Aug 21 2006Paris Hilton is the best singer ever

Hearing this album crushes your testicles too!
With the herpes and AIDS.
It's like magic but with less unicorns and more genital sores.

She should have called her album "red bumps"

http://www.celebslam.com

I have to admit that she looks smoking hot in that picture.

My penis approves.

last time i listened to her sing i had to take penicillin for two weeks to clear things up...

Tara Reid legs...

It's not the music that's making her cry... that would be the burning in her crotch. Oh wait, Lohan is the firecrotch. Or so we hear, over and over and over and over... My bad.

I would cry too if my honey pot dripped puss.
http://freddytshirt.blogspot.com/

She cries because it's so good. I thought that was what she told her plethora of lovers whenever they fail to satisfy her insatiable, herpetic lust.

I cry just thinking about her making an album! There is no way I would buy that goddamn disc. On the flip-side, I would bang her like an old screen door.

She made my Top Ten Crimes Against Music list. She would not be amused. Check it out: http://angry-ferret.blogspot.com/

More photos of her promoting @ Best Buy...

http://www.exposay.com/paris-hilton-signs-and-promotes-her-new-album-paris/v/3778/

All you people who object to her herpes can stand in line behind me while I double bag it. A talentless whore she may be, but I'd hit it hard. I'd hit it because she's young, hot, and rich. But most importantly, I'd hit it because your moms' are all worn out. Riverside muthafucka!

http://wampoon.com/

#11 - Riverside muthafucka? I haven't seen Juice in years... thanks for that.

"Because I don't want someone putting their phone up and recording it and making a ring tone off of it."

Wow. Yes, because that would be a high quality ring tone right there! Where the hell does she come up with this stuff?

You know, I never liked Paris Hilton, ever. She's skanky, she has NO talent, she's not even that pretty. I would do her chihuahua before her...but I kinda feel sorry for her now because she KNOWS that people dislike her. It was okay to dislike her when she was clueless, but now that I know that she knows that people despise her..I kinda feel bad for her.

yeah not really.

"...six years of medical school???" Paris' alma mater, I'll bet...

#14 That's no chihuahua, thats one of her crabs on a leash! :)

Why does she always pose like that? She looks dumb...oh that's right, SHE IS DUMB.

i'm AMAZED at the number of people who get on here and tell the world how they would "do" paris. why not just inject yourself with every std known to man. it would be a lot quicker.

Pathetic waste of human space. Period. No looks, no talent, no character- not one redeeming human quality about her. The only people who can stand her for more than a few minutes are either her relatives or the men who fuck the hell out of her- then carry home a little 'reminder' of their encounter afterwards. Talk about a parting gift! (Cuz ya know, herpes is forever!) I hope her twat falls out.
Ya know, her daddy's gotta be proud.

Sorry about the two 'ya know's'- my stutter is acting up again.
#18- You got it!

#17: because there's no pose more subtly seductive and come-hither than looking like an old women with osteoperosis and a stomach paunch. If that doesn't turn you on, what would?

The correct answer is "everything else", of course.

Paris Hilton also offers costumes of herself for kids this halloween.

http://www.spoonspam.com

Ugh what a pompous ass this chick is. You cry to your album....are ya shittin me?

She will never impress me.

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

oh paris paris paris.. stick with things you are good at.. like stopping war with your crusty armpits.. when my niece saw that pic of paris' crotch vacating some vehicle or another she said "that shit ain't right.. that SHIT AIN'T RIGHT" throwing the bag of pretzels she now could no longer eat across the kitchen table.. and i had to agree.. but then that shit's been spread between here and tora bora so what's to be expected?
http://www.stingybitches.com/ stingy%20advice.html

The hottest is when your beer gut sticks out farther than your no-tits.

Paris. Keepin it real.

does anyone else want to see her walk around with her two feet that are always stuck in the same position when she stands, I mean, poses (i.e. the above picture)? I really want to see her try at least... then fail miserably as she falls over, head first, asses up, into a pile of dung and then some teenage boy tries to stick his dick in her anus as she tried to get up and then continues to walk with the kid stuck to her ass. sweet.

I have nothing to say really about this, but that add underneath is f**king nasty.
Feet=make me cringe.

#28~daddy, is that you?

Isn't that Madame Tussaud's wax replication in that picture?

Isn't that Madame Tussaud's wax replication in that picture?

#30 - daddy drinks because you breathe.

i cried when dis dumb white bitch gave me the drips for real though my niggers

Why is this woman posed next to a "Best Buy" sign when we all know it's free???

"People go crazy. They love it. Everyone's like, 'Who is this?' I don't tell."

