Sep 8 2006Paris Hilton hooks up with Travis Barker

And they say that blondes have more fun ...

A superstrain of herpes and hepatitis was born that night at Pure.

I hereby name it herpetitis.

Ew. So is she not still with that greased pig Brandon Davis?

I wonder if their stick figures rubbing together will start up a dry-hump-induced fire.

They have premiers for straight-to-DVD movies?

One more Hollywood start with herpes...

http://www.celebslam.com

At least they'll keep their STD's quaranteened.

#4 - My thoughts exactly. What, did they all get together at Blockbuster and give away condoms and Herpicide with every rental?

Whats surprising is HOW THE HELL DOES HE GET THESE WOMEN? First one blonde then the next. granted paris is a whore and gives it up to anyone, but for real. travis... i thought he knew better than to go around helping spread stds

#2, I'm rollin'. Herpetitis. That shit is funny.

Call me crazy, but I think Paris actually looks a little better with dark hair.

But yeah, what Paris needs after a DUI arrest is a scuzzy fling with a heavily tattooed guy in the middle of an acrimonious divorce with his ex-Playmate wife. That's healthy.

I used to think Nip/Tuck was over the top, but now I'm not sure which is reality and which is fiction, TV or the effed up real lives of Paris, Lindsay, Nicole and Britney. Is all the fame and money getting to them? They can have the fame, but I'll take the money off their hands. Cause I'm a giver.

I love the Jesus Saves shirt with the body ink and hat, nice ensemble... listen it doesn't matter how loud you T-shirt announces that you are a religious nut, Jesus isn't going to save you from STDs!

http://www.holisticwisdom.com

Herpes is too afraid to invade that disgusting pile of carbon.

Is he even HUMAN, or some bizarre scientific experiment on how genetically far you can take complete chinlessness?

Yeah, real inconspicuous...Paris in a dark haired wig. So basically she went from looking like a 2 dollar whore to looking like 2 dollar whore with a bad wig on.

So is Bottom's up the sequel to One Night in Paris?

So, is it safe to assume she isn't celebate any longer?

I sort of like Travis Barker but this scenario made me twitch. Bleah. Just bleah...

well, the cops probably took her license, so she needs someone to drive her around to all the party's. she'll have someone new next week.

#8 - I totally agree. How the hell does Captain Ink get all the chicks?

So much for Paris' abstinence pledge. Whore.

http://www.edquartersaudio.com

Wow. From one vacuous blonde bimbo who frankly does nothing for a living and was made famous for doing porn to another... Way to go Travis. Not that he's gotta type or anything.

Look at her 'in disguise' waving to the cameras. Did anyone ever explain to her that when your whole life is on tv and you wanna cheat on you ugly boyfriend (who you are not having sex with cos you took a vow of celebacy) with an even uglier scuzzy man like this you may need more than a brunette wig? So I guess this makes it 3 men she's slept with or does it not count if you act like a whore?

can you just imagine the skank baby that could come out of this crabfestastical relationship? a tattoed newborn with a wonkie eye and a serious case of crotch crickets?
looking at these two together is a proverbial visual orgasm.. they like totally MATCH..

can you just imagine the skank baby that could come out of this crabfestastical relationship? a tattoed newborn with a wonkie eye and a serious case of crotch crickets?
looking at these two together is a proverbial visual orgasm.. they like totally MATCH..

Ah, the answer to why the universal bacteria count tripled in the last week.

Paris Hilton - the only celeb I know who works her publicist so hard, he gets as much ink as she does. If that's him in the second photo, every penny spent on all that cosmetic surgery is well-earned.

Well, I can certainly see why the teenies love Travis. Not only does he enjoy collecting various STDs from the world's most disgusting women, the first picture seems to show him with glowing demon eyes, and something white in his mouth that may possibly be an egg.

Perhaps he's a magician. Or more likely, a lizard. It would explain the tattoos; they're actually /scales/.

Call the CDC!!! Call the CDC!!!

The miniscule amount of respect I had for Travis died with his impending genital failure. Much like "The Stars", he is apparently blind too.

Well, I didn't see in those pictures where his penis was inside her vagina, unless he just has a really small penis and I would need some kind of fancy newfangled computer program to defrag the picture and break down the pixels in the mainframe gigawatts ram.
Besides, wasn't he supposed to be married to some fat blonde bitch?

