October 24, 2006
Jake Gyllenhaal shows off his penis

The perverts at the Famous Males forums have some shots of Jake Gyllenhaal showing off his bulge around NYC without any underwear on (and even included zoomed in closeups for maximum perversion). Which sounds pretty good in theory until you realize it's his penis in there and it's only 2mm of cloth away from breaking free. That's number three on my list of worst things that could ever happen, right under "invasion from a horde of ill-spirited space monkeys" and "finding out my dog Buster didn't really leave to go live on a farm."
More of Jake Gyllenhaal going commando after the jump.


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» Kate Moss is pregnant
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Comments
1. Posted by bigsteamyone on October 24, 2006 9:20 AM
1st ?
2. Posted by bigsteamyone on October 24, 2006 9:20 AM
ahh ha
3. Posted by bigsteamyone on October 24, 2006 9:22 AM
would anybody really notice if there wasn't any arrows pointing at his crotch ,,,, i think not
4. Posted by Binky on October 24, 2006 9:23 AM
I prefer my gay porn lesbian based...
5. Posted by laikiska on October 24, 2006 9:26 AM
one word: yummy!
6. Posted by BigJim on October 24, 2006 9:27 AM
That guy is hung like a hamster.
7. Posted by Chamois on October 24, 2006 9:28 AM
Look at him. Slightly bending over, hoping his shirt might slip over it and hide his shame. It reminds me of a Jeff Foxworthy joke (yes, Jeff Foxworthy.) When a woman says she isn't wearing underwear you think "Oh yeah" but when a man says he isn't wearing underwear the woman thinks "Oh God. I'm going to have to wash those pants twice."
8. Posted by PrettyBaby on October 24, 2006 9:29 AM
This dude is not attractive and no desire to see his boring cock. All my chicpals hate when dudes joke around with eachother about being gay so definitly hate a dude "pretending" to be gay in a movie.
Note to Men: Don't pretend to be a fag unless you really love dick (and not your own)
9. Posted by laikiska on October 24, 2006 9:33 AM
shame man - maybe he is a 'grow-er'. he is certainly not a 'show-er'... in any case, men: haven't you heard? size doesn't matter - technique does ;)
10. Posted by BigJim on October 24, 2006 9:35 AM
The closest I've ever come to acting gay is I shaved my chest hair once.
Itched like a motherfucker for two months growing back.
Never. Ever. Again.
Oh, and I love my own dick a lot.
11. Posted by jrzmommy on October 24, 2006 9:37 AM
Is the sun shining a little brighter right now? Do I hear bluebirds chirping? Why do I feel so.........happyish and giddy...hee hee.....
12. Posted by Madrid Marriott on October 24, 2006 9:39 AM
Hmm, car keys in hand while walking away from a taxi cab. Glad he's found a job he's more suited for than acting.
13. Posted by velvet on October 24, 2006 9:39 AM
I'd give anything to have sex with this man.
14. Posted by yuckyfresh on October 24, 2006 9:40 AM
what a great way to start the morning!!
15. Posted by Spindoc on October 24, 2006 9:42 AM
If you get close enough to the screen you can smell Lance Bass Spit on his pants.
16. Posted by CelebSlam.com on October 24, 2006 9:42 AM
He's hung like my little brother
http://www.celebslam.com
17. Posted by jrzmommy on October 24, 2006 9:46 AM
the only way these pictures could be better would be a) if his head was shaved, like in Jarhead, and b) he was walking into my bedroom.
18. Posted by Brain Embolism on October 24, 2006 9:53 AM
That's not a "bulge", that's a point.
19. Posted by sharkbite on October 24, 2006 9:54 AM
It is so rare to see a man get caught in any risque.
http://www.scandalsnappers.com
20. Posted by Angry Ferret Jones on October 24, 2006 9:55 AM
Jake Gyllenhaal's Penis is a Racist!
21. Posted by commissioner on October 24, 2006 9:57 AM
Awwww, I love a man who goes commando. Makes me all tingly.
