Jan 19 2007P. Diddy sneaks a peak at Jessica Biel's rack
Yeah I'd probably be staring too. Either that, or trying to mash my face between them while making motorboat noises. But that's me. I'm classy.
Thanks to Scotty for the tip, and for constantly beaming people up all the time..
Jan 19 2007Britney Spears likes looking at herself
Britney Spears was spotted reading about herself at a Santa Monica convenience store yesterday night after dropping off some laundry nearby. Although I use the term "reading" as loosely as possible, since I'm not sure looking at pictures and drawing crayon frowny faces on the ugly ones actually qualifies.
Jan 19 2007Paris Hilton has disfigured eyelids
Page Six reports that Paris Hilton stopped by a plastic surgeon's office with her sister Nicky earlier this week to "fix her drooping left eyelid." Paris allegedly had a surgery six years ago to lift her eyelids but the muscles in her left eye were damaged as a result, "causing it to droop more than the right." And apparently by wearing blue-tinted contacts over her natural brown eyes she's making things worse.
"They have been drying out lately," dished the tipster. "She is ignoring doctors' orders to not wear her tinted contacts."
God, that's a relief. All this time I thought that was Paris Hilton's idea of looking sexy. Like some sort of seductive wink she read in a dating book. Only instead of a dating book she accidentally grabbed a medical journal with photos of patients with mild retardation. Which, coincidentally, might as well have been a mirror.
Jan 19 2007Lindsay Lohan is super desperate, drunk
James Franco reportedly rejected Lindsay Lohan multiple times at Prince's Golden Globes afterparty which reduced her to tears and may have been what pushed her over the edge and into rehab. A guest says:
"She came with her manager, Jason Weinberg, and a girlfriend, but she was mostly solo for the whole night," says our source. "Most people were in a good mood - except for her. She seemed lost. She was trying to get James' attention, and he wouldn't give her anything. She was smoking a lot, not drinking in front of him, and then she went into a bedroom. From there, she went back to trying to get James' attention again, and he was ignoring her. She ran out crying, with the girlfriend following her." This was about 3:30 a.m.; Lohan was reportedly found passed out in a hotel hallway about 6 a.m.
How could anybody resist Lindsay Lohan's charms? Found passed out in a hotel hallway? Jesus, I'm assuming this was after she took off her panties and playfully threw them at James Franco as he walked by and pretended to be on the phone.
A few more of Lindsay Lohan entering rehab with some Jamba Juice after the jump.
Jan 19 2007Jessica and Ashlee Simpson are matching clowns
Jessica and Ashlee Simpson were spotted leaving Koi together wearing matching red lipstick on their face. Although to stand out, Jessica thought she'd attend dinner looking like a tranny. Mission status? Accomplished.
Thanks to the oddly named Jelly for the tip.
Jan 19 2007Top 20 Richest Women in Entertainment
Forbes has compiled a confusing list of the Top 20 Richest Women in Entertainment. To put together the list they ruled out "non-working celebs who essentially live off royalties (Barbra Streisand, for example), and we also excluded 'old Hollywood" types like Elizabeth Taylor.'" So basically it's the 20 richest women in entertainment that you'd be familiar with, and not your mom. Here's their list in order from richest to poorest:
1. Oprah Winfrey
2. J.K. Rowling
3. Martha Stewart
4. Madonna
5. Celine Dion
6. Mariah Carey
7. Janet Jackson
8. Julia Roberts
9. Jennifer Lopez
10. Jennifer Aniston
11. The Olsen Twins
12. Britney Spears
13. Judge Judy
14. Sandra Bullock
15. Cameron Diaz
16. Gisele Bundchen
17. Ellen DeGeneres
18. Nicole Kidman
19. Christina Aguilera
20. Renee Zellweger
There's a lot of names on there I just don't understand. Why is Jennifer Aniston number 10? And how did Renee Zellweger make the list? This is supposed to be the Top 20 Richest Women in Entertainment, not Most Likely To Be Confused for a Homeless Person.
Jan 19 2007Isaiah Washington apologizes for hating gay people
In response to a statement issued by ABC expressing their disapproval, Isaiah Washington has issued a formal apology for calling T.R. Knight a "faggot" and then using the word "faggot" again at the Golden Globes. He says:
"I apologize to T.R., my colleagues, the fans of the show and especially the lesbian and gay community for using a word that is unacceptable in any context or circumstance. By repeating the word Monday night, I marred what should have been a perfect night for everyone who works on Grey's Anatomy. I can neither defend nor explain my behavior. I can also no longer deny to myself that there are issues I obviously need to examine within my own soul, and I've asked for help.
