Aug 4 2006Britney Spears is very truly out of her mind
If at any point in your life you ever thought Britney Spears wasn't insane this video should change your mind. You know you're pushing the limits of human stupidity when you make Kevin Federline sound intelligent. It's hard to fathom that this is even real. If you read a transcript you'd think it was a draft for a new Kevin Smith movie. And the fact that this woman has more money than the GDP of Albania (that's probably not true) is depressing on so many levels. If you don't normally watch the videos on the site I highly recommend you check this one out. If nothing else because the very meaning of life is contained in it somewhere. Along with burping, moaning, and the strangest behavior you will ever witness in your entire life.
Thanks to the saucy Kirsten and Selene for the tip.
Aug 4 2006Melanie Griffith knows good parenting
Melanie Griffith was photographed outside Maxfield's in Beverly Hills lighting her 17-year-old daughter's cigarette despite the smoking age being 18 in the United States. Bad parenting? Or real American hero. Only time will tell.
More of Melanie and her daughter looking like strung out hippies after the jump.
Aug 4 2006Penelope Cruz meets Suri
Penelope Cruz is the latest human being to come out and confirm they've met Suri Cruise.
"I met Suri. She is really beautiful. She is really special," the 32-year-old actress told reporters Thursday at the London premiere of her new film, Volver. "One of the most beautiful babies I have ever seen. And I am extremely happy for them. They are really happy and doing great."
I'm pretty sure Tom Cruise is just inviting people over to his house and then forcing them to pretend they saw his child. "You'll do it because I know where you live. You tell everybody she's the most beautiful baby you've ever seen or else I'll destroy you. I'm Tom Cruise, bitch!" And then he dresses up Katie Holmes as a lumberjack and has sex with "her."
Aug 3 2006Scarlett Johansson might be a bovine
Scarlett Johansson and Josh Hartnett were spotted getting ice cream in SoHo with Scarlett sporting a new nose ring. Not one of those studs that hipster chicks get. A full on ring. Like the kind bulls wear. Combine that with her giant milk jugs and I'm pretty sure she's turning into a cow.
Some more of Scarlett's bizarre nose ring after the jump.
Aug 3 2006Star Jones is fat and whiny
Star Jones is still grasping at fame and has it in her head that somebody is out to get her after it was falsely reported her marriage to Al Reynolds was over.
"These categorically false stories and their continuation are clearly being generated by someone for vindictive reasons alone," the former View cohost, 44, says in a statement issued by her publicist. The statement goes on to say that the couple's "legal representatives have been investigating the source and motivation of these boldfaced lies for some time now and are very close to exposing the individual who has perpetrated them. At which time, appropriate legal action will be taken."
I wouldn't be surprised if Star Jones leaked the story herself. Since leaving The View the only thing she's got going in her life is lunch. And dinner. And the bucket of popcorn she has while driving to McDonalds.
NOTE: I don't care how much weight she loses, Star Jones will always be the fat chick on The View that got knocked on her ass by a football.
Aug 3 2006Lindsay Lohan's mother is still an idiot
Lindsay Lohan's mom is being sued by a record company who says she signed Lindsay up for a record deal but broke the contract after a larger label picked her up.
According to Almeida and Chait, they worked with the actress to complete half the tracks on an album with Estefan in 2002-03. Then in 2004, a major record label came calling and Lohan was signed to a long-term recording contract with Tommy Mottola's Casablanca Records, where she subsequently released her debut album, Speak, and its follow-up, A Little More Personal (Raw). However, the starlet's move to Casablanca did not please Almeida and Chait, who allege they were left on the hook for tens of thousands of dollars, leading them to file suit against Dina Lohan (or, as she's called in their suit, "Dinah") in May. As a result, Lohan (or "Lindsey," per court documents) has been requested to put in an appearance at a Los Angeles law office on Aug. 29 to discuss the history of her musical career and the role her mother has played in it.
Tens of thousands of dollars? If you're going after Lindsay Lohan set your sights a little higher. A few million. Her house. Anything. They might as well be asking for lunch money and a pony. Which they can later sell for a spell checker. "Lindsey" and "Dinah" Lohan? It's like they picked up their lawyers from the local kindergarten.
Aug 3 2006Marie Osmond is still alive
Despite reports by the National Enquirer that Marie Osmond was hospitalized after a failed suicide attempt, her manager says it was just a bad reaction to some medication and she's doing fine now.