22. Posted by BigJim on October 24, 2006 9:59 AM
Rump ranger
Protein exchanger
Not a stranger
To anal danger
Front rider
Salami hider
Vaseline slider
Butt cheek divider
Bone smuggler
Nut juggler
These are the names I call Jake Gyllenhaal to piss him off.
Pickle poker
Heinie poker
Chicken choker
Man-hood stroker
Butt slammer
Poop jammer
Rear rammer
Intestine crammer
Jump humper
Scrotum lover
These are the names I call Jake Gyllenhaal to piss him off.
23. Posted by ponk on October 24, 2006 10:01 AM
JGLTC?
24. Posted by Brain Embolism on October 24, 2006 10:09 AM
Angry Ferret Jones is a Racist!
25. Posted by BarbadoSlim on October 24, 2006 10:12 AM
I could just start posting about how Lance Armstrong must be fingering himself as he looks at the pictures of his trick here.
But I'm not gonna do that, I'm not even gonna mention anything on the faggotry trifecta that has this boy swapping shaft with McConagay and the Tour de Fag winner.
I'm classier than that.
26. Posted by BeautifulNightmare on October 24, 2006 10:12 AM
@22 - LMAO!!!
27. Posted by NipsyHustle on October 24, 2006 10:15 AM
#22 newsflash: you're coming off a little gay.
you've spent way too much time thinking up names for "homosexual" behavior which means you've spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME THINKING ABOUT HOMOSEXUAL BEHAVIOR. how do we know you're obsessed with homosexual thoughts? because you posted the evidence on this board.
if you want to cuddle with jake, it's okay. we understand. he's hot, sexy, rich, and famous.
28. Posted by RichPort on October 24, 2006 10:18 AM
He looks like he has a pimple on his crotch. I mean, shit, it barely makes it past his fly... sad I tell you, just sad...
29. Posted by jrzmommy on October 24, 2006 10:19 AM
He's not allowed to be queer. He's too fucking cute. Come see Jrzmommy, Jakey baby, I'll un-gay ya!
30. Posted by Italian Stallion on October 24, 2006 10:25 AM
"I'm out there Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it"
31. Posted by Angry Ferret Jones on October 24, 2006 10:26 AM
Jake Gyllenhaal is a Rump-ranging, Protein-exchanging, Front-riding, salami-hiding, Vaseline-sliding, Butt-cheek-dividing, Bone-smuggling, Nut-juggling, Pickle-poking, Heinie-stroking, Chicken-choking, Man-hood-stroking, Butt-slamming, Poop-jamming, Rear-ramming, Intestine-cramming, Jump-humping, Scrotum-loving, STOOL PIGEON RACIST.
Big Jim - your list ROCKS!
I love hyphens like a fat kid loves cake. I love hyphens like Stool Pigeon loves being an ignorant bastard. That's a lot!
32. Posted by pinky_nip on October 24, 2006 10:32 AM
No guy should show off his penis if it resembles a shitake mushroom.
33. Posted by slantingthroughdarkness on October 24, 2006 10:33 AM
Your gerbil's escaping against, Jake.
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
34. Posted by slantingthroughdarkness on October 24, 2006 10:34 AM
*again
35. Posted by mbarkr on October 24, 2006 10:37 AM
Fool is totally sprrting wood. And not a big tree, or branch or anything, either. A tiny little twig.
Looks like he's trying to smuggle an olive in his draw'rs. Yeah... I said it, DRAW'RS. I'm from the South. Blow me.
36. Posted by Anastasia_Beaverhausen on October 24, 2006 10:39 AM
@35....From the South? Uh-oh, must be a racist....
37. Posted by bigponie on October 24, 2006 10:41 AM
that pecker belongs on a chicken, not a man.
38. Posted by PrettyBaby on October 24, 2006 10:44 AM
What females has he ever dated in Hollywood?
Wasn't there ugly Kirstn Dunst and some other faghag?
39. Posted by beifiori on October 24, 2006 10:44 AM
AHHHHH, I LOVE YOU BIGJIM!!!!
