Dec 8 2006Britney Spears might be hooked on drugs
In Touch Weekly is claiming that Britney Spears has turn to medication to help with her split from Kevin Federline and has been spotted carrying several types of anti-depressants in her purse.
On November 27 Britney dined at Dan Tana's restaurant in West Hollywood - where she was also spotted carrying a glass of red wine out to her car before taking the wheel - and during a visit to the powder room a fellow diner caught a glimpse inside her handbag. The source told In Touch Weekly magazine: "It looked like a pharmacy in there - I have never seen so many pills. There was a bottle of Paxil, an antidepressant, and a bottle of Xanax, which treats anxiety, that she took out and put on the counter." The directions for both these drugs state they should not be mixed with alcohol.
Wow, like a pharmacy, huh? That sure is a lot of pills. And I bet they're not even exaggerating. Because if I know In Touch (and I'm pretty sure I do) they're the most accurate reporters of truth since Abraham Lincoln. The only reason their writers don't have more Pulitzers is because they've all been disqualified for being too honest.
Dec 8 2006Paris Hilton is engaged. Maybe.
Paris Hilton arrived at Stacey Bendet's "Black & White" dinner in L.A. Monday wearing a diamond ring on her left hand suggesting she might be engaged to Stavros Niarchos.
She strolled in with her on-again, off-again Greek - and a ring that looked suspiciously like the fake "diamond" solitaire she once claimed former fiance Paris Latsis gave her. (Latsis actually gave her a smaller ring from Cartier.) Either way, Hilton wasn't being very open about it. The celebutard acted coy when dinner guests asked about Niarchos and the ring.
Well that's definitely a ring and it's definitely on her engagement finger, but what does it all mean? Paris Hilton? Settling down? Next you'll tell me my abs haven't been scientifically verified as being harder than diamond. It's so preposterous it makes me laugh. I laugh at you.
More of Paris Hilton and another shot of her ring after the jump.
Dec 8 2006Mischa Barton forgets to zip up her fly
Mischa Barton was spotted in New York City with her fly down. Which I'm sure was a clever move designed to draw eyes away from her top. And it might've worked too, had that not been the loudest most obnoxious top ever conceived by man. A breakdancing hippo couldn't pull your eyes off that thing. It could, however, win over your heart.
More of Mischa and her undone fly after the jump.
Dec 8 2006Beyonce and Jay-Z maybe not getting married
A rep for Beyonce is denying reports she's turning a Caribbean birthday party for Jay-Z into a wedding with him. A spokeswoman for Jay-Z backed the statement saying she had no knowledge of any approaching nuptials. Which is good news because if Jay-Z and Beyonce got married it'd be a travesty against nature. You don't see unicorns marrying opossums. Sure, maybe it's because one is a mythological creature. But maybe it's because deep down they know in their hearts their love can never be.
Dec 8 2006Tori Spelling selling all her crap
If you're in LA this weekend swing by Tori Spelling's yard sale and buy up all her useless junk. The official listing describes it as:
Tori invites you into her house to shop her dazzling valley home, jewelry & closets contents sale. This represents much of her last 15 years of buying & collecting. Included are antique & vintage items from the 19th, 20th, & 21st centuries! French, Italian, Continental, American white wicker, shabby chic, and traditional furniture, crystal chandeliers & sconces, pictures & paintings, lamps, vanity, Tori's personal jewelry, bric-a-brac, memorabilia, garden & patio, designer & casual clothes, shoes, accessories, photos, etc.
Although a more accurate description might be: "Buy Tori's crap so she can eat!" See, I even used an exclamation mark. To show the excitement. That she might get to eat. And sentence fragments? Me. The king of.
Dec 8 2006Wesley Snipes gets arrested
Wesley Snipes was arrested today on charges of tax fraud, allegedly making $12 million in false refund claims and failed to file tax returns from 1999 through 2004. Which is incredibly boring. This is Wesley Snipes, man. If movies have taught me anything it's that he should be going to prison for the murder of thousands of vampires. And also that we're living in something called the Matrix. You wouldn't understand, it's science.
Dec 7 2006Lindsay Lohan has best manners ever
The always classy Lindsay Lohan allegedly spit an hors d'oeuvres back onto the tray because she didn't like it. She was at a Hollywood industry party and grabbed an hors d'oeuvres from a passing waiter but after tasting it yelled, "This tastes like shit" and spit it back onto the tray.
