Oct 27 2006Avril Lavigne gets drunk and flashes her panties
The guys over at ALavigne got some shots of Avril Lavigne wasted and flashing her panties in Hollywood. Which isn't as exciting as you'd think. Mostly because it's impossible to get turned on by people you hate. Try masturbating to Hitler. You'll see. Unless that does turn you on, in which case maybe consider shooting yourself in the face and never coming here again.
A ton more of Avril Lavigne and her panties after the jump.
Continue Reading "Avril Lavigne gets drunk and flashes her panties"
Oct 27 2006Snoop Dogg arrested
Snoop Dogg was released on $35,000 bail after being arrested on suspicion of illegal drug and gun possession yesterday at Bob Hope Airport. Officers stopped him at a loading zone for a vehicle code violation and when they searched his vehicle found a gun and marijuana. His attorney says:
"There was no basis for this arrest. We believe that once this is cleared up, all charges will be dismissed."
Is Snoop Dogg ever not suspected of carrying illegal drugs on him? I mean, this is Snoop Dogg. You could search him in the shower and you'd still end up finding like seven baggies filled with weed.
Oct 27 2006Brad Pitt pranks himself
Brad Pitt tells Entertainment Weekly to lighten the mood on the set of Babel he would yank up his pants to give himself a wedgie and then stick out his butt and waddle around like a duck. I pull a similar prank. Only instead of waddling around with a wedgie I stare at women and make them orgasm with my eyes. It's a little trick I picked up at the University of Being Sexy.
NOTE: Sorry for the late updates. My internet was being a little punkass, so I had to uppercut it in front of its friends.
Oct 26 2006Nicole Richie seeks weight help, is a liar
Nicole Richie is seeking treatment to figure out why she's so thin and can't put any weight on. Her rep says:
"Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not been putting on any weight. She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieves this goal in a healthy way as this is not a treatment for an eating disorder.""She's tired of everyone saying you don't eat, because she does," a source close to Richie tells People. "She wants to gain weight. It wasn't anyone saying you have to go do this - it wasn't an intervention. It was her saying I'm tired of people saying this about me, I'm going to go get some tests. It was a personal decision."
Unless she has cancer there's no reason Nicole Richie shouldn't be gaining weight if she's eating the way she claims to be eating. I'd buy that it's her metabolism or genes except that I've seen what she used to look like. Her natural state is that of rotundness. Pretending this is a medical condition is about as believable as claiming it's the work of a magical fairy named Butterscotch she found in her attic.
Oct 26 2006Lindsay Lohan looks unfamiliar
Lindsay Lohan showed up to the XBox "Gears of War" launch party yesterday looking a little more strung out than usual. Which is like describing water as being a little bit wetter today. And with her straight hair Lindsay is almost unrecognizable. Give her a fake mustache and monocle and she'd be the CIA's top agent. Assuming, of course, that the CIA's top agents spend their time napping and trying to find the perfect pair of shoes.
More of Lindsay Lohan looking like Demi Moore after the jump, including one of her about to give K-Fed a hug.
Oct 26 2006Madonna still in controversy
Just a few days after claiming he didn't know Madonna would gain permanent custody of his child, Yohane Banda, the father of the 13-month-old Malawian boy Madonna wants to adopt, says he's scared Madonna will back out of the adoption because of all the negative press. He says:
"I am afraid Madonna may get angry and frustrated and decide to dump my son because of these people. These so-called human rights activists are harassing me every day, threatening me that I am not aware of what I am doing. I'm afraid David may be sent back and the orphanage may not even accept him back. So where will he end up? Here? He will certainly die."
And regarding his previous statements about not meaning to give Madonna permanent custody he says:
"I was telling these rights groups that I wasn't selling my son. I said I wouldn't ... sell my son for anything but I had agreed with Madonna before a judge so my comments were taken out of context and I hope Madonna is not angry."
I was hoping the first pictures of Madonna's new family would be of her and her two kids and in the background would be David chained to the radiator eating out of a dog bowl. But no, she's actually treating the adopted kid with dignity and respect. And now that she has the approval of the father it makes it imposisble to hate what she's done. Although the father is so completely confused about everything I think with enough coaxing we could get him to admit the kid isn't even his and then confess to staging the moon landing in his basement studio.
Oct 26 2006Ashlee Simpson tries to speak, fails
Ashlee Simpson is helping to launch a new line of footwear for Skechers and at a photocall in London yesterday she said:
"Skechers is brand that is not afraid to going the beyond. I look forward to representing Skechers clothing line; I also hope to add a few more pairs to my wardrobe."
