Aug 25 2006Kevin Federline and his personalized Ferrari
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Here's Kevin Federline doing what I can only imagine is his best Lollipop Kids impression. All he needs are some striped socks and a little more 'kick' and he'll have it down perfect.
More of Kevin and his personalized Ferrari after the jump. And by personalized I mean personalized. I've never been so offended by brake pads in my entire life.
Aug 25 2006Megatron gets ass raped
Not really celebrity related, but what did those bastards do to Megatron?
Aug 25 2006Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are infantile
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt spent half an hour sitting in their car outside Scott Caan's Hollywood birthday party because they didn't want to go in and run into Angelina's estranged father, Jon Voight. Brad eventually went in by himself and Voight left soon after, letting Angelina enter through the back door. I could understand this behavior if Angelina's dad beat her or sexually molested her, but their relationship fell apart because he said on national TV she needed help for her "mental problems." Sure that's cruel, but Angelina also used to carry around a vial of Billy Bob Thornton's blood around her neck. You can't carry around a vial of blood and then be offended when somebody calls you crazy. It's like drinking your own urine and then getting upset when the other people at the restaurant start staring.
Aug 25 2006Jared Leto has some issues
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Jared Leto was spotted heading into Club Hyde dressed like an Adam's Family character. This wasn't even for a performance for his band 30 Seconds to Mars. It was just him. Hanging out. Looking like he spends all his time locked in his room blasting Evanescence and writing angry poetry.
More of Jared Leto ruining your Jordan Catalano fantasies after the jump.
Aug 24 2006Heather Locklear wears a see through skirt
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Heather Locklear was spotted closing her trunk on Tuesday wearing a see through skirt. Although calling the skirt see through is a bit misleading since you can only make out a silhouette and can't actually see through it. What wouldn't be misleading though is saying she looks like a cartoon villain in the above shots. All she needs is a giant bag with a money symbol on it and a mustache to twirl.
Aug 24 2006William H. Macy thinks Lindsay Lohan should have her ass kicked
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William H. Macy jumped on the bandwagon and bashed Lindsay Lohan's poor work ethic today during a press junket promoting his new movie. He says:
"You can't show up late," Macy, 56, told reporters Thursday at a Los Angeles junket promoting his new movie, Everyone's Hero. "It's very, very disrespectful. I think what an actor has to realize (is that) when you show up an hour late, 150 people have been scrambling to cover for you," Macy told reporters Thursday. "There is not an apology big enough in the world to have to make 150 people scramble. It's nothing but disrespect. And Lindsay Lohan is not the only one. A lot of actors show up late as if they're God's gift to the film. It's inexcusable, and they should have their asses kicked." When asked about Lohan's work on Bobby, Macy paused and said, "She was pretty late." He added, "I worry about these young kids - 15, 18, 20 years old - who in the span of one year become millionaires and powerhouses. It's too much power for a kid that age to handle."
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking why on a post about William H. Macy am I putting up pictures of Lindsay Lohan? Well it's because as much as you think you want to see William H. Macy wearing super short shorts and black moccasins, the truth is it'd just end up making you cry.
Aug 24 2006Jessica Alba and Wilmer Valderrama travel back in time
These shots of Jessica Alba and Wilmer Valderrama were taken last Saturday but it look like they came from the 90's. I didn't even know it was possible to make Jessica Alba look this awkward, let alone dressed like she just finished shooting an episode of Saved by the Bell. And everytime I mention Fez I have to bring up the fact that he's done it with Mandy Moore and Lindsay Lohan. And now he's somehow working his mojo on Jessica Alba? Even forgetting that he was Fez, this is the guy responsible for MTV's Yo Mama. Yo Mama! The creator of Yo Mama shouldn't be allowed to be friends with Jessica Alba. The creator of Yo Mama should barely be allowed to eat.
Aug 24 2006Paris Hilton loses phone service for hacking Lindsay Lohan
Paris Hilton has been dropped with about 50 other people from SpoofCard phone services after it was discovered the mailboxes of Lindsay Lohan and other celebrities had been hacked. SpoofCard provides a fake caller ID number and voicemail services for celebrities or anybody else that wants some extra privacy.
