Jun 30 2006Victoria Beckham can't afford a new shirt

Her shirt exploded.

I bet the beave get's mighty sweaty in that pleather get-up.

it's funny she could find a shirt small enough that it appears she's busting out of it.

She's got to show off her two greatest assets, or investments (if you factor in the cost of the implants) to her adoring public. Those girl udders are national treasures in the UK, even the Queen bows before them.

She must've had something done to her face that makes it impossible for her to close her mouth.

she has no butt

next we'll see Britney in a top like this. now i have to struggle to picture something- anything- besides Britney's tits hanging out.

Why doesn't she just go run around naked, with one of those billboards you wear, that says,

PAY ATTENTION TO ME, YOU POOR PATHETIC PEASANTS!!!

*exhales slowly* okay.....where should I start?

spicegirls for life! right? right?

She looks like a combination of so many Disney characters it's hard to choose just one, but if I had to I think Fifel the mouse would come out on top. Her face and skin is just distorted - she almost looks like a strange barbie doll. Gross.

I think she's thinner than Nicole Richie these days.

http://www.wehateeverybody.com

(pig grunt noise)

one of these days.....

I'm going to cut you into little pieces.

The belt buckle is bigger than her whole head. That's a really season-appropriate outfit she has on . She is the picture of an English garden on a glorius summer's morning.

she may have some pushed up boobs but where's her ass? flat ass a fucking pancake!

9--if that's said in a desperate, nerdy teenybopper girl voice then I'm laughing my ass of big time right now.

I think these pictures of Posh Spice are supposed to turn me on, but I am strangely flaccid right now.

... but she can afford a nosejob.

(And she should get one, too.)

Dear David Beckham:
WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS? I'm tellin' ya, she's no good for you, baby. LOOK! Just where is she going, David? She's going to Mistress V's S&M Dungeon, that's where, David. And she's going to flog fat, bald British bankers while you're scoring goal after goal after goal in the World Cup to keep her in plastic and silicone.
Sincerely,
Jrzmommy

I'm happy to see her in any clothes at all. She's so thin, her bare collarbone could probably put someone's eye out.

glossedover.com

Dear Victoria Beckham:

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Sincerely,

Tits On Snack.

Dear Victoria Beckham:

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Sincerely,

Tits On Snack.

oh for fuck sake, sorry 'bout the double post.

What the hell is that ring on her right hand?
That thing could pass for brass knuckles!

she can afford to rent a fat suction vacum for a day...i highly doubt she couldn't afford a shirt.

All I can think about is walking up to her and giving those sweet plastic titties a nice motor boat. But in all seriousness, I would kill for those legs. Even shaved, mine don't look anything that sweet.

did anyone ever read the Vanity Fair article/interview with David Beckham from last year I think? Well, she answers the door in a string bikini covered in some meshy thing. Then the interviewer asks her some questions and she says that she doesn't want to be in on the interview. So a little while later, while Becks is talking to the journalist, Miss Douchebag comes out and plops her FAT ass down 5 feet away from them on a chaise and starts to sunbathe topless. I mean, can you SCREAM for attention any more you fucking pathetic cunt?

Apparently she was there to fix her bald spot - see Popsugar.com for the story.
Me thinks every inch of her is fake, which prolly makes for easy cleanup - wink wink know what I mean.

*Song playing over and over again in Posh Spice's head* "I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts..."

No really. It really, really hurts my too-f'n big bazongas.

Whatever happened to Scary Spice? Now that was a nice piece of freak ass.

@4 That's how she gets her nutrients. She inhales gnats.

Ribs poking out and tits that look harder than Star Jones Husband when he sees the pool boy. Yeah, thats attractive. She looks like Terry Hatcher after giving a blow-job to the boob fairy.

Abso-fucking-lutely NOT HOT.

Everything the British do is like a cheap knock-off of the American version. Witness, the knock-off Jessica Simpson. And that bad version of Pamela Anderson... what's her name? Jordan? Jordan is a boy's name. Stupid, tacky Brits.

I propose the tramp-stamp corollary: if a woman looks good with a tramp-stamp then she will look good showing off her bra. In this case, show it, Obscenely Thin Spice, show it.

