Oct 24 2006Anna Nicole Smith's life is still ridiculous
Real estate developer G. Ben Thompson is kicking Anna Nicole Smith out of the house she's been staying in at the Bahamas. Anna was supposed to sign a mortgage to buy the house from him but has refused to do so, playing it off as if the house was a gift. The only reason Anna was given citizenship in the Bahamas was because she established legal residency under the premise she owned a home, but now that Thompson is kicking her out she may have to go back to California where she'll be forced by law to submit to the paternity test filed by photographer Larry Birkhead.
And because this is Anna Nicole Smith the drama doesn't end there. According to sources, she confessed during her pregnancy that Larry Birkhead was the father of her baby. Additionally, late last year she was in a sexual relationship with G. Ben Thompson (the guy kicking her out of the house) and - after finding out about his wealth - told him he was the father of her child. But turns out that's impossible because Thompson had already had a vasectomy.
So what does all of this mean? I have no idea. But a caveman could come riding in on a time machine claiming to be the real father and it'd be the most normal thing to happen in this saga yet.
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Reader Comments
1. notmeganharris - October 24, 2006 12:29 PM
Wow. My life is really boring.
2. CelebSlam.com - October 24, 2006 12:30 PM
Anna should wear one of those camera hats at all times
http://www.celebslam.com
3. CelebSlam.com - October 24, 2006 12:32 PM
I like my line better (from last week)
"Anna could have driven around New York on a motorcycle fighting crime with Daniel’s body in one those sidecar things and I wouldn’t have given it a second thought."
http://www.celebslam.com/daniel-smith-finally-escapes-anna
4. Angry Ferret Jones - October 24, 2006 12:35 PM
I can solve the whole problem.
Just tell Madonna that the baby is from Africa, and then SHE will take it. She will raise it until it is is 18, then return it back to it's two fathers, Ben and Larry.
Wait - We'll make it a sitcom, called "My Two Dads." and then......what? It's been done already? Shit.
5. jrzmommy - October 24, 2006 12:35 PM
maybe Daniel was the father.....
6. HolisticWisdomcom - October 24, 2006 12:36 PM
I don't know if you want to bring up cavemen Superficial, you know they are pretty sensitive these days. If you have not seen the latest Geico commercial it is worth seeing on YouTube-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZrjr4A-ASQ
7. Angry Ferret Jones - October 24, 2006 12:37 PM
PS - STOOL PIGEON IS A RACIST and has a tiny weenie (and probably didn't get my joke.)
8. IFuckingHateYou - October 24, 2006 12:37 PM
#3 - if you're going to repeat a post that you made earlier, maybe you could at least fix the grammatical error first, you lazy, ignorant, in-bred hillybilly fucker.
You are K-Fed, right?
9. Angry Ferret Jones - October 24, 2006 12:39 PM
I was just thinking that. The Earth Person Anti-Defamation League will be coming down hard on the Fish now! He might even get an anonymous e-mail from some pussified ass-pirate that doesn't have the balls to show his face in this public forum.
PS - They prefer 'Earth Person' over 'Caveman'. If you say otherwise they will boycott your fruit stand, and fuck your dog.
10. Brain Embolism - October 24, 2006 12:41 PM
Don't say anything because we want to surprise him, but......
......Angry Ferret IS the father!
Congratulations Ferret!
You've now saddled yourself with a lifetime of torment and misery.
11. CelebSlam.com - October 24, 2006 12:43 PM
"IFuckingHateYou": thanks!
http://www.celebslam.com
12. RichPort - October 24, 2006 12:45 PM
Fine, I'm the fucking father. But I admit I had no idea a chick could get pregnant from head alone. Yes, my johnson is long enough to touch her stomach acid, but I had no idea my boys could swim that far. Methinks this crazy ho had something planned that involved spitting out into a ziploc when I wasn't looking and a basketball pump. She can keep the fucking kid, because I stuck it in her starfish first and I don't want any shithead kids.
13. magickal - October 24, 2006 12:46 PM
Has Daniel been buried yet or is he still "not resting in peace" at that Bahamian funeral home? This fucking cunt deserves to lose custody of "Dannielynn" to whoever the fuck turns out to be the baby daddy.
14. BigJim - October 24, 2006 12:48 PM
Rich:
Same kind of technique, but wrong guy. She blew that old billionnaire geezer and froze his jiz. When things were looking rough in the inheritance battle she decided to impregnate herself with said old man spooge, looking to gain some additional leverage.
15. jrzmommy - October 24, 2006 12:49 PM
I'm the father.
16. seyoboy - October 24, 2006 12:55 PM
Be the fist to know..
http://celebcorner.blogspot.com/
17. Anastasia_Beaverhausen - October 24, 2006 1:01 PM
Ferret is racist against pigeons!
...They are dirty diseased motherfuckers tho. Like gays.
18. jrzmommy - October 24, 2006 1:01 PM
here's the father.....
http://static.flickr.com/8/10180188_b56ef7d76b.jpg
just can't get enough of it!!
19. biatcho - October 24, 2006 1:10 PM
This bitch's life is like an episode of fucking Dynasty... but that shit is NOT supposed to be real yo!** Throw on some shoulder pads, get rid of the jew, replace him with a WASP tennis star named Brock Charlemagne and start slapping other bitches while falling into a pool & there you have it. Oh & throw in a dead baby fetus for added drama/hilarity.
** for street cred to show I am no racist! naggers.
20. jrzmommy - October 24, 2006 1:10 PM
There is only one case in the history of this country where a spirit caused the impregnation of a human being...This event became the most documented impregnation in American history.
