Aug 9 2006Paris Hilton gets a ticket
Paris Hilton was issued a traffic ticket after parking in a red zone and losing the keys to her $400,000 Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. And living up to the Hilton family name, Nicky Hilton stupidly asks: "Can I put time in her meter for her?" failing to realize that they're parked in a red zone.
"She's not above the law," says the refreshingly fair traffic officer. "No one's above the law."
And if that weren't bad enough, a reader who's friends with Paris' assistant (the woman driving the car at the end) says the keys were actually in the ignition the whole time. So she can tell me all she wants her stupid blonde persona is just an act, but if it looks, acts, and quacks like a duck, I'm pretty fucking sure it's a spoiled bitch who parks in red zones and thinks two plus two equals doggie.

Reader Comments
1. scrooge - August 9, 2006 6:39 PM
They haven't taken away her license yet?
2. isegoria - August 9, 2006 6:40 PM
hahahha
what a dumb cunt.
3. BarbadoSlim - August 9, 2006 6:42 PM
I bet her car reeks of weed, crusty semen and Brandon Davis.
double yuck
4. MeanNate - August 9, 2006 6:43 PM
The first place I would've looked for the missing keys would be her vagina. And by "vagina" I mean STD factory.
5. MissaRB - August 9, 2006 6:45 PM
If you don't want attention when you park in front of the free clinic..
Don't park in a red zone
6. RichPort - August 9, 2006 7:00 PM
Every idiot that's ever been with he feels like he's parked in a red zone. And herpes is one hell of a ticket...
7. Ivana Mandalay - August 9, 2006 7:01 PM
God, I wish this stupid bitch would just go die somewhere already. What a waste of human skin.
8. Adult Underoos - August 9, 2006 7:07 PM
i want to poop on her windshield
9. MissaRB - August 9, 2006 7:10 PM
My man was about to rock my world- then he saw Paris - maybe tomorrow - thanks SF guy
10. BarbadoSlim - August 9, 2006 7:12 PM
If the L.A.P.D. had any cojones they would chase her down for an alleged "busted tailight" and then proceed to beat her, and any companions, to death with their clubs.
She could be listed as killed while resisting.
11. The Juice - August 9, 2006 7:15 PM
Im absolutely sure that all the idiot hollywood types cant resist reading about themselves. So Paris I'm sure you'll read this. You look like a fucking muppet. Do you know what a muppet is? Good... well you look like Gonzo with that fucking beak, that big head, and that slit you call a mouth.
12. sharkbite - August 9, 2006 7:17 PM
LOL @ the Hilton sisters. So darling, in their stupidity.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
13. SkinnySnobbyBitch - August 9, 2006 7:18 PM
#11 You are my hero.
I needed a good laugh. TY
14. ToiletDuck - August 9, 2006 7:21 PM
Stupid fuckin' whore...
I wonder if she offered the cop a blowjob to get out of the ticket...
15. UNWASHEDMASSES - August 9, 2006 7:21 PM
The keys were in the ignition. Let that one sink in, folks. The infantile bitch left the keys to a $400,000.00 automobile in the ignition. Now consider this - if she's that careless with her limited edition Benz, how careless is she with her gaping cock hilt? If it wasn't attached to her, or her routine STD flare ups didn't demand attention, her pussy would be probably be used as a hackey sack by a bunch of Vietnamese kids.
16. stingybtchsuzy - August 9, 2006 7:23 PM
crusty semen and Brandon Davis?
I could have eaten after crusty semen. But thinking about Brandon Davis, the Human Exxon Valdez? I don't think I can eat the rest of the week...thanks, BarbadoSlim...
17. Italian Stallion - August 9, 2006 7:26 PM
She's so fucking stupid!!!
She thought the sign said end zone. She's so used to guy's yelling touchdown when they score with her herpe ass, she figured she would try to score one herself but failed as usual..........
18. stingybtchsuzy - August 9, 2006 7:26 PM
#15 - isn't this the same car she "lost" in a bet at one of her parents' casinos? pish, what's $400K? the Austrians pay her that to wave at people over there....
19. SkinnySnobbyBitch - August 9, 2006 7:28 PM
And a P.S. as fat as I supposedly (cunt zpell rite) am to the person who thinks I'm fat...you're right. I'm a BIG FAT SACK OF SHIT! All I ever do is sit in front of the computer and put other people down. Except, of course, when I'm dragging my fat ass around the mall tracking down the best deals so I can be unique just like everybody else. And I'm a slutbag that has sex with guys and doesn't use a condom, then cries to my friends when I gat an STD or pregnant. Oh...and I'm sooooooo stupid that I researched Wrigley stadium to do my book report on "Catcher in the Rye"
(*rolls eyes, smirks, smacks lips, and gets on with life*)
20. guest1234567 - August 9, 2006 7:32 PM
The Greeks invented Paris Hilton.
21. PunjabPete - August 9, 2006 7:34 PM
#15 It is used for that but the kids were Greek...
PDP - PLEASE DIE PARIS
TCLTC - with whipped cream...