"She basically had an adverse reaction to some medication she was taking and she blacked out," spokeswoman Amy Hawkes said. Osmond, who lives in Utah County about 30 miles from Salt Lake City, spent a couple of days at Timpanogos Regional Medical Center in Orem last week, Hawkes said. "She's doing fine. She's vacationing with her family right now," she said. "We deal with those tabloids all the time," said Karl Engemann, Osmond's manager. "You get tired of responding. It's like punching Jell-O."
It's about time we had some updates on Marie Osmond's life. Because I've, uh, really been like thinking about her. Or something. Definitely. Why does she look like she wants to eat my liver?
Aug 3 2006Jenna Jameson gets waxed
As if there weren't enough creepy temptations around the world, Jenna Jameson has become the first porn star to be immortalized at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum. And in future news, creepy perverts break into Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum and are caught trying to have sex with a wax figure of Jenna Jameson. Which they later realize isn't Jenna Jameson at all. Or even a wax figure. They were just doing it with the trash can. Because that's what creepy perverts do. They hump things.
Aug 3 2006Mel Gibson gets charged
The Disctrict Attorney's office announced yesterday that Mel Gibson has been charged with a misdemeanor DUI.
Gibson, 50, (dob 1-3-56), was charged with one misdemeanor count each of driving under the influence and driving while having a .08 percent or higher blood alcohol content, said Deputy District Attorney Ralph Shapiro, the deputy in charge of the Malibu office. In addition, Gibson was charged with driving with an open container, an infraction of the vehicle code. Gibson was stopped about 2:09 a.m. Friday on Pacific Coast Highway after a Los Angeles County Sheriff’s deputy allegedly observed him driving his 2006 Lexus LS at more than 85 mph. An open bottle of tequila allegedly was found in his car. He was released on Friday on his own recognizance. His arraignment is set for Sept. 28 in Malibu Superior Court, Division 3. If convicted, he’s facing up to six months in county jail.
Not a good past couple days for Mel. First getting pulled over while drunk, then caught being a raging anti-Semite, now being charged with a misdemeanor DUI. The only way things could get any worse is if he wakes up tomorrow with a dead Jewish prostitute in his bed and a knife glued to his hand.
Aug 2 2006Bai Ling is classy
I honestly have no idea what Bai Ling has ever done in her entire life and yet I feel compelled to post about her and all the pornographic things she does. A regular human being holds up a bottle of margarita and that's it. Somebody like Bai Ling has to pretend to lick it, just in case we've all forgotten she's the living manifestation of sexual deviance. We get it. You have no self esteem. Just turn to food or stripping like all the other girls whose daddy didn't love them and let the paparazzi focus on real celebrities. Like, uh, my penis? He's huge in Europe. And pretty much every other part of the world.
Aug 2 2006Anna Nicole Smith has no friends
Anna Nicole Smith says in her latest video journal entry that she'd like to meet Britney Spears and be her friend.
“If you wanted to be friends, I would so much love to hang out with you,” the six-months-pregnant former Playboy pinup says in a video on her Web site — even though she spells Spears' first name “Brittany.” She goes on to say “I think you’re totally cool and I think we’re going to have our babies about the same time.” On another video, Smith treats viewers to the sight of her frying up a peanut butter, cheese and mayonnaise sandwich. The merry widow, however, had better hope that some of the money from her late billionaire hubby comes through, because she’s not getting rich off this venture. The members-only video site charges $4.99 per member, so with 183 members, she has raked in a whopping $913.17.
They could sit in lawn chairs all day eating Cheetos and swapping mayonnaise recipes. Or talk about how everybody seems to hate them because 'they all jus' jealous.' Although if Anna Nicole Smith and Britney Spears actually got together it'd create a concentration of white trash so powerful the Universe might collapse into itself.
Aug 2 2006Nick Lachey likes smart people
Nick Lachey is reportedly telling people he likes Vanessa Minnillo because she's the complete opposite of Jessica Simpson.
“Nick keeps telling Vanessa the difference between her and Jessica is that she is extremely intelligent,” a “Minnillo pal” tells the upcoming issue of US Weekly. What’s more, the MTV host is also different from Lachey’s ex because she loves sports and is a “guy’s girl” who loves to “play darts and chill,” according to a friend of the couple. And on July 24, Minnillo gave Lachey “several lap dances” at a New York hot spot called Butter Lounge.
So all this time I thought Nick Lachey was attracted to breasts it was really the big bouncy brains he was after. At last there's finally an explanation for why he went for Jessica Simpson and the former Miss Kentucky. Those two make Einstein and Hawking look like the kids who sat in the back of class and ate their own boogers.