40. Posted by mbarkr on October 24, 2006 10:44 AM
@36.... Nah, we hate everybody equally.
'cept for our Momma's.
41. Posted by PrettyBaby on October 24, 2006 10:46 AM
Kirsten I mean, yo!
42. Posted by bigponie on October 24, 2006 10:50 AM
if I throw chicken feed at his feet, I bet I'll see a chicken beak come out of his pants.
43. Posted by The Juice on October 24, 2006 10:50 AM
ok now you just grossed the fuck outa me
44. Posted by The Gilbs on October 24, 2006 10:51 AM
I would be willing to see if he's a grow-er or show-er for all of you. I think the world needs to know.
45. Posted by bigponie on October 24, 2006 10:51 AM
does his pecker wake him up before dawn by the sound of cock-a-doodle-doo.
46. Posted by no one you know on October 24, 2006 10:54 AM
This photo is completely understandable. If I had buried my pole in Kirsten Dunst's crustiness it would probably be trying to flee my pants and scurry down the streets in fear, too.
47. Posted by Anastasia_Beaverhausen on October 24, 2006 10:59 AM
@40 me too! But, apparently that makes me a racist according to Shit Pigeon.
48. Posted by forlorn angel on October 24, 2006 11:00 AM
Awww... it's just "sleeping" let him bring his cute ass over here and I will wake it up for him....
49. Posted by PrettyBaby on October 24, 2006 11:08 AM
#22 "Not a stranger to anal danger" I like it- gotta use that when I advertise my countless wares :)
50. Posted by reesestet on October 24, 2006 11:15 AM
Well hello Jake! Cumming to Indiana anytime soon?
51. Posted by kommie kazzie on October 24, 2006 11:19 AM
Thats's not a penis, his kegel weights droppped out of his ass. Gotta try and keep that chocolate starfish nice n' tight.
52. Posted by seyoboy on October 24, 2006 11:26 AM
He don"t have nothing to show ...
http://celebcorner.blogspot.com/
53. Posted by Spindoc on October 24, 2006 11:26 AM
Ok, he is young, good looking and has a hot career.....when Ben, Ashton, Matt Damon etc.. were young and single we saw them out with different girls, or out with their girlfriends in all the magazines, why do we never see any pictures of Jake out with women? Um, Gay Much Jake?
54. Posted by Brain Embolism on October 24, 2006 11:31 AM
The Ferret is Angry towards racists today... I'm liking it!
55. Posted by krisdylee on October 24, 2006 11:34 AM
KDLJGC.....
56. Posted by thesarahficial on October 24, 2006 11:43 AM
jake gyllenhaal is my favorite actor. And he's certainly not gay. It's called talented acting losers. Plus, He's hung like a walrus!
57. Posted by kommie kazzie on October 24, 2006 12:13 PM
#56
Oh hi Jake, nice of you to drop in. Men who don't wear underwear are either
A. Gay
or
B. Homosexual.
58. Posted by PrettyBaby on October 24, 2006 12:14 PM
Ummm Hmmmm Well, your right, he showed lots of talent when he "acted" like he loved dicks in Brokeback Mt. I guess I too am a talented actor as I "act" like I love dicks too. Wait, your right- we have a lot in common- I love him too!!
PrettyBaby + Jake Forever!
59. Posted by Haroof on October 24, 2006 12:19 PM
LOL!
Check out all the fat housewives getting all excited for Jake's two inches.
Go back to eating those bon-bons, fatties!!
Jake & his mouse penis wouldn't go anywhere near you blobs.
60. Posted by jrzmommy on October 24, 2006 12:30 PM
and exactly how big was YOUR dick, #59, before your wife cut it and your balls off?
61. Posted by Tracy on October 24, 2006 12:34 PM
JAKE THE SNAKE is not his nickname, that's for sure.
62. Posted by reesestet on October 24, 2006 12:46 PM
#59 is suffering from penis envy because his sister said his is two inches when fully erect. Us so called "fat housewives" would never lick your crusty bon-bons. That would make us Desperate Housewives!