As eyes rolled, Ms. Train Wreck snagged a napkin and daintily patted her pie-hole as the horrified waiter tossed his napkin over her disgusting spit-out, stalked straight to the kitchen and dumped the contaminated tray!
At this point they can pretty much make up whatever story they want about Lindsay Lohan and it'll sound okay. She lit a homeless man on fire to see if they were flammable? Sure, why not. She spent half an hour talking into her juicebox thinking it was a phone? Yeah, that's our Lindsay. If they ever make a documentary about her they could splice in footage from The Three Stooges and nobody would tell the difference.
Dec 7 2006Shakira doesn't know how to hold a mic
It gets boring when you're singing on stage by yourself. I get it. But do a little dance or something, don't just come up with new ways to hold the mic. That's not entertainment, that's just weird. How do you even get into that position? "Aah, I think I'll sing like this now. It just feels natural."
Thanks to the amazing Shanna for the tip.
Dec 7 2006Beyonce's head is, uh, falling apart
I don't know where or when this was taken, but that's not how a human head should look. Ever. I'm assuming the wrinkling skin has to do with Beyonce's wig or something, but it looks like she just had a lobotomy and the stitches are giving way. While posting this I've subconciously felt my own forehead like six times just to make sure I haven't contracted a rare form of head-burrowing tape worm. I've also masturbated twice. Multi-tasking, baby.
Thanks to Alex for the tip, and for showing me just how normal my head really is.
Dec 7 2006Jennifer Lopez joins the nutsos
Jennifer Lopez is so desperate to have a child she's turning to Scientology. She's reportedly using their "cleansing process" as recommended to her by her friend Leah Remini, also a devoted Scientologist.
"When a Scientologist says 'purified' or 'cleansed,' what they're talking about is the purification rundown," says Rick Ross of Cultnews.com, "which usually involves large doses of niacin, ingesting cooking oil and a regimen of saunas which some say could cause liver damage. So not only is it unlikely to produce the results that J. Lo is hoping for, but it may hurt her."
Wow really? A baby? With this guy? If they're really that desperate they should just dig up some graveyards. Because whatever comes out of that womb is gonna end up half-zombie anyway.
Dec 7 2006Lindsay Lohan's complete letter of insanity
Lindsay Lohan's entire crazy email has been leaked and it makes even less sense than you thought it would.
Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she's done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.
But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I'd really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I'm willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to 'these people' trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I've gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I've lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn't hurt to ask. So let's start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I'm doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.
Dec 7 2006Lindsay Lohan tries writing again, fails
Lindsay Lohan wrote a rambling email last week to her friends and lawyers saying that former Vice President Al Gore would help her battle against the media. She writes (and I use that term in the loosest possible sense):
"Al Gore will help me. He came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me," Lohan wrote last week in a rambling, semi-literate e-mail to her friends and lawyers.In the bizarre message read by Page Six, Lohan burbled, "If he is willing to help me, let's find out. Hilary [sic] Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan Metroplis [sic], and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK."
Lohan was apparently inspired to send out the e-mail by a Page Six item on her "mean girls diva fit" at a GQ magazine party in L.A. Referring to a supermarket tabloid report claiming she had overdosed on drugs, she wrote, "Let's sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character."
Invoking what she puzzlingly calls the "way of the future-Howard Hughes," her desire is to "release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite [sic] letter to the press."
Lohan says she wants to state her opinions on "how our society should be educated for the better of our country. Our people . . . because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see."
Lohan then mentions taking a mystery person she refers to as "LR" to court for "what she's done to me.
"It's my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all. But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my opinion. I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be."
Lohan said she wanted to "hold a press conference" and "will do anything necessary to do so." She said she is at "such a young and tender age in a woman's life. It's enough already, I've had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change."
You know you're in for a treat whenever Lindsay Lohan tries her hand at writing. I'm beginning to think she really is dyslexic. And she clearly has no idea what the word "adequate" means. She uses it in like every letter and it's always spelled wrong and in confusing context. I mean, she wants to release a "politically/morally correct fully adequite letter" to the press? I dunno man, most people usually aim a little higher than barely satisfactory.
Dec 7 2006Britney Spears talks about her behavior
Britney Spears has a little diddy on her official site talking about her recent behavior and even poking fun at all those shots of her bojangle. She writes:
It's been so long since I've been out on the town with friends. It's also been 2 years since I've even celebrated my birthday. Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my new found freedom a little too far. Anyway, thank God for Victoria's Secrets' new underwear line! I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me.