Aug 2 2006Jessica Simpson wears see through clothes to The Ivy
IMAGE REMOVED
Jessica Simpson looks like she just got off a tough day of prostituting herself. I can get on board with the see through clothes, but everything above the neck is just all wrong. Showing off your nipples is one thing, looking like you've been walking up and down Robertson Blvd all night asking men if they'd like a good time is another.
More of Jessica Simpson and her see through top after the jump.
Aug 2 2006Sean Combs has poor manners
Sean Combs (I've forgotten what I'm supposed to call him so I'm going with his real name) was five and half hours late to his own party in St. Tropez because he had been up the night before partying past dawn to promote his new fragrance Unforgivable. The party started at 2:30pm but Sean didn't show up until 8pm, and a bunch of weird moments occurred during the the festivities including:
Ivana Trump and daughter Ivanka were flanked by burly bodyguards all night, with a spooked Ivana telling Page Six she's been receiving chilling death and kidnapping threats from the Russian Mafia. "I'm terrified for my life," she said.Ivanka was looking so terrific that jealous tongues were wagging that The Donald's 24-year-old daughter may have had a little surgical help. Sources say she "went to Mexico for a business trip" and came back with curves in all the right places. Ivanka's representative, Catherine Saxton, was unavailable for comment.
Another odd scene erupted as the paparazzi followed Victoria Silvstedt to Diddy's big finale at the Club VIP. The Playboy pin-up from Sweden erupted when she noticed that some snappers were admiring X-rated photos of her on their hand-held computers. Defiantly, she marched up to the leering lensmen, yanked her shirt to flash her boobs and then stormed off.
A few feet away, Russian billion-heiress Anna Anisimova sashayed by with an army of security toughs protecting the $5 million worth of diamonds adorning her bod.
I've never been to a Sean Combs party but they sound like a damn good time. People afraid of being kidnapped, Playboy models flashing for the paparazzi, and sordid rumors of billionaire plastic surgeries. Throw in a few midgets in cowboy costumes and you've got yourself a diddy of a good time. See what I did there? Diddy? Clever!
Aug 2 2006Liv Tyler hits puberty
All the money and resources in the world and even somebody like Liv Tyler can't avoid being seen in public with a pimple the size of my fist on her nose. You'd think celebrities would have some super expensive secret technique for dealing with blemishes. Like rubbing bald eagle poo on their face. Or diamonds. Or bald eagle poo covered in diamonds. The more extravagant and expensive it is, the better it works. That's a scientific fact.
Aug 1 2006Holy server problems, Batman!
We've been having some serious server issues which is responsible for no less than all of the following: site not loading, comments not going through, multiple comments being posted, me not being able to post, and me wanting to kill myself. We're still trying to get things fixed but our tech guys have no idea what's going on. Apparently computers are made up of microchips and circuits these days and shaking them violently isn't the fix-all solution you'd think it'd be.
Aug 1 2006Lindsay Lohan gets fired
Lindsay Lohan has reportedly been dropped from her UK record label Island Records after failing to travel to London for a planned promotional campaign. The album was recorded last year and now the label has shelved it and decided not to work with her again.
"A single was a huge flop over here because Lindsay couldn't be bothered to promote it. In the end they didn't even bother releasing the album in Britain. She didn't bother to come over to the UK to do interviews or make TV appearances to help sell the album. Island have now decided not to do another one with her."
Even if she had shown up the single still would've flopped. They could've spent $3 billion and hired some dancing elephants but that still wouldn't have saved it. Bad music is bad music, and Lindsay Lohan's bad music is about as bad as bad music can get. But bad Lindsay is bad and bad bad bad. And bad. Maybe bad. Bad.
Aug 1 2006Mel Gibson gets some help
Mel Gibson's publicist has confirmed that he's checked himself into rehab, although the details of when and where are still unknown. Right now Mel is free on $5,000 bail and has a scheduled court date on September 28, and the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office is deciding this week whether or not they're going to file charges against him. Additionally, celebrity agent Ari Emanuel is urging other celebrities to boycott working with Mel Gibson in an effort to show Hollywood won't tolerate his racism and anti-Semitism. And with all the bad press surrounding this incident I guess it's safe to say there won't ever be a sequel to Braveheart. Which is too bad, because I was really looking forward to Braveheart 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Jul 31 2006Jamie Lynn Spears has herpes
You know what the difference between a cold sore and herpes is? Here's a hint: absolutely nothing. You know what I had when I was 15-years-old? A driver's permit and my dad's Ferrari. Not herpes. I was too busy making fun of poor and ugly people to be blowing them and giving myself a permanent virus that grows blisters on my mouth. But considering the only role model she had was Britney Spears, it's a miracle she only has herpes and didn't marry the homeless guy who lives in the sewer.
