Nov 10 2006Kevin Federline has demands

FIRST

http://www.famousidiots.blogspot.com

rofl what a moron..second

Good thing his rider specifies that food be provided. It's not like he could otherwise afford to feed himself.

http://glossedover.com

$50 say's all that stuff is on there because he's too poor or lazy, or both, to go grocery shopping.

Mmmm, Jack Daniel's and Doritos.

All these hospitality riders that Smoking Gun unearths are so offensive.

Awww, candles and turkey.

http://surpasshosting.com

Perhaps he should request some fans too. It's the only way he's going to get them.

number 4, correct. I big 100 dollars on that =)

ps: did you know the average 20 year old living alone has only 20 dollars to go grocery shopping each week? Isn't THAT news and a kick right in the kaniegie?

As a venue owner my response or counter-offer to these demands would be: How 'bout you exit my establishment before I have several muscular strangers rape you before I kill you with my bare hands....Yo.

Typical celebrity

http://new-celebrity-gossip.blogspot.com/

Oh what a class act, Beer?? WTF

and two packs Marlboros and one fucking ashtray?

The only request Kevin Federline should be making is is last meal, cause someone needs to kill this motherfucker.

I was surprised to see that he did not list talent as something he needed, for we all know he does not take it with him.

http://www.holisticwisdom.com

Oh, and my favorite item is the "four clean towels". HA! What's he gonna go, whack off before the show? Too bad Brit can't help him out in that department anymore. Boo hoo.

Who in the WORLD even agreed to allow him "demands" in the first place? Who exactly said, "These are pretty tough demands, but they're worth it, cuz we REALLY WANT KEVIN FEDERLINE!"?

Oh, what now trying to be a bit un-hoosier to ask for an ashtray? He knows he puts it out on his plate after he's done eating, the fucking puke!

What a fool.

http://www.veryliberating.com

Oh my god tits! I so much agree! You are so damn funny!

ugh, the audacity! Just wish they'd served all of it laced with cyanide....

I didn't see "for personal use" butt plugs and dildos, assorted?

And what the hell are "aromatherapy pillar candles"

There's NO CHEETOS !!!

Actually, I think even an assistant manager of IHOP has more star power then this dipshit.

The only thing this poser should be demanding is some actual talent. What a whiny litle bitch.

Evian is not spring water... I pretty much despise K-Fag and anyone affilitated with that son of a bitch motherfucker.

I thought you were bannned Danielle?

No #20 no cheetos he actually went for the stank-ass and lesser Doritos, ugh.

The letter should have read:

Dear Wizard of Oz

I come all the way from the ghetto of Fresno to be a super rap star, ya dig? All I need is a brain, talent, and street cred ASAP. Can I get all three items supsersized please? My album has only Zinc on the record charts and I perform to sold out crowds nightly, in my head. I know I can be platinum with some skillz to prove the haters wrong. Help a wigga out.

Please hurry cuz I only got 21 seconds of fame left. I'm going to need some candles too cause i'm set to move into the crack upstairs from the hole in the wall, and wit my bad credit i can't get no lights in my name.

God... and I thought he couldn't be any more of a fucking loser than he already is...... I wrong!!

I love your ironic and often also sarcastic comments on such wanna-be celebs like 'MR. K-FED'. Keep at it! :)

#23. banned from what?

I thought you were dead? Darn.

Disposable cups?... DISPOSABLE CUPS?

What the fuck? Disposable cups!?

Plates and tonsils..... ERM OK.

ahhahhahahahahahha. hahahahhaha. ha.

Gourmet cheese is classic

http://www.celebslam.com

I'm going to go out on a limb here and make a wild prediction that Brit-brit will take him back. I mean if she's still wearing her wedding ring!...that tells me she's not ready to admit defeat. Maybe filing divorce papers was to prove a point to K-debt-erline.

Hell she SHOULD be in-your-face defiantly telling Fed-ex to go find some new popozao 'cuz mama just ain't footin' the bill no mo.

I kinda feel bad for him. I mean, he's being made to believe he can do things he can't by people who want to make some change. He was a BACK UP DANCER, right???

Too bad he didn't ask for a tray of fresh shut the fuck up.. Cuz I have loads in stock.

"I didn't see "for personal use" butt plugs and dildos, assorted?

And what the hell are "aromatherapy pillar candles"

lol brian!!
(ps... the pillar candles ARE the butt plugs. Anybody got a match?)

I've reached a point where I couldn't give a rancid bucket of gorilla jism about anything this mentally deficient pile of cunt fungus does.

What I really care about is seeing titties: as previously mentioned on the Brit has a huge rack thread.

So, someone (kris?), show me your titties... please?

I promise that I won't print a color copy and jerk off all over them. No, I definitely won't do that. In fact, I'm pretty sure my color printer is running really low on "nipple pink."