22. bigponie - August 9, 2006 7:41 PM
Wanna know how to swindle a million dollars from Paris.
whisper in her ear and say, "if you pay me a million dollars, I'll let you suck my dick"...easy money
23. ToiletDuck - August 9, 2006 7:42 PM
They should arrest her, take a horrendously ugly picture of her, then toss her into a cell full of hard core black prostitutes who would hold her down and perform forced cunnilingus on her while the guards looked the other way...
Oops, I forgot, she would like that...
24. ChickenScratch - August 9, 2006 8:04 PM
@18
Nope, that was all fake, snopes.com told me so.
Apparently in our day and age, you can't use cars, jewels, pink slips, underoo's, and so on to make a bet, only cash.
I used to love Gonzo, now I see him differently.
25. krisdylee - August 9, 2006 8:18 PM
I am starting to find Paris intriguing... in a "what the fuck is wrong with the world that can produce such an idiotic slut who thinks she is worthy of adoration" kind of way.
26. Jacq - August 9, 2006 8:25 PM
Who the fuck leaves a $400K car UNLOCKED? Stupid whore. Then again, I've never gotten near a car that expensive which probably means that I don't deserve to be alive.
27. pirhan - August 9, 2006 8:26 PM
That's freaking awesome.
28. The Juice - August 9, 2006 8:29 PM
#13, np.Hey Paris... know what np means. hahah. NO YOU DONT!!! haha
Pairs portrait-> :/(
29. The Juice - August 9, 2006 8:31 PM
Another Paris portrait
*:/) Nice hairdo!!
30. HolisticWisdomcom - August 9, 2006 8:31 PM
Oh, is that what the pretty red color is for?
http://www.holisticwisdom.com/paris-hilton-sex-tape.htm
31. PunjabPete - August 9, 2006 8:47 PM
You know this is all our fault... we let them walk among us freely...
32. nc72 - August 9, 2006 9:50 PM
No one's above the law? And if the parking maid got a ticket do you think she'd have to pay as well?
http://www.exposay.com/paris-hilton/1/c/1751/
33. LL - August 9, 2006 11:33 PM
Jebus, #11 is right, she does sorta look like Gonzo, can't believe I never noticed it before. Except I think Gonzo's IQ is higher. And he's a puppet made entirely of fabric. An inanimate object. I think you see where I'm goin with this.
Having said that, Paris should have just started screamin about Jews, then millions of people would have elevated her to sainthood and defended her by saying that people are persecuting her by pointing out when she says stupid things that reflect how much she really really hates Jews.
You have all that money, Paris, buy a clue. Damn.
34. lindseyissocool - August 9, 2006 11:33 PM
There is nothing worse than a stupid bitch that will never admit that she's RETARDED... and a whore... and without personality ('cause we all know that you can be a retard and have personality... we'll love you)... or trying to pretend that you have talent. GIVE IT UP PARIS, WE ALL KNOW YOU SUCK, BUT THE ULTIMATE GETTING REAL WITH THE WORLD: ADMIT THAT YOU ARE A RETARD, HAVE NO PERSONALITY AND TRULY SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO LIVE.
35. blueballs - August 9, 2006 11:49 PM
What makes her really stupid is that she buys a $400,000 car.
36. dmarie - August 10, 2006 12:24 AM
@ #20. Well said. Although, at least in this picture we don't actually have to SEE Paris Hilton, which by FDA standards requires a condom. Which is bad for us girls...
37. babybunny - August 10, 2006 12:33 AM
Why am I commenting on this...because I hope Parasite will be curious to know how intensely disliked she is by oh, the entire human race, just to name a few people. I wonder, if I was born into a shitload of money, would I be that obnoxious, and blatantly offensive (I'm trying not to be too over the top here) and just plain nasty...no, I would try to maintain a modicom of modesty...PARASITE, PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU...YOU ARE A NASTY SPOILED CUNT...AND YOU NEED TO - well so much for not going over the top, but you need to seriously disappear for about 10 - 90 years...
38. dmarie - August 10, 2006 1:04 AM
@ 37- is 10-90 years the incubation period for super-herpes?
seriously LMAO.
39. somethingoriginal - August 10, 2006 5:14 AM
i'm kind of surprised she hasn't started driving on the footpath.
40. lisad71 - August 10, 2006 5:57 AM
@23 This is actually the storyline for the next "The Simple Life". Paris and Nicole's big falling out was over Paris wanting all that plunger action for her self. And the prisoners aren't going to perform cunnilingus on her - even they have standards.
41. yasmin3000y - August 10, 2006 6:29 AM
r u guys jus jelouse of her or somethin???because really as much as i dnt like her i still think what u guys r sayin is pretty harsh
42. Chelsea Crazy - August 10, 2006 7:38 AM
What are you? Good witch of the east? Perlease....... She deserves what she gets... She brings it on herself just to get attention.... we've had enuff of her alredi
43. RichPort - August 10, 2006 8:51 AM
I got a ticket once for parking my $400 '78 Pinto on the side of the highway, which I'm told is always a no parking zone. Actually the ticket was for taking a massive dump on the highway shoulder in full view of law enforcement. And by ticket of course I mean a government issued revolver to my neck and mace to my eyes. Apparently reaching for your cellphone at night after admitting to a cop that you're so high you think he looks like Eric Estrada and then calling him a greasy wetback makes some cops nervous. Last time I go to Tiajuana on a drunken dare...
