Sep 15 2006Jessica Simpson pretends to shop for groceries

Congratulations... bitch.

She's just window shopping today folks, nothing strange about that, right? People window shop all the time!

aww.. now don't be hatin' mister superficial.. just cause ralph's must have sold out of everything before she had a chance to fill her basket.. you see, it's hard to see around all that plastification she's had done.. especially in the nasal region.. if you'd just had 10" removed from your schnoz, you'd understand..

How cute. She's trying to do grownup things.

http://www.celebslam.com

fuck the dodgers. isn't she from texas anyway? this chick can't do anything right these days...which is rad to see. she's hiddy.

I’m astounded by her efforts, we should all applaud her. Next step, changing her tampon all by herself instead of asking Nick/guy/chimpanzee to push it through with their dicks.

Third pic in top:

When did Michael Imperioli begin working in a grocery store?

HEYYYYYYYY #5, hold up there, just cuz she's from texas doesn't mean we are pround of her :D she brings shame to the great state! all we can do is scratch our heads in wonder over this one. Her daddy must not have let her attend school or something. I don't understand how one can be so clueless and not be 9...maybe she's finishing up her jr. high education and she's actually on a field day excursion for her home economics class...

She must have forgotten her coupons. People who don't have real jobs should use coupons because they are like money. The problem with shopping at Ralphs is that even her father gets confused because when the checker says they do double coupons, he keeps saying 'But she's got Double Ds. You can't just ignore them!'

is that one of the ralph's on ventura in studio city?

she probably only did it to get attention ...WEAK!!

I just can’t get past that hideous boot/bag combo.

She must be in a rich people grocery store, because there is no way all that watermelon would still be on the shelf in the ghetto.................

You guys are all fucking clueless. She's not shopping, she's working! She's the fucking cart-collector-girl!!!

Is was between that and Wal-mart-greeter.

Hello?

Hopeless

Where is PapaHotNuts?

11 - She brought them along because they match her skin color.

After bringing in her 'One Cart' for the day look how proud she is in that last picture? And all the media is like, "Do another, do another, bring in another cart, we missed it." And she's like, "nope, that's all the work I'm doing today." "Bye'.

This site is turning into to a Big Brother watching over Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears:( isn`t anybody else doing anything???

It's obvious what happened. Look at the first pic of her bag, then the last pic. She went Winona Ryder on Ralphs!

no, no, no....superfish...
she was squeezing HER melons.

What the fuck was the point of that?

Because she has another doomed-to-flop movie coming out, this one produced by Papa Joe, who is the only person in Hollywood receiving head from her who will give her work?

I think yes.

Leave the poor girl along willya?

She only went to the store because she was upset when she heard that animal crackers were made from animals so she wanted to see for herself...

..dumb cunt...

Texas may be a fine state, but entertainers from the South recently ain't been givin us nothing but trouble. Britney Spears, Jessica Simpson,
..
Need I go on?

...oops - I meant leave the poor girl ALONE...shit, need some more coffee...

I thought only Nicole Richie window shopped at supermarkets. That said, this is the most fuckable she's looked in a long time.

Today I visited the food library!

third pic, top row:

apparently she farted as she walked past the produce clerk...

you said "rock hard" huh-huh huh-huh

Does anyone know what kind of boots she is wearing... she is wearing them all over all of her pictures...

I still think its a sham - there is no fucking way you can really be that stupid and live to adulthood, without being severely maimed. Where is natural selection when you need it??????

Does anyone know what kind of boots she is wearing in all of these pictures?

#25 - that is some funny shit.

#10...
That's absolutely the Ralphs on Coldwater & Ventura...;)

30. Posted by chloe on September 15, 2006 9:07 AM

Does anyone know what kind of boots she is wearing in all of these pictures?

You mean they're not ones she designed!!!!!

its disgusting. she has servants to go shopping for her.

but instead she needs to boost her self esteem so she goes out and calls all the paparazzi beforehand.

Given her recent luck with men, it would be funny if everything in the cart was phallic. Thick, uncut carrots. Long, plump cucumbers. Maybe some oddly-shaped squash, a thin eggplant or two. Basically, a veritable vegetable orgy. Rumors would then swirl that the carrots and cucumbers at Jess' house all taste a little fishy...

she's got her issues, but bottom line is i'd totally hit that

http://wampoon.com/

#35 -- peanut butter and pet chow may raise some eyebrows...

Nice rack, butterface.

#34 - Good point. What are the odds that the photog's were just kicking it at Ralph's when she happened by. I wish I had "people" that leaked shit like that about me.

Can you imagine being a photog and getting that assignment?

"Hey Tony, head over to Ralph's, Carrot Tits is going to be there."

Yep, all that training at Big Jerry's Photog School and Bait Shop is TOTALLY paying off now.

The only meat this dumb bitch's ever tasted is Papa Joe's old country Texas Sausage.

Ps:And no Texas is not a great state nothing, good has ever come out of Texas...give it back to Mexico, with all the people in it.

