September 21, 2006
Paris Hilton admits her stupidity
IMAGE REMOVED
Paris Hilton was questioned by the LAPD during the investigation into the home-invasion robbery of Girls Gone Wild producer Joe Francis (in which he was tied up, had his pants pulled down, was taunted by a dildo, and forced to admit on tape that he enjoyed gay sex) and in the audio tape admits she's not very bright:
"Like I really ... I don't remember. I'm not like that smart," Hilton said in police audio tapes set to air on "Dateline NBC" on Saturday night. LAPD Detective Steve Koman and Deputy DA Hoon Chun were asking Hilton to remember what she told Francis at a party shortly after the "Girls" mastermind was victimized on Jan. 24, 2004. Francis passed on Paris' information to cops, who eventually busted Darnell Riley. But when investigators pressed Hilton to recall her talk with Francis, she didn't remember much, The Post's David K. Li reports. "I like forget stuff all the time," she said.
Hilton also told the cops about "private tapes" that were stolen from her home and that a mysterious caller wanted money for them.
"They ... wanted money. They were tryin' to sell it to like a newspaper or something," said Hilton, who balked at paying - and chalked it up to advice from dear old Dad. "So if you pay somebody, then you're gonna be paying for the rest of your life," Hilton said. "My dad always taught me. They'll keep the tape anyway."
There's too much going on here. Joe Francis admitting he's gay and almost getting sodomized. Paris Hilton admitting she's mentally handicapped. Maybe if I throw in these pictures of her pumping gas your brain will explode from an overdose of pleasure. And then, my friends, my mission in life will be complete. For I am Exploderhead: the exploder of heads.
Previous Entries
» Beyonce Knowles has multiple personality disorder» Michael Jackson goes out of his mind Lucky Charms style
» Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake almost murdered
» Joe Simpson likes to photograph his daughters
» Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock finally have sex
Comments
1. Posted by DiabetesExplosion on September 21, 2006 8:22 AM
First! Orgasm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2. Posted by DiabetesExplosion on September 21, 2006 8:23 AM
Mmmmmm, that was creamy.
3. Posted by dupababy on September 21, 2006 8:25 AM
and then like i stuck this gas nozzle up my ass because i'm like not very smart and all and then like my dad lit his cigar and we like all blew up and then like there was my shit from my ass flying all over the place and i'm like, maybe someone should call the police but i forgot the number.. and then um some guy came up and offered to like sell me the tape and i was like no way cause my dad taught me not to and then he said wanna blow me and i was like that's so hot and all and then i can't remember but i think i may have given him a disease or something..
4. Posted by bigponie on September 21, 2006 8:27 AM
I'm surprised she stuck the pump in the car rather than her poosey.
5. Posted by Wampoon.com on September 21, 2006 8:28 AM
Make her go away =(
http://www.wampoon.com
6. Posted by Giggles on September 21, 2006 8:30 AM
Right, right.....she knows what she's doing. She plays dumb when she wants to. It's all an act. And why would anyone steal Paris Hilton's tapes? Don't we already know everything we need to know about her?
7. Posted by jrzmommy on September 21, 2006 8:30 AM
Oh to have been there with a lit match.......
8. Posted by Do Freebird on September 21, 2006 8:31 AM
In Jersey we just say "young, dumb and full of cum". Maybe they can add that to the HIlton family crest.
Not first and doesn't give a fuck.
9. Posted by commissioner on September 21, 2006 8:34 AM
I always pump my own gas while wearing an eleven hundred dollar dress and six hundred dollar shoes. Nothing like smelling like unleaded instead of Chanel.
She is the epitome of stoooooopid.
10. Posted by Brain Embolism on September 21, 2006 8:35 AM
Is it Ex-ploderhead or Ess-ploderhead?
Nice outfit to pump gas in! Is it off the rack?
P.S. Beatcha Ferret. Ha! Ha!
11. Posted by christieb on September 21, 2006 8:38 AM
She's stupid?!?!? Say it ain't so ....