Read that first sentence again. Read it twice if you have to. Now picture it being said by a 3-year-old girl in her pajamas holding a stuffed teddy bear. Because that's the kind of person that should be saying stuff like that, not a 22-year-old woman. Ashlee's getting cute as hell, but I'm surprised she isn't required by law to wear a helmet and kneepads.
A ton more of Ashlee Simpson promoting shoes after the jump. Half of which she probably ate because she thought they were cookies.
NOTE: When I say 'cute as hell' I mean her chin looks like it needs to take a dump. If she and Jay Leno had a baby the kid's head would just be a giant butt.
Oct 26 2006Kevin Federline actually believes he's a somebody
Kevin Federline recently told Entertainment Weekly that he's the "most talked-about [person] of anyone over the last couple of years" and when asked who the most underrated performer in his field was he paused for about 12 seconds and replied: "Me." Additionally, in an interview with People he says he doesn't mind that everybody in the world hates him:
"If you want to hate me, cool, hate me. You know why? Because all it's going to do is help me. I know who I am."
And on his acting debut last month on CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.
"I shocked myself. There were parts that I wish I would have done different, but there are parts that really took me, like, Wow, did I do that? I looked at myself and I was like, It looked good. It looked perfect."
And on being a father of four:
With each birth, "it gets less and less stressful. It's just time to get my stuff down while they're young. so I can sit back and watch them grow up."
What can you say about K-Fed that hasn't already been said? I guess I could start a rumor that his penis is so small he's technically a girl. But that's not really a rumor. It's a fact.
Oct 26 2006Naomi Campbell never not beating people
Naomi Campbell was arrested again in London yesterday on suspicion of assaulting her drug counselor after the counselor walked into a police station with red scratches all over her face and told police Naomi had done it. A spokesperson for Naomi said:
"We believe there has been a misunderstanding. Once police have investigated we are sure this will be resolved satisfactorily."
So apparently Naomi's spokesperson has been living on the moon for the past eight years. This isn't like Julia Roberts. This is Naomi Campbell. Her client might as well be a Kodiak bear. Who also happens to be half shark. And has rabies.
Oct 25 2006Kate Moss and Pete Doherty already bad parents
The madness never stops, does it? And why would it? This isn't church. Pete Doherty and Kate Moss showed up to that same Moet and Chandon Fashion Tribute event not only wearing the same stupid masks, but also toughening up their new baby with cigarette smoke and alcohol. Considering all the stuff she's put in her body, this kid'll be lucky if he doesn't come out with flippers and a tail.
NOTE: Yes, her dress is see through and you can see her panties, but she's pregnant now and that makes her gross. And I'm 98% positive Pete Doherty is a cartoon character.
Oct 25 2006Scarlett Johansson also ruins Halloween
I take back everything I said about Gisele's costume, because what Scarlett Johansson wore to the same Moet and Chandon Fashion Tribute event makes Gisele look like a master of freaking disguise. Are any of them even trying? I wish somebody had the balls to show up to one of these things dressed as RoboCop. Everybody would be like "Holy shit it's RoboCop!" And then they'd take off the helmet and inside it'd be Dakota Fanning on stilts. Smoking a cigar. Because I said so.
Oct 25 2006Gisele Bundchen ruins Halloween
Gisele Bundchen attended the Moet & Chandon Fashion Tribute yesterday looking like that tool who shows up to your Halloween party dressed as "Normal Guy" and he's just got on jeans and a t-shirt. Only instead of "Normal Guy" she came as "Crazy Button Lady" and just pinned a bunch of buttons to her shirt. You know what's a good costume? A mummy. Or a police officer. But not Mrs. Insane Button Collector person.
A couple more of Gisele making an ass out of herself after the jump.
Oct 25 2006Rush Limbaugh is an asshole
On Monday Rush Limbaugh suggested that Michael J. Fox deliberately went off his medication to exaggerate his Parkinson's symptoms in a campaign ad for Missouri Democrat Claire McCaskill in which he called for stem-cell research. On his syndicated show Limbaugh said:
"I think this is exploitative in a way that's unbecoming of either Claire McCaskill or Michael J. Fox."
Although yesterday on his website he backed away from his accusation, saying:
"All I'm saying is I've never seen him the way he appears in this commercial for Claire McCaskill. So I will bigly, hugely admit that I was wrong, and I will apologize to Michael J. Fox, if I am wrong in characterizing his behavior on this commercial as an act, especially since people are telling me they have seen him this way on other interviews and in other television appearances."