63. Posted by DiabetesExplosion on October 24, 2006 12:46 PM
I'd totally love to be those pants - skidmarks and all.
64. Posted by PrettyBaby on October 24, 2006 12:48 PM
#59 Fat Housewives?! Oh no, son! Haven't you ever read on this site when they unleash the frickin hounds! Good Lord, you have got balls possibly.
Back to eating delicious, creamy smooth and decadent bonbons- so yummy!!
65. Posted by jrzmommy on October 24, 2006 12:50 PM
I got your fuckin' bon-bons---right fuckin' here!
66. Posted by RichPort on October 24, 2006 12:53 PM
Apparently his hat does not reveal his size... unless it's in fucking millimeters. Ladies, you better hope he handles raw fish like a sushi chef, because his woodpecker doesn't look like it could put a whole in a twig.
67. Posted by commissioner on October 24, 2006 1:01 PM
Again, I eat stupid twenty-somethings for breakfast. And Jake G. for lunch. I shave his "bon-bons" before I suckle them.
68. Posted by RichPort on October 24, 2006 1:02 PM
Oh and I put and remove W's henever I ant. My mother as a hore after all..
69. Posted by HolisticWisdomcom on October 24, 2006 1:08 PM
I am so amused by the penis size comments. If I could get a dollar for every customer or site visitor that asks us about penis enlargement I would be on lifestyles of the rich and famous.
The obsession with penis size is unreal and a much more heated and sought out desire than breast implants and that is saying a lot!
Here is a link on the wondrous penis-
http://www.holisticwisdom.com/penis-enlargment.htm
As for Jake... thanks for the glimpse, it made my morning.
70. Posted by grateful on October 24, 2006 1:13 PM
I'd hit that
71. Posted by jrzmommy on October 24, 2006 1:18 PM
the pants and bo-bo tennis shoes are a little less than hot, however. I'd like to see him in......I dunno.......ME!
72. Posted by Murphy on October 24, 2006 1:19 PM
That's hawt. I'd hit it.
73. Posted by biatcho on October 24, 2006 1:28 PM
Hey, is that a pinky finger in your pants or do you just have a really small dick?
74. Posted by The Gilbs on October 24, 2006 1:38 PM
#59 it sounds like you either have a small dick or you’re fucking a man with a small dick. Bitter? Small dick = "which feels better my finger or my dick." I wonder if that was you who said that to me after five minutes of rabbit fucking back in 2001. Ever been to Fort Collins shorty? Do you still use finger cots as condoms?
75. Posted by JJBobby on October 24, 2006 1:54 PM
THIS is the photo you should be looking at
http://socialitelife.com/images/2006/10/jakebulge102306_01.jpg
76. Posted by hobieluv83 on October 24, 2006 2:09 PM
#57, I take offense at your remark...well, not real offense. I beg to differ though. My boyfriend is most definately not gay and he rarely wears underwear, which I love. Easier access to the cock. ;)
77. Posted by frenchtoaststix on October 24, 2006 2:25 PM
I go commando a lot, but I'm female. What does that say about me?
78. Posted by JJBobby on October 24, 2006 2:42 PM
And look at this one
http://www.iheartjakemedia.com/albums/261/012.jpg
79. Posted by Kimberly on October 24, 2006 2:52 PM
He's packing.
80. Posted by pepsiBinLaden-Bush on October 24, 2006 3:25 PM
ive sucked bigger cocks than that...but i will still suck it, coz its Jake.
81. Posted by ElatedPornStar on October 24, 2006 3:42 PM
Choad much?
82. Posted by outoftown on October 24, 2006 4:33 PM
he could have a stub, i'd still ride it hard
http://us.video.aol.com/video.index.adp?mode=1&pmmsid=1746697
sexxy.
83. Posted by Queen Sugar on October 24, 2006 5:12 PM
The sheer idiocy of anyone who thinks they can judge a penis' erect length by its flaccid length speaks volumes about the sexual experience of some people on this site.
