FIRST -- and I'd hit that three times -- once in each hole!!!!

DAMN!! THATS ALL I HAVE

the one word that comes to mind when looking at her is "weathered"

http://www.celebslam.com

Too bad... she probably put that on and thought 'Nick will get jealous'

The most boring woman alive. She looks like a dwarf. The fact that this woman is a star is only proof at how freakin' bored as a society we are. Who is convincing her that these outfits are flattering?

Who wears mom-shorts?

She wears mom-shorts...

I know daddy likes'em!!

on pic #4 is that sweat coming out of her ass?

Hey Superfish guy, what's a "protistute"

You should have given us this story to rag on:
http://www.usatoday.com/life/people/2006-08-14-boy-george_x.htm

Meh. At least she looks healthier then some people, ahem, Nicole Richie. She's got meat, good for her!

I'd hit it up ... I'd hit it down ... I'd hit hanging from the ceiling fan, or with a toaster involved. I'd hit it any which way I could.

Pouch? She is WAY to young to already have a frass. (front ass)

Looks like shizzle. Yo.

Is that MEAT hanging out in picture # 7?

I'd swallow that roast beef.

So tired of her. Shouldn't she be like, a D-list celeb by now?

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

Still sexy.

maybe if she would quit hanging out with FAGS she could get laid again. Doesn't she have any female friends? It seems that the only people around her are paid to be there. But I guess thats what happens when you are as entertaining as she is. Where's Daddy Joe?

oh please. jessica simpson has a great, womanly body. it shocks me how people prefer nichole richie over jessica simpson.

If she had a "third" breast on back and she'd be the perfect woman.

For dancing!!!!!

You'd have an easier time convincing people Jessica's fat if you didn't follow her immediately with the frightening skeleton that is now Nicole Richie. Jessica looks OK, just not quite as fit as she has in the past. Clearly, she's not been keeping up with that "Dukes of Hazzard"/daisy dukes exercise regimen. But wouldn't you rather gaze at her than Nicole? Damn... big asses beat bony ones any day of the week.

Having said that, the shorts are not flattering (and shorts with heels are never cool, no matter what anyone says). She's wearing the shorts because the fashion powers that be are trying to force all of us into short shorts and "skinny jeans" so that anyone with an ass wider than Nicole's will look like a heifer. Mission accomplished!

She still around?

She's wearing that belt because Nick told her it has her first initial on it.

Who was the cameraman on #4, Verne Troyer?

I agree #18, Nicole is Nasty, I'd rather see Jessica Simpson wearing a Mom Jean than what I just saw from Nicole. But I would really love to see Jessica Alba or Scarlett Johanson on a bikini again, summer's only halfway there, there's still hope....

Is that a nip slip in the last picture? I think she's a cute, albeit stupid, girl, but man what a horrid outfit.

NOBODY should wear short shorts. Unles your under twenty and work out regularly. You really shouldn't bother. I'm not being funny but her hairdresser goes with her everywhere. What is she unable to cross the street without having her hair touched up?

Her continued hanging around with her cockloving hair dresser really sends out some bad vibes if she's trying to get laid again. Any certifiably straight guy, and granted in Hollywood that's asking alot, would not spend the night being cockblocked by a fag. There's a certain amount of dignity involved. You can picture the aforementioned hairdresser, intoxicated and horny, saying to any possible suitor of Jessica, "I can suck you longer than she can, big boy. And I make a mean latte in the morning!" How is one to respond to that? Poor Jess, she collects faggots like Lindsay collects STDs.

#11, it's not a frass. (front ass)

It's a straight up FUPA (Fat Upper Pussy Area). Those shorts just scream it. Ugh!

http://et.tv.yahoo.com/newslink/15447/ here's something other than Hohan, simpleson or the grim reaper.

#10 yup, I'd make it water-tight

That's rather unfortunate to wear shorts up to your ass cheeks, four inch heels and your legs STILL look stumpy. I have always sworn that this woman was born with some sort of achrondroplasia. Nothing gets more ridiculous than having your hair stylist follow you to brush the bangs out of your eyes. The worst part about her is the "Come see how good I look!" expression she always sports... What a hag.

I agree that she's got to stop hanging around with Ken Paves as a friend and actually let him do his job - which is supposed to be a HAIRDRESSER. Jessica's hair looks like crap, the outfit is most unbecoming (and polyester?!), and can you image how long it took her in the loo? You have to take the entire stupid outfit off to pee! (Although #7, that may explain your question.)

