Or getting everybody in the world drunk. Or not being fat.
Jan 25 2007Paris Hilton gets more exposed
Yeah, that's Paris Hilton. And yeah, she's smoking a tampon. Don't ask me why, because I've given up trying to understand her. She could be making out with a pinata she made out of her own hair and you'd just shrug it off as Paris being Paris. If you want to see more tampon-smoking fun and her other "exposed" tapes you can download all of them here. Page Six also has a list of some of the other material included in the storage facility and they include:
* Prescription bottles for Hydrocodone, a painkiller similar to OxyContin used to manage anxiety disorders, post-party sleep aid Ambien and the herpes medication Valtrex.
* A medical bill from a Los Angeles clinic, billing an "Amber Taylor" - with the same birth date as Paris - for a miscarriage in March 2003.
* A journal analyzing her booze-fueled dreams.
* Her reality TV co-star Nicole Richie's University of Arizona ID card.
* Sister Nicky's Nevada marriage certificate.
* Several bank statements, including one with an ending monthly balance of just $9.26.
* Home videos she shot of visits with her sick grandmother.
* To-do lists that include an assortment of errands, including a reminder to buy Christmas gifts.
And these? Well these are NSFW photos of Paris getting her boobs pulled out of her bikini by Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis. I mean sure, why not. I'm just wondering where they hid the donkey.
Jan 25 2007Jennifer Garner is irresponsible
Jennifer Garner says she lost a diamond ring Ben Affleck gave her on Monday after dropping it under their ice maker.
"He gave me this beautiful diamond ring and I was playing with it and ... it fell off," she said. "And it fell under this ice maker in the house - he hasn't even heard of this yet - and ... it fell into the drain under this ice maker. The plumber had to come and dismantle the thing from under the house. And he found it," she said, holding up her hand to show the ring sparkling again on her finger. "And Ben hasn't even heard that," said co-host Regis Philbin. "I should have warned him," Garner said.
What the hell? How do you lose your ring in an ice maker? Did she crawl into her freezer for some quality time with herself? Usually you just grab a Fudgecicle and get out. You don't get distracted by the sparkles on your finger and go nuts like a three year old.
Jan 25 2007Angelina Jolie has more money than you
Angelina Jolie reportedly spent more than $700 last Friday to check into Shutters on the Beach hotel in Santa Monica for two hours so that she and Maddox could take a shower. A source says:
"Angelina said they only wanted the room for two hours - time enough for them both to take a shower. She was very sweet and seemed like a concerned mom. It was just very bizarre, when she and Brad (Pitt) own two houses here in Los Angeles, that she would need to spend that kind of money on a hotel room just so she and Maddox could shower."
Jesus, if I spent $700 on a hotel room you better believe I'd stay there until they kicked me out. And even then I'd just sneak back through the window yelling about squatter's rights and waving the American flag in the air.
Jan 24 2007Paris Hilton checks out her own boobs
Paris Hilton was spotted checking out her breasts on the set of The Hottie and the Nottie. Which isn't really news, I just thought it was funny. If we ever need to kill her we could just put a mirror at the bottom of her pool and wait until she drowned herself. Or leave a mannequin at her front step and replace its penis with a stick of dynamite. Because Paris loves the sex and apparently I'm Wile E. Coyote.
A few more of Paris Hilton checking out her boobies after the jump.
Jan 24 2007Paris Hilton gets exposed
Remember when Paris Hilton forgot to pay her bill for a storage facility and all her stuff was sold to an unidentified buyer? Well the owner of all that wonderful crap launched ParisExposed.com yesterday which has a collection of photographs, home videos, diaries, love letters, recorded phone conversations, and phone numbers of friends and celebrities, which were all left behind in the storage facility. The site charges a monthly fee of $39.97 to gain access to footage of her in a "sexy bubble bath" video, as well as various shots of her in "racy situations" and footage of her drinking and using illegal substances.
Who exactly would pay for this stuff? A quick Google search will get you three hundred shots of Paris Hilton's vagina and a video of her having sex. And we've already seen her love letters, so the only interesting thing this site actually offers is her diary. And why would you pay $39.97 to read a book filled with "I like boys" written in crayon on every page?