12. Posted by Angry Ferret Jones on September 21, 2006 8:38 AM
Crap, fuckity poo.
I would love to pump her gas. Get it?
ahhh, I got nuthin'.....
13. Posted by Brain Embolism on September 21, 2006 8:39 AM
9- commissioner, you beat me by that much!
14. Posted by RichPort on September 21, 2006 8:45 AM
By "forget stuff all the time", she means the proper recommended dosage of Valtrex and wearing underwear, right?
15. Posted by Madrid Marriott on September 21, 2006 8:51 AM
This was all pretty innocuous until she started demonstrating her handjob technique on the gas pump in the last picture.
16. Posted by sharkbite on September 21, 2006 8:51 AM
What breaking news!
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
17. Posted by ScottInFlorida on September 21, 2006 8:53 AM
Riiiiiiggggggtttttt.
The illusion is almost complete. Paris will finally turn into Dr. No and kill James Bond and Nichole Ritchie and Jessica Simpson, and Jessica's creepy dad and Lindsey Lohan and all those midgets in the Burger King commercial.
18. Posted by BigJim on September 21, 2006 8:56 AM
I guess she also, like, forgot that you're not supposed to yap on a cell phone while pumping gas or it might ignite the fumes.
Actually, I'd pay money to see that shit. Then she'd have a burning sensation in places other than her nasty ol' coochie.
Please tell me this is an old photo, cuz that bitch should have had her license revoked when she got busted for DUI.
19. Posted by jane's eyre on September 21, 2006 8:59 AM
You know, they warn you about the danger of the gasoline vapors igniting while using a cell phone. Why couldn't this be the moment when it actually DID happen? Why Fate, do you taunt us?
Maybe next time she and her friends will have a gasoline fight while "Wake Me Up Before You Go" plays in the background, and one of them will light a cigarette and they will be instantaneously incinerated.
Nah, that only happens in the movies.
20. Posted by jane's eyre on September 21, 2006 9:05 AM
BigJim, damn you. Damn you to hell!
21. Posted by HollyJ on September 21, 2006 9:14 AM
She's pretty smart if she's aware of her stupidity...isn't she?
22. Posted by trinket on September 21, 2006 9:14 AM
# 18: you say that as though you expect her to be able to decipher that complicated sign that pictures a cell phone with a red circle around it and a diagonal line through it...
23. Posted by commissioner on September 21, 2006 9:21 AM
@13
So sorry.
I have, by necessity, washed my car in an incredibly expensive dress. Gotta wash the blood of the homeless off before the police show up.
24. Posted by CelebSlam.com on September 21, 2006 9:38 AM
I could totally see this on Law & Order: SVU
http://www.celebslam.com
25. Posted by Italian Stallion on September 21, 2006 9:44 AM
Paris know's how to pump gas huh?
I learn something new everyday.
In case this dumb bitch likes to read the Super, let's not let her know about the whole Cell Phone pump gas go boom thing, ok people? LOL................
26. Posted by Amy3000 on September 21, 2006 10:00 AM
of course she can pump gas, squeezing the nozzle is just like giving a handjob, and she's had looooots of experience doing that...its just too bad that the photographer missed the shots of her pulling the nozzle out and licking it clean while exclaiming "there, and I didn't spill a drop..." Im just waiting for the day that she decides to publicly compare Cum and Maxwell house coffee "Its totally like, good to the last drop!"
27. Posted by vegasrr on September 21, 2006 10:01 AM
Is it just me, or do her feet look REALLY big in those shoes? I mean, even larger than normal!
28. Posted by guest1234567 on September 21, 2006 10:16 AM
If a crazy person doesn't know they're crazy, is it truly possible that a stupid person knows they're stupid?
29. Posted by reflight on September 21, 2006 10:20 AM
"My dad always taught me. They'll keep the tape anyway."
I don't know, does it sound like her Pop learned the hard way?
30. Posted by reflight on September 21, 2006 10:22 AM
And as for the last picture, she's just a bit flummoxed because she's never seen one with a rubber on...
31. Posted by Morticia on September 21, 2006 10:27 AM
Is this bitch like ever not on the phone?