This is really getting gross. I used to like Barker, until he dumped his punky fiancee whom he'd been with for years, for that playmate he married...then after I was forced to watch Meet the Barkers, I actually started to like the chick, then he goes and dumps her and goes for Paris? Are you kidding? I think at this point guys are just fucking Paris cuz they know she'll let them. I'm sure they get the fuck out of there as soon as they bust their nut.

I know who Travis Barker is, but who the fuck is Paris Hilton?

How dare she!!!!!!! Ewwwwwww, Travis Barker! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, ewwwwwwwwwwwww, ewwwwwwwwww, ewwwwww, ewwwww! I think that Brandon Davis is hotter, and at least richer, and doesn't have kids or an eating disorder. Travis Barker SHOULD be doing Nicole Richie, but that would make her feel fat.

thank you the superficial for telling it how it is, i have recently left perezhilton for being stuck up her cake hole....well at least we can anser her own question, what am i for? She is for fucking...He is still married too so that makes her a husband fucker and I am sure it isnot the first...

She truly is the blonde icon for our era.
She barely beat out Tara Reid for it.

Great. She's taking a page out of BRITNEY SPEARS' book. When the scandal hits, go brunette. What an original idea.

Wow...that's some lazy eye. So much for not having sex anymore ... psh!

wow, that's disgusting. well i guess it makes sense, because they're both hideous.
Eliot Mintz is a fucking retard. "I know what we'll do, we'll put you in a wig so we can have you disguised as you go about being a dirty whore all the while protecting your annonimity since we swore chastity to the world to make you look like less of a dirty whore!" (look at her lazy eye, oh my fucking god!) Is there a dumber and less capable publicist out there? I mean, the harder they try to make her look good, the worse things go... I guess no one else was stupid enough to want to represent paris hilton.

I love that Colin Farrel is called "the man" for living a similar slutty lifestyle.

And by "love that" I mean "puke when"

@22 Oshie

I have all the 'Ram' you will ever need.

hopeless

@24...Big Jim, Big Jim....how quickly you forget ~ that wild, wonky-eyed, living bag of infestation!

Does he consider this to be a good career move? What is his target audience now -- the clinic crowd?

Just finished reading the McConaughey/Cruz thread. Funniest shit I ever read. I thought I had seen it all. I was wrong.

#25 I totally disagree. Travis Barker is defintitely a step up from "Fat Elvis" Brandon Davis. That greaseball is rude and disgusting...I don't care how much money he's got.

I think Barker is hot, but then I like my guys lean and wiry. Not a fan of big, blubbery, slippery slobs. Eeeeeewwww.

Can we please stop using the phrase "hoooked up?"

Paris Hilton actually claims that she didn't make out with Travis Barker, she made out with his friend Alex who I believe is the guy in the white t-shirt (I could be wrong)...

Apparently, she grinded and whatnot on the poor man's Travis Barker:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/14626175/
(Scroll down)

all the signs are pointing towards an unparalelled downward spiral... i cannot wait to see how she dies. It's coming soon, I can feel it in my fallopian tubes.

If any of you have been following the Sarah-Jean story, then you are going to love this.

Fresh off the presses.

She is going to try to sue me.

That's right. Sue me. Is that not awesome. Here is an E-mail that she sent to Spankcheeks, because I'm using a picture of her parents as my avatar.

********************************
I've been out of town, so I just got a hold of this. What do you want me to do? This guy can't legally sue you for making fun of someone, can he? Because I'm fucked if any celebs read my site. Anyway, what do I do?

xoxo

spanks

Note: forwarded message attached.
From: Private Account
Reply To: Private@marysremnant.org
To: spankcheeks@yahoo.com
Subject: Urgent: A problem with your comment section
Sent: Friday, September 8, 2006 6:05 PM
Peace,

Please forgive me, but I honestly don't know what else to do at the moment. A fellow who has been torturing my daughter-in-law has taken photos from her blog of my husband and I, and is using it as his avatar. He has just posted the following in the comments of one of your posts:

--------------------------------

http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=29523138&postID=115771956511801332&isPopup=true

cock-ninja said...
Hey everyone. Miss ya all

I've been at the Fish tearing a new asshole into my good friend Sara 'Vitelli' Ballard.