Could be a nip slip in the last picture. picture #7 is that a lab hanging out?!

what exactly is going on in the car behind her? Is that an amputee on the floor or what?

Ya'd think with so much time spent with her hairdresser - that her hair would look better.

And now I shall play the devil's advocate...

Perhaps Jessica tragically lost all her mirrors to a mirror thief. Or perhaps, Jessica's minions grouped together for some kind of practical joke, telling her "Yeah, girl, those shorts are so hot... you look fan-fucking-tastic... Nick will DEFINITELY be crying in his beer tonight..."

achondroplasia - a-c-h-o-n-d-r-o-p-l-a-s-i-a - achondroplasia

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?r=2&q=achondroplasia

What's with the waistband being jacked up to her chin. Could you wear you pants any higher, Jess? You should, it's a great look....old men have been doing it for years, and they are the most fashionable people on the planet. FUCK I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!! I want to scratch her face off!

I'm sick of pretending reality TV stars are celebrities...I guess she kinda has music, and kinda made a terrible movie....but come on she's only famous for her boring show about her crappy marriage to a man that clearly loathed every word that came out of her mouth.

no more Paris, Nicole, Jessica or worst of all those Laguna Beach skanks...they're boring talentless and all wear the same stupid clothes because they have the same stupid stylist...Rachel Zoe who Allure said single handedly brought back annorexia.

Much preferable to the couch look...

http://www.exposay.com/jessica-simpson-arrives-at-mtvs-trl---07-19-2006/v/3283/

15 - After the trauma that Joe inflicted, is there really any surprise?

You know, for a thin woman she sure knows how to make herself look fat.

She's got a Paris Hilton-style ass-flap happening.
So now that she's divorced, she's a professional fag-hag?

Do you think she can shake it like a polaroid picture?

Great body, not the best outfit. It reminds me of the Olivia Newton John outfit in Grease but with the legs cut off way too high. She looks like she needs a cat whip with that out fit.

http://www.holisticwisdom.com/bdsm-sm.htm

Maybe she thinks if she shows a little ass cheek, no one will notice how FLAT her ass is...

Is that Pam Anderson or Anna Nicole Smith?

Jessica has seen better days, she has a curvy womanly body, and great boobs! However, I can NOT stand this new trend of short ass-revealing shorts, along with the Mischa Barton favorite - the skinny jean! Those should only be worn with boots over them not with ballet slippers...and don't get me started on those...

As old man Jenkins would say: "them's some nifty fitting pants girlie"

hahahaha, any unfortunate suitors have to unbutton and lower her pants to get some tit action going.

And don't even get me started on the Papa Joe's sloppy seconds situation.

She has the ass of a 50 year-old...She's gotta work on that sh*t.

In totally unrelated news (except both women are blond) - Kate Hudson and her husband have split.

Publicist Brad Cafarelli confirmed that Hudson, 27, and Robinson, 39, had split. He offered no details. The couple, who were married on New Year's Eve in 2000, have a 2-year-old son, Ryder.

A spokesman for Robinson said he had no comment on news of the separation, which was first reported by People magazine on its Web site.

@40

Shake it, shake, shake it, shake it (OHH OH)
Shake it, shake it, shake, shake it, shake it, shake it (OHH OH)
Shake it, shake it like a Polaroid Picture, shake it, shake it
Shh you got to, shake it, shh shake it, shake it, got to shake it shake it like a Poloroid Picture

What a fucking prostitute...

Re: #12 & #31:

BUTT-FLAP/DANGLING-LABIA ALERT CONFIRMED in the 7th picture. It's amazing how much I've learned about anatomy by looking at photos of inappropriately dressed celebs-- or rather, how confused I've become, because this excess-flesh-in-the-female-groin thing it getting weird (like all those creepy pictures of Paris Hilton).

Maybe these girls are such hos, their genitalia is getting really loose and just sort of falling off the bone at this point. Isn't that called leprosy or something?

Great rack, very impressive. But if you want to be really really picky she has a little softness in the ass. Not much but given how tight her body looked she had to be called on it. And yes I did say softness in the ass, commence jokes!

1) She's got a great body but this doesn't flatter it in ANYway.

2) She needs a girl friend to tell her what looks good on her because all gay men are whores and they apply that standard to everything.

3) Her toes are weird.

