November 3, 2006
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie piss off terrorists

According to sources from the Intelligence Bureau, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have been given Y category security (11 personnel) while shooting A Mighty Heart in New Delhi because of threats to their lives from al-Qaeda.
Maybe I've been away from the terrorist scene for too long, but this is just sad. When al-Qaeda gets together at the annual convention of evil doers everybody's just gonna make fun of them. All the other bad guys will be like "We set up a plan to destroy the world by drilling to the Earth's core" and then these al-Qaeda clowns will be like "Oh yeah? Well we tried to kill Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie." And then everybody will stare at them blankly until they all burst out in laughter and take turns giving them wedgies.
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Comments
1. Posted by Adult Underoos on November 3, 2006 8:33 AM
poop!
http://www.funderpants.com
2. Posted by BigJim on November 3, 2006 8:33 AM
What else is new? They piss off everyone.
3. Posted by serial snarkalec on November 3, 2006 8:33 AM
Fust! Don't worry her lips will deflect any explosive tossed.
4. Posted by serial snarkalec on November 3, 2006 8:34 AM
Fust-ish anyway.
5. Posted by GirlyGirl on November 3, 2006 8:34 AM
Second!
So, what were the terrorists pissed about this time?
6. Posted by GirlyGirl on November 3, 2006 8:35 AM
Damn, I was fifth. Not that there's anything WRONG with that...
7. Posted by DancingQueen on November 3, 2006 8:35 AM
Don't they have more important people to blow up than these assholes.
8. Posted by PapaHotNuts on November 3, 2006 8:37 AM
Maddox is a ninja.
9. Posted by CoolKidWannaBe on November 3, 2006 8:39 AM
Hey all...first time poster, long time reader.
I figure they are going after these idiots because angie's lips are a prime target. she probably stores oil in there.
wow, for my first post, that was lame.
10. Posted by Brain Embolism on November 3, 2006 8:40 AM
Why don't they just leave?
Come one come all to
CooterPunch.com for
Girl on Girl Friday.
http://cooterpunch.blogspot.com/
It's a must see!!!
Beatcha Ferret.
11. Posted by slantingthroughdarkness on November 3, 2006 8:40 AM
Maddox is the reincarnation of Pol Pot.
Jolie will have to train her army of adopted babies to protect her.
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
12. Posted by pumpkinpye on November 3, 2006 8:41 AM
They're just pissed because Brangelina will try and adopt some of their children too.
13. Posted by Brain Embolism on November 3, 2006 8:44 AM
@9 CoolKidWannaBe - You're correct, it was lame.
Come on over to Yeeeah.com. You can be as lame as you want. No registration required.
http://yeeeah.com/blog/
14. Posted by HaYtersLuvDanielle on November 3, 2006 8:47 AM
they're always causing trouble.
15. Posted by CoolKidWannaBe on November 3, 2006 8:50 AM
Yeah, you win some you lose some.
16. Posted by PapaHotNuts on November 3, 2006 8:52 AM
Maddox is a gold-glove terrorist killer.
17. Posted by RichPort on November 3, 2006 8:52 AM
I'd like to terrorize Ms. Jolie with my johnson. Even post-partum, I'd hit that like a hippie on LSD. Funk that.
18. Posted by jrzmommy on November 3, 2006 8:54 AM
I thought when I saw Jennifer Aniston in a burka the other day it was just her Halloween costume......heh, who knew?
19. Posted by Peter Brady on November 3, 2006 8:56 AM
Unfortunately, I saw Mr and Mrs Smith and I think these two could take Al Qaeda. While their at it maybe they can take care of Al Sharpton also...........
20. Posted by RichPort on November 3, 2006 8:58 AM
Al Sharpton's hair can deflect bullets and good taste. They'll have to aim for his crotch.
21. Posted by Brain Embolism on November 3, 2006 9:03 AM
@16 PapaHotNuts - You've posted twice bad mouthing baby Maddox. You got something against baby Maddox? He's just a kid.
Pick on someone who can defend their self... like jrzmommy. :)
22. Posted by PapaHotNuts on November 3, 2006 9:03 AM
I think if Daniel Pearl would have known that Angelina Jolie was going to play the part of his wife in a movie, he probably would have thought twice about letting the terrorists chop his head off. Cause that's some shit you want to stick around for.
23. Posted by Italian Stallion on November 3, 2006 9:06 AM
Maybe we can just send the rest of the Yankees in little planes with bombs, that should take care of them sand niggers.........
24. Posted by jrzmommy on November 3, 2006 9:06 AM
Brain: Nah, I'm too busy posting comments, apparently, to defend myself, pick on my kids...they're tough, they can deal, and I don't care about their welfare anyhow. I don't even know where they are!! :)
25. Posted by BigJim on November 3, 2006 9:08 AM
In regards to an earlier thread about Ivanka and Topher, check this out:
http://entertainment.msn.com/tv/hotgossip/11-01-06_3?GT1=7703
All I can say about that picture of Topher is, I would never let someone who looks like that babysit my kids.