Before she shut her web-site down I was able to copy a picture of her parents. I'm posting it here for those who didn't see.

Sorry if this is confusing. Need to read the cruz/mcconaughey post at the fish to understand.

6:54 PM

cock-ninja said...
Her dad is the "Wizard Of Oz" I sware to God.

ninj

6:55 PM

--------------------------------------

He's also terrorized my daughter-in-law with emails, and left false cut/pastes of a sexual nature regarding us on another web site, whose hosts I have contacted by phone, and whose legal department I have contacted by email.

Please, could I ask you to remove the comment that contain my daughter in law's name "Sarah Vitelli Ballard," and the picture of my husband and I, from your comments? I know that you didn't put them there, but I'd be very grateful if you could moderate those for me.

I don't want to cause trouble for anyone else, but we're determined to make this fellow leave us alone, even if I'm forced to take legal measures against him. We've done absolutely nothing to him.

Thank you for your time and trouble.
Doris Ballard
Berwick, ME
****************************

Well, Doris Ballard

Bring it on Beeeeeooootch!!

I'm shitting my pants!!!!

Hopeless

P.s Do any of you know any good lawyers?

Human Garbage

Parasite and Nasty Travis are perfect for each other. If they are screwing each other, then at least they aren't out there spreading their crud to others. Maybe we can get the CDC to quarantine them and do research and testing to help find cures for herpes, and keep the super-STDs from spreading to the rest of the world. Then when they have outlived their usefulness to the government, then they can have then quietly euthanized, and donate their money to good causes. It's the humane thing to do, really. Can you all imagine a world without Parasite Herpes Hilton? I can, and that is a PERFECT WORLD!

Travis Barker, you've disappointed me :(

Holy crap, Doris is on the rampage!

Hey, Doris, I like my ass kissed riiiigghhhtt about here. No, no honey, a little to the left. Mmmmmmm, that's the spot.

Goddamn it, I am a fucking web ninja, bitch.

Ballard, Douglas Jr & Doris
226 Blackberry Hill Rd
Berwick, ME 03901-2710
(207) 384-9901

Too bad for him her names not vegas, because what happens in paris spreads like the plague.
If his dik wasn't tattooed before, it is now and forget lasers, that stank is permanent.

@40 - Hopeless

I'm not a lawyer, but if some of the legal shit I've read here is any indication, Sarah-Jean's parents/parents-in-law certainly have some sort of right to privacy (remember the Jennifer Aniston topless photos case a few days ago? Seemed her argument was that the photographer used invasionary tactics to get the shots). Also, if you're using a photograph that you do not own, it certainly seems less than legal.

What was in your post above didn't sound exactly like S-J was planning on suing you for sure. The relatives just want you to stop using their photo. After all, they did nothing to you. They are not celebutards, holding themselves out for publicity, promoting movies or cds which will earn them money. They're not public figures who can (and should) rightly be satirized (and I think satire falls under free speech doctrine). They're just people. Let it go, man. It'd be different if they were your relatives who needed a good thrashing on the web, but even my sister and I use pseudonyms on our site.

-suzy, not really meaning to be bitchy this time

Hey Suzy Q

If there was ever any action to be taken for the photos, it would be against Sarah. She is the source for their release in to the public domain. The same way Superficial isn't lible for the photos they find on the web.

Also, Angry Ferret (who has issues!) can't catch heat for publishing info that is available in the public domain (phone, address, etc.)

Ciao!

OMG! He goes from Shanna Moakler to this? Aren't you suppose to trade up when you get divorced? Obviously Travis didn't get the memo. Either that or he's into sticking his winky in HAZMAT containers.

ya id still do travis barker any day, whatever man. but all i know right now is im drunk and OSU is kickin' Texas' assss whaddup bucksss!

also what is this sarah jean deal i am confused.

Umm, #49? That chick he was married to before was a fat cow. He was probably smooshed by her. And she also lived a Paris Hilton like lifestyle. Except she did less, and had far less right to party. Because her reality show was boring.

#25, yeah I can see what you mean, but Travis Barker isn't Paris's type. You know? I just hate imagining them together.

