Aug 29 2006Paris Hilton's CD is a flop

Did we REALLY expect anything different? I think not.

hmmm... wonder how she's going to continue to "keep" herself in the upscale manner in which she's accustomed herself with these measly numbers... since we all know that she's worked hard to pay for her lifestyle all on her own.. without momslut and daddycracker.. yeah right.. with this kind of financial solvency she might need to turn to the pages of "ask the stingy bitches"..
http://www.stingybitches.com/stingy%20advice.html

I didn't know there were 75,000 music critics in America.

This bitch's album is hot fire! I put it next to Dark Side of the Moon, Zeppelin IV, and OK Computer.

Maybe Paris and Federline should try a duo album.

*snicker*

Hahahahah SURPRISE.

I'm just FLOORED at this news. What next? The earth isn't flat?

http://www.celebslam.com

her agent bought the 75,000 copies and threw it in the middle of the atlantic.

It's not going to slow her down one bit.

Hint hint Paris. Get it? No one fucking likes you and you can't sing. I'll say it slowly for you..... O V E R E X P O S E D.

and that gigantic "CLINK" you all just heard was Hohan, Nicole Richie and Shannen Doherty having themselves a toast.

haa! she thought this was going to make her rich...she even went to fat joe and said she was going platinum! and read the post article!

"...Meanwhile, Hilton's reputation as a dirty girl put one of her former sex partners on edge after they'd been to bed together.

Elijah Blue Allman, the hunky son of Cher and Gregg Allman, boasted to Howard Stern the other day that he had a fling with Hilton before she was famous - but he got nervous right afterward that he might have picked up a sexually transmitted disease from her. Allman says he was so worried, he raced downstairs and grabbed a household cleaning product to pour over his private parts and "disinfect" them.

While Stern flipped over the tawdry tale, aired over his Sirius Satellite Radio raunchfest show, Hilton wasn't thrilled with the disclosure. "She's not happy about it," said a source, despite the fact Allman tried to lessen the low blow by noting she was a "sweet girl" nonetheless."

Who would have ever expected!

http://www.VeryLiberating.com

I heard the Sirius broadcast. Specifically, he said that he "TILEXED" his wang.

"Elijah Blue Allman, the hunky son of Cher and Gregg Allman"...?

I've never heard the word "hunky" used to describe him before. I mean, you may think he's "cute" or even "hot" ('cos, you know, to each his own...), but doesn't "hunky" imply at least a modicum of machismo? Elijah Blue, after all, has spent a significant portion of his life in heels and a skirt.

I don't know what to be more worried about. The fact that 75,000 people bought Paris' album (lets hope they were all 'just curious' and are gonna take 'em all back next week) or that the Superfish has a butcher without a mouth. How does he tell you the price of things? Or tell you to Have A Nice Day? Unless it's just a nickname and the Superfish is friends with a mutant serial killer. In which case can he encourage him to go after Hohan and Parasite?

(I don't feel that I need to comment on the fact that Paris' album is a flop - that comes as no surprise to any of us.)

Paris bought all 75,000 copies herself, too.

I'm more than happy to hear this news. Maybe now she'll fade away with Britney Spears (and waiting patiently, Jessica Simpson)! Her music sucks, she's an ass/slut and her only fan is herself!

People must think you can catch the Herp from a CD. Actually 75k is a good amount of sales for a new musical "artiste".

Well, it looks like it's time for Paris to get back to doing what she does best - sex tapes. Good job Paris. I'm looking forward to catching a few STDs watching the sequel.

"Obviously, she can't sing live"

Then kill her.

No joke, when I read the title of this post, Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture started playing in my head.

Call me a romantic, but I always thought that the Antichrist would be birthed from the ass of a talking black goat with a thousand teats. Once grown, the enemy of mankind would finance her own vanity album, and the world would ACTUALLY BUY IT- ushering in the age of darkness and the doom of mankind.

Wow, guess we dodged a bullet on that one!

If I actually thought that she felt an ounce of humility or shame I would feel bad for saying that I do hope this makes her choke on her own sick & die.

Despite the latest technological improvements, even digital gurus cannot make Paris Hilton sound good.

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

@ #3 - haha!

Excellent. Now when I go to the $2.99 rack at my local CD shop this December, I can get all of those people I hate, but am nonetheless obligated to buy a gift for, this musical work of wonder. It's almost as classless and subtle as giving them a Merry Fuck You card with a picture of baby Jesus flipping the bird.

