Jun 19 2006The Superficial Ketchup
• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban arrived in Australia today and announced they would be wed there, though an exact date has yet to be revealed.
• The Britney Spears Dateline interview clip they didn't want you to see. And that you didn't want to see either. Because it's gross. And boogers are involved.
• Pete Doherty was fined $1,900 after police found traces of cocaine in his blood. So if the government is ever hard up for cash they can just make a quick stop by Pete's place and it's almost guaranteed there'll be traces of something illegal in his blood.
• The guy who has Paris Hilton's storage locker showed up to an autograph signing at Macy's and asked Paris Hilton to "make it out to 'The Guy Who Has My Storage Locker Stuff.'" Seriously. This actually happened.
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Reader Comments
1. Fugurself - June 19, 2006 6:13 PM
Where Pete comes from:
I'm willing to bet that if you put them all together you will not have a full set of teeth.
2. mrs.t - June 19, 2006 6:14 PM
at Macy's? SO low-class.
3. Dean - June 19, 2006 6:29 PM
Can't think of anything witty here. Just really felt the need to post for some reason.
4. CruisingForCock - June 19, 2006 6:33 PM
That Britney video was NASTY. All the same, funny as fuck.
5. jane's eyre - June 19, 2006 6:34 PM
The Superficial Ketchup--i.e., I'm Too Lazy to Write an Individual Thread for Each Story, because I'm Lazy and I'm Trying to Keep my Quota Up, and Also Because I'm Lazy.
Hope I don't get banned for that.
6. jane's eyre - June 19, 2006 6:41 PM
Next thing you know, guys will be coming up to Paris, asking her to autograph to: One of the Guys That I Condemned to a Life of Incurable STD's.
7. The Girl - June 19, 2006 6:43 PM
I love Nicole Kidman. I do. But does anyone really care that she's getting married. I mean seriously. I also read that she "might" be pregnant. Zzzzzzzzzzz....
8. Iambananas - June 19, 2006 6:58 PM
IM STILL HERE YOU STUPIDS... JUST BUSY TODAY... I GO OUTSIDE, UNLIKE MOST OF YOU LOSERS.
jane's eyre @ THE TOP OF THAT INTROVERTED LIST!!!
BYE LOSERS.
KNEW YOU COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME.
9. Iambananas - June 19, 2006 7:00 PM
8th, children
10. krisdylee - June 19, 2006 7:16 PM
*sniff sniff* everyone check your shoes, I think somebody stepped in dog shit....
Oh, my bad, it's just the SF troll.....
11. Pearly - June 19, 2006 7:17 PM
#8 God you're annoying, why don't you go post in HELL?
12. jane's eyre - June 19, 2006 7:20 PM
Posted by Iambananas on June 18, 2006 12:13 PM
Oh, dear jane's eyre / Feed Me Chocolate...
I knew it wouldn't take long for your new screen name to appear because neither your argumentative streak nor your obsession with me can be hidden.
I think you need to realize a simple fact... I would appreciate it if you wouldn't direct any more malicious comments toward me. I won't direct any toward you and neither you to me. This has to end, I cannot be wondering what childish comment you'll be posting to anything I say anymore. You're supposidly a grown up... act like it.
To prove this on going maturity you have,, accept my deal and leave me alone. Or is your obsession too strong? We shall find out.
________
Now, what was that again? Who's obsessed with whom? Couldn't bear to keep away from me, could you?
"KNEW YOU COULDN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME"
Uh, you're the lameass that came back on here to say that WE couldn't live without YOU? HA HA HA HA!!
And unlike you, most of us here have a JOB (look that one up in the dictionary), and have a computer that we work on, and can skip on over here to help pass the lulls in work. So go back outside and play in your kiddie pool, and leave the grownups alone.
13. ptprez - June 19, 2006 7:21 PM
8
suck my cock...
14. jane's eyre - June 19, 2006 7:22 PM
Hello Pearly, nice to see you.
15. ptprez - June 19, 2006 7:22 PM
hi jane...
16. BigJim - June 19, 2006 7:27 PM
I know I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't...
Aww, fuck it.
Coob, everyone wants you to die. We have repeatedly asked you to kill yourself, yet you do not. Unfortunately, I guess evolution has instilled you with something of a survival instinct, although it undoubtedly played a cruel hoax on you in other ways.
So, since you apparently are not going to take your own life, then I would like to prevail upon you to simply go away. Everyone here hates you, so just leave already.
Oh, and if you could avoid procreating, the human race would be eternally grateful.
Signed,
The People.
17. ptprez - June 19, 2006 7:31 PM
WE THE PEOPLE...
HATE THE COOB...
18. jane's eyre - June 19, 2006 7:34 PM
Hi ptprez...
BigJim, I suspect that the coob may be of the order Blattodea, the species Periplaneta americana, or more commonly, the cockroach, which would explain the refusal to die.
19. ptprez - June 19, 2006 7:35 PM
forget that...
