Aug 18 2006Nicky Hilton previews Nicky O
Nicky Hilton previewed her Nicky O South Beach Hotel yesterday with a few drawings and collages she put together. And when all her investers declare bankruptcy a year from now they're gonna look back and wonder why they put all their money to back a proposal that looks like something an 8-year made for their mom. You don't build a hotel around this. You tape it to the fridge and hand somebody a gold star.
Aug 18 2006Pete Doherty pleads guilty
Pete Doherty was charged with seven counts of drug possession yesterday and pleaded guilty to five of them today, including possession of heroin and crack cocaine. It's a wonder the system hasn't already given up on this clown. If I was in charge I would've already sentenced him to be shot out of a cannon into an elephant's ass. Obviously jail and rehab can't set the guy straight. But by God I bet an elephant's ass will.
Aug 17 2006Pamela Anderson might be pregnant
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Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock celebrated wedding number three early today in Nashville, Tennessee, with a judge performing the ceremony just after midnight at Tootsie's Orchid Lounge. Additionally, Pamela was spotted walking around barefoot with a new looking bump suggesting she might already be pregnant. Although I was going through the pictures from her first wedding and it looks like she might just have a beer belly. I guess the only way we'll know for sure is to wait 9 months and see if she gives birth to a baby or a keg. Or, judging by how old she's been looking, a giant pile of sawdust.
One more closeup of Pamela's belly after the jump.
Aug 17 2006Kate Beckinsale still doing outside squats
Kate Beckinsale was spotted doing some squats outside her gym in Brentwood yesterday morning. At least I think they're squats. Whatever they are they involve a giant rubber band. And a raging hardon. But that's on my end. It's hard for me to see a thick green rubber band like that and not get one. God forbid I walk into an Office Depot unprepared.
And just in case you've forgotten here's Kate Beckinsale and Kate Beckinsale and one more of Kate Beckinsale. Becauese if there's one thing I know, it's that Kate Beckinsale's name is Kate Beckinsale.
Aug 17 2006Paris Hilton still needs powerful deodorant
Thanks to Howie for sending in this additional pic he took of Paris Hilton at her CD launch party in New York City last night. Either Paris has the shiniest armpits I've ever seen or her deodorant situation is seriously out of control. Maybe she has her Secret confused with Elmer's glue. Or cocaine. Or whatever other gooey white substance she can get her hands on.
Aug 17 2006Kelly Clarkson rocks out with Chivas Regal
This is one of the more bizarre things I've seen latey. Kelly Clarkson is watching a performance of Metal Skool on the Sunset Strip when she gets brought up stage, chugs Chivas Regal from the bottle, and then sings some Guns N' Roses cover songs with the lead singer from Yellowcard. The whole clip is 10 minutes long and not particularly interesting, but if you're a fan of Kelly Clarkson or the Yellowcard guy or Guns N' Roses cover songs you might get a kick out of it. Otherwise just skip it and go straight to the Lindsay Lohan topless pics. I know that's why you're here anyways. That and the free cake.
Thanks to P for the tip, and for having the shortest name of all time.
Aug 17 2006Haley Joel Osment is in so much trouble
Haley Joel Osment was charged with four criminal counts today including: driving while having a blood alcohol content of .08 percent or higher with the special allegation of having a blood alcohol content of .15 percent or higher (especially bad!), and possession of marijuana while driving. Osment's blood-alcohol content was 0.16 (double the legal limit) and the charges come from an incident last month when he crashed his 1995 Saturn, flipping it and breaking a rib.
I don't think anybody saw this coming. At least Mel Gibson has a history of drinking, but the only thing Haley Joel Osment is known for is looking cute and hitting puberty. If convicted he faces up to six months in county jail, but considering it's Haley Joel Osment the judge will probably just ask him to say "I see dead people" and then let him go for being a national treasure.
NOTE: Speaking of which, Mel Gibson pleaded no contest to his DUI charges today and faces no jail time but has to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Which should be good, because nobody is more anonymous than Mel Gibson. Except maybe Mr. T. Or the Kool-Aid man.
Aug 17 2006Paris Hilton needs powerful deodorant
I wonder what Paris Hilton is up to that's so stressful she needs to apply massive layers of deodorant for. I guess being booed in public and the constant pole dancing aren't the cakewalk I imagined they'd be for Paris. You'd think she'd be used to it by now though. Or maybe it's because she's giving up sex for a year. Trying new things can always be scary.