#41 - They can take Louisiana too. It appears we're done with it.

imagine dating her, the time spent inbetween boning her would be pure torture.

disregard that coma after nothing and add an edit function to this mutha.

ahhh yes jessica that is a grocery store... your mama never told you about that one did she.

At least she knows what city she's in!!!! LOS ANGELES! Who BTW is still in first place NL West. But we definetely need some wins against SD this weekend! Go DODGERS! YUP DODGER FAN!

www.outofsightmedia.com

(A day in the life of a paparazzit)

"Then there is Joe Simpson, the father of Jessica Simpson and Ashlee Simpson. He Paps his own daughters and distributes his pictures of his daughters through a paparazzi agency, WireImage. Have you seen the pictures of Jessica Simpson with the rollerskates from her new video, Public Affair? If you look at the photo credits, it says, “Joe Simpson/WireImage”. He is technically a paparazzi. Go figure, the preacher-dad who Paps his own daughters!"

who cares

She wore the LA hat because it's one of the few words she can pronounce without help, although sometimes she gets tripped up and says AL.

Those boots
matching belt
matching purse
a blue cap

Hideous. Who dresses this girl?

She probably emerged without groceries because they did not give them to her for free. Celebs always expect things for free because they usually get it.

Companies will pay thousands just to be given the opportunity to give free products through special PR companies that arrange this stuff.

I know, our company has been asked to do this kind of thing and it cracks me up. Um, yes, we would like to pay money to get the opportunity to give away inventory to rich celebs. Classic!

http://www.holisticwisdom.com

The last picture looks like she's the star of a rietman's commercial...tbe ones where average women pretend to be supermodels even though they are in bargain basement wardrobes.

#51...

You must be from Winnipeg - Reitman's, isn't it???

14 Good question.

@27.. heh-heh heh-heh heh!

51 & 52 Canada has it's high school killers too.

That's fucking outstanding.

The world is my oyster.

The boots and the bag look like a catcher's mitt - they "match" with her baseball cap! Neato.

What an attention whore - if she really wanted to she could EASILY have gone shopping incognito - her career must be really in the toilet to have gone down this far...

She should have spread her legs for the cameras...

Looks like nobody caught her smuggling out those melons under her shirt.

I'm sorry but if it's warm enough to sport a t-shirt, why the f*ck do you need to wear tall boots? And enough with the 1980's/Pirate look of tucking pants into the boots. Unless you're Hitler or riding a horse, it doesn't work.

Or the codfish in her pants...

Ummm. Jessica? The manager from the McDonalds acrossed the street wants to know what to do with the shopping cart you dropped off?

60 PJ in PA
Love your blog

If you're ever in Moose Taint County
give us a holler.

One of the crybabies on this site probably got mad at PapaHotNuts and had him banned.

#62 - HA!!!! Thanks for that.

hey look--

she's matched her bag and boots to her own skin!

Yeah #62 - Thanks for that.

@62- You are one funny G.I. there Hopeless_
I think a crack a rib laughing so hard.

Not hopeless

Not hapless

Not really Suicidal anymore

Jessica Simpson pretends to buy groceries so that later, Nicole Richie can pretend to eat them.

The Pap in the last pic, wearing the same shoes as Jessica Beil. Strange.

@10 Yep sure looks like that Ralphs which we all referr to as the celeb ralphs in the past 10 years I have seen Nic Cage, Bruce Willis and a bevey of other high celebs there. I can say most were actually purchasing. The Ralphs up the street in sherman oaks is way better Seth Green once rammed me with his cart in the ice cream isle but at least he was buying alot of beer and drumsticks !!!

I have a great show idea for the execs of her old show... We get her and her dumb sister Ashley, the ugly Duff sister, Britney, Lohan, K-Fed, Lance Bass and all the crazy fucked up people too... Put them in a monsterous bowl shaped arena, cover them in honey, release bees on them, douse them in pig urine and cows blood, make them eat maggots, let them have sex with each other, shoot them with rock salt in the face, set them all on fire, then put the flames out with a 40 kiloton nuclear bomb. Well call the show.......... "The ARISTOCRATS" :D

Oh no you didn't! I love that shit.

I have one, but it is so vulgar I would be ashamed to even put it here with you psychopaths and miscrients.

Well, the sign does say 12 items or less, so she had to put them all back and leave....

#71....screw the Sherman Oaks Ralphs...the other one in Studio City (on Vineland) is way better than the others...I mean come on, there's an elevator there and shit. But I grew up 5 mins from the Ralph's she's shopping at and I must have been there 200 times and I've never seen stalkerazzi there ever. Which is good, cause I'd be pretty pissed if I got caught in a picture buying K-Y or something

#67 - Eat a dick. Are you the same idiot trolling Tranny or are you my own little troll? You're not fucking funny. I have been reasonably calm today. Don't unleash the beast asshole. I've been rather enjoying the lack of banter today.