44. jrzmommy - August 10, 2006 9:07 AM
As if she cares. I mean, the chick pulls up to wherever the hell it was and sees an empty spot right in front and, being that she has the world's most unbelievable sense of entitlement, just thinks, "Duh, of course this spot's for me!" never considering it's a No Parking zone. The word NO has never been introduced to these two. I think the Superfish guy summed up Nicky Hilton's intelligence perfectly when he said she is the kind of kid that would accidentaly glue her hands to her face in school and then blame the class hamster.
45. sweetcheeks - August 10, 2006 9:08 AM
Lindsay Lohan girds her loins with granny panties.
46. DancingQueen - August 10, 2006 9:32 AM
If I had F-U money like this dumb bitch I would just disappear and live the high life. I'd definitely buy an island in the Caribbean so I could get away from people like her. Why does this publicity whore need so much attention I wonder? Not enough hugs when she was a child obviously. Just goes to prove that money cannot buy love. Or brains.
47. spatz - August 10, 2006 9:55 AM
41 r u drnk?
48. dmarie - August 10, 2006 10:18 AM
Paris Hilton is a waste of space and oxygen. She grasps at fame, but the fact is that she is still a (barely) B-list celebrity with no talent. Oh wait, is having sex with 592834 guys a talent? Well, I guess she screwed the pooch on that one now too because apparently she doesn't do that anymore either.
Here is a tip, Paris. Take cash for your services, it would be more honest.
49. Bioplant - August 10, 2006 10:23 AM
I liked her video. Was the feel good movie of the year.
50. Spunkbubble on J. Alba's chest - August 10, 2006 10:27 AM
We've all seen "what a whore" or "what a retard " on here about this broad (god knows ive done it a 100 times) a zillion times so I am going to approach this comment on a more serious note.
If your mega rich and your goal in life is to be an entertainer don't you think the sensible solution would be to take acting, singing, and dancing lessons? Oh. I 'm sorry I forgot who we were talking about here.
51. dmarie - August 10, 2006 10:37 AM
@#50...do they have lap-dancing lessons?
52. The Devil's Prom Date - August 10, 2006 10:38 AM
Here's a math problem even Nicole Richie could handle: (Paris Hilton minus vast family fortune) plus corrective lazy-eye surgery divided by number of cocks swallowed has a value less than/equal to whore.
53. krisdylee - August 10, 2006 10:46 AM
@39 - footpath? Love it.
Gotta go take me poochie for a walkie on the footpath. Ta-ta
54. Miss_Marple - August 10, 2006 12:07 PM
#41
You are so fucking retarded.
I can't wait until elementary school starts up again so that morons like you will have a place to go.
55. bloodyvictim - August 10, 2006 12:22 PM
"So she can tell me all she wants her stupid blonde persona is just an act, but if it looks, acts, and quacks like a duck, I'm pretty fucking sure it's a spoiled bitch who parks in red zones and thinks two plus two equals doggie."
This is the best thing I've ever read.
56. Raschied - August 10, 2006 12:25 PM
I'm surprised the giant mutant herpes on the front seat didn't see the keys in the ignition and take the car for a little spin.
57. discerningcritic - August 10, 2006 1:19 PM
I don't understand why Nicky tries to help Paris at all these days. Paris is a selfish attention whore and doesn't give a crap about her sister (remember when she tried to plaster her name all over their JOINT business venture?) If I were Nicky, I'd say screw her, she's on her own.
http://freshnotes.com/StaticSite/Subjects/10100/11535/index.html
58. yasmin3000y - August 10, 2006 5:50 PM
erm ok im bought i also hate her now, this is the same person as #41 btw. but c'mon do any of u actually thinks she gives 2 fucks bout what u guys t think of her??
59. ImSuicidal - August 10, 2006 11:52 PM
biatcho - Hopeless_ ask me to invite you to a party over at: www.spankcheeks.blogspot.com . He's got a new name "cock"- something or other
He'll want you to bring a gift!
PS He's in the witness protection program so keep it hush, hush.
60. Athertongal - August 15, 2006 12:34 AM
All you a55holes and cunts are just jealous of her for the car and family name and what you will never have is Paris's car.
you people must die
61. Athertongal - August 15, 2006 12:39 AM
yea just keep talking shit you dumb fat ugly cunts and a55holes, people who talk shit are all jealous of her, family name and what she has to drive and that's what none of you will ever have so all you shit talkers should die
62. Dj CMS - May 28, 2007 4:01 PM
hey u, i'm Greek and i don't want to have any relationships with that cocksucker whore. she has even been ucked by dogs!!!!
HER CAR MUST BE SO WET... BECAUSE SHE WEARS NO UNDERWEAR !!!!
and somthing else, when greeks had civilization, others,like u, were eating grass and berries................