Yeah, right. Like she hasn't self-promoted this crapasstica for months now. But yes, I have read that some STDs can lead to insanity.

Paris and K-Fed should do a duet together to combine their talent. That would probably be more good music than the world could stand at one time. Then everyone would stop what they are doing and cry. Then all the wars would end. Then everybody would be happy. There you have it my friends: Paris and K-Fed, the key to world peace.

We all cried, bitch.

incidentally, dupababy, those Snyder's cheddar pretzels didn't go to waste just because Rachel threw them across the table; I ate them. Then again, I think the NastyAssPicsofParis'Vagina appetite suppressant might just be a workable idea...

so is she preggers?..or is that a sperm bank on 2 legs?

She never changes facial expressions. For those of you who haven't seen this, here you go.

http://parisfacial.ytmnd.com/

Bitch seriously needs to get out of that bubble she's living in. Who the F would actually pay to hear her sing?
http://cooterpunch.blogspot.com

Y'all's just hatas cuz you'ze jellus, izzall.
And _hell_ yeah I'd do her. I'd even do her after K-Fed's turn. (Well, OK...maybe not then...)

That bitch has made my ears bleed. And my eyes. She's a great singer? Ya and Lindsay Lohan isn't a whore either. Riiiight.

When she sings (and I use that word very loosely) 'Stars are blind',I wish I was deaf.

Do you guys realise how much money it costs a year for her to look like that? A beeping lot, and she doesn't even look good! I saw her doing an interview on TV and she was as boring as watching Nicole eat.. I'm going to laugh tears at whoever buys that record!!

*looks at the pic*

She's gonna throw her back out doing that.

Ripping of Blondie (Tide is high) and Gwen Stefanis voice.

Darlings, I really don't know why you're so down on this beautiful, talented girl. And she has only slept with like 2 people EVER - she said so in British Elle. I mean, why would someone so fabulous have to lie? You're all just jealous cats who don't know a good thing when you see it.

I'm going to leave my office immediately and rush out and buy that musical poetry. Well, maybe I should leave it until a day when I'm not wearing so much mascara.

If her STDs weren't a problem of pandemic proportion, her singing career is. At least we have Valtrex for the herps.

I think Paris Hilton is the most talentless, useless person ever to grace this Earth!! The fact that she's so dillusional about her so-called "talent" and her "looks" is pathetic! Paris looks like a cooked prawn!!! She's feral! If she wasn't famous, people would not look twice at her. Once u chisel off that make-up, she's fugly!! And as for her fat-ass, cocaine bloated billionaire pal Brandon Davis... he needs to get over himself and get into rehab! I think little sluts like Paris should be wiped off the Earth before she infects everyone with her wretched disease!!!

This woman is the ultimate in hype without substance. She could patient that.

*********************************
Ask the Science Guy
*********************************
PARIS HILTON IS EVEN HOTTER THAN ANN COULTER
I have a friend who works at AOL and he drives a heavy duty pickup truck to work everyday. One of his co-workers told him he was stupid for using a jumbo pickup truck as daily transportation. THIS IS SO FUNNY! My friend replied, "You see I transport loads of fresh air from the valley up to the business park, so you aught to thank me for all the fresh air". His co-worker just stood there silent with her jaw hanging open like a fool. Think about that the next time you criticize a jumbo truck. WE TRANSPORT FRESH AIR in the back of our truck. You can't see it, but it's there. I LOVE BIG FAT TRUCKS!

Blender magazine....hmmmmm I'd like to chuck this skank into a blender, feet first. Set it to Grate and record my new ringtone, car horn, wake-up alarm, fire-alarm, Windows Startup greeting, Aroma therapy CD, etc..

Hahahahaha...Scienceguy you...hehe, you, doode, we don't get nearly enough jumbo pick-up truck humor around here, 'kudos to you sir.

She's moved to tears, I move my bowels.
Same difference.

Imagine hundreds of starving talented bands/musicians in LA, that didn't have the chance to be signed by a big label because they're not partying heirs. Paris became 'famous' because she was born a Hilton, not because of her cheap Britney-ish voice.

Why, oh please WHY would I buy the CD of an untalented rich and bragging bitch who cries to HER OWN CD when my cat sings better than her? She's a pure marketing product.

Skank! Look at that pose. She's at her worst state ever. She's a joke.

I forgot to mention that every untalented bitch these days has to justify her lack of talent by ordering the writing of a song in her album about jealousy and how she doesn't care about haters. Paris did, Hohan did, and Hilary Duff did (but I admit she's less skanky though). Do the math.