Come on, quit being such fridgid bitches.

He also has herpes. So what?

http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com

pee my pants

Who drinks or eats this much in the span of what, a couple hours? This sounds more like a grocery list.

he is such a fucking pussy!! He must be able to lick his eyebrows, I can see no other reason why Brit would have anything to do with it! Or maybe he has a big 'ole horse cock on him AND can lick his eyebrows. That would be almost enough to convince me!

One would think it would be time for him to cut down around now on his demands. Poor man. He's going about everything all wrong.

I obtained the original, unedited rider.

http://img176.imageshack.us/img176/4601/kevinfederlinedemands1zf4.jpg

...

.......
....

... Mmm, Safeway Select Diet Rootbeer. Nice choice, Mr. Federline.

http://chasingculture.com/liberty/index.php

Y'know, aside from the two bottles of name-brand booze, that's not all that bad, considering it'll be for him and his half-dozen wigga hangers-on.

I can't really find it too outrageous, except for the booze, of course :/

Just imagine: All those wigga Tupac wannabes, hangin' out, crunching away on chips and lettuce, sipping JD...

"You're gonna climb, Kfed, you're gonna clinb. Don't let the hatahs get you down, brah,"

(Kfed paces around, sucking the Marlboros)

"FUCKING RIGHT I AM! I'm not letting these muthafuckas get to me–not tonight!"

(wiggas nod seriously)

"Damn straight."

"Word."

(Kfed picks up the bottle of JD, drinks straight from it...wiggas think to themselves: 'Shit, why doesn't he use the cups? Now there's backwash–I can't drink that.')

"That bitch will KNOW I'll make my own coin!"

(Kfed throws a sandwich into the curtains)
--------------------------------------------

Hee hee hee hee :D
I cracked myself up with that one!

I obtained the unedited rider...

http://img297.imageshack.us/img297/9674/kevinfederlinedemands1yc5.jpg

...Safeway Select Diet Root Beer? Nice choice, K-Fed.

K-Fed is about as entitled to having a rider as I am to skull fuck his wife. Oh wait....

SOME OF THE FUNNIEST COMMENTS I'VE SEEN ON A POST IN A LONG TIME!! ROFLMAO!!!

2 hours after i first read them, i'm still laughing!

"Clean" ice ice, baby! Guess he's had enough of the ice that the kitchen help peed in.

What No Shoes?

Shit, sorry for the repost. I got an odd error while posting, and didn't see my previous post.

On topic, I think K-Fed is stocking up, much like someone would stock up for a hurricane.

HURRICANE POVERTY COMN THRGH

woot woot

Due to unprecedented public lambasting, I predict Mr. FertileLoins will end up in the federal witness protection program, and when he does - when he's living down the street from you and one day breaks into your house and drinks all your Sam Adams and impregnates your daughter and your golden retriever, you'll have only yourselves to blame.

His demands are pretty basic if you look at what his asking, other celebrities ask for alot more on tours I think he's actually starting to realize how bad he really is but bottom line his demands I don't think his demands are excessive even for someone of his small caliber

Gourmet cheese, is that what they consider Velveeta and Cheez Whiz where he comes from? And what does he need a wardrobe rack and steamer for... he is always wearing a wife beater and the same tired pair of shorts.

I was GOING to say "Well, at least he said 'Please' no Evian" but then I realized what I was reading and just who had requested (demanded?) so I smacked myself in the face...

And if he's going to PRETEND to have expensive tastes, why the fuck keep Evian off the list? What a douche.

KFed is:
One (1) dumbass with parachute pants.
One (1) loser with cornrows.
One (1) has-been with bounced cheques.

*lol* The thing that bugs me is the irony of his requests. GNC powder, tea, spring water, fruit and veggie platters...and JD, Red Bull, Doritos, beer, cigarettes and other crap.

#54: I fail to see the irony? Maybe you meant to say idiocy? Let's just hope the veggies were crawling with worms and cockroaches...

Deli trays, doritos and 2 bottles of hooch. Sounds like a party. A big, fucking party of 2 to 4 adults. What an animal.

The stuff he is asking for costs more than the money brought in by the 4 people that have bought tickets to his show. LOL!!!

Might as well been a list to Santy Clause.

And can I have some actual fame, please, please, pleeeeeze?

#55...the irony is the strange mix between crap food and healthy food. What's the point in having a clean tub of ice cubes and a veggie platter tray if you're going to serve it alongside cigarettes and Doritos?

But yes, idiocy is definitely there, and it is blatantly obvious!

After reading yesterday, I'm STILL laughing! So many funny comments ROFLOL. God, I was freakin when this looser started getting invited on every damn show on TV.

He may still get a ton of cash out of the divorce settlement, but the TIT is gone bro!