32. Posted by jrzmommy on September 21, 2006 10:38 AM
These pictures of Paris makes her look a lot like Nicole does in the picture on the right of this page--the ad for Lionel's new album.
33. Posted by edb87 on September 21, 2006 10:49 AM
Wow. I'll be the odd man out and say it.
I'd hit it. And blast her in her wonky eye with it.
http://www.edquartersaudio.com
34. Posted by Angry Ferret Jones on September 21, 2006 11:06 AM
In that last pic she appears to be pondering the number of gas pumps she could fit inside her rat-infested cooch.
Let me help you Paris - the answer is 7.
35. Posted by Spindoc on September 21, 2006 11:12 AM
Nice to know that she is smart enough to realize what a complete dumb-ass she is. Hopefully with some more training she will be able to use a fork and knife, learn to say the days of the week and avoid Herpes.
36. Posted by WD-40 on September 21, 2006 11:41 AM
God I wish this wasn't just an internet rumor...
37. Posted by Brain Embolism on September 21, 2006 11:41 AM
In the last photo she has her left hand wrapped around the nozzle rubber like it's a cock.
A big black cock!
My big black cock!
Okay, so I'm not black...
and my cock is not big.
It's as miniscule as a Ferrets actually.
38. Posted by female canuck on September 21, 2006 11:46 AM
Exploderhead, you're my favourite blogger because there's NOTHING on here that doesn't make me laugh out loud.
Marry me?
xo
m
39. Posted by jrzmommy on September 21, 2006 12:07 PM
I wish Paris Hilton would move to Ireland and spread her love.
40. Posted by Samuel L. Jackson on September 21, 2006 12:21 PM
What is this Understatement Week? First Pam finally admits to being a married whore and Paris admits to being an idiot savant who specializes in idiocy. I guess Robin Williams will be having a press conference soon that no matter how many movies he makes, no one gives a damn about him...
41. Posted by Brain Embolism on September 21, 2006 1:00 PM
@38- Who is this blogger "Exploderhead" that you speak of.
You are welcome to come on over to one of these two sites where you can be more comfortable.
http://www.cock-ninja.blogspot.com/
http://angry-ferret.blogspot.com/
I, myself, have a different screenname over there.
42. Posted by HolisticWisdomcom on September 21, 2006 1:14 PM
My God, did someone check to make sure the gas wasn't still running when she left, you know she forgets things! I can see it now... Paris driving away as the gas station explodes and her looking in the rear view while chatting it up with someone about how the new Gucci glasses she got for free are so Hot, and she mutters "Oops" and continues to drive and the fried carcasses of bodies fly through the air.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com/paris-hilton-sex-tape.htm
43. Posted by Troller on September 21, 2006 1:19 PM
@40 and that he's really hairy.
Then LoJob will fess up that she's a drunked coke whore.
44. Posted by gossipmonger on September 21, 2006 1:23 PM
Hey number 8-Freebird is the BEST barband song ever!
Thanks for bringing back great memories!
45. Posted by Brain Embolism on September 21, 2006 1:29 PM
38 female canuck - Who is this 'Exploderhead' blogger you speak of?
You're more than welcome to come by either the site linked under my name... or this site
http://www.cock-ninja.blogspot.com/
I'm sure we can make you comfortable and have a chat.
P.S. I, myself, go by a different name over there
46. Posted by Pagan Queen on September 21, 2006 1:33 PM
HALLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO 'Fish! I am at my new job...I missed you guys so much! SNIFF SNIFF
Just goes to show you cant buy everything - expecially brains. But they can buy a keeper for her...she needs one....badly!
47. Posted by jane's eyre on September 21, 2006 1:44 PM
Pagan Queen! Welcome back, baby! Haven't seen you in a veddy veddy long time!
48. Posted by nc72 on September 21, 2006 1:59 PM
Yeah well in certain situations it's smart to be stupid. She's got some brain cells left...
http://www.exposay.com/paris-rejects-steve-coogans-drunk-move-on-her/v/4480/
49. Posted by Angry Ferret Jones on September 21, 2006 2:14 PM
Canuck - be sure to get your pets spayed or neutered before hanging out with Brain. They'll get knocked up for sure.