When questioned about it by TMZ.com, SpoofCard attorney Mark Del Bianco stated that "Paris was entering unauthorized mailboxes," but when it came to Lohan, "a number of the 50 persons [whose service was canceled] were making unauthorized entrances to Miss Lohan's voicemail."
They don't actually accuse Paris Hilton of hacking Lindsay Lohan's mailbox specifically, they just purposely mention that Paris was dropped and Lindsay was hacked, letting you the detective put two and two together. Although accusing Paris Hilton of hacking into electronic accounts is like accusing a monkey of composing the works of Mozart. Except that Paris is slightly less qualified.
Aug 24 2006Michael Jackson sells his weird stuff
Michael Jackson reportedly owes thousands of dollars to an art gallery owner in Califronia and now the guy is so desperate to get his money back he's resorting to selling Michael's paintings on eBay. Included in the gallery are two enormous mural portraits Michael asked the owner to frame: one of him with Peter Pan and the other of him dancing in a rainbow of colors. Additionally, he also bought dozens of Norman Rockwell paintings featuring children at play and also wanted them framed.
"I don't know what to do with these murals," the gallery owner, who asked to remain anonymous, told the mag. "Maybe I'll put them on eBay and see what I can get." And, despite Jackson's rep's claims that Neverland isn't for sale, Santa Barbara reports that the singer's menagerie of exotic animals is quietly being unloaded. "Jackson's elephant sold to a big wheel [circus] near Los Angeles," a source told the mag. "It's also true that Jackson has four giraffes up for sale. His asking price: $35,000 a pair."
If you've got a ton of money and have fantasized about living the life of Michael Jackson today's your lucky day. And sure the neighbors might point and whisper, but that's because they're just jealous it's not them riding down the street on a pair of giraffes towing a huge mural of Michael Jackson with Peter Pan.
Aug 24 2006Pete Doherty goes crazy
Pete Doherty reportedly went berserk at a London rehab clinic this week, punching a nurse, screaming, and ramming into walls. He's at the Priory clinic in London and is there pending his sentencing on drug charges. Although considering his behavior you'd think he was in a zoo. Some bizarro Twilight Zone zoo, where the animals viist the gift shop and it is us that is in the cages. Oh, cruel irony. How cruel your irony is.
Aug 23 2006Lindsay Lohan sells her home
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People magazine reports Lindsay Lohan is selling her West Hollywood condo in Sierra Towers for $2.85 million. She paid $1.9 million for it back in 2005 but never moved in, instead choosing to live at the Chateau Marmont hotel instead. And for no reason at all here's Lindsay at Hyde last Thursday looking like a child molestor. Combined with this picture it looks like she might be drunk. Or on ecstasy. Either way there's only one thing we know for sure: there is no cooler occupation than professoinal space pirate.
Aug 23 2006Paris Hilton and Brandon Davis live together
Brandon Davis has reportedly been living in Paris Hilton's Hollywood Hills home since getting out of rehab in July, which he checked into after the "fire crotch" video went public.
"His family is selling their home, so Brandon's been shacking up with Paris at her place off the Sunset Strip," an "insider" tells L&S. "All his clothes, his toiletries and even some of the artwork he owns." But the arrangement is reportedly more than temporary. Says the source: "They're hooking up, but she doesn't want anyone to know about it. It's being kept very hush-hush."
So the supposed gazillionaire can't even afford a hotel and has resorted to handing out sexual favors for a place to stay. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Although the real reason I posted this story was so I could share that above shot of Paris Hilton debuting her album in a Tokyo store. It's a scientific fact that when you pretend to stop having sex your face puffs up and your cheeks start to melt. And your skin turns to wax.
Aug 23 2006Britney Spears yells at Jessica Simpson
Us Weekly reports that backstage during the Teen Choice Awards Jessica Simpson asked Britney Spears if she could kiss her pregnant belly and Britney yelled back, "Hell no!"
Says a witness, "Jessica was really insulted, but Britney refused to let her do it."
I can't even imagine the vacuum created when Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson are in the same room together. Even if Britney had said okay Jessica would've just gotten confused and ended up kissing the potted plant in the corner. And then Britney would laugh and correct her, holding her head up proudly and pointing to the fax machine next to it.