I know the power of words, especially those that demean. I realize that by using one filled with disrespect I have hurt more than T.R. and my colleagues. With one word, I've hurt everyone who has struggled for the respect so many of us take for granted. I welcome the chance to meet with leaders of the gay and lesbian community to apologize in person and to talk about what I can do to heal the wounds I've opened.
T.R.'s courage throughout this entire episode speaks to his tremendous character. I hold his talent, and T.R. as a person, in high esteem. I know a mere apology will not end this, and I intend to let my future actions prove my sincerity."
I didn't even know who these guys were until two days ago so I'm not gonna start pretending like I care. This is probably the last time either of them appears on the site unless one of them turns out to be Dracula or something.
Jan 18 2007Britney Spears booted again for Paris Hilton
First she was banned from appearing in the Super Bowl promo, and now Britney Spears has reportedly been kicked off the invite list to the super-fancy Vienna Opera Ball because Paris Hilton is attending and the two had a falling out. Paris is allegedly receiving $1 million for attending and was invited with the hopes of bringing some attention to the event. The guy who invited her says:
"She is a very good advertisement for the Opera Ball," Richard Lugner explained. Regarding why Spears wouldn't be there as well, Christina offered: "They unfortunately do not get along anymore."
Christ, this is about as rock bottom as Britney Spears can get. It's like trying out for the National Sumo Wrestling Team and having them pick Nicole Richie over you.
Jan 18 2007American Idol MySpace hunt
I don't watch American Idol so this means nothing to me, but this guy tracked down the MySpace page of as many contestants from the new season as he could. I use the word "contestants" loosely, since none of these clowns made it past the first round. I'd feel sorry for them, except this is pretty much what you're asking for when you try out for American Idol and you've got the vocal talent of Rain Man.
Jan 18 2007Josh Duhamel and Fergie get their sweat on
Josh Duhamel and Fergie were spotted working out in Santa Monica, bringing a shitload of equipment to what looks like a park. Although I'm not familiar with the above exercise. What is that, a monkey impersonation? Usually I just bench press my Ferrari a few times so I'm not familiar with all these new age exercises. And check out Fergie's utility belt. If Batman saw this thing he'd shit himself.
A bunch of more Josh Duhamel and Fergie working out after the jump.
Continue Reading "Josh Duhamel and Fergie get their sweat on"
Jan 18 2007Hugh Hefner might become oldest person father ever
Hugh Hefner says he's considering becoming a father again at the age of 80. He says:
"I wouldn't say that there's a plan, but there has certainly been a conversation. I think 'probability' is probably an overstatement, but 'possibility' is very real. It began as a wish, and now it's becoming, I mean, on Holly's part, it's a more serious conversation."
He also claims that his relationship with all his girlfriends is real and not contrived for TV, and that Holly is his main squeeze. He adds:
"This is the one. It's fascinating - I mean, with all the years and the romantic adventures and the marriages, etc. - to find something as special as this at this stage in my life is a miracle. I was dating Sandy, Mandy and Brande which is like bad fiction. I cut back a little. I thinned the herd." It wasn't long before Holly was his No. 1. "And the other girls recognize that. This is the one with the future. And this was not planned as a plot line - a variation on HBO's 'Big Love.' This was a unique relationship, and then the television show came along. We're just having a lot of fun with it, and life has never been better."
We've already established that Hugh Hefner is a god (be it a really old one that occasionally pees itself becaues it can't make it to the bathroom on time) but becoming a father at 80 is just gross. I've accepted he's got three girls living in his mansion, but my mind can't wrap itself around him actually having sex with any of them. The concept is so fantastic it might as well be a banjo-playing mermaid.
Jan 18 2007UPDATE: Britney Spears' new song "Fed Up"
I can't confirm if this is real, but this is allegedly one of Britney Spears' new songs called "Fed Up" from her upcoming album. I'm hoping that's just a working title, and when her album finally comes out she'll have the guts (and the brains) to title it "K-Fed Up." Get it? K-Fed? Because she used to be married to some guy called Jason Alexander. So clever!
Thanks to Amanda for the tip, who's so hot she's illegal in four states.
