Aug 21 2006Kevin Federline rocks the Teen Choice Awards

Wow... how craptacular

I unfortunately caught the beginning of his "performance" last night, and I started cracking up when he calls himself a "superstar". I couldn't look away, it was like a freakin' trainwreck. The only way I was able to pull myself away from it was by skewering both eyes with an icepick. It worked, but the unfortunate part is that I'm now legally blind. Good thing for me my typing skills are spectacular and I don't need no stinkin' eyes to type.

K-Fed should be dragged out into the street and shot. :)

http://www.10pennypixel.com

I couldn't watch more than a minute and a half of it. I almost hit the stop button when Britney came out smackin' her gum like the hillbilly that she is.

"In breaking news, thousands of teens dropped dead of severe ear hemmoraging and inexplicable brain trauma at the Teen Choice Awards last night, when the performer Kevin Federline was asked for comment he only replied, "whatever, they're all haters." "

OH MY GOD!! How is this loser allowed to perform in front of young impressionable children. Oh the horror! He must be stopped, think of the children!!

Vanilla Ice

Anyone remotely interested in this shoud be anesthetized at once.
This man has hidden talent. Apparently, his pants are hiding it. He should stay home and be Mr. Mom.

@1 Craptacular, I love it :)

What. A. Douchebag.

I have great faith in the future of America.

I wonder if Spears is still smacking the same wad of gum she was chewing on the Lauder interview; being "country" and all, she'd want to save the money, you know.

I have to admit that K-Fed isn't as bad as I'd feared. Not great, but not totally terrible either. Still, it's worth noting that he needed a leg-up from Spears.

You people should be ashamed, mocking an 112 lb. Cerebral Palsy victim like that. It must have taken an enormous amount of nerve to go out there twitching and stumbling uncontrolably.

At first I thought it wasn't that bad, then I realize it was some anonymous black guy introducing THE MAN. Amazing how the crowd went from {WILD} to {WHAT?} in a matter of seconds.

What makes it even worse is that this will probably get him more gigs.

I ALMOST pity the guy- I mean, come on- making your debut stage appearance on a Teen Choice Awards show is degrading enough, but the reaction of the audience- "Who the fuck...? Oh, isn't he married to...? Man, this really sucks, but cuz we're on t.v., I guess I gotta kinda pretend to get down..." I'm sure the only people truly smiling and acting like they were enjoying themselves were the seven or eight black guys he pays to hang around with him, and that was ONLY because their paychecks depend upon it.
As if being married to Britney isn't embarrassing enough.
Ten bucks says he spent the majority of last night and today stoned out of his mind, trying to forget...

if I had been standing in that audience and that moron had come down I would've dropkicked him

IT'S K-FED DAMMIT

http://www.celebslam.com

If by, "hip hop flavor mixed with rock and roll" he means "fecal matter mixed with Sean Preston's vomit" he's probably onto something.

#6 - This douche isn't worth a cup of Vanilla Ice's piss... And that is pretty sad....

Forgot to mention the best part. If you happened to be out last night and missed it, they replay the kids choice awards about 1,252 times in the next month and a half.

Oh the humanity

It goes a long way to fueling the rumor that K-Fag was Brit's drug supplier, as he doesn't even dance onstage! That's the guy's only claim of legitimacy, other than virile sperm, and he has other dancers put on the show - lame, and suspicious. I've never bought this guy was a back-up dancer. Why didn't he dance for Britney? Why hasn't he danced in any of her videos a'la Cris Judd/J-Lo? And should his rapping even be addressed? Just another Vanilla Ice retread (which we need like another 9/11). What disturbed me most, was not his rapping, or lack of dance moves, but the response of the crowd. What do they put in those kids' soft drinks? LSD? His album better not be successful. In spite of crap like Justin Timberlake and P-Diddy, I'd like to think the public has some strands of taste left.

The scariest part of all is that every girl in that crowd is now pregnant. The K-Fed seed knows no limits!

http://angry-ferret.blogspot.com/2006/08/oops-she-did-it-again.html

Bahahaha. He once said Brit was his toughest critic. Yeah right...

http://www.exposay.com/kevin-federline/1/c/2390/

I am convinced this is the 7th sign, the coming of the apocalypse. We will probably get invaded by an alien race tomorrow who will know that now is the perfect time to strike. Thus human Meth experiment is not gangsta, not with a gum smacking prego introducing him. I'm surprised she had shoes on. I mean, if we're willing to stoop to Federfuck's inane attempts at convincing us he's relevant, we deserve to become extinct. I hear that's what happened to the dinosaurs...