Seriously though, come play with us.
http://angry-ferret.blogspot.com/
In fact, everyone come play with us. This post is stale, our shiz is sooper-fresh. Mostly.
50. Posted by i_a_grawr on September 21, 2006 2:19 PM
you guys. its just an act. paris is secretly a genius scientist fat gay man who is working on a theory that will overthrow einstein's theory of relativity......
and have everyone wearing uniforms that say "thats hot" on the back
51. Posted by helena handbasket on September 21, 2006 2:51 PM
maybe that's why celebs drive ginormous gas-guzzlers: more opportunities for head-exploding-ly mundane photos
52. Posted by gotcha on September 21, 2006 2:54 PM
PARIS AND THE MECHANIC" paris runs out of petrol, "i don't understand i just filled up my tank"
mechanic "why is there rubber splattered inside blocking up the engine causing it to cease up?".paris "Um, um, im trying to remember, oh yeah, daddy said before i put anything in i should put a rubber on it cause its not nice to spread fluids or somethin like that, you know i get like so confused with long hard things so i just apply his advice to everything that has fluid, i dont want my car to get herpes or um you know a disease or pregnant". "Wow, that is like so weird i was just on the phone ordering 1000 condoms cause i used my last one on that thing that makes my car go, i just you know figured i go better with one on so my car and my doggies must do to, um, have i done something wrong? i only drive my cars once, cause its like so unfashionable to be driving um be seen in one car only, could you please send daddy the bill and i'll ask him to explain about the rubber thingy and where i should and um shouldn't used it". "like i'll get him to write it down and leave it on my dashboard cause, you know, like i don't remember things" Mechanic "here put one on this and well just forget about the bill, its not like your gonna remember is it, so theres no chance my wife will ever find out, just hang on a tick darlin ill just switch the securty camera on i mean off" paris "cool serviced by a mechanic for free".
53. Posted by PunjabPete on September 21, 2006 3:48 PM
And where are my damn Paris tears in this post??!!!!!
When I see Paris, I want to see her tears!!!
Please feed my inner demon and make me feel all warm and tingly!!
I will never be free of my addiction....
54. Posted by fat ugly girl with frizzy curly hair on September 21, 2006 4:04 PM
her bleached out dry hair is sticking straight up i the last pic. bitch.
55. Posted by Dory on September 21, 2006 4:20 PM
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
56. Posted by ratadechapinero on September 21, 2006 6:25 PM
It hasn't been proved that there can be an explosion caused by talking in your cellphone while being in a gas station. Actually, it was published that there weren't enough facts to even consider it possible.
57. Posted by jane's eyre on September 21, 2006 9:03 PM
@56
Really? Well I've seen videos of explosions from people opening car doors and stuff, so I'm guessing it might be a probability. At least we can hope that Paris will go that way someday--in a blaze of glory.
58. Posted by PrincessMuMu on September 22, 2006 12:16 AM
She obviously didn't get the memo that being dumb is not cute.
59. Posted by ImBringingBloggingBack on September 22, 2006 3:16 AM
Um, isn't it known that using your cell phone while pumping gas can cause and explosion. I hope Paris is careful. Is she were to explode, who would be laugh at? Oh and, by the way, if she were to explode she totally would be going to hell. You know, because she's so rich.
ImBringingBloggingBack
60. Posted by guymorgan on September 22, 2006 7:25 AM
You know what she really is thinking in that last picture...
'Mmm... I wonder if I can fit this thing in?'
Nah, I kid you, I love her really.
61. Posted by Douchebag on September 22, 2006 10:53 AM
Normally when I have something this long and hard in my hand it's usually in my mouth but this isn't nearly as salty
62. Posted by KevinTheProdigy.com on September 22, 2006 11:39 AM
Two Things Paris to make your life easier.
1. Surgically attach the phone to your face
2. Make a hole around the crotch area