Jenny, You must be as stupid as they come.
Travis' ex wife was a playboy model, do you think Hugh Hefner would let a tub of lard (like yourself) pose for his magazine.
No.

How ironic that Parasite Hilton hangs out at a nightclub called "Pure". That's like Tara Reid hanging out someplace called "Sober". Or "Smart".
And why the fuck does she always have a wonky eye? Is that what happens when you constantly wear (coloured) contact lenses?

People who don't want to be publicly ridiculed for their ugly lives should not plast their pathetic shit all over the internet. If this cuntrag knew at all what this site was about then she should not have allowed her site to be accessed by the people such as myself to check her shit out & chastise her for being a self-absorbed, beastiality-loving shitlicker.

Yes, Jennifer Aniston sued the people who went to extreme measures, for some bizarre reason, to take nudey shots of her, but those pictures were also plastered all over this site and many others when they came out... you can't sue everybody. but you can sue the people who took the pictures. So I say SUE SARAH BALLARD! And her rotten family.

You people are so mean. You don't know how much you've upset my family. Please let this, the Lords day, be a day of repent for all of you. God help you.

#52 - Yeah, Travis' wife was fat...IT'S CALLED PREGNANCY!!!

The railroading of Sarah-Jean has to be one of the most heinously hilarious threads I have read in some time. I can just picture her family gathered around her bed as she cries desperately into her lilac-scented Hello Kitty pillow, calling their pastor seeking legal and spiritual advice. As biatcho said, you'd have to be a fucking moron to link your blog to a forum such as this, and expect not to get a long hard ass-reaming. Thankfully, all blue laws have been recinded in my area, so the chihuahua fucker is fair game even today. Hopeless, Ferret, and Jrz, you really should consider taking this show on the road. Classic material, I just wish she would have fought back a little harder (or at all). What the hell is a good Christian girl doing at a house of debauchery such as this anyway? And on the Lord's day no less... she should contact damnYELL and they can cry on each other's shoulders, as long as she promises not to make any Black jokes. But she'll need to hurry; visiting hours at the zoo are almost up for today.

jailbird and drummer. it could work.

I have paris but i do have to say she doent look half bad w/ dark hair.

But #53, how famous is she? Paris Hilton is our blonde icon of the day that the tabloids love. Everyone knows who Paris is, what she does everyday, and so on. Paris is the most famous woman on earth, maybe tied with Lindsay. Anyways, I wish him and his wife would get back together and raise their unfamous kids, or at least keep themselves away from Paris. Poor Paris, fucking commoners now.

I just love that when Travis posted that immature rant on MySpace everyone was defending him and slamming Shanna. That he went on and on about her being a bad mom and out all night...

According to this Travis was out at Pure, then Speramint Rhino, making out with an STD petri dish... where are his beloved kiddies? Lemme guess, home with the nanny. It just so easy to put others down for behaving just as you do.

I just love that when Travis posted that immature rant on MySpace everyone was defending him and slamming Shanna. That he went on and on about her being a bad mom and out all night...

According to this Travis was out at Pure, then Speramint Rhino, making out with an STD petri dish... where are his beloved kiddies? Lemme guess, home with the nanny. It just so easy to put others down for behaving just as you do.

her lazy eye really pisses me off. every single picture i see she has that one fucked up eye, she has money isnt there some kind of surgery to fix that? its so freakish looking.

Travis Barker? That is one Gumbi looking mother fucker.... If Gumbi was covered in ink and chocked full of piercings... What is his neck like 28 inches long?

56 - I shat myself laughing. What is your plan, to give us your testimony and convert us to your cult/religion?

Grow up and get off the internet if you can't hack it...

travis barker always disappoints... i'm not surprised

Test.

Please read my link.

*sigh*
Sarah-Jean, you asked for it when you linked your blog to this website. I assume that you've read this website enough to get the gist of the type of bantering/fighting that goes on here. So when you came on here acting like you're Miss Superior, you really asked for it. You couldn't have made a more open invitation to get reamed if you were bent over with your pants pulled down and had a freakin' flashing neon arrow pointed at your butt. If you're going to link a blog, you better make sure it's pretty damn spectacular. Not about your chihuahua.(?!!) However, I agree that certain persons went too far by emailing you, your family and friends. That's just crossing the line there, IMO. But you should have just left if you didn't like what was going on here. Now you're trying to scare people over the internet with linking to a website about internet harrassment? Please, Sarah-Jean, you're digging yourself in even further. I have nothing against you except for your self-righteous indignation and bull-dog tenacity to keep this stupid crap going. No one cares about you anymore. Get over it, you're last week's news. This is the Superficial, after all.