Dicky Dickford strikes again. Will he ever just go away? This has got to be the longest 15 minutes of fame I've ever seen anyone ride out.

1) Did he seriously call himself a "superstar"?
2) The audience's confusion is incredible to watch.
3) Look out for the people clapping in the audience who can't decide whether they should be clapping on the beat or the backbeat.
4) Britney is the classy one in the relationship and she's *chewing gum while she speaks in front of thousands of people*. Fabulous.
5) Other than the "superstar" thing I couldn't make out a damn thing he said. What is he rapping about?

Poor Brit.

Perhaps we can start a rumour that K-Fed has been dissing Eminem; then Eminem can add to the gangster image and take this douche bag out.
Someone, please, shoot him, shoot him now.

That's five minutes of my life I'll never get back. And yet I couldn't look away...

Does he remind you of anyone???
Vanilla Ice!

and could brit wear anything trashier??
she looks like poopy

Correct me if I am wrong, but did he just rhyme hip-hop with flip-flop??

Hey, anyone who can make me look like the most talented person in the world needs a standing ovation.

It's pretty pathetic when you need back-up rappers to rap along with you instead of just going "yeah, yeah" in the background.

I don't know about any of you, but I wanna smack Brit's preggo boobs around.

Oh, and KFLTC. Sounds like a bad restaurant.

somebody need to kick dis white boys ass for real though i used to say i like the dumb nigger but yo dat shit was ghetto horrific dem little kids dance better

Kevin "chose" that show to make his live debut? Or did the show happen to draw the short straw? At least the rest of my week HAS to be better!

oops...as I was saying....magically revealed to be the Spedersperm, I was appalled that Britney's "Mayun" not only couldn't dance, he had no fuckn rhythm in his rap at all. And magically, the 2-chord piano riff turned back up and no one was at the piano. He would have done better to have lip-synched it. Or maybe that WAS him lip-synching his best studio-enchanced version.

I am just amazed.

damn, superficial ate my post about Loretta Lynn in her nighty appearing onstage...

I hate K-Fag!

Was that DJ Jazzy Jeff on the turntables?

I thought he did pretty good. The words meant something is his life. He has some realness to him that's poignent. He'll grow. He may even get good. He seems like a decent guy.

I didn't see any audience confusion, you're full o shit.

Wow. Just what I've been praying for, another guy to let the youth of America know that the most important things on this planet are closets full of kicks and garages full of whips.

It's K-RAP.

Oh Man!! Even Milli Vanilli had more talent than that crap.

#18 - you are so RIGHT!! I wanna see proof that K-Fag was actually a dancer in some video or on some tour. Video fucking proof!

And, by dancing, I don't mean the stoned jigglies people get when they're jonesing for cheetos.

37 , you are a dumbass.

He is the worst rapper I have ever, EVER witnessed drop a track. I follow rap and I can honestly tell you that he SUCKS BALLS.

And if by "a decent guy" you meant "Ass-licking no talent scrub-leech who impregnates everything in his line of vision and then gets high" then yes. He really seems like a decent guy.

I'm ashamed to say it, but I actually kind of liked that piano loop. Granted, this is only because that was the only thing that resembled music in the entire...performance, but still.

I also didn't notice any real confusion in the audience. Come on, this is the Teen Choice Awards; they'd clap and cheer for a monkey banging on a snare drum if some pseudo-celebrity told them to. Although, they did seem to be cheering for the dancers more than K-Fed.

Ok ok, he kinda reminds me of Fred Durst up there on stage. Fred Durst was also a joke. A joke is only funny the first time around.

Plus this is just bad.

Plus PaisleyMoon is probably Britney giving you the finger.

@ "craptacular":

I was thinking more along the lines of "craptastic" but its the same general sentiment.

This guy is like Vanilla Ice, but worse and more white trash. (I had no idea that was even possible!)

This guy is a clown. All that's is missing are the big clown shoes. This guy is the luckiest 30 Thousand Dollar Millionaire ever!
www.30thousanddollarmillionaire.com

2 words: White Trash....no wait,um Trailer Trash...better yet Wanna Be...or Freakin BUM.And if Brit ever wakes up...Job Less!

When is this guy going to stop being news. Who cares. How many times can you say "Stupid".

http://www.spoonspam.com

Why would you do that to us ? We come here and read the Superficial to be entertained, sometimes to laugh, sometimes to cry, sometimes in sympathy, sometimes in disdain.

This was just plain shit. K-Fud needs to learn to cook and stay at home feeding the K-Kids...