I'm just getting started ... Happy Holidays everyone!
Britney
Yeah, after being married to Kevin Federline for two years I can see how the taste of freedom might make you a little bit nuts. When they finally released me from prison for killing three men with my bare hands trying to defend a family of orphans it's not like I went straight to the TV and gym. And sure, maybe banging the entire line of Victoria's Secret models was a bit excessive, but it has to be illegal to keep this much man to myself.
Dec 6 2006Britney Spears needs an intervention
A source close to Britney Spears says the Los Angeles Department of Children & Family Services has been contacting her because they're concerned about the well being of her kids after her recent string of "bizarre" public behavior. The source says:
"The department has been calling Britney trying to set up a meeting with her, so they can check on [Spears' baby sons Sean Preston and Jaden James]. The calls started after this recent bout of bizarre public behavior."
But they are not the only ones worried about Spears. Her family is aghast at her all-night partying with Hilton and Davis and were mortified when, on four separate occasions, Spears was shot by paparazzi not wearing any underwear. The family source said her mother, Lynne, "is very disturbed and has been trying to get a hold of Britney, but she can't. Lynne, Britney's brother, Brian, and her dad, Jamie, are very upset and are trying to stage an intervention with [Spears' manager] Larry Rudolph's help."
Three different times, Britney has checked into L.A. hotels like the Viceroy with Hilton, rather than go home to her sons, who are presumably being watched by her mother.
What normal person would be this happy leaving a liquor store empty handed wearing a lei? I mean, what? Shouldn't she be riding a giraffe and playing a trumpet that shoots out rainbows? If nobody steps in and saves her kids Britney's gonna end up shipping them off to Neverland on a boat she crafted out of toilet paper.
Dec 6 2006Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn really break up this time
Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have officially broken up after more than a year together. Reps for the couple tell People:
"After Jennifer's trip to London several weeks ago, Jennifer and Vince mutually agreed to end their relationship but continue to be good friends today."
I can't even pretend to care about this, so instead I'm putting up a random picture from like two years ago of Jennifer leaning in to kiss another woman. Did she break up with Vince Vaughn because she's a lesbian? Pictures don't lie, my friends. And I didn't get this Pulitzer Prize by making stuff up.*
* No, I had to hide in an alley and beat somebody up to get this bad boy.
Dec 6 2006Lindsay Lohan is still a loser
Lindsay Lohan has reportedly been wearing two watches because she bought one for James Franco - who she's been trying to date since the summer - but he refused to wear it.
"Lindsay bought James this expensive watch but he refused to wear it," a source told The Star. "And she ended up wearing it on her wrist with her own watch, like a tribute to her unrequited desire."
I don't actually remember ever seeing Lindsay with two watches on but I'll assume it's true because it sounds just pathetic enough for her to do. The insufferable bitch dressed up as some sort of Eskimo princess to Britney Spears' birthday party so wearing a rejected watch sounds just about right.
Dec 6 2006Paris Hilton is ready for kids
After spending all that time with Britney Spears and her two kids, Paris Hilton says she's ready to start having children of her own. She tells Life & Style Weekly:
"It's been my dream to have four babies by 30. I look after animals, so I'd have a lot to give my kids." In fact, looking after kiddies has become so appealing to Hilton that she recently cut short a night out with Spears, announcing to friends, "We're going home to the babies. We miss them."
Are there laws against this? There have to be laws against this. She "looks after animals" the way a three year old looks after animals. Being a serial baby rapist makes you more qualified to raise children than this clown.
Dec 5 2006Gwen Stefani's hair boggles the mind
When you look as good as Gwen Stefani you can take a lot of liberty with your style, but this hair is pushing the boundaries of human comprehension. Sure it looks better than this, but so does a jar of mayonnaise that's been left out for a week. What kind of look is she going for here? Glamorous? Edgy? Unicorn? All I wanna do is put my finger in there and see if I can touch the fabric of space and time.
A few more of Gwen's hair from the Billboard Music Awards 2006 after the jump.
Dec 5 2006Beyonce and Jay-Z maybe getting married
Sources are saying that the four-day "surprise" birthday party Beyonce is throwing for Jay-Z next weekend will actually be a wedding.