Aug 17 2006Brandon Davis is living in the past
Brandon Davis recently got out of rehab but showed up drunk to the launch of party of Paris Hilton's debut album at Suite in Miami and, after crawling on stage, starting yelling about a Firecrotch song he wrote for Lindsay Lohan.
"I wrote a special new song called 'Firecrotch,' and it's for Lindsay Lohan!" He proceeded to ramble on, reminding folks about his infamous online video rant against the actress, which led to him checking into rehab in the first place. An insider tells us the "Firecrotch" song is real and was produced by Scott Storch, who twiddled knobs on Hilton's album.
It was amusing the first time he called Lindsay Lohan a firecrotch but now it's getting kind of old. With that much money you'd think he could come up with better ways to get attention than just rehashing his old material. Like buying a couple of bald eagles and eating them in Times Square. Or taking a dump out the window of his solid gold car.
Aug 17 2006Lindsay Lohan lounges around naked
Perez Hilton scored some shots of Lindsay Lohan standing around naked in what appears to be a room that exploded. I have no idea what's going on and he has no idea what's going on so we'll just assume whoever he stole them from had no idea what was going on either. The only things you need to note: Lindsay in bed with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a fur coat, and Lindsay posing with her mom like they're getting ready to put on a musical. All after the jump, including two shots of Lindsay topless.
Aug 17 2006Britney Spears is all about the safety
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Britney Spears is reportedly making Kevin Federline get rid of his six pet Australian gray nurse sharks because she thinks they're risky to have with children in the house.
�Kevin loves those sharks,� a family friend told the mag. �He even named them. But Brit said there�s no way he�d be keeping them.� K-Fed also says Spears is his toughest musical critic. �She gives me her real opinions about my tunes,� he said, reports Passim. �When I get really excited about the songs, she would tell me to slow down.�
Britney Spears being concerned about the safety of her children is like the Hamburgler being concerned about the lack of security at McDonalds. If the kids had a choice they'd probably prefer to be raised by the sharks anyway. At least with the sharks they're only risk is being eaten. WIth Britney they've got to worry about being dropped, tied to the roof of a car, or put in a microwave. And being eaten.
Aug 16 2006Beyonce knows how to lose weight
To lose 20 pounds for her latest movie role, Beyonce reportedly used the "maple syrup" diet which consists of mixing maple syrup with water, lemon juice, and cayenne pepper and drinking it as a daily meal replacement. A dietician who works with the British group Weight Concern says:
"The problem is not what's in the diet but what's not. There are no fats, proteins, vitamins or minerals and the only carbohydrate is in the form of sugar... People would start to feel very lethargic and would be unable to concentrate... They will probably end up in hospital, especially people who try it for more than 10 days."
Sounds pretty healthy to me. Although I've got my own version of the maple syrup diet. It goes a little something like this. You don't get all the nutrients of Beyonce's version, but boy does it go down smooth.
Aug 16 2006Jennifer Aniston is really angry
Jennifer Aniston called up People today to set the record straight that she's not engaged to Vince Vaughn. She says in an angry interview:
"I'm not engaged and I don't have a ring and I haven't been proposed to. Normally we don't even acknowledge these things because they're endless, at this point, the thing that got me was that I was getting phone calls from Greece! My Aunt Mary in Greece is getting accused of lying! I mean, they're getting angry. My dad calls and he says, 'Honey, it's on the CNN crawl,' and I'm going, 'Wait a second!' When it starts to travel over into the Today show and CNN and supposedly reliable and accurate news programs, then you just go, 'This is insane. People are getting fed a lot of bull. I don't feed into that. We (her friends) don't talk about it. We don't hash it out because it's not true. The only reason I'm saying something is because if we're listening to the news, we're supposed to be believing in the news. Tabloids are going to lie all the time. You’re prepared for that. But it's the news. And you think, 'Well, we need to trust what our newscasters are saying when we have this horrific situation that's actually taking place in the world, I mean, we are getting reported the truth, right? The American people need to believe (the news). Please. Get it together. So that's all.”
Jennifer Aniston needs to pull that stick from her ass and shove it through her throat. She and Vince are compulsive liars assholes when it comes to their personal lives and to somehow compare the accuracy of reporting over her love life versus that of the situation in the Middle East or London shows how pompous and pathetic she is. Nobody actually gives a shit if she's engaged to Vince Vaughn. So to go on a little power trip and critique the media for not accurately reporting about her love life makes me want to dropkick her through a window off the top story of a skyscraper. Ideally landing on top of a helicopter. Filled with bears.
