Jul 17 2006Tom Cruise hugs from the crotch
Tom Cruise presented Steven Spielberg with The Golden Hugo Award at the 42nd Annual Chicago International Film Festival on Saturday. And because he's Tom Cruise he had to give Spielberg an awkward crotch hug instead of the socially acceptable chest hug. Does that make him gay? Of course not. The homosexual intercourse he has with men does. But not the hug. The hug just proves he enjoys touching his balls to another man's balls. And why wouldn't he? He's Tom Cruise. And I don't want to live in a world where Tom Cruise doens't love the feel of balls.
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Reader Comments
1. East Coast - July 17, 2006 8:31 AM
Another example of TCLTC
Oh, First too
2. _meh_ - July 17, 2006 8:33 AM
A picture does tell a thousand words doesnt it? However, in this case, it just tells five...
3. DonLes91 - July 17, 2006 8:36 AM
I thought gay sex involved the anus. That's twisted! I've seen lesbian porn tapes where they bumped coochies, but I didn't think it worked the same with guys. Who knew?
4. Doxes - July 17, 2006 8:37 AM
Remember in the 90s when some guy was arrested for trying to get into Spielberg's home to rape him? That guy's in prison, but I think Spielberg has reason to be afraid again--very afraid.
If you don't remember the story, it's here: http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,2258,00.html
5. Babydoll - July 17, 2006 8:42 AM
I thought the phrase was balls to the wall, not balls to balls.
6. Tracie - July 17, 2006 8:48 AM
TCLTC! Especially when he can grip a close facsimile in his hot little hands while rubbing poles with his favorite munchin Jew. Excuse me, was that off-color? I should say his favorite "little person" Jew.
7. AmandatheWonderful - July 17, 2006 8:50 AM
Well this is fucking wonderful! Now (due to the power of Scientology, Dianetics, and midgetry) Spielberg is going to have a baby in 8-11 months, and no one will be able to find it. Damn you Tom Cruise!
8. gmaninjapan - July 17, 2006 8:50 AM
I'm just concerned with Tom's plans for the giant phallus in his right hand.
9. Tracie - July 17, 2006 8:50 AM
*munchkin
I'm going back to bed...
But, maybe I'll look up that nice gold dildo online before I do...
10. daveeech - July 17, 2006 9:04 AM
Tenth!!! ...oh yeah and TCLTC.
11. Toonlite - July 17, 2006 9:07 AM
they say a picture is worth a ....ahhhh...errr....mmm...okay TCLTC!!
12. daveeech - July 17, 2006 9:09 AM
...I also think Tom's left hand is stoking his hair...or his earlobe perhaps?
13. DancingQueen - July 17, 2006 9:14 AM
No wonder they only show them from the chest up on the Jumbotron behind them. I think Tom looks a little too giddy holding that giant gold penis too. Where do you suppose he wants to put that thing? Ugh!
14. Stef - July 17, 2006 9:17 AM
This is too damned easy. it's almost as if he's on here somewhere and decided to finally come out of the closet.
Tom Cruise = MeganHarris?
15. Donino - July 17, 2006 9:24 AM
I don't see what's wrong, it's consensual, isn't it? ..for as long as they're both smiling. Maybe SSLTC too. Or at least SSLTC of TC, which makes sense after all the films they've done together lately.
16. MajinD - July 17, 2006 9:33 AM
I'm more worried about the dildo in Tom's hand.
17. vintage - July 17, 2006 9:35 AM
It looks to me like SS is trying desperately to pry TC off of him while keeping a smile pasted on his face.
18. biggutonenut - July 17, 2006 9:37 AM
Gay Love, Sweet Gay Love
TCLTC!!!
Can you imagine the holmes house ...