The only thing these two are missing are the flea collars. I am not hating, but I can't even laugh at this story. One walking STD meets another.

As sad as it may sound maybe these two will find peace with one another. F*ck, yea right.

Shaun

#68 - Thanks for the informative link. I was having a bout of insomnia and that helped clear it right up. Just to be clear, if I 'accidentally' email you 'suggestions' on how best to fuck yourself, that's okay, as long as I don't show up on your doorstep with a step-by-step guide, right? I need to know before I buy my bus ticket. Best regards.

Paris and Travis....It's like the waters of a Cess Pool meets the waters of a Kiddie Pool.

Oh, since we're addressing the Sara Jean issue on this link, I'll just cut and paste my response from the John Revolta in Drag link....hold on.

just read Sara Jean the Lilac Queen's link. I love people who plaster thier lives, inner-thoughts and beliefs for the world to see, even provide a link into it WHILE they ridicule us for exercising OUR freedom of speech by bashing mirror kissing celebrities, and then cry like a bitch when they get made fun of. She's just pissed because she got speared by her own stingray...to keep it current. People who live in glass houses, ever hear of that, oh enlightened one?

Stalking. HA! This chick lives in a fantasy world. She wants to be a celebrity so badly that she now considers what amounts to getting her ass handed to her in a thread war stalking. Mmm hmmm, and all those cars ahead of me on the road this morning were my diplomatic escorts!! yep. Because I'm so fucking important. At least I am when I'm delusional.

Oh, and, can we consider it harassment since Sara Jean the Lilac Queen has made it a point to come back to this site and invite us to read her link AGAIN???

This scumbag has evidently a soft spot for worthless drunk sluts.

oops, missed this, too....#56
"You people are so mean. You don't know how much you've upset my family. Please let this, the Lords day, be a day of repent for all of you. God help you."

Fuck you, you bible-thumping fucking hypocrit.

That eye is like the Tell Tale Heart eye.

Whoa....anna nicole smith's son died in the Bahamas three days after she delivered her new baby. geez.

This Sara Jean stuff is so f'n funny. What a moron for posting so much stupid personal stuff on the internet!

How gross is the thought of Travis Barker and Paris Hilton getting it on? That is so nasty.

my only hope is that she is pregnant and gives birth to the worlds first negative-intelligence baby. Which of course will die soon after because it forgot to breathe.

Damnit Sarah Jean. What is it going to take to get you out of our backyard? You little psychotic attention-mongering whore.

You know you love the attention that we give you. You never got it growing up in New England with that pair of blanched-out WASP parents of yours. And you obviously aren't getting it from Damien, or Darien, or whatever the fuck your husband's name is.

I have a long week ahead of me in which I can either focus on hassling random celebrities, or focus on berating some east coast dimwit who should have her internet connection turned off. It is up to you which path I choose.

So, seriously, stay the hell out of here. I am the god of all hellfire, and seeing as how I have neither a conscience, nor a positive emotion in my body, I would have no problem making you my special little project on the internet. I didn't get enough hugs growing up, and I am a bit displeased about that.

Also, do the world a favor, and remove every webpage in existance that has any reference to you, your family, your wedding, your husband Darius (or Dakken, or Dilkin - what the FUCK is his goddamn name?), your little dog Skippy, or anything that may even remind the world about you. You can't hang with the big dogs, you little bitch, so stay on the porch and off of the web.

You one-woman freakshow, take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-psychologist, because if you are so stupid to confront this collection of highly-intelligent psychotics, then you've just gotta go ahead and change the captain of your brainship, because he's drunk at the wheel.

