Jul 12 2006Jessica Simpson has a birthday beach party

sweet saggy swimsuit bottom

She's only 26? Damn.

And why is her hairstylist permanently by her side? Is she his only client? I guess when your "work" get that kind of publicity, the cancellations start rolling in.

oof, leave the sunglasses on

I would hit that repeatedly and with great gusto. Oh, and sixth, bitches! Unless I'm a fifth

She looks really, really pretty in the last pic. I've always thought she was much prettier with little or no make-up.

CaCee Cobb is the biggest freaking hick name I've ever heard since Britney Jean Spears.

She needs to go to Ashlee's plastic surgeon and get that schnoz fixed.

I don't dig her but since I hear she likes to get thrusted in the poochie and I have condoms available I'm in.

I don't want to look at her stupid mug though. Just lay quietly Jess and I'll give you your virgin delight.

Eva Longoria should learn something from this: if you don't look this cute without make up wear make up!

Am I the only one who after seeing those first few photos wanted to smack those too-big sunglasses right off her face?

I hate people who wear shades too big for their face and they're constantly sliding off.

Bucky Beaver 2006....

Anyone else think her nose is trying to escape from her face?

It MIGHT be the alcohol....but I think she's looking more natural, playful and cute as ever and I'd go down on her right aboouuuuut now..READDDDY....GO!

Wait a minute....I may have to take that back...her scarf is strategically placed across her belly in these pics and I DON'T DO FAT CHICS.

Jessica is trying WAY too hard in these shots. How can she explain the third shot? "Hey guys, I'm a table! Come on and eat off of me, I've got a tablecloth and everything!"
And LOL about Ken Paves! Poor guy THOUGHT that Jessica brought him along to party with her ... it turns out that she actually brought him along to work on her hair whenever she wanted him to. (See, this is why it's a bad idea to hang out with your servants, they might get the wrong idea and start believing that they're actually friends!)

Tracie'

"Hey guys, I'm a table! Come on and eat off of me, I've got a tablecloth and everything!"

You fucking idiotic cunt, what the fuck is wrong with that?

Zanna;

SO glad to hear about your fat-chick denial, cause J. Alba just called and begged us for a 3-some! I told her I'd think about it, and get back in a day or so. Yeah, she sounded like she was crying, but, you know. This shit happens all the time, and you gotta have standards.

Zanna--taking a random stab here--I'd guess you don't do *any* "chics," fat or not.

Jessica's cute in the last picture, but what is she hiding in the others? Stretch marks?

The teeth in the first pic. Not very sexy, Jessica. That's not the beaver shot we were looking for.

I can't wait for Uncle Jesse to see this.

Tranny, Have you been drinking again? You know how you get when you drink. You call people cunt and then you wake up in the morning with a raging hard on, headache and you have to bury another body deep enough so that the dog doesn't find it.

Sounds suspiciously like the Tranny hasn't gotten any in a L-O-N-G time.
Sorry, but I'm a hater on those who don't have any observations or opinions about the actual pix on this site and just spew random, meaningless hate instead.

My observation? At 26 and a "star" only because of her looks, Jess shouldn't have to cover up anything. If she's got something to hide, then why the hell is she wearing on itsy-bitsy bikini in the first place?

She is pregnant. I just know it. Adam's baby - let's start the rumor.

I couldn't sign in all day today... did i get blocked?

anyways. Thats guy is so grosssss.

20 Cruisin

You know I can't talk about that!

21 Master B8 Er

Don't apologize, just makes you look like more of a weak little clown. If you want to attempt an insult, try it. Like trying to get your micro-penis past the labia majora and even into the labia minora....that is SO close to the cunt!

Ok, since my social relevance on this page has been questioned, here is my thoughts on J. Sim.....Looks great without make up, and, although I would like it a bit more plump, eating calamari italiano from her ass crack would be okey dokey with me. As long a she didn't talk.

23 I wish you were blocked. Dear Jesus, no one is here but you and me. And that H8TR guy that clearly is posting about another post even though he "hates" that and then says he sorry like a pussy.

Bad night.

It’s like every day she is moulding more and more into Ashley. That’s really not a good thing – especially when you’re looking like pre op Ash.

On closer observation, is it possible that Ken is in fact fixing her bikini top? Those things can be a shit to try and tie yourself especially when you have your hair out.

Fag Hag, yokel. But nice rack. Sister got the nose job and passed her up. Its your move, Jess. Time to just say fuck it and go Jordan (the skanky British model, not the B-Baller) with the cha chas. Blow them up to a good 36FF. By the way, she is covering up with the towel because her top is off.

She's cute enough to be the belle of a bar, but only a shade of her previous hotness.

There should be a place for folks like her and Britney, kinda like a Fug Spa. There they go through the personal trainer from hell (I suggest Tranny) and anytime they go to put on huge sunglasses or stupid wigs they get majorly bitchslapped.