God he makes me sick every time I hear him even speak.. if I have to EVERY hear him say "ye-ah" again I'll rip my eardrums out.

The booze will come from all the customers leftover bottom of the glass backwash. They'll also give him a slinky to amuse his gangsta ass.

I own a live event venue and these aren't that bad. I've seen much worse....you wouldn't believe the crap that people request..and then don't even bother using. Granted, most acts we get actually have people come to seem them..so they can make a few demands. What's up with the cigarettes and ashtray? You can't smoke anywhere!

it seems he failed to specify the type of steamer he wanted. boston? cleveland?

Hey K-Fed, you forgot one thing on that list: Talent.

The funny thing is that just providing those listed itmes puts the whole show in the red. That's what happens when you do shows for free.

Douche-bag.

Billy is right, there are some real nutjobs on stage.

If you want to see a truckload of whacky-ass requests, check out the compilation over at TSG:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/index.html

Maybe some other big, sexy, Hollywood starlet will scoop him up now that he's available.

HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!

Oh, Kfed, you didn't know how good you had it.

I just read in the Enquirer that Bobby Brown knocked up another broad, and she's hot, too.

What's the deal with you stupid bitches? Pass some of that luvin' our way–the INTERNET way, babies-oh yeah! We won't treat you bad :)

I'm glad somebody said this was a really funny thread. This cracked me up:

""That bitch will KNOW I'll make my own coin!"
(Kfed throws a sandwich into the curtains)"

Hey K-Fed, you forgot one thing on that list: Talent.

http://www.popstarshow.com

Two words that might have saved his marriage, repeated early and often... yes dear.

Peachpie:

Since we're all doing such a good job of making you laugh, there is a simply way you can return the favor:

Show. Us. Your. TITS!

I can't remember the last time I had a 69. Nothing like eating a tuna fish sandwich while getting the ol' knob polished.

this is my first post, and i'll begin by defending ur "earl". God forbid, even the men in the room know they want some of that fine-ass, ivory coated schlong. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!Popo Zao, baby, lol.

Excerpt from page 2 of the list(not shown here):

"One nasty divorce (sole custody of Popozao please).

At least three (3)nice and expensive attorneys.

One SpongeBob SquarePants comic book"

SEVENTY-THIRD!!!

It was amuzing at first but come on... this is turning into a Fed-Ex Brit only web page....

Isnt there another star doing something wrong?

Who is catching Hep C from Pam? Whose kid is in the bottom of Tommy lee's pool?

Isnt Malcom in the middle of two gay men? Who is Doogie blowing?

Why does Joey lawrence look so much like howie mandell?

Come on.... spread your wings a little......

"NO EVIAN".....he doesn't want to come across as a poser.....he's just keepn' it real, yo!

jeezus,i always got on entertainers having such stupid fucking demands but at least they put asses in the seats.federline couldnt pack a house if he worked for a moving company.knowing the conditions of the pre-nup i would have kept my face in britney's cooze for a good 5 years before fucking up.k-fed..golddiggers everywhere are laughing at you.

http://celebriteaze.blogspot.com

Deep down, he knows he ain't got the goods.
Otherwise he'd have demanded M & M's with all the brown ones picked out.

LMFAO @ #25
Ah you guys have made my day. I love a good K-Fed post coz I know you people will rip him to shreds.

I've reached a point where I couldn't live without a festering pool of genetically mutant fed-ex semin. I'm up for about anything this steaming hunk of horse meat wants to do to my rectum.

What I really care about is seeing man meat : as previously disclosed only to my psychiatrists, fed-ex has a huge package.

So, someone ( Stallion? ), show me your schlong, ... please?

I promise that I will print color copies and jerk off all over them. No, I definitely won't do that, but only because of my erectile dysfunction, 'cause my printer is full to the brim with "man muscle pink". Otherwise, I'd be all over that shit, ...

Come on now, help an ass pirate out, bitches!

I can't remember the last time I had a 69. Nothing like getting tea bagged and slurping schlong while getting the ol' knob polished.

FIRST!!!
To post on November 13, 2006

@77 sexybitch - I now know I love you because of that Van Halen reference.

I was wondering if I shoulda done the M&Ms thing, but I thought others would have done it much sooner.

Let that be a lesson, kiddies: He who hesitates is lost!

But, then again, haste makes waste.

I got that juxtaposition from Mad magazine, many years ago.

Is anybody still reading this?

Clean towels? I would argue that normally asking for "towels" is enough because I can't think of anyone who would not like them to be clean, but does K-Fed actually know about hygiene? Has he ever seen towels without Cheetos stains and baby puke? I think not! Maybe he just ordered "clean towels" to see what that might look like!

#81
*BIG KISS*
But I'm still not showing anyone my tits.

@84 - That's okay, I've already seen a great pair of tits this morning on my monitor.