NOTE: That's obviously not a real music video, just a montage of images set to the new song. Although they probably could've pulled off a convincing fake if they just played some footage of a walrus rolling around on the beach.
UPDATE: A rep for Britney Spears from Jive Records has confirmed this is a fake, saying: "That is not her vocal, that is not a song on her forthcoming album." Thanks to Rezzy for the tip.
Jan 17 2007Lindsay Lohan enters rehab
Lindsay Lohan's rep has confirmed that she entered the rehab facility Wonderland Center in Los Angeles today. She said in a statement through her rep:
"I have made a proactive decision to take care of my personal health. I appreciate your well-wishes and ask that you please respect my privacy at this time."
This is the smartest decision Lindsay Lohan has ever made in her entire life. Although considering it's Lindsay, up until now that record was probably held by choosing not to toast a bagel in the bathtub. And even that was only because she couldn't get the power cord to reach.
Jan 17 2007Pamela Anderson is really bashful
Pamela Anderson showed up to the launch of the Playboy Legacy Collection trying to cover up her coochie with her purse. Which is sort of like a porn star getting embarrassed because she burped while having anal sex in front of a film crew. The only time I've ever seen Pamela Anderson cover up is because there was a blizzard outside, and even then all she put on was a shoestring.
A few more of Pamela Anderson being her shy self after the jump.
Jan 17 2007Britney Spears probably isn't pregnant
In Touch Weekly ran a pretty ridiculous story speculating that Britney Spears could be pregnant again and Britney's manager responded by saying:, "Britney is not pregnant," calling the story "absurd."
Rudolph tells Us that he believes that the "ridiculous" report came from an incident last week in which Spears' new boyfriend, Isaac Cohen, accidentally wiped peanut butter on his t-shirt while in the company of Spears. Observers wrongly concluded she had vomited, and thus was experiencing morning sickness. "Because Isaac didn't lick the peanut butter off his fingers, someone decided that it must not be peanut butter, but must instead be Britney's vomit," Rudolph joked. "Ridiculous."
That's too bad, because I've always felt that Britney Spears really needs another child to take of. The first two just don't seem like enough of a challenge for her. Sure, she probably confused the last one for a cupcake and ate it, but that's the kind of thing you do when you're a natural mother. That, and topping your salads with whipped cream and chocolate.
Jan 17 2007T.R. Knight says things on Ellen
T.R. Knight went on Ellen today and confirmed that Isaiah Washington called him a "faggot." Previous reports said that he did, but in the Golden Globes pressroom Washington denied it ever happened, and then went on to tell Access Hollywood: "There is no way I could do anything so vile, and so horrible, not only to a castmate, but to a fellow human being. It did not happen."
So there it is, Isaiah Washington is a liar and a bigot, and T.R. Knight is a, well, a gay guy. If you're like me and don't watch Grey's Anatomy then you don't even know who these guys are. But don't let that get in the way of you enjoying an awkward conversation between two gay people using the word "faggot" and praying to God nobody in the audience giggles.
Jan 17 2007Kim Kardashian sex tape is real and very very wet
A source has confirmed that the sex tape starring Paris Hilton's best friend Kim Kardashian and Ray J is real and features water sports (which is code for peeing on people). Several porn companies are negotiating the rights to the tape, and SugarDVD has offered Kim $2 million to sell it. Paris is allegedly against the deal, which is part of the reason the tape hasn't been sold yet.
I'm torn. On the one hand seeing a hot chick with giant boobs having sex is awesome. On the other hand, seeing them get peed on isn't. It's actually the opposite of awesome. If this thing ever comes out I know I'll end up seeing it, I'm just not sure if at the end I'll have a giant boner or be quietly sobbing. My penis would probably just pack up and leave because it couldn't decide how to feel. Plus it drinks a lot and has commitment issues.
More of Kim Kardashian and what she looks like not covered in pee after the jump.
Continue Reading "Kim Kardashian sex tape is real and very very wet"
Jan 17 2007Mischa Barton arrives late to the bikini party
Remember awhile back when everybody and their mom was in a bikini? Well apparently Mischa Barton didn't get the memo, because she showed up a week late in Miami with hers. She's like the fat kid in school nobody ever invited to parties and would buy Magic: The Gathering cards three years after everybody stopped playing. Seriously, it's all about the Pokemon now. What are you, lame?