It's well known that not all penises swell equally; and I hardly see why flaccid length matters (not that you can even see it all that well in these photos).
Some men have small penises that can grow as much as 300% during erection; others have larger flaccid penises that only add, say, 10% or 20%.
Either way, though, there are few things more pathetic than attempting to use penis size as some sort of measure of awesomness. My boyfriend has a perfectly average penis, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
84. Posted by LindaParson on October 24, 2006 6:07 PM
**HOT OFF THE PRESSES!!**
__Oct. 24, L.A.__
This just in, Jake Gyllenhaal's Penis is a better actor than he is! Much to the surprise of fans everywhere, Jake's penis released a public statement today saying: "and I was like, dude, I'm a better actor than you are! I mean, I had to somehow get blood into myself and become erect when you had sex with that girl the other day, and you know how hard I have to pretend not to like Tom Cruise's sweet, tight ass?"
Publicity Reps for Jake wouldn't reply to phone calls.
85. Posted by suzy on October 24, 2006 6:15 PM
it's jake wood
it's totally looking at me
::winks::
86. Posted by cole007 on October 24, 2006 7:29 PM
moving on up... moving on up, to the eaaast side... to that deeeluxe apartment in the skyyyyyy.... oh, coming on out... cummin on out, in the best way... best way, that's right, everyone... I'M GAAAAYYYYYYYY.....
[paid for by Jake Gyllenhaal for Penis Enlarger Pumps, yes, this sorta thing IS MY BAG BABY.]
87. Posted by kitty_kat on October 24, 2006 7:51 PM
All that money and he can't go to Walmart and buy some underwear?
88. Posted by HolisticWisdomcom on October 24, 2006 8:37 PM
@83 You are correct! There is no way to know how large a man's penis is when flaccid.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com
89. Posted by HollyJ on October 24, 2006 8:39 PM
Men with huge penises don't tend to get much bigger when they're hard and don't express as much turgidity due to surface-area dispersion of vessels. Men with average penises tend to grow expeditionally and be much firmer. It's just the science of closer blood vessels, folks.
So the 9" 'well-hung' dude will get to maybe 9.25" when hard, and he'll be semi-soft; Meanwhile the 6" 'average' skinny dude you left behind hardens to almost 9" of solid steel. You lose!!!
I'd rather have 9" of gruyere than 9.25" of goat cheese.
Disclaimer: Yeah, some guys just have pathetically scary micropenises, and no amt of "growth" helps. Sorry, microdick men (ie, Jude Law)!! Sucks to be you!!
90. Posted by cayana on October 24, 2006 10:04 PM
Wahahaha! Yes, finally something for the ladies. *stares in perverted fascination*
91. Posted by Marjolein on October 25, 2006 3:50 AM
Is it winter already in New York?
92. Posted by happy hands club on October 25, 2006 7:10 AM
Size really does matter.
93. Posted by kate on October 25, 2006 11:48 AM
I definitely got a little vaginal tingle looking at that second picture. Sorry, he could easily be a grower, and that's fine with me.
94. Posted by Keres on October 25, 2006 12:26 PM
#83, couldn't have said it better myself. :)
95. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
96. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
97. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
98. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
99. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
100. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
101. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
102. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
103. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
104. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
105. Posted by Amy3000 on October 25, 2006 4:20 PM
I wouldn't say that qualifies as a "bulge" maybe a 'nub' or a large zit.....
106. Posted by amazonballerina on October 29, 2006 2:19 AM
All penises are beautiful as long as they are clean. A well-weighted sack is a beauty to behold as well. Maybe if a celeb started a kilt trend we could get some skin shots.
107. Posted by ufos8mycat on October 29, 2006 3:04 PM
i know what happened.
lance armstrong had a little slumber party with jakey and matthew. clearly matthew brought extra clothes for the slumber party, and jake...well, he left his...along with other provisions (that's why he's taking the taxi) so he left his underwear at lance's...(oh you know why) anddd here we are.