How can someone so rich look so fucking desperate? I swear that handbag alone could pay my mortgage for a month. Or for my whores.

I always thought that all of those fucking Spice Girls were unnecessary....there didn't need to be 5 or 6 or however many there were. They only needed one, totally whored-out chick and they coulda called her Allspice.

I will only be interested when Victoria does her first double penetration shot.
People don't want to read about her shopping experiences they want to see a
big dick cum on Victoria's face.

her tits are up on her clavical.

#36 - She'd have to be a Milano with a blonde bush and one blue eye and one brown. And a tongue piercing for fun.

39 - that reminds me of those interracial Pepperidge Farm cookies, Mulattos.

...and a bowl in her lip.

mulattos are SO good when you wash them down with Kool-Aid

Hey, here's an idea... can we hear some more comments from jrzmommy? She doesn't nearly comment enough.

It would be better if she didn't wear a bra

hotplateface makes their comment debut, however, by commenting on a commentors amount of comments. Bravo, hotplateface! We're astounded by your observational skills!

I'm sorry hotplateface but where the fuck did you come from that you can insert your opinion on the posters. Start with the celebs like all newbies do.
jrzmommy is taking the day off from her exciting - worth reading life. Go get one.

fucking meeting took all mornin, don't they know I have better things to do like get on the SF, shit.

and whadda you know, in the meeting we were talking about which spice girls we would fuck, marry and kill,

I picked posh as "kill"...

#46 That's interesting. When I was new to this site, somebody told me I had to jump Diablo Canyon on my bicycle and drink a glass of my own urine before I was allowed to post. Now I realize somebody was just taking advantage of my all-too-trusting nature.

Thanks for taking care of that, 45 & 46. I was away from my computer giving my remarks at the weekly meeting of the Commenters Guild. #43--are you my husband in disguise?

#36, jrzmommy LOL!!!! Allspice comment cracked me up.

OOOOOO... I'm so hurt. Yeah, you really have an EXCITING life when you hit refresh every 20 seconds.

#51

what's the matter, got hot plate lunches thrown at your face one to many times.

...oh, no, wait, hotplateface is DEFINITELY my mom with that comment.

A hot plate means taking a dump on someone's face.

#54

not in this site it don't

I love the scar on her boney knee... that just made her slightly remotely attractive. Nothing like a rich beeotch going down while kneeling on pavestones. And that oinker of a nose just means she'll be able to breathe when she swallows a tsunami like spew. The missing button is just to give her the illusion of just having been gangfucked in the fitting room at Fendi, so we'll all think she's hotter than the pictures allow.

"not in this site it don't"

What a wordsmith.

People, FOCUS! Stop fighting! This is the beginning of a fabulously long weekend and all you can do is argue? Not fun.

The most important question today is where the hell has PapaHotNuts been???

#48 I know I told you that you had to jump the canyon them drink a glass of a bums piss. Start again please.

And why do I smell a rotton banana on the hotplate?

Hotplate--why would you call yourself a name that someone who doesn't like you would call you?

#57

I have to write in words you can easily understand, now go back to class or your 6th grade teacher will report you missing.

IT MEANS I LIKE TO SHIT ON FACES. Ever hear of the "glass table"?

Mommy? Can I ride the big DUMB ponie?!?!?

No, Hotplate, we've never heard of that. This is a CHRISTIAN site. We don't shit on each other's faces here.

only if your a girl... bitch

...we just shit on celebrities here. but not faces or glass coffee tables or whatever it is that you do.

#63

You may want to be careful, #64 is a pretty fucking funny beeotch. You'll have to do better than that. That Allspice comment is classic.

Yeah, she's a regular phyllis diller.

Perhaps hotplateface is Pete Doherty--he's moved from smearing blood to smearing his (or any one elses') feces.

she looks like a dominatrix capuchin monkey. speaking of capuchin monkeys... did you know they were whores too? maybe she is their heidi.

New rule: All newcomers must earn their "ghetto pass" by having sex with me. That way, we can only hear from other foxy bitches and hot guys with massive genitals like ourselves. It would be wrong to go about this any other way. Wrong, I tell you.

I'm so hot I can't walk by a garden hose without it getting an erection.