A bunch of more of Mischa Barton having an inordinate amount of cellulite for a thin person after the jump. Don't know what "inordinate" means? Neither do I, but I used it anyway!
Continue Reading "Mischa Barton arrives late to the bikini party"
Jan 17 2007Kevin Federline to make fun of himself in ad
Kevin Federline is joining the ranks of MC Hammer and Fabio and will star in a Nationwide Insurance ad set to air during the Super Bowl with their slogan "Life Comes at You Fast." If it's anything like past commercials (and it will be), K-Fed will end up making fun of himself. A spokesperson says:
"The Life Comes at You Fast concept was created to remind people that they need to think about preparing for the future. No one has personified Life Comes at You Fast in the media better than Kevin Federline. Our partnership with Kevin shows the world that he has a great sense of humor. He's poking fun at himself, and in the process gets to have the last word."
All they really need to do is show a picture of Kevin Federline and then flash on the screen: "Buy our insurance or you'll end up like this guy." It's like those anti-smoking commercials, only more effective because people would way rather have lung cancer than end up like K-Fed.
Jan 17 2007Justin Timberlake fights with Cameron Diaz, gets angry
Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake got into a fight at Prince's Golden Globes afterparty when Cameron saw Justin talking to Jessical Biel. Cameron reportedly followed Justin to the rooftop of the Beverly Wilshire hotel for the party where she saw him flirting with Biel and "blew up" at her.
Diaz walked away, Timberlake followed, and the two were soon spotted engaged in an intense 40-minute face-off in a side room. Diaz reemerged looking composed, but not before Timberlake held his head in his hands and, says a witness, "slammed his fist (down) into a cabinet."
If I was Cameron Diaz I'd be threatened by Jessica Biel too. Not only is Jessica a real live woman and not some mouth experiment gone wrong, but in a real fight Jessica would just tear her in half. The only way Cameron would win is if she had a gun. And by gun I mean bazooka. And by bazooka I mean Jessica Biel showed up to the fight already dead.
Jan 16 2007Lindsay Lohan and Joe Francis get it on, of course
It was just a matter of time, but 20-year-old Lindsay Lohan is reportedly dating 33-year-old Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis. Friends of Lindsay say Francis was with her when she got her appendix removed two weeks ago and that the two are serious enough that they planned to go on a mini-vacation over the weekend at Francis' Mexican estate but cancelled because "neither of them could resist the lure of the Golden Globe parties."
I know it's tough to exercise good judgement when you were born with a stuffed animal for a brain, but even Lindsay Lohan has to see that this is a bad idea. The only worse possible person she could be dating would be her dad. And even then it'd be iffy.
A couple more shots of Lindsay Lohan with a sexual predator Joe Francis after the jump.
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan and Joe Francis get it on, of course"
Jan 16 2007Britney Spears banned from Super Bowl promo
The Super Bowl is trying to get together celebrities for an all-star NFL Network promo to air during the game, but a source says Britney Spears' people "were turned down flat out when they asked about participating."
"She's too much of a train wreck," says the insider. "Besides, we already have Paris Hilton. Janet Reno and David Beckham are also on the wish list," says the source. "Larry David said he might do it. Also, we're trying to get Predator, from the movie."
Are they actually proud that they've got Paris Hilton in their promo? It's like bragging that you've got Tara Reid on your chess team. And what the hell kind of promo is this? Paris Hilton, Janet Reno, and the damn Predator? Apparently they've confused football with The Super Hilarious Almost-Celebrity Fun Hour.
A couple more of Britney Spears in Vegas wearing a shower curtain as a dress after the jump.
Continue Reading "Britney Spears banned from Super Bowl promo"
Jan 16 2007Naomi Campbell pleads guilty
Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault today for hitting her maid with a cell phone over a pair of missing jeans. She's been sentenced to pay $363 in medical expenses, do five days of community service, and attend a two-day anger management program. In court she said:
"I threw a cell phone in the apartment. The cell phone hit Ana. This was an accident because I did not intend to hit her."
Afterwards, she issued a statement saying:
"I pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor in court today. That's the best way I know to say I'm sorry to Ana. I accepted responsibility and I'm prepared to take my punishment. But I'm not going to let this incident define me. The past is the past. My future holds great things and I'm getting on with my life."
Is Naomi Campbell defined by anything except explosive violence? I think she used to model or something, but now she spends her time being banned from UFC matches for excessive brutality. She's like a science experiment where they implanted a baby fetus with the DNA of a wolverine/bear/The Incredible Hulk.