So, just to re-cap, here is a list of things that I care as little about as you, your family, and this conversation. Let's see... low carb diets, Michael Moore, the Republican National Convention, Kabbalah & all Kabbalah-related products, Hi-Def TV, the Bush daughters, wireless hotspots, the OC, the UN, recycling, getting Punk'd, Danny Gans, the Latin Grammys, the real Grammys, Jeff that Wiggle that sleeps too darn much, the Yankees payroll, all the red states, all the blue states, every hybrid car, every talk show, everything on the planet, everything in the solar system, everything, everything, everything, everything, everything, everythingj every-everything that exists past present & future, in discovered and undiscovered dimensions!

PS - don't throw your religous crap my way. The Lord and I haven't been on speaking terms for quite a while, so he won't be much help to you this time.

Give Doris and Doug my best. Also, tell Skippy I hope he gets that peanut butter smell off of his collar.

Goddamn it, I hate stupid people.

TCLTC

And to think I used to like that wonkie eyed whore! Of all people Travis Barker? Yuck! Lets see....If I was a celeb who would I get my STD's from?

Please leave brunette to the girls who can handle it a bit more responsibly...

@81- Angry Ferret, great rant!

Now that you got that out of your system, can we downgrade you to 'Mad' Ferret Jones or maybe 'Unhappy' Ferret Jones?

Maybe I should hold off on my postings until after I have had a cup of joe, and rubbed the sleepies from my eyes.

I saw them making out at her cd release party here in vegas. I thought it was gross, and lost soo much respect for Travis.

hee hee hee. Like the new disease.

I can't get the voice of Elmer Fudd out of my head saying, "quawantined for herpetitis. no one may weave the pwemises". :)

You people are so mean. You don't know how much you've upset my family. Please let this, the Lords day, be a day of repent for all of you. God help you.-SJB

BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA OMG! I MEAN, REALLY, all of you are my heroes.... I cant believe that shit. AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH i love it.

Borderline Personality Bitch, here's something I have learned:

People with BPD will engage in frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment making sure to swipe double the amount of peanut butter to the pussy in order to keep the chihuahua in place.

BPD patients may also have uncertainties about their identity or self-image. They tend to see things in terms of extremes, often percieved as white trash mongoloids. Such people also typically view themselves as victims of circumstance and take little responsibility for themselves or their problems.

Other symptoms include:

Frequent displays of inappropriate anger towards disengaged people of the opposite sex
Recurrent acts of crisis such as wrist cutting, overdosing, or self-mutilation
Feelings of emptiness and boredom due to little or no sex life
Intolerance of being alone for five minutes.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from these conditions please visit:

my thanks to: Angry Ferret, I LOVE you...

#87 - That may well be the fucking funniest comment I read all day. I keep wepeating in to myself...

Holy shit, Ferret! Nicely done. Gramatically correct and the whole bit. Unfortunately, the gist of your diatribe may be lost in the void between SJ's ears. Still, it's great to read the unrestrained rantings of people who understand that there really are retards in the world who need to be set straight.

OMG, the LORD'S DAY?!!???? What the FUCK? I know very little of what is going on between everyone else and this Sarah-Jean character, but I sure do hate religious asshats, especially ones who link to a piece about "cyber-stalking", and who feel the need to make 10 billion blogs about every little thing they do during their lame ass, boring day. Keep your Jesus bullshit to yourself, ok? NOBODY wants to hear that crap, especially when it's used in the most sanctimonious, holier-than-thou way. And I'm DYING reading the comments about this bitch, you all have outdone yourselves this time...and I thought the Edna, MeaganHarris, and Sherry-Co feuds were awesome, but this is WAAAAY better. It's like Christmas and my birthday all rolled into one big, bitchy ball!

Where is the picture of them together? I mean in the same photo not 2 photos next to each other?

81 - You made my day a little brighter.... Thank you. :)

anyone who thinks paris is hot has got be extremely mentally retarded. I had a friend who thought she was hot and i tried to see what it was he saw but couldnt get past her freakish eye thats 50% smaller than the other.. *shudders* bleargh...

is that bob barker's son?

Las Vegas Headlining Impressionist Larry G Jones - The Man of 1002 Voices and Vegas Comedian Joe Trammel teamed up to fight and raise money and awareness for drunk driving. Joe stayed in a 'jail' ( next to the casino Larry headlines in ) for all of Paris' jail term out in the Las Vegas 110 heat.

See the VVVVVVVVideos of Joe as Paris Hilton in his cell on you tube.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=6yOjYN0QZ5Y