Ewww! Hotplate likes to eat shit. Nasty

I never said I ate it, fartface.

hotplateface

are you into japanese porn, I hear they like to do that, and if so, you must be at the bottm end of that deal.

Dear Victoria Beckham:
I have found someone to fulfil your desire for being treated like a toilet. Here's the deal, you give me David and I give to....HOTPLATEFACE.
signed--Jrzmommy

#59 I'm not certain why you feel the need to tell me to drink bum piss. Where I'm from, that's either fightin' words, or a dare. If it's the former, I'll spare you the list of things I can suggest you do to/with yourself. If it's the latter, I refuse on the basis that bum urine is carcinogenic, and the methods used to gather it are needlessly cruel.

fartface? Listen, I told you, this is a Christian site, fella. We don't talk like that here.

damn jrzmommy,

if she's turning over becks, i'll supply the glass plate so i can get me some of that action.

David Beckham wouldn't fuck you with a 20 foot jousting stick. The smell of your fish flaps alone would melt hardwood trees.

bum urine comes from Salvia plants and it makes teenagers go bonkers!

.......Playin a game with ur mom called "Hide my nutts in ur mouth"......

HEHE.

hardwood trees? wait....hard....wood.....trees.....hey, isn't that redundant?

wow. you're a bitchy one ain'cha?

change "hardwood trees" to "hardwood floors" and "20 foot jousting stick" with "i think i hear your mom coming, you cum-guzzling 16 year-old dipshit" and we've got ourselves a deal.

Considering these tepid responses from the table defecator, I shall move forward with my proposal to my local congressperson to have high school extended to a 12 month program, thereby relegating its unwitty snorefests to the overnights hours like the rest of the teens here. What a way to try and ruin the start of my fourth of July holiday; it must be a Brit.
And I apologize; I ususally don't go after other commenters, I kind of feel like live and let live. But some thing smells very high school around here and I've hated high school kids every since I was in high school... all 6 years of it.

http://www.naturehills.com/new/product/trees_subcategories.aspx?catname=Hardwood

Yeah, you're right, there's not such thing as hardwood trees. I'm so stupid.

well shit-damn.

we gots ourselves a per-fessor in our midst.

you're a tool. go shit on a face.

Richport spent 6 years in high school! What a dick. I homeschooled.

I never said there wasn't such a thing, I just thought it sounded redundant. You're taking your eye off the ball here....calm down.....stare into Vicoria Beckham's big gigantic glasses a while until you can calm down and make fun of celebrities with the rest of us.

88 - Homeschooled kids learn the magic of making your own clothes, the shame of sexuality, and the evil of television. Homeschooling is the way to go if you want to raise a sheltered, pasty, socially inept freak who collects puzzles.

90--sheltered, pasty, socially inept freak puzzle collecting SPELLING BEE CHAMPIONS!!!
:)

#90 or they come out with a FREAKISH fetish like shit facing or whatever the hell they're calling it.

uh oh. the falafel i ate from the downtown diner is taking a dramatic turn. i feel some intestinal "distress" coming on if you will.

hotface, we may have a winner....

Saucie, I believe the term is hotplating.

Third picture from the left.

Yeah, we know you have implants. No need to remind us.

What's the term for when you get off by ripping people's eyes out and yelling, "stop staring at me"?

That there is what we call a good old fashioned socket-fucking, Doc.

#88

You've seen my dick? I'm not surprised, I probably left an impression of it on the side of your mom's cheek when I slapped her with it. She likes that. Apparently she also likes that whole 'shit on your face' thing, but I left before the bitch could taste my precious feces.
'Homeschooled' is another way of saying poor and stupid and/ or Christian fanatic. When you're homeschooled for six minutes you too can get your Sally Struthers diploma, that or a certificate in gun repair (I opted for the latter after a night of mixing weed and Bacardi). You're beginning to annoy me as much as Posh's insect glasses. Fucking high schoolers.

will someone plz tell her to eat ,the woman is REALY sick ,i can´t belive her body ,she just has bones .............lol

Oh, and I'm sick. You fuck eyeholes. I suppose you "get off" on fingering noseholes.

#100 fill'em with shit first.