They not allowed out until the Superfish gives them the thumbs up.

Jessica is old news! She's actually less appealing without Nick following her around calling her "babe".

Now, I have some hot news that you can use!...

http://www.blackbeatpress.com

Tranny needs a serving of Creme du krisdylee, served hot and toasty on a bed of melted chocolate and Ritz crackers...

with a side Zannaganoush for dipping.

Damn sunglasses look like two tv screens in frames

AUTHOR: leftcoast
EMAIL:
IP: 68.189.51.188
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DATE: 07/13/2006 12:32:00 AM
AUTHOR: leftcoast
EMAIL:
IP: 68.189.51.188
URL:
DATE: 07/13/2006 12:32:00 AM

Considering no one's asked yet...what happened to her tits? Where'd they go?

Check out the pic of her lying on her back. Those are NOT the tits that got Jessica her own show on MTV.

What, did Ashlee steal those, too?

Uhhh, she's not topless, she's knocked up. And it's not adam's, it's hohans since she actually has a dick.

#7 no kidding hahaha

PHOTO 1 = CHICLET TEETH!! Like Walter Matthau in that Dennis the Menace movie!
Holy Jeebus. Now included in her plastic surgery 'wish list' should be some nice veneers that don't accidentally pop out bucky-like on impromptu, unprofessionally taken b-day shots.
We shouldn't have laughed about Ashlee's nose job so soon... If I had to choose who I'd have a bare-breasted, jello-wrestling, first-time lesbian experience with, it would definately be Ashlee now... ;)

until that whore wstarts sucking dick, who cares...

*starts*

Jessica is a lovely girl, but I agree with an earlier poster: what's with the gigantic sunglasses? Jebus, why does every two-bit starlet wear shades that make her look like an insect? Or my grandma? Blue Blockers look cooler than the ginormo shades, for the love of cheese.

I do appreciate that JS has stopped with the orange skin already. That shit was grossing me out.

This is off topic but I was kinda waiting for this to come out in this site.
HAHAHA!!!
It's Paris' pussy!

http://www.imnotobsessed.com/2006/07/07/omg-this-is-so-bad

40. Paris is such a skank. If you're not wearing underwear or wearing very little - why would you get out of a car with your legs spread open like that? Especially when people are taking pictures of you. I love how she's hiding her head but not her pussy. She's an attention whore.

I don't know what to say about Jess. Stupid hat, hating the sunglasses, odd bikini, she's looking a bit embarrassed about her body. Don't look all that much like a birthday party to me, looks a lot like work.

@18 - why would you say that? Because I'm a stripper or because of my love of corndogs?

@30 - now you don't see that recipe on foodnetwork....Four Stars!

Tranny - I can't believe you made J. Alba cry....call her back, damnit!

Jessica still has the whitest teeth I've ever come upon.

After Papa Joe and Nick Lagay, I'll bet she's still uber tight.

I want to pound her until she walks like a crab, ... is that wrong?

She has more weave than a dog running through traffic! At least Lindsey was nice enough to show off her mams and give mock head on camera... I thought most humans only had 32 teeth, she clearly has far more. And that gorgeous satiny coverall is nothing more than a quite expensive cum rag.

you know what i think? cause clearly everyone CARES about my opinion- i think she is doing this whole "i'm beautiful but i choose to act like a brainless oaf" routine so that nick will see the pictures and get all "aaw, i miss jess, shes so cute". she is a woman afterall and we do things like that cause we're evil- shes a definite retard but still a woman.

Those fucking sunglasses! Jesus, what is it with itty bitty girls and those behemoth fucking glasses! Enough already! Basta!

Jessica has a great body...she looks healthy. Pay attention Nicole, Keira, Hohan, Posh, Mary Kate, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.

That's a very corny opened-mouth smile-hat-grab in the third picture though. FUCK! It's so fucking gay and posed. I fucking hate that!
(what is wrong with me?)

I think she was trying to find the Chicken From the Sea.

I'm sorry.....I could never have sex with a
stupid person. I don't care if they do look doable. I've never seen her naked so I really don't know if she is worth a ride but I really need a girl with an IQ too.

it looks like her bathing suit top came untied. Ken Paves retied it for in one pic and that is why she is covering up with the table cloth. am i the only one who sees this?

She's hot people c'mon.

great...she's hot and has big cans,BUT SHE DOESN'T SUCK DICK...so what good is she????

@49: I'll tell you what's wrong with you in two words:

Fucking Moron.

In case all of you haven't noticed, the big sunglasses for women just happens to be in vogue right now so raggin' on her for that is just plain idiotic. I agree I can't stand the big sunglasses craze but we can't blame Jessica for that. Anyways I was never big on her by that I mean I don't think I have actually rubbed one out and thought of her. Who says she doesn't suck dick? Thats a lie! I know cuz, well, uh, I just know!