NOTE: Yeah, I'm a little overly angry here. But you said I was the prettiest girl of all, Vince. Me! I was!
Aug 16 2006Kate Moss is engaged
Kate Moss has allegedly been wearing a diamond ring on her wedding finger sparking rumors that she and Pete Doherty are engaged. People from her camp are denying the engagement, although those close to Pete are confirming it. So pretty much nobody knows anything except that Kate Moss may or may not be wearing a ring on her wedding finger. And considering it's Pete Doherty the ring may or may not have come from the bottom of a cereal box.
Aug 16 2006Prince Harry gets an apology
The Sun has apologized for printing the above picture featuring Prince Harry groping Natalie Pinkham's breast. They had originally claimed the picture was taken at Boujis in 2006 but turns out it was actually taken back in 2003 before Prince Harry started going out with his current girlfriend. The Sun writes:
In yesterday’s story "The Booze Brothers" we published photographs of Prince William and Prince Harry at a London nightclub. We accept that the nightclub was the Purple Nightclub and not Boujis as we said and the photographs were taken in autumn 2003 and not summer 2006. We apologise for the error. The Sun published the photographs in good faith but we apologise to Ms Natalie Pinkham, a close friend of both Prince William and Prince Harry for publishing them without permission and for any embarrassment or offence their publication has caused. We will be making a donation to a charity of Ms Pinkham's choice.
It must be pretty sweet to be a literal prince. Although with that kind of power you'd think he'd be a little more creative than just grabbing random women's breasts in public. Like maybe asking them to get on all fours and moo for him. Or having them go out back and churn him some fresh butter.
Aug 16 2006Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler take advantage of MySpace
Travis Barker and Shanna Moakler are having some sort of weird battle over MySpace, each posting their own version of their marriage and tearing into the other. Shanna writes: "I am very devastated and very much heartbroken over the demise of my marriage and for the upset of my family." Travis responded on his own MySpace, talking about how she had cheated on him and was a terrible mother.
In the scathing blog entry, Barker claimed that on a typical day, he would get up with his children at around 5:30 a.m. Moakler, on the other hand, stayed in bed until around 2 p.m. and was frequently out late partying, said Barker. He added that the couple's kids often referred to their nanny as "Mommy." Barker also claimed that Moakler had neglected to mention that she would be competing on the third season of Dancing with the Stars or that she had a MySpace page. "I was informed by our realtor that Shanna was doing Dancing with the Stars? Why wouldn't she tell me, right?" he wrote. "A MySpace account? Where she posts pix of our kids and her and I half naked? Weird?" However, Barker's true breaking point came when he discovered condoms in their home, according to his posting. "We don't use condoms ever," he wrote, insinuating that his wife had been unfaithful, a claim he also made to the New York Post. "I'm sad to say those allegations [of infidelity] are true," Barker told the paper via a rep. "My priority will remain my children." Moakler responded to Barker's accusations through her publicist. "I have been 100 percent faithful in my marriage and a devoted mother, two facts of which Travis is well aware. I still happen to be very much in love with Travis, and his using the media to take low blows at me isn't just embarrassing, it's hurtful. "I feel he should be putting his family first instead of his pride." She also lashed out at Barker's MySpace posting, calling it "far-fetched" and claiming she was concerned for his sanity. "If that MySpace site was truly created by Travis, then I'm seriously concerned for his mental well being," Moakler told TMZ.com on Tuesday. "The picture he paints is so far-fetched that I can't believe this is his reality. If it is, then I'm truly concerned for him. Perhaps the lifestyle he leads is taking its toll on him. For the sake of our children, I hope that he seeks professional help." Rather than responding in kind, Barker apparently chose to remove his rant from his MySpace page Tuesday without further comment or explanation.
It's about time we had a serious break up. All these amicable separations are so boring. When you split up with somebody you shouldn't just smile and say you're still friends and wish the other well. You should question your partner's sanity and make wild accusations of infidelity. Hopefully before this thing is over one of them will have driven their car through the house in an effort to run the other over.
Aug 16 2006Owen Wilson looks guilty
Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson were spotted leaving Hugo's PIzza Restaurant while they were promoting their movie in Sydney, Australia back in late July. And the guilty looks on both their faces suggest it was more than just a friendly dinner. Although if I had a reputation for being an obsessive butt licker I'd probably cover up my face in shame too. It's a wonder he can even look himself in the mirror, let alone walk around in public. He looks like he was just caught masturbating. Which is understandable because I'd probably be doing the same thing if I was having dinner with Kate Hudson. You know, under the table. Or in the bathroom. Or, as is usually the case, on top of the table spinning wildly and yelling, "You like that? You like that?!"