Well, #76, I don't know what your all up in arms about today, but I can tell ya that #72 is an unimaginative fuck hole that lacks any sort of moral guidance and should be arrested because he's probably a baby fucker who masterbates while watching his little sister undress. I would at least call the show... "The SOPHISTICATES".

OK, I know what this is: it's a new game show where they give you a shopping list and you have to find all the items in the fastest time to win the prize. She went in with the list and then came out emptyhanded because she couldn't find anything. On Chicken of the Sea, she was totally clueless and there was corn flakes on the list but she couldn't find those because she looked for them in the produce section, she looked for K-Y in the jams/jellies aisle, etc. You can see where this is going... OK, sorta lame, but does anybody have a better guess? Come to think of it, that'd be an AWESOME show.

#77 - The weed just kicked in. All is well again. Fucking trolls irritate the shit out of me like curried Ex-Lax. I don't know if that troll can even jerk off since he/she/it probably thinks that masterbate is used to catch big fish.

I dunno, I like those boots it's just overkill with the bag at the same time. Wouldn't they be okay if only she didn't have the bag?

To the person who said she got a nosejob, what? Her nose looks as fat as ever.

Jessica needs to go away. Every single one of her albums bomb, her TV show is over. There is no reason to pay attention to her anymore, except to mock her.

She's a complete media whore.

Pretend grocery shopping? Who the hell is her publicist?

She was dealing in the same crap during the John Mayer rumor. She would say she didn't want to talk about it and wanted to keep it private but then made sure she got seen shopping in a lingerie store in NYC.

Now she's talking about how he got scared off by her fame. No, if anything, he got scared off because he doesn't need to manipulate the damn media at every turn.

It's just amateur as this Ralph's field trip shows.

Hell, if I can afford a shopper, you know she can.

I notice she's wearing boots which are probably from her new boot collection. I'm just thinking maybe a fashion show and magazine spread would be better press.

To do list for Jessica Simpson:

1. Fire publicist
2. Take acting and singing lessons
3. Get orange tint removed from skin
4. Get lopsided breasts fixed

Um... did she CALL the frigging paparazzi? That is one of the Ralphs' near my apartment. There are NEVER paparazzi there. TV actors, sure, even a random movie star and musician. I see them at all of the area Ralphs, Coffee Beans, etc. but there are never paparazzi. Oh, and those paparazzi-less celebs buy things like normal people. They don't parade around the parking lot in fugly brown boots.

TrannyGranny, I just shed a tear. Oh wait - there's something in my eye. Thanks for the visit and compliment. Me loves the compliments. Tell me I'm pretty? Please!

@81 you forgot:

5. Let some of the air out of those balloon lips.

41--

Can we just return the Louisiana Purchase?

Why is it that the more coverage there is of Nick and Vanessa, there's more pics of Jess being drunk in public? She obeyed Pappa Joe, got rid of Nick 'cause Joe wants to be the only man in her life, and the world is NOT her oyster as Pappa Joe promised it would be if only she got rid of Nick.
Jess should be gettin' rid of Pappa Joe, or she'll never have lasting success with any man.
Sorry, Jess....you can't put husbands on a shelf when you tire of them, and then expect them to be there at your convenience..........unlike what Pappa Joe says, the world does NOT revolve around the fu**in* Simpson family.

Well, isn't this grand. I guess those ugly ass over sized bags are coming in handy now that her record sales are so horrible... I wonder how many Chicken of the Sea cans she was able to stuff in it.

I hate to be catty, but those boots are really not flattering with her short legs. Did the purse and boots come as a set on QVC? ugh.

Her trying to get attention to stay in the tabloids is nothing new.

85, after Louisiana produced Britney, I don't think France would take it back.

she loks like shit. in a couple years she will be cathy griffn and will be able to shop in peace

what a dumb cunt. she looks like a piece of trash.

So pretty. So ugly. My penis doesn't know what to do anymore.

http://www.edquartersaudio.com

So pretty. So ugly. So orange. So ugly. It's a merry go round of torment for her. My penis doesn't know what to do anymore.

http://www.edquartersaudio.com

Her "fashion" line sucks. Couldn't she at least made it look DECENT?

Her matching boots & purse are too much. yuck.

*CRASH*
-HERB! CLEANUP IN AISLE 1!
*CRASH*
-HERB! CLEANUP IN AISLE 2!
*CRASH*
-HERB! CLEANUP IN AISLE 3!

...To be continued...

Post 95 really made me laugh for some reason.

If she wants to show how normal she is, she should date some middle-aged fat balding guy to show she's not shallow. Let me know where to send my info to.

First of all, that jackass who is obviously a Ralph's employee, is wearing probably the most intelligent expression he has ever had. Secondly, in the second to last pic, she oddly looks a little like Nick Lachey. Completely creepy.

I think she finally left when she found out that she couldn't even buy a clue. About life.

In the first couple of pictures she looks all like "no pictures please!" and then in the last few she's a total poser & attention whore! In pic #7 she looks fucking ugly!

wonder if her feet are sweaty in those ugly boots

and she didn't buy anything

ha ha...doesn't she have a housekeeper to do that for her?