"Im sorry Tom cant come to the phone right now he is busy rooting around in the closet. Can he call you back Mr. Bruckheimer...Oh Im sorry Rob..I thought you were Jerry Bruckheimer..*turns on wailing baby SFX*...oh Rob Im sorry I have to go Suri is crying...I'll tell Tom to come out of the closet..oh not that important ok..well Im sure he'll call you back soon..bye"
I will say this much though...one of the flabbiest dorky men of the 70s-90s is fucking the earth Goddess Kelly Preston and Tom Cruise "got" Katie Holmes....Whatever mind control tricks scientology teaches...they obviously work on some of the hottest women on the planet.
but back to reality...Did I mention that TCLTC?..I cant remember if I did.
19. funkygoldmedallions - July 17, 2006 9:43 AM
Scientology is Gay.
20. DancingQueen - July 17, 2006 9:43 AM
This is a picture of Speilburg presenting Tom the coveted Gold Phallus Award in club dancing at the Gay Olympics in Germany.
21. pop - July 17, 2006 9:55 AM
i don't see what the big deal is, that's how my scoutleader used to hug me...golden phallus and all....
http://popculturepundit.blogspot.com/
22. daveeech - July 17, 2006 9:58 AM
...and for the record...the award is called "The Golden Hugo"... I'm sure you can all run with that one for a bit.
23. I'm in the nude for love scoo ba di booo salami - July 17, 2006 10:02 AM
Now that tom has "a baby"........ *rolls eyes* he feels safe enough to grind his crotch against another man's crotch at the LAA. But it still looks even gayer than if it were me doing it. And I'm gayer than Richard Simmons.
24. thebor - July 17, 2006 10:03 AM
The body language from Spielberg is classic. It's like he's saying "hey buddy I love you too, but back your package up a little" It looks like he is almost pushing TC back. TCLTC, even Spielberg's
25. PapaHotNuts - July 17, 2006 10:12 AM
Instead of grinding my crotch against Tom Cruise's crotch, I would like to kick him in the pussy.
26. Icognito79 - July 17, 2006 10:19 AM
I thought Spielberg blacklisted him from life for jumping on couches and being an all around freak.
27. Renegade Priest - July 17, 2006 10:41 AM
TC: I've greased it just how you like it... With Goose fat.
SS: You horny little bastard
TC: I love the cock!
28. Nola - July 17, 2006 10:41 AM
Spielberg's wanting desperately to scream like a girl while kicking Tom repeatedly in the nuts, but is also aware of Tom's secret weapon... the looming threat of a mentally unbalanced Jenna Elfman. You can't see her in this picture, but I'm sure she's running around somewhere nearby on T-Shirt patrol.
29. Fugurself - July 17, 2006 10:45 AM
Can't the Thetans kills this jerk?
Another question:
Does a man who has a sex change gets his dick back as a souvenir?
30. Dean - July 17, 2006 10:47 AM
LOL, he's really stretching his crotch out there. It's like he's working out his lower half ON Spielberg.
31. lull - July 17, 2006 10:49 AM
DADDY!
32. Italian Stallion - July 17, 2006 10:54 AM
Thats how my Boy Scout leader used to hug too. But for some strange reason he would grab your cock. I am surprised Tom hasn't perfected this type of hug. Come to think of it, Father Joe used to do the same thing at Alter boy meetings.................
33. jane's eyre - July 17, 2006 10:56 AM
I wanna kiss you all over
And over again
I wanna kiss you all over
Till the night closes in
Till the night closes in
OR
I don't see nothing wrong (ooh)
With a little bump 'n grind (with a little bump 'n grind)
I don't see nothing wrong (hey baby)
I don't see nothing wrong (I don't see nothing wrong)
With a little bump 'n grind (with a little bump 'n grind)
I don't see nothing wrong
34. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh - July 17, 2006 11:18 AM
Is that where babies come from?
SSLTCC?
35. Zanna - July 17, 2006 11:21 AM
Look at Spielberg's grip on T.C.'s shoulder...looks like he's making sure he can't get any closer.
Oh, Thanks Jayne for getting "bump n' grind" stuck in my head for the rest of the day!!!!
36. Zanna - July 17, 2006 11:32 AM
Oh wait..let me correct myself before anyone else does...it's not Jayne it's Jane.
Okay there. But it's still stuck in my head.