Aug 16 2006Bai Ling still ridiculously whorish
Short skirts are cool and all, but you might be pushing the limits of what constitutes clothing if you've got your underwear hanging out. She might as well throw on some Post-It notes and call it a top. She's probably already tried. And once she gets desperate enough for publicity I suspect she'll just show up to places naked. And then bashfully say, "Oops I seem to have forgotten my clothing. How embarrassing!" And then she'll bend over and spread her legs and ask if anybody wants to put random objects up her vagina. Because she's a serious actress. All about the craft.
More of Bai Ling being Bai Ling after the jump.
Aug 16 2006Owen Wilson ruins Kate Hudson's marriage
Us Weekly's cover story is claiming that Kate Hudson's marriage with Chris Robinson fell apart because of her growing relationship with Owen Wilson.
Sources tell Us that Hudson has spent several nights at her You, Me and Dupree costar’s Santa Monica, California, pad in the last few weeks. “This is not a fling,” says a source close to the couple. “Kate is crazy about him. Owen gives her so much attention, and she loves it. [That’s why] she wants her marriage to be over.” Three days before the split, a Wilson source told Us, “Owen is not-so-secretly hoping she will leave Chris so they wouldn’t have to hide. He is falling for her.”
Looks like the Butterscotch Stallion strikes again. I hope Kate Hudson knows what she's getting herself into, because not very many women can handle getting their butt licked for over two hours. Have no idea what I'm talking about? Then read this and educate yourself, my friends. It's a sordid and disturbing story too shocking to be made up.
Aug 15 2006Nicole Richie has some pizza
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Nicole Richie was spotted eating pizza in Malibu yesterday in her bikini. Which she should really stop doing because it's going straight to her thighs. And I'm not sure what's up with her sunglasses but they make her look like a cartoon fly. They look like something a third grade class put together in arts and crafts. And I'm not even going to address the bikini top since I couldn't manage to look at it long enough to fully take it in. The last thing I remember were flashes of purple, nipple, and bone, and then I woke up on the floor covered in a pile of my own vomit.
More of Nicole Richie looking like an awkward Gollum after the jump.
Aug 15 2006Lindsay Lohan does more side boobery
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I knew you'd want to see it so here's one more angle of Lindsay Lohan's potato sack side boob. Give it a few more days and I'm sure we'll have these in IMAX and full 3D panoramic viewing. Which, coincidentally, will be the second greatest day of all time. The first being the day I discovered I could fly. Through walls. With my rock hard penis of destruction.
One more of Lindsay after the jump.
Aug 15 2006Andy Dick does stuff at the Comedy Central roast of William Shatner
Andy Dick did his usual thing at the Comedy Central roast of William Shatner Sunday night, licking the faces of Farrah Fawcett, Carrie Fisher, and Patton Oswalt, and then harrassing reporter Mandy Stadtmiller backstage at the afterparty by peeing in front of her and biting her hand.
A drunken Dick groped an appalled Stadtmiller, tried to kiss her, proclaimed his love for her and finally bit her hand. "Baby please," Dick repeated six times. "Put in something nice," he said after urinating in front of the horrified journalist in his dressing room and offering her cocaine. "They're so mean," he ranted. "I'm not weird. Maybe I'm a little weird, they make me out to be a monster, I'm not a monster . . . I just want to have fun, baby please." Dick, who performed his roast routine dressed in full Trekkie regalia, said that he downed two vodka cranberries to give him the courage to talk to fellow roaster Fawcett - of whom he said, "I'm going to [bleep] the [bleep] out of. Put that in Page 6, 7 and 8, that's how big my [bleep] is." Explaining to Stadtmiller why he urinated in front of her, Dick said, "You know why I don't close the door? Because then people think I'm doing drugs, and I want you to know I'm just normal." And why did Dick go on his licking spree? "I was doing it because I was desperately trying to tie the show together like a fisherman with tuna, and you're a little piece of fresh tuna," Dick told Stadtmiller. "But thanks for asking. Do you want me to lick your face now?" No, Stadtmiller said - "but he can pay for that tetanus shot," she told us. Dick's camp had no comment.
You can never tell if Andy Dick is drunk or high or just being an ass. How does this guy get away with groping women's breasts and licking people's faces? I do it at clubs and I get punched in the throat and thrown out the back. Andy Dick does it and he gets a hearty chuckle and an invitation back.