Is that Papa Joe checking out her cooch in the first pic?

pic #9:

guy: hey jessica watch this

*wiggles fingers in front of her face*

jessica: tee-hee-hee-hee-hee

*guy reaches down and cops a feel while she's distracted*

I would hit that shit like Barry Bonds on steroids.

I really wonder about here hair guy. Is he on retainer? She's _always_ out with him, and that's sorta sad. For him, I mean: how's he gonna get any action with her hangin' around?

It's curious that her only friend seems to be her gay hairdresser. What a fag hag.

A word coined at the MN State Fair= gunt- can be used to describe huge hanging gut on males or females.

"on pic #4 is that sweat coming out of her ass?"

I dunno waht it is but I'll take a nice tall glass of it-

shes so fuckin hot

What a douche...doesn't she wear underwear? Or is it the fashion in Hollywood these days to exhibit "splayed labia" when going out on the town...

Nick Lachey and Papa Joe had perfect fucking timing to nail this bitch before she mutated and picked up the Y chromosome.

Now, she's a man, baby!

Jessica looks like a transexual linebacker. Strong cleft chin, flat ass, wide waist, fat gunt, saggy silicon 'sugar tits', ...

I would like to be a fly on the wall just before she goes out for the evening. The discussion with Papa Simpson after he comes up for air...

"Hm, well sweetcheeks, we KNOW there will be lots of photographers there, which we WANT, even though we bitch about the paparazzi, so I think you should dress up like a trampy cunt tonight and really get some serious attention. Maybe you will be lucky enough to make it onto The Superficial!! Besides, Papa will have his big fuckstick waiting for you when you come home."

60. From your 'lips' to god's ear, ...

#61

Hilarious - totally fucking hilarious...

Maybe she's just manly enough for Ken Paves, he does look a bit thrilled with her touch in pic 7.
If hanging labias are the hot new accessory, then I'm in like sin!

#65...

Not if it's dragging on the floor..

Further to...picture #7...

Is this the new "look" this year?? Dumb Cunt??

#7: "on pic #4 is that sweat coming out of her ass?"

No, dummy. It's just some of my Land-Shot. The rest went on to form Lake Pontchartrain.

#68...

Maybe Papa Joe slobbered a bit too much while slurpin' the cooch (like we know he does) and her driver was in a hurry to get going, so she didn't have time to wipe it off...

Eccchhh...

Hotter than anything I'll ever get. Great legs, too ... like Tina Turner's gams. Great shape; and I'm sure she'll cut them up again. She's carrying a little extra weight, but that's just fine for me. If she were black or latina ... people'd be screaming about how hot she looks. White chicks get held to a much stricter weight standard, I find. That's too bad.

Okay, she seems, I dunno, DESPERATE? And is that her dad in the second pic oogling her skanky ass? He's so fucking creepy.

Will someone please buy her a haircomb or brush? It's so messy looking.

Oh my god! Its a playsuit!!

This outfit is a Mariah Carey reject. Even Mariah, who is 10+ years older than Jess wouldn't be caught dead in something this unflattering.

Ugly dress, you can't say she's not gorgeous though. By the way, why does that gay guy follow her around everywhere?

Jessica Simpson walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey, Jess--why the long ass?"

Pic #2 caption: "Really? A pony if I let you come in with me? A PONY???"

Pic #10 - Jess and Manboy playing his favorite game, "Try Not To Poke This Dumb Bitch In the Eye"... he always loses...

Pic #11 - Manboy shows Jess how to "Walk This Way"

Pic #12 - Jess finally masters the age old concept of one foot in front of the other, abandoning her usually "left, left, right" stride, thus avoiding another embarassing spill. The glee (and concentration) is evident on her face.

She has a healthy looking body. I dig her from the neck down. Now her face....I dunno. She looks a bit like Ricky Martin with a blonde wig.

I guess I can send Jessica a t-shirt and a coffee mug now that she's a member of my Big Pussy Club (not affiliated with the Sopranos or any HBO endorsement therein).

the overly-highlighted, manorexic hermaphrodite behind her in the top picture makes me feel like I just looked at something that I shouldn't have looked at.

Every night before bed, I pray that the Lord will shut this site down. So much filth and disgusting posts. May God bless you all.

I definately see VAG in that 7th shot: Saggy, hangy, V-A-G!! Aaaahhhh, I am blind! I feel a yeast infection coming on! :-0

#81 Did I fucking sneeze???