#3 & #8 - HA!!!!!!!

"work with choreographers"

What do they mean? I saw her video and she could dance... right? No seriously, right? Dance? Anyone?

Can you imagine her trying to sing her over digitized COMPLETELY manipulated song Stars are Blind on an actual stage? I bet Wanda down at the local pub could belt out a better rensition on Karaoke night...

Must be Paris' sullied reputation that's causing lackluster sales--lack of singing ability certainly hasn't stopped Britney or Ashlee from selling millions of albums.

http://glossedover.com

I'll bet her publicist bought 70,000 of them.

#26 - I am so into that.... We do an anonymous joke gift exchange at work... I think I will splurge and get someone not one but TWO copies for $1.99 each. THat ought to piss someone right off... Good times....

Paris actually work for a living... Pleazzzze! No real voice... totally digital, no real talent other than showing up late and looking conceded. She should stick to her sex tapes. Too bad she is going celibate for a year. The only saving grace of that is STD prevention.

http://www.holisticwisdom.com/paris-hilton-video.htm

28 - Never thought I would do this but I have to defend Bri...but only a little. She actually can sing. Whether the music is good or not... You really have to be into that crap I think. Of course the only singing she does not is shouting out the names of her favorite Little Debbie snack items to he Manny at top volume so she won't have to get off the couche. That is still singing, right?

She does NOW...

Paris going celibate for a year?

TRANSLATION: Super Herpes flare up that won't go back down....

She can always be the lounge act at one of her sister's hotels. Which by the way are being decorated by Faye Resnick -- yeah, THAT Faye Resnick (Nicole Brown Simpson's best friend.) Can cocaine be a motiff?

What? I'm floored. I was expecting to put this one next to Dark Side of the Moon and Master of Puppets.

And to think, her death in House of Wax showed such promise.

http://www.edquartersaudio.com

This one time I got a CD in the mail from some animal rights group. It was an hour-long recording of dogs in the pound howling. It was supposed to alert you to the plight of the tortured animals or something.

Anyway I figure it's about the same thing as this CD.

I bet the stupid bitch cries everytime she hears the CD now.

I liked her song, but I mean really, it is just the samllest bit of her and the rest is music magic, i'd love to hear her sing for real, I bet it truly sucks. But the song stands alone as an interesting little tune.

I'm a professional musician and WAS having a pretty bad day... then I read this story and now believe that there is (occasionally) justice in the world...

She's a c%#t, I hate her and I hope she dies (still some residual bad-day vibes)

#39

so you would like to hear her sing, are you crazy, this is the extent of her singing talent...her song list

three little pigs,
london bridge is falling down,
the bugs bunny music theme,
and lets not forget ABC's alphabet song

so do enjoy her music.

41--only she insists that L M N O P is one big letter called elemenopee

OK, a flop, but she does get into The Hyde, doesn't she ?

@#41,

Dude, don't even talk smack about the Looney Tunes (bugs bunny) music!

Big shocker there.

You mean to tell me that this vapid whore can't sell more than one of the best female vocalists in the music industry today.

For shame Pais...for shame.

honestly who would spend money on this garbage when theres other garbage by at least half talented singers one can spend money on. i think if she promised a tour things would be different. people are stupid but not THAT stupid. its so obvious she has absolutley no business recording music. end of story.

I don't know if 75,000 is a lot for a new artist or not. What I do know is she promoted the hell out of that album so 75,000 is a flop compared to every other new artist on the planet who isn't an over-exposed talentless whore.

{I'm} Anti Backstreet and Ricky Martin
Whose instincts are to kill N'Sync,
Don't get me started!
These fuckin' brats can't sing,
and Britney's garbage!
What's this bitch, retarded?
GIVE ME BACK MY 15 DOLLARS!!!

39 seeing as youre probably 13 and havent really heard the source of this crappy song, mighn't i suggest you listen to anything by no doubt or gwen stefani? p. herself admits her song has a "gwen stefani" sound.

38 best comment ever. i snickered out loud

How long before the spin kicks into overdrive? Before she's spouting off comparable numbers in interviews, comparing her first album sales to other artists (neglecting that they had zero recognition or promotion). Then, when that fails, blaming people like us - the Internet - for spreading malicious lies about her that doomed the disc from day one. Why doesn't daddy just bail her out and buy up 200,000 copies? They can pipe it into the Hilton's hotel bathrooms as music to shit by.