"Beyonce is throwing Jay a four-day birthday party, but it's really a wedding," said one source. Guests, including family and close friends, were told to have passport applications filed by last Friday so they can attend the bash on a yacht in St. Barts. But insiders said the guests will also be ferried over to Anguilla for the wedding at Cap Juluca, a five-star resort with Moorish villas. Another spy said Knowles and Jay-Z had toured the site earlier this year and approved it for their nuptials.
Jay-Z is cool and all, but he's not somebody you marry. Mostly because you have sex with people you marry and his face looks like it was made while God was drunk. Like God was stumbling around the office going, "Well he's got two eyes. And a nose. And a mouth. Ahh, that's good enough." And then God passed out on the sofa and nine months later out popped Jay-Z.
Dec 5 2006Andy Dick hops on the bandwagon
Andy Dick pulled a Kramer over the weekend when he hopped onstage at L.A.'s Improv comedy club and started dropping n-bombs. He was heckling comedian Ian Bagg when he allegedly got out of his seat, jumped onstage, and began joking with Bagg. As he was exiting the stage he suddenly grabbed the mic and shouted at the crowd, "You're all a bunch of niggers!"
The stunned crowd gasped and stared at each other. Bagg tried to play it cool and move on with his set, but the laughs weren't there.
Sadly this is still the least embarrassing thing Andy Dick has done in his entire life. The guy can't go three months without groping Pamela Anderson's breasts or licking somebody's face or getting beat up. They should teach a course on how not to live your life and the entire lesson would be watching a documentary on Andy Dick.
Dec 5 2006Jessica Simpson freaks out on stage
Jessica Simpson frozeup at the Kennedy Center Honors Sunday night while singing "9 to 5" as part of a tribute to honoree Dolly Parton. During the song she flubbed some lines then uttered, "So nervous," before rushing off stage to no applause. She also appeared to be in tears when she and the other singers retruned to the stage at the end.
I know what you're thinking. A Simpson sister screwing up during a live performance? The thought is so ridiculous it's almost unbelievable. I might as well have told you dragons were invading Florida or Santa got into a fist fight with the Grinch.
Dec 5 2006Fergie can't quite sing
Did everybody watch the Billboard Music Awards 2006 last night? Yeah, me neither, but apparently this is what we all missed. It starts off okay, but slowly degrades into a drunken slur. I mean there's bad rap, and then there's bad rap, and then there's whatever it is Fergie is trying to pull off here.
Thanks to Denna for the tip, and for looking great in a short skirt.
Dec 5 2006Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody break up
Life & Style is reporting that Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody have broken up after two years of dating. A friend close to the couple says:
"They've been done for a few weeks. They are just done. That's all there is to it. There's no drama. They just ended it." That may explain why Adam showed up solo to a party on Nov. 28 for the U.S. premiere of Volkswagen's concept car Tiguan in LA. "He was definitely acting like a single guy," an eyewitness tells Life & Style.
I can see how dating the most adorable girl on the planet might be tough. I dated a baby panda once and it was just a nightmare. I mean the sex was alright, but the points and stares just got to be too much. Plus she was always eating bamboo and clawing at my face. What's up with that?
Dec 4 2006Britney Spears turns 25
Britney Spears spent her 25th birthday at Mr. Chow's over the weekend doing whatever the hell it is she's doing here. And sure, why not, that's usually how I eat dinner too. Only with more jazz hands.
Dec 4 2006Gwyneth Paltrow can't get her foot out of her mouth
Gwyneth Paltrow was quoted by the Portuguese newspaper Diario de Noticias on Saturday as saying:
"I love the English lifestyle, it's not as capitalistic as America. People don't talk about work and money, they talk about interesting things at dinner. I like living here because I don't fit into the bad side of American psychology. The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans."
Now she's backpedaling like a madman, claiming she was misquoted and telling People magazine:
"First of all I feel so lucky to be American. When you look at the rest of the world, we're so lucky, and that's something my dad always instilled in me. I feel so proud to be American. I felt so upset to be completely misconstrued and I never, ever would have said that. I definitely did not say that I think the British are more intelligent and civilized than Americans. I am a New York girl, that's how I always think of myself and see myself. I live in England half the time because I'm married to an English guy. It's not like I've left America. This is what I said. I said that Europe is a much older culture and there's a difference. I always say in America, people live to work and in Europe, people work to live. There are positives in both. Obviously I need to go back to seventh-grade Spanish!"