UPDATE: Check out the video of Andy Dick licking people after the jump. Thanks to the ruggedly handsome Scott for the tip.
Continue Reading "Andy Dick does stuff at the Comedy Central roast of William Shatner"
Aug 15 2006Marcia Cross hates Barbara Walters
Marcia Cross is still pissed at Barbara Walters for asking her if she's a lesbian on The View last year. She tells the Philippine Daily Inquirer:
Honestly? I was not happy about it. I handled it very well at that time. My parents were in town. My father, who’s 80-something, and my mother were in the front row of the audience (in the TV studio). When I got backstage, Barbara Walters came up to me and said, 'You know, I have to ask you about this.' And I said, 'Why do you have to ask me about this?' 'Well, it’s news.' I was like, 'It’s news?' At which point my publicist came in and we sorted out how to deal with it. And then, thank God - and I don’t think this is always the case - my mouth and my thoughts really came together and I felt like I spoke well at the time. But I have to tell you that I am not a huge Barbara Walters fan. That ended that for me. My dad was in the front row going like this (gestures), 'What did they say? Are you a what?' I just thought about Barbara, 'You didn’t have to ask me that question. That was ‘tabloid-y’ of you.' I felt like really used. So now I don’t really like looking at Barbara Walters."
The real question here is why is Marcia Cross giving interviews to the Philippine Daily Inquirer? I'm sure they're a top rate news organization but it just seems a little odd. Although considering Barbara Walters called Courteney Cox 'Monica' during an interview maybe the Philippines is the only place to get your serious news reporting. That and Bazooka Joe comics.
Aug 15 2006People you don't care about do spousal things
Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson have separated after nearly six years of marriage. When asked why, Kate Hudson replied: " Where are my power crystals? I'm fucking crazy!"
Brad Garrett and Jill Diven secretly divorced a year ago after seven years of marriage, not even telling his coworkers or his parents. Most likely for fear they'd chase him into the mountains with pitchforks. Get it? Because he's a huge. Like some horrible ogre.
Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards announced yesterday that they've reached an amicable resolution to their divorce case, though no other details were revealed. Except for one: I can rip a ninja in half with my bare hands.
NOTE: Despite being insane, that's the cutest picture of Kate Hudson ever. She might as well be a puppy playing with some kittens. Although I can't say I agree with the hairstyle she's chosen for her son.
Aug 14 2006Jessica Simpson wears short shorts
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Jessica Simpson performed at The Factory last Friday and wore some shorts which showed off her lower butt cheeks. Which would've been fantastic two years ago but now she just looks dated and desperate. And that front pouch she's got going on doesn't help at all. It looks like she's hiding a diaper under there. And those shorts look like something a 50-year-old woman would wear if she was asked to dress like a protistute from the early 90's. This comes to mind.
More of Jessica and her neat shorts after the jump.
Aug 14 2006Nicole Richie is looking really healthy
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Anorexia? More like anorsexya. Am I right, folks? Huh? Am I right? Because if there's anything guys enjoy doing it's having sex with corpses. Or eating piles of feces. Or sticking their penises in blenders. I might have the wrong list here.
More of Nicole Richie setting a great example for children after the jump.
Aug 14 2006Lindsay Lohan shows side boob
Here's a little piece of advice if you ever plan on wearing a potato sack for a dress. Put on a bra. Because as flattering as they are, potato sacks just don't provide the support or coverage you might expect them to. Which shouldn't be much. Because they're potato sacks.
More of Lindsay showing off her boobs - including a closeup - after the jump.
Aug 14 2006Kevin Federline enjoys the money
The Scoop is making the pretty bold claim that Kevin Federline is glad he has a second child on the way because it means more money for him from Britney Spears. A source says:
“Before he got married, Kevin was sitting down with lawyers, discussing legal and financial issues. He was sitting sort of slumped over with a baseball cap over his eyes and a lawyer was talking about how he had to sign a pre-nup and Kevin looked sort of bummed out. But then the lawyer explained that for every child the two of you have together, you would receive X amount of dollars. His eyes really lit up.”
It's not that I don't doubt Kevin is low enough to get Britney pregnant for some extra cash, it's just that I don't think he's clever enough. If he were trying to rob a bank his plan would consist of running in, grabbing the bags with the money symbols on them, and running out. So the idea of setting up a whole charade that involves getting people pregnant to circumvent the legal system just seems a little out of his league.