Aug 23 2006Tom Cruise fired for being crazy
The Wall Street Journal reports that Paramount Pictures has ended its 14-year relationship with Tom Cruise's production company because "his recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount."
"As much as we like him personally," the Viacom Inc. chairman told The Wall Street Journal, "we thought it was wrong to renew his deal." Redstone estimated that Cruise's off-screen behavior cost his latest movie, "Mission: Impossible III," $100 million to $150 million in ticket sales, even as he praised the film as "the best of the three movies" in the action series. "It's nothing to do with his acting ability, he's a terrific actor," Redstone said. "But we don't think that someone who effectuates creative suicide and costs the company revenue should be on the lot."
I can understand Lindsay Lohan getting scolded by the studio but Tom Cruise? Sure he's loony, but he's also Tom Fucking Cruise. He makes three phone calls and he owns half of Korea. He's as big a celebrity as humanly possible so the fact that he lost his job means the entire world is finally going insane. It was a good run, but we might as well just pack up our stuff and move to the moon.
Aug 22 2006Britney Spears gets new goodies from Wal-Mart
Britney Spears has been out of the game for so long she's forgotten how to pose for pictures. After presenting at the Teen Choice Awards Sunday she waddled backstage for a few photographs and ended up taking these little gems. And here's a little insider tip only us professional photographers know: in a good photograph the subject must always be presenting an object, no matter how irrelevant or pointless it might be. I mean just look at this shot of Britney Spears posing with her brand new V.Flash Home Edutainment System? It's fun and it's educational. And, according to Britney, "It's a box!"
More of Britney posing with some random objects after the jump, including a Hello Kitty doll and a Barbie Fab Faces doll.
Continue Reading "Britney Spears gets new goodies from Wal-Mart"
Aug 22 2006Pete Doherty misses his wedding to Kate Moss
Kate Moss and Pete Doherty were allegedly set to marry last week but Pete ruined the whole thing when he got arrested for possession of heroin and cocaine and was stuck in rehab.
Last week 32-year-old Kate had flown 14 close friends, including her brother Nick, on a private jet to the exclusive resort of Bukit on the Indonesian island. The guests were told to expect a very special celebration. Kate had been spotted wearing a sparkling gem on her ring finger and friends said she had arranged for a Balinese priest to be at the resort where she was staying. Friends speculated that she intended to marry 27-year-old Pete in a Balinese-style wedding. The groom's sudden need for rehabilitation ended all that. Kate was said to have spent the weekend on the phone to her lawyers to see if they could find any loopholes in the law which would allow Pete to fly over. A friend said: "She is in a terrible state. When she flew to Bali she was ecstatic and told friends there was going to be a ceremony. Kate loves Pete and they wanted a spiritual ceremony to show their commitment. She asked Pete to prepare a beautiful ceremony with poetry and music and he was thrilled." The friend added: "Kate wanted a Bohemian wedding because it's simple and represents everything she loves. She's not at all concerned about whether it's legal in Britain." Kate, who is worth $16million, had ruled out a pre-nuptial deal with Doherty. She said: "He's not a materialist - he's an artist."
I know she's enganged, but this is the first I've heard of a wedding. And choosing not to make Pete Doherty sign a pre-nup makes about as much as sense as trying to drive to work on your couch. She might as well just hand her money over to the drug dealers now and move into the subway.
Aug 22 2006Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler eat lunch at Cafe Med
For any single guys out there thinking there's no hope for them, Cisco Adler should stand as a shining example that no matter how poor or ugly or unhygienic you look you can still manage to bag a woman like Mischa Barton. And by "a woman like Mischa Barton" I mean a tall waifish girl who's probably legally blind and has a poor sense of smell.
More of Mischa and the always amusing Cisco after the jump.
Continue Reading "Mischa Barton and Cisco Adler eat lunch at Cafe Med"
Aug 22 2006Paris Hilton is cunning
"I'll pick out two outfits, one which is disgusting and one nice and I'll ask my 'friend' what they think. If they go for the revolting one, I cut them out of my life."Pairs Hilton on how she weeds out her friends
Aug 22 2006Madonna has some magic water
Madonna and her husband Guy Ritchie have reportedly been lobbying the British government and nuclear inudstry to "clean up radioactive waste with a supposedly magic Kabbalah fluid," says London's Sunday TImes.