Jan 24 2007Brandy is a murderer
Brandy was apparently involved in a fatal car accident last month and turns out it was her fault. She was going down the 405 Freeway in Los Angeles on December 30th, but didn't notice traffic in front of her had slowed down and ended up plowing into the car in front of her. That car hit another car and then slid into the center divider where it stopped and was hit was by another car. The driver was taken to the hospital in critical condition but died the next day. Brandy wasn't arrested, and police are currently doing an investigation to see if there was a malfunction.
I guess technically she didn't break the law, but driving that horribly should be illegal. All she had to do was stop. It's not like she was navigating a mine field or being shot at. If you looked in her driver's window you probably would've seen her trying to juggle bowling pins as she was driving.
Jan 24 2007Jennifer Aniston gets another nose job
A rep for Jennifer Aniston confirmed that she stopped by a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills over the weekend to get "a procedure done to correct a deviated septum that was incorrectly done over 12 years ago." A source close to Jennifer adds:
"Jen has hated her nose ever since her first nose job. She always said how lousy it was and that her nose was still too wide."
This all feels like a sad attempt to get Brad Pitt back. Next she's gonna get some boob implants, hire some model/actor to play her boyfriend, and then accidentally run into Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at their home wearing lingerie. "Oh, what are the odds of seeing you here? Oops, I dropped my pencil." Then when she bends over to pick it up all sexily she slips and falls in a pile of dog poo. And then as she runs off all embarrassed a car drives by and splashes her with mud.
Jan 24 2007Jessica Simpson has giant saggy knockers
Jessica Simpson was spotted leaving Nobu with John Mayer sporting some very impressive side boob. And I've concluded the only angle she doesn't look completely awful from is either topless or almost topless. Or falling down the stairs because she forgot how to walk. She's lucky she has a nice rack, otherwise instead of getting felt up by guys she'd be spending her Saturday nights trying to figure out why her microwave isn't heating up her frozen dinners. Here's a hint, Jessica, that's your washing machine.
And to make this remotely newsworthy, Jessica Simpson has joined John Mayer on his tour bus in Florida. Whee.
Jan 24 2007Mandy Moore and DJ AM making out
If there was any doubt as to whether Mandy Moore and DJ AM were actually going out or just friends, the two were spotted making out in the open at the Sundance Film Festival. Which just proves that one of Mandy's friends really needs to get their act together and have an intervention. You don't let friends drink and drive and you don't let friends make out with DJ AM. It'd be like watching them make out with a donkey and not say anything. At least tap them on the shoulder and go, "Uh..." or something.
Jan 23 2007Lindsay Lohan ditches rehab
Lindsay Lohan was spotted taking a break from rehab and entering the lobby of her apartment building yesterday. Residents of the Wonderland Center are allowed to leave to attend AA meetings and medical appointments, but I'm pretty sure neither of those are in Lindsay's apartment. And notice her clever disguise to avoid attention. Nothing blends in more than wearing a jacket over your head like you're a ghost. We're lucky she's not a spy, because I doubt the CIA would ever catch her. She'd end up sneaking into the White House by putting on a giant panda suit and pretending to read a newspaper as she walked by the guards.
Jan 23 2007Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson to harass virgins
Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson have been contacted to participate in a reality show called Virgin Territory where "a group of the uninitiated will find their way to the promised land." The show is being produced by Kevin Blatt, the same guy who brought us the Paris Hilton Sex Tape.
So wait, are Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson gonna sleep with these guys? Because they've already got a show like that and it's called Fear Factor. Jesus, it's bad enough the contestants are virgins, but their big prize is death by STD's. They might as well award the winner a free castration.
Jan 23 2007Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams might be married
Page Six reports that Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams might be secretly married. Heath was spotted wearing a wedding ring as he walked their daughter yesterday, and the two allegedly applied for a marriage license in Brooklyn last month.
I don't know why I'm posting this since there's only three people in the world that care and they're all watching Dawson's Creek reruns right now. I might as well be giving you an update on Zach Morris and Kelly Kapowski's relationship.
Jan 23 2007Keira Knightley sues paper for saying she's thin
Keira Knightley is suing the Daily Mail over an article which implied she lied about having an eating disorder. Her lawyer says:
"The article made reference to what it perceived to be Ms Knightley's very slim appearance. The article then reported the recent, tragic death of a teenage girl who suffered from anorexia and contained an interview with the girl's mother. We wish to make clear that Ms Knightley has the deepest sympathy for the girl's family. Ms Knightley has publicly denied suggestions that she might be anorexic or have a similar eating disorder, including in a prominent way at a well-publicised press conference to mark the European premiere of Pirates Of The Caribbean 2, in London last summer. Accordingly, in the proceedings, Ms Knightley will argue that the Mail's article suggests that she has dishonestly sought to mislead the public about whether she has anorexia or a similar eating disorder and will show that she does not have anorexia; and further will challenge the suggestion that she is responsible and to blame for the tragic death of the teenage girl by setting a bad example."