She's just a skanky, leathery, no-talent, attention whore. Seriously, remember when she used to be classy? She's now "Slutty Spice"

Dr. Rokter I want to have intercourse with your body. This isn't a joke so supply me your contact information, stat.

STOP PRETENDING THIS SKELETON IS A CELEBRITY,

I'm hoping she and Nicole Richie will get into some sick competition to see who can be the skinniest and in the process both starve to death.

I wear a promise ring. I'm a virgin.

Okay, not really! LOL

Fucking sweet--Italy is up 1-0 against Ukraine.

#103 Aww baby, my body's a temple dedicated to Ishtar. dr.rokter@yahoo.com - that's where I get all my Nigerian spam. A couple weeks ago, I got a letter from a woman who said she needed money from me because she had cancer, "in my heart and my prostate". The medical shit that happens in Africa, I swear...

Did you tell her to try sprinkling some on her salmon?
I want you to sprinkle some cancer on my salmon, Dr. Rokter, if you know what I mean.

Question for the experienced and insightful:

Is it true that flat bottomed women are better at doggystyle than women with inflated asses?

Will someone please, oh please explain to me the fascination with the "bug-eyed" look. Honestly....sexiness? intrigue? I don't get it.

110--I think you need a little bit of padding for your man to hold on to---now I'm talking a big amount, but I think flat asses wouldn't allow for any grippage.

damnit osh I,m not a new comer but can i still tap it? please i've been dying to tap that for a long time!
hotplate we don't really want to hear from you unless you are talking about how much you love osh, tranny,zanny,papa,etc.. but i have a sneaking feeling that you will be one of the onloy fucktard to profess their love for the bannanawhipperasswipe.

110 - That depends on if you are a visual sensualist or prefer sensory aesthetics. However, irrefutably, it's all about giant cans.

#112 I heart you. I think you are hilarious

yes i know my spelling sucks it's hard to type with a cig in one hand and a beer in the other, therefore i have to resort to using my toes to type.

now wait a sec...giant can I have not, and my husband is fully content to reach a little higher and grab my hips for some leverage/grippage.

#114 Osh, you have me coughing up my lunch with laughter.....

Fug--Hey, I heart you too tough stuff. And you're right, 117--the hip/waist grabbing method works, too, so ultimately I think we should defer to Osh's ruling on the subject and say that it's a matter of personal choice!

119--well, said well, said. Just putting in a little defense of the assically challenged.

#109 If that's more crazy insider jargon for shitting on people's faces, I won't have it! Any kind of sex that involves some kind of unsanitary power struggle, and requires a master's degree in psychology to figure out the roots of, sounds like too much goddamn work to me. Why, this country's gone to hell! I may never vote again!

....so everyone grab a partner and bang it out!

121 - It had something to do with the conpirator working at Olive Garden, and how freshly ground cancer tastes good on fish... but what I really wanted to say was shit on my face you punative liberal sex puppet!

hey, I think hotplate left. Maybe he went to get shitfaced? HA HA!!!

@90
damn it osh i thought homeschooling was the way to go. so do you mean that my daughter learning to be my personal bartender is going to scar her for life? shit cuz i only wanted the best for my daughter, i sure am going to miss having a personal bartender during the day.

conpirator is conspirator in Pirate-talk.

...someone is saying...

...doesnt she have children
...and babies
...and shit ?

why the fuck
is she looking
like a fifty
dollar
hooka?

dont you hate it when you go to lunch and theres new comments and posts and you missed out? goddamn scheduled eating.

ps id hit it. with a dong3000.

and by "it"- i mean the fag who shits on ppl's faces.

Assically challenged. Nice, I might use that one on my husbands mistress. Happy Independence Day ya'll!

in pic number four
the guy behind looks kinda cool
shorts or cut offs
sandles
fuck you attitude

...hey we know that guy :)

herbie, heres a shiny gum wrapper go play with it for 3 hours. good boy.

Have a good weekend folks. This was fun. Watch out for them homeschooled freaks sittin on your glass-top coffee tables this weekend, now.

bye mommy <3u

Well, Osh, if you're hip to the conspiracy, and you speak Pirate, how could a boy go wrong? The only liberal sex puppets I've ever seen were on Sesame Street. A show on PBS, I might add, that gets our tax money to teach children that living in a dumpster is cute, creatures which are clearly from another planet will peacefully cohabitate with us, and that vampires are *not* actually running the UN.

