Dec 30 2006Holy mother of Jebus
If you haven't noticed, the site has been down for the past 12 hours or so. One of the hard drives in our server failed and we lost all the data. Technicians have been working to get the failed drive replaced, but all the archives and forum archives were lost. The good news is we've got backups. The bad news is they're from three months ago.
I'm going to spend my weekend trying to get as much of the site put back up as possible, but all comments since September have been lost. It's up to you guys to remember exactly what you said and the order you said it in and recreate the comments section. Same goes for the forum. If you registered after September you're going to have to re-register. I'm really sorry about all this, guys. If it makes you feel any better the past 12 hours feels like we've been anally raped by a kodiak bear.
Dec 28 2006Paris Hilton showers for Australia
Paris Hilton arrived in Sydney, Australia yesterday where she's set to host a New Year's party and help judge a contest to find a new spokeswoman for the Australian beer Bondi Blonde. Upon arriving she hit up Bondi Beach (which the beer is named after) and did her usual thing. Which means taking something normal like showering at the beach and making it as super pornographic as possible. Paris's best friend Kim Kardashian tagged along - because you can do shit like that when you don't have a job - and apparently the two of them decided to compete for the title of Shiniest Purse Ever. Which is neat, because I've been saying for years that they should start making purses out of mirrors. That or human skin. You know, whichever is easier for the underage children to stitch together.
A ton more of Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian at Bondi Beach after the jump.
Dec 28 2006Tara Reid is A-OK
If my stomach looked like Tara Reid's I don't think I'd be doing the A-OK sign. I'd probably be giving two thumbs down. Or clutching my belly. Or crying. But A-OK? No, that's not appropriate at all. It's like yelling "hip, hip, hooray" at a funeral.
More shots of Tara Reid in her bikini at St. Barts after the jump. But why do that to yourself? Aren't there some burn victims you'd rather be masturbating to?
Dec 28 2006Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump still acting like children
Every time I visit Rosie O'Donnell's site I want to drive a screwdriver through my her head. Donald Trump recently called in an interview on Larry King (above and after the jump) and in response Rosie writes on her blog:
so what happens
when u say the emperor has no clothes
the comb over goes ballistic
via phone to mr king
choices
every minute
every day
everyonei imagine it is interesting
as celeb feuds tend 2 b
so here r my thoughtsdidnt watch
didnt u tube
restricti have no time 2 make art now
i am only off friday
which is never enuf
to detoxthe pipes get full
bits of sludge
clog the flowso tiny books
now
express in torn images
my insidei was raised reading ms magazine
i remember the burning of bras
as women demanded equality
in unisonbeauty pageants
where women were paraded around
judged valuable or not
by old white menit is always old white men
they added a talent portion
and gave away college degrees
they evolved - beauty pageants
and eventually - nearly faded away
for goodremember the seventies
a young girl in nyc
meets a pimp
he cons her into a life of illusion
she works for himno fun - no fucking - no future
she is owned
when she sneaks out -
to party the night away
he freakshe roughs her up a bit
shames her in front of the others
teaches her to behave
for his own benefitand just when we lost all hope
cagney and lacey showed up
they cuff the pimp
they free the girlmarybeth and christine
would never
be friends with a pimpthis is reality tv
like it or not
same same same
as vivi says
Only six year olds should be allowed to write like this. Or people in wheelchairs. And I'm not sure what she means by "i have no time 2 make art now." Judging by her "poetry" the only art she's capable of making is finger paintings. And maybe that turkey where you trace your hand and draw little eyes and a feet on it.
Dec 28 2006Lindsay Lohan apologizes to strippers
Lindsay Lohan spent three hours at Scores West yesterday, pole dancing with the strippers and even gathering them into the bathroom to apologize for recently calling them all "whores."
"I love strippers," the 20-year-old actress gushed as she entered the famed mammary mecca at 12:30 a.m., and launched into a half-hour deejay shift during the club's "Turntable Tuesdays." Next, "She got up on the stripper pole and began to dance with the Scores Girls with 400 customers cheering her on," said our source. "Then, she joined her entourage of 15 in the VIP area, and got lap dances from many of the girls, including a special double-dance from two strippers at once. "It was hot. But while everybody was drinking, Lindsay was not. It was strictly Perrier for her."
How could anybody believe that Linday Lohan actually thinks strippers are whores? It'd be like Hitler thinking telemarketers are douchebags. I mean, yeah, sure, they're kind of douchebaggy. But compared to Hitler they might as well be Jesus.
Dec 27 2006Britney Spears breaks up with Paris Hilton, Paris calls her names
Britney Spears allegedly broke off her friendship with Paris Hilton by calling her up and telling Paris she didn't want to be seen in public with her anymore. A source says:
"Britney called Paris and said she had decided not to be seen in public with her 'for now.' Britney told Paris that it's not personal"
And in retaliation Paris didn't invite Britney to her December 18 Christmas party and now refers to her as "Animal" because, according to the source, "Britney doesn't think about things before she does them. She just acts out." Unlike Paris, who's the model of sensibility. Can you imagine the amount of thought she put into deciding to rub her vagina up against her sister's? Those are the actions of a thinker. I'm tempted to call her the Socrates of our time, but I don't think it would sufficiently capture the magnitude of her brain. Maybe Super Socrates.
Dec 27 2006Tara Reid stays classy for Christmas
Tara Reid spent her Christmas weekend giving people in St. Barts nightmares. I'm pretty sure there are laws against wearing a bikini when your body looks like it's filled with mashed potatoes. If not there should be. And maybe also some against poor people.
One more of Tara Reid wearing a Santa hat after the jump.
Dec 27 2006Nicole Richie still eating
You know you've failed as a human being when your biggest claim to fame is being spotted eating. I'm honestly confused as to why Nicole Richie is famous. It's like finding a random bag of garbage and deciding to worship it as your God. Only more ridiculous, because at least bags of garbage are interesting. Sometimes you find used condoms, and those things make great impromptu hats.
More of Nicole Richie eating in Laguna Beach after the jump.
NOTE: I have no idea why her tongue is sticking out like that. Maybe with a few more years of practice she'll finally get this "eating" thing down.
Dec 27 2006Courteney Cox breaks the law
Courteney Cox was given a ticket in Beverly Hills yesterday on her way to meet her husband David Arquette. You'd think she'd be able to flirt her way out of something like that because she's a big star, but apparently the law finds her as annoying as the rest of us do. Remember that time her nasally voice killed a bunch of panda bears? I remember. What a bitch.
Dec 26 2006Mariah Carey really knows how to dress herself
I don't consider myself a fashion expert, but has there ever been a time in human history (besides the moon landing) where space boots were appropriate? And what the heck is Mariah Carey wearing over her head? It looks like she made herself a jacket by gluing sleeves onto a blanket.
More of Mariah Carey looking like she was dressed by a blind child after the jump.
Continue Reading "Mariah Carey really knows how to dress herself"
Dec 26 2006Michael Jackson returns, possibly with a vengeance
Michael Jackson arrived in Las Vegas over the weekend, the day after his dad vowed his son would never return to the United States. Michael has been living part-time in a castle in Ireland with his three kids, and has returned to Vegas where he plans on relaunching his career with a big comeback. Vegas dealmaker Jack Wishna says:
"We are working on several projects. One of the greatest entertainers in the world is poised to return to the top of the entertainment world soon."
I'm not sure if "top of the entertainment world" is the proper phrase here. Biggest circus tent maybe. Or local children's hospital. I'd even accept the imaginary world of Neverland. But "top of the entertainment world" seems a little ambitious for a guy I can't look at without peeing my pants a little.
