August 10, 2006
Val Kilmer might be pregnant
Looks like Cowboy Kilmer is really letting himself go. How does he expect to round up all the cows on the beach if he can't even see his feet. I never thought I'd be saying this, but he could learn a thing or two from Matthew McConaughey. Like that steroids really work. Or putting on a headband and growing horrible facial hair can really distract from the body.
Previous Entries
» Matthew McConaughey no longer wears shirts» Lindsay Lohan getting in more trouble
» Britney Spears loves Kevin Federline
» Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn may or may not be engaged
» Paris Hilton gets a ticket
Comments
1. Posted by Kg on August 10, 2006 6:45 PM
Maybe it's some soft of matthew mconuahgehehey protest
2. Posted by Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest on August 10, 2006 6:47 PM
HOLY SHIT!! LMAO!!!! Finally a picture worth laughing at! Lets hear you ladies say how he is now. Tell me thats some serious prosthetics for a movie. On second thought don't, I like fatty fat fat Val.
3. Posted by Rayo on August 10, 2006 6:47 PM
damn I thought I'd be first...
4. Posted by MeanNate on August 10, 2006 6:48 PM
Even cowboys cry.
I especially like that tuft of hair on his chest. Nummers.
5. Posted by juice_up on August 10, 2006 6:49 PM
Now that's the gut I'm talklin' about! Drink on Val!!!
6. Posted by bigponie on August 10, 2006 6:49 PM
fat bastards brother
7. Posted by Wanna Pet My Beaver? on August 10, 2006 6:50 PM
Holy Fucking Fat Ass Batman!
@2 Meh, I'd still fuck him, cock is cock.
8. Posted by CelebSlam.com on August 10, 2006 6:58 PM
He's quickly approaching "I can't see my penis" territory.
http://www.celebslam.com
9. Posted by ZombieSushi on August 10, 2006 6:59 PM
Doesn't he kinda have the Sasquatch pose?
10. Posted by ohmygoodnessgracious on August 10, 2006 7:00 PM
Black mole on the left elbow, how sexy can you get!?!?
11. Posted by dmarie on August 10, 2006 7:08 PM
Personally, I never got my jollies off of looking at him anyway. Just another reason not to.
Say, is "Frank the Tank" back???
12. Posted by ImSuicidal on August 10, 2006 7:11 PM
"Fatback Mountain"
13. Posted by Berrylicious on August 10, 2006 7:11 PM
wow his pants are way too low, I am just glad not to see his pubes. Yuk!!
14. Posted by Chantikins on August 10, 2006 7:12 PM
Wow, I never saw a beer gut I didn't like...
except for this one...
15. Posted by Berrylicious on August 10, 2006 7:13 PM
haha #12 that was funny!!
16. Posted by Adult Underoos on August 10, 2006 8:55 PM
that can't be him, can it? can it?!?
17. Posted by freakspeely on August 10, 2006 9:00 PM
Yeah, and he's gonna give birth to a huge and greasy dark-skinned baby, looks like. By the looks of his face he's about to go into labor...
18. Posted by BarbadoSlim on August 10, 2006 9:14 PM
Hehehehehe...you gotta admire a man who just, DON'T. GIVE. A. FUCK. I bet he's wearing flip-flops.
19. Posted by jrzpussie on August 10, 2006 9:40 PM
He ate Willow!!!!!!
20. Posted by ToiletDuck on August 10, 2006 9:40 PM
Well, there goes tonight's dinner all over my keyboard...all I can say is thank God his left arm is where it is, otherwise we would be dealing with some serious buttcrack issues here, and I would likely have started self-mutilating...
ugh...
21. Posted by ToiletDuck on August 10, 2006 9:43 PM
He's got Rosie O'Donnell's belly, but that's where the resemblance ends -
22. Posted by ToiletDuck on August 10, 2006 9:44 PM
He is probably now hung like a sparrow...
23. Posted by Andrea on August 10, 2006 10:06 PM
Dude, first comment was the best.
24. Posted by sometimesboy on August 10, 2006 11:07 PM
see, this here is a still from his CELEBRITY FIT CLUB audition tape...
25. Posted by Jolene on August 10, 2006 11:19 PM
Yep, and Tom Cruise is the father
26. Posted by KatieGoggles on August 10, 2006 11:29 PM
that looks like its doctored and not even him, am i just high?
27. Posted by biatcho on August 10, 2006 11:32 PM
"I have not yet begun to defile myself"
28. Posted by KatieA978 on August 10, 2006 11:50 PM
*sigh* I remember when he used to be hot.
Damn you old age, beer and corn chips. Damn you to hell.
And damn Paris Hilton as well - she f*cked him, it's her fault. Sadly it seems the only cure for SuperHerp is becoming and old fat man with no tan.
29. Posted by HolisticWisdomcom on August 11, 2006 12:45 AM
Oh, so he has a little pot belly. Big deal, the man is known for "hammering a six inch spike through a board with his penis."
For those of you who are saying "huh?" That is a movie reference from Real Genius. One of his finest films in my opinion.
http://www.holisticwisdom.com
30. Posted by ffordegroupie on August 11, 2006 1:40 AM
What, you guys haven't heard? He's planning a sequel to "The Doors," and has to gut up to play Jim once more.
31. Posted by Cleosneedle on August 11, 2006 1:49 AM
Christ almighty!
With that hat and belly, I thought that it was Brittany Spears at first
32. Posted by nc72 on August 11, 2006 2:29 AM
@29, nothing little about that pot belly!
