Sep 13 2006Simon Cowell can't afford toothpaste
Simon Cowell - the mean guy on American Idol - had to borrow cash from his driver/bodyguard after his American Express Black card wouldn't work while he was trying to buy some toothpaste and shampoo at a Miami Beach drugstore Monday.
A witness reports the Brit became annoyed, as did the line of shoppers behind him. Cowell, embarrassed but determined, dashed out to his waiting driver/bodyguard and returned with a wad of cash. A rep for Cowell confirmed the machine was unable to read his card, but denied Cowell made a scene: "The only productions Simon puts on are on TV."
The real question here is why Simon Cowell is using an American Express Centurion Card to buy something as trivial as shampoo. You wanna know why the card wouldn't work? Because it spits on anything worth less than $10,000. I was walking down the street once and a Centurion Card showed up and pushed me down the stairs because my watch wasn't expensive enough. True story.
Reader Comments
1. Giggles - September 13, 2006 7:09 AM
Who? And why do we care?
2. JoannieBalonie - September 13, 2006 7:09 AM
I thought the British didn't brush?
3. garbagepailkid - September 13, 2006 7:13 AM
yawn yawn yawn...
4. dupababy - September 13, 2006 7:15 AM
who is this loser and why the hell are we talking about his dental hygeine?
actually, i think the amex was being used for more than toothpaste.. i bet he was in the drugstore for some meds for poor paula.. didn't quaaludes just make a comeback specifically for her???
5. bigponie - September 13, 2006 7:15 AM
this is a prime example of what a fuctard does, he goes and borrows money from the lowly driver when he could have easily bought the whole fucking store.
6. RichPort - September 13, 2006 7:29 AM
All new Idol contestants should be required to show up with various dental hygiene products when auditioning, but I fear toothpaste may just scare the teeth out of his mouth.
7. Binky - September 13, 2006 7:33 AM
The Brit's really becoming Americanized if he's starting to buy toothpaste. And Shampoo !?
Yeah right.
I just don't find this story very believable.
8. Angry Ferret Jones - September 13, 2006 7:33 AM
Why do I think that's not the first time Simon has 'choked' Ryan Seacrest?
Seacrest - out! (of his fucking mind.)
9. enfilade - September 13, 2006 7:34 AM
Well thank god, that we know his breath will be minty fresh.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com/
10. DiabetesExplosion - September 13, 2006 7:37 AM
Awww, look, it's the human version of Bert and Ernie. Both bathe together, enjoy hands up their asses, and well, have no genetalia.
11. RichPort - September 13, 2006 7:38 AM
*8 - Ha Ha Ha You watch American Idol.
LOSER
12. CelebSlam.com - September 13, 2006 7:41 AM
So you can buy small island-nations with that card but not toothpaste?
http://www.celebslam.com
13. jane's eyre - September 13, 2006 7:43 AM
I'm waiting for the part of the story where Lindsay or Paris come in....where is it?
14. Angry Ferret Jones - September 13, 2006 7:48 AM
11 - I have to watch something while your mom is blowing me. Otherwise I have to just sit there and leaf through your old yearbooks.
What's that? 1997, voted Most Likely To Fuck Off? Outstanding, good for you, Scooter.
15. RichPort - September 13, 2006 8:19 AM
#14 - Ferret, please feel free to thank Dirtbag damnYELL for comment #11. She is trolling jrzmommy and I today, and she's trying to stir shit up. Apparently it was a light day in Trinity college's cafeteria today.
16. Angry Ferret Jones - September 13, 2006 8:23 AM
I should have figured as much. She doesn't watch American Idol because she can't afford a TV. Circuit City doesn't take food stamps.
17. jrzmommy - September 13, 2006 8:52 AM
I hope he chokes on his own gingivitis spit and keels.
18. Rob Poitras - September 13, 2006 8:56 AM
You would think he would buy his shampoo from a salon and not some crap from a drugstore.
19. TrannyGranny - September 13, 2006 8:57 AM
Why does this story use the words
"WITNESSes report..." Guy is buying toothpaste, you don't "witness" someone buying toothpaste.
What was that? Oh, he's British? OH!
Can I get a Witness, Puh-lease, Negro!!!
20. edb87 - September 13, 2006 9:05 AM
Wow. No wonder everyone stays away from Simon when the show's on. Are we sure he didn't get Paula any meds?
http://www.edquartersaudio.com
21. HolisticWisdomcom - September 13, 2006 10:02 AM
Simon seems like a pompous joke, but who carries cash any more? No biggie, happens to the best of us... boring!
22. andrewthezeppo - September 13, 2006 10:17 AM
since when can the British have AMERICAN express cards? Shouldn't they just have like a fish and chips of the month card or something?
23. Jacq - September 13, 2006 11:33 AM
Is SF guy sure that it wasn't Simon who pushed him down the stairs? He's an asshole, I mean, look how he ruined Paula Abdul...
#22 - Good point, they haven't yet figured out how to tame the teeth on the British Express Card.
24. Jacq - September 13, 2006 11:36 AM
#19 - That's what I'm going to start screaming any time that anything crazy happens - CAN I GET A WITNESS?! Unfortunately, if your witness is 80+ years old...
I imagine that it will probably work best if I add the Negro, Puh-lease!
25. shell - September 13, 2006 11:41 AM
Hmmmm...whenever the machine can't read my card it's because I'm over the limit or didn't pay my bill.
26. SoupaSarah - September 14, 2006 2:01 AM
No, Simon hasnt become "too Americanised" yet, i mean come on, to be American you have to weigh at least 30 stone?
27. Binky - September 14, 2006 7:03 AM
...hummm..you've got a point there...
28. Fewdfreak - September 15, 2006 7:31 AM
I wasn't aware people actually brushed their veneers. Oh, wait, perhaps he was running some errands for Ryan Seacrest.
29. HollywoodSnark - April 11, 2007 1:18 PM
well, he is british...right? not a big priority for him