HOW CAN VAMPIRES RUN THE UN?!?!?!?! THAT THE COUNT CAN OUNLY COUNT TO LIKE 10.
VAMPIRES ARE CLEARLY VERY DUMB.

ounly is kind of a cool word.

Skeletal spice will do anything to be in the 'liods.....and if that means showing her square rubber boobs whilst out consuming needlessly so be it. Brand beckham is more important than monogamy, don't cha know. If i had the choice of inserting my dirty hoof into her or a food blender i would need several moments to think about it, Like Mr Beckingham i would stick with the hired help...

please will some other far, far away country or (said with real hope) another planet please adopt her so we don't have to even acknowledge her existence anymore....Just like herpes Hilton i keep asking myself, what is the point of her being...There is a skeleton in the lab at work, add some stag night fake boobs and you would have a rather more attractive, intelligent and talented version of her, who would probably be more fun in general as well...

#131 you missed the point...
we don't just know that guy...

lol bitch...

[are we neaqrly there yet ? ...]

If I spent 3G on an f'in haircut I better walk out of that place looking like that.

FIRST?

I'm pretty sure shitstained face was lamebananas.

Do you think he was 13 or 14?

@142 The emotional stability of a 13 year old, but sadly I think he/she/it? is 20 or so.

141
Isn't it funny that we measure up all the assholes on this site to the lameass? It's the measure by which we judge the prick factor.

Victoria is using the same ball skills as her husband to make her money.
He kicks balls and scores, she kicks his balls, and he scores again.
It's important couples have things in commen to talk about ( and with this couple , if they can string any kind of sentence together it's a good day).

Oh god, I'm laughing my ass off. I love how you all schooled shitface or whatever the newbie's name is.

Osh--if you're a guy, I want you now. If you're a girl, I'm so gay for you.

#57
everyone has to go thru it
recognised...

I feel bad for Posh seeing as how she can't even afford a new shirt. I heard that she's only worth 7 million and that she lives in a motel. And that she's a fire crotch. Oh wait a sec...

Reminds me of that Seinfeld-episode. You know, about the woman who wore bra but no shirt. Kinda like this, but funny.

I am sure Victoria and Paris Hilton can be close friends, both look like BUG! No wonder David was cheating on her!!! For God Sake advise David Backham to see an Optician! LOL

That happened to one of my shirts, but it was because I gained weight. So I'm not sure why anorexia would cause her shirt to fly open. Not enough tension on the buttons perhaps? What I don't understand about the fake boob craze is that these celebs don't mind if they are obviously fake looking. It's like when you see a grey haired guy with a dark toupee. Can we make an effort at realism?

Once upon a time, she actually looked like a human being. But with every year that goes by, she looks more and more like some kind of mantis alien. Beckham better watch out, or she'll bite off his head and eat it.

Victoria Beckham and Katie Holmes are new BFF- 'nuf said.

she is HOTTTT i would DO her. ure all stupid. u dont know a good one when u see her. i suppose u are all dating incredibly beautiful and sexy women for u to perceive this one as imperfect. well Screeew u guys, im going hoome.

although i must say, the fake boob thing posted in #151 is very true. they need to chill with the grapefruit halves. with 3000 for a haircut, im pretty sure celebrities could make an effort to get boobs that arent so obvious in their fakeness. but COME ONNNN DONT TELL ME U DONT LIKE THEM

Perhaps she should have read the label first before putting the shirt on a boil wash.....I'm sure it said 'dry clean only'.....stupid cow.

Dear Mr Superficial Guy,

Is getting your "monocle polished" a euphemsism?

Sincerely,
chrysalis

She was one of the most popular World Cup fans... every English game would involve about 10 minutes of just facing the camera to wherever she was sitting... until ENGLAND LOST! OWNED! HA HA!

It would be funny if she broke up with David Beckham just because he couldn't save his team. LOL.

LOL #36 ...Allspice

That could not be more hot, upscale trashy is a beautiful thing

whoa....Vic....she looks really good in those pictures....I shouldn't have said that,now David is gonna kick my ass....for some odd reason he doesn't like me too much.