Thanks so much sweet ‘K’

I think you people have it all wrong. This rider was actually presented to the judge who will be presiding over the divorce trial, in the form of a paper airplane. Earl thought it was going to be a VH1 celebreality special:

Earl Goes To The Cleaners: Trying To Keep A White Man Down.

In other news, former K-Fed hangers-on have been calling Paul Wall, Bubba Sparxx, Eminem, and Kid Rock seeking possible leech openings on their respective entourages. Detail are sketchy, but Eminem appears to have shot three of them, while Paul Wall's 'iced-out' grill marks have been found on the necks of two others. Kid Rock was too inebriated to respond to repeated calls made to his residence, as Pam Rock kept answering the phone (apparently upside-down) commenting the her snatch was itching. Bubba Sparxx was similarly busy, contemplating his own obscurity.

He seems to be generating so much revenue for these places he's playing NO WONDER he can make a list of demands.

What he really got???
1 half-eaten stale Biggun' Burger from 7-11
1 12-pak of Old Milwaukee
1 pak of Pall Mall filterless
1 rotten banana
Keys to the men's room at the Exxon station down the block.

If this list of demands doesn't scream white trash, I don't know what does. He needs these things to entertain his guests...

I heard on the radio this morning that she filed for divorce because they were staying in NYC at separate hotels. He was supposed to meet her for dinner but stood her up. She went to his hotel, demanded a key and they gave her one since the room was on her credit card. She went up to his room and there was another girl in his room. She later texted him and part of the text said(the text we all saw him receive) saying "I f...ing hate you".

Wow, I've got my very own troll posting as me. Too bad the ignorant fucker can't spell.

Is there anything lamer than hijacking someone's ID?

Jim--it happens to me all the time. It's lame and the person who does it needs pins stuck in their eyes, but, fuck it...what can you do?

Jim - Trolling is as fucking stupid as Earl running for president. Or Britney trying to revive her career without showing us her mammoth tits. It's unoriginal and a pathetic cry for help. The posts usually involve the fake you attacking yourself and other posters in a horrible attempt to be funny, replete with mispellings and bad punctuation. What best describes them is that line from "Se7en": ...reading Guns and Ammo and masturbating in your own feces... The other really lame thing is creating a name just to attack one person, but normally posting under a different name, so as not to get attacked. Talk about being a pussy. I have at least one of those a week. I guess ridicule really is the burden of genius.

Ladies, please show Jim your tits already. The rest of us won't look. I promise...

the thing is, troll-jim is more entertaining than real-jim. something has to break up the monotony of the regs.

actually, the thing is is that my used tampon is funnier than #92....and those kind of things aren't very funny.

Nothing says straight up gangsta like 'Gourmet cheese and clean ice.'

#92 - How about being funny? That would surely break up the monotony of your post...

#89
I had the same LD troll post as me last weekend. It hasn't gotten any smarter, and it sure as shit isn't any funnier.
So much for evolution.

chippy little girls, esp rich

I have the largest johnson you'll ever see on a little girl, cupcake.

k. L

#63 - ROTFLMAO. I have tears in my eyes over that post!!

I hear that the whole "brown M&M's" thing by Van Halen was only to find out if anyone was actually reading their hospitality rider. What I'd like to know is if the venue sent his ass a bill after the show since he made them no money.

Did the rider really say "TV/VCR". Hasn't everyone migrated to DVD by now? That really shows the redneck trash that K-Earl is. I'm surprised that it didn't include "Black 1976 Pontiac Trans-Am with 'Farm Use' spray painted in white on both sides?

#98
Obviously that image rendered meh incoherent.
You gotta stop doing that, stroke rehab costs all of us in tax dollars!

I get this feeling that meh is a subject of the Queen...

I get the feeling that meh abuses the elderly.

the language is exaggerated male-protest, the behavior is flamingly girlish. easy diagnosis.

quick, everybody, gang up!!! lmao

K-Fed forgot to add rubbers to his list...that fucker NEEDS to STOP knocking up chicks. Better yet, just neuter him.

Wow , what a faggot.
Why not the whole world , Kevin?
I mean , WTF?! just cuz he WAS married to britney, means he can have,and do whatever he wants? no! bullshit!!!

He's such a prick :\

poor guy, now he's crashing at Motel6 and eating PB&J while drinking PBR (and dreaming of the good old days.) Jayna

Cracker

Cracker

Someone missed a perfect opportunity to poison his food. DAMN YOU!!!

Fuck me, i'm surprised not to see rohypnol on his list as well. Fucking asshat could have invited the entire audience back to his dressing room to party and still left with enough junkfood and booze to keep him going for a week.

Maybe the reason for the disposable cups is because he just knows that the top of every bottle handed to him is going to smell like ass.

wow, he can actually make those demand?!?