And then he drove down to the local hospital and yelled at a bunch of patients for being liars. That guy with cerebral palsy who keeps twitching? Liar! That guy who got shot three times in the stomach who keeps bleeding? Liar! They're all liars. And there's only one man brave enough to stand up for truth and justice and all that is right: Batman! But he was off fighting a giant mechanical spider or something so they called in Rush Limbaugh.
Oct 25 2006Keanu Reeves might be homeless
See that cup and saucer in the background? Yeah, that's his. No idea where it came from, but if you follow the sequence of events after the jump it looks like Keanu takes a few sips and then leaves it on the ground. I guess that's what homeless people are doing these days. That and taking dumps on the sidewalk as I throw change at them. Because that's what happened about 14 seconds after that last picture was taken. I mean Jesus, there was a bathroom right there, Keanu.
More of Keanu standing around with his fancy drinking ware after the jump.
Oct 24 2006Carmen Electra and Paris Hilton looking for work
Carmen Electra and Paris Hilton are reportedly trying to get gigs for New Year's Eve hosting celebrations in Miami, New York, or Los Angeles. Hilton wants $100,000 plus expenses and a private jet for her to host a party, while Electra wants just $50,000 and expenses. Left off the list was Kevin Earl Federline, who's willing to host for $12 and a hot sandwich. The sandwich doesn't even have to be hot. Or a sandwich. I believe his exact words were "a coupon for Arby's."
More of Paris Hilton celebrating her best friend Kim Kardashian's 26th birthday at Tao after the jump.
NOTE: From now on I'm referring to K-Fed only as Kevin Earl Federline. Why? Because you can't unlearn the truth.
Continue Reading "Carmen Electra and Paris Hilton looking for work"
Oct 24 2006Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are really getting married
Us Weekly has confirmed that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise will get married in Italy on November 18. A rep for the couple says: "All those details are correct. Proper security measures are being taken [to keep the vows private.]" Additionally, Giorgio Armani has confirmed he's creating both outfits for the wedding, including Tom Cruise's suit and Katie Holmes' wedding dress, saying: "When I am asked by a friend to make a wedding wardrobe, it goes straight to my heart. It really is an honor to play a small role in that milestone moment."
There aren't really any other details about the wedding, but I assume they've already rented out the rising platform synchronized to techno music and a laser show. It's tough to cater to the insane, but I imagine Tom Cruise has the resources to make his dream wedding a reality.
Oct 24 2006Anna Nicole Smith's life is still ridiculous
Real estate developer G. Ben Thompson is kicking Anna Nicole Smith out of the house she's been staying in at the Bahamas. Anna was supposed to sign a mortgage to buy the house from him but has refused to do so, playing it off as if the house was a gift. The only reason Anna was given citizenship in the Bahamas was because she established legal residency under the premise she owned a home, but now that Thompson is kicking her out she may have to go back to California where she'll be forced by law to submit to the paternity test filed by photographer Larry Birkhead.
And because this is Anna Nicole Smith the drama doesn't end there. According to sources, she confessed during her pregnancy that Larry Birkhead was the father of her baby. Additionally, late last year she was in a sexual relationship with G. Ben Thompson (the guy kicking her out of the house) and - after finding out about his wealth - told him he was the father of her child. But turns out that's impossible because Thompson had already had a vasectomy.
So what does all of this mean? I have no idea. But a caveman could come riding in on a time machine claiming to be the real father and it'd be the most normal thing to happen in this saga yet.
Oct 24 2006Jayden James Federline is a boy
Well that was the shortest mystery ever. Just hours after speculation over Britney Spears' new baby, a birth certificate was filed at the L.A. County Registrar-Recorder's office today confirming that the baby is indeed a boy but that his name is Jayden James Federline and not Sutton Pierce as previously reported.
And Kevin Earl Federline has about the worst signature I've ever seen. It's not even a signature. It looks more like he's concentrating to just print his name correctly. I'm surprised he was literate enough to write "Father" under his relationship to the child instead of drawing a little picture of a dinosaur.
Oct 24 2006Jake Gyllenhaal shows off his penis
The perverts at the Famous Males forums have some shots of Jake Gyllenhaal showing off his bulge around NYC without any underwear on (and even included zoomed in closeups for maximum perversion). Which sounds pretty good in theory until you realize it's his penis in there and it's only 2mm of cloth away from breaking free. That's number three on my list of worst things that could ever happen, right under "invasion from a horde of ill-spirited space monkeys" and "finding out my dog Buster didn't really leave to go live on a farm."
More of Jake Gyllenhaal going commando after the jump.