37. Queen LaQueefah - July 17, 2006 11:32 AM
I don't know if someone else has noticed yet, but it looks like Tom is holding a dildo.
38. jane's eyre - July 17, 2006 11:37 AM
Zanna, you're welcome. Sending golden showers your way. ;)
39. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh - July 17, 2006 11:38 AM
I prefer to hug from the breasts while topless and covered in oil, but that's just me.
40. tiina - July 17, 2006 11:41 AM
i like balls...who doesnt, right? right??!!!
41. YoMamma - July 17, 2006 11:42 AM
WOW> SO GAY.
There is nothing more to say.
GAY GAY GAY.
oh, and what the HEY...
TCLTC
42. Captain Call - July 17, 2006 11:51 AM
omg...just goes to show, TCLTC
43. hopeless_screenwriter - July 17, 2006 11:53 AM
"Cruise Gives Spielberg a Golden Hugo"
Golden Hugo: n. 1. An award given for outstanding achievement in the theatrical arts. 2. v. transitive. The act of having a long metal object shoved up your ass for sexual gratification or humiliation.
********************
1. I received a 'Golden Hugo' from a group of hispanic midgets for adding subtitles to the films, "The Wizard of Oz", "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory", and "Under the Rainbow".
2. I received a 'Golden Hugo' from the Mexican police for trying to smuggle three of them over the border.
*****************
44. krisdylee - July 17, 2006 11:57 AM
What a fag.
And I mean that in the most derogatory way.
45. Fated - July 17, 2006 11:58 AM
OMG poor Spielberg. He's like trying to pry TC off him. Spielberg is standing up staight and TC is like... crotch grinding him..
46. hopeless_screenwriter - July 17, 2006 12:00 PM
see also: golden shower, golden bath, golden ass probe, golden trombone, anal penetration, ass-pirate, ass-goblin, pole smoker, Cock Sucker!
47. Zanna - July 17, 2006 12:02 PM
Ohhhh, bump and grind and now golden showers what the hell are you trying to do to me over here? Mondays are hard enough as it is!
48. bigponie - July 17, 2006 12:05 PM
Tom is getting ready to shove that golden rod up Steven's arse
49. M@ce - July 17, 2006 12:09 PM
Bumpin' walnuts with uncle Morty.
That's the title of my unauthorized biography of Tom Cruise. Look for it in major booksellers this August, and by "major booksellers", I mean bath houses and bus station bathrooms.
50. hopeless_screenwriter - July 17, 2006 12:12 PM
@32 Italian Stallion. Funny how you must have been a very tall boyscout and alter boy, because I too was a boy scout and alter boy but I was half the height of my boy scout leader and pastor, so you can imagine where my face was when we hugged. Year later the police kindly informed me that I wasn't really hugging them at all.
51. Nikk The Templar - July 17, 2006 12:14 PM
THEY'RE SWORDFIGHTING!!!
52. jane's eyre - July 17, 2006 12:15 PM
Have a corndog, Zanna, and you'll feel better.
53. missmermaid - July 17, 2006 12:16 PM
#7
SPEWWWW!
Coffee just shot out of my nostrils- ow ow OW!
TCLTC
54. missmermaid - July 17, 2006 12:18 PM
I bet TC's suits all have flaps on the bum like old-fashioned longjohns, so he doesn't even have to get fully undressed when he takes it up his chocolate starfish.
55. jFp - July 17, 2006 12:29 PM
Real men never get this close to each other unless there is a naked woman in the middle.
56. UNWASHEDMASSES - July 17, 2006 12:36 PM
It's actually a scene from their latest collaboration. Tentatively entitled, "The Man Who Liked Shoving Gold-Plated Things Up His Rectum," the powerful film chronicles the true life story of little Timmy McBunghole. McBunghole, long dead of AIDS, was a pioneer in the use of the gay ruse known as "bearding", wherein a blatantly queer man marries a supposedly straight woman in an attempt to be more socially accepted and keep his deviant lifestyle under wraps. This particular shot is when McBunghole (Cruise) is about to come clean (out) before already wise family and friends. In a shrewd casting choice, Cruise's long-suffering wife in the film is portrayed by his real life love and mother to his invisible child, Kate Holmes.
57. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh - July 17, 2006 12:51 PM
You guys, if Tom Cruise was gay, then why would Suri have so much hair? I mean, she has SO MUCH HAIR!
58. Mr. Fritz - July 17, 2006 12:57 PM
Since MI3 bombed, Tom Cruise needs a sugar daddy. He needs someone to keep him in dildos for the rest of his life. I wonder if Katie gets turned on by this type of grinding.
59. oshkoshb-goshdammgosh - July 17, 2006 12:59 PM
If you hug Lindsay Lohan like that you better be wearing pants made out of Kevlar.
60. sillyrabbit - July 17, 2006 1:04 PM
TC is actually PULLING the package in closer to him with his right hand. Down and to the right; the video should be gone through slow motion here a la Zapruder.
61. DancingQueen - July 17, 2006 1:08 PM
Now it totally makes sense why his movie was called "Cocktail."
62. bigponie - July 17, 2006 1:14 PM
tom: are you ready steven?
steven: yes tom, I'm ready
tom: then unzip your pants real slow so no one will notice...
63. francesfarmer - July 17, 2006 1:20 PM
It will take weeks for Spielberg to wipe that stink off of him, I bet he secretly likes Tom Cruise warm furry crotch though
http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2006/07/15/south_park_creators_are_sick_of_tom_crui
64. Artemis - July 17, 2006 1:20 PM
PENIS!
65. sometimesboy - July 17, 2006 1:22 PM
tom : "steve-o, you know i love you, man."
steven : "uh, (awkward laugh), yeah, tom, i know, i, uh, love you too, man."
tom : "no, i mean i really love you. do you feel that...that's my cock and balls. my cock and balls love you to, steve-o...and that's not gay, that's just real."
steven : "um...ok, tom, thanks man," (trying to pull away)
tom : "hey, listen...i'm gonna need you to shove this award thingy up my bum..."
steven: "um, tom, people are kinda staring, i think they want me to make an acceptance speech."
tom: "look at me, steven, right here, look...they're all glib..."
steven: "um, ok, tom..."
tom: "i'll be right back stage, you and me, steve-o...bring the award thingy...love you, man."
...and scene...
66. Spindoc - July 17, 2006 1:28 PM
He's just helping Speilberg wipe some soup off his crotch that he accidentally spilled backstage....carful Tom, if you wipe too much that "Other" stain will appear.
Dude, this guy is gayer than the audience at Cher's farewell tour.
67. Italian Stallion - July 17, 2006 1:35 PM
@50 Can we stop talking about this *sniff* *sniff* It was hard enough for me to bring it up on my own. I did always wonder why when I would tell girls I want a hug, they would actually hug me. Later I learned the term Blow Job but they would just giggle and run away....................
68. drone90 - July 17, 2006 1:45 PM
HA, its nothing we dont already know TOm HAHA
http://vipglamour.net/Celebrity/tom_cruise
69. HolisticWisdomcom - July 17, 2006 1:48 PM
I think that Tom has a right to be gay and be married if he so chooses. Just not to a woman. LOL
http://www.holisticwisdom.com/homosexual-gay-marriage.htm
70. spatz - July 17, 2006 1:50 PM
sherry co stays up nights and dreams that even she, one day could be crotch-hugged by TC.
71. Justin Igger - July 17, 2006 1:55 PM
why yall sayin tom cruise is gay, i don't think he gay. but what do i know affer all i am Justin Igger.