We need to support p.h. on this one. Go buy a CD. If she sells a few more, maybe she will be convinced she can sign live (SNL???).

That is when all the fun will begin.

This just in...

Nicole Richie is anorexic. Lindsay Lohan has an ugly body. Paris Hilton has no talent.

Wow. "Hi, Day Old News? Yeah, I'd like to cancel Superfish's subscription. He'll now be going with 'Behind the Times'"

I'm tempted to buy her CD, drop a big fat turd on it and Fedex it back to her, maybe then she'll get the hint.

So torn between #20 and #52. Both outstanding ideas. Stupid slut.

demographics show those dumb enough to buy her cd were 10-12 year old girls

http://wampoon.com/

the thought of her putting on a brave face for the media and then going home to her room(s) to sob into her pillow warms my heart in a strange, brilliant way.

She's constantly posing. Her and Anna Nicole Smith and Airforce Amy are always doing these bizarre gesticulations and poses. They're like weird fembots programmed to just pose instead of moving normally.

That photo above is NOT a photo of Paris Hilton. Look at it. Paris has a parrot beak for a nose and no upper lip.

# 26 - OMG, what a good idea. I had some crap already stowed away for bad gift occasions, but Paris' CD beats them all. $2.99 is the upper end of what I'd be willing to pay. Guess it's off to the bargain bin at CD Warehouse for me.

I plan on stuffing stockings with Paris' failed CD and Britney Spears' coffee table book, "Stages." You can find her book at dollar stores everywhere, and as make-shift pillows under the heads of homeless drunks on Madison Avenue. GAG gift, indeed.

Without Paris Hilton and the people who brought us the Pickled Person what would we get for White Elephant parties?

and somewhere baby Jesus is crying....

As a famous pussy connoisseur once said: "lady, I've plowed Christina Aguilera, I've beeen fellated by Christina Aguilera, and I've heard Christina Aguilera. You, Miss Hilton, are no Christina Aguilera."

Paris Hilton's album a flop? All is right with the world.

can someone please tell me why the Superficial is constantly on PST? This never used to be... I am sick of waiting until the end of my work day for a fucking new story. This dumb ass post has been up since Noon EST. Ridiculous... at least give me the picture of Tracey Gold from the Emmy's the other night... she should really go back to binging & purging, at least she had an excuse for looking all sorts of ugly back then.

Dirty Slut...

I heard Valtrex is sponsoring her next tour -

@#67

Funny ass shit! LOL

Ok, to put her sales in perpective. William Hung's CD sold around 40,000 it's first week. Yeah, thats Right, William Hung the loser joke from American Idol Try-outs was in the same ballpark in sales numbers as Paris Hilton. LOL!!!!!!

I wonder if her CD cases are sealed with Herpes Puss?

Did anybody expect otherwise?

http://www.exposay.com/paris-hilton/1/c/1751/

duh.

I'd love to post, but I've had to take a shit like all day and I'm totally 'crowning' and if I don't shit soon I may die.

hopeless,

if you refer to comment #51 it may help you shit

75,000 copies. I hope her folks bought them all! Or we have to cull 75,000 people from the herd.

Sorry to here about your butcher Superfish guy.

in fairness...your butcher hasn't handled nearly as much meat as paris hilton...

Now if she could just sing with a penis down her throat, THAT is one CD I would definitely buy...she could do a Christmas album, and "sing Fa, La, La, La," with a dick all the way down her gullet...sweeeet...

This comes as noooooooooo surprise. #38- you are a champion

She suffers from K-Federlinecuntitness, whereupon one is completely delusional in the belief that they have talent and the public actually gives a crap.

Flop #1 complete....

Now time for some K-Fed numbers....
Can't wait for the release just to see the asswipe bomb....

The way I figure it, somewhere out there, on a website, is her promise to give blow jobs to anyone who buys her CD.. So far 75000 REALLY depraved people have responded... Prob more out of curiosity as to if she's gotten any better from her "1 night in Paris" days...

God help us if she tours and K-Fuk is one of her back up dancers. Do you think if she does the splits she'll stick to the floor?

Hmmm the thought just revolts me....