There were some parts of the performance that were good...but none involved K-Sped. The piano was nice, the player is obviously talented. The dancers were awesome and the DJ guy was good because you could at least focus on him performing instead of those little grunts and nonsensical babble spewing out of Mr. Spears' mouth.

From the AP Desk, USA

Timeline: Teen Choice Awards

Authorities are not really investigating what transpired at the "TCA's" last night. As far as they or anyone can gather, fire from at least sixty Browning Automatic Rifles broke out from the croud after "DJ" Dickhead called the mantra "MAKE SOME NOIIIIZE" at a Kevin Federline ....er...performance.

No stray fire was reported, no innocents were wounded, all shots fired hit Federline in the head. A spokesperson for the Police acknowledges that nobody cares about his condition, paramedics have not been dispatched, they speculate that disposal of his remains is discretionary for the maintenance engineering staff for the venue.

No arrests are expected since the police are only investigating what took so long.

#45-
How funny you mention Fred Durst! I was just thinking about how Durst likes to "rhyme" words with themselves; K-Fed just rhymed "superstar" with "superstar" (that crap about how he's a superstar juxtaposed with the truth: the line about how he married a superstar)

My gf has a better flow than that hick - but it does make her cranky. (More cowbell Kfed! and more banjo!)

My God. That was one of the most hilarious things I've seen. Shame for K-Fed that my uproarious laughter was not the reaction he was probably striving for. As said, Ice was better than this ass-clown!

The piano part was good, yes. But the "rapping" part? Eeesh! That performance was only saved by the sole talent on the stage - the dancers (which contrary to rumors K-fed should be) and the DJ who kept the crowd distracted enough to not remember the lack of rhythm and talent the "superstar" (lol) is supposed to have. Painful. Probably the longest five minutes in a while. But boy was it funny seeing him pretend to be the next coming!

At least Vanilla Ice knew when to stop and disappear before things got REALLY ugly.

That pose when he first turns around from the piano...I wish Dane Cook would have ran over there and uppercut-ed his punk ass, preferably over a table with a bowl of punch or cake on it.

Oh, and is it just me or is his timing way off (covered by "YEAH BOY" and "UH-HUH YEAAAAY")?

Now, someone please have Suge Knight dangle this moron out of a window and that'll take care of this second coming of Vanilla Ice.

#58 - HA!!! But only if he promises to lose his grip.

What happened to Popozau??? That song was a lot better than this crap, i mean rap.

Wow. I didn't even have to wait for the morning sickness to kick in to upchuck my breakfast today.

Dear god, this means that I, a 37 year old midwestern white woman with no rapping skills could have a "career" in "music" too if only I could be the spouse of someone with money and little brains ... I have to go start writing tales of my 'hood. What rhymes with corn besides porn?

he makes vanilla ice and snow look like Tupac and Biggie

@63..werd

:)

poo poo poopoofag poo poo POOPOOFAG POOPOOFAG

I never thought the day would come when I would be embarrassed for Kevin Federline, but... there you go. I was cringing in actual physical discomfort when I tried to watch this. I had to stop before I spontaneously combusted.

I think it's sad that no one behind the scenes likes Kevin enough to inform him of the magnitude of his suckage BEFORE he went out and humiliated himself on stage in front of millions of people. Sad, but strangely appropriate.

I loooove that he raps about "HIS" Lamborgini, and "HIS" Ferrarri. Hilarious. This was not the way I wanted to start my week, but what can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment....y'allll.

Does the world really need more scumbag wiggers?

As bad as Britney and K-Fed are, I found Jessica Simpson to be the most appalling of all. She is a talentless bitch, who has NO personality whatsoever. Her stage presence does NOT exist. Her chemistry with Dane Cook was awful. Not only that, what was with the 3 half naked bimbos in the hottub? Isnt this the teen choice awards? What do 3 bimbos in a hottub have to do with teens. No wonder the teens of today have body issues. There also was a lot of double entendres used during the evening. Again, isnt this a show for TEENS? Don't these idiots know that there are 12 and 13 year olds watching? Ick factor = 10

now I have to go get the knitting needles removed from my ears and eyes, what the hell was that???????????///

oh dear...not since Vanilla Ice...

I just want Britney to wear a damn bra. Being pregnant isn't an excuse to have nasty ass, droopy boobs.

wow - medical science should take a really good look at this! It is the perfect combination to cause weight loss due to sever nausea and to help persons want to be celibate for the rest of their life. Anytime there is a slide in the willpower - just show this!

Bleeck!

I was thinking, wow, KFed sure does look like a 12 year old boy. Then I realized it wasn't KFed...but a 12 year old boy...that could dance better than Kfed.