No wonder he likes to take time out and reflect in his tree house...
http://www.exposay.com/val-kilmer/1/c/2215/
33. Posted by here on August 11, 2006 3:15 AM
Perhaps he's suffered from a permanent injury that makes it painful to work-out. If not, something in his gut appears ready to break free from its human host, scamper bloodily across the parking lot to its idling F250 Dually, and careen away toward the East while dark legions of flying monkeys fly a low, screeching, overhead escort.
34. Posted by BarbadoSlim on August 11, 2006 7:26 AM
@29...one of his finest films indeed, if not his finest before he went all serious and shit.
And let's not forget Top Secret.
35. Posted by CMonster0125 on August 11, 2006 8:04 AM
Face it, he hasn't worked for many years now. He's probably in the "who gives a shit?" mentality right now. Maybe if his agent got him something, he'd work out again. But unless Hell freezes over, this is just the tip of the chubby-Kilmer iceberg.
36. Posted by jrzmommy on August 11, 2006 8:50 AM
Marlon Brando reincarnated.
37. Posted by spatz on August 11, 2006 9:26 AM
its about fuckin time a story about a mans ugliness was posted.
38. Posted by knowhere on August 11, 2006 9:40 AM
looks like he don't give a crap about living up to preconceived notions of what hollywood stars should always look like. more power to him!
39. Posted by cayana on August 11, 2006 9:51 AM
#26 I think it's him. I saw him in a relatively recent movie with Robert Downey Jr and he was looking pretty fat around the face and neck. But thankfully he was fully clothed the entire movie so I never got a view like THIS. My eyes, I'm scarred. ><
40. Posted by GG1000 on August 11, 2006 9:57 AM
He looks spookily like George W. Bush's separated at birth and taken to live in a trailor park twin brother.
41. Posted by energy_guru on August 11, 2006 10:04 AM
If I looked like that I'd shoot myself
42. Posted by DancingQueen on August 11, 2006 10:12 AM
Wow, I guess the ICE MAN cometh...
What would Maverick think? Oh yeah, that's right, he's busy LTC!!!
@12 & 31, HIL-F-ING-LARIOUS!!! Thanks for the laugh!
43. Posted by Bioplant on August 11, 2006 10:26 AM
Really enjoying the nipple on his left elbow.
44. Posted by Elikapeka on August 11, 2006 10:59 AM
Mmm. Guntage. I bet we'd find a whole treasure cove of surprises under that overhang.
45. Posted by UNWASHEDMASSES on August 11, 2006 11:39 AM
He's playing the Marlboro Man trolling for cock in a new biopic produced by good "buddy" Tom Cruise. In the film, the original Marlboro Man, B.J. Cocklove, goes from the glory of billboards and print ads to the wasting horror of AIDS and lung cancer. This pic is obviously of Cocklove in his better days, before the onset of health problems. Tentatively titled "Long and Hard" the film is set for a May release.
46. Posted by Spindoc on August 11, 2006 11:45 AM
Putting up this picture, Great choice #1 Superficial. Putting this picture up right next to the one of Matt Maconnohay (Or however the fuck you spell it) was the cherry on top of my day. Great post!!!
47. Posted by januaryanne on August 11, 2006 11:50 AM
hey you guys got really funny all of a sudden. a sparrow? britney spears? shoot, that's hilarious.
my only confusion now is that so far I don't see anyone mentioning the porn star esque nipular action.
48. Posted by Spindoc on August 11, 2006 12:19 PM
#29 HolisticWisdomcom
And don't for get that the girl that said that to him was in another great 80's film. She played Julie in Valley Girl.
49. Posted by oshkoshb-goshdammgosh on August 11, 2006 1:16 PM
#29 - Ha!
"Don't eat that cheeseburger, it'll make your breasts huge and... wait! Oh my god, I'm too late!!!"
50. Posted by Sassy on August 11, 2006 1:28 PM
Now I have to clean vomit off of my keyboard. Thanks.
51. Posted by Faxus on August 11, 2006 2:48 PM
Oh what wonderful gossip! Oh what fabulous pics! I think you can do better than this horrible pic. Did you actually pay someone for this photo or did you just go out and take it yourself? Why not show us a recent pic of Liz Taylor while you're at it. We're just dying to see terrible pics, really, we are!
52. Posted by ElatedPornStar on August 11, 2006 7:06 PM
@12: Awesome.
Kilmer really needs to lay off the S'more Schnapps.
53. Posted by prideofchucky on August 11, 2006 7:27 PM
"I AM THE GIZZARD KING! I WILL EAT ANYTHING!!"
54. Posted by ImSuicidal on August 12, 2006 1:09 AM
@53 - Now that's just wet your pants, rip snortin' funny!
55. Posted by aww its deb on August 12, 2006 1:29 AM
its just dunlap. i'd do him. he's got money.
56. Posted by TriStateSucka on August 12, 2006 9:57 PM
I once banged this asian chick who had the exact same tits, all nipple and no areola.
57. Posted by SpAcEmUnKeY on August 13, 2006 2:44 PM
Remember when Val Kilmer and the volleyball scene were the hottest parts of Top Gun?
Now Val would need an oxygen tank or, at very least, an inhaler to film that scene.
Ice Man is tubby and Maverick is waiting for his space ship...
Oh God, is his elbow falling off? Maybe he is THE alien Tom Cruise has been waiting for?!?!
58. Posted by drdisaia on August 13, 2006 10:34 PM
Ouch...to the gym with you!
59. Posted by Guevin on August 14, 2006 11:30 AM
I'm thinkin' Arby's.