72. Glossed Over - July 17, 2006 2:03 PM
Spielberg looks terrified, and Tom Cruise looks like a predatory raptor straight out of Jurassic Park. Scary stuff indeed.
http://glossedover.com
73. Libraesque - July 17, 2006 2:22 PM
OH!! BARF! It looks like Spielberg has a BIG OL' hard on too, creeping up his left side.AAKKKK! SSLTC too
74. francesfarmer - July 17, 2006 2:53 PM
OK I know this is way off topic but this is just too fucking funny not to share, and who knows when we'll get another MJ thread
http://www.starpulse.com/news/index.php/2006/07/17/macaulay_culkin_was_also_known_as_doo_do
75. hopeless_screenwriter - July 17, 2006 3:07 PM
@67 My therapist suggests that I stop hiding behind my past trauma's and I agree I feel so much better lately sharing my childhood molestations. I too "sniff" was a bit traumatized when I learned the difference between 'Hug' and 'Head'. If I just look at a frozen banana it makes me gag. Looking at the trophy brought me back. Thanks for listening.
@62 Thanks for bringing me back as well. But it was more like, "Turn around slowly and close your eyes...you will get a big surprise."
76. chelleann66 - July 17, 2006 3:48 PM
TCLTC AND balls
77. BoognishRising - July 17, 2006 5:15 PM
This Justin Igger shit is getting tiresome.
78. Sir Psycho Sexy - July 17, 2006 5:53 PM
29. He keeps it, in part. It's inverted to construct a 'vagina'.
77. Is anyone amused by Vanilla Ice doing negro jokes? Igger is the new lametard.
79. missjenni - July 17, 2006 7:27 PM
Is it just me or does the Oscar thingy look disturbingly like a dildo?
80. musashi42 - July 17, 2006 8:24 PM
Is that a Dong Master 3000 he's holding?
81. hopeless_screenwriter - July 17, 2006 8:47 PM
I'm last..... ha....last, last, last, last, last, last, yeah hooo. Hello? Anyone. Anyone. Last sucks.
82. Vas Deferens - July 17, 2006 9:01 PM
Now, if I did not know who these two guys were and you showed me this picture, I would presume that after this image was taken the next logical step was that the old man with the beard got that gold dildo in his asshole.
83. DrunkBlogger - July 17, 2006 9:56 PM
#83!!!!!
84. MonkeyBoy - July 17, 2006 11:07 PM
They are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, they'd like to hear it.
85. bakismaki - July 17, 2006 11:07 PM
Haaa Haaa that pic is so ambigiously gay duo.
86. Shelley Bonnechance - July 18, 2006 12:12 AM
Spielberg looks like he's got some bad engram mojo comin' in. aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh....
87. Nameless - July 18, 2006 1:44 PM
Now Tom, what did I tell you about hugging crotch to crotch hm?
I seriously do feel that they're happy, I mean look at their faces. Even if I was looking for the most horrible, degrading, shit loading, three some on the face of this earth, I'd never be able to come between that.
At least he's not afraid of public displays of emotion.
Nice one Tom.
88. hopeless_screenwriter - July 18, 2006 3:24 PM
I'm last again... ha, ha, last, last, last. Yippee!!!!
89. pinochio - July 19, 2006 4:46 AM
Tom: Stev.. I miss doin that thing with you...
Steven: well, you know honey, I would if your penis will just grow.
Tom: I will! I will make it GROW!
Stev: and it would be a lot easier if you are as tall as K-
Tom: You've been doing it with KEVIN?! Oh you bad, bad man! Boo hoo...
Stev: well, I meant Kate, you remember your wife, Kate?
Tom: ....oh.. Right, hmm you know, Kevin is kind of good, maybe we can do a threesome together.
90. spiderwomen - July 19, 2006 9:35 AM
you are jealous. it's almost funny, but mostly sad so i hesitate to laugh. sleep well.
91. ATX - July 20, 2006 2:05 PM
All men under 5'4" tall like to bump dicks with other men. Didn't you know?
92. Joey bag o' donuts - July 26, 2006 1:20 AM
These two tube tarzans need to take Hugo the Dildo and get a room. Why is Robin Williams standing in for Spielberg?
93. primaleyes - July 26, 2006 10:10 PM
What are those two guys so happy about? They made the pile of crap known as ' War of the Worlds '... which is enough reason to cry!
I wish I could get paid to make garbage!