What is wrong with Britney?? She was freakin smoking hot and now she's..she's...married to this guy...it makes me want to cry!!! It's not even fun to make fun of her anymore because it's too EASY!!!!!!

In other news, Dane Cook is still hot...

How are you gonna rap about how much money you have when you didn't even earn it? He should become a drug dealer and get some street cred.

He is a cross between Vanilla Ice and Informer, but a lot less cool and missing the fade. Oh wait, he has the fade too. Not ok.

What happened to Britney's clothing stylist. You would think she would at least TRY to look a little glamorous during her pregnancy.

I don't even know what to say 'bout K-Fed, other than Eminem is probably getting a good laugh out of that performance.

Priscilla Presley looked GREAT!

After watching a minute of this shit I had to take a shit. Federline gets the bowels flowing I suppose.

WTF! That has to be the WACKEST! attempt to be a rapper. Weak ass lyrics, f**cked up style! And to perform in front of a bunch of 8-12 year olds! what a loser! What makes losers think that they can be rappers? Being a rapper is not an over night thing or a gangster thing. You gotta be it and respect it. Why brag about your lifestyle when your wench is paying for it?! Why act hard when you aint got no juice or balls?! Why must every wack ass rapper wanna be a gangster?! Real hip hop has nothing to do with being a gangster! Britney is stupid for letting her dude make a fool of himself! This has nothing to do with being white or black. He sucks and the reason he sucks he is trying to be HARD! be yourself fool! thats what hip hop is about. I would have had some little respect for him if he would of came off rapping about not paying child support, impregnating Britney while he was still in an other relationship, mooching of his ol'lady, smoking weed, making money of stupid people who buy into his bullsh*t, being a dead-beat daddy, choosing to hang with his other wigger dudes than his pregnant wife and dressing like he use to dress with his long hair and acting just plain old white.why try to act black.Check your self fool!

#78 that has to be the funniest comment ever!!!

i agree with comment 80

It takes real balls to stand up there and suck out on network TV. I want K fed to play my barmitzva and I'm not even Jewish.

That was fire people, fire.

You know the scary part isnt that he sucks so bad, its that an auditorium full of kids went crazy with adoration for this douchebag cuz the dj told them to... Yup, our future is in good hands all right!

Is that Kevin Federline or a 12 year old boy with a hat on?

Oh my God. My eyes need Band-Aids. That was the most ridiculous effing thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Why the hell couldn't he have been like every other sh*tty 'performer' and fallen off the stage? I can't believe there are 4 little Kevin Federlines in this world. ONE IS TOO MANY!

Pee Ess. Britney, please sew your vagina shut. Don't help this man breed. PLEASE.

Who ever told him he was an outcast? Besides other rappers.

"Everybody throw your hands in the air! Make some noise!"....Nigga for what?

Not even standard rap fare could save this tragedy.

and it sounds like he is using a Missy Elliot track (I think). It doesn't take an ounce of intelligence to grunt out inane "rhymes" along with a beat that was written by someone else.

My dog just shit on the floor and miscarried her litter of puppies after hearing this...

The scariest thing about all this is the fact that he actually stood on stage and did this. Dosn't he know the only reason he was Allowed to get up there is cause of his wife, dosn't he know the only reason those kids cheered is because of his WIFE, dosn't he realise that he's NOT a superstar his name is just know BECAUSE OF HIS WIFE.

I watched the video of Brit that made K-Idiot look smart but SERIOUSLY how can he believe people LIKE HIM, they dont people just LOVE TO HATE HIM! Idiot Idiot Idiot if he believes he will make money from this he is a Certified Idiot. God I wish he read this, try to understand K-Imbecile!

Thats cunt'ry for ya.

Okay, I'm a classically trained singer, so rap isn't exactly my thing. But even *I* know that one of the most important things is the rhythm! K-Fed can't keep the beat, he gets way behind -- the DJ keeps getting ahead of him, and you can hear the poor bastard trying to catch up, but half the time he's like an echo (if echoes were totally incompetent). So here's my question -- he wrote this, right? So why wouldn't you write something YOU CAN AT LEAST PERFORM WELL?!?! I mean, he could have chosen easier words, shorter rhymes, different phrases, whatever -- anything to be able to keep the beat. So his rhythm is SO BAD that he can't even tell he's not keeping up with HIS OWN MATERIAL?!?! And we're supposed to believe he was a good dancer when his sense of rhythm is that freaking pitiful?! Somebody explain this to me, please! Damn.

But the dancers, now, THEY were awesome.

Vanilla Ice must be celebrating right now. Finally someone worse than him on the block!

And by the way!! ,SNOW aka Informer was pretty damn good at reggae!