Jan 16 2007Christina Aguilera is an Oompa Loompa
I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure your skin should never be bright orange. Ever. It looks like the photo has been doctored, but look at how pale her husband Jordan Bratman is. If anything it's been color corrected the opposite way. Which means in real life Christina Aguilera's skin is probably glowing. And not like pregnant woman glowing. More like radioactive I swallowed some uranium on accident glowing.
A couple more of Christina Aguilera leaving The Ivy looking like Victoria Beckham after the jump.
Jan 16 2007Kate Winslet at the Golden Globes
I've always wondered where my fear of clowns came from, and now I suspect it's from Kate Winslet sneaking into my bedroom at night as a little kid. Either that, or the fact that a clown murdered and ate my parents in front of me at the circus. I guess we'll never really know for sure.
A few more of Kate Winslet looking relatively less frightening after the jump.
NOTE: Click the picture for the full effect. If you dare.
Jan 16 2007Tina Fey at the Golden Globes
Does anybody know how Tina Fey got her scar? I'd Google it myself, but my mouse hand hasn't been working so great ever since I punched that tiger in the face. Nobody looks at my woman that way without getting a fistful of fury. Not even Mother Nature.
Jan 16 2007Teri Hatcher at the Golden Globes
If I had to guess how old Teri Hatcher is I'd go with about 73. I don't know how much Botox she's put into herself but it's not enough. And I'm not suggesting she should get breast surgery, but she should really definitely get breast surgery. And hand surgery. Really they should just transplant her head onto somebody else's body. And then maybe switch out the head too. So basicaly she'd look great if she was just a completely different person.
One more of Teri looking slightly better after the jump.
Jan 15 2007I Watch Stuff! live blogs The Golden Globes
I Watch Stuff! is live blogging the Golden Globes. Actually a better description would be that they're live blogging the Golden Globes, but they live in the future so they're already done. If you're on the west coast and want to convince your friends you have a time machine then check it out. If you're on the east coast and want to relive those wonderful Golden Globey memories then check it out too. Basically just check it out.
Jan 15 2007Britney Spears buys the love of men
Britney Spears and her new man-toy Isaac Cohen reportedly stayed at the Fantasy Tower suite at The Palms in Las Vegas over the weekend, where they had the tower's $40,000-a-night two-story Hugh Hefner Sky Villa. And because it's funny, here's a picture of Britney Spears trying to eat her son at the park.
A ton more of Britney at the park after the jump, including shots of her taking a lesson from Tara Reid's guide to great hair.
Jan 15 2007Pete Doherty steals cars, goes free
Just days after trying to smash a guitar over a photographer's face, Pete Doherty was arrested and released over the weekend after being spotted in a car that was reported stolen. The arrest came when he fled from police just hours after telling fans at a gig, "I'm never getting married. I don't believe in it. Kate and I are in love - I worship her - but we're not going down the aisle. I'm happy the way it is."
Pete Doherty is like the damn Hamburgler. For some reason because he has an oblong head nobody seems to care when he steals cars or tries to murder people with his guitar. Instead he gets a slap on the wrist, everybody has a good chuckle, and then he's set free to pull off his next mini caper. I'm always surprised to see pictures of him as a real person, because I always think he'll photograph as a 2D cartoon character.
Jan 15 2007Steven Tyler is the missing link
I've never understood how Liv Tyler came from Steven Tyler, but now looking at these pictures of him on the beach I can't even understand how he manages to stand upright. Or speak. Or is able to grasp the concept of the wheel. He looks like he should be clubbing a pterodactyl to death in these pictures. At first it'd be like, "Hey, I didn't know they had cameras during the Cretaceous period." But then you'd shrug it off, because how else would they have gotten a shot of a homo erectus in his natural habitat.
A ton more of Steven Tyler showing off his negative ass and looking all around disgusting after the jump.
Jan 15 2007Lindsay Lohan still buying transparent clothes
Lindsay Lohan went braless in a see-through dress to an intimate dinner hosted by Chanel and Sienna Miller. I'm pretty sure her original plan was to go in Glad Cling Wrap, but she switched outfits after finding out it was supposed to be classy. And if Miss Manners has taught me anything, it's that the only thing more classy than see through nipples is an English butler in a tuxedo driving a limousine. And even then he better be wearing a monocle and a top hat.