Jul 31 2006Lindsay Lohan wears bikini #286
IMAGE REMOVED
The day just wouldn't be complete without some shots of Lindsay Lohan on a Malibu beach in a new bikini. They said on Access Hollywood that if you line up all of her bikinis in a single line it would circle the globe twice. And be able to feed all the starving children in Africa. And cure cancer or something. Actually I think I may have been watching an infomercial.
More of Lindsay and her new blue bikini after the jump.
Jul 31 2006Lindsay Lohan's mother is an idiot
Lindsay Lohan's mom has responded to the letter written by the CEO of Morgan Creek Productions reprimanding her for partying too much and holding up the production of their movie, saying:
"My daughter is a wonderful child. This is too much. Maybe he has personal issues with whomever, and it came out with my child. I don't know him. I can't judge him. I don't think it was a smart thing to do to a young girl. I'm a mother and will do what I need to do to protect my child. … She's a human being. There was one day when she was late, and they (director Garry Marshall and costar Jane Fonda) worked the schedule around her. Garry, Jane, everybody loves her."
Yeah, I guess telling a young girl to honor her work commitments before partying would be a terrible thing to do. It might almost be confused as good parenting. Which clearly Lindsay Lohan's mom has no comprehension of. She talks about everybody reworking their schedules around Lindsay like it's something to be proud of. Lindsay could push a handicapped guy down the stairs and her mom would just hold her head up high and say, "That's my girl! I taught her that!"
Jul 31 2006Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are married
Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock got married on a yacht in St. Tropez on Saturday in their first of four planned weddings, the next three being in Malibu, Detroit, and Nashville. And judging by the string bikini and topless Kid Rock you can tell they really went all out to keep this a classy affair. Throw in some closeup shots of the drinks and you'd think this was a damn beer commercial. Only slightly more degrading to women and with less refereces to smooth bold flavors.
More of Pamela Anderson celebrating her wedding in an alternate pink bikini after the jump.
Jul 31 2006Jessica Simpson's parents are messed up
Living up to his creepy perverted-father image, Jessica Simpson's dad was quoted by The Scoop talking about how hot his daughter looked, saying:
“She just is sexy. If you put her in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got double Ds! You can't cover those suckers up!”
Additionally, Jessica's mom recently objected to a photoshoot for OK! magazine which featured Jessica lying in bed in her underwear with a guy unbuttoning his shirt. Joe Simpson had approved the shoot, but Tina felt it made Jessica look “slutty” and wasn't the image they were going for. Although by "they" she meant "her." Because if it were up to Jessica Simpson and her dad the photoshoot would've featured even less clothing and maybe some maple syrup. There probably wouldn't even be a camera involved. Just a roll of condoms and a camcorder set up in the corner.
Jul 31 2006Mel Gibson drinks and drives and acts crazy
Mel Gibson was arrested for a DUI on Friday after going 87 mph in a 45 mph zone, and during his confrontation with the arresting officers started acting nuts and saying ridiculously offensive things:
Once inside the car, a source directly connected with the case says Gibson began banging himself against the seat. The report says Gibson told the deputy, "You mother f****r. I'm going to f*** you." The report also says "Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he 'owns Malibu' and will spend all of his money to 'get even' with me." The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: "F*****g Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Gibson then asked the deputy, "Are you a Jew?" The deputy became alarmed as Gibson's tirade escalated, and called ahead for a sergeant to meet them when they arrived at the station. When they arrived, a sergeant began videotaping Gibson, who noticed the camera and then said, "What the f*** do you think you're doing?" A law enforcement source says Gibson then noticed another female sergeant and yelled, "What do you think you're looking at, sugar tits?"
And on Saturday he issued a statement apologizing for his behavior, saying:
"After drinking alcohol on Thursday night, I did a number of things that were very wrong and for which I am ashamed. I drove a car when I should not have, and was stopped by the LA County Sheriffs. The arresting officer was just doing his job and I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person. I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said. Also, I take this opportunity to apologize to the deputies involved for my belligerent behavior. They have always been there for me in my community and indeed probably saved me from myself. I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry. I have battled with the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse. I apologize for any behavior unbecoming of me in my inebriated state and have already taken necessary steps to ensure my return to health."
As is usually the case, I like drunk Mel Gibson a hell of a lot more than sober Mel Gibson. Sure, sober Mel Gibson directed Braveheart, but drunk Mel Gibson calls women "sugar tits" and insults entire groups of people. He could stop a bullet with his bare hands and he still wouldn't be as awesome in my eyes as he is this very moment.