@77 It's all ready been done. The name of the album is called, "Buuuuaaaaaaaaaaaaag, The Christmas Album vol. III"

you know she bought up like 74,999 of those

William Hung sold more than Paris Hilton LOL! She should stick to her underwear and forget about her music "career"!

Hah! So there IS a God!

"Obviously, she can't sing live." Sheer brilliance.

I like Paris Hilton.

Her music, not so much.

BUT not much should have been expected from her record. She did have to open her OWN record label to release it afterall.

Shouldn't this read "Paris Hilton's Pussy is Floppy, Don't Trip on it Kid's"

Shouldn't this read "Paris Hilton's Pussy is Floppy, Don't Trip on it Kid's"

FUCK! Double POST!!!

Elijah Blue Allman's got to be severely brain damaged AND masochistic if he actually put Tilex on Elijah Jr.
That or he's prone to exaggeration.
What would be really awesome is if he'd prompted some exceptionally stupid kids to try that on themselves and gotten his ass sued off for it.

That's funny, my butcher was born without a mouth too and he sings a lot! He plays in a band with my tailor, blacksmith and shoe repairman.

HAHA...her album only sold 75,000 copies because her daddy probably bought them all...spoiled little rich girl!

Well, actually...now that I think about it, not all...he only bought the first 70,000.

The other 5,000 were bought by all the guys she has banged.

Oh, Bollocks, and don't even TRY to compare her to Joey Fat-One. In my country, the United States of America, he is a GOD. More like THE GOD. Well, even though her CD was a flop, she still has herpes, the gift that keeps giving!

Just goes to show that whilst stars might indeed be blind, the general public are not deaf. Apart from those who bought the album.

Still, 75,000 people with more money than sense is actually fewer than I thought existed globally. Oh happy day.

I think Ms. Hilton needs to take a break. She "singlehandely" developed two frangrances (that are frankly nothing special,) she was on a reality show that possessed some of the worst acting I've ever seen (especially in the season finale,) and now put out this album that sounds like something Radio Disney would put out.

She needs to stay home, truly keep her legs closed for a whole year and actually do something worthwhile instead of posing while having the expression of a corpse.

I don't know if someone else already mentioned this, but a sale of 75,000 records is not a sale to 75,000 people. It's presale to record stores.

What this shows is record stores were not very willing to buy the record.

Actually, it says the same about Christina Aguillera's record sales, (i.e. that 320,000 reflects preorders from record stores) but whose records are we more likely to see in the bargain bin next year?

LOL @ poster #3.

Maybe Paris and K-Fed could put something together. It would sell just to see how bad they did.

What's even more tragic about this whole situation is that club DJ's are leading the charge for her record sales:

http://billboard.com/bbcom/retrieve_chart_history.do?model.vnuArtistId=699848&model.vnuAlbumId=788893

She must have promised oral to every club DJ in NYC for playing her music. She's flexible enough to fit under the booth, right? She's like that whore in the podium from the movie Police Academy.

REAL musicians in NYC and LA who are waiting tables because they can't get their break are currently jumping off of bridges like lemmings because of her album. History will remember her like Jim Jones for causing mass suicide.

BTW - #54 - I laughed so hard to your post that I almost got sent home from work.

Stars are blind and appearently tone deaf same thing goes for the people that think she's hot and/or that that whore can sing well.there is a sped up version of Stars on youtube.it makes it less painful and WAY more funny to listen to,in this version you're ears don't bleed when you listen.here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Oa1yvgo47U

#100. Brilliant. Much more enjoyable to watch. She's put so many small furry rodents in that pussy of hers she's turned into a chipmunk!

Fuck all of you - her CD is AWESOME...I use it to scrape up dog turds in my backyard that the scooper can't get - it's also great for cleaning that black gunk around the bottom of my toilet that the brush can't get - so just fuck off and quit picking on Paris, because her CD fuckin' ROCKS, 'kay??

She should have called the CD "Wet Panties" and included a pair of her used panties along with the CD - I am not a marketing guru by any means, but I am sure it would boost sales and a lot of 40-something single guys would have something to sniff besides the bicycle seats at the local Catholic Girls' School...

i just wanted her ot have some sort of career besides 'party airhead'. I mean, if im going to have to look at her every day when i visit this site, i want her to at least pretend to be famous for a talent.

nice.....but still, 25% of christina's share is not that bad.....