I don't know why there's always this big debate about who's hot and who's ugly.
I know most of you are like me and would have sex with pretty much anything if it gave you a compliment and had appropriate genitalia.

jrzmommy's idea of "high fashion" is Fashion Bug Plus. With sunglasses courtesy of Rite Aid.

I think she's very pretty and the second picture is really cute, but I HATE that open-mouth, hat-grabbing, lying-on-her-back picture. It is stupid and stagily posed and looks slutty. Like a JC Penney catalog pose if all the models were tramps.

Hey, Shitface--it seems like your entire purpose for existing is to fuck with me....it kinda reminds me of when little boys pick on girls because they really like them...except they're sweet little boys and you're an ignorant fucking douchebag with no life and and no friends, except for the ones you've made up in your fucked-up, twisted mind.

I'd so hit that...just to get a piece of her i'd do a 3-way with joe simpson!!

I gotta admit, she looks hot in all those pics.

59--see 49. Ha ha!! It's true--it's totally obnoxious.

Obviously pregnant, or forgot to get a bikini wax.

@63: HEY EVERYBODY!!!!! LOOK AT MY COMMENT ABOVE!!!!! I SAID SOMETHING JUST LIKE IT!!!!! LOVE ME!!!!! I CAN HIT REFRESH FASTER THAN ANYONE!!!!! AND POST MORE THAN ANYONE!!!!! BECAUSE I'M THE FUCKING DOUCHEBAG WITH NO LIFE!!!! YIPEE!!!!

She just keeps getting hotter and hotter.

She looks ok, but god!!! if i could just set that stupid-ass floppy cowboy hat on fire!! I swear that is the most redneck-slut accessory on the planet. Where is her budweiser and chipped toenail polish?

Her boobs don't seem to look like an exploded can of biscuits either, so she's doin' ok.

CURSE YOU, TYPEKEEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!

Ahem. Anyways, about the huge sunglasses, yes, big sunglasses are in, I have some cute ones myself, but they're still about half the size of those. MODERATION. Those windshields are bigger than my snowboarding goggles. No joke.

NEW TOPIC!!

I think she needs to start putting ProActive on her back. That guy in the 2nd to the last picture looks like he's popping a winner.

"Jessica Simpsons Birthday Bukkake Party"

What a fargin' hillbilly.

Italion Stallion lives for bukkake, tastes great, low carbs.

67 - Every redneck slut should have a floppy cowboy hat. I have 7, one for every can of PBR I need to drink before I'm spread-eagle on the bar singing Hank Williams and setting off bottle rockets from my snatch.

Who the fuck is ItaliOn Stallion, if your gonna try to insult me atleast spell my fucking name right. ItaliAn Stallion motherfucker!!!!!!!!

"...i'm so looonesome i could cry..."

Did I read that right, osh is spread eagle, yipeee I've got the go ahead to land my Boeing down her landingstrip

bad horsey, too much potty mouth, need to paddle your rump.

from the look of it, the hairdresser may be forcing some unwanted spit shine

only if your a girl may you paddle the horsey.

@80 Does a hermaphrodite count? That's Megan's burning question. And the burning comes from the combo hemorrhoids/prolasped rectum.

77 - Let me sweep away these empty beer cans and burned firecrackers real quick... Okay, all clear! Burn 'em and turn 'em, Mav!

I have two pertly bumps and a non furry mound.

Miss Jane, would you kindly not discuss my misfortunate rectum in front of company?

Sorry, sweetie.

So you don't mind us chatting about your man/woman combo? I only want to talk about what's comfortable for you.

ohhhh yeah, osh i've got my nuts down and the head up, may need some lubricant on the runway, looks dry and I'm comin in hard

Apparently Ken Paves is her only friend. If I'm not mistaken, he's on her new album cover.

#56

Just because something is in style does not make it any less fugly. To wear something that is fugly or looks like crap on you just because it's in style is stupid, not an excuse.

Didn't we learn ANYTHING from the eighties?

Her father masterbates to pic number three daily. It's gotten so bad that her mother had to run out and buy new dishtowels.

She was on her period that day and felt and looked a little bloated that's all. She will forever be bangable in my eyes...

I wood fuck her wit out a condum just like her sister and anyone else that wants to fuck Justin Igger.

bikini bottom says: please fill me innnnn, there is nothing to hold me up im sagginnnn!!
Beyonce's bikini bottom says: help!!! ,im extended to the maximum and all i see is big juicy booty all day !! its unbearable !!

She looks better every day.

If she's going to cover up her tits, there's absolutely no reason for her to go out in public.

#94 Courtney

That is the first time I've laughed out loud at something on here in a while. Thanks!

Sweet.

Why be a virgin when you can be a slutty divorcee? Pic 4 is a great example of how she's going to buy her way into the "gates of heaven"

#21, Hey H8ter - I am a few days late and the pictures are gone. So if I say that you're a pussy is that bad? because I can't comment on anything else other than the fact that you're a fag.