He looks like the kind of guy who hangs around playgrounds with a newspaper in his lap.
26. Posted by PapaHotNuts on November 3, 2006 9:09 AM
Stallion- you're idea would be great, but the Yankees would dominate the terrorists for the majority of the war, and right before the war was won, the Yankess would choke and the terrorists would in 5 games.
27. Posted by sirap on November 3, 2006 9:11 AM
Dear al-Qaeda, Please don't hurt Brad and Angelina, that would make me very sad.
Altough it may want to yell out Allāhu Akbar and turn Muslim.
28. Posted by el_princess on November 3, 2006 9:12 AM
@17 I'm jealous...but I have no idea why..
29. Posted by ImmaAssClown on November 3, 2006 9:12 AM
Gee, it must be tough being completely delusional ego-maniacal rich movie stars.
movie stars. not politicians or even psuedo-intellectual commentators or reporters.
movie stars.
get over yourselves...
when did these two fucktards saint themselves? Last I checked they were still adulterers who get paid to look good.
*sheesh*
30. Posted by natariix on November 3, 2006 9:12 AM
terrorists won't stop them.
don't you see? they're adopting a small army!!!
31. Posted by jrzmommy on November 3, 2006 9:13 AM
Brad looks a little on the mortified side by Angie screaming at the poor Indian golf cart driver. What could she be saying?
"It smells like a fucking New York City cab in here and it's making my little boy sick. Open some win....oh...."
32. Posted by Italian Stallion on November 3, 2006 9:13 AM
We could always clone Scott Peterson and send a bunch of them over there. Maybe that wouldn't work, there's more sand then water and they would all be standing around wondering where to put the bodies...........
33. Posted by RichPort on November 3, 2006 9:15 AM
#23 - Now that you mention it, shouldn't it have been Hideki Matsui in that plane? I mean, I thought only the Japanese were kamikaze pilots... there's nothing I hate more than copycats... Damn you and your lack of originality Corey!!!
34. Posted by jrzmommy on November 3, 2006 9:15 AM
29--Please don't ever confuse politicians with anything to be respected or with anything even resembling intellectual.
35. Posted by BarbadoSlim on November 3, 2006 9:17 AM
Pffffffffffft
faggots, any self respecting terrorist would've wasted these two already.
MAKE IT HAPPEN!!
chop! chop!
36. Posted by ImmaAssClown on November 3, 2006 9:18 AM
34- I'm not. trust me. but they are likely targets of Islamic terrorists. not these two babbling fools.
and I said "psuedo-intellectual"
37. Posted by BigJim on November 3, 2006 9:22 AM
I'm bored at work already and just surfing for stuff. All I can say about this loser is, "Waaa! Boo fucking hoo!"
http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/11/03/mtvawards.kanye.ap/index.html
What a tool.
38. Posted by Ed Bambrick on November 3, 2006 9:22 AM
LOL! (The regulars here are on FIRE today!) :)
P.S.- My wife Edna loves the cock.
39. Posted by Italian Stallion on November 3, 2006 9:23 AM
Angelina: Have you ever heard of deodorant?
Cab Driver: What is this deodorant you speak of? I want to take photograph of you making toilet.
40. Posted by PapaHotNuts on November 3, 2006 9:24 AM
If you shoot Angelina in the ass, you will probably hit Brad Pitt in the back of the head.
41. Posted by Italian Stallion on November 3, 2006 9:26 AM
British comedian Sacha Baron Cohen entertained the audience with his English-mangling character Borat Sagdiyev, a Kazakh TV journalist, and poked fun at Madonna who is trying to adopt an African child.
"My only concern is that this singing transvestite will not be such a good father," Borat said in a mock video link from Kazakhstan.
What a funny mother-fucker!!!!!!!!!!!!
42. Posted by no one you know on November 3, 2006 9:33 AM
Way to kick the American public where it counts, terrorists. When you're finished with that, could you hit up beloved American icon Tom Cruise and watch our society crumble without the warm embrace of our favorite kid collectors and proselytizer? Thanks.
43. Posted by ponk on November 3, 2006 9:34 AM
#37 BigJim, i read about that this morning. "I paid $1 million...It had Pamela Anderson in it". Oh excuse me Kayne, by all means you DO deserve the award...for lamest assmonkey sore loser.
44. Posted by RichPort on November 3, 2006 9:45 AM
#37 - HA!!! He's an arrogant fuck. He lost to some guys no one ever heard of for a video that cost less than my home movies. Of course, I hire extras and bikini chicks for my home videos, but that's just me.
45. Posted by jrzmommy on November 3, 2006 9:45 AM
Stallion--opening night tonight--are you going?