Just a few brief, yet important observations..........
1)I really don't think that the audience was screaming at him, I think it was more directed to the cool moves done by his dancers.
2)KFed sounds an awful lot like Eminem.....could be a war soon
3)Pretty sad when your backup rapper is doing a better job than you!

hahahaha oh dear that is SO funny. He even tried all the desperate attempts, e.g. being linked to someone famous, having a DJ back him up, the good dancers, the cool special effects on stage, the kid at the beginning pretending to sing... even calling it lose control. man! he tried everything. it still fails in my eyes! and ears.

No wonder he chose the kids choice awards to make his debut. He did it for the same reason that 24 year old guys fuck 16 year old girls....he sucks really really bad and teenagers are the only ones who don't know the difference.

I thank God every day that the train-wreck that is Britney and Kevin is being televised.

God I hate K-fed

wow, those dancers exhibited alot of talent, cant say the same about the K-man can we?

Even Vanilla Ice has more talent that K-Fag. Maybe someday he'll open his eyes and realize that he's not as talented as he thinks. Or not.

wow.cursing at the teen choice awards!this guys a class act!K-Fed keeping it real for the 12 yr olds!

apparently k-fed is taking birth control to stop himself from being impregnated by ... himself, not only to stop himself from creating even more horrid offspring, but obviously to slow his flow.

Again, proof that ANYONE can get a recording contract. Even if you have to create your own company to do so. Not on does his rapping suck, but his lyrics are pointless, style retarded, and "dancing" redundant, but it's all pure proof that he's using Britney as life support. But then again, I think she's as talented as he is.

I for one enjoyed that song and his preformence.

Especially at the end when he fliped that dancer!!....All of u need lives! especually #80 I mean u need a life for writing a comment that fucking huge! I think k-Fed has a chance to make it big!. and right now im gonna have to say that Lose Control is my favorite song!

HOW EMBARASSING! HE WENT OUT THERE AND JUST "RAPPED" ABOUT BULLSHIT.

I WOULD HAVE HAD SOOO MUCH MORE RESPECT IF HE ACTUALLY GOT LYRICAL ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAD SUBSTANCE...

i was sooo embarrased for him.he was so terrible.the guy cant even dance.he was just moving his arm and bouncing to his right side.it sucked sooo bad

106--just go.....now.

#106 - You need a life for actually liking this song and his performance. You are the people that have killed the true essence of hip hop. But it's cool, go on with your bad self lil girl - stick to your guns and defend and love this crap. Crap needs love too and obviously you are the right person to give it love. And dont get it twisted, 100% of the peeps up in here liked his dancers. Them dancers were on point. Top-notch b-boys. Especially that pop-locker, he had some classic ass moves. Our prob is with your boy trying to act black and trying too hard to act "rap". Look in the mirror fool!!! It aint no different to pose around thinking your a bad ass skater and busting your wack ass tricks in front of your own peeps that live off of you and your family at your family pic nic. them fools dont know what's really up and of course theyre gonna clap for your ass too they dont know any better. I think you like the Lose Control song because you lost control of your senses!!! look in the mirror fool! Bring back real hip hop!!!! We taken it back!!!!

If I remember correctly, K-Fed was a backup dancer. The "performance" would have been more interesting if he'd danced, something I suppose he's good at since people were willing to pay him for that (ahem-mademyownlabelcuznobodywantstohearmycrappyhip-hop-ahem).

I'm Not Going To Get On Here & Start Calling Him Names Or Ridiculing His Lack Of Any Form Of Talent Because You Have All Said It For Me. I'm Just Happy That I'm Not Alone In My Feelings For This Travesty. To # 106; I'm Sorry You Feel That Way, I Can Only Assume You Are A Friend Or Relative To Come On Here & Try To Defend That Talentless Hack. He Has No Future & The Sooner He Is No Longer Recognized By The Tabloids (Even For Being A Pathetic Loser Father) The Better Off We All Are. Our Society Is Going Down The Drain Because So Much Of The World's Attention Is Being Focused On The Degredation Of Society That Is K-Fed & Paris Hilton. We Need To Spend Some Time Focusing On People With Actual Talent Who Make Names For Themselves, Not Ride On Coat-Tails Of Other Famous People. K-Fed, It's Time To Understand That We Are Not Laughing With You, We Are Laughing AT You.

Just a little note on the side: watch the kid who gets up to "cheer" at the end of the performance (I don't suggest actually watching it, just fast forward until the end). The wigga waves his arm and screams "PUNK", though the sound is not on at that camera. Cheers.

ha ha...he should just stick to scamming britney