CAROLINA OR EDMONTON...
oilers win...
20. BigJim - June 19, 2006 7:37 PM
Being a Calgarian for the last 30 years, I am torn. Do I cheer for a Canadian team that I hate just because they are Canadian? Or do I cheer for an American team whose best players are all Canadian?
Decisions, decisions.
21. ptprez - June 19, 2006 7:42 PM
i just like the fact carolina was up 3-1 and are about to pull a mickelson...
22. ApacheRose - June 19, 2006 7:55 PM
pt--
Check your hotmail, PLEASE!
23. henrysgirl - June 19, 2006 8:20 PM
BigJim, I totally agree. I feel like a traitor because I do not like the Oilers, but on the other hand, I can't stand the Hurricanes or the coach of the Hurricanes. He's trying to be John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, 30 years too late. "Hey watch da hair"!!! I also despise the 'Canes because they beat my beloved Sabres. Aw fuck it, go Oilers go. You know the fans will destroy Edmonton either way.
24. BarbadoSlim - June 19, 2006 8:23 PM
A starving cannibal tribe in South America found a crash site where a plane carrying Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Kevin Federline and Pete Doherty had crashed. All the celebrities where found alive and quickly placed on a boiling pot...
two weeks later
Venezuelan authorities are investigating the death by apparent starvation of a cannibal tribe that apparently decided to starve to death rather than eat a group of celebrites that had crashed near their village. The celebs had apprently been cooked, but, their stench was so unbearable that the surrounding forest was contaminated by their collective miasma.
Curiously, only Kevin Federline made it thru the ordeal by feeding on his own feces. He's in full recovery and writing a pamphlet about his experience.
25. CruisingForCock - June 19, 2006 8:28 PM
Addressing it and using its words will only encourage it to keep coming back. It is desperate for your attention. It hides behind the computer, speaking in a way that it has never spoken in the real world. Because it lacks the courage to do so. Ignore it, the way the everyone else does beyond the computer.
26. bunnyhugger - June 19, 2006 8:56 PM
@ bigjim # 16
well said.
i haven't even been posting for fear of catching a case of "coobies".
die, troll, die!
27. Lala - June 19, 2006 9:45 PM
Pete Doherty is the same guy who buys another used Jaguar because he can't remember where he parked the last one. And he didn't do this once, not twice, but three times. $1900 is a mere slap on his track mark laden wrist.
28. RichPort - June 19, 2006 10:13 PM
Years from now important people will recognize Paris Hilton for what she is. Of course by imporant people I mean the CDC and by what she is I mean Patient Zero in the coming mutant herpes pandemic. Apparently it's airborne.
29. KatieA978 - June 19, 2006 10:17 PM
To jane's eyre, bigjim, kridylee, and everyone else (except for the COOB);
Thanks for making my day entertaining. My crappy work day seems to pass much quicker when I can be entertained by abusing celebrities. :)
To the COOB (see, you get your own special message):
How does it feel to know that even people on the other side of the world think you're a f*cktard and hope you die? Just wondering.
30. Getitstraight - June 19, 2006 10:46 PM
OK..sure she is a basket case, but fuck why did you put that video link there, that was fucking disgusting....c'mon Superficial guy, can't you do better than that? Christ that video footage on Brit are so last week!
31. Getitstraight - June 19, 2006 10:54 PM
Bad decision pulling the goalie with almost 2 minutes left. Bummer...My daughter goes out with the cousin of FERNANDO PISANI, but I tell everyone Pisani is my son-in-law, my claim to fame.
32. Linnea - June 19, 2006 11:16 PM
Ack. Pete Doherty makes me sad.
33. CruisingForCock - June 19, 2006 11:44 PM
I'm just glad that Nicole is finally getting some sex. She was married to Tom Cruise afterall. Hasn't had sex in years. Look what it did to her face. See kids...if you don't have the sex..you're face gets all botox looking.
34. jane's eyre - June 20, 2006 12:02 AM
33
I think her face did that all by itself. See, she wasn't getting any internal "moisturizing" if ya know what I mean (nudge nudge, wink wink), so her skin started tightening up as a result, thus making her face mask-like. Simple, really.
35. jane's eyre - June 20, 2006 12:04 AM
Katie,
I'm glad I did something productive today while I was at work--entertaining you. It was so slow today, I had nothing better to do than spend a good portion of my day on the superfish. I bet my boss would be so pleased to know that he hired an entertainer.
36. alaskanchicsickle - June 20, 2006 12:27 AM
@16 I just love you Big Jim.
37. yuckyfresh - June 20, 2006 3:03 AM
i don't know who any of you are, but COOB i think it's pretty obvious you should die.
38. spatz - June 20, 2006 10:59 AM
haha 26 "coobies' that is my new favorite word. best word ever.
39. Seth Rogen's Lady L - July 19, 2006 4:46 AM
It's likely that Pete Doherty is simply an android that has narcotics running through his veins. So the error in this blood test is that there were traces of blood in his cocaine.