Oct 24 2006Britney Spears' baby might not be a boy
Britney Spears still hasn't confirmed the name of her new baby and sources are revealing that it isn't named Sutton Pierce and was never a boy at all.
"That's not the baby's name," one source insists. "It's Jayden James. J.J. for short." Another source insists that the baby isn"t a boy at all - but a girl. The rumors gained traction when Federline appeared on a radio show and refused to answer questions about the baby's name or gender. "Isn't that strange when you hear that, when you have a child and people tell you the sex is a different one," the DJ asked Federline. He replied: "Yeah it's crazy. Well it's even crazier when people are telling me my child's name." Buzz about the baby's sex grew louder after a report that Spears was photographed buying pink baby clothes at Planet Blue in Malibu - but her bodyguard confiscated the film.
Another source is saying they're using the child as a PR stunt like Suri Cruise, and "that they'll release pics closer to the release date of Kevin's new CD." Although I don't understand why somebody doesn't just break into Britney's house and take a peak under the kid's skirt. Since when have "laws" ever stood in the way of the human spirit? That's just loser talk.
Oct 23 2006Criss Angel might be a sexual predator
Criss Angel was spotted all over Paris in Vegas over the weekend while she was in town for her best friend Kim Kardashian's 26th birthday. You should seriously reexamine your look if you're in a picture with Paris Hilton and she isn't the center of ridicule. There's a fine line between looking creepily mysterious and looking like the guy in the trenchcoat who's always hanging around the elementary school playground. I'm not saying which Criss is, but I wouldn't be surprised if he showed up on Dateline pretending he's never heard of MySpace.
More of Criss Angel wishing Paris Hilton was even younger after the jump.
NOTE: We've secretly replaced Criss Angel's ear with a giant tumor. Let's see if he notices.
Oct 23 2006Kate Moss is pregnant
Kate Moss is reportedly pregnant with Pete Doherty's bastard child. A gardener tells the Sunday Mirror:
"I have spoken to Pete twice about the baby and he has confirmed that Kate is pregnant. They are both delighted and Pete sounded really excited."
It doesn't make much sense why a gardener is holding the secrets to Pete Doherty's private life, but if this is true it means Kate Moss might finally come to her senses. She's notorious for making poor decisions, but when her baby comes out and is a burrowing mammal she might finally realize what a mess she's made of her life. Although I didn't even think Pete Doherty was capable of reproducing. The toxic waste that mutated his face should've made him sterile for sure.
EDIT: I don't read very carefully. Turns out the gardener is Pete Doherty's uncle. Way to support your family there, Pete.
Oct 23 2006Madonna kidnaps babies
The father of Madonna's newly adopted boy is claiming he never meant for her to have permanent custody of his son.
"If we were told she wants to take the baby as her own, we would not have consented, because I see no reason why I should give up my son," said Yohane Banda, father of the 13-month-old, David Banda. "I am just now realizing the meaning of 'adoption,' " said Banda, adding that he had expected Madonna to raise David for him but not keep him as her own. Banda - an illiterate farmer in Malawi who previously had defended Madonna from criticism for the adoption - now says he did not understand the papers he signed that gave away his parental rights.
This thing just keeps getting better and better. Not only did Madonna choose a baby that still has a father, but she had to trick him into handing over custody. She's about the worst person at charity as humanly possible. When she visited Malawi they should be thankful she didn't seduce the president and talk him into signing over the country. Because you know she's the kind of woman that gives buttons to homeless people pretending they're quarters, and then grabs all their money while her hand is in the cup.
Oct 23 2006Nicole Richie flashes her panties
Nicole Richie was spotted at Arena nightclub flashing her panties and letting strange men in hats try to rub their crotch against her hand. Which sounds like a good idea in theory, but so does tying a leash around your mailbox and introducing everybody to your new pet Maily the Mailbox.
I'm so lonely.
Oct 23 2006Nick Carter says Paris Hilton is a drug smuggler
Earlier this month Paris Hilton was photographed with a bag of cannabis in her purse although her publicist maintains it was just tobacco. But now Nick Carter has come out and is claiming Paris is addicted to marijuana and even stuffs it in her teddy bear when she travels overseas. He says:
"She relied heavily on drugs and drink to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform. I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out. If she was going overseas she'd cut a hole in her teddy and stuff it with cannabis. She had to have her own private stash with her at all times regardless of the consequences."
What kind of performance is Nick Carter looking for? It's not like he was dating Matthew McConaughey. As long as the woman is alive and has a vagina everything's pretty much okay.