This chick is the ultimate manifestation of "the lights are on, but nobody's home". That and she changes hairstyles more than she changes her underwear, when she wears them. Why didn't her helicopter crash in Germany?? Life ain't fair I tell you. I would have donated half of my failing liver to research on the effects of over consumption of alcohol to watch this herpes whore running out of a fiery crash screaming "THAT'S HOT!!! THAT'S HOT!!!"

#59 - this is hilarious!

Go Paris!

This, combined with K-fed on stage is the sign of the end of the world....Goodbye music industry. I miss the days of GOOD music....

The Go-Go's called, they want their clothes back.

Did she just say that out loud?

Ok, you know what would be tootilly kewl and might cause the apocalypse? (or at least the apocalyso facto?)

K-Fed/Paris duet single!

they dont know who it is because it sounds like somebody put gwen stefani and 80s madonna in a blender, and overproduced it to death. it doesnt sound like anyone. it could have been made by a robot. that would be way cooler anyway. cunt.

The worst move she ever made was doing that Simple Life show. Before that when I just saw pictures of her partying it up with her dumbass sister I just thought they were bored, idle rich people with no class and no purpose whatsoever in life. After watching her on the Simple Life now I KNOW that's true. She has to be one of the dumbest human beings on the planet. I'd like to see her and Jessica Simpson go at to see who in fact is the dumbest person alive. It would be too close to call.

The Go-Gos were never that skeletal....

@63..How dare you sir/madam, you've gone too far!!

NEVER SPEAK OF THE GO GO's unless they address you first!

I think she is crying because she is hypnotized by her own dress.
And I guess I would cry too if I thought I just killed a zebra...and if I had no talent but masked my no-talent issues with lots of random sex and STDs.

oh and drinking and drugs and anorexia and plastic surgery....you know....the popular things nowadays.

I'm sure I'm going to cry when I hear it because it's "like...gonna be like...so good"

I ve listened to her album! And you know what? I cried too! And as I sat there sobbing I thought of the exact same think i think she s thinking...pure, hollow, absolute nothing. Long live the idle long blonde bimbo for she is fun!

Someone should put a hit out on her. Howcome she doesn't get stalked by insane people with barbed wire?

This outfit is proof that stars are, indeed, blind.

There are so many talented singers in the world and this girl gets a record deal. Money can certianly buy fame.

I said it a long time ago.. probably on one of these post about 8 months ago.

the album will be good, and it will sell.

What bothers me is when I was walking through the mall, I saw this huge poster of her in a music store window.

It wasn't just the fact that HER picture was in a MUSIC store, but the fact that she was looking in two directions simultaneously.

Does MeganHarris cry when she reads her own posts?

I cried this morning on the toilet after passing beer-sloppy hot wings. An experience I would imagine is quite similar to listening to this album.

Beware ladies, if this CD is your collection not only are guys not going to fuck you, they will probably punch you before they leave. I'd piss on your CD player too, but I'm funny like that.

I'm just wondering what will be on her album cover...her face or her vag? Both are almost equally recognizable at this point.

Gee, can your phone record mp3s and make ringtones? Paris's can.

I can't believe somebody said she looks hot in that pic, it makes her look oddly pregnant...which I hope isn't true because I saw Ghostbusters 2 and I'm pretty sure that's what's going to happen when Paris has a baby.

Since when did 2 nose jobs + color contacts (check it her eyes are naturally brown) - tits = sexy ??

Am I missing something?

Oh and one more thing

SHE HAS A FUCKING LAZY EYE people!!!

gross!

What a TOTAL Moron

#74 LMAO.. best call of this post, bravo!

#83 I'm missing it too! LOL

BUT

I like her legs minus the fake tan and her boots are hot. Does she workout or just not eat?

Hey she even has a song dedicated to her!
www.outputrecordings.com/video/mu/

move ur body-body

the rol;e model of all bitches strikes again with a not even a penny worth albun man if i see won in store oer that price rate i'll sue the place

For God's sake, have any of you even LISTENED to it? Do that, and forget it's Paris for a minute. It's actually got some darn good tracks. Jealousy, Turn You On, the album-version of Screwed and Turn It Up are all kiiiller... and just because I am a huge fan or good rnb doesn't mean I idolize Paris Hilton.

#9

mr. angry ferret, sir

i bow before thee.

your site is some funny shit. insightful, too.

buns

OMG UR JOS JELLOS PRIS HILTON IS AND A AMAZONG SINGER!!! Bu PPL NEET TO GET ALIFE !! sHE NOTGONG ANNYWERE!! I luf her by!!!

Just kidding! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Die, Paris, die!!

yeah, suuuuure...she sucks