Every night before bed, I pray that the Lord will shut down religious freaks. So much arrogance and superiority. May God bless you with VD.

She's showing a nice scar in 04.

She's got a pussy that would make a bishop kick out a stained glass window.

Yes, I'm back from London. Please don't travel there....security at Heathrow is a nightmare.

@81 Every night before bed, I pray that you will stop eating, you fat fucking bitch!!!

I feel sorry for people who attend your church Edna. It's gotta suck being after you in the communion line and hearing "Body of Christ" "Ooops, sorry, none left. You'll just have to beat Edna in line next time" "Blood of Christ".................

@81: Every night before I go to bed I have a mind-blowing orgasm that requires me to "Thank the Lord in Heaven for my fabulous clit".

God Bless!

Let us give thanks that 6 of her 10 toes are covered. Seriously her feet make me want to hurl.

I think her lab is untucked because there was an amputee or a midget on the passenger floor giving her oral while they were driving.

82 - Big Pussy Club and its affiliates resent your comment and find that you are now banned. Further affiant sayeth not!
Imagine sucking up a big mouthful of duck-butter encrusted labia. What they know about that big pussy, son?!! I rest my case.

She looks fabulous most of the time. Most women would be lucky to look even half as good as her.

There's white stuff on her shorts. Hmmmm, I wonder......

#92

You are the winner of the "Find Papa Joe's Spunk" contest!!! Much like Where's Waldo, but played with Jess and Ashlee, you now get to kick #81's ass for free!!!! And you get to steal #91's lunch money!!! WOO HOO!!!!!

well it's a damned shame that chestica has to resort to such drastic measures as exposing an ass too big for its shorts just to try to reclaim the limelight her renewlyplasticized sister asssleee has stolen.. why can't family just love each other and get along like mine?
http://www.stingybitches.com/page%201.html

i bet her dad picked out that "outfit" for her

Looks hot to me!! I'd hit that all night long!

Looks HOT to me! I'd hit that all night long!!

Hey #81 is simply expressing her opinion; a "crime" we are all guilty of. Jessica is the main point of discussion here. Focus!

badonkadooooonk !

just watched "All Eyes on Christina Aguilera" on MTV yesterday and she wore the exact same outfits (all glitzed up for the stage) no less. SO, I'm wondering if Jess is trying pathetically to out-do XXX-tina????

AND--no one has EVER made a big deal about Christina's fake boobies (they're HUGE now) like they have over Brit-Brit & Lindsay Ho-han.

FLAT ASS

Oh my Jess - what's going on girl? I feel so sorry for Nick. I think maybe he thought he could change her into something other than a 70% plastic barbie doll after he married her, but oh no Old Papa Joe would have none of it.. none of it I tells ya!
I don't like being mean to people or being judgemental but this site is fan-fucking-hilarious!! Cheers to whoever made it and the members that write so brilliantly, who make me laugh uncontrollably at a fucking computer monitor everyday.
Now back to Jess - Since when did she have calf implants too??? What is going on with her man legs?? I can't stand so much plastic surgery it's just fucking sad! She really does look too much like a man in the jawline at times. Sorry Jess..

Oh my Jess - what's going on girl? I feel so sorry for Nick. I think maybe he thought he could change her into something other than a 70% plastic barbie doll after he married her, but oh no Old Papa Joe would have none of it.. none of it I tells ya!
I don't like being mean to people or being judgemental but this site is fan-fucking-hilarious!! Cheers to whoever made it and the members that write so brilliantly, who make me laugh uncontrollably at a fucking computer monitor everyday.
Now back to Jess - Since when did she have calf implants too??? What is going on with her man legs?? I can't stand so much plastic surgery it's just fucking sad! She really does look too much like a man in the jawline at times. Sorry Jess..

Oh my Jess - what's going on girl? I feel so sorry for Nick. I think maybe he thought he could change her into something other than a 70% plastic barbie doll after he married her, but oh no Old Papa Joe would have none of it.. none of it I tells ya!
I don't like being mean to people or being judgemental but this site is fan-fucking-hilarious!! Cheers to whoever made it and the members that write so brilliantly, who make me laugh uncontrollably at a fucking computer monitor everyday.
Now back to Jess - Since when did she have calf implants too??? What is going on with her man legs?? I can't stand so much plastic surgery it's just fucking sad! She really does look too much like a man in the jawline at times. Sorry Jess..