Maybe Keira Knightley doesn't know what anorexia means. She probably thinks it's some kind of dinosaur. That would explain a lot of things, like how she's so very anorexic but thinks she isn't. "No, no, I'm not an anorexic. I think those went extinct like a billion years ago."
Jan 23 2007Jessica Biel still wearing bikinis, blowing minds
I don't know when these shots of Jessica Biel were taken, but I'm pretty sure they're from her vacation in Puerto Rico. Or my imagination. Although if they were from my imagination she'd have a twin sister and there'd be a hippopotamus playing a harp in the background. And that paddle she's holding? It wouldn't be a paddle. I don't want to say exactly what it'd be, but it rhymes with penis.
A ton more of Jessica Biel in her bikini after the jump.
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Jan 22 2007Paris Hilton pleads no contest
Paris Hilton pleaded no contest to her DUI today and was placed on 36 months probation, ordered to pay a $1,500 fine, and forced to attend an alcohol education program. Additional conditions placed on her was that she's not to drive with any measurable amount of alcohol in her system and not refuse alcohol tests.
The only way they're gonna stop Paris Hilton from driving with alcohol in her system is to stop her from driving period. They might as well have ordered her to shoot the moon down with a bow and arrow.
One more of Paris Hilton's nipples trying to stick out more than her belly after the jump. Apparently pregnant is the new skinny.
Jan 22 2007Mena Suvari is topless, penis weeps
There's a market for watching women have sex with donkeys so I'm sure there's a market for Mena Suvari's boobs. I've always just assumed that market was the blind. If you've ever looked at Mena Suvari and thought, "Hey, I'd like to see her topless" consider seeing a therapist. Because if your other thoughts are half as disturbing, odds are you're gonna wind up murdering hitchhikers and wearing their skin.
A bunch more NSFW shots of Mena Suvari topless at the beach after the jump.
Jan 22 2007Jessica Biel enjoys Maria Menounos' butt
Jessica Biel felt up Maria Menouno's ass at the Golden Globes, saying: "The tush on that one is out of this world." And getting complimented by Jessica Biel on your butt is like getting complimented by Mr. T on your fool-pitying skills.
Jan 22 2007Mandy Moore is depressed
There's finally an explanation as to why Mandy Moore is dating DJ AM and it's because she's been battling depression. She tells Jane magazine:
"A few months ago, I felt really low, really sad. I'm a very positive person, and I've always been 'glass half-full.' So it was like someone flipped a switch in me."
In her depressed state she's just lucky she saw DJ AM first and not some monkey at the zoo she thought was flirting with her. Otherwise instead of making fun of her for having bad taste we'd be making fun of her for smelling her poo and falling out of a tree. Don't know what the hell I'm talking about? Watch and learn, my friends. Watch and learn.
Jan 22 2007Jessica Biel shows off her bikini butt
I don't know what kind of person chooses to stalk Jessica Biel for two weeks so they can get a shot of her bent over in her bikini, but thank God for them. Are they even greater heroes than firefighters? It's a tough call since my head just burst into flames looking at these, but my heart says yes. And my giant erection? Well that says super yes.
A few more of Jessica Biel hanging out in her bikini after the jump.
Jan 22 2007Gisele Bundchen judges anorexics
Gisele Bundchen blames anorexia on weak families and says the fashion industry shouldn't be held responsible.
"I never suffered from this problem (anorexia) because I had a very strong family base. Parents are responsible, not the fashion industry," she said in the Friday edition of O Globo newspaper. "Everybody knows that the norm in fashion is thin. But excuse me, there are people born with the right genes for this profession." Gisele said that as a child her peers teased her for being skinny with names like Olive Oil, the character from the Popeye cartoon. "In fashion I felt accepted ... I never felt lonely because I always relied on my family."
If being a model has taught me anything, it's that fat people are gross. And I gotta agree with Gisele here, if you're not as physically perfect as me or her you've got nobody to blame but yourself. Maybe the next time you're born you'll earn your good looks like the rest of us. And if not, at least have the good sense to kill yourself.