Oh how cute, it was all just a misunderstanding. Too bad this isn't the first time she's said "Fuck you" to America. I'm not a legal expert but I'm pretty sure shooting Gwyneth Paltrow in the face is one of your Constitutional rights as an American. Right up there with having bear arms or something. You know, the furry clawy kind.
Dec 4 2006Keith Urban set free, Nicole Kidman not pregnant
Keith Urban is finally out of rehab after checking into the Betty Ford Center on October 19, though his rep says he's "still undergoing treatment." And despite previous reports, Page Six says he and Nicole Kidman are not yet pregnant despite efforts to conceive.
The biggest proof Kidman is trying to conceive is her latest haircut: She just got bangs to hide her forehead. As a Hollywood insider said, "If Nicole is pregnant or trying to get pregnant, she will have to stop all Botox treatments like Courtney Cox Arquette did when she was pregnant. It would show most on her forehead."
Jesus, if the biggest proof you've got is a haircut why even bother? Just move the story into the "to be completed" pile and finish it later when you've got an actual source. They might as well have based the story on a fuzzy photo of Bigfoot.
NOTE: I wonder if Nicole Kidman is ever bothered by the fact that she married a leprechaun.
Dec 4 2006Lindsay Lohan is an alcoholic, makes an ass out of herself
This is old news by now but a rep for Lindsay Lohan has confirmed that she's been attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Which means pretty soon we won't have stories like this anymore, where she makes an ass out of herself at the GQ Men of the Year dinner after flipping out when she sees Jessica Biel and her assistant.
According to a witness, Lohan started screaming, "If she stays, I'm outta here! I can't look at that girl! I can't believe you would allow an assistant in here - she doesn't belong in here!"
"It was really uncalled for," said our spy. "Jessica and everyone else ignored her."
Lohan was shunned at the glittering affair by other celebs who are tired of her bratty antics and bad work ethic. Overhearing her tirade about Biel's assistant, Will Ferrell turned to DiCaprio, Gore and Affleck and said, "Who cares about that freak anymore, anyway?" - setting off laughter. Later, Lohan, with a champagne glass in her hand, tried flirting with Leo, to no avail.
If all this wasn't sad enough, now Lindsay is picking up Paris Hilton's leftover friends, including Kim Kardashian, the ex-best friend that Paris ditched for Britney Spears. The only way her life could get any more depressing is if she was standing outside in the rain staring at a party she wasn't invited to with violin music playing in the background.
More of Lindsay fishing for attention with Kim Kardashian after the jump.
Continue Reading "Lindsay Lohan is an alcoholic, makes an ass out of herself"
Dec 4 2006Paris Hilton backs out of Billboard Music Awards
Paris Hilton and Britney Spears were set to cohost the Billboard Music Awards, which airs live tonight from Las Vegas, but Britney dropped out. Then Paris was going to host herself until this past weekend when she quit too because she wasn't happy with the jokes written for her.
"It is my understanding that some satirical references ridiculed some of her peers," her spokesman, Elliot Mintz, said in a statement. "Paris did not want to say anything that could appear hurtful or embarassing about people she knows." Mintz said Hilton received a script Friday that contained material she found "objectionable." Representatives for Hilton and the awards show could not come to an agreement about the script's content so she decided to scrap the appearance, he said.
Paris Hilton could keep herself entertained with a funny picture of a dog for a week so you've got serious problems if she doesn't think your jokes are good enough. If they were serious about keeping her they should've added a "Jessica Simpson is fat" after every line. Then she would've done the whole thing for free and praised it as the greatest writing since the invention of language.
And just cause here are some pictures from last week of Paris Hilton looking confused as hell at Kinko's.
Dec 4 2006Paris Hilton teaches Britney Spears to strip
I'm not even gonna try to catch up on the past four days so we'll just pretend nothing happened and start fresh. According to the London Star Paris Hilton has been giving Britney Spears private striptease lessons, and the two have been practicing on a stripper pole in Paris's Hollywood house.
"Paris took Britney upstairs where she fitted her in a blue tutu, and then Paris put on a matching tutu," a source told the London Star. "They then went downstairs and danced at Paris' in-house stripper pole. Britney loves her new moves and can't wait to get a fella and test them out." Meanwhile, Hilton has been spotted stroking Spears' thigh, leading some to believe that they were planning a same-sex gesture at the Billboard Music Awards, but the two have since pulled out of hosting duties.
I'm trying to picture these two attempting to striptease in matching tutus but the only thing I can come up with is a clown porno set to circus music.