An American Impregnation---the Story of J. Howard Marshall and Anna Nicole Smith
Own it Now on DVD.
21. bigponie - October 24, 2006 1:15 PM
I know I've said this before, the real father is Darth Sidious, his out there right now messing around with your clit and you don't even know it until 9 months when the baby pops out looking like a cross between the elephant man and tom cruise.
22. The Gilbs - October 24, 2006 1:18 PM
@18 That image just made me puke in mouth a little bit.
23. Spindoc - October 24, 2006 1:18 PM
Easy to figure out...she got knocked up by a good looking poor guy, well couldn't have that so tried to convince a rich guy that the kid was his.
When he slamed her with the "Vasectomy" line she freaked and now her lawyer is pretending to be the kids father because not only does the real father not have any money to give her she could end up paying HIM child support. LOL!!!!
24. biatcho - October 24, 2006 1:23 PM
Just when I think it's safe to open up an image posted by jrzmommy... you & that goddamned Brian peppers!! Damn you!! He makes me want to never have the sex again.
25. The Gilbs - October 24, 2006 1:30 PM
@24 raging soft-on
26. jrzmommy - October 24, 2006 1:33 PM
24 & 25-- Okay okay okay....I'm sorry. And as an act of good-faith to show how sorry I am......here....
http://static.flickr.com/46/163776937_66c7b2257a_m.jpg
27. commissioner - October 24, 2006 1:33 PM
This whole saga would be a great after school special.
My kid's only ten, even he understands blonde hair + big boobs = bad checks.
28. commissioner - October 24, 2006 1:34 PM
jrz- I'll pretend the ball is my head. In fact, right now I'm sucking on the largest lollipop in the nation. Really, I am.
29. shmoody - October 24, 2006 1:36 PM
What that fuck is with the names of the guys she bangs? Birkhead, Howard K. Stern, and G. Ben?
The next guy she sleeps with will be Doppler Donger Fumunderfungus, III.
30. jrzmommy - October 24, 2006 1:38 PM
I thought you'd all like that.
31. biatcho - October 24, 2006 1:39 PM
jrz - how did you know I loved soccerboys??? Consider amends made. Now if only that was Gabriel Heinze that hot Argentine footballer...
i said baller. preferably in my mouth.
32. Italian Stallion - October 24, 2006 1:39 PM
There's a Quiznos near my work and I went in there today for a sub. I asked them about their pepper bar and they directed me in the corner where Brian Peppers was standing on a table waiting to jerk off in my sub. So I kicked him in his balls and let's just say I will never eat there again..........
33. The Gilbs - October 24, 2006 1:41 PM
@32 that was beautifully written.
34. jrzmommy - October 24, 2006 1:42 PM
biatcho: what girl in her right mind DOESN'T worship the fuck out of a soccerboy? Not them pasty white boys from the friggen Netherlands and shit (except Becks)....I mean the dark, seething motherfuckers from Italy and the Latin countries.
35. The Gilbs - October 24, 2006 1:44 PM
@34 they're too short for me.
36. pinky_nip - October 24, 2006 1:44 PM
Go on Maury already.
Stallion, I want you to jerk off in my "sub", you awesome hooligan.
37. jrzmommy - October 24, 2006 1:44 PM
Stallion: Could you imagine being directed to any where that that fucking face is the destination? Seriously, imagine meeting up with him.......after having some happy Mushroom Tea and a spacecake?
38. Italian Stallion - October 24, 2006 1:49 PM
@36 If by "sub" you mean "mouth", bring it on.........
@37 I was trying to ruin Quiznos for everyone, please don't ruin happy Mushroom Tea and spacecake for me.........
39. Italian Stallion - October 24, 2006 1:54 PM
@34 Biatcho hates Italians, trust me........
40. pinky_nip - October 24, 2006 1:55 PM
@38: Actually, let's make it my grinder.
41. Italian Stallion - October 24, 2006 2:04 PM
@40 HUH? If by "grinder" you mean "pussy" then ok, please don't call it that though. Stallion scared now...............
42. NipsyHustle - October 24, 2006 2:36 PM
so is this what happens when you take trimspa? i'll pass.
43. biatcho - October 24, 2006 2:52 PM
#35 - They're definitely too short for me as well but their manpoles are large and in... me.
http://www.manutdzone.com/playerpages/Heinze4.jpg
http://www.hatter.hu/archivum/files/images/Christiano%20Ronaldo.jpg
44. biatcho - October 24, 2006 2:55 PM
Stallion... correction: I hate guido dego guinea wops. Not Italians. And certainly not you!
45. RichPort - October 24, 2006 3:26 PM
I've always considered my self a bit of a soccer buff... futbol actually. Not because I'm athletic or anything, I've just been known to kick balls, usually when they're attached to stupid motherfuckers.
46. cole007 - October 24, 2006 7:25 PM
This is a blantant attempt to keep herself on thesuperficial longer than reasonably thought... after all, bikini season is almost over for Linds... god, is it over already? I can't wait until next melanoma, I mean, summer...
47. KelKel - October 24, 2006 9:27 PM
What a typical Jerry Springer episode.What a shame that poor kid has to deal with a inbred redneck drugged up whore of a mother.I hope her ass gets shipped back to Cali and that kid gets taken away from her.
48. Sam - October 28, 2006 8:11 AM
thanks for that picture of the father at flickr.
http://www.annanicolesmithguide.com/
49. HollywoodSnark - March 22, 2007 9:52 AM
lol, can't she 'pay' some other way?