"It was like a crank call . . . the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically," one official told the Times. "She relentlessly pursued people," according to a former civil servant. "She wanted to get this Russian scientist to explain this to civil servants.""I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn't a world to conquer, what's the point?" Madonna said, according to the paper. "I've just come to a place in my life where I'm trying to really see what the big picture is and where my energy is better spent, and that's one area I'm really concerned about." Madonna's rep dismissed the story as old news, saying that the singer's efforts occurred a few years back. "Better to talk about her current obsession - building an orphanage in [the AIDS ravaged African nation of] Malawi," she noted, "kind of adopting an entire country."
Conquer the world? Madonna is like some hyperactive six year old that still believes in the Tooth Fairy. One day she's trying to sell magic water and the next she trying to adopt Africa. Pretty soon she'll try to buy a unicorn so she can ride it to the North Pole and ask Santa for a shiny new rainbow.
Aug 21 2006Paris Hilton is the best singer ever
In tomorrow's issue of Blender, Paris Hilton says she cries whenever she listens to her album because it's so good.
"People go crazy. They love it. Everyone's like, 'Who is this?' I don't tell. Because I don't want someone putting their phone up and recording it and making a ring tone off of it. I think when people don't know it's me, they won't judge it. But if they know it's me, then they'll be like, 'Ugh.' They won't even dance." Of her album, she says, "I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it's so good."
I'm sure I'll cry when I listen to her album too. As will every other living creature on the planet that has ears. Because if my six years of medical school has taught me anything it's that bleeding from the ears is the number one cause of crying. Number two if you count seeing my grandpa naked.
Aug 21 2006Kevin Federline rocks the Teen Choice Awards
Here's Kevin Federline's performance of his new single as he closed for the Teen Choice Awards last night. It's entertaining and all, but only in the way seeing a juggler drop knives on himself is entertaining. The audience's reaction when he finally reveals himself is priceless, like they have no idea whether they should be cheering or crying. He might as well have been the light technician, because the audience doesn't even recognize him until the DJ tells them to make some noise.
Aug 21 2006Our email is was broken
Our email server went down with the regular server so if you've sent us anything the past few days we haven't gotten it. It should be working again now, but anything sent over the weekend or on Friday probably wasn't received.
Sorry for the lack of updates. We're still having some issues with the move. Sometimes when we log in we get the new server and other times we log in we get the old server. I figure it's the internet's way of telling me it hates me.
Aug 21 2006Hulk Hogan and his neon banana hammock
Sometimes I wish was a space pirate. Other times I wish Hulk Hogan was my dad. Because my dad is cool and all, but he doesn't walk around in a neon speedo looking like he eats children for breakfast. And despite any objections he might get from his wife or kids or friends or anybody else that sees him on the street he's still going with the mustache. Sure it makes him look like a Civil War general but you say that like it's a bad thing.
More of Hulk Hogan looking like a badass in his neon banana hammock after the jump.
Aug 21 2006Can you read this?
Because if you can it means you're on our new server. Hopefully this one will manage to survive more than a couple of months before it's crushed by the sheer weight of our awesomeness.
Aug 21 2006We've moved servers
If you hadn't already noticed we've been having some serious server issues for the past few weeks or so, with the problem escalating from a slight nuisance to total catastrophic failure. We ordered a new server to deal with the problem awhile back and - after a huge delay on the harddrive - finally got it up and running. Long story short we've upgraded our servers again. If you're reading this it means you're still on the old server, but once the internet does its thing and propogates fully you should start getting the new server with new posts. This was supposed to be a smooth transition that occured over the weekend but our old server was in such a bad state we could barely lift the data and transfer it over. To say we've been up for the past 36 hrs trying to get everything moved over would not be an exaggeration. It would be a statement Abraham Lincoln himself would be proud to make.
NOTE: The forums are fucked at the moment. The old server is being a little bitch and not letting us transfer the database over. We're working to get the problem fixed but at the moment we don't really know when it'll be back up.
ANOTHER NOTE: If you keep seeing this post just give it a few hours and try again. Propogation can take anywhere from 24 to 72 hours and it varies depending on where you are in the world. Just give it some time and try again later.