46. Posted by Brain Embolism on November 3, 2006 9:47 AM
BigJim, here's another 'story' for you.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061103/en_nm/moss_dc
47. Posted by Joshingya31 on November 3, 2006 9:47 AM
#26 That is fucking hysterical!!! I told it to one of the yankee fans at work and even he laughed.
48. Posted by Joshingya31 on November 3, 2006 9:50 AM
Oh wait I forgot to post my real comment. So I take it al-Qaeda is for "Team Aniston."
49. Posted by jrzmommy on November 3, 2006 9:54 AM
Do you think the alQaeda douches think Mr. and Mrs. Smith is real?
Osama: "We must purge the world of the infidel Mr and Mrs Smith -- the imperial American pig-dog CIA operatives."
50. Posted by PrettyBaby on November 3, 2006 9:57 AM
There are inumerable ways to spin this story, here is my fav:
Brad is setting up an elaborate plot so that Angelina will die tragically by "Al Qaida" (The Usual Suspect). And then, you will see him mysteriously turn up in all the tabloids with a new dark haired siren named PrettyBaby. She will take over as Maddox (who is the coolest kid), Zahara and Shiloh's mommy. I like it....
51. Posted by commissioner on November 3, 2006 9:58 AM
jrz- easy now. not all politicians are bad.
52. Posted by CelebSlam.com on November 3, 2006 9:59 AM
She they be plotting the overthrow of some government somewhere?
http://www.celebslam.com
53. Posted by PrettyBaby on November 3, 2006 10:02 AM
I must also say that we need to somehow leak it to Al Qaida that our favorite star ever is Tom Cruise!! Forget our beloved Brangelina, it's Tom Cruise and if something bad were to happen to him and Katie, the US would Fall!!
54. Posted by commissioner on November 3, 2006 10:03 AM
Just read that Kanye story. Justin Timberlake was actually witty. "I've got sexy covered, he's covered crazy". Or something like that. Tee, hee. Though it doesn't matter how funny JT is, I still wouldn't want my kid to grow up to be like his faggoty ass.
55. Posted by Italian Stallion on November 3, 2006 10:03 AM
@45 Stallion doesn't go to the movies on a Friday night, Stallion's got a date with a bottle of Jergens and a picture of Condelezza Rice...........
56. Posted by jrzmommy on November 3, 2006 10:06 AM
55--and mommy's got a date with her wastepaper basket under her desk right now.....scusi.....
57. Posted by RichPort on November 3, 2006 10:11 AM
#55 - Weird, I was planning on going to the local adult movie theater with a bottle of Jergens and a water gun...
58. Posted by commissioner on November 3, 2006 10:18 AM
#55
I'm heading next door to salsa dance with the painters who have provided me noxious fumes all morning.
*screams something unintelligble in Spanish*
59. Posted by HughJorganthethird on November 3, 2006 10:19 AM
I'm guessing people magazine is going to pay Executive Outcomes(look it up) about a billion dollars to make sure this never, ever happens.
60. Posted by jrzmommy on November 3, 2006 10:21 AM
Hey Commish: When are you going to have The Commissioner's First Annual Guats and Brats Festival? I think Guatemalen food and Bratwurst would be a great combo.
61. Posted by PrettyBaby on November 3, 2006 10:28 AM
#39 Funny shit!! (literally)
62. Posted by yardgraffiti on November 3, 2006 10:53 AM
And this is what our world has come to...
63. Posted by Chodite on November 3, 2006 11:06 AM
Ooh wow. Celebs and terrorists, all in the same story. Amazing.
btw, I'm not sure who you are Brain Embolism, but you and your Cooterpunch.com Girl on Girl Friday posts are great!
64. Posted by commissioner on November 3, 2006 11:34 AM
jrz- Good question. Hmmm. I'll call it the First Annual Brat Guat Fest. How about right after Tet?
65. Posted by jrzmommy on November 3, 2006 11:36 AM
Commish: Tet works for me!
66. Posted by Ambassador of Sexy on November 3, 2006 11:37 AM
al-Qaeda is an attention whore.
And beat off to pictures of Angelina Jolie in their parents basement.
...
.........
....
...=^?
http://chasingculture.com/liberty/index.php
67. Posted by HolisticWisdomcom on November 3, 2006 12:04 PM
Jolie & Pitt need to get into their Mr. & Mrs. Smith outfits and give the terrorists wedgies.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com
68. Posted by Cherokee Chocolate on November 3, 2006 5:20 PM
Mr. and Mrs. Smith 2! Hilarious, but seriously these terriosts have nothing better on the agenda. You know President Bush is still alive and kicking, why not take that psycho out? No, these idiots want to kill two celebs shacked up in India making a movie.
69. Posted by Carsten5577 on November 3, 2006 7:12 PM
Terrorists should really do the world a favour and take out both of these self-absorbed.
70. Posted by llwink on November 4, 2006 3:06 PM
I so wish thhat Tom Cruise and Paris Hilton were in the flick too